Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 17:15:18 -0700 From: Fredric L. Brothers Subject: 'SUMMER WITH VAL" - Chapter 5 (Man/Boy) Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. It contains scenes of deep affection between an adult white male and a minor black boy. If you find this disturbing, then leave. Please e-mail any thoughts or comments you may have: FLBROTHERS@hotbot.com ------------------------------- SUMMER WITH VAL ------------------------------- By Fred Brothers Copyright 2000 by Fredric Law Brothers (All Rights Reserved) Chapter 5 - Sunday I have to admit that I was very hesitant about seeing Val early Sunday afternoon. After my signoff comment to him in our conversation last night, I expected a phone call canceling his visit. It was a stupid slip of the tongue; I did not want to frighten the kid, or make him less sure around me, or to be wary of me in any way. I knew that I had made a terrible mistake with the kid. I hope he hadn't told Elise. Then again, maybe it would be better if he had. This would force certain things into the open and let them air. Still, better if he didn't say anything, though. My fears proved groundless. I heard nothing from either Elise or Val, and almost precisely at twelve-thirty Elise drove up to front of the house. I opened the car door and Val got out after kissing Elise good-bye. I told Elise that I would drive Val home. She smiled at us, told us she would be home about ten o'clock and drove off quickly. Val carried a small backpack in his left hook. Like yesterday, I could not take my eyes off of his prosthetic hands. We walked into the house and immediately the dogs were jumping on him. He put down his pack, squatted down and began petting them. They adored the attention and I loved watching him. "Have you decided what you want to do today?" I asked him. He shook his head. "Nah. I though about a ballgame but if don't want t' go then..." "No. A baseball game is a great idea. Candlestick Park?" He nodded. "Yeah, the Stick would be great! I haven't been there in a long time." He paused to think for a second or two. "I think the last time I was there is when you took me and Gabe and we got free helmets or somethin'..." "And old Candlestick will be gone in a few more years...a new stadium is being built." "I know. It'll be sad t' see the old park go." Here was a ten-year-old kid becoming nostalgic for the passing of a ballpark. Strange the pace of things today. "Well, lets get going!" "Can we go in the Jeep? I think I'd like ridin' in it a lot." "Sure, anything you want, Val. Today is your day so don't be afraid to ask. Okay?" "Right, Dr. Greene." "And we can start with that. Val, I'd like it very much if you'd call me Zack...and not Dr. Greene any more. Okay?" He thought for a while. "Well, I don't know. I mean, what'll my mom say if I called ya Zack instead of Dr. Greene?" "Well, I think she'd know that we've become good friends. Okay?" "Yeah, I think so. That's okay." He gave me a big, satisfied grin. I held my arms open and he walked up to me and hugged me tightly. I returned the hug with enthusiasm and kissed the top of his head. He looked up at me gave a big smile. He was very happy...and so was I. I would be spending the whole day with him and the prospect had me absolutely elated. ****************************************************** Val and I enjoyed the ballgame a great deal. We had great seats - never difficult getting good seats at the Stick. The Giants played the New York Mets and my allegiances were definitely torn. As a resident of the Bay Area, my loyalties should have been with the Giants, but as a native of New York City, I had to root for the Mets, my favorite team when I lived in the Big Apple. So we had a friendly rivalry. We teased each other and played all kinds of silly games of oneupsmanship. Val had a wonderful time (I think) although he did not ask for anything to eat. No hot dogs, no popcorn, no ice cream. I had my usual one hot dog, one beer, ice cream and bag of popcorn. Val did let me feed him some of my food and I bought him something to drink. I was only too happy to do so. I wondered if this reluctance to eat was a reflection of his unwillingness to expose his hooks to the crowd sitting around us. He sat quietly in his seat when there was nothing happening on the field, his hooks on his lap and covered by the long sleeves of the sweatshirt. When he stood he kept his arms straight down, his hooks again covered by the long sleeves. It was cool at Candlestick (as it usually is), with a stiff breeze blowing off the bay. Val wore his Raiders sweatshirt again. I did buy him a new Giants sweatshirt and ball cap, however. He was very pleased when I let him make his own selections at the souvenir stand. During the game I noticed that Val was giving me sly glances; he would look in my direction, at my face, and when I turned to look at him, he would just give me a little smile. I would smile back and then he'd turn his attention back to the field. What was he thinking? What was he doing? Was he...was he flirting with me? It certainly appeared that way. If it was flirting, then I adored it; I adored everything he did. After the game (which, incidentally, the Mets won) I drove to one of my favorite informal restaurants in the Bay Area, a great family type place, specializing in fried chicken, steaks, ribs, burgers and chili. Val was chattering away about the game - it was as if he had videotaped the game in his head and he was replaying it for me in bits and pieces. He loved riding in the Jeep and was excited about the feeling of the wind in his face. But as we drove into the parking lot of the restaurant, he suddenly became very quiet. I parked and got out of the car; Val did not move. "What's up Val?" I asked very gently. He shook his head and didn't say anything. "Is there something wrong?" Again not a sound as he just continued to look down at his lap. "C'mon, buddy, you can speak to me. We're friends, aren't we?" Still no sound from him. "You can tell me anything...anything at all Val...anything you want. Please know that I'm here for you...and I'll do anything for you that I can possibly do. Anything!" These pleas were greeted with more silence. I climbed back into the driver's seat and closed the door. "Val, please speak to me." He did not say anything, but slowly raised his hooks and looked at me. His eyes were very teary and his actions did not require any further words. I looked straight ahead and tried to gather my thoughts. Here was my first big obstacle that needed to be overcome if my relationship with Val was to continue and become cemented. We needed to come to a mutual understanding of how I would be treating him and how I expected him to respond. "Val, I really need you to speak to me and tell me what's bothering you. I need to know...and I need you to tell me. No secrets buddy. Okay?" He looked at me and tried to speak. I could see his lips begin to move but nothing came out. Finally, after numerous attempts, he succeeded, speaking in a very flat and very low voice. "You said before...you said t-t-that today was g-gonna be...m-m-my day...and if it's my day...then I d-d-don't wanna go into this place." "Can you explain why." He only looked at me. "You know, you have to eat sometime. Why not here?" "We can eat at h-home, can't we?" "Yes, I suppose so. But why? Why eat at home when they have such terrific food here? And we're here already." "I always eat at home. I don't l-like going to strange places t' eat." "You ate at my house yesterday, didn't you?" "Yeah...I suppose. But that w-wasn't really strange 'cause I'd been there m-many, many times before." I directly engaged his eyes. This verbal sparring had to cease. I knew what was bothering him and also knew that Val had to become much less self-conscious of his disability. "I agree. You'd been there on many occasions. But not since not since your accident - not since the doctors had to amputate your hands. Yesterday was the first time. Wasn't it?" His eyes began to really tear now. He was crying. What I'd said quite possibly hurt him. But that was really the intent - I need to shock him into accepting the reality of the situation - of his situation, and not trying to physically hide or to seek a safe refuge from every uncomfortable circumstance. I moved my hand and put it on his hooks, which were resting on his lap. "Val, I thought we were going to be good friends. That's what I really want. Isn't that what you want?" He nodded. I could feel his teardrops hitting my hand. I really felt for the kid, but knew that we absolutely must have this talk. "Please answer me, Val," I said gently but insistently. "Yes," he said in a pathetically soft, halting and choked voice. "Good. Then we both want the same thing." I paused in order to organize my thoughts better. I knew this conversation was going to come up sooner or later, but I didn't expect it this soon. "Val, if we're to be good friends, which we both have said is what we want, then we have to be totally honest and up front with each other. Right?" He nodded to me. "You lost your hands in a terribly tragic accident. But this is not a reason to put our new friendship in trouble. And it's in trouble if you have big problems doing what I want and when I want to do it. "I totally accept you for who you are and for what you are. You are a ten-year-old boy who lost his hands and now has metal hooks instead. That is a fact and it must be accepted - accepted by both you and me...and everyone. I think that I've accepted that; I don't think you have, though. I think you are still living in the past, hoping that this situation will, by some magic happening, just go away." I looked into his contorted face and just wanted to smother him with love and affection. However, I knew I needed to finish what I had just started. "Val, lets be honest and forthright. Your hands are gone and they will always be gone. I hate to be this harsh, but that is a fact. It will never change...and in order to get on with your life, and to live it with verve, you must accept that.. What does not have to be accepted is the need to hide or to be alone or to feel alone or to feel so different from other people that you cannot face them - or to feel that people do not love you." e looked at me. "She...doesn't l-l-love...me...anymore, Zack," he blubbered and began to weep copious tears. thought for a second. "I don't think that's really true, Val. I think she still loves you...love you a lot. It's just, well, it's just that she may love you...uh...differently now. Lots of things have happened in the last couple of years and...and lots of things have changed...and people also change. Your mom has changed...and so have you. You must be willing to accept these changes - not resent them. You may not like them, and although some of the changes can be eventually altered, a lot can't. You know that, don't you?" He nodded. "So you basically have to learn to live with them...and accept them...and become comfortable with them...and get on with your life. "You are a great kid - you are a wonderful person, Val, a person who I'd like to get to know much better. Our getting to know each other better cannot happen if you are going to be fearful of every new experience or if you try to hide away in your own little world and be afraid of everything." I paused and unblinkingly stared at him. He only nodded and, to my surprise, had the very slightest trace of a smile on his lips. "Do you really mean that?" "What?" I was confused. "'bout wantin' t' know me better...and that I'm wonderful...and...and that I'm..." His voice tailed off into silence. "That you're what, Val?" He opened his eyes wide and opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He started to cry hard again and I put my arm around him and pulled him close to me - as close as the seats in the Jeep would allow. Finally he managed to finish what he had started. "What ya said last night - that I'm...I'm beautiful." He began crying very hard again. I just held him and rubbed his arms and his neck and part of his back. "Yes, Val, I meant that; I meant that very much. You are very beautiful. And your beauty is more than what you look like, although, I have to admit, that your appearance is very, very beautiful. You are also a very beautiful person...a person I'd love to know better...a person with a great gift...a gift for making other people...very happy. Being with you today has made me very happy." He threw his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back and slowly rocked him. He was crying very hard now and, frankly, so was I. We held each other closely, comforting the other. I felt marvelous holding this beautiful child in my arms - his warmth and loveliness overwhelmed me. I knew that I wanted to have Val with me as much as possible - as often as possible. I wanted him to be with me...to be with me as much and as long as he wanted to be. I don't know how long we held each other, but when we broke, Val gave me a big smile and looked down at his hooks. "I think I'll have a steak," he said with a big grin. ****************************************************** We were on the short drive to Oakland and Val's home. My right hand was resting on his thigh and occasionally I'd give it a little squeeze; we'd turn and smile at each other. It had been a wonderful day - full of recently discovered friendship, new and deeper understandings and lots of love. Dinner went surprisingly well, considering the scope of the scene played out in the parking lot. I had, frankly, anticipated a disaster, but it certainly was not. Val was very proficient with his prosthetic hands. The only thing I had to do for him was to cut his steak, and I was convinced he could have done that if he had wanted. I'm sure he was playing the slightly helpless individual to some extent; he asked me to do it and I gladly obliged. We both had big meals and the leftovers were wrapped, bagged and taken with us. Val complained a bit that he was too full and feeling a little uncomfortable. But he enjoyed everything he ate - and he certainly ate plenty, including a very large dessert. "What time does Elise get home on Sunday nights?" I asked as we crossed the Oakland Bay Bridge. He shrugged. "Sometimes eight, sometimes nine, sometimes later. Sometimes I'm sleepin' when she gets home. I think she said she'd be home 'bout ten tonight." "Uh-huh." I thought for at least one minute before I asked the next question. "Would you like me to stay with you until she gets home?" "Could you?" he asked enthusiastically. I nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah, that'd be great. I'd like that." We drove the rest of the way in silence except for Val giving me directions. I sensed that something new was bothering him or that he wanted to say something, but held back. As we approached the apartment building he turned to me. "Zack, would it be...uh...ya know, would it be okay...tonight...for me...for me to spend...uh...tonight...the night with ya at your house?" I was stunned at the proposal and it took me a few seconds to recover. "What about going to school tomorrow?" He shrugged. "I dunno. Ya could drive me...or I could miss it. Either." I was very intrigued at the thought of having Val sleeping over at the house tonight. We could watch TV together, and have a late snack, and, best of all, I would have the additional time with him. "I like the idea, Val. I like it very much!" He gave me a fabulously wide grin and I rubbed his head and stoked his cheek. "We'll need to get some stuff for you, you know, clothes, your books and other school stuff." I parked in front of the building and we went upstairs to the apartment. The building was poorly maintained but Elise's apartment was nice and neat and seemed comfortable. Val led the way into his bedroom. It was a boy's bedroom, with posters of athletes, pennants and photos of rock groups on the walls, and sports gear and clothes strewn all about. I also noticed a framed photograph of Val and Kurt on the nightstand near the bed. I was surprised to see this - surprised that Elise permitted it. Val grabbed his backpack, pushed some clothes into it, shoved his schoolbooks in, and turned to me with a big grin on his face. "Ready!" he announced. And we were on our way. ****************************************************** When we arrived home, I noticed a message on the answering machine. It was from Gabe and he was concerned that he had been unable to reach either Val or me. I immediately called him. Val and Gabe spoke for about twenty minutes; I gave the kid his privacy and went into the kitchen to feed Louis and Billie and let them run around the yard for a time. When Val gave me the phone, I noticed his eyes were red and his face wet. Must have been another gut wrenching conversation. He went off upstairs, taking his pack with him. "Hi Gabe. How are things goin'?" "Pretty good, dad. Things are pretty good right now. Lotta tension removed when you told her you'd take me at the enda June." "Good to hear that. Did Val tell you about our day?" "He certainly did. Sounds like it was great fun - along wit' some major problems." "All in all, I think it was a very good day. We got some things cleared up and he seems rather content for now. He's going to stay here tonight and I'll drive him to school in the morning." "Sounds fine to me. He told me everything that happened including the scene in the car outside the restaurant and also the bit with the kid inside. I think you've begun to put a plan into action. Right?" "You could say that. But I wouldn't call it a plan. There's nothing thought out way ahead of time. It's more like a day to day operation; I'm trying to make the kid feel good about himself and I'll do anything it takes to accomplish that." "Sounds like a swell idea...or plan...or whatever you wanna call it. He certainly sounded more upbeat tonight...though there was still a lotta cryin' goin' on." "I gathered that when I saw him after you guys spoke. But I think my idea is working and he is more accepting of me because I think he knows that I'm totally accepting of him. In fact, Gabe, to tell you the truth, I find his hooks to be rather attractive." "You do? That's different, I must say. Isn't it a little strange to actually like 'em?" "I don't think so. I think they're quite beautiful." Gabe paused. "Anyway, he says you asked him to call you Zack?" "Yeah, I made him call me Zack because the Dr. Greene thing really sucked. Much too formal - and it put an artificial barrier between us." "Good move. I think that wenna long way to makin' him feel more comfortable." Gabe and I talked for another five minutes or so, mostly about nothing. However I did give him the latest news from the movie front - about the filming of my first novel - and he was very excited. When I finished I went into the kitchen for a snack and something to drink; Val joined me. We sat at the table drinking root beer and eating grapes. Val was practically staring at me and I gave him small smiles in return. I had the feeling that something was on his mind. I knew him well enough of the course of two days to know this. "Is something bothering you, Val?" I asked in a very gentle, non-threatening way. He shook his head while continuing to stare at me. "Not really," he said in a low voice. "Because, you know, you can tell me anything you want...or anything you need to. I want you to consider me your good friend and want you to be able to confide in me whenever you want to or need to." "Thanks, Zack," he replied. We continued munching on the grapes. "Zack?" I nodded. "Zack, I'm, ya know, worried about mom startin' med school and me bein' left 'lone all the time and summer vacation is startin' soon." "I understand what you're saying, Val." I thought for a minute and shook my head. "I don't know how to help you there, kiddo. I really don't." "Couldn't I stay, like, with you...here?" I shook my head. "No, that won't be possible." He started getting teary eyed. "Why? Why not?" There was a decided whine in his voice. "Because I learned this morning that they will begin filming my screenplay next month and..." "Hey, that's real neat!" he said with not too much enthusiasm. "Yes, it is. Anyway, I'll be going down to LA in a few weeks and I'll be staying there all summer and maybe even into part of the fall." "Oh," he said with a very disappointed tone. He looked down at the dogs, which were sitting near his chair. "What about Gabe?" "Gabe? Gabe will be coming with me. We'll be spending the time together." Now he began to cry. "Ya mean I won't be seein' Gabe and playin' with him this...all this summer?" "I'm afraid not, Val. Gabe has to be with me, and we'll be in LA, with a few weeks in Italy for the shooting of the film. The studio emailed the complete schedule. I'm really sorry, Val...really, really sorry." He began to cry quite heavily and blubbered something about his summer's going to be all screwed up and he'll have nothing to do and no one to be with. "I'm sorry Val, but there's nothing I can do about it. This is what happened and I'm afraid it's not going to change." I walked over to where he was sitting. He stood up, wrapped his arms around me and continued to cry very hard. I lifted him and carried him into the family room. I stretched out on a sofa with Val resting his beautiful body on me; he was still crying quite heavily. I just adored the feel of his body resting on mine. His head was just below my chin and his wonderful boy fragrance filled my head with the most luscious scent imaginable. My shirt was getting quite wet from his copious tears. My brain, on the other hand, was in a whirl knowing that this wonderful person - this marvelous boy - was with me again and that he would be spending the night, although in separate bedrooms. I had him put his stuff in Gabe's old room, where he would be sleeping tonight. I also felt very sorry that I (or should I say, we) would not be spending time with Val during the summer. After he had quieted down somewhat, he lifted his head and looked at me with those soulful eyes. "Zack...Zack, ain't-t-there any way I c-c-can be with you and Gabe?" I shook my head slightly. "No, Val. Since the studio is paying for everything, it can only be Gabe and me. That's what my contract says. And besides, you're not family and I'd have difficulties having you with us. I'm not your parent or your guardian." "But you're my godfather." "That doesn't count as family. I'm sorry, Val." Val lay his head down again and began crying softly. My arms were wrapped around his body and I could feel the tremors running through him. Val squirmed considerably and it had the same effect as the last time. He would occasionally look up at me and I always smiled back at him when he did. He was a tremendously inviting kid. I must admit that I was more than a little ashamed to reacting this way to a child. I had been around young people all of my life and Val was the first instance of being sexually attracted to or aroused by a youngster ****************************************************** At nine o'clock Val turned to me, smiled and said, "Time to get ready for bed." "What time do you have to get up?" "Lessee. It'll take ya about twenty minutes to get t' the school, so lets say ya wake me up at seven." "No problem. Do you want to bathe or take a shower now?" He gave me a very sly smile and looked down at the floor. "I think a bath would be nice...if it's no trouble for you, Zack." "No problem, Val." I stood up and began walking towards the stairs. I noticed that Val was not following me or walking with me. I turned and he was still standing by the couch. I looked at him. He held out his right hook. "Could ya take...my hand...er...my hook, Zack?" "Of course." I walked back to him and took his right hook into my left hand. I wondered if this was some kind of test that he was giving me...to see how'd I respond. But I didn't care - I loved the fact that he offered. The hook was cool to the touch but I got an incredible thrill holding it and walking upstairs with this fabulous kid. He smiled up at me a few times, each time warming me and making me feel slightly generous and caring. When we reached Gabe's bedroom, Val went scampering in. "I need t' get undressed now." He opened his pack and took out clean pajamas and set them out on the bed. I moved toward the door and was preparing to go into the bathroom to get it ready for Val. "Would ya help me, Zack?" "W-W-What?" I stammered. "Help me get undressed and all. Wanna help me?" he asked again. Did I want to help him? God! Did I want to help him! I tried to keep calm and put on a detached attitude, but my racing heartbeat and the pounding of my blood was making ungodly sounds in my ears. I was afraid Val would hear it and be scared off. "Sure, Val," I answered slowly and thoughtfully. "Just tell me what to do and I'll do my very best." Val smiled at me and sat on the bed. "First, ya wanna take of my sneakers and socks?" He lifted his legs one at a time and I removed his sneakers and tube socks. He had the most endearing little feet I had ever seen. Of course, I had never paid too much attention to little boy's feet before, but I definitely knew that Val's were exceptionally cute. I tickled the bottom lightly and he began to giggle and squeal and begging me to stop. I played with his darling little toes and he seemed to like that very much. "Okay, okay, Zack. Enough!" he giggled out. "Now undress the rest of me," he said in what I interpreted as a very sexy voice. "First, I want to run the water for your bath." I stepped out of the room and into the large main bath across the hall and began to fill the tub. I could not believe what was happening to me and had to sit down on a bench in the bathroom to collect my thoughts. I was with a ten-year-old boy and I was as excited as I had ever been in my life. This beautiful amputee child was turning me on in an incredible way. My body was tingly all over, my cock was straining in my shorts and my brain did not completely comprehend exactly what was going on. "What am I going to do? What the hell am I going to do with this lovely, beautiful child who is getting me hotter than I can ever remember being in recent years? What the hell is happening to me? Am I going crazy? Did all those years in Iowa really take a toll on my brain? Since when am I attracted to prepubescent boys?" I said all of this partially out loud and was very embarrassed. I slowly walked back to the bedroom. Val was standing near the bed and was taking his school clothes out of the backpack. He was still wearing all of his clothes. "Ready Zack?" he asked in a sprightly and charming voice. I smiled and walked up to him. He raised his arms, wanting me to take off his sweatshirt. "No," he admonished me. "Pull it off from the bottom not from the sleeves. Put your hands on the edge at the bottom and pull up slowly." I did exactly what he had asked and very slowly and very steadily removed the sweatshirt. After tossing it on the bed, I turned to face Val. I slowly backed up and when I felt the bed hitting the back of my thighs, I sat down, while continuing to stare straight ahead at Val - at my Val - at my beautiful Val. He stood in front of me, his head down, his body slumped slightly forward. I was able to see his complete prostheses and the associated equipment now - the hooks, the forearms, the stump coverings, the cables, the harness and straps. It looked like too much extraneous paraphernalia for his small body to be carrying. He slowly raised his head and looked at me. The look on his gorgeous face absolutely broke my already aching heart. It was a look that combined longing, embarrassment, pain, fear - the whole panoply of human emotions and feelings. Val was a ten-year-old living, breathing member of those people who American society just wants to sweep away and pretend do not exist. To me, he presented himself as the most beautiful and desirable human being I had ever encountered. I totally adored Val. I adored absolutely everything about him. I opened my arms and he slowly walked to me, raising his head gradually the nearer he came. He was sobbing. I smiled at him. He tried to smile back. I enfolded him in my warm, loving embrace and clasped him strongly to my body. He put his arms around me, and gradually began to hug me tightly; he continued to weep. "This's been the best day of my whole life, Zack. The real, real best! And...and now that ya see me with...with all this stuff...and ya smile at me...and ya hold me in your arms...and ya make me feel so good it's...it's even better." I squeezed him harder and lovingly placed kisses all over his forehead and the top of his head. I cherished this child and knew that by some strange combination of fates or kismet or alignment of the stars or position of the planets...or whatever, something meant us to be together. Val and I were two apparently directionless souls who had miraculously found each other. To Be Continued...