Date: Mon, 11 May 2009 01:21:12 +1030 From: Caleb Nathanial Subject: The Alpha Male and Me, Part 3: Careers Day Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. It contains homosexual themes of an erotic nature, if this offends you or is illegal for you to read, please stop reading now. The views and opinions expressed by the characters are not necessarily those of the author. This document may not be copied or hosted on other websites or be changed without the expressed written consent of the author. The story, including the characters depicted, are the intellectual property of the author. Author's Note: I know this has taken me much too long to write but my university work load has been picking up and this story only seems to take longer to write with each new part. I intended this part to be smaller than the second but as you can see that's not how it turned out, I'm sorry for that too. Thankyou to everyone who has sent me e-mails, this would not have ever been completed if it wasn't for your continued support. I'd really like to hear what everyone thinks of the story so far, I would appreciate you sending your thoughts along to calebnathanial@hotmail.com The Alpha Male and Me Part 3: Careers Day "Caleb dear" The sound of my name startles me, breaking me of my fixation. I stop systematically stabbing the steak on my plate and meet her gaze from across the table. "I'm sorry mother, did you say something?" I have been having trouble concentrating ever since last Friday. My thoughts are completely consumed with only one thing: Mikaihail. Even insignificant things like: What was he doing? And what was he thinking? Plagued my mind no matter how hard I tried to push them away. Other thoughts were harder to entertain. What does he think about me? Does he even think about me? What am I to him? How could this work? I didn't know the answers but the likely possibilities are enough to haunt me. The hardest question of all would never leave me alone, would never allow me to feel placidity, the apprehension would numb me with fear. What does he want this to be? Everyday it got worse. I would just lose focus of reality and become consumed. I would forget to do things, zone out mid-conversation, entire classes would go by and I wouldn't have any recollection of what was said. She smiles at me and continues, "Do you have something you want to tell us?" My eyes shoot open, how did she find out? I'm done for. My entire life is over. This thing would destroy me utterly. And worst of all, no matter how much damage it did to me, it will pale in comparison to what it will do to him. "Calm down!" I yell inside my head. "If she knew that her husband's best friend was romantically involved with her son do you really think smiling would be her reaction?" The rational side of my brain was being kind to me for the first time in almost a week. I relax at the realisation. But, I couldn't think of anything that she may be alluding to. I shift my eyes from side to side in confusion before answering "...no. I don't think so." "Isn't it your Careers Day next week?" "Oh... yeah... right." I answer disheartened. Even the slow torture of school is better than spending a day with my parents at work. At least school gives me time to fruitlessly try to figure things out, the novelty of careers day would be less accommodating to that end. "I don't think it would be necessary or beneficial for me to bother you at work." I say in the hope of getting out of this. "Maybe you should do what your school requires, Caleb. You don't want to give them a reason to be upset with you." She says still smiling. It seemed like forever since my apparently infamous fight, but I guess that was because so much had happened to me. Mother on the other hand thankfully did not know about those other exploits, so it was still in fresh in her mind. "You will have to get up early though. I have a meeting scheduled at 7:30." She stipulates. Thankfully, that gives me an easy escape. "Actually, after what happened last year they're forcing us to attend a morning and afternoon form class." I say a little triumphantly. The grade 10's of 08 hired a bus to take them to an amusement park for the day; the excursion was plastered on the front page of the local newspaper the next morning. "Oh..." mother looks at the table thinking of a way around the problem. "It's okay Alice; I'll take him for the day." Eric interjects disgruntled. The thought of the spending the day with Eric is an even more laughable excuse for an educational experience than careers day was intended to be. Even mother was uneasy about the suggestion, although that may have been because she could see my reaction coming. "Yeah, I really need to know how to lay a brick and wolf whistle at women." I retort condescendingly. "Might do you some good." Eric replies under his breath. Mother liking this statement to an even lesser extent. "That's some great parenting Eric." I say sarcastically. "They should give you an award honouring it. Something along the lines of: you may not come within 50 feet of your child. You may not call, write, or in any way try to contact..." "Caleb" Mother interrupts me with a look of disapproval. I show my palms in surrender of the subject. "Just drop me off on your way and I'll catch a bus into town after form class" I plead with her to let me take the lesser of the two evils. She appears to appreciate the delicacy of the situation and gives in "Alright dear, just make sure you're ready on Wednesday." *** Saturday, the day that was the high point of my life was now painful to endure. Last Saturday Mikaihail had returned to routine and came over for game night. I sat beside him on the couch pretending to care about what was playing. I was still in the delirium of the night before and I craved his physical contact. Every part of me ached for him. I held his hand so it was just out of Eric's view and, when Eric went to get more beer from the fridge, I would rest my head on Mikaihail's arm. After he had left, it didn't take me long to realise that sitting with him wasn't a good idea. If anyone had seen what was going on it would be difficult to explain; and then make later meetings with him harder to pass off. I couldn't afford people getting suspicious. I didn't understand how he was so much better at resisting than I was. After all, it was his inability to repress his overpowering desire which sparked all of this. I decided I would stay in my room this Saturday; tempting myself wasn't smart. It was impossible to concentrate, and when I heard him laugh or talk, it took all my mental capacity to stay in my room and not go out to him. After about 30 minutes of the game, and me having written all of 16 words on my Business assignment, he excuses himself from Eric to use the bathroom. I can clearly hear everyone of his footsteps as he walks down the hallway towards my room. My heart picks up pace as each one brings him closer to my open door. Without so much as a hesitation he walks into my room and stands behind me. I can feel his eyes boring into the top of my head. The yearning to feel him against me quickly destroys my resistance and I let my head fall back and rest the side of my face on his thigh. I close my eyes and let the warmth from his body send me into bliss. The contact allows a reprieve from the overwhelming thoughts. I feel his hand on my shoulder as he clasps reassuringly. I move my hand to his opposite hip and press myself into him. I hated that we couldn't express ourselves, that we were constrained by our lives outside each other. Even this brief contact, though of huge significance to me, paled in comparison to how I wanted us to be able to act. I wondered that if this was all it amounted to, would it really be worth the erratic thoughts and unbearable emotions? I knew what the answer should be but, to me, I would sacrifice a lot more for even the smallest allowance of being able to feel close to Mikaihail. The moment is destroyed as another set of footsteps advances down the hallway. We slowly let go of each other before the intruder could see the spectacle. Eric stands at the doorway and inquires "Mike, what are you doing? You're missing the game." I reply for him "Sorry, he was just giving me his opinion on interviews as an indicator of an employee's suitability for a position. Especially considering the empirical evidence which strongly suggests they are a poor predictor of performance." I turn to face Mikaihail and add "Thanks for your help." He smiles at the excuse and replies "Keep up the good work." He pats me on the shoulder as he leaves with Eric. *** Wednesday came quickly. In fact I don't remember much of Monday or Tuesday, except the now periodic relief every time a substitute enters the class instead of Mr Stevens. The school didn't inform us as to why he was gone, only that his replacement was not permanent. I was the only one who knew what had caused his absence and if running away was his way of dealing with it, it couldn't suit me better. There was still 40 minutes until form class but I decided that if I'm going to wait, outside the room is as good a place as any. Luckily Mrs Anderson, my form teacher, walked past on her way to the teacher's lounge and allowed me to leave before the class even started. I found an emptying bus of students which I would be able to ride to the depot just off the city centre. As I waited for the students to disband and clear the entrance I saw a car park behind the bus. My heart skipped a beat as Mr Stevens got out of the car and immediately spotted me. We stared at each other in shock, the herd of students moving between us. A large scar now ran down his face, a souvenir of the movie night. As the torrent of students coming out of the bus began to wane he started walking towards me. I had no idea what he was planning to do but I knew that once the bus left and the students disperse, this area of the school would be relatively deserted. Being alone with him was not an occurrence I wanted a repetition of. I pushed through the last of the students exiting the bus and stalked to the back row. I looked in the opposite direction while the bus departed, all the while feeling his eyes on me. I didn't know what he was doing at the school but I hoped that, considering the fact he came during the day I shouldn't have been there, he was trying to avoid me. Maybe he was handing in his resignation, or clearing out his desk. However, I didn't think my luck was good enough for either of those reasons to be the real one. *** It didn't take long for Mikaihail to overshadow Mr Stevens in my mind. He was once again the only thing I was thinking about while I walked through the city to the council chambers. As I rounded the corner I could see my destination in the distance. I wondered whether I should tell Mikaihail about Mr Stevens. Though, truth be told, the existence of our relationship was fragile enough that it didn't need something like this pushing for its cessation. And besides, I had no idea when I would see him again outside of game night; There I couldn't talk to him. Then it hit me, something I should have figured out days ago, something I would have figured out days ago if he would have let me think clearly even for a second: I should have gone with him for careers day. The solution was so simple it hurt my ego knowing it took me this long to figure it out. My plan was still formulating as I ran to the payphones outside of the council chambers, I needed to do this as quickly as possible. I rang the building I was standing in front of and asked the receptionist for "Alice Nathanial." "Hello" Mother answered. I quickly had to figure out the best way to go about this. I just hoped it wasn't too late for my excuse to work. "I need to ask you something." "Is that you Caleb?" she inquires. Great, even my phone etiquette was dying thanks to my fixation. "Yes Mother" I reply apologetically. "Is everything alright sweetheart? Where are you?" She says sounding a little worried. "Yeah everything's fine. I'm still at school." "Caleb, it's 9:30, you should be on your way by now." "I know mother, I'm sorry." It was a little later than I wanted it to be. Excuses, I needed excuses. "The warning they gave us in form class about taking careers day seriously was a little over the top." That wasn't really adequate but I hoped it would be enough. "Why are you calling? You said you needed to ask something?" "Yeah, I was wondering if I could spend careers day with... I mean if I could go to Mikaihail's corporation. I thought his work is more suited to my interests." She gives the suggestion some thought "...I don't know dear, it's a bit late to ask." I had found my way out "That's the other reason it's so late. I already rang him to check and it took me a little while to find the number in the phonebook." There, my brain was starting to work again. "He said it'd be okay." "You really should have asked me first Caleb. But I suppose if he is expecting you, you should get going. Remember to thank him." She allows. "Thanks mum; I'll see you at home." I say happily. Before I take the phone away from my ear she speaks again. "Are you sure you're alright dear?" She says concerned. "Of course, why?" "You just called me 'mum'" She was right; it was very strange, very unlike me. I couldn't really explain it. But at this point I didn't really care about anything besides the rest of the day. "Umm yeah I'm fine, don't worry. Thanks again" I hang up the phone and start walking quickly away from the chambers. *** Turns out my brain wasn't working nearly as well as I thought. The reason being I didn't really know how to get to Mikaihail's office from where I was. It took me awhile to get my bearings and map out a route in my head. It was in fact further away than I thought it was. I was relieved when I eventually reached my destination. I entered the automatic doors into the large foyer before I realised I had never been inside here before and, short of knocking on every door, I had no idea how to find him. I wanted my presence to go unnoticed but it looked as if the receptionist was my only avenue now. I approached the front desk and the petite brunette met my gaze with a smile. "Are you lost junior?" She asks patronisingly. I immediately despise her; being treated like a child was something of a pet peeve to me. "I was wondering if you could direct me to the office of Mikaihail Klandinsky." I say formally; a quasi-rebuttal to my assumed maturity, or lack thereof. A look of confusion crosses her face "I'm sorry, who?" Great, she's also incompetent. She doesn't even know the name of the person who will hopefully fire her. "He often goes by the shortening 'Mike'" I hopefully clarify for her. "Oh yes, of course, Mike." She says with a smile. "Do you have an appointment; I can't just let you go running around here." I suppress the vexation building inside me for this lowly receptionist. "I'm actually a family friend and I don't think he would appreciate you talking to me as if I were someone's infant." Suppression: failed. She is taken aback by my threat but quickly regains her conditioned smile. "Oh well let me just ring his office for you." She says in the submissive way she should have in the first place. "Thank you." I reply, my vex still present. She hangs up the phone moments after picking it up. She returns to me with a smug smile. "I'm sorry; he's in a meeting at the moment. You can wait here if you'd like?" I wasn't about to let this idiot get the better of me. "Why don't you just give me directions? I don't think you want to disappoint a friend of the man who decides whether or not you have a job." I say with my own smug smile. *** After the receptionist had learnt her place in society I was on my way to up to his floor. The elevator doors part and I'm confronted with a grid of low-rise cubicles. The employees thankfully don't look in my direction as the elevator dings closed behind me. They all seem to be having a break from being productive and are instead talking to each other over the dividers. I was glad that they weren't attentive; it made things easier for me. I looked around for some idea of where he might be, but obviously there weren't any signs I could follow. On the opposite side of the room I could see a glass wall, behind which was a darkened room surrounded by semi-open blinds. I remembered that the receptionist had said he was in a meeting and the scene behind the glass was reminiscent of such an event. I walk around the outside of the large open area and as I come closer to the assumed conference room I can hear voices from inside. I rest against the wall beside the door to listen in and hopefully hear his voice. Whoever was speaking it certainly wasn't him, and before I could even get the gist of what was being said a voice from outside the room caught my attention. "I'm sorry Mike is in a meeting at the moment." The voice belongs to a woman too young and peppy to be an employee of consequence. "I guess I can take a message." And obviously not the most competent at the trivial job she does have. She was by convention an appealing woman: blond, young, skinny, pretty, breasts much too large for her frame. I didn't like his choice in assistants. I now needed to get into the office behind her. The cubical nearest me was unoccupied so I discreetly sat down and picked up the phone. I found a holder of business cards, probably belonging to the person who works in this cubicle, and used the number to ring the building. The women who answered sounded like the same receptionist so I distorted my voice before answering. "Could you please put me through to the desk of..." I look over to the assistant and read the plaque on her desk. "...Katherine Bridges." The phone on her desk interrupts her hair twirling. "Hey" She answers casually. "Ms Bridges, this is officer Fergus. We've received a report that your car may have been involved in a collision just off the highway. To your knowledge where is your car now?" She looks shocked and genuinely worried. "It's, it's parked downstairs..." "Could you please confirm this report and call the station." Without even answering she breaks out into a run across the workspace and through the door to the stairwell. I had always thought the world was not populated by enough thoughtful individuals. But right now I just thanked god for the abundance of stupid people, they made the world so much easier to manipulate. While everyone is still looking at the stairwell after her, I discretely enter Mikaihail's office. I close the door behind me and stand alone in the echoing silence of the room. The office is bigger than it looked from the outside. Every item in the room looks particularly expensive, a true manager's office. The desk, the paintings, the chair, the filing cabinet, everything was larger than in a normal office. I walk down to the end of the room appreciating that the office complimented Mikaihail: larger than normal. The back wall of the room was a large window overlooking the city and straight out to sea. I looked back towards the office and across the sheen of the black wood desk. This is where he sits for a majority of his day, this is what he sees when I'm thinking about him. An item on his desk catch's my attention, a portrait of his family: Mikaihail, Eleanor, and Duncan together looking like a picture perfect family. The dependable looking father, the devoted wife, and their precious son. The type of son who will no doubt find love, marry young and give them grandchildren; completing another generation in their perfect family. The photo made me think of two things. First: there will never be a photo of me on his desk. No matter how he feels or how happy we are, our relationship would be rejected by society and so it could never be public; especially for a man in his position. But secondly, and so much more importantly, was I a terrible person? Was my existence in his life breaking up his perfect family, his perfect life? Was I no better than a home-wrecker? Certainly if I had my way, by definition, that would be the case. The realisation came with a stabbing feeling of remorse, what I did, what I still am doing, was all I doing simply going to hurt him? Where was the line on this? Truth be told, the line was so far behind me I couldn't even see it anymore. I lean against his desk as I stare out the window while mulling over this new train of thought. After a few minutes of imitating the furniture I am startled by the door suddenly opening. The brooding depression is blasted away by the overwhelming emotion of seeing him. I feel a smile of relief come across my face as he enters. He looks serious as he notices me. Perhaps I have overstepped my bounds by coming here. Never making eye contact he closes the door behind him and walks to the side of the desk I'm leaning against. He pulls out his chair and drops the file he's holding on his desk. In one swift movement he enfolds me in his arms, constricting me to his body. His sudden move surprises me and the strength of his arms forces the air from my lungs. I slide my hands under his coat and return the embrace. The feeling of being in his arms releases me of all my anxieties and hammering thoughts, they are forced out until all there is room for is my adoration of him. I can't fit mine around him, yet I am almost too small for his hulking arms. I feel utterly protected, as if nothing could harm me from within the hold of this man who dwarfed me in size. A sharp pain begins to build in my chest, I only realise what it is once he loosens his grip and my lungs involuntarily fill with air. "Did you miss me?" He says in his deep soothing voice. His affection filled smile validates me. I look into his eyes which are already on mine. "'Miss' is such an understatement it's almost an outright lie." He tightens his hold on me in response. He gives a final squeeze and lets go of me, falling back into his chair. As he moves I catch his tie and begin to fiddle with it, not wanting to let go of him completely. I try to stifle the tears forming in my eyes, a reaction to regaining my only source of happiness. "Should you really be skipping school to come and see me?" He judges paternally. That was a laugh; thanks to him school didn't do me much good anymore. "It's careers day." I begin to defend my actions. I want to hold my own in a conversation with him; our relationship needed some semblance of normality. To this end I tried vehemently to resist his presence's effect on me. "I'm being a model student by forgoing the easy option and actually finding a workplace I'm interested in becoming a part of." "I could have picked you up. We would've had more time then." He says with a slight disappointment. "Well the idea only occurred to me a few hours ago." I admit embarrassed. He takes a little time before replying. "So much for being smart" he says teasingly I smile at his joke "Guess so." I open the file on his desk with my free hand. "So, what are we doing today? Firing someone?" I say hopefully. He looks slightly surprised by my inflection. "Discharging an employee is not supposed to be an enjoyable experience." "Oh" I exhale theatrically. "There goes my career in human resources." He smiles at my humour. "Careers day was educational after all." I say as if I had come to a revelation. I turn my gaze to stare at my hand playing with his tie. I can see his face in my peripheral vision and he seems to be trying to figure something out. "So what do you think of the office?" He asks, breaking the silence. I answer without looking up. "The office is impressive... but I'm not too sold on 'busty and blonde' out there." I say, a little bothered and slightly suspicious. His deep chuckle sends a wave of emotion through me. "You're cute when you're jealous." I know he only meant it lightly but my insecurities had been eating at me constantly ever since this whole thing started. Finding it comical autonomically felt a bit offensive. "Well then you should tell me that I disgust you and you never want to have to endure the sight of me again. I'm sure you'll get a real kick out of that reaction." I say, unable to extract the venom from my words before they leave my mouth. He looks at me, guilt emanating from his expression. I immediately regret it. Though he was the reason, it was through no fault of his own that I was so volatile. "I'm sorry..." I say wishing I could retract my words. He places his hand on me reassuringly, encompassing my entire thigh. "Caleb, I didn't mean it like that. I would never want to hurt you." He says sincerely "You know that right?" I smile weakly at him "Yeah, I know..." There was not a fibre of malice in Mikaihail's body. "Besides Caleb, I'm the boss, I'm expected to have the most attractive assistant." He says humorously. "That's something they don't teach us in business class." I reply laughing and continuing to play with his tie; an attempt to alleviate his guilt. He continues, "Do I really seem to you like the type of man who would cheat on his wife?" The words strike me, I feel as if a white hot stake pierces my chest. I drop my hand from his tie as my body goes numb. I know these words will be the makings of many sleepless nights and endless depressing contemplations. He doesn't allow it to sink in. He grabs my arm and wrenches me onto his lap. He cradles me against him with one arm and encircles my head with his other. He clasps my head as if to attempt to force out his words. "Caleb..." He tries to get my attention but I cannot answer him. My now fuelled thoughts are racing through my head; 'What was I to him?' He instead tries to clarify his statement. "I'm not the kind of man who would seek out someone just to satisfy myself." I still don't know where that places me in his mind. He tilts my head to make eye contact with me. His deep brown eyes stare intensely into mine. "You're not an affair to me." Where does that place me? Somewhere in the transition between nobody and nothing? "Then what am I?" His eyes stop piercing me and he begins to smile. "You're the person who I didn't want to believe I was having feelings for. And when I had committed something indefensible you did the last thing I expected, you told me you wanted me." The intensity returns to his eyes. "You're not a sex object to me. You're the last person I should want and the only one I desire." He brings his face closer to mine and slows his speech. The full force of his imposition now bearing down upon me. "You're who I want to be with Caleb." My airflow immediately ceases, the shock taking hold of my body. I never even entertained the idea that he would ever say something like this; it seemed worlds away from the person I knew him to be. I want to say something back, to tell him how much it meant to me, but despite every linguistic capability I had, words escaped me. I could do nothing but stare in awe of him. Without warning or the opportunity for suppression, I begin weeping uncontrollably. While still remaining transfixed by his eyes, in an effort not to look like a child I forcibly try to stop my tears. The attempt is futile, I instead decide to move my hand to wipe them away, but before I can he moves his own hand from my head and begins to wipe them away gently with his thumb. I feel embarrassed by my display but all I can do is stare back into his eyes. My tears eventually stop and he begins stroking his hand through my hair. There was nothing more to think about, he had put my thoughts to rest. Knowing that he felt so strongly made me ashamed that I had ever doubted him. I put my arms around him and melt further into his chest, finally content. He turns his chair around to face out the window. He looks out to sea breaking eye contact; I slowly exhale and close my eyes. Another moment in paradise, another moment worth existing for, another moment with Mikaihail - my reason for enduring life. We stayed motionless for a long moment; he interrupted the scene by turning his chair towards his desk. He extends his arms and presses the button on his intercom. "Could you cancel my 12 o'clock, Kate." He pronounces formally. "Sure thing Mikey" Katherine replies over the intercom. "Mikey?" Disbelief and amusement filling my voice. "Are you sure appearances are worth having that as an assistant?" I feel the vibrations of his chest on my face as he chuckles his deep chuckle. Once his vibrations cease he answers seriously "Are you sure I'm worth it?" I quickly look up to his face which is again staring out the window. "Are you worth it?" I say incredulously. Being with him was worth more than everything else in my life. "Are you sure I'm worth it?" That of course was the better question. He looks down at me "What are you talking about?" I turn my gaze to his desk and at the family portrait. "I feel like I'm breaking up your perfect family." He places his hand on my head and strokes my hair with his thumb as he speaks "The person in that photo isn't nearly as happy as he looks." His mind seems to turn to the point in time the photo was taken. "His life has been slowly sapped away, the reasons for getting up each morning have slowly diminished, and he lives solely because of the responsibilities he has created for himself." His mind returns to the room, and his attention to me. "But most of all: he has forgotten what it was like for the passing of time to actually mean something." It was strange to think that this was of such significance to Mikaihail. I had always viewed him as perfection, not just him but his whole life, a life that was missing nothing. I could never imagine a person of his eminence not having everything they wanted in life. It was oddly comforting knowing I added something to Mikaihail's existence. Before I can even try to respond to his statement the intercom sounds. "Mikey, your 12 o'clock is here." I let out a short laugh in response to Katherine's incompetence. I quickly realised the dilemma the situation presented. Katherine didn't know I was in the office and if I came out now she'd know I had been in here the whole time. Luckily there was a simple solution to the problem. With a quick smile at Mikaihail I slip under his desk. He sounds a groan of disapproval but concedes the necessity. "Let him in" he replies through the intercom. He moves his chair closer while still allowing me more room than I need. The door slowly opens and whomever his 12 o'clock is moves into the room. "You wanted to see me, Mike?" The man's voice sounds shaky as he speaks. Perhaps Mikaihail's presence has the same effect on him as it does me. His voice befits a man of gaunt stature, not the epitome of masculinity Mikaihail is. "Take a seat James," Mikaihail says seriously. James closes the door behind him and moves across the room to sit in one of the chairs in front of Mikaihail's desk. "This is your personnel record James" Mikaihail reaches toward his desk for the file. He begins to lean for it as his chair is too far out. I grab the bottom of the chair and pull him closer, a manoeuvre he wouldn't attempt out of concern for me. "What's this about Mike?" James' voice becoming even more shaken. My attention is stolen from their conversation as I look towards Mikaihail. From where my head is I am looking straight at the groin of his pants. The bulge he sports is more noticeable than usual, did this situation excite him? I deliberated over whether I should do what I want to, but in the end the prospect of him wanting it as well proves to be too inviting. I begin to move my hands towards his belt. "It is the company's judgement, as it is mine, that your employment is to be terminated." His last word slightly shortened as he feels my hand on his belt buckle. My statement on firing beared more significance to Mikaihail than I realised; while James was probably uneasy because he saw his termination coming. As quietly as possible, I undo his belt and slowly unzip his fly. My heart gains speed, the risk of the situation was only adding to the thrill and not warding me against what I was about to do. There is a prolonged silence before James replies "C'mon Mike, this isn't fair, you've got to give me another chance." He says with desperation. I carefully pull his underwear down, exposing his penis. Even after all that had happened I had never really had a good look at it, now it was staring me down. Up close it looked even bigger than I remember, perhaps even disproportionately bigger to the rest of his large body. Even semi-flaccid it was well over twice the thickness and almost the whole length of my erection. I wondered if this was even logistically possible. Of course, there is only one way to find out. I cautiously move my mouth closer. "Your record shows that your performance appraisals have not been positive for the last two years." He stops talking as he feels my breath on the head of his exposed penis. I wait to see how long it takes him to start talking again. "You also have recently received warnings regarding your lack of productivity, and consistently showing up late for work." I open my mouth as wide as I can and take the head in my mouth. Again his voice distorts as he lets out a low moan in reaction, before a terrible attempt to pass it off as a cough. I perhaps was finding the situation a little too hilarious. The knowledge that I'm giving him pleasure spurs me on. I've never done this before so I really have no idea what I'm doing; but there's no time to learn like the present. I lock my lips around it and suck as if it were a lollypop; a lollypop so big it barely fits in my mouth. The taste is like nothing else I've ever experienced, if masculinity had a taste this would be it; it is amazing. Though knowing that this is the taste of Mikaihail's manhood, I don't think it could possible taste anything less than incredible to me. His body stiffens as he tries to hold back his natural reaction to the pleasure. "Please Mike. I'll shape up, I really need this job." James pleads even more desperately. Mikaihail's response is delayed as he prepares to speak normally. "This is not a negotiation James, it's a notification." He once again loses the composure as I begin to move my tongue around the head of his mighty tool, I have to retract it a little to do even that. James sounds even more desperate as he responds, "I'm begging you Mike... I'll do anything, just don't do this." The monster of an appendage helps me muffle my laugh in response to James' suggestive intonation; Mikaihail didn't need a second person servicing him. As I continue to run my tongue around the head of his now fully erect tool I begin to taste something new. I realise his penis is starting to leak pre-cum and the flavour is so intense it sends shivers of pleasure down my spine. All I want is more. I tighten my lips and begin to suck as hard as I am capable. Mikaihail remains silent, he doesn't seem to be able to push through and talk. I start to wonder if I should let up, but before I can seriously consider it he continues, "The decision has been made. You will need to have cleared out your desk by the end of the day." His voice is a little off, but not so much it would be obvious to someone; at least not someone looking from the side of the desk James is. "Have some compassion..." there is a distinct sound of whimpering as James speaks. I am slowly extracting more of Mikaihail's essence, but it doesn't satiate, it only fuels the urge for more. My extra efforts evoke a moan and he once again tries to cover it up as a cough, an even more abysmal attempt than before. My suction weakens as I suppress another laugh over his attempt. He quickly moves along the interaction. "I assure you James, I do not enjoy firing my employees." His body starts to tense as he beings to climax but he somehow holds off from shooting. "Well you certainly seem to be!" James shouts before storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. I guess Mikaihail wasn't masking his emotions as well as I thought he was. As soon as the door closes and we're now alone, Mikaihail loses all restraint. He grips my head with both his hands and forces it down on his penis. The reciprocation makes the event even more exhilarating. He leans back, sticks out his pelvis and gives a much louder moan as he explodes in my mouth. The insatiable urge to taste more of his essence is replaced by attempting to swallow as much of the torrent of it as possible. Though I seemed to be managing the impossible, the convulsions spraying his essence were not stopping not matter how much I took. It finally became too much, it started leaking out the sides of my mouth and down his mighty tool. The overwhelming feeling of his essence entering me and hearing his moans of pleasure pushes me over the edge. I cum inside my pants, never needing one bit of external stimulation. His roar of a moan slowly subsides with his orgasm. The intercom sounds "Are you okay Mike?" He presses the button to respond "...No need to worry Kate." He lets go of the button and lounges back in his chair. I quickly resolve my inundation and am able to breathe again. Some of the overflow glides down his penis; I gingerly stop its advance with my tongue and lick it back to the head before kissing it away. After his penis is clean I wipe the rest running down my chin back into my mouth, savouring possibly the last I would taste. He grabs the top of my arm and pulls me into his lap. He begins massaging my head and I let the feeling of bliss force everything else from my mind. I let the reality of what our relationship would mean to everyone else escape me, and just let the feeling of being absolute with him take me into a world where everything was perfect; a world where only we existed. Lying on his chest I can feel his heart beat gradually return to normal. I intertwine my fingers with his and bring his hand to my cheek. "You know, you really shouldn't do that." His tempered voice breaks the silence. I reply without opening my eyes. "Seems to me like you enjoyed it well enough," a little smugness in my voice. He gives a shallow chuckle. "That's not what I'm talking about," he slowly rubs the back of his hand along my check, "I mean you shouldn't test my restraint... I don't want to hurt you." I realised that this is where his excessive control from Friday night in the shower came from. He is the strongest person I know. Not just physically but he has a seemingly impermeable mental clarity; I didn't think anything could affect him or that he could ever lose control of himself. Though, on the subject of me, he had been less than clam at times. When he confronted me after our initial encounter, or the murderous look of him when Mr Stevens found me in the car park. But I didn't believe he would ever hurt me. Those times he did lose control he was focused on protecting me. "Your too much of a good person Mikaihail, you could never lose control." He cups the side of my face in his hand and tilts my head in the direction of his. I open my eyes to meet his gaze. "I already did." Hatred for himself fills his words. I had viewed our initial encounter, though not exactly perfect, as nothing short of a miracle; it had allowed this eventuation. Though I doubt I could ever replace Mikaihail's memory of it as anything but rape. Truly it was, but not even the ramifications of it would allow Mikaihail to forgive himself; like it did me. I try to make him feel better. "I'm going to get offended if you keep referring to it so negatively." I say lightly. He shakes his head slowly in disbelief and I seem to have alleviated his hate; or he had at least appreciated my position. I grab his hand again and entwine our arms across his chest. His sleeve lowers, revealing his watch. It too was the perfect compliment to Mikaihail: manly yet dignified and classy. The most important part of the watch was escaping me. My brain wasn't automatically processing what the watch read: 1:30. I quickly get off his chair in shock. He grabs my wrist. "What's wrong?" he says concerned. "I have to leave now if I'm going to get back to school on time." I say disappointedly and a little frantic. "I'll drive you." He again wrenches me back onto his lap, my head hits his pectoral with a little too much force and it starts to throb. "Ow" "Are you alright Caleb?" He says even more concerned than before. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say to diffuse his worry. "How does someone who sits behind a desk all day have a physique like yours?" I say a little annoyed and amused. "It's all in the genes." He says smugly. "My faith has never been strong... But you're proof like nothing else that god doesn't exist. Life wouldn't be this unfair." He chuckles and enfolds me in his arms. I nestle into his body and exhale as I enter paradise once more. *** When the time came to leave I had figured out a plan to get out unnoticed. Mikaihail reluctantly agreed to my 'needlessly elaborate plan'. He called security to escort James off the premises knowing it would make a scene and capture everyone's attention. He put the phone down after making the call and looked up at me. An idea catches him and he quickly starts rummaging through the drawers of his desk. "What are you looking for?" I inquire. He doesn't answer and continues to rummage. "This" he finally replies. He pulls out a mobile phone and offers it to me. It looks very expensive which makes me feel uncomfortable about taking it. "It's fine Caleb, it's only my old cell. You shouldn't feel bad about me giving you gifts, it's a normal thing people do. Besides it'll make things easier, so it's kind of a gift for both of us." He says in a persuasive manner, something I'm sure the business world had taught him. I reluctantly take the phone from him and put it in my pocket. It's slender, so at least it will be easy to hide. I hear commotion outside which signals that the security has arrived. Mikaihail smiles at me as he leaves to talk to Kate. Once he successfully averts her gaze from his door way I slip out and start to move around the outside of the open area to avoid attention. He ends his conversation his Kate, quickly walks over to me and grabs my shoulder. He changes my direction so we're walking straight down the middle of the room towards the elevator. "You know, the quickest route is a straight line." "The quickest route isn't always the smartest route." I retort a little annoyed, his physical contact making the feeling hard to maintain. "You worry too much." He says squeezing my shoulder. *** We took the elevator down to the underground car park which was thankfully deserted. His BMW was parked in his marked space and he once again opened the passenger door of the car for me. I felt as if I was starting to be able to combat his proximity's effect but I guess he still didn't like my chances against gravity. As we drove out of the city and towards my school Mikaihail seemed to remain happy that we were together but, as much I wanted to be as well, I couldn't shake the feeling like this wasn't going to last. Not just the car trip, but I feel as if time with Mikaihail is a limited resource. That there was a predetermined amount of time I had with him and each second that past was one I wasn't going to get back. I thought back over the previous several hours and realised I hadn't extended the same courtesy he had for me. Even in a regular circumstance he isn't much for talking, but perhaps he realised I needed it and forced out a deep conversation. He had asked something of me which I didn't get the chance to answer and I wanted to return what he had given me. "Mikaihail" I initiate the conversation He angles his head towards me to indicate his attention while still keeping his eyes on the road. "What did you mean?" I ask ambiguously. "About?" "You asked me if you were worth it." "Ah" he responds. His happy demeanour vanishes, a look of seriousness now across his face. He stays silent for a little while before elaborating. "You're 15 Caleb." "So... you realise now that you're not okay with the age difference?" I attempt to deduce. "No" there is distinct disbelief in his blunt answer. "That doesn't matter to me." He returns to silence but looks as if he's trying to phrase his next words carefully. "I feel like I'm stealing your life Caleb." I have no idea what he is talking about but instead of asking for clarification I wait for him to continue. His face changes to his concerned expression as he speaks. "You're life is just beginning. While I'm on the finishing end of mine. You'll never be able to have a normal life with normal relationships if you're with me." He turns his head to me for emphasis "You should give it some thought before you throw your life away." To me, the question was of course not even a question. A life without Mikaihail was not something I was willing to endure, not now that I knew what it was like. But I didn't need to dump that on him. I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to stay with me, lest I do something drastic. This concern obviously had troubled him so I didn't want to palm it off as ridiculous, as indeed it was. "A normal life... a normal life was never on the cards for me. Once I had moved for university I didn't plan to ever come back. The illusion of heterosexuality would be important to any career I was considering. That would make any normal relationship impossible for me." I take a deep breathe and exhale slowly. "Ever since this happened, I feel happy. Something I had resided I would never really feel. So Mikaihail, when you ask if you're worth it, the answer is incontrovertibly," I turn to face him "You're more than worth it... I would sacrifice the rest of my life for a chance to be with you." I wasn't sure if my answer was too much so I study his face intently, waiting for the verdict. There is no disappointment, happiness, or relief. However, his concerned expression changes ever so slightly, the expression now gleamed a certain edge of protectiveness. I don't know if he even knew what I it meant, but I certainly did. The change was the difference between caring about something for its own sake and being possessive of it. The difference between being on the outside looking in and having a right of ownership. Though perhaps unconsciously, he now realised that I was his, like I had always been, before today, before that Friday, before I even had hope of this eventuation, before even I realised it. The realisation comforts me, I smile at him contentedly and he smiles back in reciprocation. The knowledge gives me a feeling of connectedness, a feeling I only ever felt after our physical encounters. I now knew I was a part of him, nothing could change that now. It again was one of those times when our contact was about to end and I don't know when or even if it will happen again, but I simply allow myself to enjoy the rest of the trip, to enjoy being in his presence. He takes an unfamiliar route towards the school and we end up in a deserted side street; the school boundaries across the road from the mouth of the street. "I need you to sign this" I luckily remember. I pull out the careers day form from my pocket and hand it to him. He unfolds the paper and pulls out a pen from his inside coat pocket. He quickly signs his name and hands the paper back to me. His signature reads 'Mike Klandinsky'. I shake my head in amusement. "Do you even like your name?" I remark. He turns to face me and replies "I like it when you say it." A jolt of emotion surges through me, but it was now over, I turn away and look out the side window. The next thing I would do is open the door and leave him. It was indefinite, I don't know if I will get the chance to come back. Though I am right here, I am mentally miles away from opening that door. I don't want to leave, so much so that I don't know if I am capable of it. "I'll see you on Saturday Caleb." His voice breaks my chain of thought. I smile weakly at him before returning my attention to the door. I wanted a proper goodbye, one that befitted people in our position; if there even was one. The entire time I have known Mikaihail he wasn't a very affectionate person. In fact I had never once seen him kiss Eleanor, even him hugging me seem out of character. I don't want to force a more significant goodbye if it would be inappropriate to him. I reside to letting it pass, I place my hand on the handle and begin to try and will myself to open it. Without warning he puts his arm under mine and around my back and pulls my face towards his. I close my eyes as a defensive reaction, without time to think his lips are on mine and his tongue pushing its way though my lips. All I can do it open my mouth in reciprocation, the shock limiting my capacity. His tongue slowly glides across mine before he retreats. He closes his lips on mine and slowly releases his hold on me, withdrawing from the kiss. Once he lets go, I mutter "Saturday," still caught in the daze of the experience. I open the door without thinking and walk in front of the car to cross the road. As I begin to cross I hear a car horn and am forcible pulled back towards the BMW. After the car passes I see that there is a familiar hand on my shoulder. Mikaihail had reached out the window and pulled me back. There is a slightly shaken grave look on his face. I look at him guiltily, "Sorry." "Please be careful Caleb. I don't want the think about what I would do if something happened to you." I smile at him, his protectiveness filling me with adoration. His expression breaks to one of relief. He releases his grip and pats me on the shoulder as I leave for the school boundaries. I was now as certain as I was ever going to get, as certain as I could be about another person. Mikaihail wanted this, wanted us, wanted me. The uncertainty about his position was no longer an obstacle; all that remained was everyone else. Us vs Society wasn't a match-up that filled me with optimism but even before this happened I was ready to take that fight, now I just had someone beside me. But I sure as hell wasn't going to let this damage him, I wasn't going to let my presence in his life be something to lament. Even if that meant I had to fall on my own blade, I would happily take any amount of pain if it spared him. If I wasn't in his life, there wouldn't be this potential of harm. Now that I was, I couldn't allow that potential to ever be realised. I couldn't be something that hurt Mikaihail, that isn't something I could live with. As I cross the road to the school I look back down the street. He is still there, watching over me. *** When I got home that afternoon, I walked straight to my room, as I always do. As I entered I realised something was different, it wasn't as if anything had physically changed but the room didn't feel like the room I knew. I didn't know how long it had been since it changed but for the first time I noticed the difference. It was the walls, it as the ceiling. The universities plastering them now didn't represent opportunity or the possible future, they were just buildings, meaningless amasses of stone and cement. They were no point of destination for me now. I stare at one of the posters and walk over to it. I pick it up off the wall while continuing to examine it. I slowly tear it in two, strangely enjoying the sound of the ripping paper. Careers day had fulfilled the objective it only alleged to have, but never truly set out to achieve. I knew where I was headed and it wasn't to any of these places. If I ever did set foot on the grounds pictured in these posters it would only be by coincidence, a result of proximity. I pull another off the wall, savouring the sound of the tearing paper. Then another, and another... I enter a frenzy, tearing down the posters and ripping them up as quickly as I am able. My place in this world is beside Mikaihail. Perhaps that will include university, perhaps it won't, I don't care. I rip the last part of my former wallpaper and kneel in a mess of shredded paper, my breathing rapid. My future is with Mikaihail, only with Mikaihail, everything else is collateral. ********* Author's Note: Thank you for reading the story. I put a lot of time and effort into these so it's always nice to hear what people think of my writing. I know how much some of you like this story so I will try extremely hard to complete it not matter how long it takes me. I find e- mails really motivating, so if you could take a little time I'd really appreciate you sending a message along to calebnathanial@hotmail.com