Date: Mon, 7 Sep 2009 02:25:24 +1030
From: Caleb Nathanial <calebnathanial@hotmail.com>
Subject: The Alpha Male and Me, Part 4: The Unavoidable Imperative

Disclaimer:  The following story is a work of fiction.  It contains
homosexual themes of an erotic nature, if this offends you or is
illegal for you to read, please stop reading now.  The views and
opinions expressed by the characters are not necessarily those of the
author.  This document may not be copied or hosted on other
websites or be changed without the expressed written consent of the
author.  The story, including the characters depicted, are the
intellectual property of the author.

Authors note: I don't really think there's an acceptable excuse I can
give you guys for how long this has taken me to write.  But I hope
you find solace in the knowledge that it's not as if I've forgotten
about it, I have been putting a lot of my free time everyday into
writing this.  I can't thank everyone enough for their e-mails; I
would never have completed this chapter if it wasn't for your
continued support.  Based on several comments I have decided to
create an alert list for my story.  I know a lot of you don't read nifty
or the adult-youth section avidly and would like a notice when my
stories do get published (especially since my stories take me so long
to write).  So, if you would like me to send you an e-mail alerting
you to when the stories go up: just send an e-mail to
calebnathanial@hotmail.com telling me so and I'll add you to the
list.  Also, I'd really like to hear what everyone thinks of the story,
so if you could send along your thoughts I'd really appreciate it.

The Alpha Male and Me
Part 4:  The Unavoidable Imperative

It had been a week since my visit to Mikaihail's work and nothing
had really changed.  I still got up in the mornings, went to school,
came home, and went to sleep in the same bed.  However, though
there was no physical evidence of it, everything had changed.
School, family, my future, all meant nothing to me.  There was only
one thing in the entirety of existence that meant anything, and he was
sitting across the table.  Now that I knew Mikaihail's feelings on the
issue of us approached the same intensity as mine, the idea of us
being together was all that mattered to me.

"Well you have our support, Alice."

His deep soothing voice sends waves of adoration through me.  I
look away as fail I in suppressing the reacting smile.  I can't look at
him if I don't want the other occupants of the table to realise the
source of my emotion.  Every time I catch his eyes I cannot help but
smile, the happiness was made worse by the shame and
embarrassment of acting like a love struck teenager, though I
couldn't really deny it anymore; I had become something I used to
hate.  But, once again, he completely outclassed me with his ability
to maintain composure.  His face betrayed nothing out of the
ordinary, though even if it had, his smiles would not be nearly as out
of place as mine.

"Well thank you Mike, that means a lot."

The discussion at the table was concerning the upcoming counsel
election.  Their apprehension over the ordeal was lost on me.
Whether that be because I knew the margin of mother's previous
election poll was only otherwise seen in fixed elections, or because
my mind only had room for one thing these days, I really didn't
know.

There was a new edition to this familiar scene.  Now poor Duncan
also had to endure these dinners, and this topic of conversation could
never be of interest, or possibly even comprehension, to him.  The
whole night he hadn't said a word; I guessed he must still be uneasy
about participating in the conversations of adults.

In truth, Duncan was one of the largest, if not the largest, obstacles
standing between Mikaihail and me.  And though that fact would
logically be conducive of my odium, I simply couldn't bring myself
to hate Duncan.  It wasn't because he was a child or that he was
innocent, it was because of what he shared with Mikaihail.  The
resemblances such as the colour of his hair and eyes were glaring
and immutable evidence of his genetic inheritance; evidence that he
was a part of Mikaihail.  And I could not hate Mikaihail, not a single
part of him.

Mikaihail directs the conversation towards me, catching me of guard,
"Caleb, anything interesting happening at school?"

A more severe shock of emotions rips through my nervous system
with his attention now focused on me.  Surely he had to realise I had
difficulty acting normally with him around, so forcing me to speak
was really not a good idea.  I had to get back at him for making this
harder than it needed to be.

I look up at him and carefully annunciate, "No, it's quite boring...
Wednesday was definitely the highlight."  I control the laughter
building inside, focusing on keeping the smile fixed.

I feel a little victorious as Mikaihail's composure slips.  He lets out a
single low cough in surprise at my public reference to our 'meeting'.
The other's attention shifts to him, and while still maintaining the
eye contact I let a mischievous smile cross my face.  Just to let him
know that I had gotten the reaction I was aiming for.

Mother breaks the short silence and Mikaihail turns to give her his
attention, "Thank you again for letting Caleb to spend the day at
your company."

"There's really no need to thank me Alice," he breaks his gaze as he
takes the glass of wine from in front of himself and locks his eyes on
mine "believe me, it was my pleasure."

I nearly choke on the food I am eating in surprise; the reaction is far
beyond anything I can contain.  The attention in the room shifts back
to me, their surprised faces staring questioningly.  Now, free of
scrutiny, he smiles triumphantly...  There was no question, in our
unspoken game, he had destroyed me utterly.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking of something that happened at
school."  I try to explain.

"Oh, well do tell" Eleanor chirps in, her interest peaked.

I smile politely at her "It's not really appropriate."

"Oh" She seems disappointed and yet even more intrigued by the
fictitious story.

Mother breaks yet another slightly awkward silence, "Well actually
Mike, Caleb has a school camp coming up."

I groan in response.  School camps were always terrible.

"Where are you going?" He asks with genuine interest.

"Someplace in the middle of a forest, where the modern wonders of
edible food, central heating, and flushable toilets have escaped them.
Not to mention that nothing we will be doing there will be the least
bit interesting."

Mikaihail smiles in response but before he can say anything,
Duncan's vocal cords justify their existence "Their toilets don't
flush?" He says confused.

"No, it's an arborloo system."  Duncan looks even more confused by
my explanation.  "...It's basically a big hole in the ground."

"Eww." He looks disturbed by the prospect; his resemblance to
Mikaihail making the expression ever more endearing.

"Eww indeed, Duncan." I smile at him.  Duncan is now pleased with
himself, having at last participated in the conversation.

Mikaihail seems to appreciate my banter with his son before
continuing his questioning "So when are you off?"

I look at him incredulously "I wouldn't know... I tend to block these
things from my mind."  The statement was something I wouldn't
usually admit in public; however looking at him made everyone else
peripheral, and me, a little too open.

"The weekend after next." Mother interjects.

"That's a coincidence, I have a conference that weekend.  Looks like
that Saturday's dinner will be short two."  By the way he looked at
me I could tell what he was thinking.  It was obvious to me, because
I was thinking the exact same thing.

"Honey, I thought you got out of that?"  The very sound of Eleanor's
voice was becoming annoying.  Nothing she said ever sat well with
me; and this was certainly no exception.  Being with Mikaihail was
all I wanted; anyone who tried to take that away from me was going
to make my, yet not existing, revenge list.

"Well Julian had to pull out and so they needed someone else from
the senior staff."

"But you said you would take me shopping that weekend." My
distaste of her began to build.  What a superficial reason to want
Mikaihail.  I cherish every second with him and she sees him as a
little more than a credit card.

"Sorry Elly, but I couldn't get out of this one."  The sincerity of his
words was now a little less convincing.

"Well, bring me back something nice."  I grip my fork harder trying
to suppress my detestation for this shallow woman.  "When will you
get back?"

"I don't have all the details yet.  But it could be a little longer than
the weekend."

"If you stay longer to holiday, my gift better be something
expensive."  She replies in a light voice, though I'm sure she means
it.  How could this woman, who is lucky enough to have Mikaihail,
take him for granted?  To me, the act was no less than blasphemy.
"And don't marry a local girl and raise a family with her" She says
as if she's made a hilarious joke.

My tongue slips, "Just imagine the gift he'd have to buy you then."
My eyes shoot open; I cannot believe what I've just said out loud.
The rest of the room has the same reaction, all their eyes land on me.

After a tense prolonged silence I calmly put my fork on my plate and
turn to Eleanor. "I apologise Mrs Klandinsky." I then look at the
table as I get up. "Excuse me, I'll be in my room."

Still in shock, no one says a word as I walk away from the table.  At
a normal pace, I walk down the hallway and into my room.  All the
while hatred for my own stupidity is building inside me.  I gently
close the door and walk to my desk.  The frustration is too much to
contain, and in an attempt to relieve it I clench my fist and punch the
top of the desk with all the force I am capable.

The resulting pain is excruciating; I cradle my knuckles with my
hand waiting for the pain to stop.  As it gradually subsides the guilt
of having done something so stupid, something that could potentially
make it harder for me and Mikaihail, takes hold.  The guilt is so
much worse than any physical pain.  I bash my injured hand against
the wall, as I do the guilt is forced out by the physical pain; the pain
which is so much more bearable.

I pace around my room hoping that once the pain goes the guilt will
be gone with it.  But every time the pain in my hand begins to fade,
the guilt is just as strong as it had been before.  Again I bash my
hand against the wall, the physical pain becomes almost pleasurable
with the accompanying relief it brings.

The door to my room slowly opens and I prepare for the lecture
mother is bound to give me, though I'm sure she realises I know
exactly what I've done and how bad I should feel.  But I am caught
off guard as instead of mother, Mikaihail enters the room.

Alone in my room with him, the natural imposition I feel in the
presence of his towering figure grabs hold.  I feel apprehensive about
how he will react to my outburst; after all it was his wife I insulted.

After closing the door behind him he looks directly at me and begins
to smile.

I groan in response, "No... don't smile."

He looks at me amused.  "Why...?"

"Because I don't deserve it.  You should be angry or annoyed at me
for doing something so stupid and irresponsible."  I hang my head in
defeat, knowing I'll never be able to change what he's feeling.

He shakes his head in amusement of my assessment as he opens his
arms for me.  I plod over to him, still discontent with the situation.  I
collapse into his arms, resting my head on his chest.  In his embrace
I find relief from the guilt, relief from my anxiety, and relief from
coherent thought.  He holds me tightly against him, sighing in relief
of having me back in his arms.  We just stay like this for a few
minutes before he finally speaks.

"What happened to your room?" He asks in his deep soothing voice.

I come back to reality and try to process his question. "Oh, yeah......
um... university doesn't really hold the same interest for me
anymore."  After my frenzy the preceding Wednesday, the
previously most salient aspect of my room, my university collage,
was now gone.

He thinks about my statement before letting it go and replying "The
room looks a bit bare now."

"Well I considered putting pictures of you everywhere, but I thought
that might be a little conflicting with the whole 'keeping it a secret'
thing..."

He chuckles and grips me tighter in response.  "You didn't seem too
concerned with that at the table"

Still in my paradise, I am a little slow to realise what he's referring
to.  "You started it."

"I'm actually pretty sure you did.  Right before you smirked so
delightedly over getting a reaction out of me." He accuses lightly.

I reply sarcastically, "Oh, you mean right before I was totally put in
my place?" I look up at him in disbelief at his accusation of my
responsibility for the situation, yet still I find myself unable to stop
smiling.  The familiar affectionate smile colours his face, a result of
finding my easy defeat endearing.  "But you started it by making me
talk.  I can barely look at you without smiling, how could you
possibly think making me speak was a good idea?"

He looks at me slightly confused by the apparent absurdity of my
statement.  "So whenever we're together, around other people, you
can't speak?"

I am a little annoyed by his assessment. "It sounds stupid when you
say it like that..." but I couldn't see the flaw in the logic that I was so
sure was there.  He looks at me with the same parental smile of
finding me endearing.  The smile now felt a little mocking, but I
couldn't be directly annoyed by Mikaihail no matter how hard I
tried. "...fine, maybe it is a little stupid."

He chuckles and kisses me on the top of my head.

I continue "I guess I'll need to get use to it."

"I certainly hope you will."

I smile and close my eyes as I nestle into him.  "So what...?  They
think you're giving me a talking to?"

He tightens his embrace as I change my position. "...something like
that."

Another long silence ensues.  It had only been a few days since we
were last alone, yet his physical contact feels like it is long overdue.

He gives me one final constriction before releasing me, his muscles
stretching the fabric of his shirt.  His hands rest on the small of my
back as he leans against my desk, bringing us closer to eyelevel.

"So about this school camp..." he begins.

"What about it?" I pretend to be oblivious to his direction.  Judging
by what was said at the table, I have a pretty good idea where this is
going.

"I was thinking that it's not a good idea to send you off into the
woods."  He voice takes a very theatrical discerning tone.

I nod my head in agreement, playing along.  "Where flushable toilets
are all but a myth."

"No heat, poor quality food, and forest residing axe murderers.  It's
just not a safe place for someone so young."

"Not to mention all the diseases those toilets must breed..."

"With no educational value, it's just not smart to put you in harm's
way like that."

"...I'm still pretty horrified by the toilets."

"So Caleb..." he pulls me closer between his legs, intensifying his
natural imposition.  "Would you instead like to come with me?"

I start to lose my stream of consciousness in this position.  At this
point, I doubt I could deny him any request.  Though I could see the
invitation coming, the gratification I gleam from the actual event is
immense.  I move my hands to cup his jaw as I slowly move my face
towards his.  I close my eyes as our lips touch and glide my tongue
into his mouth.  His own tongue cradles mine, the taste is something
I instantly become addicted to.  The sensation becomes too much
and I retreat before I lose all feeling in my body.  Still less than an
inch away from his mouth I slowly exhale.

"So that's a yes?"

"That's a yes." I quietly breathe while still recovering from the kiss.

An excited smile crosses his face.  He quickly moves towards me
and invades my mouth.  I kiss him back but it doesn't take long
before conscious control becomes too taxing on my mental capacity.
I retreat, barely standing.

"You okay, Caleb?" His genuine concerned tone making its first
appearance of the night.

I slowly respond "Yeah... it's just very... overwhelming.  It's
difficult to stay conscious when you do that."

He chuckles, pleased with the effect he has on me.

He begins to look conflicted, mulling over something in his head.
"...Alice is probably worried about you.  I've been in here for
awhile."

Though I didn't want him to go, I could see his point.

"Do you think she can worry a little longer?" I look at him
pleadingly.

Needing no substantial amount of persuasion, he replies, "She's
going to have to."

He pulls me into another embrace and lets out a single chuckle.

"What?" I inquire.

"What you said... it was a little funny."

"So not the point."

I let him force out my guilt for a little while longer, knowing I'd
have to deal with it when he eventually did leave.

Though at times it felt like it, this wasn't a fairytale.  Things could
go wrong at so many turns, it would only take one wrong move and
we would be destroyed completely.  If our relationship ever did end,
it would be the end of me.  My life is tethered to him and I had made
a stupid mistake that could have turned out a lot worse, possibly
severing that tether.  But we were still in each other's arms, I was
still alive.

I tighten my embrace, clinging to him, to my life.

***

The following Saturday went by without incident.  From the outside
it was a lot like any other Saturday night dinner.  Even the new
addition of Duncan was largely unnoticeable, I even forgot here was
there a number of times.  It was still difficult for me to speak in front
of everyone, but I was determined to master any skill that would
benefit mine and Mikaihail's relationship. Though nothing had
occurred during the intervening week, it seemed that everyday which
passed only made it harder to be away from Mikaihail.  My body had
become completely dependent upon him, it craved his presence.  It
was more intense than any drug addiction; I knew this because to
give him up would be like trying to wean off oxygen: impossible.

It was 10 minutes into second period sport and the substitute still
hadn't shown up.  Though it didn't really matter if they had, all I did
in sport these days was think about Mikaihail.  The curriculum now
consisted of whatever was easiest for the current substitute to
supervise.  This usually meant a class voted sport or a free study
period.

I was lost in my thoughts when the teacher finally arrived.  It took
me a second to realise who it was.  My heart skipped a beat when the
person starring back at me was none other than Mr Stevens.  Our
eyes locked for a brief moment, whilst we seemingly evaluate each
other.  The scare on his face was still noticeable, yet not nearly as
obvious as it was the last I time I saw him.  I hoped, as hope was all I
was capable of, that my face belied my fear.  He quickly breaks his
gaze and begins to address the class.

As the period progressed, though he looked around the room as he
spoke, he intentionally never made eye contact with me.  It seemed a
well handed punch to the back of the head was all one needed to
learn to avoid.  I was actually a little jealous that Mikaihail's devices
worked so much better than my own. Though it was difficult to
shake the fear, I couldn't let him see it, I had to act at least normal.

The rest of the class was discussing some activity that was set for the
session, while I hadn't even glanced at the board the entire period.
Thanks to our unspoken arrangement, I no longer needed to pay even
the slightest bit of attention.  Mr Stevens left me completely to my
own contemplations.

As it was for the rest of my subjects this week, all I was thinking
about was how I could possibly forego my school trip, without it
coming to the school's or my parent's attention.  Thanks to my
ability to alienate my cohort in its entirety, my absence would most
likely go unnoticed by my fellow students.  On recall alone, the staff
would be even less likely to realise a student was missing.  There
was, unfortunately, a fail-safe for that exact occurrence.  They would
most definitely have roll calls on location, and I now realised that
what seems like such a lax system is actually quite difficult to defeat.

But I would figure this out. I wouldn't let my intelligence, the thing
about me I am most confident of, be the reason Mikaihail and I
couldn't be together.

"Would you like to offer your thoughts Mr Nathanial?"  My mind is
brought back to reality by a familiar voice.  Mr Steven's is looking
down at me from the front of my desk, a look on his face as if he was
talking to just another absentminded student, not one he tried to...

"My thoughts on what exactly?" I reply uninterestedly, trying to
sound as if he didn't affect me.  Mr Stevens was the closest person to
my secret, I had to make sure that he wouldn't get any closer, that I
was in control of the situation.  I wasn't going to let the student-
teacher relationship reform, and with it, the power imbalance.  I
wasn't going to let him forget that I had something on him.  I had a
blade hovering over his head, one I could drop at any moment.

In actuality, I was never going to tell anyone about that night.  There
was no way to explain what I was doing at that complex, or even
how I had gotten there, without revealing Mikaihail's involvement.  I
was sticking to my promise, this wasn't going to affect him
negatively.  But the power was in the threat, for all Mr Stevens knew
I could be planning to tell at any moment.

"On Mr Crowley's condition." He angles his body to give me sight
of the board.

On the top of the board the name, 'Damian Crowley', is written,
followed by a passage outlining his case.

I pick out the important points, "... 28 year old male... Sprinter...
Olympic aspirations... Trains 7 days a week... Shark attack resulting
in loss of leg tissue and bone fracture..."

After a moment of silence he prompts "What would be your
recommendation?"

"As his...?" I request clarification.

"Trainer"

I give a small scoff, "I would probably recommend he get a more
qualified opinion."  My statement is met with muffled laughs from
the class.  Mr Steven's expression turns to one of contempt.

To be fair, he had created this for himself.  I wasn't a simple student
anymore, the rules didn't apply to me.  Just to drive point home, "If
the nerve damage can be repaired and the probable necrosis be
somehow avoided, no matter the amount of physical therapy, he still
wouldn't get full functionality of his leg back."  I shrug my shoulder
and continue, "So my recommendation would be that he should
lower his aspirations, or consider a new career."

"So a man who has only one goal in life, who would do anything for
that goal, you would tell him to give up?"  Mr Stevens replies as if
he is making a point.

"Well if he's willing to do anything I suppose you could advise him
to cut it off.  Then he would be on even footing to compete in the
Paralympics.  No pun intended." Another round of muffled laughs
sounds through the room, "But I would have some moral
reservations with giving that advice...  I mean he could always try a
new career, one that doesn't require any skill.  Like shoe salesmen,
janitor, or... sports teacher."  This comment is not met with the same
muffled laughter; everyone in the class knew I had crossed the line.

Mr Stevens tries to palm my comment off. "Physical education
teacher," he corrects.

"I find the education part of that title a little misleading."  I rebut.

I wanted to send him a message.  I wanted him to know that I wasn't
just being an obnoxious student, that I wasn't going to forget what
had happened, that I had one over him.

"See me after class Mr Nathanial"

My chest started to sink at the prospect of being alone with Mr
Stevens again.  The last time that happened, it almost turned into a
life scarring event.  Then I luckily had my protector to look after me.
But now I was all alone, nothing but myself to rely on.  If something
went badly, Mikaihail would not rescue me this time.

With the sound of the school bell, I realised that this was the key to
my problem.  The answer I had been looking for all week: Mr
Stevens would be an accompanying teacher on the trip.  That's all I
needed, this small possibility would be enough, I would make sure of
that.

As the class slowly emptied Mr Stevens sat at his desk, going over
some paper work.  I was still frozen in my chair.  Could I do this?
My hands were shaking, my chest felt heavy, and walking towards
this man was the last thing I wanted to do.  My baser instincts were
yelling at me to run, to avoid the danger.

All it took to silence them was the thought of what I was doing this
for, more precisely, who I was doing this for.  I took a deep breath,
letting the realisation absolve me.  The tremors receded and
determination quelled ever other inconsistent emotion.

I walked to the side of his desk as the last of the students fluttered
out the classroom door.  I wasn't sure exactly how I would do this, it
all depended on him.

I fix my blank expression as our eyes meet.

"Your behaviour is class today was highly inappropriate."

I wondered how long he was going to keep up this student-teacher
charade.

"I have good reason to report this to the principal.  Suspension this
late in the year could be harmful to your exam preparation."

Like I needed the class time, it didn't help anymore.

"However," his tone reminiscent of the fateful night, "I could be
persuaded otherwise..."  He turns his body to face mine and opens
his legs.

I could feel bile rising in my stomach. The very thought was more
vulgar to me than things that would make the average person vomit.
My subtle hints hadn't gotten through to him.  This forced the
situation further into dangerous territory.

I hide my hands behind my back and pulled Mikaihail's cell phone
from my pocket as I slowly lower myself towards Mr Stevens. I go
through the phone's menus in my head trying to remember exactly
what buttons I needed to press.  Mr Stevens sticks out his pelvis and
moves his hands to his crotch.

My determination falters as my heartbeat increases.  'You're in way
over your head' was all I could think.  I forced the thoughts out of
my mind, it was too late to re-evaluate, I was going to do this no
matter the outcome.

As I move my head forward as he slowly opens his fly, looking
directly at my face the whole time.  The expression on his own as if
the impending action would make me his bitch.  He grabs his bulge
through his underwear,

"This is what you want isn't it; you little faggot."

I couldn't bring myself to answer.  The hatred boiling beneath the
surface would be impossible not to show.

"What? No smart-ass comment now?  Well, you won't be able to
speak in a second."

His hand descends into his underwear as he grabs his crotch and
pulls out his cock.  He cradles it in his fingers and waves it in front
of my face.  The head of his penis was a menacing purple colour.  It
was short, not even as long as his palm. But it was thick, not the
monster Mikaihail's was, though the shortness made it look out of
proportion.  The smell radiating from it was repulsive, as though it
hadn't been washed for weeks.

"Go on you little cocksucker.  You don't want me to go to the
principal about your disobedience in class," he smiles his vile smile,
"... pun intended."  His iteration of my words accentuating his
supposed dominance over me.

It's all I need.  In one movement I spring backward and move my
hand holding the phone in front of me.  I angle the phone so that the
picture of him will have enough of the classroom so that there would
be no doubt where he was.  The electronic sound of the photo being
taken wipes the vile expression off his face, pure shock and horror
replacing it.  I hit the save button as I run to the door.

My heart lurches as he catches my wrist just after I get to the exit.  I
throw the phone out over the second story balcony and into the some
shrubs lining the student filled path below.  I take a mental
photograph of exactly where it lands; Mr Stevens nowhere near close
enough to also see it.

He nearly pulls my arm out of its socket as he yanks me back into
the classroom.  He shoves me into the door, his forearm pinning my
chest against it.

"You little shit!  What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"  He
raises his fist, ready to strike.

Fear more intense than I've ever felt grips me, fear for my life. I
tried to will myself to talk, tried to let the knowledge of who I was
doing this for give me enough strength.

The boiling anger in Mr Stevens' face intensifying with my silence.

"You'd better go and get that..."

I cut him off "Shut up."

His fist now trembling in anger. "What?"

I lower my head and slowly shake it. "Just shut the hell up."

His angry face is stunned.  My reaction obviously not the one he was
expecting.

Defiance now filling my face, "Don't talk to me like you're in
control here.  I could tell any time I want."

"If you were going to, you would have done it by now."  He replies,
firmly confident.

"The only reason I haven't is because I thought it might be useful to
have one over a teacher, but maybe I was wrong."  My words slowly
register on his face, the ferocity slowly being replaced by defeat.

"Should I just go and tell the authorities now?" He gradually releases
the force of his arm pinning me to the wall.  I slide down till my feet
reach the floor.

"Better."  I brush down my shirt and fix my collar, trying desperately
to keep the confident facade.

I begin to walk to the door, as I leave I stop and turn to meet his
defeated face.  "Oh. And if I can't think of a reason not to tell, I'll
have the police let you know."

As soon as I'm sure he can no longer see me I run through the short
hallway and down the internal stairs.  I burst through the back door
of the building and fall against the outer brick wall of the school
property.

The confrontation was over and with it the last of my determination
vanishes.  With nothing to hold it back anymore the repressed fear
ravages every one of my nerves.  I slowly slide down the wall as my
entire body starts to lose feeling.  My hands shake uncontrollably
and I grip my head, trying to make them stop.  My breathing
becomes shallow and rapid, like I can't catch my breath.  I feel like
I'm going crazy, as if I am losing myself.

For a long moment I feel as if the bonds tying my mind to my body
would break at any second. But after a few minutes I regain some
semblance of normality, my breathing slows and my head becomes
slightly clearer.  But now it's not only the fear I feel; I also feel
strangely good.  I couldn't figure it out at first but it felt as if I had
accomplished something that I should never be capable of.  I had just
been able to manipulate someone so much older and physically
stronger than myself, no less, someone who was supposed to have
authority over me.  The very idea gave me an unsettlingly sadistic
thrill.

***

After 5 minutes into the next period I pulled myself together and I
went and found Mikaihail's cell.  When I got home I put the picture
onto a spare USB drive, took it apart and retrieved the memory chip.
I then opened up my TV and attached the chip to the signal
processing board.  The rest of the USB I crushed up and threw away.
Maybe it was a little over the top but I wasn't taking any chances.

While driving down the familiar route to the school I couldn't help
but feel apprehensive about what I was about to do.  Though I
ethically had no qualms, the prospect of truanting and blackmailing a
teacher to cover it up was not without its own amount of anxiety.  I
guess nerves of steel are something else I'll have to develop in the
interests of protecting my relationship with Mikaihail.

"You don't have to look so worried Caleb, it's not going to be that
bad."  Mother speaks as she pulls the car to a halt outside the school
grounds.

"You're right. It's probably going to be a whole lot worse." I smile
acceptingly.

"Do you want me to come and see you off?"

"I think somewhere between the SpaghettiOs and the 4000 word
essay on doctor assisted suicide, I lost the need to be escorted by my
mummy." It would also make ditching substantially more difficult, I
added mentally.

"I'll be here to pick you up on Monday."  She kisses me on the
cheek.

I get out of the car with my bag in tow.

I walk across the school grounds to where the class is meeting, all
the while getting a hold of myself.  As I walk down the steps to the
sidewalk where the bus is waiting I am quickly immersed in a sea of
my peers talking excitedly about the imminent trip.  The urge to
leave becomes increasingly strong as I try to block out their
incessant rambling and squeals of excitement.

I start to survey the crowd, searching for the key to my exit strategy.
Mr Stevens isn't difficult to find, standing a head above the tallest
student wearing dark sunglasses and a black wife beater.  His arms
folded, chest puffed out, with a hard expression on his face.  I
swallow the lump in my throat and approach him.

"I don't think the ex-army sergeant look is working for you.  You
don't seem to be baiting any of the fifteen year old boys."

He turns to face me, his expression unchanged.  I stare at his
concealed eyes.

"What do you want?" He asks coldly.

"You know, we're probably going to see a lot of each other on this
trip." I begin. "In fact I'm pretty sure you're going to see me every
second of every day... Even if I'm not actually there."

"What?" There is an edge of confusion in his voice.

I exhale exhaustedly.  I guess I'm going to have to spell it out for
him.

"In fact, I'm pretty sure the attendance records will be evidence to
that avail."

The realisation washes over him as his lips tighten.  Though I was
the one controlling the situation, his acquiescence did not feel like
surrender, it reeked of defiance.

"Well, have fun." I give a single wave, not a foot from his face.  The
relief filling me with anticipation as I walk back towards the school.
I cannot help but quicken my pace as I round the office building and
the mouth of the road I had exited two Wednesdays ago comes into
view.  I cross the road and as I enter the street I see the lone sleek,
black car sitting idle on the curb.

My face lights up and it's all I can do not to run toward the car that
looks so out of place in the decrepit, overgrown street.  I quickly
reach the passenger door and yank it open.  I scramble into the seat
and close the door behind me without looking at him.  I stare through
the windshield while I wait for my mind to catch up with the
situation.  The smile on my face widens as my racing heartbeat
begins to feel normal.  I slowly turn my head to meet his gaze.  His
composure seems untainted by the situation, but I could see the same
exhilaration behind the seasoned expression.

"Hey." His voice sends a shiver to my heart.  Only once the effect of
his presence grips do I realise how much more I missed it when it
was absent.  The intervening week: too long of a reprieve.

I take a slow breath to clam myself down but the building excitement
becomes too much to contain, too much to suppress.

I practically jump from my seat over to his.  I hitch my leg on his far
side, straddling him.  Cupping his jaw I fervently kiss him, trying to
taste as much as possible in an attempt to satiate myself; knowing
full well it is a doomed endeavour.  He quickly starts to kiss me
while lowering the back rest of his seat.  His hands move to my thigh
and hip, gripping me tightly.

The feel of his body beneath mine, his hands holding me, his lips and
tongue passionately kissing me; the overwhelming feeling he
inspires in me pushes my mind into overload.  I should be wanting
relief, but my craving for him compelled me further.  It was like
having something you're forbidden to; I wanted as much as I could
get before it was taken away.

While trying desperately to hold onto consciousness, I kiss him even
more frantically.  I move my hands from his jaw and slide them
under his coat to feel his stomach muscles; every one of his perfect
contours easily felt through his shirt.  I caress his abs and pecs before
moving my hands slowly lower.

As I reach the bulge in his pants he starts to moan through our
kissing. I rub his gigantic member through his pants while
wondering if I'll ever get accustomed to its massive size.

"Caleb, Caleb, Stop" he manages to muffle in between our kissing.

I retreat confused; hoping that whatever the problem was, it wasn't
me.  "Am I doing something wrong?"  I stare into his eyes fearing
his rejection.

He smiles suggestively.  "Not even a little."

"Then what?"

He strokes his hand across my face and through my hair, his
affectionate expression intense on his face.  "Any further and I
wouldn't be able to stop myself."

I shift my eyes in confusion. "So?"

"We have to leave now if we're going to make our flight."

I blink periodically trying to register what he's saying.  "We're
actually going?" The excitement is obvious in my voice.

He smiles "They'll be expecting me in Fiji tomorrow."

I exuberantly start kissing him again.  The same craving takes over
and I'm once again lost in the delirium of being with him.

"Caleb." He says in a slightly disapproving manner.

I then realise that I somewhat subconsciously began moving my
hand to its previous position.  I hang my head in embarrassment.

"Sorry."

I look back up at him knowing the longing I feel is plain on my face.
He pulls me against his body exhaling in contented relief.

"Caleb.  I have you all to myself for the next three days.  There will
be plenty of time for it." He gives a small scoff, "Did you really
think I'd have it any other way?"

I push his cheek to the side and look up at his face for a few seconds
of perfection before moving closer and sensually kissing his bottom
lip.  He breaks from the kiss with a huge grin.

"You need to get back in your seat before I lose it."

With that he deftly picks me up into a cradle and puts me back on the
passenger side.  He moves his seat back to its original position and
starts the car.  As we drive past the school my classmates are still in
a flurry of excitement outside of the bus.  Another hit of relief comes
over me as the reality that I had escaped the torture sets in.  Of
course, that emotion was nothing compared to the feeling of being
next to the person who meant everything to me.

I stare out the passenger window contentedly, letting the effect of his
presence consume me.

"I love you." His deep voice startles me.

I stare at him as the rest of the world losses its meaning.  I couldn't
get used to words like that coming from him, it seemed so far away
from the hardened masculine man I had known for such a long time.
It was hard to believe he had ever spoken these words, much less
spoken them now, the most difficult part to believe was that they
were directed at me.

As the words register a heavy feeling came over my chest; the
sentiment was heart-breakingly beautiful.  Hearing him say it gave
my own existence new meaning.  I wasn't just me anymore, the sum
of my parts, something intangible was added to me.  Something
which overshadowed every other piece of me and transformed the
very notion of what life meant.  The way he looked at me made it
almost obvious; the most important facet of me was that I was
important to him.  Wrapped in the emotion of the situation, for a few
second I lost my verbal capability.

"Mikaihail..." was all I could whimper out.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back."  He seemed sincere in his
words, like he was expecting me not to say it.  The very idea was
ludicrous.

I shake my head in disbelief.  "I sat across a table from you for three
long years wanting nothing more than to be with you.  I love you
more than someone should be allowed to love someone else."  I look
up at him with a powerless expression.  "...I love you so much it's
almost pathological."

His hand reaches over and cups my face, stroking me with his
thumb.  His affectionate expression more intense than I could ever
remember it.

"Still, I love you more."

A more ridiculous statement had never been spoken.  "How do you
figure?" I say patronisingly.

He smiles at my utter disbelief before replying solemnly.  "Because,
you were ready to leave..."  He drops his hand to my shoulder and
returns his eyes to the road.

I couldn't believe he would think that if he truly understood my
position.  "...When did you know?"

"Know what?" he replies still looking away.

"That you wanted me... in that way."

He gives a small chuckle before replying.  "It had probably been
there for awhile.  But I didn't know until... pretty much that
afternoon."

"...Are you kidding me?" he doesn't reply, most likely assuming my
question was rhetorical. "I had been pining for you for three whole
years.  That would have turned into five by the time I left.  Do you
really think I should have stayed to yearn for someone who could
never be mine, not even in a billion iterations of reality?  Well sorry
Mikaihail; sorry if I didn't want to be that pathetic."  I say while
rolling my eyes.

"...You're adorable, Caleb."  He replies, clearly unpersuaded.

The condescension those words would inspire coming from any
other person would fill me with hatred.  But I couldn't even be
angry, my body was incapable of feeling any negativity toward him.
That, however, made me frustrated with myself.

He squeezes my shoulder, forcing the frustration from my face as the
reality that I was here with him consumes me entirely.  The easy
defeat of my negativity only furthering the perception of me as
adorable...

I grab onto his forearm and rest my head on his bicep as he continues
to drive to the airport.  After a few minutes I see him grinning again.

"What?"

He looks down at me still grinning. "You love me."

I smirk at him. "It really can't be that much of a surprise...  It was
kind of obvious."

***

A comfortable silence was held most of the way to the airport.  I had
voiced my objection about going in together but his reassuring smile
quickly squelched my reluctance.  Based on his urgency (well, as
urgent as someone with that degree of composure can show) in the
car I guessed we would be cutting it close to get on the plane.  For
that sake, I was hoping it would be a relatively slow day at the
airport.

It was my first time in the departures section of the international
terminal, so I didn't have anything to compare it to, but the scene I
saw was not inspiring me with hope for catching the flight.

"Urgh." I groan in annoyance.  "The line is huge.  Will we be able to
make it?"  I ask looking up at him.  The sight of him banishing my
annoyance and filling me with adoration.  I swear this quasi
bipolarity was going to do some serious harm to my brain.

"It's not so bad." He says reassuringly.

I looked back at the crowd of people in front of the check-in counter
making sure I hadn't missed something obvious.  "I'm pretty sure
you can call it a long line when the file of people is longer than the
roped queue."  I defend my evaluation.

He smiles the same parental smile as he leads me to the side of the
crowd.  A much smaller line of people stand in front of the very end
of the check-in counter.  My novitiate status with the context
hindered my realisation of what was going on.  People in the other
line were looking at those in ours, particularly Mikaihail and me.  I
then realised that the two other people in our line were wearing very
expensive looking clothes.  I side stepped to look around the couple
and saw the sign that designated what our line was for.

"Please tell me you didn't buy us first class tickets."  I ask defeated,
knowing that there was no chance he hadn't.  I felt terrible about him
spending any money on me; a coach ticket would have been bad
enough.

He just grinned at me for a moment before replying.  "It was
necessary."

"Necessary how?"

"You'll see."

I couldn't push the issue further as the female attendant called "Next
please."

I shadowed Mikaihail to the counter as he began checking us in with
the slightly-too-friendly attendant.  I felt uneasy with so many people
looking at us.  I wondered how many of them came up with an
innocent story like we were relatives or family... and how many of
them guessed correctly.  The idea made my unease worse until I was
broken from my chain of thought by something the attendant said.

"And I'll just need your passports."

Mikaihail looked at me with a worried crease in his eyes as he
realised his oversight.  I tried hastily to find my passport so as to
quickly quell his anxiety.  He couldn't hide his surprise as I
produced it; I smiled at him while turning to the attendant.  She
looked at his passport before mine and seemed surprised by what she
saw.

"Is this your first time outside the country..." she paused to read my
name "...Caleb."

"Yeah." I smile at her conversationally.

"Are you excited?"

I give a quickly glance in Mikaihail's direction. "Ecstatic."

She went back to processing us and we were finished before long.
We got through security before Mikaihail's curiosity got the better of
him.

"Why do you have an unused passport?"

I answer without looking at him; it was much easier to speak this
way.  "My uncle, Alice's brother, was getting married in London a
few years back and we were going to attend.  But by the time it came
around to going, the happy couple broke up."

"But you didn't think we were going.  So why did you bring it?"

"Well I was just prepared... I mean I also have my birth certificate in
here."  I look towards the floor awaiting his reaction to my plethoric
preparations.

He exhales angrily.

I look up at him, surprised by the intensity of his judgement.  But he
is not looking at me.  I follow his gaze to an overhead monitor and
search for the source of his irritation.  My expression drops when I
see a delayed indicator highlighted next to the new departure time.

"...four hours."

He turns to me with an apologetic expression.  "I guess you see why
most people hate airports."

It was true, I was annoyed.  But it wasn't because of the four hours
I'd have to wait, it was because of the four hours I had lost.  Four
more hours of this charade, four hours that I was supposed to be
alone with him.

I smile at him defeated.

"Do you want to get something to eat?" He offers in consolation.

"Sure."

We went to the only cafe in the departures lounge and sat at a
relatively private table.  We had never really made small talk before
and I was a little apprehensive about how interesting I could be to
him; the generation gap seemingly left little in common.

He quickly extinguished that fear by focusing on the very obvious
thing we did have in common: each other.  He asked me a myriad of
unrelated questions about my life with an intense interest.  He
seemed completely enthralled by my trivial answers and I hoped that
whatever caused the illusion of me being interesting would somehow
sustain.

He asked me about my subjects at school, what I wanted to become,
why I wanted to be a surgeon, what movies and books I liked, what
foods I enjoyed and disliked, what my hobbies were, if and where I
wanted to travel.

His questions flowed with a fervidity almost like a hunger, and while
I wanted to return the questions, holding my own proved to be
difficult.  I had to concentrate on controlling my facial muscles, not
letting them show everyone who looked at me how completely
enamoured I was by him.  The small table accentuated the difference
in our body sizes and intensified his natural imposition.  But more
pertinently: his life was a sensitive subject.  I didn't want to ask
about his family lest he feel guilty by being reminded of what he was
forsaking by being with me.  I wished I could have the same
confidence in his expression he displayed.

We eventually left the cafe and headed toward to gate to wait out the
remaining three hours.   There were more people than I thought there
would be considering how much time we still had till boarding, but I
guess they got just as screwed by the situation as we did.

As we took a couple of seats near the gateway Mikaihail produced a
brochure.  I read it across from my own seat and quickly picked up
on what it was.  He unfolded it and I read the details of the
conference he was attending.

"You're a keynote speaker?" I asked impressed.

"It's nothing."

"And you're modest... I really hope there's a flaw in you
somewhere."

His resulting deep chuckle sends flutters to my heart.

"Mike!"  A man's voice calls from the distance.

I turn away from Mikaihail, trying to look like I'm not his
companion.  He quickly gets up and turns toward the voice, blocking
the person's view of me.

In my peripheral vision I can see that it's not just one man
approaching, but three.  The way they approached him was strange,
somehow cautious.  Every movement they made seemed measured
and restricted by some internal propriety.

"Hello Dave." His voice was not casual, as if he were exchanging
words with a friend, but subtly commanding, like a boss talking to
his subordinate.  He did not share their wary demeanour.

"...We were just going to go to the bar till the plane's ready.  Want to
come?"

The whole situation was eerily familiar, it took me a second to
realise what this scene reminded me of.  In a moment of clarity it
struck me: they weren't being cautious, no, they were cowering.  It
was a primordial reflex they had to Mikaihail, to this behemoth of a
man.  I doubt they were fully conscious of it, this evolutionary
vestige of a point where humans were more like animals. The
subtleties in their demeanour were communicating submissiveness,
communicating that Mikaihail was the leader, the dominant one, the
alpha male.

The fact that Mikaihail was a leader in society was not a spurious
eventuation; his natural place was at the head of the social order.  By
virtue of being the natural head, he had his choice of anyone he
wanted.  And for whatever glitch in reality, he had chosen me, he
had chosen us, Mikaihail and me, the alpha male and me.

"Sure."  He turns back to me and leans over pretending to collect his
things.  He looks at me guiltily.  "Sorry." He says quietly.

"It's okay; I have stuff I need to study anyway.  Go have fun."  I try
to alleviate his guilt.

A grim smile crosses his face, presumably at the prospect of the
gathering being fun for him.  I watch him walk away with his
colleagues while trying to force out the gratuitous feeling of
rejection.

I decided that studying might actually help the time go by.  I pulled
out my maths text book, a notepad, and Mikaihail's cell phone to use
as a calculator.  It took a second to get into the flow of the quadric
equations, but like everything else school related, I found it very
simple.

For the past weeks I had been working on problems that, for the
most part, I couldn't even begin to solve.  I had lost faith in my own
ability.  My intelligence used to be the only claim I made in this
world, yet recently it seemed so inadequate.  It was somehow very
redeeming to be able to so easily work out these complicated
equations.

Within 45 minutes I had caught up what I had missed in the past few
weeks, 30 more and I had learnt the final two week's material.  It
took even less time to go through the simple physics we were
learning in science this term.  The only other study I could do was
for business class, and that didn't really help to get my mind off
Mikaihail.

I put my books away and sunk into my chair.  It seemed the passing
of time had brought with it a whole lot more people to the gate.  I
looked at the clock; there was still about 20 minutes until the
scheduled departure.  The light outside had almost completely
vanished; something I hadn't noticed the entire time I was studying.

I sighed and wondered how Mikaihail was going....  He surely
wouldn't be mulling over our separation like I am.  Why did I have
to be so neurotic while everything seemed to roll right off him?

"Is this seat taken?"

I looked up at the man the voice belonged to.  He was around thirty
years old and wearing a business suit.  I hoped this wasn't another
one of Mikaihail's colleagues.  He was motioning to the empty seat
beside me, the one Mikaihail had sat in.  I presumed Mikaihail
wasn't going to be back until our flight was called to board, so I
reluctantly relinquished his claim to it.

"Guess not."

He takes the seat and exhales in a kind of conversational way.  I
ignore it; I didn't want him to remember me in case he did know
Mikaihail.  "This delay is ridiculous."

"I'd rather a little wait than blowing up in the sky." I say curtly,
trying to cut off the conversation.

Instead he laughs at my comment.  "I guess that's true.  That's very
glass half full of you, in a kind of morbid way."

Why couldn't he take the hint?  I suppose if he was going to persist
in talking I might as well ascertain if he was a threat.  "Travelling on
business?

He laughs again as if my comment had any comedic merit.  "No,
holidaying.  I had to come straight from a meeting to make the plane,
no time to change."

I was relieved I didn't have to worry anymore.  I felt a little bad that
I was rude to him, so I take the opportunity to make up for my
indiscretion.  "What do you do?" I try to sound interested.

"I'm a city planner."

"My mother is a public servant.  I know what how it can be."

"Are you travelling alone?"

"No, he's not."  Mikaihail's hard voice startles me.  He stares down
the man beside me, his eyes threatening.

I wouldn't have ever thought that Mikaihail would duke it out with
someone in an airport terminal, but looking at his expression it
seemed all but inevitable.  I quickly jumped up with my bag and
stood in front of Mikaihail trying to capture his gaze.  He looks past
me, not seeming at all deterred.  I grab his hand and try to pull him
to the gateway.

"They're about to start boarding, let's go." I say a little frantically.

Mikaihail looks down at me, the threat in his eyes melts as they
connect with mine.  I smile at him, trying to stay on the road that
didn't end with fisticuffs.

We walk toward the gateway as the attendant starts announcing the
boarding procedures. As we continue through the boarding tube the
situation finally hits me.  I intertwine our fingers and let out a happy
laugh.

Mikaihail looks at me intrigued. "What?"

I look up at him smiling.  "It's kind of exciting."

He squeezes my hand as he puts his arm around me, pulling me
closer.  As we enter the plane the flight attendant directed us to the
first class cabin and our seats.  The large seats only gave room for
the cabin to seat eight people, though no other travellers had
followed us in.

Unable to wipe the smile off my face, I resume our postponed
conversation.  "I fail to see why this was necessary."

He smiles at me parentally.  "People who know me are in the other
cabin...  But, if you want a better reason..." he reaches beside his
chair and extends forward a curtain "...this is the only way I could
have you.  Sitting next to you for three hours without doing this..."
he glances to make sure nobody is in the cabin and lower his face to
mine, kissing me sensually "...would have been a big ask."

My natural reaction to continue my protest was obliterated by his
lips.  Being left in a state where I wasn't even sure my heart was still
beating left little room for that level of thought.

My excitement over the situation began to build as the plane was
taxied out to the runway.  I looked out the window expectantly as the
plane begins its takeoff.  I return my gaze to Mikaihail who is taking
in my excitement with an amused expression.

"You're not going to cite this as a lack of maturity are you?"  I ask
suspiciously.

The smile on his face grows wider.  "I'm just happy to be with you
for your first time flying."

"You've been there for a lot of my first times..." I say with a sly
smile.

He chuckles as I look back through the window.

Once the plane was level in the air and I had settled down, I wanted
to close the curtain for the rest of the three and a half hour flight.
However, there was something else I thought would be fitting for the
situation.  I quickly go through a number of possible directions the
coming conversation could take and prepare my answers.

"Does this airline serve alcohol?"

He looks at me disapprovingly. "We're not in Fiji yet. And even if
we were, the legal age there is 21."

"Well, technically, once we're international airspace, there is no
legal drinking age."

He holds a hard expression as he thinks about my statement.

I take advantage of his indecision. "It's our first vacation together.
We should celebrate."

His hard look beings to break, letting me know that I have won.  He
calls over a passing stewardess and asks for champagne.  She
quickly brings out two glasses to us.  As she leaves, Mikaihail turns
to me.

"I think that's all the intrusion we need from the outside world." He
says as he pulls the curtain closed. "Cheers."

"Cheers." I smile at him and take a sip of my champagne, he
observes me while drinking his own.  "That... That's... That's really
awful."

He holds back a laugh.

I smile at him and take another swig. "But, alcohol is alcohol."

After we finished the champagne, the late hour started to get to me.
I hadn't been getting much sleep lately.  Whenever I tried to go to
sleep it was difficult to shut off my brain.  I would just lie awake at
night while my brain tried in vain to sort out my head.  Whether it
was planning how to get away from school unnoticed, or trying to
come to terms with my new take on life, I couldn't ever stop
thinking.  Mikaihail had made my life infinitely more complicated
and yet being beside him like this made everything seem so simple.
It was the only truth in reality anymore: I wasn't me unless I was
with him.

I let out a yawn and rest my head on his chest, closing my eyes.  The
warmth of his body lulling me into sense of security.

He strokes his hand across my torso. "Are you tired, my Caleb?"

I smile at the use of the possessive pronoun.  "A more comfortable
pillow, there is not."  I say very 16th centuryly.

He pulls me from behind my knees onto him while reclining his
chair.

"I don't want to ruin your suit."  I half-heartedly protest, my natural
disposition not wanting to let him go.

"I have plenty of suits.  I only have one you."  He enfolds me in his
hulking arms.

For the first night since me and Mikaihail had entered the realm of
possibility, I was not trying to fall into unconsciousness, I was
fighting the embrace of sleep.  To miss a second of this perfect
moment in slumber was an indefensible sin.  But, lying here against
him, wrapped in his arms, while being 35,000 feet in the air, jetting a
thousand kilometres an hour away from all my problems, the feeling
inspired an unrivalled sense of security that induced a state of bliss I
could not resist surrendering to.

***

I was awoken by a hand stroking my face.

"We're about to land."  He speaks softly; his soothing voice was the
perfect alarm.

I sleepily open my eyes as I come back to consciousness, his
affectionate expression reminding me I was still in my paradise.  "I
slept for three hours..." Guilt surges through me "I'm so sorry.  You
must've been so bored."

He speaks reassuringly.  "The last three hours were some of the best
of my life."

I extend my face towards his and kiss him lightly.  "I hope the
coming hours will rival those."

I was surprised that there was already light shining through the
window, there hadn't been enough hours passed for the sun to be up
yet.  I then realised that I should have taken into account something I
never have had to before, never before because I had never been on a
plane.

"...Two hours ahead right?"

"What's two hours ahead?"

"The time difference."

"Yeah... how did you know?"

I unwittingly entered my calculating mindset.  "Well, we travelled
for three and a half hours on a plane flying at about a thousand
kilometres an hour in the opposite direction to the rotation of the
earth, based on Australia's latitude to calculate the distance between
time zones..."

He smiled affectionately, saying nothing.  I could only guess what
judgement he made in his head.

I returned to my seat as the plane descended on the Nadi airport.  It
turned out we were the only first class fliers on the flight which
meant we were the first to leave the aircraft and our luggage was
some of the first to come out of the baggage claim.  I thanked our
luck for that, if Mikaihail's colleagues caught up with us it would
make it harder to leave together.  Even with the head start, I kept an
eye out for anyone who looked like they might be from his
corporation.

It was a strange feeling to be in another country, I had never been
outside Australia before so I had no idea what to expect.  I could tell
just by the very air I breathed that I wasn't in the same country
anymore.

We were quickly processed through arrivals and Mikaihail lead the
way to the taxi ramp. He placed our luggage in the boot of the
nearest taxi and we both entered the backseat.

He told the driver our destination, "the Hilton," and in a matter of
seconds we were speeding away from the airport.  Mikaihail put his
arm around me and rubbed my hip. "Welcome to Fiji."

I nestle into him further while looking out the window, taking in the
sight of a new country.  I already felt like I loved Fiji, though I could
say with near certainty that it was almost completely a result of who
I was with.

We hit light traffic as we neared the more metropolitan area of Nadi
and I knew that whatever head start we had on Mikaihail's
colleagues, was now lost.  I exhaled as the reprieve from our
problems would soon be over.  I quickly devised the easiest way to
get around the complication.

"When we get there, you check-in and text me the room number."

He looks at me a little irritated.  I hoped it wasn't a result of me,
rather the situation.  "That's really not necessary."

"Your friends will all be checking in at the same time."  I put my
arms around him tightly trying to sooth him. "It'll only be 5 minutes,
then we'll be alone."

The thought didn't seem to appease him at first, but a sly smile
crosses he face.  "Okay Caleb, we'll do it your way."

"...What are you thinking?" My suspicion sparked.

He smile widens at the questions.  "Being alone with you."

 I look at him sceptically but let it go; he obviously wasn't going to
tell me if he was lying.

Soon after, we arrived at the entrance to the hotel.  As we got out of
the taxi he takes my bag and balances it on top of his suitcase.  He
squeezes my shoulder as I leave him and saunter through the lobby.
I was trying to look inconspicuous but I couldn't help but be
impressed by the design of the interior, the most impressive feature
being the indoor cascading waterfall.  I quickly shook off my daze
and located a stairwell.  Mounted on the wall inside were floor plans
of each story of the building which showed the evacuation route in
case of fire.  Luckily, the room numbers were marked on the plan, all
I had to do was wait for Mikaihail to send me our room number.

I waited for about ten minutes and began wondering what was taking
him so long to check in, I didn't get far in my contemplations when I
was startled by the vibrations of my phone.  The message read only
"HM204".  I had no idea what HM was supposed to denote, perhaps
a particular part of the hotel.  I began to worry as I had no way of
working it out, but my anxiety was quickly quelled as I noticed that
the floor plan had both a room designated '204' and another room
designated 'HM204'.  It seemed that to one end of the hotel a
collection of rooms shared the prefix.  I worked out the route I would
take and was quickly on my way.

As I walked through the hotel, using my mental picture of the floor
plan to guide me, I came across what I presumed must be the
conference halls of the building.  There was already a lot of activity
outside the entrance and I guessed it must be starting soon.  Even in
a different country it still didn't seem we could get time to ourselves.

As I neared to end of my journey, the doorway to our room in sight, I
surveyed the corridor to make sure no one would see me enter.  I
knocked on the door and without so much as a second passing, it
opened, he was standing there with the same smile from the taxi on
his face.  He angled himself out of the doorway as I entered while I
looked at him discerningly.  As I took my eyes off of his I
immediately realised what HM had stood for.

"Honeymoon..."

The deduction only needed one glance at the hotel suite, it was more
than obvious.  The room was much larger than my idea of a hotel
room, the dark wood decor and white upholstery made the room look
very classy.  However, the only thing more telltale of the suite's
designation than the fireplace or the Jacuzzi I could see through the
bathroom door was the white and red rose petals scattered across the
top of the king-size bed.

Taken aback by the situation, it was difficult to speak my thoughts
"...Mikaihail... you got us a honeymoon suite..."

He came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders.  "Do
you like it?"

"Do I like the fact that you booked a honeymoon suite on a supposed
business trip? No, that I don't like." I reply exasperated.

My want to be annoyed is murdered by the situation.  "But yes, I like
it..." I turn around and look into the eyes of the man I had yearned
for for so many long years.  The man who had given me his
affection, a gift I never even entertained I would be bestowed.  The
only person I ever wanted to be with anymore.  "... I absolutely love
it."

He grinned at me as he deftly pulled me up into his arms, cradling
me.  I stared into his endlessly deep eyes as he walks across the suite
and places me in the middle of the bed of rose petals.  I kicked my
shoes off over the foot of the bed, he stepped out of his before
climbing over me.  We stare into each other's eyes, just being
grateful for the moment before he lowers his face to mine and
passionately kisses me.

I move my hands under his coat and glide them to his sides,
caressing the thick bands of muscle.  On the verge of being
completely lost in the swooning effect he causes in me and
surrendering to what would surely ensue after, I remembered what I
had seen before coming into the room.

"Wait, wait."

He lowers his much larger body onto mine, entrapping me.  "No... no
more waiting... I've been waiting for this for too long." He speaks in
between his kisses.

I continue trying to hold onto my higher level thought processes.
"What time does your conference start?"

He halts his stream of passionate kisses and exhales discontentedly
as he looks at his watch.  "...I don't have to go."

I smile at his unwillingness to leave me.  "I'm sure they'll notice if
one of the keynote speakers is missing; especially if it's the best
looking one."

Mikaihail smiles back at me.  He beings to stare, mulling something
over in his head.  "Let's not go back."  He speaks solemnly.

"...what?"

"Let's stay in Fiji... or we can go to any country you like.  We'll get
fake citizenship and start over, just you and me."

The only thing more heart warming than the idea he was proposing
was the fact that the idea didn't seem to faze him in the slightest as
he offered it to me.  But I already can see its fatal flaw.  "One...
two... three... four... five... six..."

"What are you doing?"  He asks confused.  My response obviously
not close to what he was expecting.

"Just counting how long this moment lasts for. Ten... eleven..."

"What moment?"

"The moment when nothing else matters to you but me.  Seventeen...
eighteen... nineteen..."

He lets out a throaty chuckle.  "You'll be counting for a while, my
Caleb."

I just stare into his eyes, burning the moment into my brain.
"Twenty-seven..."

"...Is there a reason you think it's going to end?"

I continue to stare.  I didn't want the moment to end prematurely, but
his mind was so completely consumed in the present that it probably
would take him awhile to see where my mind had immediately
jumped to.  With his imposition bearing down upon me, not giving
him the answer he commanded wasn't something I was capable of
doing.

I take a deep breath and slowly exhale as I destroy my perfect
moment.  ".......Duncan... forty-two."  I had to stop counting; the
moment was gone, forever in the past.

As the realisation comes over him, his expression changes, showing
his unwilling acceptance of my point.  But there also seems to be a
pain behind his eyes, one I cannot place; like the realisation had
meant more to him than I thought it would.  I try to comfort him and
bring him back to our reality; we were together, and we would be for
quite awhile longer.

I bring my hand to his face and brush my fingers across his forehead,
bringing his eyes back to mine.  I smile up at him and begin to kiss
him again.  It doesn't take long before he lets go of his anguish and
commits to the physical intimacy.

"I thought you wanted me to leave.  You're making it very difficult."
He pulls away from my face.

"I never want you to leave.  But, like Mondays, these things
happen."  I move towards him, capturing his lips with mine.

He covers my mouth with his hand and looks at me with a stern
expression.  I let the intensity fade from my eyes in compliance with
his unspoken command.

"Do me a favour."  The way he speaks doesn't make it sound like a
question.

"Anything."

"Don't stay in this room while I'm gone."

Not quite the favour I was hoping for.  "...why?  All I want to do is
lie here till you get back."

He smiles at me caringly.  "It's your first time in another country.
You shouldn't spend it cooped up in a hotel room."

I try to get out of the commitment I had unwittingly made.  "You
want me to go off by myself?"  I ask in theatrical fear.

It seems to have the intended effect, the protective look returns to his
face.  "...Stay in the resort.  You can charge anything to the room,
the key card is on the counter."  The intensity returns to his eyes as
he makes another command, "I won't be happy if I don't see any
charges from you when we check-out."

Of course he wouldn't just give in, I should have expected that.
"...okay, whatever you want."  I reside to his defeat of me.

He begins to rise off of me but I wrap my arms around him and try to
pull him back down.  "Stay... just for a few more minutes."  I look at
him pleadingly.  Though I couldn't physically force him down, he
allows himself to be guided by my hands.

He lets out a groan.  "Argh Caleb, when you look at my with those
puppy dog eyes..." He shakes his head in amusement.

Puppy dog eyes... Adorable... I didn't know if I liked the way he saw
me, quite frankly, I didn't care.  As he wrapped me up in his arms
and turned us over all I cared about was letting myself enjoy these
perfect moments we had together while they lasted.

***

After a few minutes spent in silence we reluctantly let each other go
and he left for his conference, our eyes remaining locked until he
closed the door after him.  I lied on the bed for an hour or so after he
left, running my fingers through the rose petals, waiting for the
empty feeling he left me with to go away.

After I became numb to the feeling I got up and raided the mini bar.
I thought about drinking some of the alcohol but I knew he wouldn't
approve of it; that somehow was an ironclad reason not to.  I ate my
snack while looking out the glass doors which lead onto the Fijian
beach.  After I had finished eating I decided to go for a stroll along
it.  I didn't get far before the beach entrance of the resort lead me
back into the main areas.  I explored the lagoons and different
facilities before I accepted that nothing would be interesting to me
without Mikaihail beside me.  I had lunch at the resort's restaurant
just to put something on the room's tab, I wasn't at all hungry.

While I was eating I saw the same man from the airport, as he saw
me he quickly fled in the opposite direction.  Mikaihail's nonverbal
threat clearly having a lasting effect.

As I left I could see a large amount of business suits approaching the
restaurant, I assumed that the conference was having an intermission.
I thought about trying to sneak in and watch him speak, but that plan
was riddled with holes and I was sure that wouldn't be his idea of
taking in the country.  I moped back to the beach and relaxed on one
of the numerous unoccupied deck chairs.  It didn't take long before
the sound of the waves lulled me to sleep.

***

I was awoken by the buzzing of Mikaihail's phone in my pocket.
The message read "I'm done for the day."  I stretched out of my
sleep induced dazed and noticed that the sun was disappearing on the
far end of the beach.  It was strangely disorientating having it set in a
different relative place to the coastline.

I got up from my chair and walked back along the sandy beach to
our suite.  I slid open the glass door and was met with a blast of hot
air.  I quickly shut the door behind me and noticed the raging
fireplace.  Hearing me enter, Mikaihail emerged from the bathroom
with a huge smile on his face.  I extend my arms out towards him,
like an infant wanting to be picked up.  He crosses the room in a
haste and pulls me into a vice tight hug.  There was a slight crushing
pain, but it wasn't unpleasant, it was like a reminder of who was
holding me and the intensity of the feelings he has for me.

The familiar excitement and amazement of being in a new country
returned to me.  That settled it, it was definitely an affect of him that
I liked Fiji.  I returned the embrace, cuddling further into him.

"How was your day?"

"Yeah...okay.  Would have been exponentially better if I was with
you.  How was yours?"

"Every hour without you is painful."  He laughs to himself.

"That's definitely something I can empathize with."

He moves backwards towards the bed and falls on top of it with me
still in his arms.  I start to try and move further up his frame and he
loosens his hold on me, allowing me to do so.  I start kissing him,
trying to quell my dependent need for him... but it only built.  There
was something slightly amiss about the position and I wasn't sure
what it was.

I let out a short laugh and drop my head beside his.

"What?" he seems genuinely intrigued by my outburst.

 I lift my head back up and smile humorously.  "I think I prefer it
when you're on top."

His smiles with a kind of animalistic excitement.  In one swift
movement he is on top of me, his expression unchanged.  He starts
attacking my mouth with his tongue.

Finally I can give in, I can get what I want, I can give myself to him.
I return his fervour, moving my hands under his coat and up behind
his shoulders, gripping his muscles while pulling him closer to me.

We are disturbed by a loud knock on the door.  He actually growls in
frustration of having to stop.  I half laugh at his reaction and half at
once *again* having to cease.

"Who the hell could that be?"  I say in disbelief at the irony of the
timing of our visitor.

"It's room service, I ordered us dinner."

I look back at him, glaring with faux disdain.  "You let me believe
we were... yet you knew we couldn't..."

"You have no idea how cute you are when you try to make a threat."
He grabs my hands and pulls them above my head.  His muscles
tense as his body moves with withheld lust and his voice becomes
full of anticipation "I can assure you, the next time that sun sees
you," he smiles suggestively, "you won't be the same."

I motion to the door with my eyes, my hands still shackled.  "Should
I go in the bathroom?"

My hands are forced further into the mattress.  "You stay right where
you are." He says authoritatively, he never seemed to like my
precautious handling of the situation.  He stares into my eyes,
searching for any resistance to his command, before releasing me
and moving for the door.

Mikaihail greets the intruder warmly as he wheels in enough food to
feed six people.  The man doesn't even look at me the whole time he
is in the room, he just takes the tip Mikaihail offers him and leaves.
I found the event very anticlimactic.

"Maybe I am being oversensitive about this whole thing."

Mikaihail wheels the cart over to the bed side, I prop myself up to
see what he had ordered.  "You're in a hotel full of lonely
businessmen on a tropical getaway.  I can guarantee you're not the
most unusual travelling companion he would have seen tonight."

My mind starting to wonder whether Mikaihail had included himself
in the 'lonely businessmen' category on his previous business trips.
No, of course not, I knew him better than that; he wasn't that kind of
person.  I felt guilty for even thinking it.

"Do you think I'd make the top five?"

"Probably not." He smiles at the thought.

"What do you think your colleagues get up to?"  I ask a little
unsettled.

"I really don't want to think about that."

I change the subject for him.  "What did you get?" I say while
motioning towards the food.

"I thought you might like something native, so I got us some lovo.
It's food cooked in an..."

"Earth oven," I cut him off, "Just because my travelling record may
be reminiscent of a hermit doesn't mean I'm culturally ignorant."

He chuckles at my remark before taking up residence behind me on
the bed.  His body mimics my position, spooning me.  I retract
further into him as he piles up a plate of food and places it in front of
us on the bed.

The food actually tasted much better than I imagined an alternative
heating method could add to the flavour.  We didn't even get through
a quarter of what we had before we both finished.

I turn around and look into his eyes, the only light coming from the
crackling fire.  "So... are these hours better than the ones on the
plane?"

 "That's like comparing pieces of gold among rocks."  The
suggestive smile returns to his face.  "It's difficult to tell which is
better."  He speaks while stroking my thigh.

"Shall I make it obvious for you?"  I move my hand to the noticeable
bulge in his pants, firmly massaging it.

A deep moan sounds from his chest, the lust taking over.  "ahh
Caleb... If you keep going, it won't be long before I'm exploding
inside you."

I smile at his frankness "That's exactly what I want."  I say
deviously.

"You don't want it to be over too quickly do you?" he replies while
sliding his hand to my ass cheek and begins to knead it.

"We've got an entire night to ourselves, I'm sure we'll have time for
more."

"How many times do you think you can take me?" He teases
humorously.

I pretend to be offended.  "You mean how many times can you
'perform'?"

"That sounds like a challenge."

I tease in a humorous arrogance, "What of it?"

He groans with withheld lust.  "What did I tell you about testing my
restraint?"

I look up at him, longing plain in my eyes.  "I want to be your
perfect partner.  I want all of you... nothing by halves."

He grabs my hand and wraps it around his meat, the girth is so huge
I cannot even get my hand around it.  The very size of it made me a
little apprehensive as I remembered all the pain it had caused me.
But I wanted Mikaihail, the pleasure of being with him, I would do
anything for it.  "This is not something to be taken lightly.  You're
only little, my Caleb, I don't want to hurt you."

There really was no way to deny his point.  So I instead try to bypass
the logical.  I look at him pleadingly, with my 'puppy dog eyes',
"Please... I want you completely."

He tried to sound stern but the withheld lust was still the dominant
tone in his voice.  "Caleb, don't..."

"I'll tell you if it's too much... I just want you." I continue to plead

He groans with a little anger at being swayed.  "You tell me the
second it hurts."  He commands.

"Anything."  I look down with a smile on my face.

I can almost see the barriers of control come off him.  "You have no
idea how sore you're going to be in the morning."

"I'll be in better shape than you." I tease, knowing there is no
possibility my assertion would eventuate.

"Looks like I'm going to have to teach you a lesson about your..." he
looks around the room reminding of what suite we were in,
"...husband's stamina."

He grabs my shirt and quickly pulls it over my head.  He assaults my
necks with his mouth and kisses me with fervent passion.  His hand
whips into my pants as he starts firmly groping one of my cheeks.

The pleasure starts to build inside me and I know there's no way this
will stop before he is finished.  Like he had given himself over to his
primal instincts, I doubt he'd stop even if someone walked in the
room.  The certainty imbues in me an overwhelming excitement.

He moves his hand closer to my crack and he glides over my
entrance.  His finger moves back and put pressure on the opening
without entering.

He moans as he feels the resistance to his movement.  "ah shit Caleb.
Do you even realise what you do to me.  I can't tell you how many
times I've thought about this these past months."  He pushes his
finger on my sphincter again.  "Those perfect mounds for pounding.
Feeling your tight hole squeeze every inch me."

The release had changed even the way he spoke; giving himself over
to his primal desires had caused his speech to become coarse.  The
words were making me want him even more, wanting him to quickly
take me and make me complete.  "Well, it's all yours.  I belong to
you."

He sounds a deep roar of a moan as his rips my pants and underwear
down and off my legs.  His hand moves to his pants but I grab it.

"Let me help you with that."  I release the clip and slowly unzip his
pants.  I pull down his black briefs and his penis flops out onto my
stomach with a soft slapping sound.  It wasn't erect yet; it was fat
with pooling blood, the foreskin still over the head.  The sight of the
girth brought back the twinge of fear I felt for it.  I had no idea how
that thing had ever fit into me.  Duelling with the fear came the urge
to have his manhood forcing its way inside me, to feel like that
pleasure I too faintly remembered.

I grasped his mighty schlong as best I could and began to beat him
off.  I ran my fingertips over the underside of the head, causing him
to moan in pleasure.  It didn't take long before it stood in all its
glory, the way I remembered it three weeks ago from under his desk.

He let me keep going for a few more seconds before he grabbed my
wrist.  "That's all I can take.  I have to have you now."

He reached over me to the bed side table and retrieved something
from the drawer I couldn't see.

"What is that?"

"Lubricant.  We're not in a shower this time, no water to make it
easier for you." He says while kissing my neck.

He pops it open but it's now my turn to stop him.  "Let me."  I find
his hand and take the bottle from him.  I push his shoulder over so he
is lying on his back. Feeling the fabric of his shirt I realise he still
has the remnants of his suit on; to not expose his perfect body would
be a crime.

I deeply kiss him as I drop the bottle on the side of the bed.  I move
to kiss his bottom lip, then his chin, his throat, his neck, before
moving to his tool.  I kiss it gently on the head, moving my tongue
across the top.  He roars a moan, his hips moving up automatically,
pressing his penis into my lips.  I take advantage of his raised hips
and pull his pants and briefs down, I move further down the bed and
remove them.

I lower my body as I move back up the bed between his legs.  I kiss
the insides of his muscular thighs as I move, he opens his legs wider
to give me easier access.  He moans softly as with each kiss, once I
get back up to his hips I take the head of his penis in my mouth and
begin to suck him.  I move my mouth over the head and pull back
out to the tip repeatedly.

He throws his head back and lets out a louder moan "Oh, Caleb, shit,
that's so, argh."

I move my mouth to the each side of his penis and work my way up
and down.  I get back to the top and lick my way down the underside
of the shaft.  I stop once my tongue reaches his balls.  I had never
really got a good look at them before; his penis usually took all my
attention.  But looking at them now left no question why he was such
a huge shooter.  They were humongous, more than twice the size of
golf balls.

I greedily take one in my mouth.  His sac was loose from the heat of
the room, but his balls weren't at all low hanging.  It tasted like him,
only stronger; the taste was like a methamphetamine to me.

"ahhh" he moans in pleasure.

I move to his other one, the fresh burst of his taste like another hit of
my drug.  I alternate between the two but I couldn't hope to get both
in at once.  I force myself to stop; I wanted to try something before
he stopped me.

I took the head in my mouth and continued to suck it in and out of
my mouth, he accompanying moans urging me further.  I undo the
buttons on his shirt as I massage his muscles.  The heat of the fire
had him sweating, making his muscles gleam in the firelight and feel
all the more amazing. The hair on his body and his pectorals was
damp with sweat, making his body look even more impressive in its
immensity; my anticipation of it mounting me was almost
unbearable.

After my less than astounding performance last time I tried this, I
had been practising to suppress my gag reflex each morning and
night while I brushed my teeth.  The moment of truth was finally
here.    I got up on my knees, my shins over his thighs, and
positioned my head as best I could.  I try to go down further and it
hits the back of my throat.  I prove my mental steel and suppress the
reflex as I try to force the immense girth down my throat.  It takes a
little getting used to having it there, but I my throat muscles slowly
give way to his humongous monster.

He lets out a roaring moan as he feels my throat muscles clenching
him.  I am almost smug in my sense of gratification over his reaction
to my success.  I try to go down further but he sits up and moves my
head off him.  "That was too close... I'm going to have to take over
before you go too far." He smirks at me.

I look up at him smiling as I grab the lubricant and squeeze a large
glob on the head.  I massage is down his pole, he looks into my eyes
and moves in for a kiss.  He assaults my mouth and my
consciousness wavers.  I slide my hands under his shirt and down his
arms, the last of his clothes falling off.  He gently turns me around
while continuing to kiss me.  On my knees with his sweaty
gargantuan body hunched over me, I hear more lube bring squeezed
out of the bottle.

He brings his mouth to my ear.  "As soon as it's too much, you tell
me."

I turn to look back into his eyes.  "No holding back."

He kisses the nape of my neck as I turn back, waiting for what was
coming with anticipation and apprehension.

I feel his body pressing onto the top of mine as his fingertips move
into my cleft, spreading the lube.  His finger pressing into my
sphincter as he groans with withheld lust.  He beings kissing my
shoulder while moving his finger over my entrance.   I try to relax as
he slowly applies more pressure and with a bolt of pain one of his
fingers enters me.

I grit my teeth and suppress the yelp of pain.  He moves his finger
around inside me, coating me with the lube.  As I get used to the
intrusion the pleasure starts to take over, if he kept going I would
cum just from him getting me ready for himself.

He retracts his finger and lifts himself off of me, kneeling in front of
my ass.  He positions the head of his tool at my entrance.  I can feel
the pressure and intense heat radiating from it as it threatens to enter
me. He starts to push against my opening and I try to force myself to
relax, knowing it would only hurt more if I tensed.

He gradually puts more and more force into it, the subtle pain of the
pressure building.  I have to hold my position or else I'd be pushed
away by the power as he finally enters me.  He quickly drives the
head in before he slides out.   The pain is excruciating, I scrunch my
eyes and grit my teeth to suppress a groan of pain that would surely
stop him.  I feel like it's stretching my hole far beyond what it is
capable of doing, like his mighty tool would rip me open.  My baser
mind is screaming at me to get it out, but I know that this was the
worst of it, if I could just get past it I could be with him in my
pleasure paradise.

He roars a moan as my ass muscles clench down on his massive
head.  He grabs my thighs and forces himself a little further in before
I'm over the initial pain.  It sparks a new surge of pain and I force
myself not to scream out in reaction.  I was thankful for the lube, I
couldn't imagine how much worse this would be without it.

He grabs the base of his tool and starts to angle it while inside me.
Up, then down, one side, then the other.  I could finally start to feel
the pleasure filling me up and while this new stretching was making
the pain worse, I knew it was only a matter of time now.  He begins
to rotate it all around before finally stopping.

I was grateful for the reprieve, giving a chance for the pain to be
blasted away by my ecstasy.  But he then points his penis upwards
and doesn't stop at the same angle as before but keeps going.   The
pain increases with every degree he raises, and then, with only the
strength of his penis, he moves it so high that he lifts me off my
knees.  The pain multiplies and I cannot help the small yelp I give in
response.

"What was that, Caleb?"  There seems to be an edge of teasing in his
voice.  I then realise he was testing me, to see if I really would tell
him if he went too far.

I cannot help but feel humour in my disbelief of what he was doing.
"Okay... that one was a bit much."

He lowers his face to my ear, I can pretty much hear his grin in his
voice.  "Good.  For a moment there I thought you were going to try
and defy me."

I try to sound light hearted through my pain.  "That would have been
stupid of me.  Of course you would never let that happen."

He gives a small chuckle. "And of course, you would never try."
Subtle sarcasm in his voice.

He grabs a pillow from behind him and places it beneath me.  I can
feel his hands on my thighs as he slowly pulls them back, lowering
my pelvis onto the pillow.  He grabs my hands and lowers himself
back on top of me, positioning one arm encircling above my head
and the other tight against my side.  His constriction made me feel
like nothing could harm me in this position. The feeling was strange
as the only thing that could harm me was exactly what I wanted.

The roaring fire seemed to match his passion as his body, moist with
sweat, began to move across the top of me.  He pushed further in,
moaning as more of his girth passed through my tight entrance.  The
pain was becoming second as my lust for more of the intense
pleasure was taking over.

"More" I breathed heavily.  He kissed me on the top of my head as
he began rotating his hips, slowly humping me with what he already
had in.  I moaned out in pleasure, pushing my ass up towards his
motion.  He responded to my eagerness as he slowly pushed more in
with every few humps.  The pain was negligible as the pleasure of
every micro-movement he made ravaged my nerves with pleasure.

He made the action seem smooth but I was only because of his
immense strength that his gargantuan penis was moving so easily
inside my tight hole.  He started to pick up speed and without any
warning his forced the rest of himself inside me.

I opened my mouth in shock. "Mikaihail..."

"Are you alright?"   The lust almost completely extinguished by his
concern.

"I... I love you." I was complete with him inside me.

"I love you to, my Caleb. More than you could imagine." The
intense affection obvious in his voice.

He moves his tool almost all the way out and back, in slow powerful
movements.  I was going crazy in ecstasy, moaning with each stroke.
I thought this would be how it would end but then he did something
unexpected.  He entered me all the way and let go of my hands. He
moved one are under my torso and the other on my thigh.  He moved
his knees in between mine and while holding me against his body he
lifted himself into a kneeling position; his back arched, me stretched
across it.

My legs were wrapped behind his, holding me up.  I moved my arm
over his shoulder and onto his back and the other around his side;
hanging on to his sweat covered body.  My head rested in the
indentation of his pectorals and as he start bouncing me on his prick
I wondered if this position would even be possible for people who
were more closely proportioned.

I quickly forgot about anything outside of that exact moment as he
more quickly and powerfully began to ram my ass.  With each thrust
I was propelled further up his body and as gravity brought me back
down on his gigantic tool he thrusted me back up, putting me in a
constant motion up and down his muscled body.

My mind was swimming in a delirium, overloaded by the pleasure
his massive pole was forcing through my nerves.  It was too much,
every muscle in my body convulsed uncontrollable as I ejaculated
across the bed and toward the fire, my shots going further as he
rammed me.

As I climax his penis is caught in the convulsions of ass muscles.  He
lets out the loudest roaring moan I've heard from him all night.  He
picks up his pace in response to the sensation, jouncing me even
faster.

As my climax subsides, I regain control of my muscles.  After more
rapid forceful thrusting he starts to loosen his hold on me and I cling
to him even tighter in response.  Slowly, he eventually lets go of me
completely and I'm holding myself against him while he pumps me
up and down on his pole.  He gives a small satisfied laugh that I can
feel in his chest.

With my hands and feet locked behind his body and my body
arching out in front of him, the fire burning at the foot of the bed, it
feels reminiscent of a sacrifice, Mikaihail being the board I was
strapped to.

He kept going further, faster and longer strokes, I was holding like
my life depended on it, not wanting to fall off and end the ecstasy,
end being with my perfect Mikaihail.  He steadily builds his pace
and I wonder if I will be able to keep holding on if he continues.

With the intense pleasure it doesn't take long to bring me back to the
brink.  I try desperately to hold off, it would be over if I lost my
muscle control now.  It's a losing battle and as my restraint is slowly
overcome, my hold loosens.  In response Mikaihail lowers himself
backwards; as I climax for a second time and my muscle control
leaves, there is just enough angle that I don't fall and instead rest on
his body, his tool being enough to hold me in place.

The overwhelming pleasure of my orgasm causes more convulsions
of my muscles.  My ass muscles convulse around every inch of his
huge monster of a penis.  His constant moaning is broken by a roar
as he primal drive takes over and he goes all out in his ramming.

With his hands behind him, holding us up, he had more leverage to
thrust into me.  He ramming is so rapid that I don't even have time to
fall back down his pole before he is thrusting me up again.  The
merciless intrusions were difficult for my body to handle; even in my
delirium, where I wouldn't even notice any pain, the pleasure my
nerves were shocking me with were almost too much to bear.  I rest
the side of my face on his pectoral, my face sliding up and down the
moist hairy muscle with each of his thrusts.

His body begins to tense as he approaches his climax.  He holds us
up without his arms as he grabs my hips.  He holds me in place as he
shortens his thrusts, only pulling out minimally before slamming
himself back in.  He thrusts so fast that I can't even hear the sound of
each time the base of his pole hits my ass, it all just sounds constant.

Each roar is cut off by the next one until his pounding becomes
impossible fast and one roar, louder than the others, silences
everything as he explodes deep inside me.  The feeling of him
continuing to thrust while his hot cream fills me up sends me over
the edge once again.  My own orgasm intensifies his and even after
I'm done his orgasm is still going.

I can feel the hot cream of his essence filling me up inside, there is
so much of it, like an overflow there is no more room for it and it
starts to seep out while he is still pounding me.  I can hear it splatter
in between my ass and his pelvis as he continues to ram my hole.  He
eventually finishes before I lose consciousness in overload of
pleasure.

With a heavy exhale he gently lowers us onto the bed.  He wraps me
up in his arms and starts gentle stroking me.  Feeling his essence
inside me after the most amazing sex we have ever had inspired a
feeling of completeness I didn't believe I was capable of
experiencing.   I was sure that these were the best hours of the trip
for him, but for me, they were the best hours of my life.

***

I lay there against his chest, my arm and leg hitched over him, just
basking in the afterglow.  I was with my perfect partner, alone and
thousands of miles away from our problems.  My life was actually
turning out to be so much better than I possibly could have imagined.
I knew I'd never be able to shake the feeling that I didn't deserve
this happiness, and certainly not him; but while I did have it, I wasn't
going to mar it by worrying about losing it.  I am just going to give
in, let my guard down, let the perfection be perfect while it lasted,
even if deep down I knew it wasn't going to be long.

I look across him, the deep red glow of the simmering embers hitting
the contours of his body.  I cuddle closer to him and let myself go,
let the emotion overthrow my logic and rationality.

He breaks the silent serenity, his voice sounding grave.  "I can't do
this anymore."

My eyes shoot open, I feel as if his strong hands are grabbing either
side of my heart, tearing it open.  I can feel the excruciating pain as
the blood can no longer flow through and builds up, stretching the
walls of the muscle.

I abruptly sit up, hunching over. The agonising pain reaches a new
level as the muscles of the organ are slowly torn apart, the blood
gushing out.  My chest becomes heavy as the blood fills my chest
cavity.  I can't breathe as the pressure of the fluid forces my lunges
to contract.  I grip my chest in agony, I try to breath but my throat
will not open.  Terror consumes me as the certainty of my own death
solidifies.

He grabs my shoulders and turns me towards him, shaking me.
"Caleb! Caleb!"

My vision starts to dull, I can feel myself slipping away.  My last
moments with him...

My eyes catch his face, there is terror so intense it looks even more
severe than my own.  The picture of his expression starts to null my
own terror as the truth of reality comes to my brain: I was wrong, he
hadn't repudiated me.  My throat opens in the slightest of allowances
and my breath comes through, shallow and inconsistent.   The weight
in my chest slowly alleviates and my heart slowly realises that it is
still in one piece.

As my breath slowly comes back to me I can see some relief on his
face.  "Caleb... I didn't mean it like that."  His voice is a little frantic
and uneasy, like he didn't know how to handle the situation.

My chest seems back to normal and my breathing becomes deeper
but remains fast.  I turn into him, resting my head on the bicep of his
arm that is wrapped around me; trying to convince myself of the fact
that nothing was wrong.  His grave eyes do not leave my face as he
shifts himself against the headboard.

Though I knew I wasn't going to die, the terror wouldn't leave me.
Maybe it was coming close to death that wouldn't let the fear go
away.  Or maybe it was the realisation that I could be killed just
simply and solely by my feelings for Mikaihail.  When I had thought
about my life ending after Mikaihail's involvement in it did, I
believed that it would be my choice to end it.  That apparently
wasn't the case.   Regardless of the reason, the feeling wasn't going
to leave.

I lay in his arm not looking at anything, but knowing that his eyes
are fixed on me.  It wasn't just guilt I saw in them, but there was
physical pain in his eyes; pain from the knowledge that he had hurt
me.

I just lie there for what seemed like close to an hour waiting for the
feeling to leave, but neither my feelings or the feelings so obvious on
his face seemed to dissipate.  I didn't know what to say even if I
could speak.

He finally breaks the silence.  "Caleb... I'm so... I can't tell you how
much..."  He takes a second to collect his thoughts before continuing.
"I should have thought about what I was saying.  I would never want
you out of my life." He voice becomes unsteady "I am so sorry."

I scrunch my eyes closed and force out a response.  "It's not your
fault..."

"The hell it isn't!"  He cuts me off, self-hatred filling his words.
"All I try to do is make you happy, but I hurt you no matter what I
do."

He was wrong.  It wasn't because of a misinterpretation that he hurt
me; it was because of how I felt about him.  More precisely, how
much my life had become dependent upon him.  Something which
should have resulted as a simple misunderstanding was exacerbated
to the point of a near death experience by the all consuming way I
felt about him.  I didn't know how to say it properly, it was such a
unique feeling and circumstance, I couldn't find a way to explain it
to him.

I continue to look at nothing, the memory of the pain still bearing
down upon me, I speak with all the voice I can force out.
"Mikaihail... do you know what a prairie vole is?"

He doesn't answer at first, confused by what I was trying to say.
Through the uncertainty he answers honestly.  "It sounds like a
rodent."

My reaction to is to laugh at his accurate intuition, but all it
eventuates as is a sigh.  "It is... it's a type of field mouse."

I continue to try and put my explanation in the right words.  "But it's
special... when a prairie vole finds its partner, it forms a lifelong
pair-bond... even if its partner dies, it won't try and find another... it
stays alone until it too eventually dies."

I wasn't sure if my explanation made any sense to him, but I didn't
know how else to explain it.

After he realises I'm not going to continue, he tries to clarify what
my explanation was supposed to mean.  "You want to be
monogamous? ...that was always a given.  I never think about
anyone else that way anymore."

A shake my head slowly, still in my stupor.  "That's not it... what
I'm trying to say is... when a prairie vole meets its partner... it is
changed irreversibly..." I turn my head to look into his pained eyes
"that's how I feel about you... you've changed me... I love you and
I'll only ever love you......... if I ever lost you..."  My voice breaks.

He grabs my legs and hitches them over his as he pulls me closer to
him.  "You'll never have to go through that."  He squeezes me in
assurance.  "Why do you think I'd ever leave you?"  He asks as if he
somehow found the idea particularly puzzling.

I try to let his natural effect on me overcome the terror I am feeling
so I can speak normally.  "It's not so much why you would leave...
but more why you're even with me in the first place."

The puzzled tone turns to pure bewilderment.  "Why is that so
difficult to understand?"

"Are you joking?" my incredulity somehow breaking through
"You're the most confident, strong," my pace increases with each
successive item on my spontaneous list, "accomplished, sweet,
protective, loving, virile, dependable, chivalrous, amiable,
indefatigable, imperturbable, infuriatingly perfect person I've ever
met." My air runs out and I have to breathe.  "And my god!  Have
you looked in a mirror!?"  The inevitable conclusion from this, "I'm
nothing compared to you..."

Grave intensity dominates his eyes as he replies with anger in his
voice.  "You listen to me Caleb, because this is the only time I ever
want to have to say this to you."  The anger gradually leaves with
heartfelt sincerity taking its place.  "No matter how much you may
think of me, you will never be less than me.  Caleb, you are by far
the most amazing person I have ever met, and I've lived a lot longer
than you have."  He lets out a huff, seemingly thinking the
enunciation was unnecessary.  "Over the years I've watched you
grow up, I've seen you turn into a unique and fascinatingly
precocious young adult.  You don't care what other people think of
you, you're self-assurance is something few people would ever be
able to achieve.  You are so smart, but you're intelligence is so much
more than school; sometimes when you're just thinking, it's almost
like I can see the lightning speed of your mind.  You are more
mature than most adults and yet, in other ways, you are somehow
still just a child.  You have a humour and wit which is all your own,
every word which comes out of your mouth is something worth
remembering.  On the outside you seem so distance and isolated but
when you look at me I can see a caring person with depthless love
reserved for those few who are lucky enough to be close to you.
And those eyes!  Eyes which see straight through people, that miss
nothing.  You're so constantly alert when you're awake that when
you sleep you look so vulnerable and peaceful; all I want to do is
protect you."

He laughs to himself.  "As for the attractive comment..." he strokes
my face and smiles titillatingly "You're facial features are so soft
and in a perfect artistic alignment.  I could kiss your lips everyday
and never want to stop." He moves his hand to my down my rib and
to my thigh, electricity following his fingertips, "Your perfect
portioned body is covered in your impossibly velvety smooth skin."
His hand returns to cradling me.  "And I think you know how much I
love the... other parts of you." He shakes his head in amusement.
The absence of the pain was a relief.  "The effect you have on me is
so extreme it's dangerous." He caresses me as he speaks.  "But...
even if I stayed here listing the hundreds of reason why I love you, it
wouldn't even come close to accounting for the way I feel about
you."

His tone becomes much more serious.  "You are such a special and
unique person.  All I should been have to you is a dependable family
friend. I had no right to take you, but I did, regardless of what was
right.  If either one of us isn't deserving of this, it's me... don't ever
forget that."

His words strike me deep.  I've never felt so loved in my entire life.
It was a strange warm feeling of completeness that felt so foreign to
me.  It was almost comical the way he regarded me.

I scoff in disagreement, my elation plain in my tone.  "You know
delusions are a symptom of schizophrenia."

He smiles a heartwarming smile.  "Well I'd better send you to a
shrink when we get back."

I nestle into him further, breaking our eye contact.  I hold him
tightly, assuring myself that he was still with me.  I wait a few
minutes while I build up the courage to ask him.  "...What did you
mean?"

He takes in an uneasy breath.  "Now might not be the best time,
Caleb."

I speak helplessly. "I know, but it's going to eat at me until you do
tell me."

He holds me tighter as if it were a defense mechanism for the
possible pain.  "This time here has without a doubt been the best in
my life.  Not having to be secretive and being able to be with you as
if it were just a natural, easy thing."  He exhales heavily.  "I thought
that just having you in my life would be enough for me, but it's not.
Knowing what it's like to have you like this... to be with you all the
time, everyday.  To know that I'll hold you as you go to sleep, that in
the morning you'll still be within my arms... and when I leave you,
you'll be waiting for me when I get home."  He speaks with a
strange kind of reverence.

His tone changes, he sounds grave and solemn, as if there what he
was saying was an immutable fact of the world.  "Caleb... I can't get
back on that plane knowing things will just return to the way they
were... things have to change... I can't do this anymore."


TO BE CONTINUED