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The Angel of Pie Jesu.
By John T. S. Teller.
Book one – Star in the Hood.
When I enter the room, Gareth is standing by the panoramic window, looking out over the city, taking a drink from a tumbler when he half turns towards me after I quietly say, "Hi." He shakes his head very slowly, unsure that what he's seeing is the real me, which pleases me, because it's what I intended. But it's not just Gareth who is surprised: so am I, and I feel a nervous shudder run through me when I see the man I love. I'd expected him to be naked in bed, waiting for me. But this is much better. He's dressed in his silver suit; his shoes highly polished; the same cufflinks; the same silver watch on his wrist; his shirt partly open to reveal a hint of his chest hair. This is the exact same Gareth I first set eyes on; the man I fell in love with immediately; and he's recreated himself for this very special moment in our lives, even to the soft music playing in the background: my own version of Pie Jesu. The moment is so beautiful that I begin to cry, and my sobs come from deep within; from my soul that loves this man.
I'm completely and utterly taken aback when Aleric comes into the room. I was worried that he might be naked, but now I'm ashamed I even gave that a thought. My beautiful, wonderful, fantastic boy is wearing a pure white cassock and neck-ruff, his hair is immaculately brushed, and the only parts of his skin I can see are his beautiful face and two lovely, naked feet below the cassock. My Angel of Pie Jesu. I smile at him, and open my arms.
When I go to Gareth, for a long moment we stare into each other's eyes, and then we come together in an almighty hug. I lift my head to look at him again, he stares at me, his head tilts, our lips open naturally, and, fiercely, we crush our faces together in a kiss of unimaginable passion.
It takes a long time before I break our embrace, and when I do, I push Aleric away from me and stare into his eyes. His own, beautiful eyes stare out from his tear stained face into mine, and I half smile, and say, "Thank you."
He half smiles at me, and says, "No! Thank You! This is the nicest surprise you could have given me."
I take Aleric's hands, lift them, and look at the whole of him. "You look like an angel... my Angel of Pie Jesu."
Aleric nods and smiles. "That's what I was supposed to be. I thought you might like me like this."
I grin at him. "This is the Aleric I really love. My special boy, but I'm a little bit wiser now."
Aleric's face is serious when he says, "Good. So am I." Then his face breaks into a wide grin, and he says, "So can we skip the first few bits and carry on from when you put your hand on my bum in the corridor?"
I nod. "I think we'd better. You're doing things to me now that didn't happen before."
Another grin from Aleric when he says, "You naughty man!"
I pull us onto the sofa, lean back against the arm, draw Aleric closer, put my arm around him, and we cuddle, kissing and giggling and feeling at each other's clothes and bodies. Then I ask, "Have you got anything on underneath that cassock?"
Aleric gives me one of his naughty grins. "No. Have a feel."
Sure enough, when I feel, he's got a hard on, and his boy cock is like a nail. I look into his eyes, and grin. "You're not supposed to have one of those when you're wearing religious garments."
He reaches down and feels at my own hard cock. "And you're not supposed to be thinking naughty thoughts about an innocent little boy when he's wearing them."
I laugh. "I'll bet I'm not the only one who does it."
Aleric squeezes my cock. "You're not. We get all sorts of weird mail and stuff from men who fancy us. Herr Biermaier has sacks of the stuff, but he won't let us see it. It turns lots of men on to see us like this."
"Do you enjoy that, knowing you're a sexy sod?"
Aleric shakes his head. "I used to think it was just fun."
"Used to think?"
"Uhuh. Until I met you."
Aleric snuggles his head under my chin, wraps an arm around my chest, and mumbles, "Now I understand. Some of them will be horrible people who want to use me, but some are lonely people and want to do just do what we're doing now. They want me to love them."
Aleric's words touch me inside, and I give him a hug before I ask, "And where do I come in the list of men that want you?"
Aleric looks up at me again, strokes the bristles on my chin, and then stares into my eyes. "You want me to love you."
I kiss his nose. "You're right. It's what I wanted the very first time I looked at you."
"Tell me about it. I want to know what you felt when you first saw me, and then I'll tell you what I felt."
I adjust our positions on the sofa to make us more comfortable, and then I wrap Aleric in my arms, and say, "I wasn't really bothered about going to see you. My Personal Secretary's husband was ill, so she gave me two tickets they'd booked. I rang Kurt and asked him if he wanted to go. If he'd said `no', then I wouldn't have gone. He said `yes'. So we went. I sat down. The curtain went up, and all I saw was a group of boys who were going to sing to us. Even then I wasn't too bothered. I was thinking about a contract that was developing in South Korea."
Aleric interrupts. "So you didn't see me right away?"
"When did you see me?"
I give him a light punch under the chin. "Do you want to hear what happened or not?"
Aleric giggles. "Sorry. Carry on, Herr Moneybags."
I giggle. "When the choir sang the first song, I was looking at all the boys."
I laugh at his remark, and decide to tease him. "There was a nice boy just behind you. He was a bit taller than you, with very dark hair, and lovely lips."
"Humph! That was Heinz. He's ugly compared to me!"
"Heinz was nice! When he turned, he had a lovely bum. I wanted to kiss it."
Now, Aleric is shaking with laughter. "Pedo! He stinks! Get to the good part."
"The good part?"
"Yes, the part when you saw the most beautiful boy in the choir."
"OK. He was the tall boy at the back with..."
I don't get any further, because Aleric reaches down, grabs my balls, and squeezes. "Don't mess me about!"
I'm still laughing, and so is Aleric, but I decide not to tease him any more. "There was this strange looking boy at the front."
"Strange? Strange in what way?"
I look down and kiss Aleric's nose. "Strange as in strangely beautiful. He had lovely brown hair, a face like an angel, and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."
Aleric snuggles into me. "That's better. Carry on Herr Moneybags."
"Once I'd see this boy, I couldn't stop looking at him, but I had to look away sometimes, because I didn't want the beautiful boy thinking I was perving him. (Aleric giggles, but says nothing.) I think I'd already fallen in love with him, but then he sang Pie Jesu, and it knocked me head over heels. I was actually hurting inside. He was making me cry. I didn't know where to put my face." Tears are slipping from my eyes now, and Aleric looks up and kisses me, and I can see that he's crying, too. Then he hugs me tight again, and waits for me to continue. "I wasn't sure if he could see me crying, but Kurt did, and he hugged my arm so hard it was cutting off my blood supply. He knew what was happening."
"I love Kurt. He's a lovely man. I thought he was your boyfriend."
"You finished the song; you looked at me, and sort of told me with your eyes that you weren't angry at me. During the interval, we went outside for Kurt to have a smoke, and he said that I'd found my true love – my Angel of Pie Jesu. I told him not to be silly, and that you probably thought I was a pervert. Then we went back in, and when you looked at me again, I could tell that you were very much aware of me, but I still didn't know what you were thinking about me. Not until you sang Time, that is. That made me cry again, but I wasn't ashamed of crying this time."
"Because I thought the beautiful boy understood why I was crying, and he seemed sympathetic towards me, so I didn't give a shit about anybody else then. All that concerned me is what my beautiful boy thought of me. And then the most horrible moment; the concert ended and the curtain came down, and when the final curtain came down, all I saw was the shiny black shoes of the boy I'd fallen deeply in love with. We went out; Kurt bought some of your CD's, and gave some to me. I hardly spoke a word to Kurt when I took him home, and then I just drove off into the night, playing your Pie Jesu over and over again. I ended up on a car park somewhere, breaking my heart, and I woke up in the morning at home with a terrible hangover."
Now, tears are coming from both our eyes. Telling Aleric all this has brought it all back to me; the awful feeling I had after we left the theatre, and it's hurting. I can't help what I do next. I crush Aleric to me, and kiss him and stroke him and rub my nose in the softness of his hair, and I tell him over and over again how much I love him.
Aleric breaks from my hug, and comes higher so he's over me and looking down into my eyes, and his tears fall onto my face. He kisses me repeatedly, on my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, my lips, and then he really begins to cry, from the heart, and he's wailing and sobbing and shaking. It worries me, and I try to pull myself together for his sake. Eventually, I manage it, and I wrap my beautiful boy in my arms and console him until he's recovered enough to tell me that he's sorry for hurting me. The words come to my tongue without thinking, "Love does hurt."
He nods. "I know. When we got back to the hotel, because I thought I'd never see you again, I was sick in the sink." Then he gathers himself, and says, "Make us a drink."
When Gareth has gone to the kitchen, I sit with my head in my hands thinking about what's just happened. I know how bad I felt that night, but I had no idea how bad it had been for Gareth. He'd been hurt worse than me. It must have been horrible for him. I need to go to him.
He's by the worktop, making my drink, and he doesn't hear me when I go up behind him, wrap my arms around his waist, and hug him tightly. He turns, and I can see he's still crying. He hugs me, and looks down into my face, and then shrugs his shoulders. "I just love you so much."
I stroke his face. "I know. I'm going to bed now. Will you come to me?"
He half smiles, and nods, and I leave him and go into the bedroom, where I adjust the pillows, and then the lights so the room is in semi-darkness, and strip naked. There's a tray on a table with a bottle of whisky and a glass on it, so I pour a large one and place it on a bedside cupboard, and then get in bed and sit up in the side I intended was mine. And then I wait for him to come to the boy who belongs only to him.
He seems to have recovered when he gives me the mug of hot chocolate, and smiles at me. I take it from him, and smile back at him. He grins when he sees I've poured him a large tumbler of whisky, and he asks, "For me?"
I grin. "Well it's not for me."
"But I thought you didn't like me drinking?"
I pull a silly face at him. "I want you to have a drink."
"Are you trying to seduce me?"
I giggle. "I don't need whisky to make you do that. All I need to do is waggle my bum and you come running." Gareth doesn't answer; he just grins. Then I point to his clothes. "Take them off. All of them! And then get in bed with me."
I don't take my eyes off him for one second as he strips, but when he gets down to his underpants, he looks at me and grins. I waggle my finger to tell him they've got to come off, and he pushes them down his legs and slips them off his feet.
My Beautiful Man really is beautiful when he's naked. His body is strong and athletic, and he's a lovely shape: broad shoulders; strong arms and legs; a slim waist; dark chest hair that forms a `V' shape almost to his navel, and then peters out, but his pubic hair begins just below his navel in an upside down `V' until it ends in a bush around his pinkler and balls. I'm surprised that his pinkler is semi-soft, but I'm also pleased that it is, because it tells me that he's not really thinking sexual thoughts at the moment. Neither am I. But I plan that we will later... when I reward him. But we've got a lot more talking to do tonight before we get to that. I've only seen half of him, and I say, "Do a twirl for me."
I grin, and nod. "I want to see your bum."
Gareth laughs quietly, and does a circle, lifting his arms as he does. Then he asks, "Is that OK?"
I nod, lift the duvet, and wag my finger to tell him to get in, and he slips in bed beside me. I grin at him. "That's better. You're cute with nothing on, and you've got a lovely bum."
Gareth chuckles. "Cute!"
"Drink your whisky, Herr Moneybags, and then tell me the rest of this fabulous story about how you fell in love with me."
"I've forgotten where I was."
I take a big drink of my hot chocolate, put the mug on the bedside cupboard, turn over, put my head on Gareth's shoulder so it's tucked under his chin, wrap a leg over him so my inner thigh is on his semi-hard pinkler, and mine – now very hard - is pressed against his hip. I tickle his chest hairs, and say, "You had a hangover. Nothing new there with you. Now drink your whisky and tell me the rest while I rub your pinkler with my leg. It's too soft for my liking."
Gareth chuckles. "Oh yes... I had a hangover. Well, it was like this..."
I rub Gareth's pinkler with my knee, and I feel it going stiff, and I'm thinking that my plans are slightly askew, and there's something we need to get out of the way before he says much more.
Despite my cock going hard as he manipulates it with his knee and inner thigh, and despite Aleric's being hard as it pushes against my hip, I continue with the story. "Kurt woke me up. I didn't know what time it was, but it was late afternoon. I'd already phoned the office and told them I wouldn't be in. I'd got a flight booked to Verona early the next morning."
Aleric interrupts me. "Your pinkler is hard."
I chuckle. "So is yours."
"I know. I can't concentrate." Then he lifts his head, and says in a pleading voice, "Would you do me a favour and give me some temporary relief?"
I put the whisky on the bedside cupboard, turn over towards him, bite his neck, and he starts to laugh. I pull away, and put my finger to my lips, "Shhhh. You'll wake Gottwin!"
Aleric nods. "Good thinking Herr Moneybags." Then he takes my hand and places it on his cock. "Just do it quietly."
We're both giggling as I begin to wank him, but after a very short while, Aleric is grunting rather than giggling, and with his legs crossed and him pushing his hips off the bed, he climaxes in less than two minutes, sinking his teeth into my neck when he does. When it's over, he reaches down, squeezes some seminal fluid out of the slit, and offers it to me with a grin on his face. I take his fingers in my mouth and suck it from them, and then he pushes his semi-soft cock between his legs, snuggles into me again, and says, "That's better. Carry on."
I can hardly talk for giggling, but I do manage to continue. "I think we'd better get to the nitty gritty. Kurt had been to see you and sorted things so we could see each other again, and that made me happy."
"It made me happy, too. I love Kurt. He's my best friend. He loves you. Do you know that?"
"Of course I do! I love Kurt, but not in the way I love you."
"You don't want sex with him then?"
"No. I'm not gay that way."
"I know that. You love boys."
"Boy! Boy! Singular! Not boyssssss!"
Aleric giggles. "It's the same thing."
My left arm is under Aleric, and my hand is cuddling his soft buttocks, and I pinch one when he says that. "No it's not! I've had loads of opportunities to have sex with boys before I met you, but it never crossed my mind to do it."
Aleric turns his head up to look at me again, and he's got a puzzled look on his face. "Where?"
"In India. The Far East. The Philipines. Boys sell themselves there."
"Were they good looking boys? How old were they?"
"I didn't think they were good looking, because they didn't interest me. Some were only about eight years old. It's horrible. They sell themselves because they're so poor."
Aleric nods. "Ahhhh. I understand. You didn't want them because you thought you'd be taking advantage of them."
"No! It isn't like that! I didn't love them!"
Aleric still looks puzzled, and asks, "Haven't you ever loved a boy before you met me?"
I put a finger under Aleric's chin, and lean down and kiss his soft lips. "No, and I've never wanted to do what we're doing now with one either."
Aleric smirks. "I'm really that special?"
I grin at him. "You're really that special. If I'd never met you, I don't think I would have ever bothered with a boy."
Aleric pushes my nose flat against my face. "I'm pretty good at seducing men. I'll have to try it with somebody else to see if I can do it again."
We both start to laugh, and end up cuddling and giggling. And then I say, "Your turn now, you sexy sod."
"Don't you want me to do you before I begin?"
I grin, and shake my head. "No. Just get on with it before I smack your bum."
Aleric tucks himself under my chin again, and says, "Put your finger in my bum and tickle me while I'm telling you."
I can't help but giggle at my amusing boy, and I dig a finger in his crevice until I can find the hole, and then work it in him up the first knuckle. "Is that far enough in?"
"Yes. Just waggle it about while I play with your pinkler."
And he does, stroking it to its full height. I take a good nibble at my whisky, and relax while he plays with me, and then he says, "I saw you in the audience. I think it was your clothes that first made me look at you. The reflection from the stage lights were making your suit shine, and I thought it was the best suit I'd ever seen, and I was wishing I had one like it. Then I saw how good looking you were. Then I saw how beautiful your eyes were. Then I saw how Kurt was hugging your arm, and it made me sort of jealous, because I felt that I wanted to be the one hugging your arm." Aleric works my cock, three times, up and down, making my foreskin go right off my knob and back over at again, and he says, "Are you sure you don't want me to give you some relief? It will fit in my bum."
I waggle my finger furiously up his hole. "No! Get on with it!"
I hear him giggle, and then he says, "Then I saw you crying."
I ask, "Did you think I was silly?"
"No. I thought it was lovely, and I felt that I wanted to go to you and hug you and make you better. I nearly started crying myself."
"Well, I didn't know it then, but I've realised since, that was the moment I fell in love with you. After that, I wanted to look at you and I wanted you to look at me, and everything I did after that was just for you. Then when the final curtain came down, I felt really sick, because I thought I'd never see you again."
"But you did."
"Yes. I think it was the most exciting moment of my life when I saw you in the front row after Kurt had done his stuff, and I was nervous all through the performance thinking about meeting you afterwards." Aleric giggles again. "Do you know what happened when we first shook hands?"
"No. What happened?"
"My pinkler went hard."
"Yes. That was the first time I realised I'd got some gay feelings towards you. When was the first time you knew you had gay feelings about me?"
I pull Aleric closer to me. "When you lifted your hoody up to stuff the scarf and phone down your underpants."
Aleric giggles. "I didn't stuff them down my underpants."
"I know, but I saw your body for the first time when you lifted it up, and I had funny feelings."
Aleric wanks me a few times. "This sort of funny feelings?"
"Yes, but not quite as strong as what you're doing now. You'd better stop that, or you'll make a mess."
Once again he lifts his head and stares into my eyes. "I want to make a mess. Will you let me do it?"
I kiss his lips softly. "Later."
"Is that a promise?"
I nod. "Yes, if you really want to."
"Of course I do! Can I do it how I want to do it?"
"I suppose." Aleric inserts his tongue into my mouth, and waggles it about. I suck the saliva from it, and then push it out. "Get on with it."
Head under my chin again. "After we'd had a talk in the car and stuff, when we went back to the hotel, I had a shower, and then we talked on the phone."
Thoughts of that night are running through my mind, and I'm also thinking about Herr Biermaier telling him he would be going to Kurt's shop in the morning, and something suddenly clicks. I can hardly speak when I croak, "Herr Biermaier came to your bedroom that night, didn't he?"
Aleric doesn't answer me, and because I feel him tense in my arms, and he holds his breath, that's the exact moment when I'm almost certain that I know. Now I understand who bought the ten pairs of underpants that were the last item on the till roll that Kurt gave me when I paid after the boys had left, and which I'm beginning to realise was Kurt's way of warning me what was going on; now I understand why Aleric was so unhappy when he phoned me when I was on my way back to Berlin and he said he hadn't enjoyed choir practice; now I understand why Aleric is so au fait with most things sexual: and the most horrible thing I understand is why is his anus is so large and pliable: Biermaier has been fucking him. The only thing I don't know is whether Biermaier was molesting him, or whether Aleric was compliant, even the instigator of what was going on. Whatever, I feel utterly sick inside, and so ill that I can hardly breathe.
Aleric starts to cry. He takes his hand off my cock, wraps his arm around my chest, and hugs me tight. I remove my finger from his bum and hug him close, and then I ask, "Do you want to tell me about it?"
Aleric buries his head in my chest, and sobs, "No! No! No! No! I hate him! I hate him! I hate the vile swine for what he's made me do, and I'm never going back to his choir again!"
Now I'm absolutely certaint that Biermaier has molested him, and I'm filled with grief for my beautiful boy, and I begin to cry, too, and I crush him to me and sob into the back of his neck, and kiss him over and over again. "Shhhhh. Shhhhhh," I keep repeating as we sob our hearts out.
Aleric's fingers are digging deep into me as he keeps repeating, "I'm sorry!" But the worst is when he screams, "I want to die. I want to crawl into the foulest sewer and drown in the filthiest shit ever. I want to go to Hell and burn forever in the Fires of Damnation. I'm a filthy, horrible piece of shit!"
Aleric is struggling to get away from me as he yells this horrible stuff, and within a few seconds, Gottwin comes running into the room, flings himself on Aleric, and hugs him. Then he stares at me with hatred in his eyes, and yells, "You vile bastard! What have you done to my brother!?"
I think it's what Gottin yells that brings Aleric out of his madness, because he suddenly turns on Gottwin, and screams, "No! It's not Gareth! It's not Gareth!"
Gottwin is puzzled now, and he doesn't know what to do. I'm still crying as I look at Gottwin, and shake my head, and I manage to say, "Biermaier."
Now Gottwin understands, and he starts to cry, and then he hugs his brother to him, and they both lie on the bed, sobbing and clinging to each other. I decide not to interfere, and I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and sit with my head in my hands. I'm very much aware that I'm naked, so I get up, take a dressing gown from the wardrobe, and put it on. It's then that I realise how lucky I am that Gottwin is with us, because I'm sure, except him, there's nobody else in the world who can help Aleric at the moment. They're still wrapped together on the bed, so I go to them, caress both of them for a long time, and then I say, "Aleric, I love you, and I don't blame you for anything. I'll leave you with Gottwin, but if you want to come to me, I'll be in the lounge. I'm sorry for hurting you. You know I'd never do that intentionally. I love you more than anything in the world."
It takes a long time for Aleric to quieten down, and when he has, I lift his head and kiss him on the lips; the most brotherly, tender kiss I can give him, and I ask, "What happened?"
Aleric sobs; deep sobs from within him. "He's found out?"
Aleric shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. He knew."
I'm puzzled. "I don't understand. If he knew, then why didn't he say something before?"
Another deep sob. "I don't know."
"But he doesn't blame you. He said so. He said he still loves you. I can't work this out. Something's wrong somewhere. We need to find out. Shall we go and see what it's all about?"
Aleric shakes his head. "I can't face him ever again. He must hate me."
I shake my head. "No he doesn't. He loves you. We've got to go to him. I think he's hurting as much as you."
Again Aleric bursts into tears and clings to me. Then when he's calmed down again, he says, "He hates me."
I decide that we have to sort this out, so I get off the bed, pull Aleric to his feet, and take him to our bedroom. He's like a small child as I dress him in his pyjamas and then lead him by the hand to the lounge.
I'm desperate for a drink, but I know this is absolutely the wrong time to have one, so I take the controller from the glass table, send the blinds up, and stare out into the night. Earlier, I'd been standing in the very same place, hugging Aleric and telling him how much I loved the city, but now as I stare at the Quadriga basked in light on the top of the Brandenburg Gate, I hate it. But what will happen now? One thing for sure, Aleric and I will never be the same. If it's not all over that is. My mind is in panic as I try to work out what will happen. Even if Aleric still wants me, I'll always feel guilty now, and we'll never be able to be together as we were tonight. I want to deny it, but I can't. Tonight is part of what we are. I'm little different than Biermaier. I'm a fucking pervert no matter which way you look at it. Seduced. It's a word Aleric uses frequently. Now I know why. He says he's seduced me. It didn't take much to do that. I wanted to be seduced. I was the one who planned everything so I could be seduced. I used my money and position to gain access to him. He's thirteen for Christ's sake! He can't be held responsible for what's happened. No... that's down to me. I'm the fucking pervert here, not Aleric, and I hate myself for it. What was it Aleric said?
`I want to die. I want to crawl into the foulest sewer and drown in the filthiest shit ever. I want to go to Hell and burn forever in the Fires of Damnation. I'm a filthy, horrible piece of shit!'
No, my precious, beautiful boy, you're not. I am, and I'm the one who deserves to drown in filthy shit and burn forever in the Fires of Damnation. Gareth Rhys Jones should never have been born!
I'm wringing my hands and in tears when the boys come into the room. Gottwin, holding Aleric's hand, leads him to the sofa, and when they sit down, Aleric folds into his brother immediately, and I don't know what to do. All I can do, through eyes that are filled with tears, is say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Gottwin turns towards me, and beckons with his head for me to go to the sofa. I shake my head to tell him I can't. His eyes are fierce, and he nods furiously, trying to direct me to sit in the place next to him, but not next to Aleric. I shudder with grief, and go to the sofa, and sit at the end, away from the two boys, and put my head in my hands.
Gottwin's voice seems to be far away when he says, "This needs to be sorted."
Aleric's voice seems to be even further away when he says, "I need to speak to Kurt."
I look at the digital clock: 1.34 am. Then I watch Aleric get up, take his phone from the glass table, and dial a number out of his address book.
"Hello Kurt. I need to speak to you. (Silence.) No. (Silence.) Now. I need to see you now. (Silence.) He knows. (Silence.) I don't know. (Silence.) OK."
Aleric turns to me, and looks me straight in the eyes. "He's coming over now."
To be continued...
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