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The Angel of Pie Jesu.
By John T. S. Teller.
Book one – Star in the Hood.
I wake at six, thoughts of last night come flooding back to me. I've not had a phone call since, so I'm assuming Gareth and Aleric have worked things out. It's strange how it happened. Gareth knew nothing, but Aleric's silence told him everything. I knew he'd work it out sooner than later. It almost ended in disaster. It might have done had Aleric not contacted me and had we not built up our special relationship. I've become his mentor, and I know every minor detail of what Biermaier has done to him... the worst part being that massive dildo he forced into the poor boy. The bastard! That was cruel and uncalled for. It was a vile act. Thankfully, and I'm going on what Aleric has told me, he's not been permanently injured by it.
Gottwin soon settled down once I'd assured him everything would be alright. Thank God he's a level headed boy. By the time I got him home and explained a few things, he was in quite a good mood, especially when he asked what would happen and I told him, with a wink and a hug, to mind his own business. He took it to mean exactly what I meant, that Gareth and Aleric needed space to make up. He told me that he knew about them, and I was pleased he and Aleric can share their innermost secrets. He's in bed with Hansie now. Fast asleep... I hope... or maybe not? Hansie could do worse than Gottwin. He's a super looking boy, and just the right age for Hansie to practice on. Thank goodness we didn't wake Hansie up last night. He slept through it all.
The first coffee of the day is always my special treat, and I always insist on getting up early to drink it alone. Heindrich understands that it's my waking up time: my thinking time. I look around the kitchen/diner and see Hansie's bomber jacket that he left over the back of one of the dining chairs, and I get up, take it back to my seat, bring it to my nose, and smell at the fur collar. There's a faint aroma of Hansie's shampoo on it, and I begin to cry. Not in sadness, but of joy.
Although I was born a man, I should have been born a woman. I hate that thing between my legs: that horrible thing! It should have been a cunt! But it's not all about sex. The feelings inside me that nobody can really understand, are all woman. Ever since I was a small boy, I wanted to be a girl, and then a woman. I wanted children. A family like normal women have. My fantasies now are being married to Gareth and having his babies. We would have had three boys and a girl and lived happily ever after.
I remember when it first began; those feelings. I was about six years old. My parents gave me toy guns and other boyish gifts, but I wanted dolls and pretty dresses. I was also about that age when the first twinges of sexuality entered my psyche. Of course, I knew nothing about the act, but I discovered the feelings. Pastor Guntburg did, too. He understood me better than my parents. Far better than my parents. My parents were always busy. Pastor Guntburg was never busy, except when he had his hands in my pants giving me the feelings. And until I was nine, he taught me the painful facts of life. Painful, because his penis was buried in my arse most of the time while I played with my dollies and applied makeup while I was wearing the dresses he bought for me. But it was only painful for a short while. Pastor Guntburg was a gentle lover. He took things slowly, and it wasn't long before I forgot about the dolls and thought more about the lovely feelings he gave me when he dressed me as a girl and put lipstick on me and fucked me. And then he died of lung cancer. I was mortified. My world of escapism vanished almost overnight, and I was to spend two years of sexual desperation until I met Waldemar.
Ahhhh... Waldemar; my savior. He was sixteen and I was eleven. As crushes go, he was the greatest. And, unlike so many others, it was consummated. I worshipped the ground he walked on almost as much as I worshipped his penis, and the wonderful stuff that came out of it, which was devoured as eagerly as the tastiest ice creams, and it was always a toss up whether I preferred it in my mouth or up my, by now, cavernous bum that he stretched regularly with a penis that was far too big for his age. But I never complained. Three years, and then he dumped me for another eleven year old. But I was fourteen then, and I knew the underground gay scene as well as I knew my school-work, which was exemplary.
The gay scene. I was young and desirable. Partners were queuing up to service me. But I never really fell in love until I met Gareth.
Gareth... my beautiful Gareth. We were part there. I just knew when I first saw him that he was different. I recognised the gayness in him, even though he wasn't aware of it himself. And I was jealous. At some point, I fully expected him to come walking in one day with a man on his arm, which would have shattered me completely. But I must admit that I never realised his strong suit would be young boys. That was a shock! But strangely, I'm pleased. Boys are not rivals, and Gareth is still mine. He loves me. I know he does, and that's a wonderful feeling, although I know it isn't sexual. He's my truest friend, and I know he'd destroy anyone if they were to harm me. I can rely on him completely. I'm blessed to have him, and my Heindrich.
Heindrich. My sweet, loving, kind, gentle Heindrich. He loves me so much. I'm lucky to have him, too. And maybe my luck is getting better! Now, with more luck, we'll have Hansie. My beautiful Hansie... the child I've always wanted. And he's just like his new mother-to-be: sexually, he's exactly like me. Not only will we have a son, we'll have a daughter too. Already, the clothes he's chosen and asked me to get for him are feminine. He has a wardrobe full of them. But there's a surprise in one of his drawers: as well as boys' underpants, there's a dozen pairs of lace panties. And when he's more comfortable with us, we'll grow his hair longer - which will hide his ears - and take him out and get him some dresses. He can become the pretty girl he wants to be with us. And he does want to be a girl. The hours he and I have spent on the phone have yielded all his desires.
My little Hansie. Oh my God... I do love him. I fell in love with him that first night at the Schiller. While Gareth was crying his eyes out for Aleric, I was crying inside for Hansie.
Aleric. Gareth's boy. He makes me laugh. Not only is he gorgeous to look at, he's clever and resourceful. He's a super young man, and so is his brother. Two beautiful, super young men. We're going to the Tiergarten later. That will be lovely. We'll talk about Gareth's plans he has for the boys. They'll love that, I'm sure. He's a genius: my Gareth. But he's met his match with Aleric. He's a clever boy. He was grumpy during the meal last night. I know why. All he could think about was having sex with Gareth. I could see it in his eyes and the way he touched Gareth. I know all the signs. Angel of Pie Jesu indeed! More like Siren of Pie Jesu! Gareth was fooled by the cassock and the ruffle around his pretty neck. I wasn't. I could see what lay below the attire... a boy just reaching puberty, with the accompanying raging hormones... a lethal dose of over-sexed temptation that no lover of boys could resist. If he was a virgin child, then things might be a problem between them, but he's not. Biermaier, much like Pastor Guntberg, will know every trick in the book that makes little boys tick sexually. And little boys learn fast. Faster than Gareth. I'll bet my arse to a tramp that when we meet later today, I fully expect to see a reserved Gareth and an over confident Aleric. That will be fun.
Today. Although it's cold, its not raining, which is good. No work for me and Heindrich. Today is the first full day we'll share with our beautiful baby. Fun and ice creams and burgers and Coke. Laughing childrens' voices; grumps when they can't have everything all at once; delight when they get their own way. Today will be fun, and I'll be a mother for the very first time in my life.
The unfamiliar room is lit by a small night-light in the Santa Claus ornament. Home. That's what Kurt said I was in when he tucked me into bed and gave me a kiss.
Kurt. He's so lovely. He understands me like nobody else has ever done. The thing I remember best when we were talking on the phone was when he said that I'd have plenty of boyfriends here. I asked him if he meant friends, and he just chuckled, and said that he meant boyfriends. That was the real moment when I knew he understood me. After he said that, it all came out. Everything. Except Herr Biermaier that is. I didn't tell him about Herr Biermaier. I'm going to miss Herr Biermaier. I love what he does to me. Well, mostly. Until recently, I never liked his big thing up me. Well, I liked it, but it hurt too much at first. I liked his tongue best. Yes, that was best, when it was right up inside me, tickling that thing that makes me thrill. That night after the concert, just before the holidays, I slept with him. I didn't tell Aleric, because Herr Biermaier asked me not to. We had a great time, until we went to bed that is, and he bounced me up and down on his big pinkler. That hurt. Really, really hurt. Then he took those tablets and made me take a white one, which sent me to sleep, and when I woke in the morning I was covered in blood. My legs and the bed were covered in blood. That's when I was really frightened, but he cleaned me up and gave me some more tablets. Antibiotics he said they were, and I was to take three a day and I wasn't to tell anybody. Then he gave me a tin of Vaseline and told me that I was to poke my finger as far inside me as I could when it was covered in the stuff, and I was to work it around and it would help me poo without hurting. Right up until yesterday it was painful to take a poo, but yesterday all the pain had gone. Maybe that's because, once the really bad pain had gone, I used a long, thin candle covered in Vaseline, and pushed that in as far as it would go. Thank goodness it did work, because I was thinking I would have to tell Kurt to take me to the doctors. Herr Biermaier said I must take all the tablets and not stop taking them. I've got six left. I'll take one now before I forget. I need to look after my boy cunt. I once said to Herr Biermaier that's what it was. "My boy cunt feels lovely," I said when he had his pinkler in me and he was rubbing it over my nice spot. He said it was a naughty word, and that I wasn't to use it again until I was older. But that's what it is! I don't care if anybody tells me not to use that word. That's what it is. I'm a girl and not a boy, and I have a cunt, and I love to have it filled with stuff.
The stuff. I love the taste of it. There isn't anything else in the world that tastes like it. I can't get enough of it. I wish Aleric could make it.
Aleric. I love him. I really do love him. I always have since I joined the choir and he helped me out. He was always there for me. Even that night when Herr Biermaier split my arse with his big thing, and I was crying, it was Aleric who came to me and cleaned me up and put Vaseline on it, and then told me to keep putting it on and to keep away from Herr Biermaier until it was better. It was the best thing ever when Aleric told me that Herr Biermaier was doing stuff with him as well as me. I had a pal then; somebody I could talk to. But Aleric isn't like me. He really only does it to stay in the choir. I don't. I do it because I like doing it. But I couldn't tell Aleric that, and when he said he'd got Herr Biermaier not to put his big thing up me, he didn't know that even though it was painful, I still liked having it up me.
But what's going to happen to me and Aleric now? I'll be staying here, but he'll be going back home. But I'm not going back home! I've made my mind up about that! I'll run away before I go back there! I'm going to stay with Kurt.
Kurt. I think somebody is up, because I can hear them. I'll get up and go and see.
I go to get out of bed, and discover there's somebody else in it. I can't see who it is, but I think its Aleric. What's he doing in my bed? Shall I wake him? No, I'd better not do that. He's fast asleep. But it might be Gottwin. This is strange. I'll go and ask whoever is up. But I'll take the tablet first with a glass of water.
The second cup of coffee. It's six thirty, and I'm really awake now as I sit at the breakfast bar. I need to put some washing in, and then I'll slip into Hansie's room to see him asleep. I want to kiss his soft cheek.
Hansie! He's here! I turn and see my sweet darling. "Good morning, Mein Liebling. How are you? I didn't expect you up yet. Come here and give me a hug."
Hansie is rubbing his sleepy eyes as he walks across to me with a sloppy grin on his face, and when he reaches my open arms, he falls easily into them. I hug him, rub my nose in his soft hair and breathe in the aroma of my sweet boy. And then I pull him onto my knees and hug him again. He looks at me. "Can I have a drink please? Who's that in my bed?"
I kiss his soft cheek. "It's Gottwin. I'll tell you about it a moment. I'll get you a drink. What would you like?"
"Milk please. Warm milk. And a cookie please."
I kiss him again. "Two cookies."
Hansie giggles, gets off my knee and sits on the bar stool next to mine, supports his head in his hands, and stares at me while I'm making his milk. After a while, he says, "How long have you been up?"
I smile at him. "Not long. I was sitting here, thinking about you."
"What were you thinking?"
"Nothing much. Just that I love you to bits."
Hansie giggles. "Do you really?"
I turn, and wink at him. "You can bet your cute little bum that I do!"
Now Hansie is really giggling. "Do you think I've got a cute bum?"
"The cutest little bum in the whole of Europe, and one day, a young man's going to love you for it."
"Will he be big and strong?"
"Like Hercules. And he'll have muscles on his arms as big as Popeye."
"Will he love me?"
I smile at him. "If he's got any sense, he will. By the time you and I have sorted things, you'll be the most sought after boy in Berlin."
"But I don't want to be a boy. I told you. I want to be like you."
Again I wink at him. "Then you're going to be the cutest girl in Berlin. Can you keep a secret?"
I take the warm milk and a plate of cookies and set them down in front of him. And then I sit down next to him and whisper in his ear, "I've bought you some panties. Some silk ones. With lace trimmings. They're in your drawer."
Hansie's eyes are wide when he says, "Really!"
I nod. "But we only wear them when we decide its fine to wear them. OK?"
Hansie nods, and puts a whole cookie in his mouth. When he's eaten it, he asks, "Why is Gottwin here?"
I put an arm around his shoulder, and whisper, "They had a falling out."
"Gareth and Aleric. I had to go to them last night and sort it out. I thought it best that Gottwin came here so they could sort it without any interference."
"What was it about?"
I know that Hansie isn't aware of the full extent of what's going on between Gareth and Aleric, so I have to choose my words carefully. "Silly stuff. Gareth can be very grumpy at times. I went over to help them sort it. They both thought it would be easier if they were on their own, so I brought Gottwin back here to give them room to sort things."
Hansie is quiet for a while, and then he says, "Do they do stuff, Kurt?"
Now I really have to be careful. Hansie is ten years old, and some things are better not being revealed to one so young, even though he's deeply involved in the kind of stuff they are. "I don't know. I don't ask them. Have you ever asked Aleric?"
Hansie answers innocently. "I asked him once, but he said he didn't do that with Gareth."
"There you are then. It was probably to do with something else."
Just then, Heindrich comes into the breakfast room. When he sees us, he grins, and comes to us. He leans round me and kisses me on the lips. Then he leans round Hansie and kisses him on the lips, and says, "Good morning girls."
Hansie looks at me, and giggles at Heindrich's use of the word, `girls'. I wink at him, and I'm pleased that Heindrich has taken my advice to start as we intend going on by making Hansie as comfortable as possible with his sexual orientation, because I well remember the heartache I suffered by being ashamed at how different I was, and how, for many years I had to stifle my natural feelings.
I'm puzzled at the unfamiliar surroundings, and it takes me a while to wake myself enough to recall where and why I'm here, and when I do, my first thoughts are for Aleric. Oh my God! I hope he's OK!
Kurt and Heindrich and Hans are sitting at the breakfast bar when I walk in. They all turn to look at me when I say, "Good morning."
Kurt is the one who comes to me. He puts an arm round my shoulder, and says in a whisper, "Would you like a drink?"
I nod, and say in a whisper, "Yes please. How's Aleric?"
Kurt winks at me, and whispers, "I've heard nothing from them, so I suspect they're still in bed. Gareth will ring me when they get up, and then we're all going for a walk in the Tiergarten." And then he asks, "Aren't you tired?"
I nod. "I'm knackered."
"Then why don't you go back to bed for a while."
Now I know Aleric is OK, I rub my eyes and say, "I think I will. I'll just have a glass of water for now."
When I see Gottwin in his pyjamas, it makes me think of Aleric. I've seen Aleric in his pyjamas before, but never in ones that showed his legs off like the ones Gottwin is wearing. I love Aleric's body. When we did it together with Herr Biermaier, I couldn't take my eyes off his body, and ever since, when I wank myself off, I always remember the time I was sucking him off, and him fucking me. I'm only ten, but that's two people who've fucked me up to yet. Can I make it three? When I see Gottwin go back to bed, I pretend to be tired, and look at Kurt, and ask, "Can I go back to bed, please. I'm still tired."
"Of course you can, sweetheart. We won't be going for a walk until about nine'ish. You can get an extra hour or so. It will do you good. I'll give you a call when it's time to get ready. We're having breakfast in the park."
Gottwin is warm when I cuddle up to him. He's lying on his side, turned away from me. I want to put my arm around him, but I daren't. I whisper, "Are you asleep, Gottwin?"
Gottwin turns his head. "No. I was thinking about Aleric."
I rub my nose on Gottwin's back. "Kurt told me. They had a falling out. What was it about?"
"Herr Biermaier. Gareth's found out."
"I don't know. He just did, and they had a big row. Then Kurt came over and sorted it. Kurt brought me here, and they've gone to bed."
"Gone to bed?"
Gottwin turns onto his back. "Yes. Don't tell me you don't know."
I'm about to say I don't, when I realise it will make me look a fool if I don't pretend that I do. "Of course I do. I just thought it was funny that they'd gone to bed after Gareth found out about Herr Biermaier. Was he really mad?"
"Uhuh! At first he was, then he realised that you two had been used by him." Gottwin is silent for a while, and then he says, "Hans, Aleric says he enjoyed some of the things Herr Biermaier did to him. Did you?"
I giggle. "Yes, especially that night when Herr Biermaier made us all do it together. That was the best ever. Even Aleric was really crazy that night."
"What did you do?"
"If I tell you, will you promise not to tell Aleric that I told you?"
"Of course I won't! What do you think I am? I can keep a secret."
I giggle again, and snuggle closer to Gottwin. "He made Aleric suck me and fuck me. It was lovely. Your brother is really sexy when he's got nothing on."
"Did you like him fucking you?"
"Of course I did! It's Aleric! I've always loved him!" I giggle again. "He only has to touch me and my pinkler goes hard."
Gottwin giggles, reaches round and grabs my pinkler, which is now hard because we're talking about things, and says, "Like this?"
I push my hips at Gottwin's hand. "Yes. Do you get sexy feelings?"
"Of course I do. And I can make spunk. Aleric can't."
"Can you really! Show me!"
Gottwin grabs my hand, puts it on his hard pinkler, and says, "Find out yourself!"
I wank Gottwin a few times, and then I say, "Can I suck it?"
Gottwin lifts the duvet and pushes my head down. I don't need two invitations. I go down the bed, pull his pyjama shorts down his legs, scramble between them, get hold of his pinkler, and begin to suck him off. Gottwin still has the duvet up in the air, and he's watching what I do. I decide to do the things to him Herr Biermaier taught me. I concentrate on his knob; tickling underneath it with my tongue, and then suck just his knob and not all his pinkler. Because he's watching me, it makes me feel even sexier, and I do other things, like sucking his balls and biting his legs. He's humping at me now, and I know he's going to spurt his stuff. I'm not going to miss tasting that, so I suck hard on his knob just as he goes over the top, and I'm rewarded when a few small spurts hit the back of my throat. None of it is wasted, and I drink it all, and then squeeze out what hasn't spurted out of him, and suck that off his pee slit. Then he pushes me away.
Hans is lying beside me again, and he's giggling when he says, "Was I good?"
I grin at him. "Yes. That was brilliant."
Hans giggles even more. "It's even nicer when you fuck somebody. Do you want to fuck me?"
I shrug my shoulders. "When I've had a rest. Do you like being fucked?"
"I would if it was you or Aleric. How long have we got to wait?"
My pinkler is already getting hard again, especially because Hans is fondling it. I grin at him. "Keep doing that and it won't be long."
Hans chuckles. "I'll get ready for you then."
And he turns over and pulls his pyjama bottom down to his knees. I lift the duvet and see his little arse sticking out, waiting for me. I'm hard again now, and I turn over and push my pinkler at his bum. I'm not very good at this, but it seems as if Hans is. He gets hold of my pinkler with one hand, pulls his bum open with the other, and says, "Push it in now."
I push, and my pinkler slides right up his arse.
Gottwin's pinkler goes in easily, and when it's in, I let go of my bum cheek and push back. Thank God it doesn't hurt. The tablets and the Vaseline seem have cured my bum. Super! I push back even harder, and the end of his pinkler is rubbing on my special place. I was thinking it might not be long enough, but it's perfect. In the next ten minutes, I get the feelings twice shuddering through me before Gottwin wraps an arm around me and fucks me really hard, and I know he's done it again. I wait a while until he goes soft and his pinkler slips out of me, and then I roll over onto my side. When we've pulled our pyjamas up, I look at him, and say, "Was it good?"
He nods. "When can we do it again?"
I giggle. "I don't know. I've got an idea. If Aleric wants to do things with Gareth at night, why don't you make an excuse and come and stay here with me each night? Kurt won't mind. He'll let me do anything."
"Good idea. But I'm not sure you could keep up with me. I can do it three or four times if I want to."
"I can do it ten!"
"I am not! I'll prove it next time you stay with me."
"Why not prove it now! Let me put my pinkler up you again and we'll count how many times you can do it. But no cheating!"
And I don't cheat once while Gottwin really goes hard at me with his pinkler rubbing on my special place, because I get the special feeling five times to his twice before he finally gives up and says his pinkler is getting sore.
At nine thirty, my mobile phone goes. It's Aleric. He yells down the phone, "Hi Bro. How are you?"
"Fine. How are you?"
"Super! We're meeting in the Tiergarten. See you there. OK?"
I laugh. "See you there. Bring some money."
Aleric laughs again. "I'll ask Moneybags for some. He's got plenty. Seeya."
When Aleric breaks the call, I'm elated. He sounded really happy. It seems as though they've sorted things. Thank God for that. I'll have to have a word with him about me staying here. I'm not sure I'll want to stay here every night though. My pinkler is sore after just one session with him. He's a randy little sod!
To be continued...
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