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The Angel of Pie Jesu.
By John T. S. Teller.
Book one – Star in the Hood.
I haven't been able to take my eyes off my beautiful Hansie all day, and neither can I now as he leans against me, hugging my arm in the back of the car as Heindrich drives us home after spending the day with Gareth. I'm finding myself looking at Hans almost every second to discover every nuance of his looks; everything that makes him smile; everything he does. This morning, after I'd made my little sweetheart his warm milk, he was sitting on my knee when he looked over the top of his glass, and said, "Kurt, can I call you Mum?" I lost it, and began to cry. He put his glass down, and then hugged me and cried with me. It took us a while to be able to talk, and after I'd dried our eyes, I told him that he could call me Mum, and Heindrich, Dad, if we could adopt him. That's when he told me he wasn't going back to his foster parents under any circumstances. No way was he going to leave me and Heindrich. We were his mummy and daddy now, and he'd run away if Children's Services didn't agree to it. I humoured him, and told him I'd try to sort things, and that if I couldn't, Uncle Gareth would, because he was a very powerful man in Berlin. I didn't know then that `Uncle Gareth' was already sorting things.
We reach the apartment. Hansie says he's tired, and asks Heindrich to carry him in. Heindrich is still a strong man, and picks him up easily, and I watch Hansie snuggle into his shoulder as he carries him in and places him on the sofa. Then Heindrich sits beside him and kisses him gently on the forehead, and when he gets up, because I know my man, I can see that he's near to tears. I tell Hansie that I'll make him a bedtime drink, and then take Heindrich's hand and pull him into the kitchen. I hug him and kiss him, and he holds me tightly. There's no need for words: I know my man loves this boy child as much as I do.
After Hansie has had his drink, he asks if I'll give him a bath. I'm apprehensive. This is a bit soon, but I agree after I've said to him, "I will, but you're not to mention it to the Children's Services when they come to visit us."
His comment, Don't be daft! Of course I won't! puts me at ease in that regard. But there's something else on my mind, too. My love for Hansie is about as pure a love as exists in the universe, but I'm still not certain that Hansie's affection for Heindrich and me doesn't contain some sexual thoughts. I know what a sexy little sod he is; much like I was, but if we're to live together, then we need to set some ground rules, and this is as good a time to make them before we get any deeper into our relationship. So I take him to the bathroom and begin to fill the tub.
Hansie divests himself of his clothes, and stands naked, unashamed, helping me make the bubble bath for him. No sign whatsoever that he's sexually aroused. His tiny pinkler remains tiny, and it remains in that state throughout the whole experience of bathing my baby, and it stays like that when I towel him off afterwards. He puts on his dressing gown, we go to our bedroom, and I dry his hair with the hairdryer while Heindrich sits in the bed, watching us. We're all laughing and giggling as he explains how he likes his hair, but I keep trying different styles on him. When I suggest he grows his hair long, he's pleased, and says he will. Then, after he's kissed Heindrich, I take him to his bedroom. He searches though his drawers, but can't find a pair of pyjamas he really wants to wear tonight.
Earlier, I'd told him that I'd bought him some panties, and he was delighted. But I've also bought him some other clothes; things that I thought we would introduce him to very gradually. Now he's having difficulty selecting pyjamas, it crosses my mind that maybe he's ready now for some of the things, and I reach right into the back of one of the top boxes of his wardrobe, and fetch out a package. I sit him on the bed, sit beside him, and together we open it. When he sees the selection of nighties I've got him, he's excited, gives me a massive hug, selects a pink one decorated with roses, puts it on, and stands looking at himself in front of the full length mirror. He's looking at me through the mirror, and I nod to him.
He turns and comes to me. "Can I show it to dad?"
I kiss his cheek. "Yes, of course. Come on, let's go and show him his little girl."
With Hansie holding my hand tightly, we go to Heindrich, who is reading a book. He looks up, breaks into an enormous smile, and opens his arms when he sees our baby. Hansie goes to Heindrich, who picks him up and hugs him tightly. Tears are coming from my eyes now, and I go and join them, sitting on the bed with them while they hug.
Then I decide to be a proper mum, and say, "Bedtime young lady!"
Hansie grins, kisses Heindrich on the lips, takes my hand, and I lead him back to his bedroom.
I tuck him under the duvet, lean over him, and stare into his face. "Goodnight my precious. Sleep tight and we'll see you in the morning."
When I switch off the main light, leaving my baby with just the night light to illuminate the room, he says, "Goodnight mum. See you in the morning."
I blow him a kiss, close the door, and go to Heindrich... and I'm the happiest mum in the world.
But there was one major downside to our beautiful experience. The towel slipped from my hands and fell to the floor when I was drying my baby. He bent down to pick it up, and it gave me sight of what, I expect, Biermaier has done to him. My baby's anus opened unnaturally, and I could see into him. I've only seen one remotely like that before on a child so young. It was me a long time ago when I was his age, and I suspect across the city is another boy whose anus will look like Hansie's. Herr Biermaier will pay the price for this, because even mine was not so badly violated.
Gareth is sitting on the edge of the bed, working on his laptop when I go to him after leaving Gottwin. He's wearing only boxers, and when I've stripped naked, I get on the bed behind him and begin stroking his strong back. He tries to shoo me away, but I draw long lines down his back to the hem of his boxers. I put my arms around his shoulders and rub my hard pinkler against him while I'm kissing his neck. He moves his head so I can kiss him in different places, and then he gives up with the laptop, closes it, places it on the floor, turns down the lights, and half turns to me. I stare into his eyes, and then he kisses me. I pull him back so he's lying on the bed with his lower legs over the edge, and with us being the opposite way round, we kiss upside down. It all happens so naturally after that.
After we've kissed, Gareth pulls me down his body and kisses my pinkler, and I push his boxers down to his knees and stroke his stiffie. Then he kisses my balls, and because I'm lying on his face, I know he'll be looking up at my bum. When his fingers go directly to my hole without missing, I know he is, and I become apprehensive about what he'll do. He's in the perfect position to do what I've always wanted him to do, but I think he might reject me that way. Because I'm a lot smaller than he is, I can't quite get my mouth to his pinkler, so I go down slightly to kiss the end of it, and I know that what I'm doing will make me available to Gareth if he wants me that way. All he has to do is lift his head off the bed, and when I feel his tongue licking the space between my balls and my bum hole, I know he does.
But our positioning isn't right. Although my legs are wide open, I'm lying almost flat on him. For Gareth to do what I want, I have to draw my knees forward so I'm kneeling over him. I feel his tongue trying to get to my hole, so I take the plunge and draw them under me. Now, I'm fully exposed to him, and my bum cheeks are so wide, he won't even have to use his fingers to get to me. He doesn't... he lifts his head and sinks his tongue deep into my hole.
I'm elated. He hasn't rejected me that way. I know I'm clean. I scrubbed myself down there when we showered, and I even shoved a soapy finger right up my hole, hoping he'd do this to me. I know what he's smelling: Lynx and me, and not shit.
While I'm stroking and fondling his stiffie, he wanks me while he's licking and kissing and sucking and putting his tongue as far up my hole as he can get it, and when I climax and make my bit of stuff, he licks it off the end of my knob, and then goes back to my hole again. I never once go soft as he repeats the same thing twice more.
Although I'm feeling sexually drained, I know I've got to reward my Beautiful Man for what he's done to me, so I edge down his body to suck on his swollen knob, which, by now, is oozing stuff from his slit. He still hasn't finished with me down there, and while I'm sucking him, he sticks two fingers into me and plays with my insides. Then he spurts his stuff. I swallow as much as I can, and catch the rest in my hands as it comes out of the corners of my mouth, and because I'm worked up again, I lick it off my fingers, and when I roll off him, both he and I are quite clean.
Things are getting easier! After we've kissed and loved each other for a while, we go to the bathroom and clean our teeth and wash our mouths out, and while we're doing it, we're giggling and doing suggestive things with our mouths and tongues.
Finally, before we go to sleep, I ask him, "Did you mind doing that to me?"
He kisses me, and says, "No, but I was worried you might think I was going too far."
I give him a massive kiss, giggle, and say, "It's a pity your tongue isn't longer."
He laughs. "Then maybe I need something to help me out?"
I give him a puzzled look. "Such as?"
Gareth giggles. "I don't know. Maybe I should ask Kurt? He seems to know more about you than I do."
That embarrasses me, and I hide my face in his neck. I'm hoping it will be a vibrating one, and just the right size.
I knew it was over when they went to the bathroom and were giggling in there. This isn't fair! I want part of this sexy stuff! But how? I have an idea. Well, it will at least get me started.
I'm just falling asleep when I hear Gottwin at the bedroom door. He's moaning, and when I look at him just visible in the shadows cast by the blue lamp turned very low in the corner of the room, I can see he's rubbing his eyes, and he seems to be upset. I sit up in bed, and ask, "What's the matter?"
He mumbles, "I've just had a horrible dream."
Gareth turns the bedside light on, and looking very embarrassed, says to me, "You can go and sleep with Gottwin if you want, or Gottwin can get in here next to you if you like, and I'll go and sleep the other room." Then he says to Gottwin, "Get in bed here, and I'll go and make you both a drink. Then you can sort yourselves out when you're feeling better."
Gottwin doesn't need a second invitation. As soon as Gareth says that, he's by my side of the bed and getting in next to me, and I'm thinking that because both Gareth and me are naked, Gareth will have to come to terms with his shyness about Gottwin knowing what we do. Gareth leans over the bed to get his boxers from the floor, and slips them on before getting out of bed. For him, that's a partial recovery from an embarrassing situation. But we can't hide it now, and I'm not sure how Gareth will handle it.
Gareth goes to the wardrobe, takes out a dressing gown, slips it on, and then goes to make us a drink. When he's gone, Gottwin says, "I'm sorry. It was an awful dream."
I put an arm around him and hug him. "It's OK. I'll sort it. You wait here and I'll go to him and see what's happening." I giggle. "I'd better put my pyjama bottoms on first."
Gottwin giggles, and then snuggles his head on my pillow as I get out of bed and go to Gareth, who has his back to me when walk into the kitchen. I go to him and put my arms round him. "I'm sorry."
Gareth turns to me, and he's grinning. "He won't tell your mum and dad, will he?"
I giggle. "No. He knows about us anyway."
"I know that, but getting caught in the act is rather embarrassing. What do we do now?"
I shrug my shoulders. "That's up to you. I can go back to our room with him if you want."
"Do you want to?"
"No. I'd rather stay with you, and I don't want you to go and sleep in our bed."
"But that means Gottwin sleeps with us."
Gareth shrugs his shoulders. "That's up to you. It doesn't bother me, as long as he sleeps on the other side of you."
I bury my head in Gareth's chest to stifle my laughter, and then manage to say, "We'd be like two hot water bottles if we slept one each side of you."
Gareth giggles. "I have difficulty enough now keeping it soft with just you in bed with me."
I'm almost crying with laughter when I look at Gareth, and say, "But think of the fun you'd have, not to mention the fun me and Gottwin would have abusing you! He fancies you."
Gareth shakes his head. "You're a disgusting little sod! I'm beginning to think you'd really like it to happen."
For an answer, I pull down the front of my PJ's to just below my balls, and show him my erect pinkler. He shakes his head and bursts out laughing, and we're still giggling when the hot chocolate is made and we carry the three drinks into the bedroom on a tray. I think about being really naughty and making Gareth get in the middle, but decide not to. That would be taking things too fast, but I can't deny that I want to. I'm feeling sexy just thinking about the fun we could all have together. The evening that me and Hansie had with Herr Biermaier is still fresh in my mind. That had been fantastic sex.
One hundred and eightyyyyyyyy! I chuckle to myself when I remember Kurt's words. What else was it he said? You may not love him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have the same needs that Aleric has. You could have quite a time if you chose to. Aleric showed me his hard cock in the kitchen. He certainly wants it. But he would... he's a randy little sod. But so am I when it comes to him... and his brother if I'm honest with myself. But how would Gottwin react? I've discovered tonight that they've been talking between themselves. That was about Aleric coming to me. What else will they have talked about? He fancies you?
Aleric gives Gottwin his drink, and then comes round to the other side of the bed to get in. He grins at me, and makes a signal with his head for me to get in first. I point to the bed to insist he gets in first, and wearing a big grin and still in his PJ bottoms, he gets in the middle, next to Gottwin. I follow, still wearing my dressing gown, and we all sit in bed drinking our hot chocolate.
I look past Aleric, and ask Gottwin, "Was it a really bad dream?"
"It was horrible. I dreamt I was falling down a lift shaft. I woke up just before I hit the bottom."
"That must have been awful. How do you feel now?"
"I'm OK. I'm sorry. Do you want me to go back to my own bed when I've finished this drink?"
Aleric doesn't give me a chance to answer. He butts in, and says, "No! But don't tell mum and dad that we've slept with Gareth!"
"Don't be daft! Of course I won't. I wouldn't spoil things between you two!"
Aleric's voice softens. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I know you won't tell mum and dad. I just meant that I wanted you to be careful not to let it slip out."
Aleric has to spurt the chocolate drink back into his cup when he hears Gottwin say, "Let what slip out?"
I just shake my head and chuckle while the two boys break up with laugher at the joke, and when they've managed to control themselves, Gottwin finishes his drink, puts it on his beside cupboard, sinks down in the bed on his side, facing Aleric, and puts an arm over his brother. "I won't. I'm sorry."
Aleric finishes his drink, gives me his cup, goes down the bed to lie facing Gottwin, and puts an arm over him.
I seem to have become a bystander in this brotherly love. I'm still sitting up, and they're down in the bed, cuddling and chatting to each other as if I don't exist.
Aleric says, "That dream must have been a horrible experience. I'm sorry I left you alone."
Gottwin giggles. "It was, but I'm nice and warm now."
Aleric giggles, "We're supposed to be hot water bottles."
I can't help giggling with them, and I reach down and grip Aleric's neck. "You're both trouble. I should wring your necks."
Aleric looks up at me, and grins. And then he says to Gottwin, "He's a bossy boots."
I've seen their closeness before, but seeing them in bed together like this is nice. I decide to give them some space, so I get out of bed, pick up my laptop, and tell the boys that because I'm now awake and I need to catch up on some work, I'll go and do it in the lounge. Without even looking at me, Aleric says in a really grumpy voice, "Don't stay up all night. We're going to the games shop with Hansie tomorrow."
Two hours later, I am tired, and I decide to pack up the work I'm doing. When I go to the bedroom, the boys are wrapped together in the middle of the bed, foreheads together, fast asleep. I sit on the edge of the bed and look at them. They're beautiful... and I decide not to disturb them. Two hours ago, if I really wanted to, I'm pretty sure I could have had sex with both of them. But at what point does my affection for Aleric spill over into abuse? Kurt thinks it would be fun. I'm sure Aleric would welcome it. Gottwin would probably enjoy it, too. So would I. But I have responsibilities. Mostly to Aleric, because if I allow things to spill over into all-out sex, we'd be losing the something special that we have. Then there's Aleric's family to consider. I've already gate-crashed it, and having sex with both boys would be an act of betrayal. I'd be no different than Biermaier; using my position to abuse them. I love them all too much to do that. One hundred and eightyyyyyyyy! Yes, it would probably be fantastic, sexually, but I'm not prepared to face the consequences of feeling guilty again. It nearly split Aleric and me up before. Look at them now... two Angels of Pie Jesu. This is too good an opportunity to miss, so I take a picture of them with my iPhone. I'll send it to Gunther to show to his mum and dad. It will give them peace of mind knowing their two boys are safe together.
When I go to the boys' room and get in their bed, I'm not sure if I'm stupid or just plain daft. I'm normally a ruthless bastard, but it seems that I'm bi-polar, too. Where Aleric is concerned, I'm as soft as shit. But that could be a hindrance as well as a blessing. Unless I take the ruthless part of me into our affair, Aleric could easily manipulate me into doing things I know would be wrong, especially when I consider that I also want to do the things he does. When we went back to the bedroom with the drinks, I very nearly got in between the boys. I wanted to be in bed with them; I wanted to delight in their succulent bodies; to suck both their cocks; to fuck them both, and when I'm drifting off to sleep, I'm still not sure I've done the right thing by denying us all what we wanted.
The moment I wake I know where Gareth is, and I'm not too pleased with him. I wasn't pleased with him last night when he wouldn't do stuff with me and Gottwin. It's that guilt thing with him again. Or is it? He's so clever that, sometimes, I think he's way ahead of me in things that are going on between us. Everything we've done has been as if I've needed to be the one in control. But how can that be when Gareth is so clever and runs massive businesses? A man who can do that should surely be able to work things out. When we first met, I put myself on a plate for him. Eventually, he did take me. It took Herr Biermaier six months to get to where Gareth is now, and Gareth has gone one step further... he's got me to suck him off, something I'd never do with Herr Biermaier. He says he loves me. But if he really loved me, he'd do what I want. He said he'd do anything for me. That's not true. He knew I wanted him to do stuff with me and Gottwin last night, but he wouldn't. Why? Even if he'd had enough sex to satisfy himself, he knew very well that once Gottwin disturbed us, I was ready for more. When I showed him my pinkler in the kitchen he knew that, and he knows by now that I hate being left half satisfied. But he walked out on me!
Oh God! Why am I thinking this way? The reason he wouldn't do it is because he loves me! You're a stupid fool, Aleric Hahn! He is shy. He does have a conscience. Oh God! I'm sorry Gareth. I'm just so disappointed because I was so worked up last night.
Last night. When Gareth had gone, me and Gottwin sucked each other off, pretending it was Gareth doing it to us. Gottwin was really horny when I was taking the part of Gareth and kissing his body all over before I sucked him off. When I can get Gareth to do it for real, I want to watch them doing it, especially when I can get Gareth to put his tongue up Gottwin's bum. But Gareth will have a surprise when he tries to fuck Gottwin. He won't be able to get his pinkler up him. That takes a lot of practice... and some pain for Gottwin to get to that stage. But that's OK. I'll be the only one that Gareth can fuck. I'll be his special boy. But that's how it should be. I'm the one who loves him, not Gottwin. And I'm the one who he loves. He'll be in our bed now. Gottwin is still asleep. I'll go to Gareth after I've had a pee and get him to suck my morning hardness away.
When I've had a pee, I go through the corridor to our bedroom. The bed is empty. Where is he? I walk out of the bedroom and towards the lounge, and hear music playing.
I'm in the lounge, dressed (listening to some songs I downloaded onto a CD: Nyctalgia, playing very softly in the background), drinking a coffee and looking out at the city when Aleric comes into the room wearing his pyjama bottoms and rubbing his eyes. He looks puzzled when he mumbles, "Have you been up all night?"
I smile at him. "No. I hope you don't mind, but I slept in your bed last night. I was going to go back to you, but you and Gottwin were fast asleep, and you looked so peaceful and beautiful that I thought it would be a crime to disturb you. I sneaked into my room this morning and got dressed while you were asleep." I hold out a hand. "Don't I get a hug from my Star in the Hood?" He comes to me. I put an arm around him and rub my nose in his hair, smelling the wonder of my sleepy boy, and I can't resist whispering, "I love you."
He turns his head up and looks right into my eyes. "Do you really?"
The way he asks the question sort of takes me by surprise. Undoubtedly, the question was a genuine one, and not an off-the-cuff remark. I give him a peck on the lips. "More than you'll ever know. Can I get you a drink?"
He nods. "In a minute. Just hold me for a while."
I hug my boy closer. He sinks into me, and I feel him sobbing. It doesn't surprise me... I sensed something was troubling him when he came into the room, and even more so when he asked me that question. I decide not to question him about it. If he wants to tell me something, he will... in his own time. I lay my head on the top of his and caress his soft hair with my cheek. The song that's playing is Mira. Maybe it's the music that's upsetting him, and I ask, "Would you like me to change the music?"
He shakes his head, and I hear him whisper, "No. It's beautiful. Do you really love me, Gareth?"
It's there again... the doubt, and the emphasis on the word `really'. I wasn't wrong. "Uhuh! Do you love me?"
I feel him nod his head, but I'm perplexed by what's going on in his mind for him to even question my love for him, and I have to ask, "What's brought this on?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing. Just hold me please."
And I do, for a long time while the CD plays. I love the music of Nyctalgia. It gets into my soul almost as much as Aleric's voice does. It's spiritual music. It's why I like some of the deep Sigur Ros music. Maybe it's getting into Aleric's soul now, and that's why he's morose? He lifts his head. I can see the tears running down his cheeks. I can't hold back my own, and I rub our noses together and kiss his soft lips repeatedly. He lifts his arms, wraps them around my neck and crushes his mouth against mine. This isn't a sexual kiss; this is love; deep love; the kind that hurts; the kind of love that needs to be carefully managed; the kind of love that can drive you to insanity, and I'm worried to death that a small boy is having to cope with it. And for the first time since I laid eyes on him, I'm wishing we'd never met, because if he can't manage it, it could destroy him. And me.
As I hug Gareth very closely, feeling the warmth of him and the steady thud of his heartbeats, I begin to feel a great sense of loss. The beautiful music is getting into my soul; deep down, especially when I listen to the words of the song...
Only pain remains of our love...
A world a loving year created...
In a single second you destroyed my world.
Now my dreams are gone...
And the door is closed forever.
The first tear cast me into nothingness.
And yet your voice whispers to me still
A hopeless song of love.
... and I begin to cry. For some reason, and I don't really understand why, I'm feeling that my world is beginning to fall apart. Well, I do partly understand. It all stems from my thoughts that Gareth is using me. I need to get rid of those thoughts, because they're stupid! I lift my head and see tears slipping from Gareth's eyes, and he rubs my nose with his and kisses my wet lips very softly. The feelings inside me surge through my lips, and I crush our mouths together in a long, passionate kiss that almost makes me faint. Oh my God! I love this man so much!
When the track changes again, I break the kiss, give Aleric a pat on the bum, switch off the melancholy music, and tell him to go and wake Gottwin and get washed and dressed because we have a busy day ahead. Without saying anything, he turns away and goes to the bathroom. I never take my eyes from him as he walks away with his head down, and I'm worried so much that I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. What's going on?
To be continued...
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