The Journal Of Aristides
collection is a work of fiction and contains material that may not be suitable for
some readers. It is a work of erotica and features encounters between boys and
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Author's note: The Journal Of Aristides is a work of fiction, indeed, fantasy. It has no setting in time or place – your imagination may place it perhaps in Ancient Rome, the use of Greek and Latin style names may lead to that – or you may think of it as being in an unidentified future where the mores of times long gone are once again the fashion. Wherever and whenever you imagine it to be set, my hope is that it provides enjoyment.
The Journal Of Aristides
Book The Second
I was now approaching the end of my twelfth year and had gained a little in height. The definition of my body had improved also, for I took great pleasure in training and I could run, throw and wrestle with the best of my age, sports I indulged in with always a determination to succeed.
I had grown a little elsewhere too, and my rod, though still small, was, I fancied, a little larger than it had been when Romulus had last seen it. No doubt, if he were still in the same bed as I and not in the Emperor's, he would have commented on its growth and we would have giggled together as boys do about such matters.
Alas, Romulus did now share a bed with the Emperor and mine was empty apart from me, my right hand the only satisfaction available to me before I slept and when I woke. Much did I long for a boy in my bed, as is only natural, but mostly I longed for Romulus. Of course, he was not the only boy whose image aided my hand at such times; though my lessons were with the tutor, Menedus, my exercises and sports were with all the boys of the Imperial Household and many there were comely enough to make my rod rise at the thought of granting them favours.
Many asked for my favours, but though my body ached to feel once again a rod of pleasure enter it, that was a favour I did not grant. The favours of my hands and my mouth I granted willingly enough to all who pleased me and asked for those favours in the proper manner, but I permitted none to enter me from behind. I pleased not the older boys by this refusal, some knowing that it had been a favour I granted freely enough before I left the dormitory to be with Romulus, and word spread that I had become unnatural and was no longer a proper boy. I even heard calls of `Cock Hater' thrown in my direction, the worst insult boys can hurl at another, but though those calls moved me sometimes to tears in my bed at nights I did not weaken in my resolve. My mind and body ached to be used in all the ways a boy's body should be used but I could not bring myself to grant that particular favour to any who made casual request for it. A year and a half of being with Romulus, of him using me in any and every way he wished because I wanted him to as he wanted also, had brought me to believe that the granting of the biggest favour was a thing more special than the others.
That I spent many nights sleepless, my mind churning that I had indeed become unnatural, cannot be denied, and it weighed heavy on my mind. These fears must have become apparent in my behaviour, my studies in lessons with Menedus less assiduous, my efforts in training and sports less wholehearted. Boys stopped asking me for favours of any kind and truly I began to believe I was unnatural, and knowing that was so, that no man would wish to take me for his bed. What fate is there worse for a boy than to be shunned by his peers and to believe no man will ever want him because he is unnatural, has tastes that, rightly, all men find abhorrent?
In such a mood of depressed despair I attended a lesson with Menedus some few days before my thirteenth birthday. He did not begin the lesson as usual by saying what topic it was we should discuss, but asked instead why I was dressed as I was. I looked in some surprise, for never before had he commented on my dress. For some weeks I had favoured the style of tunic that leaves one shoulder bare, it was a style I favoured, thought it showed off my developing body.
"Why is it," he asked, "That you leave one shoulder bare and wear no loincloth?"
I blushed furiously, for it was true I wore nothing beneath my tunic, had so done since the day I went first to the house of Claudius and met Romulus.
I struggled to find an answer that I could give, but all my training since earliest years had been that one must always speak truth, but before I could stammer out why it was I did so, Menedus spoke again.
"Do you dress so because you are unnatural, are a cock-hater?" he asked.
"I am not a cock-hater," I denied hotly, "I am not unnatural!"
"Tell me," Menedus said calmly, not seeming the least dismayed by my unmannered answering of him, "Do you think a boy of unnatural tastes, a cock-hater, would dress in a way that reveals so much of his body to the gaze of boys and men, would wear a tunic as short as yours, would wear no loincloth to hide his cock from the sight of boys and men?"
I knew not what to answer, for Menedus had said exactly why I dressed so; I wanted boys and men to look on me, to desire me, to beg favours from me. He looked at me, said no more, but his eyes demanded an answer.
"No," I managed at last to say, "I do not think a boy of unnatural tastes would dress so."
"From that it must follow, then, that you, being a boy who dresses in a manner no unnatural boy would, cannot be an unnatural boy. Is that not so?"
"It is," I agreed, for one cannot deny logic.
"And since we have demonstrated that you are not a boy of unnatural tastes, why should it be that you have thoughts that you are? Why is it that `cock-hater' is called after you?"
My anger and shame drained a little from me as I began to understand that, unusual as it was, this was a lesson and Menedus was still tutoring me.
"Because I refused all requests for the third favour," I said as calmly as I could, trying to treat this now as a lesson in logic and argument. "I did not so for the favours of the hand or of the mouth, but," and I blushed again for some things are embarrassing for a boy to say, "Though I wish much to be once more used from behind as Romulus used me often, I find I have no wish to grant that favour to a request casually made."
"You granted such a request to Romulus, did you not? And that not the first such request you granted."
My blush deepened, for Menedus probed deep. As my tutor he had a right to so probe, and as an honest boy, which I hoped I was, I must answer him with truth.
"Not the first such request, no," I admitted, "In the dormitory there were boys who asked and some I granted that favour to. It is a boy's duty, is it not, to give pleasure to those older than himself?"
"His duty, yes," Menedus agreed, "But is it his duty to grant all such requests for favours?"
"I believe not so," I said, for this was something I had thought much on; "If the request be properly made and in the right manner and the boy thinks he may himself find pleasure in the granting of it, then it is right for him to do so. If the request is ........." I paused, unsure of how to say what I meant, "Is of a casual nature, the boy or man wishing no more than to use a boy instead of his hand or a slave, I think it right for the boy to refuse."
"Why granted you then the requests of Romulus upon your first meeting of him? Thought you not that his requests were casual? That he wanted no more than to enjoy the body of a boy as young as you were then?"
"Not so," I said, and then, despite my earlier black mood, I giggled, "His requests were so far from being casual that I had to urge him to make them."
"Did you so?" Menedus asked, his face still the face of a tutor, betraying no hint of amusement.
"Indeed I did," I giggled again, I do believe he was more shy than me. I believe I told him that if he requested favours from me then I would grant them most willingly. I think I even told him that I hoped he would wish to use me from behind."
Menedus did smile then and his smile encouraged me to say more.
"He was shy when he kissed me," I recounted, "As I was also. I longed to kiss him with open mouth so our tongues could join, but he would do nothing that could be thought ill-mannered. I had to put my face close to his before he permitted our lips to touch, and he would not part them till we looked at each other and ours eyes said what we could not say in words. And then, when at last he asked for the favour of my hand, I discovered that, like me, he wore no loincloth." I giggled loudly at the remembering of it, at the foolishness of two boys so eager for the granting of favours that they both wore nothing to obstruct the doing of those favours and both frightened less they give offence.
"Why wanted you so to grant Romulus your favours? You knew him not before."
"Because he was beautiful," I said truthfully, "And I wanted him to take what pleasure from my young body that he could, because it would give me pleasure to let him do that." I thought for a few moments before saying all, "And because, in those first few moments I came to believe he was not only a boy of exquisite beauty, but a boy with a noble mind as well. I was only a boy of ten years, but I knew he did not just wish to use me, he wanted to share with me."
A tear formed in my eye when I said that and I understood that I had more than liked Romulus, I had loved him and he had loved me in the way that boys can love another boy.
"And when he could no longer share with you, then you wept and fell into despair, denying all other boys the pleasure that you have to offer."
Menedus did not hit the truth this time and I told him so.
"I wept, yes. My last night with him I soaked the bed with my tears. I wept when he kissed me, I wept when he used me, and perhaps some tears were tears of grief that it was our last night together. But most were tears not of grief but joy. Tears for the joy we had together, and tears of unbelievable happiness that he would go from the bed we were in to the greatest bed in the Empire. What boy could dream of greater fortune than to be chosen by the Emperor? I wept in my sleep with happiness for him."
"Aristides," Menedus said solemnly, "Fear not that you are an unnatural boy for you are not so; and those that name you such have been noted, their futures and fortunes determined. They are too weak in mind and spirit to serve the Empire in any meaningful way and will, in time, return from whence they came, not in disgrace, but with knowledge of their faults. Only the best can serve the Emperor and the Empire, and, like Romulus, you are still amongst the best. Life for boys of the Imperial Household is a life of tests and you have passed this one with much merit. As Romulus passed his greatest test when he chose you for his companion."
This I did not understand and said so. What test had I passed? How had choosing me for his companion been a test for Romulus?
has been to question yourself, look into your own soul," Menedus told me. "With
Romulus you learned of the pleasures of the body, the joy that one boy can give
another. You were not selfish with those pleasures, enjoyed the giving of them
even more than you enjoyed the receiving of them. When the source of those pleasures
was taken from you, you wept, not in grief at their loss but in happiness that
the giver of those pleasures was moving on to greater things. That shows a
truly noble mind. And, stripped of those pleasures, did you seek straight away
to satisfy the needs and demands of your body? No, you yearned for them as you
yearn now, but would not seek for them for the mere satisfaction of your young
flesh. When you next grant someone the favour of entering you from behind, then
it will be someone you deem worthy of granting that favour to.
The test for Romulus was to choose as his companion a boy worthy of himself, and he chose you, and in choosing so he showed that he chose not for beauty alone but for much more than that, and, having chosen, he made it clear to all that he would not change his mind. That is why he is now in the Emperor's bed, why, in time, he may himself become Emperor."
I thought much on what Menedus had said, and came to understand that it was a lesson in life that he had given me and that I was not an unnatural boy, not a cock-hater, indeed, I had as much affection for the rod of pleasure as any other boy, but that a boy needed more than simply a cock to make him worthy of my favours.
I returned to Menedus in much better mood to enquire how it was that he had said Romulus may, in time become Emperor, for I had no understanding of how Emperors were made, there having been but the one in my short life.
"You know it is the custom for an Emperor to choose boys for his bed," Menedus began.
"Of course," I said for that was well known and as it should be, "Do not all men desire a boy for their bed and for their pleasure? Even tutors," I hinted with a sly grin.
"Even tutors," Menedus smiled, "And do not think I take no pleasure in knowing that you come to lessons wearing only that tunic, and that I do not delight in being tutor to a boy of exceptional beauty. Think not that I do not have a boy to share my bed and know of all the pleasures that a boy has to give a man, but my task with you is to teach you and not to court you."
I laughed openly at that, pleased that Menedus took some pleasure from my form, and was confident enough to tease him more.
"It would not concern you, then," and my slu grin betrayed my teasing of him, "Should I choose to don a loincloth for our lessons?"
"It would disappoint me some," he smiled and we both laughed, at ease in each other's company.
"Shall we return to Emperors?" Menedus asked and I agreed that we should do so.
"And you know now that an Emperor chooses boys not just of beauty, but of good mind and noble spirit as well."
"Boys like Romulus," I agreed.
"Boys like Romulus indeed. Now, an Emperor is a man like any other, and all men have a preference as to the age of boys they find most attractive, so when an Emperor selects a boy for his favourite it will be for a short time only. If his preference is, like mine, for boys between the ages of fourteen and sixteen, a boy he selected at fourteen will give him little delight when he is seventeen."
I nodded, understanding this, but was so at ease now that I teased again. "In a year's time," I grinned, "I may have need of a loincloth for lessons."
"In a year's time I may wish you attended lessons not only without a loincloth, but without a tunic as well," Menedus teased me.
"And should you ask that favour of me I will grant it," I said, teasing less, "Though I fear our concentration may not be upon the lesson."
"And you feared, not long ago, that you may be a boy with unnatural tastes," Menedus smiled, skilfully turning me from continuing to flirt with him.
"To Emperors and boys," I said, accepting that our little dalliance was over.
"So we agree that a man will take his greatest pleasure in a boy for a period of around two years," Menedus returned to the subject.
"In his body, yes," I agreed, "But may he still not take pleasure in his company, even if not in his bed?"
"Indeed he should," Menedus agreed, "For if he did not, then would it not mean he had chosen that boy for his body alone and not for the boy himself?"
"Indeed it would," I agreed with Menedus again, "But would it not also mean that the man would desire a new boy for his bed, replace the one now too old for his pleasure?"
"Just so," Menedus said, "But would it not be a waste of the boy who was to be replaced? Has he nothing but his flesh to offer?"
I thought deeply, for I knew this was not an idle question. "The Emperor chose Romulus," I said, thinking as I said it, "Because he is a boy of great beauty and would give enormous pleasure to any man lucky enough to have him as his favourite, but he is a boy of noble spirit and intellect as well. To cast him aside would, indeed, be a waste."
"And the boy Romulus replaced?"
"He too would have beauty, spirit and intellect," I said, "As would the one replaced by him."
"Now you begin to understand," Menedus complimented me, "And our laws are made so that no waste is made of those boys. A favourite is chosen and holds his place for four years, not just for the two that the Emperor desires his body for. When his replacement is chosen he remains still a favourite of the Emperor, and though the Emperor may seek favours from him less often, he shares still the Emperor's bed."
"How can that be?" I protested, "The new boy, what of him?"
"He too shares that bed," and when my face showed that I did not understand, Menedus explained more. "Old and new favourites share the bed with the Emperor. It is the final test for the old favourite. If he shows jealousy, anger at being replaced, then he shows he is not fit for one of the highest offices, is not fit to rule in any way for he will not uphold our laws and customs but seek to change then to suit his needs and desires. If he passes that test he will be given a position from where he can rise to great importance, a position, perhaps, like Librarian of the Empire."
My eyes widened with shock when I understood Menedus' words. "You mean Claudius was once a favourite of the Emperor?" I gasped.
"One of the first," Menedus enlightened me, "The Emperor has ruled for thirty five years, and Claudius is now fifty."
"He passed the final test," I said, slowly beginning to understand.
"And he has served the Empire well. He will be amongst those who select the next Emperor."
"Those who pass the test, those who then rise to the top, will, when the time comes, meet and elect from amongst themselves the next Emperor. That way we know the Empire will always have a wise leader, a man of integrity, a man who will keep our laws and customs safe. The present Emperor had his origins in a village in a far corner of the Empire, much the same as you."
"So any boy, a boy from anywhere in the Empire, could one day be Emperor? He need not be of noble birth?"
"Just so. And few of those you call of noble birth ha d fathers who were themselves of such origin. They rose to be noble because they deserved to be."
I spent many hours thinking on what I had learned, and thought again about myself. Perhaps, I thought, I had shown signs of unnatural behaviour, not in refusing requests for the favour of using me from behind, that, I was convinced, was a special favour, not to be given freely as it had been when I was a boy of ten and knew no better, but to be kept and reserved for when the giving of it would, indeed, be special, but in not seeking favours from others now that Romulus was with the Emperor.
It was with a much lighter heart that I went next to training and sports, my eyes searching for boys I would find attractive. I made no secret that I was searching for boys to seek favours from, and, as is proper, I looked only amongst those younger than myself. I began to appreciate the beauty of boys of ten and eleven years of age, to wonder how it would be to have their hands and even mouths upon and around my rod, and resolved to begin to request favours from them.
None now called me cock-hater, and the younger boys, aware of my interest in them, began to show that any request for favour from me would not be quickly rejected. So it was that, two days before my thirteenth birthday, I expelled seed for the first time, and expelled it into the mouth of a dark-haired beauty of ten years, a wondrous moment in my life.
No longer did I have to use my hand night and morning, boys sought me out at training every day and by the day of my birth I had seeded in the mouths of four more boys, to my delight and, from the way the boys behaved, to theirs as well.
For my birthday the noble Claudius gave a feast, and to my utter delight, the Emperor gave permission for Romulus to attend. Claudius had invited all the boys of the Household and I cared not that all were there in the atrium when Romulus arrived. I rushed at him, all manners forgotten, grasped him, hugged him and kissed him and, once more, his mouth opened and our tongues clashed.
At first we did not hear the noise that ensued, but as our joy in meeting was shared by our mouths we began to hear a sound like the roaring of a crowd, and when our lips parted and we looked around we saw all the boys of the Household jumping, cheering and clapping at seeing two boys so obviously in love.
Caring nothing for manners and proper behaviour, I begged leave from Claudius to absent myself for a short while, and his consent given. I dragged Romulus away, dragged him to my room, and, contrary to all good behaviour, begged him to take me from behind there and then.
As always now, I wore no loincloth, nothing to obstruct his access to my rear, but Romulus had grown since last I saw him and I feared his rod too big now to enter me without aid. He told me not to fear, and positioned me but then did something I had never heard of – he used his mouth upon me there, his tongue probing and easing me open. I know not if the noises I made then were heard in the atrium, but it was the most exquisite pleasure I had ever felt, and when I enquired from Romulus when all was done, where had he discovered it from. He told me that it was from the boy of eighteen he shared the Emperor's bed with and, at times, from the Emperor himself.
With me wet and begging to be entered, Romulus went into me, stretching me as I had never been stretched before, and riding me until he seeded. I swear I was the happiest boy of thirteen years in the whole of the Empire when he seeded.
We composed ourselves, dowsed our faces in water to cool our passion and returned to the atrium, but despite our efforts none there were in any doubt as to what had transpired. I overheard two of the older boys whispering together, "So now we know why he refuses all that favour," the other replying, "Would not you so do if you had lost a lover like Romulus?" "I think I could not bear any other to enter me there," the first agreed and both whispered more before coming to where I stood with Romulus and saying, "None in the Household will ever request that favour again, Aristides, but if you can bring yourself to accept the begging of your hands and mouth, we would feel most honoured."
"I will not permit that," Romulus said with a huge smile, "Unless you beg a kiss from him as well. No boy who kisses as does Aristides should be allowed to forget how to do it."
All laughed happily, my reputation and my honour completely restored and all because of Romulus, the boy I loved as I could never love another.
At food I found again a chance to be alone with Romulus, not for pleasure this time but for talk. I asked him how he liked being the Emperor's favourite and he said he liked it well. Then he told me that the Emperor, now a man of sixty five years, was not as active in the taking of favours as he once had been, but found much enjoyment in observing Romulus and Paulus, the boy of eighteen he shared the Emperor's bed with, have pleasure together.
"I found it ......... unusual at first," he said, "But soon I came to enjoy it much. There is a strange pleasure in being observed while doing those things," he said; "I know not if it comes within the bounds of propriety or no, but as Paulus and I enjoy it and the Emperor takes pleasure in it, I think it cannot be wrong. It is the duty of a boy to give pleasure to a man, is it not, what matter if that pleasure comes from having a favour granted or watching whilst it is granted elsewhere?"
I shared not that knowledge with anyone, but soon after, and at that party, I discovered a new pleasure for myself. Romulus had left, he had duties elsewhere and all knew where, and one of the older boys approached me. It was not the best of times for I had just got round to requesting a favour from a very pretty boy, and the boy was on the verge of granting it, when the older boy, about fifteen I believe, said shyly to me that he had never kissed and would like to learn how to do it.
I gestured at the pretty ten year old boy beside me and said that he was about to grant me the favour of his mouth which embarrassed the older boy for choosing such a bad moment for his request. The situation was saved by the pretty young boy giggling that he wouldn't mind at all granting me the favour of his mouth while I kissed the other boy. This we did, the older boy having no idea how to kiss but very willing to learn, the pretty young one with little skill with his mouth but very eager to please.
It was, in all, a very pleasant experience seeding in a young mouth while my tongue was inside the mouth of an older one.
When he had swallowed what little I was able to produce, the pretty boy whispered in my ear, blushing furiously as he did so.
"You most certainly cannot do so," I told him, "It would not be within the bounds of what it is right to do." I held him close with my arm around him and whispered to the older boy, "Should you also wish to request the favour of his mouth while we kiss again, I believe he will grant your wish."
He gave a huge grin; boys of fifteen do not usually request favours from those of ten; there are no rules against it but it is normal for the gap in ages to be no more than two years. He fumbled his loincloth open and the little boy went down on his largest rod yet while we kissed again until the pretty boy had a much bigger offering than I had been able to give him, to swallow.
It was a most pleasant party, enjoyed by all, the boys of the Household, excited by what they had seen and encouraged by Claudius to join together in whatever manner they saw fit, and in whatever numbers as well, indulged themselves with a freedom and liberty they had not before done.
In my lesson the day following, Menedus enquired if I still had worries about being unnatural, and, aware that he and Claudius had observed my behaviour at the party, I grinned openly and said that all such worries were now gone from my mind. I did, however, have one concern and that I voiced to him.
In the short time that I had now been asking for favours instead of always being the one asked, I had discovered a particular liking for the youngest boys in the Household. This I knew was in no way unnatural, but I was concerned if such a preference may infringe on what was regarded as proper behaviour.
Menedus, as always, turned my question into a lesson and began by asking me a question in return.
"Do the boys from whom you request these favours in any way object to the request being made?"
They did not I told him, even the boys who declined my request, and so far there had been but one, had not been offended by the making of the request.
"And do the boys of your age and older appear to disapprove of you making such requests?" he asked.
"They appear not so," I told him.
"And the trainers at your exercise?"
They had shown no concerns, I said, for none I had seen or heard.
"Then none have you offended," Menedus stated, "And that is as it should be, for it is not in any way improper or contrary to mannered behaviour for any to request favours from boys of that age. It would be greatly improper and ill-mannered were an older boy or a man, one that possessed a rod larger than a boy of your age, to make request to use such a boy from behind and not take proper care with his entry should that request be granted, for it is a rule of behaviour that whatever pleasure it is that a boy gives, he should receive pleasure in equal amount from the granting of his favour."
This I knew and understood, for it was a rule repeated much by the tutors in the Household, and one that all boys there, as far as I knew, took great pains to ensure was upheld, especially when enjoying the third favour of a boy.
"Your asking that question," Menedus concluded, "Is indeed most timely, "For now you are thirteen and are a boy marked for, if not the highest position in the land to which a boy can aspire, then most certainly one not far below that, it is time for the next stage in your education in the ways and minds of men, and the manners in which the society of the Empire remains always as congenial to its citizens as it is at present."
That stage of my education began the following morning.