Date: Mon, 08 Oct 2001 09:31:07 +0000 From: Darren Talbot Subject: gay male/ adult youth/ the library chapter thirteen The Library chapter 13 *all cautions regarding the legality of this story and the fictionality of it's content are applicable. ____________________________________ I sat down hard on the couch. The mugs of tea still steaming on the table, my hand was filled with a scotch glass. The amber liquid moving violently with my sudden motion. What was I doing? My hand on my forehead, rubbing. Sip. I loved Josh, and there was no question of that in my mind. But his father had violated his boundaries in a such a horrible way. Had used him for money and for sexual gratification. And sure, I wasn't doing that, but I was violating those boundaries. And still, that ages old war in my head: to be gay, that's one thing, but this? This is quite another. Sip. I looked from the couch to the bedroom, where I could just see the blanket outlining his foot. He was finally sleeping deeply. I wondered what his bed at home looked like. What his home looked like. How he slept after his father did those things to him. Sip. I set the glass down hard. I stood up and went to the bedroom, closing the door. Then to the stand where the telephone was. I picked up the telephone and the phonebook, already flipping pages. Taylor, Rigman. There was the phone number and address. They told me that there was a computer program out that could give you driving instructions and a map of how to get to an address if you punched it in. I didn't have a computer, though. Had never owned one. When I had bought a laptop, it disappeared from the car. Ron said he'd been mugged, but I knew what had happened. I went to the telephone stand and got the Post-It note pad. I wrote the name, the address and the telephone number. My watch reported there was still some time. My mind began to try to picture Christopher. He would obviously be a very handsome boy, like his brother. Probably just as withdrawn and quiet. Shy. I wondered if the father had touched them both, and Josh just didn't know it, yet. When the telephone rang, I jumped. I walked back over to the phone, tearing off the sheet and attaching it to the wall near the table. Picking up the phone, "Hello?" "Hi." I froze. Ron. "Look, please don't hang up, okay?" Came the voice. I didn't. "I've missed you. God, I've missed you so bad." It said. I didn't. "Please say something." "Like what?" I asked, closing my eyes. Knowing he'd already won: we were talking. "You been drinking. I can tell. Scotch, I know." He said. I sat down hard, again. He knew. He always knew. "What's a matter?" He asked. I wouldn't tell him. I wouldn't tell him. I wouldn't..."Helping out a friend in trouble." Shit. "Still a raging codependant, huh?" He asked and laughed a little under his breath. I was furious that he would say that, after all I did for him. I wanted to hang up. I didn't. "What do you want, Ron." was all the dignity that I could manage. A statement, not a question. "To see you. I'm here in town and I want to come by." The world went on pause, just then. Complete slow motion. I remembered his tight body against me. Sunday mornings, waking up and cuddling, watching it rain outside the window. Watching him sleep. The one time he tried to fix me breakfast and failed horribly. We laughed. Those had been the early days. Before. "Come on, Daniel." He said. Hearing him say my name was flashes of him, in my ear talking dirty. Saying things that were so horrible and dripping with evil, but fascinating to my mind, and explosive to my cock. I was already rock hard. "N...No." Was all I could manage. Sip. "Daniel. You know you miss me." Him over my hips, pumping away. His eyes closed, his head tilted up as though he were listening to god and fucking his word into me again and again and again. The sound of the mattress being pounded into oblivion by his twenty eight inch waist and hips. His tight chest under my fingertips. "No." I managed again, and gulped Scotch down. I wanted another glass to ward him off, but I would be driving and I was already getting a little sloppy. "Daniel. I want you." Him straddling my chest, fucking my face while I was tied up, helpless to stop him from doing whatever he wanted. He was putting it too deep and I couldn't breathe but that was part of it. I couldn't stop him. He was killing me, fucking my face. Flash of my face covered in his cum and him kissing me. Us laughing as we kissed. That was then. A million million years ago. "Goodbye, Ron." I said, and he started to say something else as I hit the power button, then turned the ringer off. I slammed the phone down. My cock was raging against my fly. All it had taken was remembering that Josh was in there, in that bed. Thinking about what he'd been through. And thinking about what I was doing to him, even though I loved him. What I should do if I really did mean that I loved him. Inhale. Exhale heavy. I picked up the phone and hit the memory button. Then the number one. I'd had the phone number. I had always had the phone number. I'd never dialed it. Somehow, having the power to dial it at any point and not doing it had convinced me that I wasn't a coward. That I wasn't weak. I had always known that was a lie. It rang. What would happen? Would he even remember? Ring again. What would I do if he didn't? Ring again. How would I- "Hello?" Her voice. Frozen, I couldn't speak. I hit the power button. I couldn't do it. Not even for Josh's sake. It was the only thing I could think of, but I couldn't do it. The bedroom door opened and Josh came out, hair messed up. As he walked to the couch, groggy, the answering machine kicked on. "Umm...hi. I was just called from this number and I have no idea who this is. If this is an emergency, then I would hope that you call back. But if you're looking to have a book appraised, you need to call this number," She said, and when she was done giving it, "Thank you and blessings to you." Josh sat down hard, laying his head on my lap. I stroked the hair away from his forehead, my fingers tangling in it's raven feather glistening. His eyes closed. His mouth, curved. "Who was that?" Josh asked. "Nobody, " I said, thinking just how close I'd come to being a hero, to doing what was right, and then backed away, "Nobody." I repeated. He sighed, and settled in against me. _____________________________________ *end chapter thirteen More to come! *questions and comments are always welcome!