Date: Mon, 24 Sep 2001 23:56:58 +0000
From: Darren Talbot <davidtalbot50@hotmail.com>
Subject: the library, chapter six

the library
chapter 6

*this chapter is dedicated to all of the authors and readers here at the
archive for making me feel very welcome here.

*all the standard cautionary notes apply here regarding laws and the
fictionality of the content of this story.

_________________________

Mort was sitting before me. As he was when I met him, thin and pale, tall
and dark haired.  His glasses always scratched. His goatee slightly
ruffled. He never looked to me his actual age. Mort told me just before he
left, on that August day, that he was thirty nine, but to me he looked much
younger. He looked perfect. There was no back on the stool at his shop, so
I had to lean forward on the counter. He sat in the same pose, our faces
close together.  My hands had "accidentally" drifted forward and were
touching his arm. He allowed it, as he always did.

"Daniel, libraries have always been a part of being human," he was saying,
"the passing on of information is what we do. We don't have tails with
stingers or tough skin, we're not very fast or strong, but we can pass
along where to find food to others of our tribe, and we can use language to
work cooperatively to get that food."

In the depths of the dream, I stepped outside of myself, and thought that I
must've nodded off. I remembered this lecture. This was just before he lent
a copy of Charles Darwin's "On the Origin of the Species by Means of
Natural Selection" to me. I had treasured that book above all because he
did. He had made me swear all manner of oaths before even handing it to me
to look at.

"There was a library in the city of Alexandria...you know where Alexandria
is?" He paused.

I was suddenly in a panic: an opportunity to show off how much I knew, and
I had no idea. My heart raced. My eyes rolled back and forth desperately
attemtping to find the answer, but to no avail.

"It's okay, Daniel, " he said, and then he reached out his hand and put it
over my wrist, the most delicate touch in the world. I began shaking and
couldn't take my eyes off of it.

"Alexandria was located in the north of Egypt. This library was founded by
a king named Ptolemy the first, and it was said to contain copies of
everything that was then known in the ancient world. Handwritten copies of
works by Plato, Sophocles..." He said, and drifted off,looking at the
ceiling, his hand still on my wrist.

"But, as is the way with humans," he said, looking back down at me and
patting my wrist, "It was sacked, and the contents burned."

I was torn. I was saddened greatly because he was sad, but I was elated and
in a state of ecstacy because he was touching me. This was the first time
he'd ever touched me. Even in a dream, I remember how powerful a moment
that was for me.

"Daniel," he said to me, shaking my wrist, "Daniel?" He kept saying,
shaking my wrist lightly. I became confused, because I couldn't remember
him ever having done that.

"Daniel." He said one last time as I floated to the surface, it was Josh's
face, not Mort's that was infront of me. He was smiling at the corners of
his mouth, and his hand was on my wrist, precisely where Mort's had been.

"Ah. Must've dozed off." I said, rubbing my eyes. I was laying on my back
on the floor, one arm tucked up under my back, the other on my chest in a
sort of human pretzel. My mouth was dry and my skin was hot and prickly.

"Yeah, must have." he said, as I sat up.

I was running my hand through my hair and dimly wondering what time it was
when he asked "Who's Mort?"

I smiled just at the mention of the name. Then my stomach
rumbled. Normally, I'd have known when noon approached because the street
outside the window would have become very active, but I hadn't been at my
desk as I normally would have. I grabbed my pants and pulled them to me,
rummaging in the pocket for my watch. It was quarter to eleven. I must've
been asleep for nearly an hour, maybe more.

Just then, his tummy rumbled, too.

"Ah, I see you have the same Idea I do. How about we get some clothes on
and go get some food. I'm buyin." I said, touching his exquisitely thin
thigh.

He smiled and started putting his socks on. His long, graceful toes, his
tiny, feminine ankle. I just watched him do that. I'd never realized I had
a foot fettish, before that moment, as my tortured cock started to stand
itself again. He saw this, stopped and giggled. I couldn't help but smile,
too. His laugh was like that.

"Sorry." I said, and started pulling my clothes on, too. While I was
dressing, he rolled the blanket up and stacked it neatly in the office. I
hated to see him covered up with rude clothes, again. I was just lacing up
my second sneaker when he started to shoulder his backpack.

"Why don't you go put that in the office?" I said, casually, without
looking at him.

"Nah, I'll take it, just in case." He said.

"In case what?" I asked, now looking up at him. Standing there with his
pack and his clothes, he looked like a character at the beginning of some
novel. Like some boy about to set out on a journey of a million miles.

"I dunno." He said, looking away.

I stood, taking his little shoulders in my palms, "In case what?" I asked
again.

He said nothing for a full minute, and then "In case you decide you don't
want me coming back here ever again." His eyes were still on the floor.

I took his chin in hand and lifted his face to me, "Like the others?" I
asked, and he simply nodded.

"Josh, I never want to be without you again." I said.

His face lit like a thousand suns in that instant, then fell again, "What
about my dad?" He asked.

"I dunno, yet. We'll figure something out. But I never want to be without
you another second of my life," I said, pausing. I knew what had to come
next. I picked him up suddenly and carried him to the chair in my office,
lowering him into it, and setting his backpack on the desk. I then got down
on one knee infront of him and took his right hand in my hands.

"Josh, I want you to be my boy forever. To be with me always. I have never
loved another as I love you. I feel like I wasn't even alive before
today. I know who I am, now. I know what life I want to lead, and it's a
life shared with you." I said. He started crying uncontrollably, his hand
gripping my hands for dear life.

Wracked by sobs, he hitched out "Do...d...do you mean it? Always? Don't
fuck around here, Daniel, please don't fuck with me."

"I love you, Josh....I don't even know your last name, but it doesn't
matter, because I want it to be mine. Josh, will you be my boy forever?" I
asked.

He flew into my arms and I was knocked backwards, onto my back. His face
smothered in my chest, all I heard was muffled "Yes, yes, yes". He pulled
his head away from me for a moment, long enough to kiss me, his lips
covered in his salty tears. Again, our waters mingled in our mouths.

At last, though, I had to sit us both up and pull away. My stomach simply
wasn't going to let me ignore it any longer. I pulled out my old class ring
that I always kept in my pocket and without a word, slipped it onto his
thumb, the only one of his fingers big enough to hold it. He hugged into me
again.

"Josh...Josh, " I laughed, "We have lots and lots of time to share,
now...but I need food, badly. Let an old man up, huh?" I said.

He pulled away, his face still alight. His crying stopped, now, he stood
and held out a hand, my ring almost slipping off of his finger. I kissed
his hand, then, holding it in my own, I stood up. His eyes seemed to search
for the backpack, but then stopped, and looked back at me.

"So," I said, leading him out of the office toward the door, "Italian?
Mexican?" I asked. It seemed so trivial after all that had happened, but in
a way, I liked it. The feeling of something permanent, now. Something
lasting. And there were questions, lots of them, but time to deal with
them.

"Umm...Italian is fine." He said.

Three doors down there was a resteraunt that served Italian food. I went
there quite a bit, so they just let me walk in, and take my table, in the
back. I also grabbed a pitcher of Iced Tea on the way, setting it on the
table, and pouring myself a glass, "Tea?" I asked Josh.

"Umm...coke?" he replied.

"Done. MARY!," I yelled.

A woman's face popped out from behind a door with a circular window in
it. She was large boned, and homely, but in that way that endears someone
to you immediately.

"What?!" She said, abruptly.

"Coke." I said.

She came out, revealing her large frame. I looked back over at Josh, who
wasn't paying any attention. His entire being seemed focused on that
ring. He looked lost, like a boy in a chair far too big for him. Little did
he know that it actually fit just right.

Mary came over and set the tall glass down infront of Josh, "Well, innit a
lil' early to be out to lunch, already?" she asked, ribbing at me.

"Surprise visit, " I said, nodding my head in Josh's direction, "Nephew
from out of town." I said, under the table putting my hand on his leg. She
turned and walked away.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"For what?" Josh asked, turning from the ring to me.

"For having to lie about you. Some people just won't understand, Josh. I
just wanted you to know that I'm not ashamed of you."

"I know you're not, Daniel. And I know all about keeping peoples noses out
of personal business." He replied, putting his hand on mine, "But what are
we gonna do?"

"About?" I asked. I already knew, but I wanted to know what he considered
important for now.

"My dad, for one. The others for two. School...I dunno. Lots of stuff, " He
said, then, of a sudden, "is Mort your boyfriend?"

I was caught offgaurd completely. With him already knowing so much about
me, I had assumed that he already knew that I was single. That he already
know who Mort was.

"No, sweety, no. When I was about your age, Mort owned the bookstore just
up the street from my house. He was very, very important to me."

"Oh. Were you his boy?" He asked, his face sincere and searching.

"No. I won't lie, I desperately wanted to be, but I don't think he
was...well, what I am." To be gay was one thing, but this? I didn't even
know what this was called. I just knew that it was taboo. I felt it,
though, that this was an old kind of love, something ancient, though
secret. After all, it would be naive to think that we, in the twentieth
century, had invented anything truly new, especially with regards to love
and it's forms.

Mary came back and we ordered, then sat, just holding hands under the
table. Before eating, he layed his napkin on his lap, and I was caught off
gaurd, again. It seemed such a simple gesture, so natural for some, but it
captivated me.  He inhaled his food, and I felt a pang of guilt. More than
just normaly adolescent boy gusto, it seemed almost desperate. Like he
hadn't eaten in awhile. I just watched him eat. When he was done, and I had
finished, I payed Mary, leaving a big tip for her, as usual.

We walked out the door, "Can we just walk and talk, some?" He said.

"Sure," I responded, and we turned up the street. It's a small town on the
coast I live in, famous for it's little shops and atmosphere. Being a
Monday, and Lunch time, it was dead. What we would call a rush here, most
others would call Sunday morning in a church town.

He stopped after we'd gone about a block, and turned to me. I could see
something grave on his face. His hands in his pockets, his shoulders
slumped.

"What is it?" I asked, alarmed.

"Why do you love me?" He asked.

My mind raced, "What?"

"We just really met this morning. I have been in love with you for so long
now, but you just met me. If I'm going to be your boy forever, then I have
to know that you really are in love with me. No fucking around. Other guys
have said it and then left." He said, looking away up the street.

Again, I took his shoulders in my hands, "Josh, I wasn't alive until this
morning. I've been with some guys, and thought I loved them, but never
anything like this. Never. I know I don't know much about you, but there's
time for that. When we met, we connected. You felt it just as much as I
did."

He looked back at me, then quickly down at the ground, "Do you want me to
come live with you?" He asked.

"Of course I do, if you want to. I dunno how we'd work that, but.."

He cut me off, quickly, shaking free of my hands, "Then we can't...I can't
be your boy...I'm sorry..."

I was lost and instantly devastated. He was already backing away from me.

"Josh, I don't understand...what's going on?"

"I can't. I can't just leave him. I'm sorry. I have to go." He said, and
sprinted off.

___________________________________

End chapter 6
but more to come!

*questions and comments are welcome