Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2011 08:15:29 +0100 From: A.K. Subject: The Mercenary and the Friar 13/14 (Adult Youth) ---------------------------- THE MERCENARY AND THE FRIAR By Andrej Koymasky © 2010 Written on January 20th, 2003 Translated by the Author English text kindly revised by Ed, a reader ----------------------------- USUAL DISCLAIMER "THE MERCENARY AND THE FRIAR" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest. ----------------------------- THIRTEEN - A decision of life Augustin was finally able to lie down on his bed. He was feeling worn out, not so much from the physical tiredness, that was there anyway, but from the psychological stress he underwent that day. As he was expecting, and hoping, Neil came into his little room. The man sat on the edge of the bed, and took a boy's hand between his hands. "How are you, Augustin? How do you feel?" "Bad, but it will pass." "You saved my life... You, who always refused this kind of life, who always refused war, violence, weapons, you did this for me... and I see how much it has cost you. Why? Why did you? It's me who chose this life, not you. You risked your life, trampled on your values... only to rescue me. Why? Why did you?" "Because I couldn't let you be killed. I simply could not." "But why, Augustin? Give me a good reason. One day you told me that you preferred being killed than to kill... And I know you were totally sincere. I can't understand..." "I couldn't let you to be killed..." the boy weakly repeated. "Why?" the man insisted. "Because... because I love you, Neil. My mind commands me not to kill, my heart commands me to not let you be killed... and my heart, my love, got the winning hand. Possibly mine has been only a selfish gesture, not of altruism and certainly not of heroism... but... I killed. I would do it again, I think... but I killed. I cut short two, three, four lives to save that of the man I love. But they too, were certainly loved by somebody. Somebody who could not be there to protect them." "You love me, Augustin? You love me... one who kills for money? One so unfathomably distant from your world, from your values? You risked your life for one like me?" "You should not say 'one like me', you should not despise yourself in that way." "But it is you who are bringing me to this, to despise myself, the life I chose." "I? No, Neil. It is possibly your heart, but not me..." "But it is you who opened my heart, who has been able to find its key, that I had thrown away after having shut it with four turns. Augustin, how can you tell me you love me?" "Don't you believe me?" "How could I not believe you, after what you did? I saw your love, I saw it with these eyes. You were more determined than a lioness hurling herself to defend her cubs. And in you there was not the ferocity that at times I see in my comrades when they hurl themselves against the enemies we are paid to fight, and neither the coldness that there is in the eyes of some others of my mates, and possibly also in mine. No, in your eyes I read only one thing... the love that you have for me, and that you finally confessed me." "I was not even conscious I was in love with you... up to that moment." "I neither was conscious of being in love with you, in spite of all. But now I am aware..." "And...?" "And now I know, now that my heart is no more of stone, no more of ice, that I love you also." "Because I took a weapon in my hands and I killed? This makes me closer, more similar to you?" "No... because it is that now I feel closer, more similar to you. Because, you see, I killed only for money and indifferently, you killed for love." "Anyway... I killed. I killed my brothers who certainly loved, who certainly were loved. I killed them without thinking about it twice." "And you feel remorse..." "Surely not happiness! Even though, selfishly, I'm glad that you are still here, near me, alive." "At times life puts us difficult choices in front of us." "I didn't choose, I acted." "But if you had had the time to make a choice?" "I possibly would have looked for another way to not let you die..." "But there was no time to look for it, to find it." "I know. But I'm not happy having cut short those lives, and not even indifferent." "I can see it, I can feel it. But you should not feel guilty..." Augustin closed his eyes. He needed peace, to put order to his thoughts and his emotions. But he was now sharply conscious of one thing - he really loved Neil; he was deeply in love with him. Slowly a sentence made its way in the confusion of his mind. Neil said him, "I neither was conscious of being in love with you..." He opened his eyes, looked at Neil and with a hint of question and wonder in his voice, asked, "You really love me too, Neil?" The mercenary solemnly nodded. Then said, in a very low tone, with slow but not hesitating words, "And, believe me, if what you did today to save my life, to save me, did upset you, discovering that I love you has upset my life equally. Yes, upset, because I now feel that I should put all of it again to discussion. Your gesture has had a greater power than any explosive charge, but, I believe, it attracts us, instead of moving us away. Do you see, Augustin, at this point I still don't know who I am, who I will be... but I know, I feel that I am no longer the one I was." "I also, possibly don't know any more who I am either,Ó said Augustin, Òbut this could be something good, can't it? Because if we love each other, we can at least try to build a new life, a life that is no more only mine or only yours as it has been up to now, after all, but ours." "Do you really want to try to build a life? With me?" "Didn't we already start, even though we weren't yet aware, from that moment when we met? From the first moment when I tried to follow you, from the moment when you didn't send me away?" "Yes, it could be so. And also from the moment when I told myself that you were entering too much into my blood..." "Did you tell this to yourself?" "Yes." "When?" "The second or third day we were in your monastery." "You never told me..." "I could not... it seemed to me, then, a weakness confessing it to you." "And now?" "Now... if it's really a weakness... I can concede to myself the luxury of letting you see my weaknesses. Because I love you and know that you, too, love me." "Yes... loving each other is... to get disarmed in front of the beloved one. And this is possibly more difficult for you, who are a fighter, a soldier." "A mercenary. One who kills only for money." "I too killed." "For love." "Killing is killing in any way." "Yes and no. Stealing to get rich is wicked. Stealing not to starve is legitimate. Both are stealing, theoretically the same. But only the first one is evil, not the second." "Embrace me, Neil, I need to feel loved, to feel it also with my body... I'm not asking you to make love with me, in this moment, but only to make me feel, also physically, that you are here..." "Of course I am here, Augustin. And I want to be here for you always, from now on." Neil lay on the bed near the boy and took him in his arms and with his legs also, wrapped and held him, and they stayed so, in silence, still, simply but deeply enjoying the warmth of their closeness. Their troubled souls relaxed in a gilded, sweet and regenerating calm. Both needing to heal the wounds of their souls, the recent ones of the boy and the ancient ones of the man, Each of them being, unconsciously, doctor and medicament for the other. The morning after, suspending the work to repair the damage due to the battle, the mercenaries buried their dead comrades. The captain gave an order to bury the dead rebels found inside and outside of the corral. They were buried in another section, outside the corral, and not in a common grave as some of the mercenaries wanted, but each individually. Augustin, in his heart, felt grateful to him for this gesture of humanity towards the enemy. That battle began a transformation in another person also - in Isidro. That fleeting vision that Augustin caught of his companion and friend, remained impressed on Isidro's face. He seemed all at once matured, changed. Augustin asked himself, with some apprehension caused by the affection he had for his friend, if Isidro was not becoming like the other mercenaries. Therefore, as a friend as he was, he faced Isidro. "Ola, Isidro..." "Ola, amigo!" the boy answered him, with his usual merry and somewhat easygoing glance. "The other day, you got your baptism of fire, as they call it here..." Augustin started, taking the subject somewhat at a distance. "I already fought before..." "But possibly... possibly not like this time..." "Possibly." "And...?" "And, what?" "How do you feel, now?" "Fine." "Do you like the mercenary's life?" Isidro looked at him, curious - he was a smart boy, therefore he understood that under the apparently trivial questions of his friend there was something else. "Even though for the moment I am one of them... I don't think I would like to carry on this life. I am not a fighter." "Oh, really? And yet the other day I would not have been able to distinguish you from one of them." "The fact that you and I are going on to talk and think in terms of we and they, doesn't that tell you anything? We two are two former friars... we are not two soldiers." "And yet... and yet I got the feeling that the experience of the rebels' attack changed you..." "Yes, it is true, I felt so too. It has been in a way to test me, showing myself that I am also able to be determined and hard, that I am able to fight." "And...?" Augustin repeated, so inviting him to go deeper in the subject. "I am able to fight. This doesn't mean that I like fighting. Wasn't this what you wanted to know?" "Yes..." "And that you feared?" "Also." "No, you can rest easy. I don't like fighting. It is not my life, it is not good for me. I mean... possibly to fight for an ideal would be all right, but to fight for... for a contract, no, really. I am waiting for something else from my life." "And what are you waiting for from your life?" "I still don't know; not clearly, at least. After all I am still so young, am I not?" "But one doesn't remain young for a long time, and, if one is not careful, time can slip away from his hands." "A friar, no. A Mercenary, a soldier, no. I have to still explore other ways." "And when will you start to explore them?" "As soon as the occasion arises, even though it is not saying I will go and look for it, there will be an occasion." "Do you intend to leave the corral, the mercenaries?" "Surely. Don't you?" "I cannot, for the moment. Not yet." "You cannot... because of Neil?" "Exactly so. And what about Joe, for you?" "Oh, I fit well with him, but he is not my... reason of life. He and I we are nothing more than two who fit well together and fuck well together. But life is not made only of fucks." "I'm glad hearing you say so..." Augustin said him with a smile. "Did you perhaps doubt it?" "Well, not really, even though you told me about your... list." "It is just a game, it can't be a reason of life. A nice game, nothing more. And possibly the desire to retrieve the lost time." "Lost?" "Yes, up there in the abbey." "There also... you had your sex experiences..." "But there it was not me leading the play, it was them. Here, it is me. There it was them who decided to take me in their beds, here it is me who chooses... Anyway, as I told you, it is nothing but a game. One cannot play games all life long. There is a time to play and there is a time to be serious. Anyway, about my list... do you know that I got to have Aldo in my bed also? Another certified straight man who fell on the bed of a little faggot..." "Are you specializing in Italians?" his friend asked him ironically, "First Reitano, then Severino, now also Aldo..." "I didn't realize it. But I see that you, too, take note of my conquests..." "As each time you come and boast about them to me..." "Besides the list, Augustin, I think I will stay here some more, until I feel strong enough to face the world by myself. After all, here I have a roof, food, clothes, companions... But soon or later I will make my decision and go, and face the world. For the moment I'm comfortable here. But I don't intend to put roots here, as I told you. And you?" "I will let Neil decide." "Really in love, eh?" "Really in love, I with him and he with me." "I'm happy for you, amigo. And Neil seems to be a smart man, in spite of the fact that he is a mercenary. But... I ask myself how can you two be so faithful to each other." "I don't think it is something one decides, I think it comes by itself, when there are the right conditions." "And which are these right conditions?" "It's love, isn't it?" "For now... for the moment I'd rather stay clear of it and to enjoy life." "Provided you don't refuse it..." "No, I don't refuse it. I just keep a little clear from it, as I just told you. When it will come... I will surrender." "A real soldier never surrenders..." his friend said pulling his leg. ÒAnd I am not a true soldier. Anyway, it always remains an honorable surrender." the boy joked. A few days later they had to move one of the wounded mercenaries down to the town, as his condition was worsening and Augustin understood that, with his knowledge and his equipment, he could do nothing more than he had already done. Augustin accompanied him to the army hospital neat Bogot‡. After entrusting him to the staff care, as they had to wait for the captain to finish meeting with the military authorities, Matt, the captain's driver, proposed that Augustin go and see the Tequendama Falls. The sight was really impressive, Augustin thought. But Matt told him that he hadn't really seen anything as long as he hadn't yet seen Niagara Falls. "Possibly someday Neil will take me to see them..." Augustin said, enjoying the sight anyway, trying to overcome the rumble of the fall with his voice. "Neil and you... you two intend to remain together, don't you?" the mercenary asked him. "Yes..." "I didn't yet decide." "What?" "You know that I like both boys and girls, don't you?" "Yes, I know." "Well, I have not yet decided with whom I would like to be, seriously, I mean. Both with a boy and with a girl there are pros and cons." "I don't think you can decide beforehand. When you will meet the right person, you would know if you want to get seriously bound to a boy or to a girl, I think." "You and Neil anyway decided to be bound to each other..." "Neil and I are both faggots, it's easier." "Don't use that word. In the States we prefer saying gay." "A label doesn't change the essence of things." "But if on the label of a good wine you write vinegar, nobody gets to drink it..." the young man retorted. "It's enough to uncork it and to savor its smell." "Not everybody feels like doing it. Therefore it's better to put the right label on the bottle, isn't it?" "Bah... possibly." At that moment, a strong earthquake tremor made them stagger. Instinctively Augustin clung on Matt, who embraced him and tried to kiss him. The boy moved his face away and parted from the mercenary. "I am with Neil..." the boy justified himself, looking straight in his eyes. Matt smiled, as to apologize, "I know, but... it just came spontaneously... when I had you in my arms." "I just did it because the earthquake caught me unawares." "I know." "I stay with Neil!" the boy repeated. "Are you pissed off with me?" Matt asked him. "Not, if you don't try again." "Got the message. Anyway Neil is lucky to have you. Many of us think so, did you know that?" "I too am lucky being with him." The time to go and fetch the captain came, then the three together went back up to the corral. They got there just before supper time. After the meal, Neil and Augustin went out for a short walk together. "Matt told me he tried to kiss you, when you were in Bogot‡... and apologized to me." the man said. "It was not totally his fault, I ended in his arms when I felt the earthquake." "Yes, he told me. I want to take you away from here..." "Are you jealous?" "No, it is not that. I trust you completely. The fact is that this is not the right life for you. And possibly, not even for me." "Did you think well about it?" "Yes, and not only today, waiting you came back. I intend to talk with the captain about it, to cut short the contract." "And so renouncing the final bonus?" "I have enough savings, in the States." "But I... how can I enter the States? You are a citizen, I am not. And I don't think it would be easy to get a visa, and even less likely a green card. And what can we do, there? You told me that you are only able to fight, I can manage to be a nurse but I don't even have a certificate. And besides that, I'm not able to do anything else." "You told me you liked to study, didn't you?" "Yes, but..." "I can pay for your studies, support you until you graduate. If you are willing to accept being supported by me, at least for the needed years..." "And you, meanwhile?" "Possibly... I possibly could also start to study again, who knows? Something that afterwards can allow us to find a job. What would you like to become?" "A writer!" the boy said without the least hesitation. "And I, a physician, instead." "A physician? They have long and difficult studies. Why a physician?" "After I killed so many people... don't you think it would be right for me to try to rescue some lives, to soothe some pains?" Augustin looked at him with admiration, "Yes, you could be possibly right, it could very possibly be the right choice for you." "This cannot give back life to all those I killed. But..." "No, its' a good idea. A very good idea. You who met death face to face, could possibly be able to fight it better than others." "As a student you can get a visa quite easily. You have to first pass the English test, but you already know it rather well, you should not have difficulties. Then you have to pass the admission test to the university. In the meanwhile, I can resume my studies where I stopped them..." "All this will cost you a lot of money. Have you thought about it?" "What would all the money I saved be worth, if I don't use it? If I don't use it for a good cause? I have enough of it, don't worry. Enough for both of us." "Then, you already made your decision?" "I did; I am just waiting for you to tell me yes..." "Yes. With all my heart... my love." "Say it again..." "My love..." "It's good hearing you say it. It will possibly take me some more time, but... I, too, will learn to tell you I love you. In the mean time, never forget it - I love you, Augustin!" They embraced and kissed with passion. Then Augustin whispered, "Let's go back, Neil. Take me in my small room, I need you..." "Yes, sure. I too need you." the man answered, pushing his strong erection against him. The next day, Neil, together with Augustin, asked the captain if he could spare them a little of his time. "You and Augustin? All right. Come to my office tomorrow morning at ten o'clock, so we will have plenty of time..." the captain answered. When they showed at the captain's office, a small, spartan room full of maps and note pads, the captain had them sit on the other side of his desk, in front of him. He rested his feet on a corner of the desk, lit a cigarette, looked at the smoke rigs he let out, then at the two comrades, and said, "So, then, boys?" "Captain," Neil started, "Augustin and I decided to break the contract..." he said coming at once to the point. "I was asking myself how long it would have taken you..." the man quietly answered. "Did you expect it?" the mercenary, somewhat astounded, asked. The man nodded. "Once I told Augustin that a good captain has to be above all a good connoisseur of his men... To me it was clear that this was the path you would take. Clear for how you got together. Clear for the strong personality of Augustin. I wasn't wrong. Possibly I was just mistaken about when it would have happened. I thought it would have required you a couple more months. Evidently the guerrillas' attack to the corral speeded up the times." Augustin nodded, "You really are shrewd, captain." "Yes, I know." The man answered without boasting. "So, then. You, Augustin, doing so renounce no great thing. But you, Neil, renounce the final bonus, you know it, don't you?" "Yes, captain, I know. The contract is clear." "Did you already decide what will you do, where will you go?" "We will go to the States. And we both will start to study, in order to get university degrees. The only problem could be the visa, then the green card for Augustin. The visa, at least for some years, can be earned as a university student..." "May I ask you what kind of degree you would like to get?" the captain asked. "Literature for Augustin, as he would like to become a writer. Medicine for me." The captain nodded, "All right, men. My best wishes. When do you intend to leave?" "In a few days, captain... as soon as one of our vehicles has to go down to the city and can get us to the airport." "At least five more days... if you just would wait for a dozen days, we will get at the end of the month, and I can pay you the full month, as you gave me a... notice." Neil looked at Augustin, who nodded. "All right, captain, thank you." the mercenary said. "About Augustin's green card... it is possible I can do something. I am not certain, but... I have quite good connections at our Immigration Office. I already got their promise they will give it to Reitano and Damien, when they will have ended their contracts, as they both wish to live in the States. I can try to ask for one more for Augustin." "Would you really do it?" the boy, somewhat astounded, asked. "Of course, Augustin, and willingly. I told you I am not sure I can get it for you, but it costs me nothing to try. Good, if you have nothing else to tell me..." "Captain... " Augustin said, "I want to thank you for having listened at me that day in that village, then received, protected, and always treated me well, even now that we told you we want to leave..." "It is more possible that I, my boy, have to thank you for how you devoted yourself to our wounded and ill men..." "I just did my duty. You took me for that, and I did my best..." "You did more than simply your duty. You were the confidant, the counsellor, the support of my men. And I don't say only about when they came to confide you their secrets and their sexual problems..." The boy looked at him astounded, "How can you know these... these details, se–or?" The captain looked at him with a crafty smile in his eyes, "You don't really think I will unveil the secrets of a good captain, do you? Be content with this answer - I am a connoisseur of good men." A few days later the captain stopped Augustin who was about to go into the shower room, "Take this note, boy. When you get to the States, call this number at the Immigration Office and ask to talk with a Mr. Sean MacCowley. He is my friend, I called him. He assured me that he will get you a green card. And if he assured me so, I am certain he will do so. Just um... just don't let him know about you and Neil; although he is basically a good fellow, unhappily, he is rather homophobic... Do you understand?" "Yes, se–or, thank you, se–or." "I had to tell him some small lies... don't belie me. I told him that without you as our guide and member of our intelligence team, I would possibly not be alive... A lie, but said for a good cause..." "May I ask you a question, se–or?" "Spit it out." "A man like you... why are you so open-minded towards us gay people?" "What a man does in his bed simply doesn't concern me. What concerns me instead, and very much so, is what he does and how he does it out of his bed. Did I answer you, boy?" "Yes, se–or, thank you, se–or." ----------------------------- CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 14 ----------------------------- In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is http://andrejkoymasky.com If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English please e-mail at andrej@andrejkoymasky.com ---------------------------