Date: Sun, 19 May 2002 16:35:23 -0400 From: paul paris Subject: The Message This story comes from the imagination. It is fiction. It bares no resemblance to other stories and the names are no one that I know. It is about the attraction between a man and boys. The sexual side does not show that I believe in or think that sex between adult males with children is right. It is part of the world we live in and some of the tales told can show true love rather than anything else. You have the right to decide. Being this kind of story it may be illegal in your country to possess or read such things so do check. I have the copyright to this and all other stories I write so if you wish to use it for any reason then please do ask. It's been a while since the last story. I have been fighting yet again the cancer I was told was under control. The tale within was written while in hospital winding away the time. It's not my usual kind but illness does strange things to the human thought pattern. The Message The time machine did its thing taking me back year after year so that I might see for myself just how I had grown up. It was the life that was good. The machine was good and crated when I got to the school I was sent at the age of eleven. That was how the final composition started in the English part of my PhDs. It took me 3 months to complete the tasks I had set for myself. Slowly I had done things I never thought I could. My results were building up; they hung in the frames around the room of my small cottage. I did with some politeness write to the boarding school I was sent to, to thank them for all the help they gave me. It was not something that I liked to remember but it had happened so they did a great deal to get me where I was today. Places of education were after me. So I did good but I so much wanted more. I had come to the end of the line but I did have time to think over the offers while I sat not believing that after such a hellish time at school I would ever want to have anything to do with school again. I thing you have the basic beginning of this story. The boarding school was a fearsome place. The masters were strict and very strange to be around. I cried for three months even at the age of eleven. The older boys acted like the masters. When I left I vowed deep within my heart that I never would be like them no matter what happened. I had a small field near me and took up running whenever possible to disperse the sudden tension that the exams had caused. I did after doing them continue, becoming addicted somehow to the extra exertions that were a regular part of my adult life. One morning I decided due to the really bad weather not to run and within a few minutes of the decision a letter arrived by special delivery. I could not have run after that because the letter was from the old school requesting to see me. It took seven times for me to decline but heard myself calling them to agree to go for the week. I took a folder with all my certificates just so that I might be able to say any derogatory remarks about getting the passing grades were through my own achievements and the school had nothing to do with it. I had made it clear that the school had a bad effect on me and when I walked through the gates I never wanted to go back again. Now here I was on the phone agreeing to go for a visit, and then even agreeing to stay a week to see how the school had changed. My parents, no longer alive, always said that I was a very happy child. The mention that I had got away from the school never came up. I packed a bag taking all the ammunition I thought I would need. I guess that you all guessed I was off to war, but I can laugh at it, but the realistic part was that this was to be the action that would defeat the enemy I always had. The drive was long but I made a lot of stops when the panic within me started to rise. It was 2pm that I came face to face with the sight of the school. There were new gates at the beginning of the drive and some form of security that made me think that they were either there to keep people out of the school or the children in. My name was enough. I was told where to go. I took out my bags then was greeted by 2 boys who clearly had the job of ushering me around. I remember that we all got a chance to talk to strange visitors being that it was a relief to know someone other that the people who were confined to the school. "There is no need for you to do this boys. I am quite capable of finding my way. You will miss lessons." The boys looked at each other and the tallest with his face down whispered, "Sir we are not allowed to converse with strangers unless they are in the school." "Pip be quiet. If we get caught then we will loose our rights to watch football at the weekend." "So you are Pip and who might the smaller angry young boy be?" "Oh he is Eric." "PIP!" "Pip will you go back to my car? On the back seat is a folder that I have forgotten. Here are the keys. The green one will open the door." I stood still watching the boy run for all his worth to get the folder. Clearly the two boys were dressed to meet guests or dignitaries. Eric stood like a soldier. My case was heavy. His hand I could see opening while the weight was too much for him. "Now then Eric I will take the case. It's new so very heavy. You can take my shoulder bag for me." Pip was on his way back and if by slow motion Eric's hand opened so that I could take the case. Our hands touched very gently while I helped him hold the bag over his shoulder. Pip was almost back. We all walked through the double doors that had electric locks. I was taken to the office and taken through to see the master in charge. That's what we called him but you can tell how long ago that was because even now the word Headmaster is common to take its place. "Mr Baxter come in." "Boys you know talking is not allowed outside the house, have you anything to say?" "That is my fault headmaster. I left things in my car. We spoke briefly and the boys' helped, as I would expect from the school I attended. If blame is to be given then it is all my fault." "I see, very well. Paul if I may call you that this is Phillip and Eric. You will hear Pip called quite often, that's Phillip. He is a helper but shy with it. He is 13. Eric has come to us in the last year. He is a bit slow with studies so if we need an extra pair of hands then he is the boy. We hope this will help him with his lessons. He is 11" The boys did not move. "Boys please take Mr Baxter's things to the room prepared. One of you come back to show Mr Baxter around in about an hour. Here is the key." "Excuse me sir? May we have permission to enter your room and unpack for you?" "Yes of course. I can unpack though so do not waste time if you have lessons." The boys left "Paul, welcome back. I wrote after I saw you achievements in the educational press. We have a small problem and a person like you could help us a great deal. You have a PHD is psychology. Well the boys here all go through things like you did. When you were here you had to suffer but these days we have the ability to help the boys with people like yourself. You are an English major combined with being a good cross-country runner. We lack the basic rudiments of all three. Some teacher's substitute, but age now controls the excitement the boys need. In the week you are here I would like you to take the lower class giving a report on each boys outlook. One thing you should know is that the boys easily makes friends. The friendships can and do get closer than what normal schools allow. We, the teachers agree that some lonely boys gain from a close friendship. In the 6 years I have been headmaster the exam results have got better and better. Some boys do like to be alone so we need to understand." "Is that why you get the boys to become helpers? So they do at least feel part of the school." "You are working already I see. Yes that's correct. Each day we have a message reading in the dinner hall. I want to warn you that some messages tell the school when one boy has a friendship with another. I never bring up the word homosexuality because I think that some relationships would be destroyed. They may think its wrong. If two boys ask to have a room together I talk privately but I am no good with the real meaning. I hope you understand and will try to take that task from me. Finally some of the teachers do have a favourite child. They help them reach the levels of the others. I never bring up what the teachers do providing that you inform me so I may record it in my book. This is a copy for you to read. It's a lot to take in but I hope that after the week you will join us. I'd like to put right the horrible experience you had by getting you to become one of the teachers I can rely on to take us into the years ahead." Knock, knock. "Come in." "Sorry to bother you sir but you said to come back in an hour." "Thank you. Wait for Mr Baxter in the corridor. Paul it looks like you have made a friend. Eric never volunteers for anything. Pip is the one who shows people around. I wonder why he has made the first step for you. If you get to know then please do tell me. This could be the start of Eric becoming his own man." I closed the headmaster's door and laughed. Not to loud but loud enough for Eric to hear and see. "What's funny sir"? Walking side by side I gradually told him that I had been invited to the school being and old boy. I was asked to help for a week. "What's funny about that?" "Well I never said I would but here I am walking to my room with a boy from the school, the headmaster assuming I was going to stay." "You will stay though wont you sir?" Without thinking I ruffled the boys hair getting a wide eye look from him. "Come on sir your room is this way." Moving up the stairs, then through the corridors I remembered them as if it was yesterday. Nothing had changed except the boys' rooms. Just 2 boys to a room. No dormitories. I remember what the headmaster had said. "If a boy wanted to share with another then it would be easy to accommodate. "This is your room." It was spacious and warm. That was a positive side to it. The rooms I had before were so cold that most boys would wear two sets of clothing to bed just to keep warm. My bags were unpacked with everything folded to the regulation standard. I looked at Eric while his face went red. "You did all this Eric?" He sounded pleased that I noticed while a fearful look was clear to see. He wanted and hoped that things were all right. "Its perfect. When I was here I had a chance to help the teachers. We had a pin that we held on our tie. I still have it. Wait a second." I found the tiepin then clipped it to his tie. It was not done up correctly so I took it from him. "Watch this." I did up then undid the tie. Several time he tried till the tie was perfect. He admired his work explaining that he could never do up a tie. Well with the pin clipped to it he was almost in tears. I forced him to believe that he had taken his first lesson. The smile was worth all my certificates I had worked for. The strangest thing was that I was actually starting to feel something for Eric. No one helped me so I did not want Eric to go through the school feeling so inferior just the way I did. "I have to go sir I am going to be late for music." I waved him away. "Sir I am in room 3 if you need anything." He ran to me placing a silver button in my hand. "Merit in Music. Eric stoller." Just as he ran out Pip called in with a case full of bed linen. "Sir I got this from the laundry. I got a quilt because that's what most of the masters have. Sir that's Eric's badge you have on. He got that at the school concert. Why have you got it?" I explained about the tiepin and Eric giving me the badge. "Sir you know what that means don't you?" "Yes, it was a gesture from a friend." "Not quite Sir, some boys make friends with other boys then they, its difficult." "They say that something difficult to say is best said quickly." "They fall in love. Eric giving you that is saying how much he cares. It saddens me sir." "Oh Pip its only a badge." "Yes I know but I hoped that we could be friends. I am someone who is shy just like Eric but I have never felt my body shiver like when I was with you." "Pip I am flattered. There is a difference between friendship and love. I can be your friend." "I know sir but its Eric that has told you first how much he cares." I saw a single tear fall down Pip's face. With my thumb I wiped it away. He was not happy but the memories went through me of when I had been at the school and I was so sad I wish for one thing. I sat on the mattress taking Pip's hand. I pulled him to me then without a worry hugged him. I assumed he would feel better but instead he started to cry substantially. The tears were making my shirt very wet but he was so full of sorrow that I held him so that he could empty the sadness from inside him. When he calmed down I went to give his cheek the solitary kiss of understanding. Before I could get there he turned so that our lips came into contact for the shortest time I ever knew. "What was that for Pip?" "Sir can I trust you?" The nod was good enough. Pip closed the door then came back to me. He was wiping his eyes with his sleeve then I was stuck to the spot. Pip fumbled with his trousers till they were open. I was telling him to stop but nothing could be heard. He pushed the trousers down till he was happy enough to show the reason. Lifting his shirt I saw a large purple bruise. It reached from his hip going down half his leg. "Raymond does that to me because I am the slowest boy in the house." I held him again with every intention of insisting he dress. It was a strange sensation to hold a boy this way. I told him that things would be all right .His body got closer I was feeling that this was something that made me scared. Pip started to open his shirt. "Pip this is kind of you but I have got so much to do. You are a special friend but lets get you dressed in case someone comes in." "No one goes in a masters room without their permission, if it matters that much you can do whatever you like, even beat me like Raymond did. I was hoping that you might need a special friend. I have never been special to anyone." "Pip, you want a special friend then you have got one. When I was at this school I was given this. It's a small horse that I had pinned to my jacket collar. It was when I was made teachers helper. I was so proud." "Sir we get these now but only when we are older. They are red." "Well mine is silver. It does not mean anything but I hope it reminds you that you have a friend. Now please get dressed and its soon tea so will you help me to make my bed then I will come with you?" Together we made the bed and got ready for tea. We walked down to the large dining area with everyone wondering who the adult was that had invaded his or her life. Pip was the message reader for the day. "Paul I hope you are settled? Pip will have a hard time with this tonight. His reading like Eric and Samuel is very poor." The school had changed but the food had not. The evening stew was clearly made by Mrs Greening who I remember well. Her claim to fame was porridge that was strong enough to hold bricks in such a way that cement was poor stuff compared to her cookery. Pip took to the stage, he was very nervous. I stood up and walked to him. "Good evening to you all. I am Mr Baxter. I am here for a week to see if I like you. I do not care if you like me because like most boys when I was here I hated them all." The room rippled with a small amount of laughter. "The message reading is new and I understand that everyone has to take his turn. Well with your permission I will alternate with Pip and have a go." A few whistles were heard. "Item 1, The Art teacher Mr?" "That's Brown sir." "Good name for an Art teacher. Is having a lesson after 7pm on foliage; I think that's about trees. I guess I will leave that out. Pip! Item 2 the school won another match at football." "Who against." They shouted. "My turn, It does not matter we just won." The hall erupted with utensils banging on the tables followed by cheers. Our message reading lasted 15minutes. I left the last to Pip "Just 2 to go people. Thanks and welcome to Mr Baxter, with my help he did a good job don't you think?" Everyone clapped. "Finally Eric Stoller. He has found a friend. This warning is for everyone. Eric is very lucky so no more teasing him. There are now just a few of us lonely boys so think about treating us bad. We do no harm and kike you are just here to go to school." I stood quickly. "Just before you do go will Raymond see me after dinner." I sat to finish my coffee and was complimented on the way I helped PIP. "I see that Eric has got his friend. He is a sweet boy. Pip is also a friend so I see. The horse would have come from just one person. I will write this in my book. I will assume that you have got a friend and helpers so I will look for someone else to take their place." "Headmaster what is the worst job that a boy can be told to do?" "We keep the kitchen cleaning for that. May I ask why you asked?" I explained the reason. He was not happy but strangely pleased that Pip had the courage to tell someone. He was even more pleased that I did not object when I was shown allowing trust to be shown immediately. "Sir I am Raymond. You wanted to see me." "Yes that's right lets go for a walk. I want you to become a kitchen helper and wash the pots for the time I am here." "Sir, why what have I done?" I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of bullies. I told him what I thought about giving him the same treatment as he had Pip. The pot cleaning must be bad because he said that he would rather that to happen. The explanation was clear. He apologised to Pip and made it clear that he would place a notice on the board to show that the apology was true. I made him help in the kitchen for that night and true to his word he left a note for all to see and made a personnel face to face apology to Pip. I met all the teachers who made a conscious appreciative effort to say hello but most wanted to turn in. I got the junior's prep then the showers. My first class was very good. I am so honest when I say that boys did nothing for me. I could smile at the acorns running under 3 drops of water then shouting, "I am done." Several time I sent them back but it was a game in the end. I got to know them very quickly. It was easy to get them in bed using the old get in or you're in trouble. "Well Paul how was the first class? I will guess it was fine. If you get any problems then threaten them with a wet towel and they will move faster than you have ever seen them before." Well it was 8pm when all was quiet. I even got the chance to say goodnight to Eric and his roommate called Greg. They were on an early start for breakfasts so were eager to get to sleep. I was not sure about my next action but I gave Eric a small kiss goodnight. Greg never saw but I tucked him in to. I closed the doors and made my way to my room and found a flask of hot chocolate waiting for me. I got the book the headmaster gave me then sat back with the one thing the school was good for, Hot chocolate with extra sweet chocolate. It was almost 9pm when I was asleep. The book fell to the floor and I woke. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could tell I was not alone. I switched on the light and Pip was sitting in another chair looking at me. "What are you doing here? You should be in bed." "Do not laugh but I was hoping that I would be." I never noticed that a boy who was clean could look so different. His feet curled under him Pip sat wearing some pyjamas covered in the flags of the world. His auburn hair glowed gold "Just in case you said I could I have my pyjamas, I have my briefs but if you really want me I will not bother wearing anything. The headmaster moved me next door and told me to keep you company if that was what we both wanted." I went to get a shower hoping that he would go back to bed. When I came back he had cleared up and was standing in his slippers next to the bed. "Sir if you want me to go then I will but for the first time since I have been here I have not wanted to go home. I have heard what can happen. I always said that it would never happen to me but now I wish that if it could then I want to be with you, unless you say something I will go to bed." I never said a word. I watched Pip's face drop and he collect a small bag then walk towards the door. When he passed me I reached out to stroke his head then offer a smile but Pip was against me believing that my touch was the answer to his question. I sat on the bed with this soft shy boy holding tight as though his life depended on it. I pulled back the quilt turning off the light. No time for bed attire I left the towel and climbed in. "Pip you can stay but just for tonight." "What shall I wear?" "Anything but it's getting late so we have to get some sleep." Pip slipped under the quilt then rested against me. His pyjamas were soft but he was more interested in the small amount of hair that covered my chest. "Sir may I kiss you goodnight?" He did not need an answer. His tight hard lips contacted mine. I slipped a hand behind his neck allowing some pressure to clasp the soft flesh just above the collar of his jacket. The kiss never stopped. I gave him the hug as before. It was when he slipped on his back that our lips parted. I gave him one last kiss but the vice like hug he gave me made this more exciting. The boy was at an angle so I had to lift him up so that his head was more central on the pillow. The jacket lifted, I could feel the warm flesh. I did not expect to feel like I was but my fingers found his button. The flesh was puffed out. I was happy to stroke it then move the hand up further till the two pimples were between my thumb and finger. Pip let out a deep breath and the kissing became serious. "You can take my jacket off sir?" "Pip my name is Paul. When we are alone then call me that but not in front of the others. Now if you are sure then taking your jacket off would be very sweet." Sitting up he slipped the jacket over his head. Pip slipped his trousers down as well. "Now Paul that will save me from doing it later. I have seen boys like this before but that's as far as I know. It feel very nice doing this but I think I have a lot to learn." I turned on the light then pulled the cover back. I took the trousers and put them with his jacket. He had some red and white-stripped briefs on that had one stripe bigger and more prominent than the others. I turned the light off and started to hold him. The kisses were easy now I was even allowed to feel each tooth with my tongue. He tried the same. I held his ankle while we kissed gently stroking the leg then inner thigh. After a long sigh my tongue found his. It was like a sword fight but without the tragic ending. I do not think Pip noticed and neither did I for a while that I had a hand fully against his briefs with the ever-increasing hardness growing bigger and bigger. "Pip can we take your briefs off now?" No words just the resting boy. I was careful to lift the front over the bulge then slip them to his knees." "Paul take them off, right off." I put them under his pillow just in case a quick get away was needed. I was feeling guilty now about what I was doing. My finger ran up and down the long smooth penis. I say smooth and he was. Not a hair on his body except for the glow on his head. It was getting warm. I took the covers down and like a blind person reading Braille I followed the word pleasure. It was not long before I could feel the erection rise. I was almost able to hold it with two fingers and a thumb. I kept reassuring him that he was all right. Pip became more anxious allowing little moans of pleasure escape from within. I reached down to kiss the erection then laughed when Pip asked me not to eat it. I gave it a gentle suck feeling the small marbles slipping away from his body. His legs were wide apart when a finger touched the one place that I touched through instinct. The small hole was opening and closing like the lips of a baby. When my little finger slipped so gently inside I was aware that Pip was pushing himself hard against my lips. I moved to kiss him but I was to late. Pip had an orgasm, I was sure it was his first. Several contractions while I turned the light on. One single drip of clear liquid came from the head of his penis. I eased down till he opened his eyes. "Paul what happened?" It did not take long to explain. I suggested he dress but he wanted none of it. We covered up and fell asleep. During the night I held his bottom while giving him several more times of pleasure. The next morning Pip had gone. His pyjamas were with him. We did briefly see each other but no more was said about the night before until I found a letter. "Paul that was the best night of my life. Please do not let it be the last." The next day I felt as though I had broken all the rules of life, the school but most of all I began to think that I was in the wrong position. At breakfast the headmaster was the first to notice. "Looks like the fresh air is working already Paul? This school has for some the magic that allows the wonders of their education comes to the front. I think after just one day that you will be fine with us. You know, I can feel a different atmosphere this morning. Some boys had in their bags, easy to see, books relating to your lessons. It's been my knowledge that when a child brings his work in on time the teacher has made a very good impact." God, did I want to run. My legs shook and my head spun. I was almost going to feint. Other teachers asked at the morning meeting what happened to make the boys so eager to please. I slipped back in the chair while the headmaster loudly said what he thought; bringing my name into the conversation it seemed after every other word. I did hear "Good show young sir." As if that was not enough the other teachers voted that for the short time I was there I might take a class or two of theirs so that they could examine the new happy mannerisms the boys showed for the short time between getting up and breakfast. I was so busy with the boys at the class I started yet he openly agreed to swell my practice to 4 other classes that were flagging slightly on the work they were doing. For the moment I had the boys that took prep last night. As I entered the classroom on my desk was a pile of books. The homework, it was all complete from every boy. I made little of it so got straight into the link to the prep that covered verbs and adjectives. I did allow some reading getting the boys to find the so-called words the lesson was about. I checked the homework. It was very good with mainly spelling errors but they could be dealt with in prep. Learn the words then have a test the next day. Any other teacher who took the class would find that easy. It had to happen, Pip was fine but there was a letter inside that contained all his feeling after last night. I was reading then hearing "I know what he means." That echoed through me. It was the sort of letter that could never be shown to others yet I felt so guilty. The worst though was Eric's book. Inside was nothing. No work just the tiepin I gave him with "All lies." Written in bold letters. I looked at him but the stare was nowhere. No writing he sat their head down, I could see he was begging for the lesson to be over. When it was they collected their book, marked of course but Eric's was left upon the desk. I had an hour for the next lesson one added by the headmaster. I decided to go and see him. "I have been expecting you Paul." I looked at him. "Sir? Why? Have I done something wrong? "No not at all." I showed him the letter then explained the gift of the tiepin. "In all my years I have never seen this happen. You have a problem. I believe that both Pip and young Eric have fallen head over heals in love with you. This is not puppy love this is the real thing. I started to see that this morning when Pip was looking at you with Eric looking away. Now most teachers would say I better leave "I was." "Mr Parish on his regular nightly rounds noticed that Pip was not in his bed for quite some time last nigh. Most teachers would be thinking about leaving. " "I was." "It seems Paul that you have two boys after your affection. You are going to think this strange. We at Peterfields do not condone the actions of a boy or master becoming attracted to each other. We do in most cases encourage it as part of the learning curve. Not all the boys here will find teachers attractive but we are well aware that this does happen. My answer to all this is that you sort it out without running away. You would destroy the Childs feelings and the school would loose the excitement that a young teacher has brought to us. Now listen carefully Paul. I have asked Mr Parish to ignore when either Pip is not in his bed. Eric I expect is the one who got away. I will never repeat myself ever again." I wandered from his office in a complete blur. He never asked if that was how I felt or how I felt. The assumption was there. I came in angry, for no reason other than a lack of understanding I did have a boy in my bed. I was not like that but it happened. I think I needed to be told that I had a made a bad call in judgment. I went back to my room to tidy up before the class in Geography. It was the middle school that had my company but I was not looking forwards to it. "Good morning boys lets get out your books and begin from the prep you revised last night. " 5 homework books were missing. I was angry with myself. The boys took the lot. "The missing book were to be done with an essay by tomorrow or a week in the kitchens as punishment" Finally I had some boys who hated me. The air was hard and a misty red, well that's what I could see. It took the whole class time for me to realise that I was wrong. I asked the boys why the homework was not in on time. "Sir we were doing the school play and were given permission to do the work at prep today." I apologised. Explaining that I was still coming to terms with the schools system. When they all walked out the door I overheard, "He said sorry. No teacher had ever said sorry to us before. He is just like us, human. He is so cool." Lunch came but I was in no mood to eat. The headmaster told me that the boys could all see that I was not my normal self. "Paul come on you have to deal with this. It's no big deal. Imagine you have found a new friend. Then you know as well as I friendship can blossom into something more. You in one day have inspired the boys in this room to become hard working young men. Between you and me I bet there are more boys than you can think of that have a crush on you. This is at all different levels. They need stability and you have started that process." I took a class on science for the very young boarders. I told them that the lesson was yes or no. They wrote in their books the words that I wrote them on the blackboard. I mixed the substances together then asked the class to tell me if they were safe. Of course the smallest quantities I used were safe but very effecting if they did of course did not like one another. We had a fine time watching a miniature firework display combined with the ones that were safe. I placed some ash under my desk then mixed together the last one. A mixture of small hands rose for yes and no. Nothing happened. "It looks like that they are safe." The boys who said safe cheered. Then a great puff of green smoke heading for the open windows. I ducked rubbing ash all over my face then ruffled my hair. I stood up. The boys were in hysterics. "Now who said they were safe. Several hands were raised. I was about to speak when a giant green worm appeared from the pile rolling off the desk then under the boys desks creating many different words of praise, boys that is not a worm. After a while they all helped me clean up the classroom and the chemicals they had written down were to be learned for a test the next day. I was fond of spelling tests. The boys made enough noise for the whole school. Almost every boy was in laughter even the ones who never went to the class. The science master walked towards me. "Ah the old yes and no test." "How do you know?" "Paul you twit. Check the mirror." We cleaned the room but I had forgotten to clean me. My comment about class work was a dirty job just brought more laughter. The boys decided that the lesson they just had was the best. I had to remind them that there were many lessons to come and if they worked hard then they would enjoy every lesson, not just the one they had with me. I was back to my own class now but even though I had a great deal of fun with the smaller boys this was my class. I had them read from their reading books. Eric never opened his. Pip's smile had disappeared, the happiness was gone, and well that's what I thought. A senior boy came into the room with a letter. Eric, Pip and Gary will you please go and see the headmaster." I started to here the other boys read. I expect that people will think I am mad but it was a joy that Eric and Pip had left the class. Gary returned. "Everything alright Gary?" "Yes sir." I never saw the other two boys till we all went for tea. I have seen people at contests trying to eat baked beans with a cocktail stick one after another. Well here was I doing just the same yet the fork was my cocktail stick. "You sure got it bad Paul." Said the headmaster bringing two mugs of coffee over. One for him and one for me. I took a good drink but almost choked realising that the coffee contained something that was not on the school menu. "I have watched you in action all day. Boys drag their bags while you have been dragging your chin so all the boys can see. I have had a number ask me if you were going to leave because you were so unhappy. I spoke to Pip and Eric. Don't look so angry the teachers and boys are of great importance to me. I have never heard boys of their age express their feelings as I heard today. I offered no advice except not to rush but time heals. Bit old fashion but it helped. You are so down in the dump because something inside you became clear. I have one last thing to say, unless you can get yourself together for the boys and the school then maybe you should be leaving before the boys get any closer than they are. We have all gone through this at some time. In your days the hatred that the school ran on is gone. The boys need affection then in return they will become who they want to be. The teacher who will be going, well you are the one we hope will take his place to bring the staff up to its limit was happy and well liked. A boy actually did all he could to get him where he wanted. Poems. Beautiful letters had hidden love. Flowers and even an admission of deep love here on this very stage. That was Raymond. He changed when refused. He is a bully and we all know it. He went from loving to hurt all because the teacher could not deal with his feelings. You never told me that you were disgusted or abhorred or any other word that describes repulsion. You were hurting. Do what you have to do Paul" The coffee was good and I had a lot to think about. When it came too the messages the eldest boy from the younger class, sounds strange but you'll get it, he spoke without the need of notes. Very eloquent he mentioned about the news from the school. He even pointed out on his own behalf what chemical were no safe to mix. He spelt them correctly then added his sorrow that I was thinking of leaving. He apologised to the headmaster saying to the school that his friend Gary had been told. "Paul here is a tissue just in case the nose runs from the hot coffee." At the end there was silence, then the science teacher patted my shoulder expressing his admiration that I had managed to succeed in getting a top job done by the boys. No prep tonight I just had early night duty. Bath/showers bed that sort of thing. I had done it last night but I was in a different mood. Something very wrong had happened. No boy was allowed in any way to go into a master's room unless a master was there. On my bed was a letter against the pillow. No boys were near by and I was angry that a rule had been broken. Stupid after I thought about it. I closed the door then found a bottle of whiskey sitting with one glass. "Great job. Harry (Science)" I sat back pouring something that I did not know if it was something I liked. Glass in one hand letter in the other. The whisky was powerful but in a mug of tea would be a welcome to the cool depression. I opened the letter. "Hi Paul, I am very angry that because of what happened last night and the letter I sent this morning you are thinking of leaving. You gave me 24 hours of freedom when I could be the boy I have not been for so long. I did not know about Eric. He is my friend but if I had known then I would not have bothered you. I will loose a friend if you leave, do you know what it is like to be so alone. I know as an adult children have no rights to ask anything that will change a decision you have already made, I must try. Please stay with us. I said us so I am not being selfish. So many think that you are great. Finally Paul what we did last night, was it not suppose to happen? Did you not want me like that? I love you but do not tell any one. Pip" There was another piece of paper that had the small horse clipped to it. That was the straw that broke the camels back as they say. I was in tears. I could feel just what the headmaster was saying earlier on. Yes I did want to leave I wanted to go, now. I had an Idea. I changed to my running gear. I asked the old history teacher to start early so I could have a run. He agreed so I took to the fields. The moon showed me the way yet I knew where to run and I was sure that I could do it even blindfolded. Birds and animals home to rest scattered when I ran through their lands. I rounded the large pine to head for the oak. It was cold but I was use to running away in all weathers. Did I say running away, I meant running anyway I could. That was my release. It did not seem too bad but my stopwatch showed 55 minutes. I had run for an hour. I opened my windows and showered. I made the tea added a good splash of Whiskey but still came face to face with the letter. I sat back realising that running away would not bring the past days feeling into some sort of order. I did the check before going to bed, listening to the orchestra of snoring, wheezing and sounds of a nature difficult to describe. I got to Eric's room but he was still awake. "Come on son it's getting late. Try and get some sleep. I wanted to tuck him in but when he swiftly turned away I decided not to encroach in his space, I went to my room and took the tiepin. I managed to fix it to his tie caring not if he saw or not. Pip was also awake so got the horse fixed it to his jacket. It was the noise that made me aware he was crying so invading space or not I went to him. He was hot even I saw that. His hair stuck to his forehead. I moved it away. I was gentle trying hard to stop the tears. "I did not mean to do it wrong Paul. I am sorry." The tears started again. I held him hoping that sleep would come quickly. It's hard to be upset with someone like this. He had done no wrong. It was me who took advantage of him. It was a while for he relaxed. I tucked him down into his bed gently gave him a kiss then whispered, "I love you Pip." I left pondering how the boy felt all because of me. I felt worthless. It was a noise that brought me out of the thoughts of feeling sorry for myself. "Paul? You said you loved me." There stood Pip. His face looking as if he had not washed in weeks due to the tear stains under and around his eyes. Dark red pyjamas all creased but looking much to big for him. No slippers so he must have got out of bed just after I left thinking no more about his dress being that he had so much more on his mind. "Paul do you mean it? Does that mean what we did last night was all right? Do not ever do that again. I have missed talking to you. I love you to. Can I stay with you for a while?" My mouth formed the words "No go back to bed." But my hands gesticulated for him to come forwards into my arms. It's strange to find that the body no longer takes orders from the brain when a boy that gives you as much of a jolt as the very first whisky did that evening. I watched the Olympics on film from the old days and one competition they had was "The Standing Long Jump." From one point without the aid of running they would leap several feet up then out. Quite an achievement. Today I witnessed that feat. Pip did not run to me. My arms were open so he just jumped with all his might landing in my lap his arms had me in a vice like grip. "Paul you said you love me!" Sorry to keep referring to other things but it's the best way I can described what happened. I bet you have all see the nature programmes when they film a butterfly in flight. Its wings moving so slow that every part of its beauty can be seen. Both Pip and I moved so slowly until our lips came into contact with each other's. No more words, no more actions, no expectations just the realisation that love did exist within this school. His excitement then action had left him with his jacket half way up his back. Three fingers found the spine allowing me to count the discs and ribs while Pip did his own exploration of my lips. "Paul do you want me to stay? If so I need to get changed." Once again I was trying to say no but I think it was the smile and hug that translated into yes as far as the boy was concerned. Pip quickly left the room while I finished my tea. I hung up my gown then climbed into bed. I watched for some time thinking that I was wrong and he had just gone back to bed. It was the door that made me come to life. With his day clothes on hangers he slipped them in the cupboard. The pyjamas were left upon the chair leaving him in a pair of briefs. Red combined with white stripes. The ones last night were white with red stripes. He stood looking at me by the bed. His eyes were shining with the final happy tears that remained. "Like this Paul or are you going to choose?" I watched him smile when I reached across. I slipped the covers back then started to try and slip the briefs down. Pip finished that task off climbed in bed and we were together. I think that it was a combination of emotion and tiredness that made us sleep. I woke to find Pip gone. I did not panic because I heard the call for breakfast while I was still wondering what happened the night before. I showered so fast that I wondered if any droplets of water ever hit my body. I noticed that I was different. I had a smile that was missing before. The moment I sat down I was told about it. It was acknowledged by the headmaster that Pip was dancing to breakfast so was congratulated for doing the right thing. "Paul my friend. I see the horse is back and I bet you have not noticed the tiepin? The boys have seen the silver badge which is a bit daring for you to wear, but I suppose that this all has a great plan in the big picture. The vast meaning of life is wonderful but let me say that I hope you do not see the boys in your life any different from each other?" He was right however I had no intentions of allowing the affections that did not exist within me to show up or distract the others. " "Do the fruit baskets this morning please Paul? 1 piece per child for their break." "Watch them because they will try to get away with anything but I have warned them already. I will take drastic action with any child that tries to be clever. I will be with you until the boys get going." I was still in a daze when I got to the baskets. One by one the boys took an apple or orange. Halfway through just as the headmaster was about to leave Pip took an orange. He added to that a hug for me then a quick kiss on the cheek. Walking out the door he waved. "Paul it looks like you have got more than puppy love. That boy is beginning to dote on you and everything you do." The other boys took fruit waving as if it was something that had too happen. The headmaster gave a big laugh when the head boy followed the rest. Eric was last and took an apple. He then left it on the table next to me. "That's for you." "Now what do I do Paul? We have 2 boys falling for you. Soon there will be more. I cannot ask or let you go. You are the most powerful person that has bonded with the boys since I have started. Straight question Paul. Are you Gay, Homosexual, you know what I mean?" "Headmaster no. I have never had those thoughts yet the boys I have to admit give me feelings that I never had before. Men do not attract me but...." "I understand Paul. I wondered. Take this book. It's called The Shying. See the pun on the film?" I had but I took it. I had a free period so read about people who were boy lovers. It was very detailed and described the feeling I had been having. The early part of the book covered the section that told the worst things that may happen. The rest went on to explain the joy that could be had with a boy. It was important that a boy was the one who instigated the act of love. It showed a list of thing and so far I had received a great number from pip. A letter at the end suggested that a sex education lesson might be a good thing so my class were having one as I read with the headmaster. I hoped he never told the boys what he thought. If he did then I would leave because he had started what was to fast for me. At break time the Headmaster told me that all was well. He had instructed the boys to write an imaginary love letter. I was supposed to correct the spellings. That would be seen as today's homework. I was asked if I minded which I have to say that I appreciated. The boys came in to continue their essays while I read the letters. Some were blatant while some were very poetic and sweet. I got one that was addressed to me and another addressed to the headmaster. His I slipped into my pocket, politeness getting the better of me. The letter to me was almost a letter of guilt. It explained that this boy has suffered strange feeling since I had come into his life. He had hidden the feelings for almost a year. Boys made him laugh but the feeling a man gave him were different. "Teachers in the school were not bad but my secret sir, you have made me come alive. Oh for the chance to be noticed. I know people will say its wrong but after the lesson today I know I love you. Headmaster you said that you would keep this to yourself and I thank you. Love to the Headmaster but passion to Paul" Just then the headmaster walked in. The boys all stood then he quickly told them to sit down. "Oh dear I see you have the letter that I was suppose to keep. What's done is done. Now can you see the effect that you are having on people?" "Headmaster who wrote this letter?" "Have you read the book I gave you?" I gave it to him. "Third row desk 5 but do not do anything to hurt the child he has opened his heart by writing that letter. He will get the award for the boy of the week." "Headmaster I would never do such a thing. He is special. I never thought that boys needed love and care as much as I want to give it." "Well the truth. Discrete! You must be that. Can I remind you that 90% of the boys want girls but we are gentle to those who are different? I wish I were your age again. You are like a honey pot and the bees are beginning to form. As I have told 3 other teachers hear. If you hurt a child for any reason then I will not hesitate to call the authorities. In my 10 years we have a happy school and not one mention of disgrace has ever been filed. I will leave this in your hands now but I am always free if you have problems. You see I am like you. I like the seniors. 14 and up so I know how you feel. Just do what you thinks right." The headmaster left allowing my eyes to find the boy who sat at desk 5 of the third row. In the seat sat a head down boy that I new. It was Greg. He shared the room with Eric. I did out of courtesy read all the letters noting the letters that had been completed by Pip, Eric, Simon but Greg's I read over and over again. I wondered if he knew I was looking at him rather than looking over the whole class. I think that someone must have seen. He was hard working. His hair was Brown. It was very light brown. His features were clear. I thought I saw a spot but it was his jacket buttons reflection. His hands worked hard at writing. I noticed that he was ambidextrous, that's being able to use both hand to write. He was dressed well. He was the only boy whose socks were at the same level on each leg. One movement had the bottom of his pencil under his chin. His eyes gazed at the ceiling looking for inspiration. I can expect to hear thoughts all over saying that because I had virtually been given the go ahead to take and have any boy I was just sizing him up. The practical thoughts in his letter said he was in love. It said nothing about sex. Inside me the treasure that was hidden had been found. All those precious feelings had been seen, taken and recognised. At the end of class Pip and Eric had to go for tea duties. Then after they had music and chess club. I reminded Pip to go straight to bed and I would see him the next morning. Tea was Sardines on toast. Really bad stuff. The headmaster read the messages this evening. He was explaining the change of duties. I was very angry to hear that Eric was given a week off to catch up on work so my new helper was Greg. Many hands volunteered. The headmaster said that he chose someone whose arm was not raised to point out that every boy was part of the school. I managed a few minutes with pip before he cleared my things away. "You two will start getting a reputation." Said the headmaster. The headmaster asked me if I had thought anymore about the letter and what I was going to do about it. (I was about to let it go but clearly the Head had other plans.) Greg spoke to the Headmaster his smart appearance made me linger over a further coffee that I did not really want. Greg walked to me. "Sir I will clear up. You go and relax. I see that you have a free evening. May I bring you anything?" I slipped his love letter in his jacket pocket. What is on the paper? Could you bring to my room?" I left not looking back moving quickly before the scream but it never happened. I was a complete blank going to my room. Upstairs was a mixture of boys getting ready for bed and those going to their evening clubs. I headed straight for my room getting a glass of the whisky left for me the previous day. I was so busy wondering what to do that I forgot time. It was when the door knocked that I was brought back into reality. "Come in." Slowly, almost slouching in the door walked Greg. His heed down clearly worried. "How did you get the letter Sir?" "Does it matter? I just got it." "You were never supposed to see it. It was a test that I had to do for the headmaster." "I see. So the letter was just a joke." "Its no joke. I mean I just used your name as an example." "Greg did you know that as a boy I was at this school. The biggest rule was that we must never tell a lie. I will tell you this just once. I am not angry with you. In fact I was very flattered to read it. Did you know that many boys feel the way you do? I asked you here to find out more. Tell me what is it that you like most of all?" "Sir do I have to?" "No of course not but if that letter is true then I have been wondering all day since reading it what to say to you." I sat watching this boy look like someone who had been caught doing something very bad. His hands were wrapping around each others showing that he was very nervous. His smart look had become a mess but his face was the worst. I remember doing things wrong then being caught. I stood outside of the headmaster's office with than very it look scared but desperate to run away. My shoes were glued to the floor that was until I was escorted in to his office. "Greg, come over here." The boy was so slow. I was quite stern telling him to dress. Making sure that the school uniform was as I saw in the classroom. "Am I going to tell everyone that you love me?" "No sir please do not do that. I have tried so hard to keep it a secret. You are different. Am I wrong to have these feelings?" "No Greg not at all. I have all ready told you that it has happened to others. So you really love me then?" "Yes sir but please I wont say anything." "What are we going to do about it now that I know how you feel?" "I do not know Sir." "This makes it very difficult Greg. I wish I had an answer. You tell me this, if I told you that I loved you what would you say?" "I would be happy but would not know at all what to do." "Well then Greg I feel the same way about you." "Sir? I do not understand." "You want me to write a letter? I think that you are wonderful. The next question is what happens now?" I watched while Greg looked at me. I am not sure if he was relieved or satisfied with what had just happened. "Are you angry with me for writing that letter?" "I would be angry if that letter was not the truth. But I read it so many times today so I think I can tell if it was a lie." "I was here a long time. Some boys made fun of other boys who had boys as friends. They called us nasty names. I made sure I was all-alone. I saw you kiss Eric goodnight. I wished that you would come to me. I know that Pip was with you last night. His bed was empty when I went to the bathroom his door was open. I even went to see you. I saw you both. At that moment I was angry because if I had only been brave enough to tell you then maybe I would have been the one who was in bed with others watching." I could see he was being so sincere. I got up and closed the door behind him. I placed an arm on his shoulders. "Greg I have two question to ask you? The first is how old are you then tell me what time you have to get up in the morning?" "I am just 12 years old. I have to get up at 7am to get the night staffs tea." "Do you want to get up from your bed or mine? "Do you mean that I can sleep with you? "Well you will have to choose quickly. It is late." Greg ran from my room rushing to his. Eric was in bed already. Quickly Greg gathered a few things then made his way back. Pip was just leaving my room when he got there. One small boy with a bundle of clothing in a bag entered. "Do you really mean this?" I was folding up his clothes for tomorrow. His jacket was put on a hook on the back of the door. I laid his morning clothes out then managed with gentle persuasion that he sit on my knee. It was very easy to slip his tie off. The shirt buttons were slightly harder. Greg did not mind me doing this, when he never showed any fear. I lifted him up then let him lay down upon my bed. He watched while I removed each slipper then each sock was put in the slippers so they would not get lost. It was a triumph when the shirt came off and I could at last see the boy or half the boy who wrote that he was in love with me just 6 hours earlier. I stroked the side of his face with the back of each hand. The shivers rippled through him leaving small pimples on the flesh I could see. Greg had a black patent belt that held up his shorts. I could see him look while I touched its smooth texture. I pulled the longest strap through the loops of the shorts till it was free with the buckle being the only part to open. I was once again in the slow motion sequence. The belt pulled away so that the brass hook that held it, opened. The button that held the shorts together was golden in colour but easy to open. I turned off the main light slipping the door lock so that no one would disturb the boy's request of love. I opened my shirt then with no asking Greg was helping to take it off. I slipped down my trousers but did not notice if he looked. I turned to Greg seeing that his shorts had slipped down while he was helping me. I removed the shorts. His boxers were dark but seemed to be cut to fit. I slipped mine off and slipped under the covers. Greg was slow but that was understandable. He did get in next to me but clearly he did not know that this was going to be all part of the ritual that said I love you. "Greg I have to know if it's going to be okay with you to take your boxers off. That will leave you naked. Are you completely sure that this is what you want?" "Sir today has left me with a strange feeling. I did not know that a person like you existed. I have seen the other masters but you are the best. I have always believed that saying something to a man showed that I had something wrong with me. The headmaster should not have shown you the letter. Most of the boys know what sex is. To me sir it's just a word. In the last 2 days I have done nothing except to get the feeling that I want to hold you. I have been uncertain that if I did you may report me or rebuke me, punishing me in front of the class. If they got to know just how much I shake when you look at me. How I ache when you pay others attention. Worst of all when you kiss another in my view even if it is purely friendship. If the act of love between 2 people requires that you have a need to take my boxers off then do it. It took all my courage to write that letter, it's going to be even harder to allow my teacher to teach me the act of love. Its what I want, after today I am yours. It will be our special secret." I touched the soft material that was his boxers. They slipped down with perfection. Forget the knees, these followed the bones in the legs, over the ankles until I was holding them in the air. "Greg this is difficult for me but I do wish you had told me sooner." "Sir sex between boys is something that does not happen in regular conversation. We do not speak about it. I can now accomplish what I have wanted in such a long time." That was the moment when like bullets from a gun our lips hit each other. We both were naked but at that moment that was secondary compared to the kiss. No one could tell but our lips signalled the words we both could not say or perhaps were not sure that it was the right time to utter. The deep words of love were clear. It was as if I was on auto pilot. The kiss although new to him was become easier for me. I was map reading every inch of the boys skin feeling him enjoying the actions I were making. Magnetic north? I no need wonder where that was on t map because the needle of the boys body stood proud and true. I remember taking his boxers off and the feeling of the material. His skin was feeling the same. I was pleased that Greg did not look when I pulled the duvet back. He would have seen the hand than was caressing the Young penis. It had a sensation like never before. I had been happy to hold other boys but each were different. The boy shook when I started to increase my speed then gasping while refusing to let go of the lips he was kissing. I slowed down to move but it was to late. Greg shuddered while I watched him climax, the only thing to escape from that moment as a sound of pure bliss. Greg tried his best to get comfortable but just ended up on top of me his chin resting upon his hands. "Sir that was the greatest feeling that I ever had. Did you like doing that to me?" I never answered I watched his head lie back on my chest just before e was asleep. I managed to squeeze my erection between his legs before falling asleep myself. I dreamt that I was holding the smooth flesh or a boy while telling him that I was his forever. I woke 5 time finding the boy in the same place. It was on the last time I woke scared that what had come from the subconscious was becoming real. Did I love boys? They say that if you are told something often enough then you will believe it. The headmaster had been the start. I was hugging Greg all night. And that's when I thought it was true. Unlike Pip, Greg was still with me at early morning. It was wonderful to help him up. I saw him in the sun. His shyness did him no justice. I got him back to his room wearing his boxers just as the first bell sounded. Eric his room mate ran to get a hot shower. "Sir I have to ask, was it the right thing that we did? For you to be with me as it was for me being with you?" There was a better way of putting it but I knew what he meant. I found some red briefs that were in his drawer. "Greg put these on and I think you will have the answer." "Sir they are so small." "Greg, I know." The briefs did fit even if they were slightly to small but for the first time I had an understanding with a boy that went far beyond just being his teacher. I got to breakfast early. I had to be told by the headmaster that my attention span over my boiled egg consisted not of breakfast but of three boys. "Paul if the others get to think that you have favourites then your classes wont be going as well as they are. Young Greg I hear, he was seen coming from your room this morning. Sick or bad dream? Do you know that I am envious? You have all the attention? I hope that times are good for you. You have class 4 for Art this morning. Just lets try not to have a lesson on still art." I made a quick comment of "Why not?" "Paul I bet you would." The class was quiet but clean I suggested that the boys carried on from the last lesson. Pairs of boys moved their desks so that they faced one another. The class had to draw each other while looking at the boy they had chosen as a partner. I wandered around giving advice that was just meaningless. All I did was recommend things that had been missed. I was very hard with the way I looked yet the boys seem to appreciate it. In the hour I managed to look at every boys work. I saw box faces then cubism. Landscapes, even attempts at erotic stances which although no where near the correct way, they did have a look of the cartoons that appeared in some magazines. They did try to define nude but never managed the real thing. I thought that if they had seen each other in the shower then they would have been given an abundance of ideas to work with. They tried so I could not fault their work. My next class was with my own boys. I had the headmaster and some older guy writing constantly throughout. The boys saw that I was becoming very embarrassed. They gave me so much attention. I managed to find the book on Peter Pan. This book was not on the preferred reading material but I used it for a different reason. Being at this school the one thing that the boys should never feel was loneliness. The story of the lost boys ended with them being the ones that everyone noticed. I went on to say that when they did leave school the jobs they did combined with the education would indeed put them in a position to be admired and noticed. "Excuse me. I am Mr Graham. I am with the board of governors. Might I ask your class a few questions?" "Of course. I will just do the marking from yesterday." The man was quite a powerful speaker. He asked the children if they believed the reasoning. His thoughts on Peter Pan were far from him being a lost boy. The boys held a good argument. They drew different prospectus and thoughts from the lesson leading to a good potential for further teaching. The headmaster left a note. "Paul if these boys glow any further then the rest of us will get the sack. Pip is singing your praises. I do hope that it is not to much." After the class I was in the staff room less than 2 minutes when 5 teachers said that they had seen how wonderful I had attached myself to certain boys. The old master that I may be taking over from sat with me. "Paul when I was your age I had a special friends. I remember you much younger. It was not allowed but it happened so a boy that was here ended up as my, I do not need to go further. It's all changed now and boys are happy to become friends with teachers. It's a role model for the young things. I'm an old man but even I can see a number of the boys here shaking when they are close to you. Be good to them Paul. Between you and I, in your class there is a boy who plays the Clarinet. It's so plain to hear. Since you have been here the child heart has lifted and his music flow like a stream. The beauty of it is he has feelings just like a number of others. If you find him treat him with love. Take him until the crescendos and his collection of notes will be yours. We spoke with sincerity Paul. I gave my word that his secret will stay with me. My one piece of advice, if a boy shows you some affection please do not let the others see that you want it. For an old man I can go on but your class has only one boy that has no deep feelings for you. That is Victor. He comes to see me. He and I listen to the classics. Stroke his ear then he will understand that you are his friend. Just 2 days and the school is besotted with you. Do stay with us. The school needs you, the teachers need you but most of all the boys need you who had no one till you arrived." That chat was all of 3 minutes. I was going to take gym with 2 classes next so got ready to take them all on a run. I liked it; the sun was out so I hoped it would be good for them. 30 boys were outside wondering what was going to happen. I told them , then set off leaving them to either follow or panic. It was fun really they all managed to keep up and running slow was not the normal way it would happen for me. "Breath deep boys. The fresh air will be good for your lungs." The older boys started to stretch ahead of the younger ones so I stopped them and paired an older with a young one. It was a good idea. Across the field we ran all hand in hand looking like a giant wave. After 20 minutes I stopped at a fence to allow each boy through then into the gym for a shower that was longer than normal. The boys of each year showered separately but today I told them all to shower together. I saw nothing in it. I watched the young boys go red while the older soaped them quickly so that they could get out. Yes I watched but it did not quite go as I explained. The elder boy was joined with the young and he helped him clean then wash his hair. No difference, all that I saw were boys of different ages washing and talking. I think some actually made friends. We went to gym boys with attitudes. They left boys who were actually the same. Older boys frowned upon the younger yet here we all were laughing and joking without a care in the whole school. "You all did well. I will see if we can get a hot drink as we are early so please be quiet and do not forget that others do have classes." In the dining hall we all sat together with hot milk made especially by cook. She got a great big thank you. We were still there when the others came for lunch. I expected the boys to break up but they had all gathered around 1 table with their drinks so they had lunch together. "Paul I take it that table 4 is your doing?" "No headmaster. We all have been running so after we had a drink to warm us all up and it looks like they wanted each others company for dinner." "Paul it is against the rules." "What to have lunch with a friend?" "Well I just hope that there are no comebacks. If there are then I will hold you responsible." He said that smiling. I had a feeling that maybe one day a week the boys could have dinner with a friend. The teachers did not seem to like it so I got up took my plate and asked the boys if there was a place for one large one. I was surprised to see the oldest teacher who chatted with me join the other end. Teachers eating with pupils? that was something never heard of at the school before. Eric reached across, "Does this mean that you are going to stay?" The table went quiet. "Well that depends. I like running so we will see. Not everyone likes running or doing gym for that matter". My usual class were catching up on the essays I had set them at the start of my visit. I managed to complete for the headmaster the reports on the boys. I had to be careful that I did not make some boys report better than others however I was completely honest. At tea the messages were read early. The music class was right after tea so all boys were to be there. I was not on duty that evening. I was in my room wondering about my future. I could hear the singing combined with the boys playing computer games and arguing who was the greatest footballer in the world. I was sure that if I put that all together then I could write a play for the west end. I even had the home grown talent for the music. It was about 8pm when the last bell went. The boys at evening classes rushed to get washed and ready. It was late when Eric came into see me with a mug of Cocoa. "Eric you have a wonderful voice." "I sing a bit sir but I play the Clarinet." My mind went back to the old man remembering what he had said. "Eric close the door and come and talk to me for a minute. You wont get into trouble. I will give you a pass to be up late." "Have I done something wrong sir?" "No Eric. I was talking to someone today who said that a boy liked me." "Do I know him sir?" "Well I was told he played the Clarinet." "I spoke to Mr Parish in secret. He was the oldest so I thought he would understand. He did and because he is leaving said he would take what I told him to his grave." "Eric I knew that you liked me but I did not know that it was a strong as that. I will tell you that I am not angry. I think it's very sweet of you. You even remembered to do your tie up the right way." Oh that's nice sir. May I go now?" "Eric I think that there is something wrong." "Mr Parish did not tell you everything. I hid my feelings until Mr Parish caught me. He is a nice man so I told him what was wrong. He said that you would understand so I no need worry." "I do understand." "No sir I do not think you do. The day I carried your case you touched me. I wanted to hold your hand then show you around. The lesson says that love is something that happens to everyone. I was sure that something was wrong. Every feeling the headmaster described I had was for you not for a girl. I saw you with Pip then Greg. I wished that it was I. I did not plan for this to happen it just did. The music teacher said my playing had a whole new sound. No matter how hard I tried to change it the thought of you made the notes sound like something very different. Mr parish said it sounded as if I was in love. Please my feelings are not sweet they are for you." "Play for me Eric." Looking at him the music echoed through the room, He gave me some music then taking his clarinet played. I read his words. Put your head against my life, what do you hear, a million words just trying to make the love song of the year. Close your eyes but don't forget what you have heard, the boy whose trying to say three words, the words that make me scared. Million love songs are made of, here I am trying to tell you that I care, million love songs are made of, here I am, here I am, million love songs are made of, and here I am. Look into the future now, this is what I see, million chances pass me by, million chances to hold you. Take me back, take me back to where I used to be, hide away from all my truths through the light I see. Million love songs are made of, here I am trying to tell you that I care, million love songs are made 0f, here I am, just for you love, million love songs are made of, here I am. A million love song are made of, and here I am. The room was a different place. Eric finished playing with his head bowed. The words and music replayed over and over in my mind. I watched him replace the clarinet in its case then without a word he left. It was at that moment the emotion hit me. I had just had a boy aged almost 12 play me the truth that was inside him. I could hear some clapping while I sat not knowing what to do. I slept with a strange uneasiness that night to awake on my last day. I was given my class for the day. My eyes wandered to each and every one. At one time or another I was given a smile. I know I had to make up my mind but this was going to be the hardest decision that I ever had to make. I finished the reports for the headmaster and the boys all finished the essays I set them. I was at tea when the messages were read out. "Today is Mr Baxter's last day. On behalf of the boys we hope the short time he has been with us has been happy and enjoyable. Mr Parish is also leaving after 25 years." The thunderous applause echoed through the dining hall with every boy standing. "Tonight we will be holding a concert for the teachers so good luck to them both." More applause. The tidying was swift because a concert was not held very often. At 6pm we all went to the hall that had been set up like a theatre. Mr Parish and I had seats of honour. The governors and governess joined us. The boys held a play that was very funny. The choir sang the theme to The Snowman, Mr Parish was very happy. It was his special song and they had been practising it behind his back. They had added some extra special notes making it sound very special. The break was long enough for the top brass to express their wishes that I would stay. The concert continued. Dancing followed by the school song. It was a success. The Governors and other dignitaries left while the national anthem was played. The headmaster spoke to the boys telling them that they had done an excellent job. He left. I was going to get up when the lights went down. The orchestra parted allowing Eric with his Clarinet to enter the front of the made up stage. Boys of every year were either side of him. The eldest was Raymond. He spoke. "To all in the hall we have been thinking what we could do for the final part of tonight's show. We have all got late passes from the headmaster to do this so I guess it starts with me. Mr Baxter on behalf of my year we want you to stay. You taught a bully how to become a human being and help the younger boys. I do not think you remember but I was one of the boys who ran with you over the fields. I was partnered with Billy, (He waved) we want you to stay." "Sir on behalf of my year please stay and teach us how to be happy with lessons like you have with the others." "Sir we had you for one lesson and you gave us some help but never stopped us from doing what we loved. This is for you." Two small boys brought a painting of me that the art class had done. It was I. They all had done something to make it right. The picture was of me running. At the end Eric Pip and Greg stood forwards. "Sir Pip Greg and I all wont know what to do without your understanding. You know us and have our best wishes at heart we all send our love that is something that no other teacher has commanded since 1854. You will never be forgotten but by staying you will never forget us." I did not know if I was suppose to say something but it was Eric who raised his Clarinet that did. The music was beautiful. Mr Parish whispered, "I told you that he loves you." At the end every boy shouted, "STAY