The following story is about the development of a fully consensual and loving relationship between a man and a pre-adolescent boy. At some point through the story's progression, there will be a graphic display of sexual acts between the man and the boy meant to show the natural progression and development of an intimate and caring relationship. If the topic of man/boy sex offends you, or if this material is illegal in your place or residence, or if you are under legal age, please leave now.
Any similarities between the characters in this story and any persons living and/or dead is purely a coincidence.
This story is protected under the nifty archives license agreement, and the author (me!) releases the right for nifty and nifty alone to post it on the internet. Please do not post this story anywhere else without my consent or knowledge.
Well... here is the chapter in which lies the reason I have added the disclaimer. Still, while this chapter is quite graphic (and hopefully a fruitful payoff for those of you that may enjoy this sort of thing), it serves an important role for the plot. While some of you may not agree where this chapter has gone, it shows an important weakness in Steven's character which I believe will make the conclusion of the story that much more powerful.
So, with this chapter, I hope you enjoy the calm before the storm, because from here on out, things are going to get very bumpy (as if they hadn't been already, I suppose). As always, I am very interested in your feedback. Please let me know what you think about where this story is going, and what kind of feelings it is invoking in you (good, bad... if any).
Please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
Josh's fingers felt brittle, like dried mud. It seemed like almost every note he hit sounded too loud or too soft. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the flow of the song right. His fingers simply wouldn't listen, as if his brain had completely lost it's ability to control them. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't muster up the concentration.
Steven had asked him to play after they had gotten back from dinner. It had been such a nice meal. Almost right after they had left from band practice, Steven announced he had a surprise for him. When they had driven up to a strange looking booth with a man standing behind it, then Steven telling him to get out right in the middle of the road, Josh almost freaked out. It was so weird watching a stranger drive off with Steven's car, and even stranger when Steven said that it was customary that nice restaurants do things like this. What impressed him the most though where all the waiters, dressed up in fancy suits, and the strange entrees that Steven ordered. All of it left him speechless, and ever more concerned that he didn't belong in a place such as this. Steven put those fears to rest when he pointed out that there were a few other children around, dressed no worse than he was.
Once Steven got him eating the food, he had greatly enjoyed the meal. But what he enjoyed even more was the romantic feel Steven was trying to create. He had joked about it at first when Josh had asked, but he had finally admitted that he had brought him here for a little romance. Steven had even let him take a sip of his wine. Since it was a white wine, it was supposed to be sweet, but it still had an odd flavor to it, which Josh didn't like very much. When Steven saw as much on his face, he only smiled and said "Thats why I told you you shouldn't be so sure about wanting to try alcohol." Josh could only cough a bit and nod his head.
The whole feeling that dinner created though... Steven was really trying to do everything he could to make Josh feel comfortable and... special. The entire car ride home, Steven had kept his hand on his leg, squeezing it slightly and rubbing it gently. He supposed it made him feel a little uncomfortable, since his own mother never really touched him like that, but the tenderness of it... he knew Steven was just trying to show him how much he loved him. The thing was... with everything Steven had told him last week, he wanted to tell him he was okay with it, but the truth was it still made him scared. Scared maybe... because he didn't really understand it, cupped with the fact that everyone else thought it was wrong. Especially his mother.
Now, as Josh continued his struggle with the Chopin Nocturne Op. 72, with Steven sitting right behind him as he often did, listening to him play, we was beginning to realize that his uncertainty was hampering his playing. Not that Steven's presence made him feel uncomfortable, quite the contrary. Josh always liked it when Steven was there right behind him. It felt reassuring, like he had a net that would catch him if he fell. But now... it felt different somehow.
He was sure all the kids in his school had heard the stories about men who pried on children, men who made the children do sex things that they didn't want to do. But until a little while ago, Josh didn't even know what those sex things were, not until Sam had shown him that video. Were those the kinds of things Steven wanted to do with him? From everything his mother had told him, the very moment those people in that video started taking their clothes off, he knew they must be doing something wrong. His mother had told him that being naked in front of people was bad, and if that much was bad, then what about all the other things that those people did? They were adults though, and they could probably do those sort of things if they wanted, even if they weren't supposed to. But he was still a kid, and he knew kids weren't supposed to do things like that.
Again Josh completely slipped up, missing a set of notes entirely. Josh took a deep breath in frustration. Steven however, was right there, and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. This is a really hard piece, and it takes a lot of patience. Take your time with it. There is no reason to feel rushed." Steven paused for a moment, which caused Josh to look back at him. "Would you feel more comfortable if I went in the other room?"
Josh shook his head. "No." Then in a more quiet voice, he added, "You can stay here."
Even though so much was going though his head, he still didn't want Steven to leave. Not really. The fact was... he felt emptier... and colder... when he was at home, or at school, without Steven. He could just.... feel how much Steven cared for him, and it made him feel good inside. Was it wrong to have those feelings too? It was probably yet another thing that his mother would disapprove of.
Finally, Josh threw up his hands in frustration. He simply could not make any more progress.
"Whats wrong sweetie? You seem... preoccupied." Steven took a long pause, and when Josh didn't say anything, he finally said, "I guess I can't blame you... I have put such a heavy burden on your shoulders. I'm so sorry Josh."
Josh shook his head. "Why are you sorry? I wanted to know, and... I'm glad you told me the truth this time."
"Even if the truth is heard to bear?" Steven asked.
It was almost as if Steven could tell what he was thinking. This was probably why he had kept it a secret, because Steven knew it might upset him. Josh wanted to tell Steven he was okay with it, he really did. He knew how happy it would make him. But... it just seemed like too much for him to deal with.
Josh continued to stare at the keys. He thought about trying to play again, but he knew it would be a futile effort right now, so he slowly turned himself around on the bench so he could face Steven. Steven was still sitting there, seeming almost as preoccupied as he did, staring down at the floor. When Steven noticed Josh had turned around, Steven looked up and gave him a reassuring smile, but it seemed he was lost for words as well. Despite how hard it was, Josh tried the best he could to summon up the question that he hoped would hold some answers.
"Steven, why... why do you feel the way you do?"
Steven sat there with a bewildered expression for quite some time before answering. "I guess there are a lot of reasons. You see... normally, when you grow up, you are supposed to become attracted to females, at least... that's the case for most people. There are some people however that do not grow up that way. For some reason or other, they become attracted to other males." Steven took a long breath before continuing. "Some people say it happens because of genetics. That is... the way you were born. Others say that it is all purely a consequence of your environment, how you were raised, and the things that happened to you when you were a kid. I think it may be a little bit of both. So with me I guess, I was probably born with a little "gayness", and maybe more than others were born with. Then.... for some reason or other, which also might have to do with genetics, I became not only attracted to males, but to boys specifically."
"So... it's not something you really decide then, is it?" Josh asked.
"Thats the crux of it," Steven nodded. "Attraction is something you really have no control over. It's something that might fluctuate as you go through puberty, but when it's over, then it's pretty much decided," Steven explained.
Somehow... Josh kind of already suspected that Steven wasn't the way he was because he wanted to be, and he figured the same was probably true for some of the other kids in his class. If they really had no control over it, then why did his mother, and people like Sam's father hate them so much? It really seemed kind of unfair.
"So, if you can't really control how you feel, then why do people hate you so much?" Josh asked.
Steven shook his head. "Not all people feel that way, but in my case.... People really do have valid concerns about pedophiles. Children are generally more susceptible to things, and some people fear they can be much more easily damaged, emotionally, that is. And there are some adults out there who do prey on children, but believe me, I don't want them hurting children any more than anyone else. If anything, I wish I could do something to help. The truth of the matter is though, children aren't the only ones that can get raped, and they are also not the only ones that can be emotionally scarred by it."
"Does that mean... adults aren't supposed to have sex either?" Josh asked, trying his best to understand.
Steven let out a sigh. "The thing is, sex is something that be both good and bad. It really depends on the relationship between the two people having it. If one wants it and the other doesn't then the one who doesn't can be very negatively effected, especially since it's physical. That's why they call it rape. But... if both people do want it, it can be very pleasurable. And if sex is shared between two people who truly love each other, it is said that there is no feeling that can rival it."
"Does that mean a lot of adults have sex then?" Josh asked.
"Well... some do, there is no doubt about that, but others would rather wait until they meet someone who they truly love, because they know they would enjoy it a lot more," Steven said.
"So what about you th-" but before Josh could stop he had said it. The whole reason they had started this conversation was because Steven was attracted to him, and wanted to.... Still... what about before Steven had met him? "I guess I mean... I know you like me now, but what about before? Did you... with other boys?"
Steven shook his head. "No. I haven't, not with a boy. I've never really gotten to know a boy like I have gotten to know you. You are the first boy.... I have really fallen in love with. I did have a relationship with a girl once, but I never really loved her, not like I love you."
For some reason, it made Josh feel really warm inside hearing that he was the first one Steven really loved. "You really love me a lot, don't you?" For some reason, Josh needed to ask it, even though he knew the answer.
Steven smiled one of the most bittersweet smiles he had ever seen. "Josh... I love you so much it hurts. I want to do everything I can to make you happy. I would climb the highest tower or sail the widest ocean for you. Does that tell you how much I love you?"
If Steven wasn't being so serious, Josh would have laughed, but he knew he meant every word he said. He could feel it. It made him feel so special to be loved like that. He wished... he could somehow... return that love, but the problem was, he didn't know how. Steven had talked about sex, but... he was just a kid still.
"Why is it so bad for kids to... have sex? Can kids even do it?" Josh asked.
"It's not the sex itself thats bad Josh, it's the things around it. Most people think kids aren't capable of handing all the emotion around it, but if you want to know what I think, I bet there are probably some kids that can handle it better than some adults. Whether you can handle it or not is really a question of emotional maturity. All kids are capable of having it though, but the need to have it doesn't really kick in until puberty," Steven explained.
Josh scratched his head. He didn't think that could be true at all. "Kids need to have sex?"
"It's not that kids need it, but as they start puberty, their desire to have it grows and grows. In fact for some kids, teenagers really, their desire to have it is even greater than an adults. It's because during puberty, your body is pumping so much testosterone through you so you can grow, it fuels your desire for sex as well." Steven then paused for a long moment, then looked down at the floor. "And what they don't tell you in health class is, if you don't satisfy that desire, it can just get worse and worse, making you want to have sex very badly. In some cases it can get so bad, even for adults, that it affects your ability to think, to the point where you can think about nothing else. If you don't do anything about it, then you will have what's called a wet dream."
That was something Josh did remember. He remembered them saying in health class that when you started puberty, you could start having wet dreams, where something could come out of your penis, but it wasn't pee. He knew that "something" had to do with making babies, but he couldn't remember what it was called.
"But if you wait until you had a wet dream every time," Steven continued, "Your need for sex could get overpowering. One way to solve it, without having someone else around, is... to masturbate," Steven said, practically stuttering out his words at end.
There was another word Josh had head, but not from an adult. It had been another word Sam and Will had thrown around, but he had no idea what it really meant. When Steven could see as much on his face, he tried to explain.
"Masturbation is what... well... it's what you do to make yourself feel good. You usually do it by... rubbing your penis, and if you do it for long enough, you have what's called an orgasm, releasing your semen. It's what's said to be one of the greatest feelings you can ever experience."
Josh could tell what Steven was trying to say was hard for him, and Josh was trying as best he could to understand, but it was just hard to believe it all. It was hard to take it all in. Josh had always thought things like sex, and taking your clothes off in front of other people was something only adults could do. And then with masturbating... touching your penis.... The only thing Josh could think of was when he had been younger, washing in the tub.
His mother had been there of course, helping him wash. He couldn't remember where his father had been, but he didn't think he had been in the house at the time. That particular time, while she had been washing him, he had been touching his penis. He didn't really even remember doing it, but when his mother had turned him around to wash his front, she had noticed. Josh's penis had been hard, and his fingers were absentmindedly moving his foreskin up and down on it.
As soon as she saw it, she had forcefully slapped his hand away. "Joshua Chambers, if I ever see you doing that again.... It's a sin against god to touch yourself." Josh had actually remembered her taking him by the shoulders. "You should never touch yourself down there, do you understand?" She had kept shaking him until he had finally looked up into her eyes and nodded.
After that, she never bathed him again. She insisted that he was old enough to wash himself now, and eventually he got used to being in the tub alone. He had been so confused... he didn't even realize he had been doing it. Suffice it to say, he never touched it again, even trying to touch it as little as possible when he had to go to the bathroom.
Now Steven was telling him that in order to masturbate, you had to touch it, and that was the way you got the really good feelings. But... if touching it was so bad, then why did it give you good feelings like that?
"Josh? Are you okay? Maybe... I shouldn't be telling you all of this...." Steven said, with a hint of fear beginning to show on his face.
It took Josh a little while for him to come out of this thoughts, but when he did, he shook his head. He knew Steven was only tying to answer his questions, and make him feel better. It was just... all this sex stuff... with his mother telling him one thing, and then Steven telling him another... he still didn't know whether to believe it was right or wrong. Steven was trying to tell him that it was a natural thing, but that still didn't make it right. Or did it?
When Josh still hadn't said anything, Steven spoke up. "I just want you to be happy Josh. I'm so sorry that some of the things I have told you are affecting you so. I wish I... could have hidden my attraction to you better, then you wouldn't be going though this."
Josh shook his head. "No. I'm glad you told me. I wanted you to tell me the truth. It's like you said, right? You can't help the way you are. Besides... I kinda like how you like me so much."
"Really?" Steven had a look of relief on his face.
Josh simply shrugged. "Yeah. I mean... I guess it is a little strange that you like me so much, and you want to do things with me, but... I know you love me, and you don't want to do anything to hurt me."
Steven looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Josh... you don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that. I love you so much sweetie," Steven said, putting a hand on Josh's leg.
At first, Josh thought he would have that same feeling of discomfort he had felt earlier in the car, but Steven's touch couldn't have been more loving than it was now, and it was as if he could feel that love seeping from Steven's hand into the center of his being.
They stayed there like that for some time, with Steven simply gazing at him with that warm smile, but as time passed, that smile seemed to change somehow. It's not that it got bad, or mean looking, or even sad. It was more like... and then it hit him.
"You really like looking at me, don't you?" He had noticed it before, times when Steven simply stared at him. Now he believed he understood why.
Steven looked away, his face turning a bright shade of red. "I'm sorry. It's just... I can't help but admire how beautiful you are. You truly do... take my breath away. I really could... just sit here and look at you all day, and never tire of it."
Josh almost had to laugh inside. There wasn't one time he looked in the mirror and liked what he saw. The only thing he was was a scrawny boy who was too small for his age, the frequent source of some bigger boy's teasing. Josh realized Steven must have seen him in a completely different way, but he still couldn't really imagine what that way was. But even if he really couldn't understand it, that didn't mean he couldn't accept it. So what if Steven thought he looked beautiful? It was actually kinda nice.
Maybe... he could accept Steven's attraction, even if parts of it did make him feel uncomfortable. Steven was just so... incredibly nice to him, and he did so much for him. Josh couldn't imagine what it would be like anymore without him, and it was more than just the music, it was everything else as well. And Steven gave it all freely and asked for nothing in return. There had been so many times where Josh wished he could repay him somehow, and give something back to him that he knew he wanted. The problem was, he had no idea what a little kid like him could give. Now... he believed he did know.
Would it really be such a bad thing to give Steven what he wanted? Even if it was wrong, and a lot of people, even his mother thought it was wrong? Steven still really wanted it, and if it was something Steven wanted, then it couldn't be something that was so terribly awful, could it? It would... sorta... be his way of making Steven happy, and he wanted nothing more than for Steven to he happy. Josh looked back up at Steven. He wasn't really looking at him anymore, just off to the side a little bit. His face wasn't red anymore, but it still looked... like he was deep in thought, like Josh had been.
"You really wanna do those things with me don't you? The things you talked about earlier," Josh asked.
Steven nodded his head, still without quite looking at him. "I would be lying to you if I said I didn't."
"That means... you want to see me naked, don't you?" Josh really knew the answer before he asked, but he asked it anyways.
If the last question had turned Steven red, then this one turned him even redder. "Josh... I... I wouldn't dream of asking-"
"But you want to, right?" Josh interrupted.
Josh could tell just by how hard it was for him to answer the question what the truth was, and not only that, but how much he wanted it. "Y... Yes. I do."
"Do you... want to see me... naked right now?" Even though his stomach was turning somersaults at the idea, Josh asked it.
"Sweetie.... You don't have to do that for me. Even though I may want it, I could never ask you to do something you are uncomfortable with," Steven said.
Josh may have dropped it then and there, but something caught his eye. Steven's hand... it was actually shaking. He had withdrawn it from his leg a while ago, and now it was balled up in his lap. At first, Josh might have thought Steven was angry, angry at him for asking such a thing, but he could see that it was something else. Josh wished he could understand better what Steven was feeling, then he might be able to help him more. Then he realized... maybe he didn't really have to understand, not all the way. He knew what Steven wanted now, he knew a way that could make him happy. Even if he still wasn't sure about some things, it mattered more to him than anything to make Steven happy, and he knew this was a way he could do it.
"It's okay. You can see me if you want, I don't mind." Even though Josh was scared as hell, he was going to do this, for Steven.
Steven brought his balled fist up to his face, then dropped it back down to his lap again. In some ways... if Josh didn't know any better, he looked as scared as he did. Steven had said that he had never been with another boy before, and that he was the first one he really loved. Maybe Steven was scared because he had no idea what to do either.
Finally Steven looked up at him. His expression had changed a little. It had become a little firmer. "Are you sure this is something you are okay with?"
Josh nodded his head, even though he didn't know whether he really was or not. Steven then reached out his hand, and Josh took it.
"Is it alright if we go somewhere more comfortable?" Steven asked.
Josh could only nod his head again in response. Once Josh had given consent, Steven led him carefully up the stairs and through the hallway into his bedroom. Josh hand only been in here once, and that was a long time ago, when Steven was just showing him around. It was pretty big, a lot bigger than his mom's room. He had a nice queen sized bed that was always made. There wasn't much else in the room, other than a large dresser and night stands with lamps on either side of the bed.
Steven then sat on the bed, still holding his hand with Josh next to him. "Josh... I just want to tell you again how much I love you. You mean the world to me, and I would never do anything to hurt you. Okay?"
Josh could only nod his head again. He knew it was true. He knew he had noting to fear from Steven, and he trusted him completely. Still, that didn't mean he wasn't scared about this. After all... he was going to be naked... for the first time... in front of someone other than his mother.
"Is it alright if I undress you?" Steven asked.
Josh gave a small nod. Now that it was really going to happen, Josh's heart rate had sped up to what seemed like a hundred miles an hour. With hands that seemed even shakier than before, Steven began fumbling with the buttons to his shirt. It took a while for him to work his way down, and Josh involuntarily sucked in his stomach when Steven touched it. It was so weird, having someone else take off his clothes. Yes, his mother had usually helped him put his clothes on, but rarely helped him take them off. He had always been able to figure out how to do it himself, for the most part.
Once Steven was down to the bottom button, he had to pull on the shirt to get it out of his kaki shorts, which were buckled tightly around his waist. Once the shirt was out, Steven asked Josh to turn around, and Josh moved his arms around so they would come out of his selves. When Josh faced Steven again, he could see that same look in his eyes, that look he had given him when he had been just staring at him.
"My god, you are so beautiful Josh. You are simply... breathtaking."
Steven's hands were still shaking. He brought them up to his chest like he was going to touch him, but then they withdrew. Steven looked deep in concentration. "Is it alright, If I took off your pants?"
It took a while for Josh to nod his head. Steven didn't do it until Josh had taken a few deep breaths and resigned himself. Josh was thankful that Steven was going so slow.
Steven took his belt then, and carefully pulled out the belt-tail. He pulled on it a little more to release the pin from the hole, then undid it all the way and pulled the belt out. Steven's hands were shaking the most as he tired to unbutton the top button on his shorts. Josh's body quivered too, especially when he started pulling down the zipper.
There was no doubt about it now, Steven could fully see his underwear, and that view only increased as he took his shorts by their bottoms and pulled. Once the waist-line of his shorts were past his butt, they dropped to the floor. Now Josh only had his little white briefs and a pair of socks covering him.
"So very beautiful...." Steven said again.
This time, Steven actually did brush his hand against Josh's chest, and that touch sent quivers down his entire body, causing him to shake like a leaf. He was so afraid, standing here in front of Steven like this. Everything inside him was telling him what he was doing was wrong. But battling almost equally as hard within him was his desire to give Steven what he wanted.
"Can I... take down... your underwear?"
Josh breathed out a hard a couple more times, resigning himself for what was coming. He was going to do this for Steven, he was going to let him see, like he really wanted. Finally, he nodded his head. Steven's trembling fingers then hooked themselves inside his briefs, until he had them pulled out from his waste a bit, then he began to pull down. Before long, his entire front was exposed, with his back soon to follow as Steven pulled them down his legs.
Luckily, Josh wasn't hard. If he had been, he wouldn't have known what to do. But still, the urge to cover himself was SO great. He had to fight hard to keep his hands at his sides, especially when he saw that Steven was looking straight at it.
"You're so... very perfect.," Steven said, his voice sounding kind of breathy.
It felt so weird having Steven look at him like this. He supposed Steven had wanted to look at him like this for a long time, but it still felt so strange. Steven was... his piano teacher, and even his music teacher at school. He was his favorite teacher in the world, someone who he looked up to so much, that he found himself doing everything he could to make him proud... and happy. But he never thought he would be doing something like this. But now that he knew that this is what Steven really wanted, he was going to do his best to make him happy.
"So... what do you want to do next?" Josh asked, though even as he said the words, his whole body quivered.
"You don't have to do anything more for me if you don't want. Just seeing you like this... I can't tell you how thankful I am." Still, even as Steven said it, he could not remove his eyes from his body. It's as if Steven's eyes were searching every square inch of him. "Just... let me look at you for a little longer."
Josh stayed there, trying his best to relax and not let his fear overwhelm him. He knew Steven must be enjoying this, the way his eyes searched him, and by the slight smile he wore. At the same time, he knew he wanted to do more, due to the slight tremble of his hand the few times he brought it up as if to touch him, then set it back down. Steven still wanted to do more, Josh knew it. Josh tried very hard to work up the courage to say as much.
"You can... you can touch me if you want," Josh said in a very small voice.
Steven bit his lower lip, then slowly raised his trembling hand to touch his chest again. Like before, it sent shivers all throughout his body. He didn't know why it should feel so strange, Steven had touched him plenty of times before. But now that he didn't have any clothes on, and was completely exposed to Steven's view, it felt very different. It didn't feel bad though. Steven's fingers were very warm, and they barely brushed across his skin. It felt really strange though, almost tingly, as they moved across his stomach, and his sides.
"Can I... can I pick you up and put you on the bed?" Steven asked very softly.
Josh could only nod his head slightly, knowing that this meant that things would go further. His body tensed up again, especially as Steven leaned forward to grab him, but Steven was very careful, standing up and carefully scooping him into his arms. Very gently, Steven laid him down on the bed, making sure that a pillow was under his head for him to rest on. Lastly, Steven pulled off his socks, and set them down where the rest of his clothes where.
"Is it alright if I kiss you?" When Steven asked, he wasn't sure if he meant on the lips, or somewhere else, but he nodded his head anyways.
Steven's hands then pressed much more firmly onto his body, his whole hand roaming around his chest, even gliding across his nipples. Then he could actually feel his lips touch his chest. Josh had to look down to really believe it, but it was actually happening. Steven was planting little kisses all over his chest, and even on his belly. He even kissed him directly on each nipple. He kissed him down his arms, and on his hands, actually kissing each finger separately. Then he moved up to his face. He kissed him on each cheek, on his forehead, on his chin, then very softy right on his lips.
"I love you so so very much Josh. I... I just can't tell you how much I love you," Steven said, using a finger to stroke his cheek.
Once Steven had pulled back a little, Josh smiled back at him. "I... I love you too."
Steven looked at him with a smile of such love. But at the same time, washed with something else as well. IT was a look Josh wasn't familiar with at all. "My beautiful beautiful boy."
It was then something seemed to change in Steven. It was as if something had been holding him all this time... and now it was slipping. Steven moved to cup the back of his head with one of his hands, and moved to kiss him again, this time much more firmly.
Like he had done the week before, Josh actually felt Steven's tongue poke into his mouth. Even though Josh's urge to tense up was great, he opened up his mouth, allowing Steven swirl his tongue around. Steven continued to touch him, using his one hand to rub across his skin. This time though, Steven's rubbing was much quicker and firmer... and more frantic. Steven also lifted him up a little and rubbed his back, then actually moved his hand over his butt.
As Steven's hand moved around, his kissing got even more urgent. Josh thought about pulling away, and asking him to stop, but he couldn't. On top of that, he began to feel a whole bunch of strange sensations as Steven brought has hand down the outside of one of his legs, then back up the inside. When Steven did that, Josh felt his whole body convulse and shiver. The inside of his legs and his inner thighs felt so sensitive when Steven touched them. It caused Josh's heart rate to speed up tremendously, and his breathing to quicken. The feelings he felt when Steven rubbed his hands through there, then back up his stomach and chest... they were unlike anything he felt before. They were so powerful, and all of it coupled with Steven's kissing, Josh could only lie there, feeling completely overwhelmed.
None of that could prepare Josh for what happened next however. Steven's fingers actually touched Josh's penis, and then, even more than that, they actually started moving across it. Josh drew in an intensely sharp breath. No one had touched him down there before, and even he had try to limit his own touching. Ever since his mother had told him it was so bad.... Now Steven was touching him down there, actually moving his fingers up and down it, and playing with the foreskin at the end. If Steven's touches on his legs had sent shivers though his body, this was sending great flashing tidal waves. Then Josh felt something he had really only felt once before. He felt his penis begin to harden, and each time Steven ran his fingers up and down it, it got harder and harder.
Fear swelled up inside Josh's body. This was exactly the feeling he wasn't supposed to feel, the very thing that father Roberts, and his mother were probably talking about. Josh wanted to scream at Steven to stop, to stop before his penis got any harder, and stop before any more waves of feelings could shoot through his body again. But he couldn't... he couldn't tell Steven to stop. When Josh opened his eyes, he noticed Steven had stopped kissing his mouth, and was kissing all around his body again, his fingers still sliding up and down his penis. Steven had his eyes closed, and was using his other hand to feel all around his body, but then it also went down between his legs. Josh sucked in another sharp intake of breath as he felt that hand cup his scrotum, then slide along inside the crack of his butt.
For some reason, Josh still didn't say anything, even when Steven grabbed his penis even tighter between his fingers, actually tying to pull down on his foreskin. For the first time in his life, he could see his head trying to become exposed as the foreskin expanded around it. The head looked oddly purple and bulbous shaped as the pee-slit became visible. It was completely foreign to his vision. More than seeing it though, the feeling was turning into something quite painful.
"Ah.. Ah... AH Agheee." Josh let out as the skin came down a little bit more.
Josh could feel sweat break out all across his little body as his legs became very stiff.
"Josh... your foreskin is so tight. I can tell you haven't tried to push your head through it yet, have you?" Steven asked, his voice sounding so thick, and different from how it sounded before.
Josh could only shake his head. He had no idea what to say. The feelings racking though his body were some completely foreign to him that he could barely make sense out of them.
"I'm going to try pushing your head through. It may hurt a little bit, but I promise it will be over quickly."
Josh could only ball up his fists at his sides as Steven continued to pull down on his foreskin. Sharp, white hot pain flooded through his penis as the foreskin inched further and further down it. Then, the skin seemed to go over the widest part, and slid easily down the rest of it. Once it was though, the pain seemed to melt away instantly, replaced with a very different set of feelings.
"God... it's so beautiful. It's so very perfect. It's... out of this world."
Without saying another word, Steven brought it to his lips and stuck his tongue out, licking around the head. Josh couldn't believe Steven was doing this. He couldn't believe he was licking the little head of his penis, and at the same time using his fingers to move his foreskin up and down the rest of his tiny shaft, and the other hand to massage the balls inside his scrotum. Then a feeling that caught him completely off guard begin to build up inside it. It begin to build up into a burning sensation that he felt slipping out of his control.
"Steven... Steven, stop! I have to... I have to go pee REALLY BAD!" Josh really didn't want to pee, right when Steven was doing this to him.
But Steven didn't stop. If anything, it just made him go faster, taking all of Josh's little penis into his mouth. Josh's body went completely out of his control. He desperately grabbed onto the sheets below him, trying to hold on for dear life. Then his penis began to spasm, and it actually felt like something was coming out. "Ah.. Ahh.. Ahhhh...." Josh groaned out loud, right before his body collapsed.
It took him several long moments to catch his breath and come back down to Earth. Steven's mouth had left it. He had backed up a little and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently. Josh was still trying to process what had just happened, trying to get his brain to catch up. It had all occurred so fast, right after Steven started kissing him. It was as if that kiss had done something to him, and sent him out of control all over his body. That transformation had truly scared him, especially when he started touching it. But now, Steven seemed to be himself again, and was only squeezing his hand gently. When Josh looked down at Steven however, he could tell something else was wrong.
"Josh... I'm... I'm SO sorry. I'm so SO sorry. I... I know I shouldn't have done that to you. You... weren't ready for it, but I did it anyways. I was so afraid something like this would happen. I... I have betrayed your trust again," Steven said in a very shaky voice.
Steven's face was buried in the sheets, and his hand was now trembling in his own. Part of Josh felt like crying as well, but it was only because he could see how affected by this Steven was. Josh knew Steven had done something... something he wasn't supposed to do. But... at the same time, Josh had let it happen, and had done nothing to stop it. The feelings... they had been too powerful, and too overwhelming to stop... especially at the end. He had felt like he was going to explode. He had never, ever had feelings like that before. His whole body had felt like it had been on fire. Even though it had been painful when Steven forced his foreskin down, the rest had been... an entirely different kind of feeling.
Josh looked down at his penis. It had become limp again, and looked pretty much like it always had. The foreskin at the top looked stretched a little more than usual, but it didn't really hurt. If anything, he actually felt kind of relaxed. Steven however, who was still lying by his side with his head in the sheets and his hand grasping his own, was clearly not relaxed. Josh didn't know whether he should be mad at him or not. Part of him said he should be screaming at him and crying himself right now, screaming at him for doing the bad thing that he did. But he just didn't feel that way. Steven had done what he wanted to do, and even when he had been kissing and doing those things to him, he could still tell how much he loved him. This was just his way of showing it, he guessed.
It took him a lot of courage, but Josh was finally able to sit up, and put a hand on Steven's shoulder. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you," Josh said quietly.
Finally, Steven was able to sit himself up. Josh could see how red his eyes were. It almost pained him to see Steven looking like this. Steven was still holding his hand. "I took too much from you, didn't I? I took too much without your consent, and I... I pushed you too fast. Didn't I...."
Josh thought about it all. Maybe he had done too much, and done some things he shouldn't have. He definitely knew he had done things that would make his mom very very mad, but the truth was... it didn't really make him that mad. He had only wished Steven hadn't gone so fast, and had given him more time to understand what was happening. But... he could forgive him, because he knew Steven loved him, even if he had gotten a little out of control. He knew Steven wouldn't have done anything to really hurt him. Still... he wanted to understand better what had happened.
"Steven... at the end... when I felt like I had to go pee... what happened? Did I actually... you know?" Josh asked, his face going a little red.
Steven actually smiled a little. It was the first time he had seen him truly smile in a while. "Oh no honey, nothing came out. It's supposed to feel that way."
Josh looked at him questioningly. "It is?"
Steven nodded. "Yes. You had an orgasm, probably the first one you ever had. Remember when we were talking about it earlier?"
Then Josh did remember. Steven had said it could happened when you rubbed it, and that must have been exactly what had happened. Josh nodded his head in understanding.
"You see... when you get older, semen will start coming out when you orgasm, but... you still probably have a few more years before that will happen," Steven said.
"What about pee though, why doesn't it come out?" Josh asked.
"Because when you get hard, it kind of blocks it off, so the semen can come out instead," Steven tried to explain.
Josh thought about it some more, trying to absorb it. Still it seemed like a lot to handle, but he didn't feel as scared about it anymore. He really only had one other question left that was bugging him.
"Why did it... why did it hurt so much when you... pulled my foreskin down?" Josh asked, his face still red from asking all these questions.
Steven breathed out hard. "That was probably something I shouldn't have done. I could tell your foreskin was tight, and that you had never had your head out before. And that's fine. The only way to really get it out is for you to become hard, and you probably hadn't tried to make that kind of effort before. But for some kids, it could be painful to become hard because their foreskin is too tight. The only way to solve that is to try and push the head through, and once it's though, most kids are okay."
When Steven said most, he could tell that there must have been some who weren't. What happened to them? "Are there... some kids who can't?"
Steven nodded. "Yes. For some, the foreskin is just too tight, and eventually, it can become infected. They would have to go see a doctor, and the doctor would do it for them. If the doctor can't, then they have to be circumcised."
Josh thought he knew what that was. It was when they had to cut off your foreskin. He had heard something about that in health class.
"But now... that you did it for me.... I'll be okay?" Josh asked.
"You will be just fine. You should be able to have an orgasm anytime you want now without it hurting," Steven smiled, even though Josh could tell his face was a little red as well.
"You mean... I can have it anytime I want?" Josh asked, still unable to grasp the concept.
"Of course. That's what masturbation is all about," Steven said.
Josh still looked doubtful. "But that's probably not something I should be doing yet, is it?"
Steven only smiled and shook his head. "I'm sure there are boys out there who started masturbating as young as ten. Though... they probably discovered it for themselves, or maybe saw their bigger brother doing it. Whether you do it or not... it's really up to you. It's your body." Then Steven paused for a long moment. "But, I promise I will not do something like that to you again unless you ask. It should be completely up to you what happens to your body."
Josh was definitely going to have to give all of this a lot of thought. He knew this wasn't going to be something he could decide on quickly, even if Steven already had done it to him once. It was all so much to take in, it was a completely new world he knew nothing about. Well... he guessed that wasn't true any more, now he definitely knew something about it.
Steven however, still looked a little worried, sitting there. At some point, their hands had become separated. Josh scooted a little closer, still naked as the day he was born, and kissed Steven on the cheek. Steven looked up at him in surprise at first, but then smiled a smile of utter contentment.
Josh could tell that now Steven knew he had forgiven him.