Date: Wed, 2 Oct 2002 18:56:09 +1200 From: Arthur Subject: the vision part 11 adult/ youth THE VISION Part eleven By Arthur The Dawning of The Age of Aquarius: I pushed open my eyes to see that it was only 6.30 and wondered what it had been to wake me at this hour, even though for years I had been an early riser these last few months I had been lying in bed a lot more and it was unusual for me to be awake at this hour, maybe old habits were returning now that my former life was getting back on track and I had a reason to become more motivated, namely the one that was laying behind me trying to drill holes in my back. Ahh enlightenment, thats what it was, the sureptitious prodding from my little friend and his early morning needs,I moved to lay on my back only to have him wiggle up close to my side again and by the look of his eyes he was still in dream land. I know that at my age we should not be in this position and I could only reconcile it as feeling right somehow and without the sexual overtones although these were in the back of my mind and were somehow included, after all he was damn cute and so much in need of someone to love and protect him. I had a lot to do today,and then I would have to prepare him for what I hoped would be a special meeting later in the week with my old friend in the DCYFS, if all went well then there would be a lot of changes for my cute little friend with the drilling rig. I slid out from under the covers and after the usual morning flush out in the toilet I made my way to the kitchen, almost forgetting where it was in what I was now calling 'our' new home, to get my first eye opener of the day. Once the coffee was ready I took it into the lounge and sat in front of the window looking out onto the bay and to my other 'baby'tied to 'our'dock as I sipped the hot brew, the thoughts of the type of business I could now start and how to best look after Benny 's future. A small noise startled me back to the here and now and as I turned toward the bedroom a vision from the gods appeared, small hands rubbing sleep from his eyes and preceeded by an in built flag pole about 4" long and pointing straight out in front. An almost plaintive cry came from his soft red lips. "John..John..oh there you are." "Whats the matter bud?" "I woke up and you wern't there and I was lonely." "It's ok son, come on , come over here." Benny still in a half daze made his way over to me until he was standing between my legs still trying to see where he was, then he leaned into me and wrapped his arms around my neck and put his head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around his slender back and then quietly said into his ear. "Isn't there something you should take care of first, son?" He leaned back a little to see my face. "What?" I looked down at his flag pole waving around in the front of him,an embarressed look came to his face but not as bad as the last time. "Oh, sorry, I'll just go to the toilet." "Ok, you do that then come back, I like your hugs in the morning." Benny took off to the bathroom and I got up to get another coffee and wondered if this was the time to start to talk about what I was going to try to do and to find out if it's what he wanted as well,although from earlier things he had said I was pretty sure he would want the same as I did, but, I had to respect his decsion and let him make the final commitment if that's what he wanted. I turned back to the lounge expecting to see him come back all dressed and ready for the day ahead, instead there he was waiting beside the chair still in his small red briefs and as soon as I sat he was on my lap with arms around my neck and head on my shoulder and with a big sigh of relief settled down while I drank my coffee. We sat there like that for about ten minutes and then in a soft voice Benny said. "John?" "Yes son?" "If I told you something terrible about me would you still want me to visit you?" "Of course I would want you to 'visit' but I dont think there could be anything terrible about you." "What if it was really..really bad?" I felt that this was the time to let him know how I felt about him and I'm sure he was looking for some reasurance that I was not going to throw him away just because he had a secret that he thought was terrible. I reached under his arms and lifted him around until he was astride my lap with a leg on either side and facing me, I then looked right into his eyes to let him know I was serious about what I was going to say. "Benny, there's nothing about you that could be bad enough for me to stop you from being here with me anytime you wanted to be." "But this is really bad." "Ok, so tell me and let me decide how bad it is." He dropped his head and his hands sqirmed in his lap as he tried to find the courage to tell me his terrible secret. "John, the boys at school...uhm...well...uhm...they...ahh...call me...uhm...you know uhm...queer." I wrapped my arms around him as the tears began to fall and the sobs started to shake his shoulders. "Sh..sh.. it's ok little man, it's ok, they're just being mean to you, it doesn't mean that you are, it's just name calling, come on, sh.. it's ok" I gentley rubbed his back as he continued to sob and then as he settled down he looked up into my eyes again and burst into another flood of tears, then through the sobs he said. "But John they're right, I am queer, just like they say." "Shh...it's ok," I kept rubbing his back. "what makes you think that you're different?" I hated that particullar name, it brought back to many unwanted memories from years gone by. With a last sniffle and wiping of his eyes he looked up again with a new determination now that his biggest secret was out in the open and he could see by the look on my face that I was not about to throw him out of 'our' house. "I look at other men and I want to see them without their clothes." "That doesn't make you the way you think you are, a lot of boys look at other boys when they are young like you, it's a part of growing up, it's quite normal, you'll probably grow out of it when you meet the right girl." "You don't understand John." "It's not other boys I like to look at, it's older men, I want to be with them, you know, in that way, you know, in bed with them." "Well you may be looking for a father figure, did you think of that?" "No I dont want them to be my father, I just want to go to bed, you know, to do things." "Is that how you think of me as well?" "Oh no John,well yes, but no, I mean, I want you to be my dad, my real dad,but I want to.. well you know, do more as well." "How long have you been thinking like this, you know, about things like this?" "Since I was about twelve I think." "Did you ever do anything, or were you just looking and dreaming?" "OH no I never did anything, it was just dreaming, but then when I saw you that night at the beach and you looked so unhappy, and I felt so unhappy at the same time, I just knew that you should be my real dad and I felt real good when you came out of the water and sat with me, then when you were worried about me and took me home so I wouldn't be alone I just knew it was you that I was meant to meet." When he had finished he was quite breathless and collapsed back onto my chest heaving a huge sigh of relief that at last it was said,I held him tighter as a few more small sobs came and he clasped me tighter. "John,I'm so sorry,I didn't want to be like this, but if you don't want me now could you lend me some money and I'll get a bus home so you won't be angry with me and won't have to see me anymore to make you ashamed of me." I felt the tears running down my cheeks as this marvelous boy opened his heart to me with his greatest fears, then could only think of how I would be ashamed of him and never want to see him again, such a small boy with such a grown heart. "Benny..Benny,Dont be upset,I know how hard it was for you to tell me those things and you must believe me when I say that it was the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do, and don't you worry about it, there's nothing you could do, or be, that would make me want to give up on you." Benny leant back again to look closer into my face to see if I was just being nice or if I really meant what I said. "You really mean it don't you?" "Yes Benny, I really mean it, and now that you've told me, it's time for me to be more truthful with you." "I'm like you, but I like younger men than I am,I have always known that,but the minute I was able to see you properly that night after I heard how you were living, all I could think of was having you for the son I never had, it's true that I would have liked to..uhm .. shall we say..play with you,but I knew I could never do that to you, apart from being Illegal,I would have felt I was taking advatage of your situation at that time,do you understand?" "Yes John,you mean that you want me for your son, but does that mean even though I want to ...ahh play with you that we can't?" I gave him a big hug and cuddled him closer. "I think we should just wait and see how things turn out for the moment, don't you?" "But..uhm,,, I really want to be your son,..uhm,..but I really want to do more too." "Benny,thats what I would like as well but I'm not going to do anything until we have a few things sorted out, so If you will be patient for a week or so and see what happens then I think we should sit down again and discuss this further, does that sound fair to you?" "yes John,that's fair,see you're just like the dad I always wanted to have." I pulled him close to me again and gave him the best cuddle I could come up with and at the same time stroked his hair while rocking him a little. "If you can become my son I'm going to remember this day as the proudest moment we have ever had and how brave you were." "Do you really think I can become your son?" "Well that's what I was going to discuss with you today, there might be a way for me to do it,I have a friend who owes me a few favours,he works for the DCYFS and if anyone can find a way he can, but it'll be difficult for you, you'll have to tell him everything about you and how you've been living at the foster home, but I dont think you should say anything about what we talked about today though." "Oh John if we really could,I don't care what they ask, I just want to be here with you." "Hey look at the time, it's nearly 8.30, we better have some breakfast don't you think, what would you like, for being so brave today you can have anything you want." "Really anything?" "Yes anything." A very pert and slightly sly smile came over his face as the cogs and wheels turned in his pretty little head. "Anything, right?" "That's what I said." "He he he, guesse what we having for breakfast?...ah...dad." "What we having, son?" With a wriggle and a a shout he said. "Dels." I laughed out loud tickling him on the ribs and as he sqirmed around on my lap I said. "You monkey, you set me up for this, so who's paying, you still have plenty on your account there." "Oh no dad,this'll be the second time and I don't have to this time, this one's all your's" "I can see I'm going to have to keep an eye on you, monkey, ok this ones on me, now off you go, shower and change, hey, in your room, I'm going to have to get cleaned up as well and this is no time to start saving water." There was a flash of sun tanned skin and red briefs as he ran to his room, 'Well' I thought'it looks as though it's a go' then it hit me, he had changed so quickly from calling me John to calling me 'dad' that I had not even noticed,ahh the resilience of youth, but damn it felt good. To Be Continued: