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Chapter 19. Hopelessly in love with my boys...

    The doorbell rang, again loudly reverberating through our hallway...
I HAD to do something to silence that wicked thing, or buy a new one as soon as possible!
Grinning inwardly about my obvious lack of initiative, I went to the front door.
I opened it, and Davey entered our house with a broad smile on his face.
    He threw his arms around my waist, and told my chest:

    "Hi, Dad! It's good to see you again. I dreamed about you, and it was a nice dream."

    "Oh yeah? Well, I am glad it wasn't a nightmare. Come in! Your friends are playing one of your famous computer games, looking for hidden caves...
"By the way, do you happen to know anything about doorbells that are too loud?"

    Davey looked up at the small thing over his head, and went outside to push the bell knob again...
He grinned at its loudly reverberating sound, and pushed the wicked thing a second time.
    He nodded his head, and asked me:

    "Do you have a ladder, and a tissue?"

    "There's a ladder in the garage, and the tissues are on the table in the living room."

    He went to the living room, and returned with John, little Harry, and a packet of tissues.
Our threesome went to the garage, and returned carrying my old wooden ladder and a screwdriver.
John put the ladder against the wall beneath the doorbell and held it in place, while Davey climbed the steps to have a look at the bell...

    Soon, he nodded, and asked his friends:

    "Please, hand me the screwdriver and a tissue..."

    Little Harry put the screwdriver and the packet of tissues into his back pocket; and enthusiastically clambered next to Davey.
Thirty seconds later, Davey had opened the bell and propped a small piece of tissue in between a tiny hammer and some shiny round thing.
Little Harry and he checked its position, closed the bell carefully, and climbed down with big grins on their faces.

    Our smallest technician went outside to push the bell knob again...
The result was astonishing!
This time, our bell produced only a pleasant soft and melodious sound.
Finally, we had a nicely sounding bell, sigh...

    Feeling very grateful, I ruffled their hair, and told them:

    "Wow! I am truly amazed by your technical skills. Thank you very much, for repairing my bell and letting it sound like it should."

    Davey beamed, and helped John and little Harry carry the ladder to our garage.
I went to the kitchen, and switched the coffee machine on to brew myself another cup of coffee.
Then, I went to the living room, to gather the empty glasses and coffee cups.
I washed them, added a third glass, and filled them with cola.

    When I returned into the living room, our three musketeers were already plundering the cookie jar.
I chuckled, handed them their colas, and helped them with the plundering.
It felt good to be a little boy again, now and then...

    Enthusiastically, little Harry started to tell Davey everything about his conversation with Michail.
He was very happy that his people finally found him, and that his clan would visit us tomorrow morning.
Then, he fell silent, and stared into space...

    After some time, he turned towards me, and told me with a tiny voice:

    "Dad, I cannot stop thinking... I hope my people will take me back to my own country and my mountains, because I belong there where my real home is.
"At the same time, I also hope they will allow me to remain here, with you and my friends. Here, I can have my new face; and, in my own country, that would be impossible...
"But, what if they leave the decision to me? I don't want to miss you and my friends, but I also don't want to miss the chance to return to my mountains and my woods...
"Can't you go with me to my own country? There, we can live together, and I will teach you how to set up a trap and how to beg for food in a gadjo town."

    John chuckled at the thought of having to beg; but Davey reacted serious:

    "Were you THAT poor; that you had to beg for food? Then, you are better off here!
"And, what is a 'gadjo' town? I've never heard of that word before..."

    "During the summers, we had enough food; and our grown-ups went to work in nearby towns and earned enough money to buy the necessary things.
"But, in the winter, the animals went into hibernation, and our grown-ups didn't have enough work. Then, our older kids were sent to a gadjo town, to beg for food and money...
"The word 'gadjo' is our word for an 'outsider', or for everybody else who doesn't belong to our Gypsy community. So, technically speaking, all of you are gadjo's!"

    "Well, then I am GLAD to be a gadjo, if that means I don't have to beg for food or my allowance...
"By the way, how many people will arrive here tomorrow?"

    We started to count...
Three noblemen, one interpreter, one photographer, and one secretary...
Add our lawyer, little Harry, John, maybe Davey, and me...
That makes ten or eleven people.
We would have to rearrange our furniture!

    Davey leaned into me, showed me his best puppy dog eyes:

    "Dad, may I help you tomorrow? I promise I will not be in the way."

    "My dear son, I COUNT on you! Of course, you can help me with everything. That is, if your mother agrees..."

    "If she doesn't agree, I will leave her immediately and go live with my Dad!"

    We all started to laugh.

    We put our heads together, and deliberated about how to rearrange the living room, to accommodate eleven people.
Working together, we removed the dining room table and placed our folding chairs into a circle, putting a smaller table in the middle.
John and Davey searched my CD collection, putting a few CD's aside to have some nice background music.
In the meantime, little Harry and I arranged a couple of candles; and we set out a lot of cups and glasses in the kitchen.

    Little Harry put on his mask without any help, and we went to the supermarket.
We roamed the isles, and bought everything we thought we needed to provide enough snacks for that many people.
After returning home, the boys put everything away in the refrigerator and the various cupboards.
Finally, we were ready to receive our foreign guests in style!

    Davey and John cooked our dinner, directed by little Harry as our chief cook.
First, he went into his garden, and returned with a couple of nicely smelling herbs.
Then, he sat down cross-legged on a folding chair, telling John and Davey how to slice the herbs and add some other spices.
Next, he let them cook the potatoes and the vegetables, painstakingly supervising the process.
He tasted the mashed potatoes and the prepared vegetables, and told them to add a little bit more salt...
He tasted them again, and told John to add two more drops of hot sauce into the potatoes and a little bit more butter onto the vegetables...
Finally, he was satisfied, hopped off his chair, and told us to sit down and savor our meal.

    Of course, the food tasted delicious, and we filled our stomachs and scraped the pans for the last crumbs, as usual.
Enthusiastically, I complimented my threesome with their excellent cooking skills.
They beamed, feeling very proud of themselves...

    "I think I want to be a chef when I am older," Davey grinned,
    "And, of course, Harry and John could be my assistants."

    "In your dreams!" John answered, poking Davey in the ribs,
    "Maybe, you might clean the floor in my restaurant..."

    "I think about hiring both of you as my personal kitchen staff..." little Harry announced with a smug face...

    For a moment, the kitchen fell silent...
Then, both John and Davey attacked their chief cookie
    They tickled him mercilessly, until he surrendered and squealed:

    "This is not fair. You are older than me... Dad, help me! I wet my pants. Rape!"

    I chuckled at his antics, and told John and Davey to leave the poor baby alone.
Reluctantly, they let him go; telling him that, next time, they would put a diaper on him first.
Little Harry grumbled something unintelligible, while he sent all of us a dead look...
Then, he raced upstairs, to change his trousers.

    Soon, he was back in the kitchen, again in a cheerful mood and grinning.
John and Davey washed the dishes and the cutlery; and little Harry put everything away.
I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee, and went to our couch in the living room.
From the open kitchen door, I heard my boys, having a heated discussion.

    After some time, they entered the living room and settled down next to me.
John leaned into me, showing me his best puppy dog eyes:

    "Dad, wouldn't it be easier for Davey to spend the night here?"

    Little Harry added, showing puppy dog eyes number two:

    "Yes, Dad, that way he doesn't have to walk back and forth from his house to ours!"

    I looked at Davey, and saw puppy dog eyes number three, looking up at me longingly...
I pulled my third son towards me, tickled his ribs, and ruffled his hair.
    Chuckling, I told my three musketeers:

    "Of course, spending the night here would be a LOT easier for poor Davey... but he will have to ask his mother first!"

    They jumped off the couch and raced out of the door, even forgetting to hug me.
I drank the rest of my coffee, feeling rich with my three boys.

    Soon, they were back; and Davey shouted, with beaming eyes:

    "YES! I am allowed to spend the night here. Yippee..."

    He jumped up at me, threw his arms around my neck, and tried to suffocate me.
I grinned, freed myself from my kissing octopus, and thought about the sleeping arrangements...
Of course, I could ask little Harry to sleep next to me in my double bed, so that Davey could use his empty folding bed to sleep in...
None of them would have any problems with my temporary solution.

    What if Jack kept his promise, sending me even more kids to help and guide them?
Chuckling, I thought I would have to buy a bigger house...
Or, raise the roof and rebuild the attic, to be able to accommodate all of them...


    My three sons wanted to play a game on our computer.
However, this time, I told them I needed it myself, to look up a couple of important things...
They told me to hurry up; and raced upstairs, laughing and pushing each other as usual, to show Davey their rooms.

    Smiling at their happiness, I sat down in front of the screen, started a well-known search engine, and typed in 'Gypsy'...
Within a moment, many sites showed up about so-called 'Romany' and their relatively unknown culture.
I chose one that looked promising, and started to read...

    The site told me about an elaborate culture from the Balkan countries, consisting of around forty million people.
Every non-Gypsy despises them, and nobody outside their clans seems to trust them or wants to have them nearby.
They are always hunted, chased away, and even caught and murdered; from the early Middle Ages up to the present.
They are very proud of themselves and of their ancient culture; and do not want to mix with 'gadjo', as they name all other people.
Their belief forbids them to live in the same place where one of them dies; and that is why they live in their caravans, ready to move on immediately if necessary.
They always have only one King or absolute Leader; and, after he dies, his son takes over.
The Leader mixes with his own people; and you cannot recognize him by his clothes or by any other characteristics, other than his known Royal Heritage.
The Romany, or 'Gypsies' as they proudly call themselves, live mostly from trading goods and manual labor; and, if necessary to stay alive, from begging.
Nobody outside their clans really knows them, as they are very self-sufficient and proud, carefully concealing their culture from every gadjo.
They don't use money amongst each other; but are forced to use it in our modern gadjo world, to be able to buy food and clothes for their children...

    Three excited boys tumbled down the stairs and bolted into the living room; immediately surrounding me, while John asked me:

    "Dad, do you have a moment of your precious time for us? We would like to have a little talk with you..."

    I laughed at John's cautious use of words, and nodded.
Of course, I wouldn't dare deny them even the tiniest bit of my precious time!
What were they up to?

    I rose from my chair; and my threesome followed me to our couch, where we sat down.
Little Harry took his usual and comfortable place on my lap, and John and Davey leaned into my sides...
    Hesitantly, John opened the conversation:

    "Dad, Davey wants to ask you an important question, but he doesn't know you well enough and is a bit afraid to ask...
"He wants to spend the night with us, but he is also afraid to have one of his nasty nightmares while nobody is there to reassure him...
"Sometimes, he dreams that his father crawls into his bed and abuses him again. If this happens, he always goes to his mother's bed and sleeps there to feel safe again.
"Now, he wants to ask you, if he happens to have a nightmare, will you let him sleep in your bed to make him feel safe?
"I told him about Harry's nightmare; and how you cuddled him and reassured him until he fell asleep; and Davey wants you to give him the same treatment...
"Besides, Harry himself doesn't remember anything about that nightmare, and he feels very surprised about his screaming and fighting."

    Little Harry nodded vigorously, letting himself melt into me even deeper.
I looked at Davey; but he stared at his wriggling toes and didn't dare to look up...

    Suddenly, something very strange happened.
I thought about taking Davey into my arms; and, at the same moment, little Harry freed himself from my embrace.
He hopped off my lap, and went to John to crawl onto his lap!
How the heck did my little soul mate know what I wanted to do?
Was he really reading my thoughts?
I stared at him in surprise, but he smiled back and didn't say a word...

    I turned towards Davey, and asked my nervous third son:

    "Davey, please, come here..."

    Invitingly, I opened my arms towards him...
For a moment, Davey seemed to hesitate, but then he slid off the couch and crawled onto my lap.
    I put my arms around his trembling body, and told him:

    "What do you think... Would I ever send one of my sons away, unless there was a very urgent reason to do so?
"You are my third son, and I am very happy to have you around. You can always count on me, and I will never deny you any help.
"If you have a nightmare, or don't feel well, please, don't hesitate to come to me for help or advice. I promise that I will always be there for you."

    Davey relaxed somewhat, heaving a couple of deep sighs.
I kissed the top of his head, and he tried to relax some more and started to cry...
    Sobbing, now and then stuttering from his emotions, he told me:

    "My father only took me into his arms when he abused me. I always wanted to get away as fast as possible, but he was too strong and didn't let me go...
"He even woke me up in the middle of the night, forcing me to play with his penis until white stuff sprayed all over me.
"I always thought that every father did these things to his own children; but I hated it, and I was always afraid to be alone with him...
"Now, I love you, and I am sure I can trust you and that you will never abuse me... but my inside is still afraid to sit on your lap, and my body trembles with fear."

    He started to cry his heart out, desperately clamping onto my arms.
Inwardly, I cried with him, pitying him for having such a beast of a father!
How, for heaven's sake, could any man abuse such a lovable child...

    Again, I decided to do everything I could to make up for Davey's lack of a REAL Dad.
From now on, I would be there for him, always and everywhere!
Then, little Harry hopped off John's lap, and put his small arms around Davey's neck.
    He hugged Davey tenderly, and whispered into his ear:

    "Let it go, Davey, and don't bottle it up. In a few minutes, you will feel a lot better."

    Davey cried for quite a while; all the time clamping onto my arms with all his might.

    Little Harry and I continued to whisper soothing little words into his ears, trying to make him feel even more loved, while John sent him all the love he could muster.
At last, Davey's sobs slowly diminished, and his death grip started to relax.
John brought him a glass of water, and offered him a couple of tissues to blow his nose.
Patiently, we waited until our sobbing friend would be himself again...

    Finally, Davey started to look around hesitantly.
Little Harry took another tissue; and tenderly dried Davey's eyes, one by one.
    Hesitantly, my third son looked up at me, showing a faint smile:

    "Sorry, Dad, for being such a crybaby... I hope I am not too much of a nuisance?"

    "Son... to me, you will NEVER be a nuisance. Please, give yourself an enormous hug, for crying and freeing yourself from your built-up frustrations..."

    "Thank you, Dad, for making me feel better. Also thank you, Harry and John, for your support.
"Now, I am no longer afraid to sit on Dad's lap and in his arms!"

    This is what I had hoped for!
I felt thankful, for being able to help my third son.
I also felt grateful for my other sons, who immediately helped their crying friend.
Both of them had hearts of gold!

    My three sons went to our computer, to play one of Davey's new games.
Soon, they were fighting dangerous monsters and looking for hidden secrets.
Now and then, one of them shouted a loud Indian howl, when they defeated the next nasty adversary...

    I started to think about our pending visit tomorrow.
My lawyer told me there were at least three noblemen, bringing little Prince Harold's papers...
Would they be substitute leaders, reigning until their little King would be old enough to take over?
What would they do?
Would they try to take their little Prince home, by proving their 'ownership' over him?
However, they also asked for my permission to take some pictures...
Did that mean they accepted my guardianship over little Harry?
Or, would I be merely a 'gadjo' to them...

    The room started to get dark, so I stood up and switched on a couple of lights.
The boys got tired of their computer monsters, rubbed their eyes, and started to yawn.
In unison, we decided to call it a day and go to bed...

    We went upstairs, and John and little Harry went to their own rooms to undress.
Davey hesitated in the hallway, and looked at me questioningly...
    I decided to tease him a bit, trying to release the remainder of his tension:

    "I hope you are not going to run off naked again? It will be chilly outside."

    Davey looked at me with an unsure face, and started to grin timidly...
Suddenly, he jumped up at me, trying to let me catch him; but he took me by surprise.
He tried to hold onto my neck, as he had seen the other boys do...
However, he did it a bit awkwardly, and both of us tumbled backwards and landed on the floor.

    I tried to disentangle myself from him, complaining:

    "Take it easy, please; remember that I am an old man!"

    "You are a prehistoric grandpa!" Davey teased me, trying to pin my arms.

    Then, John and little Harry showed up, both naked and ready for the shower.

    "Attack of the werewolves!" John grinned, helping Davey by pinning my legs.

    "Attack of the green aliens!" little Harry shouted, jumping into the pile.

    Working together, they pinned their 'prehistoric grandpa' to the floor...

    "This time, we got your body, your heart, and your soul!" little Harry declared...

    "Yeah... You can be absolutely sure of that." I told him with a straight face.

    "Huh?... I think you are not only a prehistoric grandpa, but also way too serious!"

    Chuckling, they let me go, with a promise to get me back later.
John and little Harry raced to the shower, while Davey hastily shucked his clothes in the hallway.
Fortunately, he wasn't shy; and, of course, I had already seen him naked before.
I decided to help him regain a bit more self-confidence...
Unexpectedly, I pulled him towards me and lifted his naked body into my arms.

    For a second, I saw his old fear returning into his eyes, and his body stiffened...
Then, he started to smile and melted into my arms, letting himself go completely.
Yes! He trusted me; and my heart leapt up in my chest with joy.
This was the most important step towards his healing, and I felt very grateful.

    I kissed his forehead, and told him I was very proud of my third son.
Then, I carried him towards the shower and tossed him under the warm water stream, next to my other boys.
His eyes beamed, and he had a smile on his face from ear to ear.
I shuddered by thinking this could be the first time a man carried him to a shower without having any ulterior motives...

    The boys started to lather their bodies and wash their hair, while we talked.
I told them about my sleeping dilemma; and little Harry immediately wanted to share John's bed.
That way, Davey could sleep in his empty bed and even use his new desk.
I thanked my little soul mate; and told him I loved his body, his heart, and his soul...
Then, I had to leave in a hurry, because all of them started to splash me with water, and I was still wearing all my clothes.

    After their shower, John and little Harry went to John's bedroom and crawled under the blankets.
I hugged them, kissed their foreheads, and wished them goodnight.
They entangled each other, closed their eyes, and were asleep within a minute.
I grinned, and went to little Harry's bedroom, hesitantly followed by Davey...

    Davey crawled under the blankets, and I kissed his forehead and wished him goodnight.
All at once, he threw his arms around my neck, and offered me a big kiss.
    With tears in his eyes, he told me:

    "I really love being your son; and I wish I could live here forever, with you as my Dad and John and Harry as my brothers."

    "Well, you live quite nearby; thus I think we will see you here very often..."

    "Yes! And, Dad? Please, could you leave a small night light on?"

    "Yes, of course! I will leave your door slightly open, and the hallway light is on. Is that enough light for you?"

    Davey nodded, with a look of relief on his face.
He turned onto his side and closed his eyes, while I left his bedroom, leaving the door slightly open.

    I went straight to my own bedroom, undressed, and took a nice hot shower.
Next, I crawled under the blankets, hugged my pillow, and closed my eyes to have some sleep.
Tomorrow would be an important day...

    Ten minutes later, my door slowly opened.
Hesitantly, Davey put his head through the gap and peeked into my bedroom...
I chuckled at his prudence; and clicked the lights on, feeling curious about what he wanted.
    Invitingly patting the empty space next to me, I asked him:

    "Yes, Davey? Please, come in, and know that you will always be welcome here."

    "Dad? Sorry... I don't want to be a nuisance, but my scar itches awfully... Please, do you have some baby oil, or baby powder, to rub into it?"

    "Well, unfortunately, I only have a small bottle of massage oil. Will that do?"

    "I don't know... But could you wash it off, if it doesn't help?"

    I took the small bottle of oil from my nightstand, and told him:

    "Okay, let's give it a try... Where is your scar?"

    To my surprise, Davey shucked his briefs and positioned himself onto my bed with both legs towards me.
He took a pillow and put it under his lower back, so that his bum lifted off the bed.
He brought his ankles towards his shoulders and separated his butt cheeks with his hands, giving me an unrestricted view...
Obviously, he had done this before!

    Suddenly, I stared in surprise at this little boy's pucker; the first one I ever saw.
I could clearly see a huge dark ring around a small puckered hole... but it had a red scar and was stitched by at least six nasty stitches.
Involuntarily, I swallowed and held my breath, suddenly feeling nauseous...
What the heck had his 'father' done to his own son?
What a terrible beast!
This boy was traumatized in his most private place for the remainder of his life...
With a hissing sound, I released my breath, trying to suppress my anger.

    Davey looked at me, with his face in between his ankles, and sighed:

    "I know, Dad. Even the nurses in the hospital cursed, and one of them almost fainted, when they saw my wounds for the first time.
"My father tried to force his penis into my butt, but I was too small for his dick. Then, he tried to open me, using a couple of his fingers...
"I screamed from the pain, but he held his hand over my mouth and told me to shut up, because every father had to do this to his own son when he was old enough...
"I didn't believe him and tried to get away, but he lost his temper and fingered me with all his might. Then, I felt something tearing apart, and fainted...
"The next morning, he had put some cotton wool into my butt; but there was blood everywhere on the sheets, and the pain was unbearable.
"I felt ashamed and tried to hide everything from my Mom, but she saw all the blood and took me to a hospital."

    Unable to say a word, I took the bottle of massage oil and opened it.
Carefully, almost afraid to touch him in this very private place, I anointed Davey's scar and stitches.
He asked me to rub it in a bit more forcefully; and I did...
Finally, he heaved a deep sigh of relief, released his butt cheeks, and stretched out at full length.
He turned around, and crawled onto my stomach with another deep sigh.
    Almost purring with content, he mumbled into my chest:

    "Thank you, Dad. That feels much better! I am so happy I found you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life...
"Please, may I sleep here tonight?"

    "Well, Davey, I will tell you why I am in doubt...
"You know that I will never harm you. However, our society tries to protect you from real molesters like your father.
"Unfortunately, they see ANYONE near young children as a potential child molester...
"Even I could be in danger at this moment, because I touched your unclad bum!
"Every police officer will now see me as a filthy child molester, luring you into doing improper things; although you asked for it and I only tried to help you."

    "Yes, Dad, I know about our crazy world. You could be in a lot of trouble, if I ever told anybody about what you did...
"But, you can trust me! I will only tell my Mom, but she will be happy for me.
"I know that John and Harry slept in your bed when they arrested you... So, isn't it now MY turn to sleep next to you? Please?"

    I chuckled at his clever reasoning, and kissed his head.
Although I knew I took some risk, I decided NOT to reject my abused son, who finally started to trust a grown-up.
I slid him off my stomach, and he nestled into my arms.
I switched the lights off, and my third son started to snore within a minute.

    I couldn't sleep for a long time, still feeling all wound up.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw that beast tearing his son open in frustration, because his little butt hole was too tight for that big penis...
It was a good thing he was in jail; and I hoped I would never meet him!
I didn't want to be a murderer...

    After some time, the door opened, and a small figure peeked inside and tiptoed towards us.
He tried to crawl under the blankets, felt Davey, crawled back, and walked around the bed.
He crawled under the blankets at the other side, carefully feeling around for another surprise...
Feeling satisfied, he clambered onto my stomach and put his little nose in my left armpit.
Little Harry heaved a deep sigh of content, and fell asleep in his usual place.

    Ten minutes later, the door opened again.
Another figure tried to crawl under the blankets, felt Davey, crawled back, and walked around the bed.
He crawled under the blankets at the other side, and carefully checked for his little brother on my stomach.
Feeling satisfied and heaving a deep sigh of content, John melted against my side and fell asleep.

    I LOVE my boys, with all my heart. All three of them!


   The next morning, three joyful voices happily sounded in my ears:

    "Dad? Wakey wakey; rise and shine. We are hungry..."

    Slowly and lazily, I woke up and stared into three pairs of beaming eyes.
The eyes belonged to three happy looking boys, all of them competing for the best place on my stomach.
Of course, my poor stomach was not big enough to accommodate all three of them...
Both John and Davey tried not to fall off, holding onto each other and squeezing little Harry in the middle.
I put my arms around them and held them close, marveling in the wonderful feeling of being together and loving each other.

    That is, until little Harry started to groan, panting for air and looking a bit stifled...
I opened my arms wide, and both John and Davey fell off my stomach and onto the bed, under grumbling protest.
Little Harry heaved a deep sigh of relief, and spread out into the freed space with a satisfied grin.

    Suddenly, his hungry stomach started to rumble, and he chuckled:

    "Morning, Dad! I love you, and what do we have for breakfast?"

    "What? I thought YOU would bring me breakfast in bed today..."

    "Oh yeah? Who told you that?"

    "What a disappointment..."

    "Oh... Okay! Come on, John and Davey! Let's go downstairs."

    My three musketeers left the bed and raced down the stairs, leaving me alone.
Slowly, I drifted off into slumber again; hugging my pillow, and feeling hopelessly in love with my boys.



Thank you again, for all your wonderful and stimulating emails!
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I wish you lots of Love in your life, and Profound Peace in your heart.

Harry AnderS, Dutch psychotherapist and writer of 'books with a message'