Date: Thu, 3 Jun 1999 15:26:03 -0700 (PDT) From: Mo lastname Subject: Tom Teaches Physics The following story is what I had wanted in my senior year in high school with my Physics teacher, NO, not my coach or gym teacher (as I am not a jock wannabe), and neither some random exotic figure I would bump into elsewhere. I will have to warn you, if you are here for a quick sexual trip, you will be absolutely disappointed. This is a realistic fantasy. And seeing that I have strong feelings for this person, I do not care to share much details. You see, I have this problem, besides just being bisexual, I am in love. I managed to fall in love with the "wrong" person. I would like to blame it on him, for being too nice, being too friendly, for being a teacher that deserves my affection. This particular teacher, object of my affection is in his late 20's, about 5'7" or so, my height. He taught physics. He has a nice goatee. He is not very built, and some would say skinny. It was not love or attraction or crush at first sight. My affection for him began when he got closer to me, became more friendly with me, started calling me buddy. It was natural for a teacher to be nice to his students, especially when he is only 10 years older than them, a generational thing. There are those teachers that are like fathers, and those like older brothers, he was the latter. Anyway, getting to my point. I would have liked more conclusive evidence of this "straightness" so that I would not have fallen in love with him, instead I got little hints about his private life. He was close to his father, something I interpreted as a sign of being hetero rather than homo. Of course, I should know, stereotypes are not the best way to make a judgement, but when you have no other way to find out, you look for clues based on such stereotypes & some psychology. What do you make of those pats in the back, touches in the shoulder, no discussion of his private life or mention of a girlfriend? What, he just wanted to be my older brother? THE FACTS END HERE...though the fiction/fantasy is inextricably tied with the facts................................. Mr. Edwards and I frequently had conversations about religion, science, morality, and whole host of other things afterschool. Sometimes it just happened, sometimes I would force a topic of conversation. It was all in an attempt to find out more about him and confirm to myself if there would ever be a chance of 'us'. One particular afternoon, I brought up the topic of homosexuality. Knowing he was religious, and knowing he knew I was religious as well, I wondered what he would have to say about it. I asked him, "I know Catholicism has a lot to say against homosexuality, 'thou shall not lie with another man' and all the Sodom bull, what do you think of that? I mean it is clear the Bible is condemning homosexuality, and it does not seem to be a metaphor." He had to pause. It was a very strange thing for me to delve into, but I guess he could have expected it. His reply, "I don't know, I have problems dealing with such things, but I also think that maybe the Bible is right in condemning such activities." "Really! That is interesting. Why is it right? I mean, what is 'wrong' with homosexuality?" "It goes against he biological function of human beings. We were meant to reproduce sexually, and homosexuality is going against this grain" "I'm assuming you think all gays choose to be gay." "Well, maybe not. But I do think that a person is not exclusively homosexual, there is a gradation, and everyone can be straight is he wants to be." "Interesting. My next question, are you homophobic?", I asked. "No, no, no, don't accuse me of such thing, I don't really have anything against gays." "Well, let's put you to the test, what if I told you I was gay? In fact, let me tell you, I am gay, and not only that, I have found you attractive, attracted to the point where I have managed to fall in love with you the person." He was clearly dumbfounded at this. I felt awful to subject him to this. I then continued, "Look, I'm really sorry, I could not help that, I felt I needed to explode, and I trusted you enough to tell you...." "No, Mo, don't..don't feel sorry, I understand." "I really think not, I don't think you can understand how it feels like to have such feelings for someone with whom it was never meant to be. I got myself in some deep shit, and not I regret it." With those words, I dashed out of the room. For the next few days, I ignored him as much as I possibly could. I would put my head down in class, not listening to his lecture. I avoided all the meetings of the science club, of which I was a member and he was the advisor. Whatever glimpse I got of him told me that he was feeling uneasy. I would leave class as soon as the bell rang, a rarity, because I had the tendency to be the last one to leave my classrooms all the time. I would ignore him if I saw him in the hallway. He tried to say hi once, and I just looked the other way. It was almost as if I was attempting to punish him. But inside, I felt the worst I have felt in ages. I regretted coming out to him. I had never admitted I was gay to anyone with words, it came more implicitly in some sexual situations I had been with other men. I felt bad because I destroyed the little chance I had of becoming his friend. Now, I was just counting the days till graduation so I can forget him once and for all, something I knew was never going to happen. You never forget who you love. Exactly a week after that incident, I was a bit slow in leaving the physics class, trying to pack some things into my backpack. That is when I heard his voice in close proximity, calling me. I didn't look up. He repeated, "Mo, I have to talk to you." I did not look up, but just sat there until everyone left. He came close and sat on the desk next to me, and said, "Mo, look, I am really sorry for what I might have said that day, but you don't have to act like this, trust me, it's really ok, it does not bother me the least knowing about your feelings." I managed to get the words out of my mouth, "But, it bothers me Mr. Edwards." "OK. I can understand. Besides that, I would like to talk to you more about it." "Why?", I was surprised, and at the same time hoping this would result in something I can look forward to. "It's not a good idea to talk about this here, what time do you have to be home by?" "Soon, an hour or so later." "Let's go get some coffee or something, ok?" "Fine, but I really don't know what's left to discuss. What, you want to analyze me or convince me how I am wrong in having these....these feelings for you?" "No, that's not something I have control over, and I know that you don't either. Just, come with me, will you?" "Fine, you'll have to drop me home in time." "I'll do that." So I did, I followed him to his car. I did not say a word, and surely did not feel like saying anything. I got in the front seat. He then asks me, "Would you have a problem if we went to my house for a while? I have a problem with public places, and it would be a bit strange to have others see you and me having coffee." I replied, "Fine whatever suits you, but I have to be home by 4:30 PM" We went. I went to his house. He told me to have a seat in the couch in his living room. He lived with his parents, but they were visiting his sister in another town at the time. He went and got a beer, asked my if I wanted something to drink, knowing I don't drink beer. I just asked for some water. He brought the water and sat next to me in the couch. I began, "Mr. Edwards, this is really weird, if you know what I mean." "What's weird? I just wanted to tell you something." I said in jest, "Alright. So, tell me what you had in your mind. Aren't you going to bring the Bible to quote from?" "No. No Bible. I just wanted to say." Then he paused for a while. "I looked at him, with a quizzical expression in my face. He continued, "Mo, I have not really been honest with you. When you revealed you feelings, something hit me. I have had these feelings about you, something I condemned myself for, but I would have never thought you would come out with similar expressions." "So, there is a heart behind that persona. Now I know that my gut feelings about you were not wrong after-all. Mr. Edwards, you don't know...." "Listen. This is hard for me. I have a lot at stake. I am risking a lot by telling you this." "Even more than me? I come from a strict non-Christian religious background, and eastern culture that can never be so open to something like the concept of homosexuality. My parents will never understand if I ever come out. And my life will be in instant danger. You on the other hand can continue living, though rejected by your family." "I understand. But you see, I am a teacher, we can't just..." "Do you see how society's nonsensical rules are just planted in your head. Look, I have never been more sure of something like this in my life. I am not asking you to love me back, I just want to know if you care for me." "I do. I actually have felt something since the first day I saw you. I do not want to admit, but I love you." "Show me that you do. And understand that it is ok. Outside school, we are just two people, not a student and a teacher. We have 10 years in difference in our ages, but when you will be 60 and I will be 50, do you really think it would make any difference?" "No it won't, but you know it is still not allowed" "Don't let rules decide for you. It is one thing when a boy not past his full puberty, with no emotional maturity is fooled into having a relationship with a fucken NAMBLA member, and the adult fucker takes full advantage of him. It's another thing when a consenting, mature, young adult, seeks to be loved by an older brother-like figure. Frankly, I have no patience for this kind of social bull shit. I don't think anyone understands it and draws the more accurate line between what is acceptable and what is not." "I hear you. Mo, give me your hand." I gave him my hand, and he kissed it gently. I could not resist, I pushed myself onto him and kissed him on the lips. We began kissing passionately. I was overcome with joy. It was something I had been waiting for such a long time, and the feeling when you finally get it is indescribable. He continued, and kissed me on my forehead, on my neck, started to unbutton my shirt. I stopped him. "No Mr. Edwards, someone will see us." "It's ok. Trust me, no one will." And in a flash he lifted me up. I was shocked. I did not think that he possibly had such strength, but I was wrong. I could see his biceps were swollen and hard. He lifted me and took my upstairs to his bedroom. Laid me on his bed and began to undress me. I unbuttoned his shirt and began to unbutton my way to his prized possession. He did the same to me. I could here myself pulling down the zipper of his Dockers, I was overcome with excitement. We made love, as they say. No, I did not measure his tool, nor did we penetrate each other. The thought crossed my mind to taste his penis, but that is not something I had done before. We decided it is better to wait before we do anything seriously sexual. This was enough for me. I got to show my affection for the man I loved, and he had done the same. Lovemaking to me was full of passionate kissing and tasting of the skin in the body. I had never felt so comfortable before. Then for a full hour we lay together, with my head on his chest, his wonderful chest, sharing our little secrets. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you missed it, this story was a fantasy based on my real affections for a particular High School teacher of mine. I have not seen him since I left for college, and I am dying to see him again. If you found this story interesting and have things to say that will make me happy (like making my fantasy a reality), feel free to e-mail me at boyinlove99@yahoo.com I'll reply only if you have something so say worth reading.