Wanting Perfection

By Mark The Good Pen

By now I'm sure you know the drill, so I won't bore you with another disclaimer to ignore.

Thank you to everyone who has sent me their feedback on this story.  You're feedback is very much appreciated!!

Feedback is always welcome at thegoodpen@inbox.com.  Please put Wanting Perfection in the subject of your e-mail.  I will try my best to respond to all e-mails.

My other story on Nifty:
Sierra Inn (Gay Male Adult/Youth)


Wanting Perfection

From Chapter 5:

I led Rick into my house and we sat down on my couch. ˙Even though absolutely nothing sexual had been said I could feel my cock start to grow in my pants. ˙The feeling I had been getting in my stomach had apparently moved south, and had gotten a lot more powerful.

"Justin, yesterday was absolutely incredible," Rick said after we had sat down next to each other on the couch. ˙"I mean I've done that a lot, more times than I can count actually. ˙But it never felt that good to me, with anybody else. ˙And I mean that honestly."
"You've done that a lot?" I asked. ˙"With guys?"
"Yeah," Rick said. ˙"Mostly guys, your age. ˙I can't help it I have a weakness. ˙But yesterday was different than any other time."
"I never did that before," I said, ignoring his comment about which age group he had done that with before.
"Yeah you told me," Rick said, with a little smile. ˙"Well I hope you enjoyed it as much as you appeared to. ˙You're first time should be a lot of fun."
"It was," I said, blushing a little.
"Good," Rick said. ˙"So do you still think you might like to do that again sometime?"
"I think so," I said, honestly.

Even though I was still very confused, and even a little angry at myself I couldn't deny the fact that I wanted to have sex with Rick again. ˙A fact that only made the anger with myself increase.

"Good," Rick said again. ˙"There's so much more we can do. ˙I can really rock your world."
"You can?" I asked, wondering how much more we could possibly do.
"Hell yes," Rick said, with a smile. ˙"And I want to too. ˙Justin, I want you to feel so good, I want you to feel ways you never have before. ˙Because you deserve that, you're a good kid, with a good heart and you deserve to have someone make you feel special."
"Thanks," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"You're very welcome," Rick said, as he stretched his hand out and gently ran his thumb along my cheek bone.

Slowly Rick leaned his face into mine and I felt his rough lips push against mine. ˙Any thought that had been in my mind before left, and I found myself lost in the kiss. ˙I felt Rick's other hand gently rubbing my thigh as his tongue pushed through my lips and entered my mouth. ˙Our tongues danced for awhile before Rick pulled his tongue back into his own mouth and broke the kiss.

"Can you show me your bedroom?" he asked, knowing that it was still early in the day and my parents wouldn't be home for awhile.

Chapter 6

"I guess," I said with a cracking voice.

Rick was the first one to get off the couch.  I wasn't sure if doing anything in my house was the safest move, but for some reason I didn't say anything.  Instead I stood up and led Rick down the hall and into my room.

"Nice," he said as he looked around at the posters on my wall and the small bed that sat in the middle of the room.
"Thanks," I responded shyly as I stood next to Rick at the foot of my bed.
"So where were we?" Rick asked, as he turned to face me.

I looked into his face, and he gave me a little smile before moving his face to mine and once again our lips met.  As we kissed I felt Rick's hands grabbing at the bottom of my t-shirt as he started lifting it towards my head.  Our kissing stopped just long enough for Rick to lift my shirt over my head before he let it fall to the floor behind me.

"Do you know how hot you are?" Rick asked me in a husky tone.
"I am?" I asked as I looked into his face.
"Absolutely," he said before leaning in for another kiss.

I had never been called "hot" before by anyone and hearing the word from Rick, made me total putty in his hands.  As his tongue danced with mine in my mouth I felt his hands start to rub up and down my back, stopping only when he reached the waistband of my basketball shorts then retreating back up to the back of my shoulders.  Finally after a couple of passes I felt his fingers burrow their way through the waistband of my pants, and the heat of his hand suddenly pressed against my ass.  Just as his right hand started to knead one of my butt cheeks, Rick pulled away from my mouth and started to kiss his way down my neck.  Just as his mouth reached my collar bone I felt his hand retreat from the inside of my pants just long enough to pull my basketball shorts and briefs down with both hands on either side of my waist.  With out saying a word Rick let my pants fall to my feet, lifted his face away from me and put his hand on my chest and gently pushed me backwards onto my bed.  Once I was sitting on the bed Rick stood over me and took off his shirt, slipped out of his sandals and dropped his pants to the floor so he was completely naked in front of me.

After he stepped out of his pants he got down on his knees in front of me, quickly took off my shoes and socks and removed my pants from around my ankles before starting to gently kiss his way first up my right calf then the inside of my thigh until he reached my crotch and my throbbing cock.  I looked down at him as he took his right hand and wrapped his fingers around my cock and slowly started jacking it as his face hovered just above the crown so I could feel his warm breath streaming down over the length of my shaft.

"What do you want me to do?" Rick asked, as he looked up into my face.
"I don't know," I said shyly.
"Yes you do," Rick said.  "It's okay, Justin, this is all about you now.  I'll do whatever you want me to do.  I just want to make you feel good."
"Anything?" I asked.
"Yeah," Rick said, as he smiled up at me.
"Could you put it in your mouth?" I asked.
"God yes!" Rick said his voice having gone husky again.

I watched as Rick lowered his head, then my eyes snapped shut as I felt the warm wetness of his mouth enveloping my cock.  The feeling of his mouth on my cock made me fall back into a laying position on the bed with my legs draped over the end and my feet still on the floor.  He quickly started to swirl his head around the head of my cock, and with out even realizing it at first I started to lift my butt off the bed to try to get more of my cock into his mouth.  But to my surprise and disappointment Rick suddenly lifted his mouth totally off my cock, and wrapped the fingers of his right hand around my shaft again before starting to jack me again.  I raised up onto my elbows and looked down the length of my torso to Rick who was still kneeling in between my splayed legs looking into my face as he jacked my cock slightly faster than he had done before.

"Was that what you had in mind?" Rick asked.
"Yeah," I said as my voice cracked again.  "Why did you stop?"
"You'll see," Rick said as a smile came to his face.  "Scoot up," he told me as he released my cock from his hand.

I quickly scrambled and hoisted myself up on the bed so that my head was on my pillow.  Rick crawled onto the bed until he was hovering over me on his hands and knees.  He looked into my face before he leaned down and we started kissing again, his tongue seeming to have more urgency as it played with mine than it had the other times.  Gently Rick let himself fall on top of me and I felt his cock smashed against mine which for some reason I didn't quite understand made me groan into his mouth.  Breaking our kiss Rick slowly started kissing his way down my neck, then moved himself a little bit off the bed until his mouth was on my right nipple which he started to gently nibble on in between swipes of his tongue.  All of which made me moan loudly and caused my cock to throb into Rick's stomach.  Again to my disappointment Rick soon moved away from my nipple, kissing his way down the center of my chest and stomach, pushing his tongue into my naval before licking his way down to my pubic hair.  He gently pulled on a few strands of my hair with his teeth before putting my cock, which by this point was leaking steadily, into his mouth.  I moaned as I felt Rick move his lips up and down the shaft of my cock but again he disappointed me by letting me fall from his mouth.  I was beginning to learn quickly, however, that my disappointment would never last very long and this was time was no different as soon after my cock slipped from his mouth, Rick moved his head further down in between my splayed legs and started to lick at my sack.  I moaned yet again, as I felt both of my balls being gently pulled into Rick's mouth as his tongue moved in a hurried motion all around them.

Rick started shifting from my balls to my cock and back again, driving me crazy the entire time as I lay back on my bed my face pointed up at the ceiling but my eyes sealed shut as I was feeling things I never had before.  I wasn't sure how much time had past before I felt Rick's hands work their way underneath each of my legs and start to lift my feet off the floor.  He continued raising my legs until my knees were bent and my feet were resting on the very edge of the bed.  Suddenly I felt Rick's tongue working its way down my perineum sending a tingling feeling straight to my cock which made it pulse and made me moan again, as I lifted my head and looked down the length of my body to try to see what Rick was going to do.  Just as my eyes locked onto the top of Rick's head sinking lower I felt his tongue work its way into my butt crack as Rick pushed my legs up forcing my feet off the bed and into the air.  I still wasn't too sure what Rick was doing so when I felt something wet and warm against my asshole I jumped out of surprise as much as anything else.  Rick started pushing his tongue harder against my hole and my entire body seemingly started to tingle as I felt my cock pulsing and my hole start to open to the pressure of Rick's tongue.  I didn't quite understand why Rick would want to put his tongue where he had it, but with the way it was making me feel I wasn't actually going to question him either.  My head fell back to the bed and my eyes shut tightly as Rick's tongue continued to dance around my hole.  After a few minutes of rimming Rick pulled his face back and replaced his tongue with a finger as he let my feet fall back to the bed.  I felt his finger playing with my hole just as his tongue had been doing and then I felt his mouth devour my cock to the base which made my balls draw up closer to my body.  It only took Rick's lips a couple of trips up and down my shaft to get me to explode into my mouth.  Rick continued to suckle on my softening cock as I lay on the bed panting, with my eyes still tightly shut.

"Damn Justin," Rick said as he lifted his head up from my crotch and pulled his finger away from my ass.  "I could do that all day."
"That felt really good," I said, breathlessly as I propped myself up on my elbows and looked down the length of my body at Rick who was still kneeling on the ground between my splayed legs.  "But why did you lick my ass?"
"It felt good right?" Rick asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"That's why," Rick said with a small smile, as he stood up.
"But you licked my ass," I said, still not quite able to get past that.
"You'll understand better soon enough," Rick said, still smiling as he stood up.  "But I better be going," he added as he started to hunt down his clothes.
"But don't you want me to do anything to you?" I asked.
"You know, a week ago I would have jumped at that," Rick said.  "But this was enough for me," he said shaking his head.
"Did I do it wrong yesterday?" I asked as I sat up on the edge of the bed.
"No," Rick said, as he pulled up his pants.  "Justin, you were terrific yesterday and today," he said as he sat down next to me.
"But I didn't do anything today," I said.

I didn't really understand why, it just didn't make sense to me but I wanted to feel Rick in my mouth like he had been the day before.  I wanted to make him the way he had made me feel, well without the ass licking part, but I just couldn't understand why.

"Justin, you did plenty today," Rick said, quickly.  "I have to be honest with you.  I have done this a lot, with a lot of kids your age and every time I did it was always about me.  I mean it was always so I could get off."
"Get off of what?" I asked, naively.
"Shoot my stuff," Rick said so I could understand.  "But yesterday after you sucked me, and did a very good job of it by the way, I felt guilty.  For the first time in my life I felt guilty."
"Why?" I asked.
"I think I took something I shouldn't have," Rick said.  "So I think I owe you a couple of freebies."
"But I want to," I said, not knowing why I did even as the words came out of my mouth.
"I'm very happy to hear that," Rick said, with a little smile.  "But I really do need to be going," he said as he got off the bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor.

Rick watched as I found my clothes on the floor and put them back on.

"Remember to practice," Rick said as we reached the front door.  "The trumpet I mean.  And I'll see you tomorrow.  Okay?"
"Yeah," I said, just before Rick reached his face to mine and gave me quick peck on the lips.
"Bye, Justin," he said as he opened the door.
"Bye," I said as Rick stepped outside.

As I closed the front door behind Rick my mind began to race with what had just happened.  It felt even better than it had yesterday, but the guilt was starting to get to me more.  Even though I was still pretty naive and did not fully understand everything that was going on, I knew or at least felt like I should not have enjoyed it as much as I had.  Before I could sink too far into my own mind the doorbell rang making me turn around and temporarily forget about the shower that I was headed for.

"Hey dude," Shawn said after I had opened the door.
"Hey," I said.  "Did you see Michelle?"
"Yeah," Shawn said.  "But she had to go home."
"Oh," I said.  "Come in," I said, opening the door wider.
"Who was that guy that was just leaving here?" Shawn asked as he came in through the door.
"That was Rick," I said as we headed for the couch in the living room.
"Your trumpet teacher?" Shawn asked.
"Yeah," I said as I took a seat on the couch.
"What was he doing over here?" he asked as he sat down next to me.
"He needed to ask me something," I said.  "That's all."
"Oh," Shawn said plainly.  "So I guess you were right."
"About what?" I asked.
"Rick, can't be a perv," Shawn said.  "I mean if you let him into your house and everything."
"He's cool," I said simply.
"Good," Shawn said.  "Because, I was kind of worried."
"Worried?" I asked.  "About what?"
"Nothing," Shawn said, shaking his head.  "You know I think Michelle still likes you," Shawn said as he quickly changed the subject.
"Shut up," I told him.  "We're friends, or we used to be."
"Yeah but she wants more," Shawn said with a little chuckle.
"How do you know?" I asked curiously.
"I can just tell," Shawn said.
"Whatever," I said, shaking my head as I grabbed the remote to turn on the television.

As Shawn and I sat on the couch watching television my mind started to wander what had happened earlier that day with Rick.  It seemed as though the more that happened the more confused I became.  But I also realized that all thinking about everything did was make me more confused and even at times made me depressed.

"Justin," Shawn said which shook me from my thoughts.
"Yeah," I said as I turned my gaze from the television to him.
"Do you like Michelle?" Shawn asked.
"Yeah I like her," I said.  "I mean she's nice and all that, and she's a cool friend.  Or at least she used to be."
"No that's not what I mean," Shawn said.  "I mean do you like her, like her?"
"Oh," I said, as a sudden feeling of nervousness hit me.  "I don't know.  Why?"
"No reason," Shawn said.  "I was just wondering.  I mean you two used to be pretty tight."
"Yeah we were," I said, as I thought back to the days before Michelle had moved and how much time we used to spend together.  "But I mean we're tight too you know?"
"Dude!" Shawn said.  "What are you saying?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that," I said.  "I just meant that you and me hang out a lot too but we're obviously just friends.  It's the same thing for me with Michelle."
"Oh," Shawn said.  "I get that.  Is there any girl you like though?  I mean not just at school, anywhere."
"I don't know," I said with a shrug.  "What's with all of the questions?"
"It's nothing," Shawn said.  "It's just something Michelle said.  It's dumb."
"What did she say?" I asked.
"It was really nothing," Shawn said.  "I told you it was stupid."
"Come on dude tell me!" I insisted, as curiosity got the better of me.
"She said..." Shawn started but then stopped himself.  "She thinks you're gay."
"What?" I asked in shock.  "Why does she think that?  She's seen me for like five minutes in the last three years?"
"That's what I mean it was stupid," Shawn said.  "Maybe she's one of those chicks that thinks any guy that's not interested in her is gay.  You know?"
"I guess," I said.
"So are you?" Shawn asked, shyly.
"What?" I asked as my entire body seemed to tense up into one big knot.
"Are you gay?" Shawn asked.

Shawn and I had been friends since we were in diapers.  We had, over the years, told each other a lot.  There were things that I had told Shawn that I had not told anyone else.  But all of those things I had been relatively small compared to the answer to the question that he has asked of me.  I'm sure looking back on it now, that Shawn was only using Michelle as a cover to ask a question he had wanted to ask me himself for a while before that afternoon.  While I did not fit into any kind of stereotype that are so often put on gay people, there were something's about me that I guess would have been obvious to somebody that had known me as well as Shawn did at that time.  During the previous school year my friends, Shawn included, had started talking more and more about girls.  While those conversations were going on I would always just listen.  Nobody had ever questioned me on my silence about it, but I knew Shawn had noticed.  I couldn't help but wonder if Shawn had noticed something when we were looking at his Dad's magazines.  I tried to cover my lack of interest in those things the best I could, but I have never been that good of an actor.

"Justin I don't care if you are," Shawn said, as he snapped my mind back to attention.  "I was just wondering."
"Well why are you wondering?" I asked as I shifted in my seat.  "Just because Michelle said something dumb?"
"I don't know," Shawn said with a shrug.

I didn't realize it at the time, but my lack of an immediate answer to the question had probably been enough of an answer for Shawn.  But I didn't know what else to say.  It had gotten to the point where I couldn't deny the possibility to myself.  What had happened in that twenty four hour time period had proven to me what I had been afraid of since I first saw Rick.  I was gay, and denying it to every person in the world wasn't going to change the fact that I had enjoyed the sex with Rick and even wanted more.  Still I was afraid of telling Shawn anything because I did not know how he would react and I definitely did not want to lose his friendship.  I knew I could have said that I absolutely wasn't but I didn't know if lying about something like that to the one person, other than Rick, that would probably be accepting of me was something I wanted or could even afford to do.

"What if I thought that I was?" I asked with a lot of uncertainty in my voice.
"Then I'd have a gay friend," Shawn said.  "As long as you didn't want me to suck your dick or anything I wouldn't care."
"Really?" I asked.
"No," Shawn said.  "Why should I?"
"I thought you'd hate me or something," I said.
"Never," Shawn said, shaking his head.  "Dude, there's so many better reasons for hating you then that one," he added with a chuckle.
"Thanks," I said, with a little laugh of my own.
"So you are?" Shawn asked, his tone serious again.
"I think so," I said, softly.
"Okay," Shawn said with a shrug.
"You thought that already didn't you?" I asked already knowing that nobody reacts to hearing their best friend is gay as nonchalantly as Shawn had.
"Yeah," Shawn said.  "I did, but I wasn't sure."
"Shawn don't tell anyone," I said.  "Not even Michelle."
"I won't," Shawn said as he looked me dead in the eye.
"Thanks," I said as I took a little sigh of relief.
"No problem," Shawn said.

An hour later Shawn went back home, in the mean time my sexuality was never brought up again.  It was almost as though that conversation had never even happened.  I was surprised by Shawn's real lack of a reaction.  I would have expected at the very least more questions than I got.  But he left it alone which was just fine by me.

Later that evening after diner I was practicing my trumpet in my room when I suddenly heard shouting coming from the kitchen.  I was no stranger to my parents fighting, it was something they had done often but there was something about the way they were yelling each other that particular time that made me duck out into the hall so I could hear better.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I heard my Mom screaming.
"Would you be quiet, Justin will hear you!" Dad said, barely loud enough for me to hear him.
"What are you afraid that he'll find out the truth about you?" Mom yelled anger thick in her voice.  "You don't want your son to know what a scumbag you are?"
"Look what do you want me to say?" Dad asked.  "I screwed up, I'm sorry!"
"Get out!" my Mom yelled suddenly.  "Get your cheating ass the hell out of my house!"
"Linda, don't," I heard my Dad say.
"Get out!" Mom screamed.

I tried to get my feet to move me back into the bedroom but they seemed frozen to the floor where I stood in the hallway.  My parents had never fought like that before, and something told me that this was that was the last argument they were going to have as a married couple.  My Dad passed by me in the hallway on his way to his bedroom but didn't look at me.  He came out a few minutes later with a suit case.

"Where are you going?" I asked, as he tried to pass me without saying anything.
"Justin, your Mother is angry and she just needs sometime to cool off," he said, as he stopped next to me in the hall.  "I'm going to stay at Grandma's for awhile.  But I'll be back."
"No you won't," Mom, who had just stepped into the hall said.  "This is the last time you do this to me!  Now get away from my son!"

Dad didn't say another word as he headed for the garage.  After he was gone Mom went into her bedroom and shut the door behind her, leaving me standing in the hallway in shock.  I had suspected that at some point my parents would get a divorce.  They seemed to have stopped loving each other at some point and had just been hanging on to something they used to have for a long time.  But I had never expected for things to end the way they did.  Even with the fighting I had liked my life the way it was at home, and I didn't want things to change.  I definitely did not want my Dad to leave.  Finally my feet found their grip on the floor and I walked back into my room.  I sat on the end of my bed in shock for the longest time, my mind unsuccessfully trying to wrap itself around what had just happened.  

I don't remember how or when I feel asleep that night, but the next morning I woke up still wearing my street clothes.  As soon as I woke up I looked at the clock on my nightstand and saw that Mom would not have left for work so I immediately got off the bed and headed towards the kitchen.  Mom was sitting at the table just staring down at her coffee mug while still wearing her bath robe.

"Mom," I said to get her attention as I came into the kitchen.
"Oh, hi honey," she said looking up at me.
"Are you okay?" I asked as I sat down across from her at the table.
"Don't worry about me," she said quickly.  "I'm sorry you had to witness that last night."
"Dad cheated?" I asked.
"Yeah," Mom said, with a nod of her head.
"Are you going to get a divorce?" I asked as a lump started to form in my throat.
"Justin, sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to," Mom said, seemingly avoiding my question.  "Sometimes, you can work around it and other times you can't.  I tried to work around this, I honestly did.  But it just got to be too much.  I hope you understand that."
"But are you getting a divorce?" I asked.
"Yes," Mom said.
"But what if..."
"Justin, there's no what if," Mom interrupted me.  "I'm sorry."
"I gotta go for a walk," I said, getting up from the table.

Mom didn't say anything to me as I left the kitchen and headed out the front door.  I started walking in the direction of Rick's house, the entire time trying to fight the tears from coming out.  Rick had told me that I could come to him whenever I needed to.  I didn't know why I felt that I needed to see him at that particular moment but he was the person I wanted to be with the most at that moment.  When I got to Rick's house I rang the doorbell but there was no answer at first.  Feeling like I really needed to talk to Rick, I started banging on his front door as hard as I could.

"I'm coming.  I'm coming," I suddenly heard Rick yell from inside.  "Hold your horses!" he said as he turned the lock and opened the door.  "Justin, what are you doing here?" he asked.  Apparently I had woken him up because he was only wearing a gray t-shirt and boxers.
"My parents," I said, as I lost the battle with my tears and they started to fall down my cheeks.  "They're getting a divorce."
"What?" Rick asked, as he motioned for me to come inside.
"They were screaming at each other last night," I said as I stepped through the door, which Rick quickly shut behind me.  "My Mom threw my Dad out.  And she just told me that they're going to get a divorce."
"Oh, Justin I'm so sorry," Rick said.  "Why don't you have a seat," he said, leading me over to the metal chair that I would sit on for my trumpet lessons.
"I don't want them to get a divorce," I said, through my tears which were coming at a pretty fast rate.  "I want things to be the way they always were."
"I know you do," Rick said as he sat down on the chair next to mine and scooted it closer to mine.  "But it'll be okay," he said as he put his arm around my shoulder.
"I don't know what to do," I said, as I started to cry into his shoulder.
"You don't have to do anything," Rick said, softly.
"I'm sorry," I said, as I lifted my head from his shoulder.  "For waking you up."
"Justin, I told you, you can come over here anytime you need to," Rick said.  "I will always be here for you no matter what."
"Thanks," I said, as wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my right hand.
"God Justin this is killing me," Rick said suddenly.
"What is?" I asked, with a sniffle.
"Seeing you this upset," Rick said.  "It's ripping my heart into pieces."
"Why?" I asked.
"I don't know for sure, it's never happened before," Rick said.  "I guess it just means I really care about you, I mean really, really care about you."

To Be Continued...

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Chapter 7 Coming Soon!