Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2006 23:38:49 -0400 From: Lucien Stoow Subject: Where Am I Chapter 3 +++++DISCLAMER++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ You (The User) represent and warrant you are at least 18 or 21 years of age, depending on the age of majority in your jurisdiction, and that you have the legal capacity to enter into this Agreement. If you are not at least 18 or 21 years of age, depending on the age of majority in your jurisdiction, you must exit this page immediately and may not use, access this page, print or download any materials from it. Additionally, the Author does not assume any responsibility or liability for any misrepresentations regarding a user' age. I hereby affirm, under the penalties of perjury pursuant to 28 U.S.C 1746, that I am at least 18 years old AND agree to the terms and conditions stated above and want to continue reading at my own risk. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ CHAPTER 3 Morning came all too fast. I woke to find Nicky still beside me in my bed. The poor kid looked so tuckered out and I almost felt bad waking him. I ran my fingers though his hair and he started to stir, snuggling in closer to me. He is so cute when he sleeps. "Nicky... hey cutie, wake up." I watched him slowly open his eyes and look up at me. "Morning, Tommy." He paused for a moment before looking down at his feet. "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to bother you and..." Now it was my turn to cut him off. "No sorries, remember?" I gave him a big hug. He just continued to lie there staring towards the foot of the bed. I gave him a small kiss on the top of his head. "I think that you should go and have a nice long shower, have some breakfast, and then we can continue our talk. How does that sound?" He slid out of the bed and looked at me with only half of his signature smile on his face. Then the next thing I knew, he was gone out the door. I really hoped he was ok. The shower upstairs started to run and I lay back and closed my eyes. ************************** I woke to find Cindy tucking in my sheets. "I didn't mean to wake you, how are you feeling?" "I still hurt but I am doing ok." "Would you like some toast and butter for your afternoon snack?" "Afternoon!?" I didn't mean to sleep that long! I guess it's just part of the healing process. "I'll take that as a "yes" then. When I get back I think that we need to have a small chat." "Ok... I'll be waiting right here." She just chuckled and left the room. I wondered if she was upset with me. I hoped not. Was Nicholas doing ok? I wished I hadn't fallen asleep. I waited for a few minutes before Cindy came back with some toast on a plate and some more pain killers. She helped me into a sitting position and I thanked God for pills. "You are going to hurt for a while but your legs are healing very nicely. How is the toast?" "It's really good, thank you." I munched at the toast while she continued. "I suppose you are wondering why I wanted to talk to you but I'm also sure that you already know it's concerning Nicholas." I nodded my head "yes" and listened on. "He's grown very attached to you these past few days. You remind him of Damien and I trust his judgment enough that I do not wish to interfere. He loved his cousin very much, which I am hoping you can see. I just don't want him to get hurt again. I can see it in your eyes just how much you care for him. The poor boy is so confused and I don't think he can see it like I can. Just be patient and don't take his broken heart for granted. I really like you Thomas. Make my son happy again. I know that you can do it. Now, get some sleep." She stood up and leaned over me, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. Smiling, she gave me a peck on my forehead before leaving me in the room alone and speechless. I lay there for a long time thinking about it. From the first moment I met Nicholas, I fell in love with him. I hope that I can talk to him tonight. I want him to tell me about Damien. Eventually the pills took effect and I drifted off to sleep while thinking of Alice and her trip down the dark rabbit hole. **************************** (Upstairs in Nicky's room, a few hours later) There was a knock on the door. I didn't even call out. I just lay there with my face buried in my pillow. I knew she would let herself in anyway. I always hate it when she does that. "Nicholas hunny, I'm coming in." Go figure... She entered the room and sat down beside me on the bed. "I want to talk to you about Thomas." I buried my head deeper into my pillow. How could I have been so stupid last night? He acted like everything was ok but I knew it wasn't. He was just being nice 'cause he had to be. I know he really hates me because he knows I'm gay. Damien was the only one who understood.... He called me cutie but he was only being nice. Why do I feel so bad? I burst out crying again not being able to hold it in anymore. Mom just rubbed my back. "It's ok, sweetie. I want you to stop crying and look at me." I eventually stopped crying and wiped my face but just looked at the floor. I hate it when she does this to me. I just sat there and waiting for her to finish. "I have noticed that you have been getting a little close to Thomas and I wanted to discuss it with you." What does she mean by close? "I love you very much and I want to make sure that you are not mistaking Thomas for Damien. If you want to be with Thomas, then that's ok as long as you are not using him to replace Damien." I glanced up at her. "What do you mean 'be close to Thomas'? He is just a friend." "Sweetie, me and Damien used to talk all the time before he died. He wanted to make sure that he wasn't accidentally hurting you. I know about the stuff you two used to do together and I also know how much you loved each other. It's ok and as long as you're happy, I am happy too. Trust your heart." She reached out and pulled me in to a big hug. I sat there for what seemed like forever thinking about what she said. I hugged her back even harder and quietly sobbed on her shoulder for what felt like hours. I had so many things to think about and I just wished that Thomas felt the same way. *************************** I woke and slowly opened my eyes. It was dark in my room except for the light that was coming in the door. The first thing I did notice was the shadow lying on the floor just outside my room. "I'm awake. You can come in if you want to." Nicholas jumped and slowly got up and came over to the chair beside my bed. "You know that you don't need me to invite you in. You're welcome anytime you want." He just sat down but didn't say anything. He must be on one hell of an emotional roller coaster right now. "Here", I shifted a bit on my bed. "Come sit here." I motioned to my bed and he came and sat down. I reached out and grabbed his hand in mine. He looked up into my eyes and I could definitely tell that he had been crying. "Nicky I want you to listen to me very carefully. Since I have gotten to know you, I have started to fall in love with you. I have decided that I want to be here for you and I want to stick around even when I am better unless you want me to leave." It was like something inside his eyes broke and the tears started streaming down his face. It hurt me so see him like this and I began to wonder if I really made the right decision to go here with him. "Do... do you really mean it? Like..... when you said you..you ....you loved me?" By this point he was trembling and I could feel my own face wet with tears. I squeezed his hand tight and nodded my head. "I meant every word I said to you. I would never lie to you and I want you to know that. I can never replace your cousin, but I want to be here for you and love you just as much." I held out my arms to him and he just collapsed into them. I kept him close and kissed the top of his head. "I love you very much Nicky... don't forget that." We lay like that for what was probably an hour. I needed to ask Cindy for a watch. As we lay there he must have thought that I had fallen asleep. At first I thought he was sobbing but soon I realized he was humming. Eventually, I heard the sweetest voice quietly make its way around the room. "Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in? Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again..." Now my eyes were burning from the amount of crying I had done and still tears were running down my face. "I don't want to run away from this. I know that I just don't need this, `cause I cannot stand still. I cannot be this unsteady... This cannot be happening." God I wish I knew what to do. I feel so lost right now and I don't know what to do. "Cause I'm waiting for tonight, been waiting for tomorrow, and I'm somewhere in between. What is real? Just a dream.." a tiny sniffle and he drifted off to sleep. I lay there and made a promise to myself. I would not let this boy down. He needed me and I was going to be there for him no matter what. "I love you," I whispered before I drifted off to sleep. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Sorry for the long wait! I have had too many life changes in the past months and I wasn't able to write. Thanks again to my editor and friend for all of the help with my story. I enjoy the e-mails so please send them on. Cheers! ~Lucien lucien__85 (A) hotmail.com