From:  Snwdemon

Subject:  Who will catch my fall (Part Two)

Chapter 4:  (M/b, b/b, abusive situations, no sex)

WARNING:  This story contains descriptions of abusive acts, both physical and sexual in nature, involving MINOR boys.  I wish to explain that this story is not true!  Further, it is not intended to promote illegal acts against minors, but to educate people as to what a minor child has to do in order to survive in a severely abusive environment that they are trapped in.  One of the most famous examples of this was Steven Stayner, who was kidnapped at age 7 and severely abused for 7 years.  He was subjected to physical, sexual, and mental abuse.  I have had the privilege of working with a number of boys like him, and I consider all of them to be extremely brave.  Many people still believe that children who stay with an abuser/captor do so because they want to.  This is utterly untrue, and is proven through numerous interviews, behavioral, and psychological studies conducted with these victims.  A young child does not have the same ability to cope with stressful situations as an adult would because they have not had the privilege of time and experience that an adult has.  In addition, their brains are growing and developing still so that a young child truly lacks the emotional and physical ability as well as the intricate thought process that adults have.  Therefore, they rely more on their basic instincts, and learn quickly what they need to do in order to survive.  Thus, when they are removed from that abusive situation, they have an extremely hard time adjusting to their new environment because they are not familiar with trust, caring, and compassion.  These are the emotions that the child has to learn once they are put into a new non-abusive environment.  People assume that these emotions are natural.  Many do not realize that much of our human emotional capacities are learned.

The following story is a work of fiction; it also incorporated actual events that I learned from various victims I counseled over the years in the first part of the story.  However, this new part in this story is still a complete work of fiction because I have created, and embellished the facts and individual characters of this story that I took from Part One.  In addition, this story is not intended to be erotic or sexual in nature, but because I have given this story's e publishing rights to Nifty Archives, I am required to include this legal disclaimer.  Therefore, I do not encourage others to perform any kind of abusive or sexual act with minors as described in this story.  If the subject of Man/boy sex, child abuse, and/or rape of minors offends you, or this material is illegal to possess such material of this nature in your place of residence, or if you are under the legal age to possess such material, do not read further!  Finally, I would like to thank Nifty for e publishing this story because without their archive, I would not have the large fan base now.

By downloading this story:  "You implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor, and are entitled to have access to material intended for mature, responsible members of society capable of making decisions about the content of documents they wish to read."  The story is copyrighted under my pseudonym, Snwdemon, and pen name Damion Perez.  A copy has been placed in these archives for your enjoyment.  The story cannot be used to derive monetary gain.  However, if you want to place a copy of this story in your free access archives or free access website, then I give my permission for you to do so.  If your website requires payment for access and you wish to place a copy of my story on your site, then please email me for my permission.  The story cannot be placed in any archives or website that require payment for access, or be printed and distributed in any form that requires payment either directly or indirectly without my written consent first.  Any similarity to individuals, living, or dead, is completely accidental.  Reference is also made in context to some locations, businesses, characters, and people to define the story line.  No other implication about the true sexuality or actions of the people, businesses, or places mentioned is intended.

Author's Note:    Sorry about the mistakes in the chapter I posted. Due to the loss of my computer and software, I am forced to use Microsoft Works, and a couple of shareware programs to create, save, edit, and convert to html for these reconstructed chapters. For some reason, the conversion screwed up many things such as all apostrophes became equal signs. This chapter has been corrected and appears to have converted successfully this time without the mistakes in the original conversion.  Thanks again to all of you for your patience, and continued emails; I do appreciate them.  God bless my friends.  Damion.

Recap from Chapter 3:

            "I will contact you in a week, but whatever you do, don't do anything to alert them that you know what is going on.  I can promise that the Mayor and Council members will suggest a plan to protect the boys, so go along with it because Seth will tell you everything when someone says his true name, and then you will understand that I am on your side.  One last thing, if we make a deal, I will tell that doctor you've hired everything he needs to know in order to reverse the programming of all of the kids involved, and how to restore their memories, but I want your promise to destroy everything about the process so this can never be done to any more kids."  Jonas told them before leaving through the back door just as someone knocked on the door in the den.  Jerry went and opened the door and Junior, who was very pale looking, and Officer Sloane entered.

            "What the hell is going on John?  Two armed thugs just stopped us as we turned onto your street Jerry, and told us to come here instead.  They had both of us cold, but they let us go."  Gary told them.

            "Where are your kids Gary?"  John asked him as Jerry hugged Junior and moved him towards the dining room.

            "At home with my wife, why?"  He said with confusion before his face flushed.

            "You think that I'm involved in this somehow?  How can you think that, John?"

            "I don't know what to believe anymore Gary, so don`t take it personally.  I just know that all of us and our families are in danger now, not just the boys."  John told him.

            "Look, the investigation taskforce has been compromised, I need you to go get Jeanne, Tom, and Sara and bring them here.  I am also calling in the other vital members of the taskforce to come here for an emergency meeting including you and Officer Jacobs too, but you two cannot tell anyone about this.  Also have the bomb squad sweep Jerry's house, but tell them not to enter the house through any of the doors.  Go in through a window instead.  Afterwards, have someone come back here and report what was found to me.  The last thing is that you cannot use a phone or the radio in your cruiser because all of our conversations are being monitored, so I want you to go get them personally, and bring them back here.  Jerry and I will get Chief Smith and the others while you are doing that."

            "Will do sir," Gary told him, but then he stopped and looked directly at John.

            "I don't know what's happening John, but believe me when I tell you that I am not part of whatever is happening.  I appreciate your trust in me because I would not endanger your families or mine.  You have my word on that John."

            "Thanks Gary and I appreciate it."  John told him before shaking his hand, and then Gary left.  John then called Chief Smith using the satellite phone, and told him that he needed to see him and Juan immediately, but he would come pick them up at Lee's house.  He also called judge Orndorf and called Marge too, and they agreed to be ready when Jerry came by to pick them up.  Then John took two zip lock bags and put one of the empty beer bottle's in one, and a few of Jonas's cigarette butts in the other while Jerry gave him a questioning look.

            "He was holding a lot of information back from us, but you already know that," Jerry said to him and John nodded.

            "What's up with those?"

            "These are for a hunch I have is all.  If it plays out, then I will surprise you later with it."  John told him after sealing the bags and then putting them into a brown paper bag.  Then, he and Jerry swept the house once again as well as the outside to insure that they were alone.

End of Chapter 3

Who will catch my fall -- Chapter 4:

I want to thank Miguel Sanchez and Ben Bear for proofing this chapter.  I would also like to thank Jess for editing this chapter as well.  God bless, my friends.

(11:30 PM)

            "Well, that was an informative meeting."  Jerry told the others as he sat in the recliner in John's den along with Juan, Lee, and Dr. Cruz.  John also asked Tom, Sara, Jeanne, Judge Al Orndorf, Margaret Jenkins from CPS, Gary, Officer Jacobs, and Junior to join them as well.  This small group out of the 60 or so taskforce members was the only people John trusted completely.  They had just finished telling them what had transpired when they met with Jonas, and then John played the recording of their conversation.  John switched off the small recorder that Jonas had given him before looking at Chief Smith and the others as they sat in John's den.

            "He made me when I retrieved the tapes and disks?  Then why didn't he take them from me when I got them?"  Gary asked them.

            "Because it seems that he wanted us to have that evidence."  Jerry told them as he sat in the chair with a beer.

            "I know that it goes against my better judgment, but I say that we make the deal.  It's obvious that he has had a number of times to take us out if he wanted to, but it sounds like he has a blood debt to settle with this Foxworth fellow and his boss."

            "I agree with him Lee.  I say make the deal also," John told them.

            "Are you sure John?  Even after he admitted to what happened with Lori and Katie was not an accident?  This man has already shown that he is just a snake in the grass, poised to strike."  Lee Smith asked him as he leaned forward in his seat.

            "Yes, I'm sure, because what he said just confirmed what you, Jerry, and I have suspected ever since it happened.  It's not that alone though Lee," John told him as he looked down at the recorder with a pained look on his face.

            "He understands what it did to me when Katie and Lori died because he has been through it himself.  I saw his pain, and his guilt in his face as he told us about what they did to his brother and him.  Those two men took him and his brother and made them into what they are today; his brother was a monster, and he became a ruthless assassin.  Jonas feels responsible for everything his brother Billy did, especially for what Billy did to his own son Devon.  He has also hidden Seth from his boss, and protected Lucky as much as possible since his birth.  He is linked to all of the boys, and I do not think it is a coincidence that Seth just happens to be Devon Jefferies middle name either, but I am not sure of his motives, or how deep his ties are with Sasha and Lucky yet.  We all know that Seth is in truth Sasha Cimkovich since he provided us with his birth records, and your son did find the needle in the haystack when he found that article Tom."

            "I do not know why he is doing this yet, but I do know that Jonas does not want a way out because he does not expect to survive this.  However, he will have his vengeance on the two men who have harmed him, and his family that I believe consists of more than just his brother Bill Jefferies.  Jonas cannot change the past, but he can atone for what he has been forced to do as well as making the two men responsible pay for their crimes.  Only a select few know this, so this goes for all of you here, what you hear now does not leave this room."  John told all of them, and they all agreed with him.

            "What nobody knows except for Jerry, Juan, Lee, Al, and myself is that Bill Jefferies was not killed by a cop the day he tried to kill Simon.  He was shot with a high-powered rifle from the roof of a building 800 yards away by an unknown shooter.  To be honest about it, I have spoken to several expert sharpshooters, and they have all said that maybe there are a dozen people in the entire world that could have made that shot and Jonas is at the top of that list.  That is what brought him to my attention in the first place, and once I realized that Jonas Eiler was a false identity, I really began to investigate him, so it did not surprise me to find out he was Earl Cass Casey.  Now, after talking with him tonight, I am convinced that he was the one who killed his brother just as he claims he did.  Therefore, I believe him when he says that he is the very best because that kind of skill is not learned, it is a gift.  Make the deal Lee, because Jonas does not plan to walk away from this alive.  He may be a snake poised to strike, but he is our snake now."

            "So why did he ask for immunity if he knows that he is going to die anyway?"  Junior asked.

            "He is asking for it to see if he can trust Chief Smith, and Judge Orndorf here, and he is also asking for it so I can clear his name after this is over.  Once his true-identity is exposed, it is going to have severe repercussions within the CIA and the entire federal government.  This will show that the Federal and State governments have actually faked executions of prisoners sentenced to death.  Then, the government turns them into spies and assassins before letting them loose in public again.  Many of the murderers sentenced to death are deranged, and most have murdered more than once.  These people have been honing their skills at murder for their entire life, they have a need to kill again, and again, and with each murder that need grows.  The government cannot change them, or remove that need in their deranged mind, and that is why they are in prison on death row.  The death penalty is not given to just anyone, but is used only for some deranged individuals that have no remorse, or chance at rehabilitation.  They cannot be trusted with other prisoners even, and that is why they are segregated from the public and even criminals in the prison.  Therefore, this means that the CIA is helping these people to feed that need without getting caught, and by covering these killers tracks once they do kill again."

            "Once the entire story is out, the truth will show that Jonas has done a great service to this country, and the entire world by exposing what the CIA has been doing.  Everyone will also know that he has saved thousands of children around the world from political manipulation, child trafficking, and sexual exploitation.  Most of all, he will prevent anyone in the future from using his brother's process to turn innocent children into mindless zombies for sexual exploitation, or to be used as political pawns used for assassinations again.  The general public will only know that he exposed two very powerful and corrupt men who were exploiting these innocent kids for their own gain.  I know that the federal government will conceal the rest of his actions as Top Secret covert operations, so nobody will know that he is a ruthless killer, or that kids were being brainwashed and used as political pawns or assassins."  John told him, and Junior understood.  Then John told the others as he looked around.

            "It has already started in some ways because of Juan's efforts, so there are over a dozen states preparing to pass laws that will impose tougher penalties on child predators while Congress is about to vote on the toughest child protection bill in the history of this country."

            "I do have a question for you John," Lee said to him as he sat forward in his chair with a serious expression on his face.

            "How long have you and Sara known the truth?"  John glanced over at Sara who was seated beside him on the couch before looking at Lee.

            "We knew the day we rescued Ari that this was much bigger than any of us could ever imagine.  However, it was Simon, who actually told me about this even though he is not aware that he did.  While he was in the hospital recovering right after the Thanksgiving incident, he was having nightmares, and he would talk to us in his sleep.  One of the things he kept saying was that he had to go get Ari, only neither of us knew who he was talking about at the time.  When I say that he would talk to us, I mean that he would actually talk to us, and answer me when I asked him simple questions, but he would wake up terrified before he could give me a complete answer about Ari and he could not remember anything once he was awake.  Dr. Cruz later told us that it is a survival reflex for a child, especially for a child that has been programmed as Simon has been.  The child will automatically block out traumatic events that they are unable to cope with, but those events surface as they sleep and dream.  Sara arranged for Dr. Gholl to give him a sodium amatol, or truth serum that allowed me to question him in more detail about some of the things he had said during his nightmares, but we still thought that Ari was just one of the other victims of Bill."  John explained to them, and then Sara said.

            "The drug put Simon into a state similar to a hypnotic trance that allowed him to answer questions without causing the terror that always made him wake up.  By doing it this way, Simon was able to go back and recall some of the things that Bill Jefferies and Terry Robinson had done to him, Ari, Seth, and to Lucky.  We both knew after that happened that something bigger was going on in the Jefferies case, but when John started looking into the things that Simon had told us, he kept running into a wall of secrecy, and he could not find anything at all about Ari.  That is why he decided to leave the force and became a Federal Agent so he could break through that wall."  She told them honestly.

            "It was only on the day that we found Ari alive that Sara and I realized that Seth, and Lucky may be alive somewhere also, and not just two more dead victims of Jefferies.  That is when I really began to recheck statements made by neighbors, but they only knew of Simon while their kids mentioned Ari, Lucky, and Seth several times when I questioned them.  After we recovered Ari that was when I knew that I could not solve this if I stayed with the department, and I could not keep my promise to Simon to keep him safe.  I realized that I had no other choice if we were to find Lucky and Seth alive, so I left the force.  Once I took the job as a U.S. Marshall, I was given access to the top-secret files that I could not get before.  However, it was when we took down Parrish, and I saw a couple of the tapes that we seized, that is when I realized that the taskforce was compromised."  John told them, and then he looked over at Marge and Jeanne.

            "I'm sorry that I withheld this information from you Marge, but I didn't have a choice until I knew exactly who else was working for the other side.  I have known Jack Murdock since I joined the force, and once I left the force, along with two more secret sessions with Simon and one with Ari once we recovered him, I was able to discover that Jack and his wife were supplying orphaned boys and girls between the ages of 10 to 14 to Parrish.  Seth was actually being prepared for one of Foxworth's clients even though he does not know that Seth is a plant by Armitage to eliminate everyone who could link him to Foxworth's operation.  Neither of Armitage or Foxworth knew that Jonas had taken Seth first and programmed him to expose them, and Jonas made sure that no one had altered Seth's true directives to protect Lucky, Simon, and Ari from harm."

            "We know now that Lucky was supposed to be sold into a kiddie-porn ring in Mexico, and he was put through the behavior modification process first, and the memory suppression process after Ari was deprogrammed by Jonas.  That was before Terry and Bill put Seth into the chamber, and then Terry just left him to die there.  We still do not know why Lucky was put through the full process the second time, but I have a couple of hunches.  However, both processes did not work completely on Lucky because of what Ari and Simon had told him to do in order to protect himself.  He did listen to them and did exactly as they told him, and that was the reason he was able to escape after Bill and Terry let him out of the chamber.  They were planning to put him through the entire process again when he escaped and ran away to you the first time Tom."  John told him, and Tom looked stunned as John continued.

            "I know that this is going to be hard to accept Tom, but all of the boys including Lucky have been programmed numerous times.  Lucky's school attendance records have been altered for the months he missed, and I found the people on the school board that are working for Foxworth along with dozens of names of people I believe are teachers and administrators in four different Middle or Junior high schools through out the Metro area.  The children, who were mostly boys since this process is much less reliable with girls, who were placed with the Robinsons were all labeled as troubled, antisocial, loners, and rebelled against any kind of rules.  Therefore, if anyone actually checked into these missing kids background, then all we would find is the evidence to support the claim that the kid just ran away."

            "The common links with all of these kids including the boys are these.  They all ranged in age from eight to ten years old when they were placed with Terry, and they are all orphans with no living relatives or family.  Another link is that they were all described by others who knew them as good looking, beautiful, innocent, and some even ventured as far as sexy.  The most important fact is that all of these missing children and the boys had Mrs. Murdock as their caseworker and her husband Jack handled their cases in his court.  The only exception is Simon because he was only four when he was programmed successfully, and we are still checking to see if he had any contact with the Murdocks.  We also do not know exactly how many children that have had her as their caseworker who disappeared as of yet.  However, we do know of the 14 boys and 5 girls of hers that she sent to the Robinsons over the last five years are missing, and that is not counting Lucky or Seth, but even they were labeled as having run away and being troubled."

            "If you go back in all of their histories, you will find that prior to them being assigned to Mrs. Murdock, and being sent to live with the Robinsons, that they were known to be very well behaved, and overall good kids.  Also, we discovered that when they attended earlier schools, their records all show that these same troubled kids were known to be friendly, outgoing with above average intelligence, and that they had no disciplinary or attendance problems at all until they started in the school where some of Foxworth's people are employed.  That is why Mrs. Murdock took Lucky back to the Robinson's once you took him to the hospital Tom.  She had to return him because if he had stayed with you then Merle's people would not have any contact with him.  Those people were told to put Lucky through the process again immediately to make him ready for the porn ring, but if he caused anymore problems to just kill him."  John told him, and Tom looked at him with a shocked expression as he finally found his voice.

            "What are you saying John?  If my son was put into that torture chamber once, and escaped by running away to me; then why did they put him through this process again, and why doesn't he remember any of this at all?"  Tom asked.

            "We don't know why he was put through the memory suppression process after he was returned to the Robinsons.  Lucky does remember everything that happened to him, only his brain will not allow him to access those memories because he is still unable to deal with those memories yet, Tom.  What we do know is that Lucky either discovered or witnessed something that made Terry call Merle the day you took Lucky to the hospital the first time.  Foxworth then ordered that Lucky was to be put through the behavior modification process again as soon as he was returned to Terry.  Mrs. Murdock returned him even though she was told by the hospital officials that you had brought him in, and that he had clear signs of being sexually abused.  We also know that it was Terry who contacted Merle again in order to find an immediate buyer for Lucky after he had been returned, and then he was found a few days later in that ditch, so something went very wrong."  John explained, and then Jerry said.

            "We know why the processes were only partially successful both times now is because of what Ari had taught him about making his fortress, only Simon and Ari did not have enough time to teach him completely how to protect himself.  Ari has discovered the only way to stop both of these processes from working somehow, and he used that knowledge to save not only Simon, Lucky, and Seth, but himself too.  Lucky does not remember that he went through the behavior modification process yet because of that reason, and because he is still a little boy physically.  Dr. Alva Cruz said that a physically immature or underdeveloped child like Lucky deals with the traumatic events that they are unable to cope with mentally by simply blocking out those memories.  Lucky is not able to cope with those memories yet so he has blocked out most of the five-month ordeal that he went through."  Jerry told him.

            "That is why the hospital staff said that he had been sexually molested, but could not find any evidence of any recent abuse, and why Lucky could not remember when the molestation happened, or who had molested him.  All he has ever remembered was what he told you when he showed up at St. Michael's in just his underwear.  He told you all he could remember; he said `they hurt me, they hurt my hiney`, and he cannot remember anything else.  We know that he escaped and ran away to you after they put him through the behavior modification process the first time, and I am surprised he did not have a complete mental breakdown then.  Yet, you told us that he could only remember being with the Robinsons for less than a month even though he had been with them for almost five months.  He also had no memory of him starting school either because he had not started school that year until October.  When he was returned to the Robinsons, he was with them for almost four weeks before he was found naked and near death by the logging road just a day before I met Simon.  When he woke up in the hospital four days later, all he could remember was being sent back to the Robinsons for three days only when he had been back for almost a full month."  John told him as he picked up where Jerry left off.

            "So that tells us that for some unknown reason Terry decided to have him put through the behavior modification process the first time, and then something disastrous that forced him to have Lucky put through the memory suppression process the second time instead of the behavior modification only.  Whatever happened to him during those six months he was with the Robinsons is so traumatic that his mind will not allow him to remember it, and that is why his memory is so jumbled and sketchy right now."  John told him before saying.

            "I have Al Orndorf working with my people, so maybe they will be able to piece together what happened to him during that time, then Alva will be able to help him remember, and to deal with whatever they did to him when he is mentally strong enough to handle those memories Tom."

            "We all tend to forget that he was only nine years old when all of this happened and that he only turned ten in November because he is so smart.  That is why he can only remember bits and pieces during his time with the Robinsons, and what he does remember is all jumbled in his head.  It is just as Alva has explained to us as to why he blocked out those memories because he still is just a little boy who is not even close to entering puberty yet.  However, I personally believe that the reason Lucky did go through the complete memory suppression process after he was sent back was that he had found someone who really did care about him, and that scared Terry and the others.  Because Lucky had found someone he could run to for help, someone he could trust with his life; and someone he knew in his heart would believe no matter what, and help him before they could hurt him even more."  Sara told him with understanding.

            "That is what he did when Ari told him to make a special place in his dreams, his fortress, so he would not forget the things most important to him.  When he went through the process the first time Tom, there were only four people in his life who were that important to him.  They were his best and only friends Seth, Simon, and Ari, and the most important person he had was you.  He had found you Tom, you gave him an option that he never has had before, and he used it to save himself.  When he went through the first process, the most important memory he put into his fortress was to go find you when they let him out of that place no matter what because he knew you would save him somehow.  He was right too because you did save his life Tom, just by being there for him, and believing him when nobody else would.  Just by you believing in him, and caring about him was what saved him because someone decided to kill him if he resisted when Mrs. Murdock gave him back to the Robinsons.  He did resist, and they almost did succeed in killing him, but you were there again to pick up all of the broken pieces of his soul, and make him whole again.  He needs you Tom, and he bet his life that you would save him, and he wasn't wrong because you did."  Sara told him.

            "I didn't know that his life was at stake at the time Sara.  I just knew how much he needed me," he said quietly, and his tears spilled down his face before saying in a thick voice.  "I need him just as much too."

            "We know Tom, and that is why we helped you adopt him."  Al told him, "Even I could see that you and Lucky belong together.  The two of you need each other so much that it is obvious to everyone who knows you and Lucky.  I have rarely met an adult who is able to love a child in need so completely as you love Lucky.  Most people see a child in need like your son, and they will foster or adopt them out of the goodness in their hearts, but you Tom, you give 100% of yourself to Lucky and don`t expect anything from him other than what he chooses to give.  Because of that, Lucky has learned to trust and love again, and he has recaptured the innocence of being a child because of you Tom.  I am not very religious due to my position as a family court judge, but I can see that you do have a divine purpose in life, and that is to be a parent.  By the way, what did you find out from that doctor you took him to?"  He asked as he expertly diverted Tom's thoughts away from this painful topic for a few minutes.

            "The Endocrinologist I took Lucky to?  He just verified what I had suspected is all.  Lucky does have a growing disorder because his growth factor and testosterone levels are almost non-existent which is not normal for a 10-year-old boy.  His melatonin level is extremely high when it should be low at this point of his life, and he still has most of his baby teeth when he should be getting his permanent molars right now.  There has not been any official studies concerning young children and high levels of melatonin, but there is enough evidence that suggests that high melatonin levels may actually delay the onset of puberty by years, and it is widely taken by most child actors today, but supposedly as a harmless sleep aid only.  The problem with Lucky though, is that none of his hormone levels is even near the normal range levels that they should be and his pituitary gland does not appear to be functioning at all."  Tom told him as he calmed down and regained his control before continuing.

            "The specialist asked me if he had ever had any brain or head trauma when he was an infant or toddler, and I told him about the assaults, and about his birth.  He said that it is most likely that his pituitary gland was damaged during his birth, but not the assaults because they happened to late in his life to inhibit his growth.  He has had the disorder his entire life showing that it is genetic, but only now when his body should be starting to show growth changes is why we are noticing the signs of his disorder since this is when we expect children to start growing.  Also, because he is an orphan, and because he is in the foster system that always moves a child into a different home every 12 to 18 months is why nobody discovered his disorder earlier.  I discovered it because I have known Lucky for over three years now, and he looks exactly the same as he looked when I first came to St. Michael's as the new pastor when Mark was elevated to Bishop.  He is still the same height, and weight that he was when he turned seven."

            "Basically, the doctor said that Lucky is not growing normally.  He surely is not growing at all right now, and he will not grow unless something is done to correct the imbalance with his hormones from this genetic disorder.  The specialist also said that he will have to carefully monitor Lucky's reactions too, and his growth until he is an adult.  Lucky is still a 6 to 8 year-old boy physically for the most part, but there are still some physical abnormalities about his body that have not yet progressed past the toddler stage yet.  The signs of his disorder have been there all his life, but only a parent or a personal physician would notice these abnormalities that point to a genetic growth disorder.  You noticed one of those things Sara after you bathed him, which is how undersized his testicles are, while mentally he is working on the same level as a 14 year-old boy would be.  You cannot see these abnormalities unless you are a parent or doctor because they are only visible when he is completely undressed, and only then will you see that Lucky appears stuck in between a toddler and preadolescent boy physically.  The doctor wanted to begin HRT immediately, but I asked him to contact Dr. Cruz here, and speak with him about his treatment.  After they consulted with each other, they have decided to hold off treatment until Lucky finishes his initial therapy with Alva first, and then begin HRT."

            "Yes, we decided that was the best course for your son because the hormone replacement therapy will cause some radical mood swings and behavioral changes at first when he starts the therapy until his body adjusts.  If he is still suffering from the psychological problems from this reprogramming, then he could have an even worse mental breakdown and emotional collapse when he begins the HRT treatments.  That could lead to some possible permanent psychosis, or cause suicidal reactions in him.  That is why I have informed your doctor that Lucky is not emotionally stable enough yet to risk starting the therapy at this time.  However, as long as he begins his HRT therapy before he turns 14, then he should be fine, so we have plenty of time still.  To be honest, we could even delay the start of the treatment until he is 16, but I believe that would only cause him more social and mental distress if we do that."  Dr. Alvarado Cruz explained to them all.

            "I think that answers our questions about Lucky, Tom.  His reactions to these processes are the same as any prepubescent child.  Alva explained to us that the younger prepubescent children react this way because their brains have not developed enough to allow them to reason and cope with situations like this.  You can still see the effects this trauma has had on him though, and that is why he was so withdrawn and passive at Henson Junior High when he started attending there, and he still is even to this day.  He behaves the same way that Simon, Ari, and Seth do because he has experienced the same things that they have.  He is very claustrophobic, and cannot sleep unless the door is open and the light is on, just as the other boys do.  He has nightmares and wets the bed, but he cannot remember anything except the overwhelming fear when he wakes up, and it is the same for Simon, Ari, and Seth.  Most of all, he is terribly insecure and cannot accept the fact that you or anyone of us can love him without requiring something in return from him such as sex, just as it is the same with the other boys."  John told him, and Tom just nodded while his face flushed with understanding.

            "He will eventually remember everything Tom, and he will deal with all of these things once he feels secure enough with you.  Everything is still new to him now that you really are his Dad, and he will slowly come out of the protective shell that he is still hiding in right now.  He loves his new school, and he is making friends there while excelling in his classes.  He has his new brothers to turn to for help, or one of us, but most of all, he has found a rock that is his foundation for his new life he is building.  You are that rock Tom, just as Sara and I are the rocks that Simon and Ari are using to build their new lives with also.  I know that it is premature, but I also suspect that you will be the foundation Seth uses to build his new life around too.  Well, he will if Lucky has any say in the matter because he loves Seth the same way Ari loves Simon, only for different reasons is all.  Alva has told us just to love the boys, and not to push them about these things yet.  To let them choose and develop their network of support that they can turn to for help, and they are all doing just that right now.  When they feel ready and secure enough with us, once they feel secure enough in this fortress we are making real for them; then they will begin to remember these horrible things, and let us help them deal with them little by little.  Remember the incident at the hospital Tom, both Simon and Ari told us about how they were teaching Lucky to protect himself before he went through the process, and that is why it was unsuccessful when he actually went through it later."

            "That is why I told the boys that they were all brothers on Christmas," Sara told him.  "Because they really are brothers in many ways, and it is why we have insisted on treated them as brothers since then.  All four of them are orphans, and they have all lived through something so horrible that we can barely grasp the idea of it ourselves.  Somehow, whether it was coincidence or by God's hand, they found each other.  Each of them has a special strength within him, and alone each of them are vulnerable, but together they are almost invincible.  They may not even realize it, but they need to be with each other in order to survive for now until all of us can help them recover and are strong enough to make it on their own.  Ty told us that we have to make these fortresses they have created in their minds real if they are to recover emotionally, and that is what we are trying to do now because we will lose all of them if we don't."

            "That will not happen, Sara," Tom told her solemnly.  "They will recover because we will make them a real fortress in this world with our love and faith.  I promise that to all of you."  He told her with solid conviction, and the others agreed with the same conviction.  Then John cleared his throat and continued.

            "As I was saying, over the last five years, 14 boys and 5 girls have been placed with the Robinsons who have mysteriously disappeared, and all of them had been listed as troubled kids who ran away within a few months of their placement.  CPS conducted a nominal investigation with Mrs. Murdock in charge, and then she presented her findings to her husband Jack Murdock, who then closed each case until the missing child was found.  Of the 14 boys in question, one was Seth, and another was Lucky.  You will not believe this, but their files had already been closed by Jack prior to Christmas, who said that both of them are considered runaways until they are located and returned to the state's custody, and Lucky was living with you when he did this Tom.  Therefore, it means that it was only because of our intervention with Judge Orndorf here that saved Lucky from being taken from you again Tom."

            "Mrs. Murdock would have taken Lucky from you again within the week after Christmas, and returned him to the Robinsons because her husband had already labeled you as a pedophile, and a danger to him.  Then Lucky would have disappeared from the Robinsons within days, and nobody would have questioned his disappearance, or the investigation would focus on you only for his disappearance.  However, because we got you in to see Al, it just left her powerless to continue to manipulate the system, so she could not deliver Lucky to Foxworth as promised, nor could she go back and correct the things placed in his file either without attracting our attention.  As I just told you, Lucky was supposed to be the next victim sold, and Foxworth was going to get over three million dollars for him upon delivery to the kiddie porn ring in Mexico.  The Robinsons would have gotten $250,000 each, the most that they had ever received for any child."

            "However, it was Jonas who restored Ari's memory after his brother Bill had reprogrammed him in order to find out where he hid the evidence he took from Parrish.  He had also prepared Seth before any of this began, and he only put him in the sensory deprivation chamber in the basement after stabilizing him once he found him near death from lack of food and water in the basement.  While we were busy investigating his brother's death between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you were busy helping Lucky recover from his brutal sexual assault, Jonas realized after Bill's death that Terry had left Seth to die in that room, and he only put him in the sensory deprivation chamber the day before we found him.  When you think about it, it was Simon who once again who saved his friend by telling us about the sensory deprivation chamber in the basement.  Just as he saved Ari by remembering that he had freed him the day he was shot, and he saved Lucky by introducing us to you Tom so that we could intervene before Mrs. Murdock could take Lucky away from you again."  He told them before continuing, and all of them nodded because it was the truth.  His brothers were all saved by Simon because he kept pushing himself to remember all of these awful memories no matter how much pain it caused him psychologically.

            "There is some good news though, all of the other 12 boys have been located alive, and are now in protective custody with the U.S. Marshall Service.  They have all been subjected to this `behavior modification process' more than once, two of the boys also went through the memory suppression process twice, and a few of the boys are psychologically troubled because of it.  All of them are currently receiving psychiatric treatment at this time, but we have been unable to locate any of the girls so far."  John told them.

            "How did you know that the Murdock's were involved though?"  Marge asked him.  "Not to doubt you, but what evidence do you have that proves they knew that these kids were picked specifically for this sex ring?"

            "I realized that the taskforce was compromised when I viewed the tapes that were seized from the Robinsons home.  Jack Murdock has a very prominent tattoo on his left bicep of a snake encircling a dagger.  He has a scar from where he was wounded in the war, and the scar is just beneath the point of the dagger that makes the tattoo so memorable.  That tattoo and scar are quite visible on one of the tapes where four very young boys, physically similar to Lucky, were forcibly sodomized for the first time by a man even though the head and face of that man was never shown.  That scar and tattoo identifies Jack as that man, and the odds of him not being the person in that video are astronomical.  It also shows his wife's face clearly, as she is bringing in another bound and blindfolded boy after Jack finishes sodomizing the first boy."  John told her before Al handed her a file.  She opened the file, and saw four page sized photos of Mrs. Murdock leading a bound and blindfolded boy into a room.  The rest showed her and the tattoo John had mentioned together, and then as the man sodomized the bound child as Mrs. Murdock watched, and finally of her carrying the first child from the room.

            "As Juan has informed me, this is known as breaking the puppies in, or training the puppies.  This is done to introduce the virgin boys to anal sex, and to teach the boys to relax in order to prevent serious or life threatening injuries such as the torn colon Lucky had.  Therefore, this means that they are both active participants of Foxworth's sex operation, and cannot claim ignorance of what was happening once they go to trial.  I pulled their financial documents for the last ten years; those records show that they have received almost $500,000.00 from Parrish during the last two years, and a total of 2.5 million dating back more than the 10 years that I've pulled."

            "Oh my God!  You mean that she had been doing this on purpose for all of this time.  That she assisted and watched as Jack rape these kids, and that all of this was happening right under my nose, and I missed it?"  Marge said in horror as her eyes filled as she stared at the picture showing Mrs. Murdock`s face clearly, and her tears spilled down her face.

            "May God forgive me for my incompetence; I will have my resignation on your desk in the morning Al.  I failed all of those kids she sold, and I may even be liable if any were murdered.  I'm so sorry."

            "No; now sit down and just listen to me!  You will not do a damn thing Margaret, because if you do, then you will compromise this entire investigation, and you will endanger all of the kids John has rescued so far.  Damn it to hell Marge, this is not your fault!  You were duped the same as everyone else here because of their actions.  I even stuck my own dick out on the chopping block to stand up for Jack's honor and integrity as a judge, but I was fooled the same as you were.  The Murdock's have been playing the system and us for years, and they are the ones who will answer for this, but not until we have recovered all of the kids involved.  That is our number one priority right now, and that is to rescue these kids, and help them heal from this damn nightmare."  Al told her angrily.

            "John has briefed me from the very beginning since I met him and approved his adoption of Ari and Simon at Bayside.  That is why Juan insisted that I take over Lucky's case right before Christmas; right after they met you Tom because he knew that Lucky was in immediate danger if Mrs. Murdock remained in charge of him.  That is why I called a special session on Sunday, Christmas Eve day because I trusted Juan's judgment, and we only discovered afterwards that Jack had already signed the order to revoke your custody of Lucky two days earlier.  They were going to enforce that order on the 27^th, and remove Lucky from your care and he was to be sent directly to Merle's people that day, so if I had not acted immediately, then Lucky would have disappeared before we could sort everything out.  However, there still are several people involved that John is investigating including two city council members.  Therefore, we will do nothing except for what John tells us to do, and when to do it, understand."  He informed her, and Marge just nodded as she realized just how close the Murdocks had come to eliminating Lucky and exposing their investigation.  Then Chief Smith spoke up next.

            "All right, we will make the deal, but I still can't believe that Lou would sell out to the other side.    No matter what happens now, I want to handle him myself.  I owe him at least that much John."  Lee said as he thought about the Mayor's double-crossing the taskforce.

            "No Lee, you won't do anything to him except to bring him to a meeting with just the three of us that I will set up.  I may not be as good as Jonas is yet, but I can play this game also.  Juan, I want you to quietly setup through your Washington contacts a drug raid by the ATF on this abandoned town.  I will arrange for some jamming equipment to be in the area that will prevent any of the kidnappers from notifying their superiors when we rescue Davey.  All I need to do is find somewhere safe to take him away from here so that he can be treated for whatever they did to him.  Once we have him safe, then we can count on Lou turning and aiding us, and he will be able to tell us who else Foxworth owns on the taskforce.  Lou is only doing this because they have his son Lee, and we can control how his involvement in this was once the story breaks.  They will only know that he was our inside informant in order to help us rescue his son David."  John told them, and Lee looked at John with a newfound respect before smiling.

            "You are a good man John, and you are better at this game than they are because you still have your soul."  Lee told him as he clapped him on the shoulder.

            "Thank you my friend, because Lou is a very close friend of mine along with being a good cop and judge too.  I know that he will tell us everything he knows and help us once we show him that David is safe."

            "Well, the first thing that I'm doing is securing all of our family members for everyone in this room right now, as well as others closely involved in the investigation, because they will all be at risk once we raid the location that Davey is being held at.  I've got everyone we will be providing protection for on this list."  John told them as he put it on the table and Junior casually picked it up and began scanning the names on it.

            "We will rescue Davey in two weeks on a Saturday after we hold a taskforce meeting on Friday, the day before, to draw Foxworth's attention elsewhere.  At the same time, once Davey is secure, Lee will then take Jack and his wife into custody and move them to a secret location for holding.  I also know of two other places where the kids are being reprogrammed, including the place where Seth was trained and reprogrammed, but it is part of Armitage's operations, which we will target next time because they are more secure than Foxworth's are.  Armitage has two secret facilities that are right here in the U.S. with a third located in Manitoba, Canada; here, one is located in a small town in the mountains near Spokane.  The U.S. Marshals and FBI will raid that place, as well as the other secret location located in West Virginia in the Appalachian Mountains after we take down Foxworth.  For right now, all we are doing is concentrating on Foxworth's operation only, which is not as extensive in security as Armitage's are since they are setup for the sexual exploitation of kids only.  His facilities that he has are located in Tennessee, Mexico, and Peru.  I have already contacted the government embassies of those countries and briefed them about what Foxworth has been doing under the disguise of operating an orphanage.  I hope that they will take control and shut down those sites after we arrest Foxworth.  However, we will take down his facility in Tennessee at the same time when we rescue Davey."

            "Um, Uncle John, this list isn't complete.  You missed my br...uh, I mean that at least three people that I don't see on the list that should be."  Junior said suddenly as he finished going through the list of names.  However, just as suddenly, he cut himself off and held back as he looked worriedly over at Jerry, and John could see the fear in his eyes as he looked towards his father when he corrected himself.

            "Who did I miss Junior?"  John asked him as he watched Junior, who was now glancing nervously between his mother and father.  After a tense minute of complete silence, his eyes filled with his tears as he just stared at Jerry for a long moment, praying for him to say something to help him, but then John saw something change in Junior's face just before he spoke.  He watched him swallow hard as he looked down at the list again, glance one more time at his mother who nodded ever so slightly to him, and then his jaw muscles tightened with resolve before looking at his Dad again and blinking back his tears.

            "I'm sorry Dad, but you have to tell him about Sean and Sky, and their mom Shiloh."  He said in a nervous voice.  Jerry's head snapped around, and he looked at Junior in complete surprise for a moment.  Then his face became stony, and he stared hard at his son while Junior stared right back at him refusing to look away.

            "Who are Sean and Sky?"  John asked them, but Junior remained quiet as he and Jerry stared at each other for another long, quiet minute.  John could see Jerry's jaw muscles tightening and relaxing which John knew that it meant Jerry was seething with anger.  Then Jerry finally looked away from Junior with a look of profound disgust on his face and remained silent.  However, Junior's reaction was mixed, first with surprise and then anger towards Jerry.  It was the first time he had ever seen Junior angry with anyone, especially with Jerry.  It was also completely out of character for Junior to be angry with anyone, especially from everything John knew about him.  Their relationship had become closer over two years ago when Junior turned to him for help and advice, since then John saw and treated him as if he was his own son.  He was also very proud of the kind and caring young man Junior was becoming, and anger was not a part of that young man.

            "You aren't going to tell him Dad?"  Junior demanded angrily from Jerry as he stood up, faced him, and yet, he still tried to respect him while giving him plenty of time to change his mind.

            "I will not discuss this right now boy; and that is final!"  Jerry said with venom in his voice.  However, Junior looked at the list in his hand, and then stared angrily at his father as his face turned red.

            "How dare you, you self righteous bastard.  You are always telling me that to be a man that I should do the right thing no matter what the consequences because the truth and honesty are more important than pride or vanity.  Yet, you are refusing to say anything even though it is the right thing to do because they are all in danger now.  This is not some damn game Dad, its life or death for them right now.  How can you do that to her?  Even worse, how can you just sit there and pretend they don't even exist, they are your sons too Dad?"  Junior asked him as his eyes flashed angrily.

            "I said to hold your tongue lassie," Jerry snapped at him, and Junior flinched as if he had been slapped when he heard it.  If the air had not been filled with so much tension, John would have laughed and dismissed it as a slip of the tongue, but he realized that Jerry had said it intentionally hoping to shut Junior up.  However, Junior refused to back down because he knew that it was the right thing to do, and it only strengthened his resolve as he faced his father man to man.

            "No, I will not, no matter what you call me because this is the only right thing to do.  They are not only your sons Dad; they are also MY brothers.  I love them, and always have since Sean and Sky were born.  There, I said it, so it is no longer a secret anymore as you have pretended it to be for all these years.  Both Mom and I have known about them and their mom since before they were born, so it is not as if it was ever a big secret in our house except to you.  You just do not want to have to admit to Mom and everyone here that you had an affair with their mother, and got her knocked up.  So now everyone knows that you aren't perfect, but they already knew that anyway.  Well, to hell with your pride because they are all in danger.  They could die because of your foolishness, so if you won't tell Uncle John about my brothers, then I will."  Junior told him in a quiet but firm voice, and he still refused to be cowed as Jerry stood up coming chest to chest with him.

            "I thought I was raising you right to be a man. Instead, you are filled with disrespect for me.  I know what you have been trying to say to me, and now you want to talk like a man and square off with me?  I am ashamed to be in the same room with you, and you will never be a man in my eyes."  Jerry said in a soft, but tightly controlled voice before storming out of the room and into the kitchen.  However, Jerry's words were as sharp as slaps to Junior, and after a moment, and unable to hold back his tears he fled upstairs to the boys' room.  John got up just as Jeanne did, but he asked her if he could deal with Jerry once he finished, and she agreed before going upstairs after Junior.  However, John did not miss the burning anger in her eyes as she left the room.

            "John, I think I know of just the place to send David once we rescue him, and once we do spring their trap, I think we should send all of the boys there with Davey and Jerry's boys as well now.  I was going to suggest this to you before this happened, because my friend Jay just might be able to restore the use of Simon's paralyzed right arm.  I have known his father Miguel Sanchez for many years, and I believe that his son Julio can also help Simon recover some of the basic motor functions in his left leg so that he may be able to stand and walk with a brace or even a cane.  The boys will be safe with him, and they will receive all of the medical care that they need in order to recover completely.  Miguel and his son Jay are pediatric doctors, and the only problem I can see is that they must to be sent to Recéfe in Brazil.  However, Miguel can and will ensure their safety as well as we could provide for them here.  Miguel is a very well known and respected Pediatric Surgeon, and as I just said, his son Julio, or Jay as he likes to be called, Sanchez is one of the best Pediatric Neurosurgeons in the Western hemisphere."  Juan told them, and John thought about it for a couple of minutes before deciding that it was a very good idea.  He quickly realized that nobody would ever suspect that he would send the boys half way around the world in order to protect them when he took down Foxworth and Armitage.

            "Okay ladies and gentlemen, we all have work to do, so let's do it.  John, set up the meeting and I will tell Jonas that we have a deal.  Juan, you make those arrangements with your friend Jay, but I want to meet with Miguel before we do this just to be safe.  Then once we have to boys safely with him, let's take these bastards down."  Lee Smith told them as he stood up and took charge.

(12 AM B a half hour later)

            "You weren't going to tell me about your other sons, were you?"  John asked his long time friend as he came into the kitchen.

            "Where do they live, and how old are they now?"

            "Their names are Sean and Skylar Eaglefeather, they are identical twins, and I met their mother a little over 13 years ago when I was completing my degree at the University.  Their mother, Shiloh, she is like a warm summer breeze.  I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, and we enjoyed six wonderful months together, until she got pregnant with the twins.  After I really thought about it, I realized that I still loved Jeanne, and I asked Shiloh to get an abortion and broke off the affair even though I still love her.  She was unsure about what to do when I broke off the affair, but then she decided to keep the twins, and I am glad that she did that.  She had identical twin boys, which are common in my family."

            "They were born on September 12, 1983, and she gave them her Native American name as well as mine.  I have provided for them since then, and see them as much as I can, but she told me either to be there for them all of the time, or to stay away.  The boys favor their mother, but Sean has my green eyes, so she gave him my middle name.  However, Skylar's eyes are sapphire blue, and that is why his name is Sky for `Pleasing Sky' although I forget the words in Cherokee.  They are identical in every way right down to identical birthmarks except for the color of their eyes, and they are twelve and a half years old now."

            "I visited with them right after Christmas, but only Sean would talk to me while Sky stayed in his room because things have been getting strained between us over the last year and a half.  Chi and I figured that the boys would be harassed and possibly targeted if it were known that I was their father since I was working undercover at the time, so we had their birth records sealed when they were born.  She even returned to her home on the reservation in Oklahoma where they were born.  Nobody knows that they are my sons, which is why I was surprised that Junior even knew about them."  Jerry said with his back towards John.  "I know that I really fucked things up John, but I'm really not in a mood for lectures."

            "Well, God damn it, you are going to get one Jerry.  You, Jeanne, and your kids are not just a part of my family, all of you are my family.  I cannot understand why you would hide something this damn important from me, especially after everything we have been through together.  I would not have ever said anything if you had asked me not to unless it meant they would be in danger as they are now.  However, Junior is going to be 17 in two months, and he is man enough to realize that they were in danger, and he spoke up as a good man should do...as you should have done.  When he saw that his brothers were not on that list, I can understand his anger at you.  However, instead of admitting you were wrong and being proud of him, you were angry, and said the one thing that would hurt him the most."

            "You are my friend Jerry, but I really want to box your ears for what you just did in there, and you are right because you just fucked up royally.  I could understand your reaction if it was Ari out there screaming at you, or even me, but it was your oldest son.  I did not understand Jonas's comment earlier tonight that your `oldest' son was safe when he made it until Junior said something just now.  That means that if Jonas knows about Sean and Sky, then Armitage and Foxworth probably know about them as well no matter how careful you have been to keep it a secret.  Junior is not some stupid little boy anymore, but a man just like his father, and if you have not noticed lately, he is almost as tall as you are.  He knows that we are all in danger Jerry, and that means that your other two sons, his brothers, are in danger too.  So you should respect him as a man and go apologize to him for doing the right thing and telling me about your other sons."  John told him as he put his hand on Jerry's shoulder and stood beside him.

            "I will not apologize to him for his disrespect and squaring off on me.  I didn't bring him up to act like common trash."  Jerry said as he continued to look out the window with his head held high.

            "Are you sure that your problem is about that only?  Or is it about Junior standing up to you as a man...even though he is gay, Jerry?"  John asked him in his most compassionate voice, and Jerry just glanced at him before hanging his head while his face burned.

            "I saw how he reacted when you called him lassie Jerry, and it has lowered my respect for you also.  I thought that something like that would have been beneath you, but to say that to him because he is gay was spiteful and plain wrong.  I thought that when he came to me two years ago, and told me that he could not hide from his feelings anymore that he asked me for advice and help because he was terrified of disappointing you.  I understand what you are going through Jerry, I really do.  I know what it feels like because I experienced the same feelings you have right now once I realized that Simon and Ari were gay even though they are so young.  I wanted to tell them that it was a sin, and to forbid them from showing their true emotions towards each other.  Then I realized that by doing that, I was no better than Jefferies was because I would be trying to control their minds and behavior as he had done.  However, I would have never thrown it into their faces as if it was something to be ashamed of, as you did to Junior just now.  You are not just my friend Jerry, but my brother who pulled me back from the dark pit I was falling into after Lori and Katie died.  So, I cannot even imagine how much damage and pain you have just caused to him either."  John told him in an angry tone of voice.

            "I spoke with Tom about the boys being gay right after Christmas, and he asked me if there was really a difference between the love I share with Sara, and the love the boys share with each other.  Even though Lucky has not even brought up the subject of being homosexual, Tom can already see that he is gay, but that has not changed his feelings towards him at all.  When you think about it, there is not any difference between a man loving a woman and a man loving a man.  The only difference between them is sexual practices only, yet sex is not a required part of true love and I admitted that I was wrong.  Tom told me that while the church doctrine will say otherwise, but that there is nothing in the bible saying that being gay is wrong.  It only has one verse that speaks against fornication between the sexes is all, and there are a number of passages that speak of true love between men and true love between women.  That single verse was speaking about illicit and perverse sexual practices such as sex with animals and group sex only, but there is nothing in the bible that says loving someone of the same gender is wrong."  John said to him while hoping that he was getting through to his long time friend, and then he asked him.

            "Come on Jerry, I know how much you love the boys, and you don't see anything wrong about them being gay, so why are you treating Junior as if he has some contagious disease?"

            "You know...he has been trying to tell me for almost a year now, but I have refused to listen to him.  At first, I thought that he was saying it just to get me to react or to notice him, but I soon realized that he was just being honest with me...and with himself.  I just do not know what to say to him about anything now, or how."  Jerry told him as he continued to hang his head in shame, and John could see his tears dripping off his nose.

            "I knew I hurt him as soon as I said it, but you know how stupid I can be when I get my dander up.  Now, I don't even know what to say to fix things...or if he will ever forgive me."

            "Why don't you try telling him the truth, Jerry?  Start with that because it is what he needs to hear from you right now.  Your words out there were worse on him than if you sucker punched him in the face a few times.  You could have beat the hell out of him, or even kicked him out of the house, and it would not have hurt him as much as what you did out there.  Yes, he is gay, but he is also a young man, and he is still your son.  You rebuked him in front of all of us just because he told us what we have always known, and that is that nobody is perfect.  So what, you had an affair 13 years ago, and ended up with identical twin sons, who you should be proud of instead of hiding them like a dirty secret, but does that justify how you just humiliated Junior out there?  Right now, I know that he is upstairs terrified because he believes he has just lost your love, and most importantly, lost your respect and approval of him.  So do not put him through this Jerry because he needs you to show him right now that you still love and accept him whether he is gay or not."  John told him sincerely and Jerry nodded in agreement.

            "Now go up there and prove to him that you are the good man that he has always believed you are.  Most of all, do not forget to tell him that he did the right thing by telling me about your sons either.  Now, tell me about your sons and their mother, and where they are at so that I can arrange to protect them."

            "I can do that John, while Jerry talks with Junior."  Jeanne said as she came up behind Jerry and touched his back caringly.  Jerry turned and faced her before embracing her.

            "I'm so sorry darling," Jerry told her softly.

            "Is it true that you knew all along?"

            "Of course it's true, you big lump."  Jeanne told him as she gently wiped his face, but then slapped him.

            "That is for my son, our son."  She told him as her eyes flashed with anger before changing to an expression of forgiveness.

            "To answer your question, a woman knows when her man is hiding something from her, so I followed you one day when you visited her.  I wanted to see the woman who you were in love with.  Then she got pregnant, and I overheard one of your calls telling her to get an abortion because the affair was over.  That is when I went to see her, and together we decided against the abortion.  She was worried that she was not ready to take care of twin babies, or be able to provide for them since you were not leaving me.  However, I just reassured her that we would work things out, and we did.  I knew that you would take care of her and the boys, and that is why I never really pressed you when you had that allotment started for her each month either."

            "I sorry Jeanne, and I'm sorry for hurting Junior, I will make up for this, I promise.  I never told you because I never wanted to hurt you or Junior.  When she decided to keep the babies, I thought if I sent money that everything would just go away."  Jerry told her.

            "It did hurt at first because I thought that I was doing something to drive you away until I met Shiloh.  She is a remarkable woman, and she is my friend.  How could she go away when she was carrying your twin sons Jerry?  You know, she still loves you even though you decided to stay with me.  That's why I went to see her, so we could decide together who you would be the most happy with."  Jeanne told him as Jerry sat down at the table.

            "Shiloh and I have become very good friends you know, and Sean forgives you for not being there, but Sky definitely holds that against you, Jerry.  The boys have always known Junior, the girls, and me too because we have made sure that they knew their brother and sisters.  They are really close to Junior, and they talk to each other almost every day.  However, John is right because you did screw everything up by trying to hide the fact that they are your sons."

            "Aye, that I will admit, love," Jerry said regretfully.

            "After they were born though, I couldn't stay away, and I have tried to see them as often as I could.  Sean goes out of his way to please me when we are together, but Sky does not.  The lad is incorrigible, always getting into trouble, and I think he does it just to shame me."

            "No, he doesn't Jerry.  Sky just wants the same thing that Junior has," she told him.

            "He just wants your love and acceptance of him, that's all.  He feels that we are ashamed of him and his brother because of how we kept it a big secret that they were your sons.  It is not just you who is to blame here because Shiloh and I are just as guilty as you are.  You will also be surprised with the fact that Sky usually takes the blame for everything that Sean does wrong too.  Everyone is quick to judge, and we all pay attention to Sean while ignoring Sky.  Even Chi does it to him because Sean's green eyes remind her of you, and that is why Sky takes the blame and gets into trouble so someone will pay attention to him for a change.  Do you know who saw this, and told me what we have all been doing wrong?  Junior saw it, and he sees how much we have been hurting his brother.  However, Junior also needs your love and acceptance from you right now, and I swear to God that if you ever say something like that to hurt him again, I will leave you and never let you see him or the twins again."

            "I have known that he was gay since he was 11, and I thought you knew also until you started shutting him out when he tried to talk to you about it.  That is why I suggested that he talk to John about it since you refused even to allow him to say the word gay in the house.  If he had not spoken with John, then I knew that he would have been in the mental lock down ward.  Now get your ass up there and pray to God that he will forgive you while I tell John what he needs to know in order to protect Chi and the boys."  She told him while pointing him towards the stairs and John could see her anger in her eyes again.  Jerry saw it also, so he just nodded and went up the stairs as a scolded child would.  When he got upstairs, he could make out the sounds of Junior's crying in Ari and Simon's bedroom.  He went over to the closed door and knocked softly.

            "Son, it's me...can I come in?"  Jerry asked, but he heard nothing from Junior.  Jerry then opened the door and saw Junior sitting on Simon's bed weeping.  He went over and sat down beside him.

            "I'm sorry Junior, I was wrong, and I didn't mean any of those things I said to you.  I wish I could take those words back, but I cannot, and I hope that you can forgive me one day for even saying them in the first place."  Jerry just embraced him as Junior cried more.

            "I'm sorry, Dad, I know that you are ashamed and disappointed in me because I am a queer.  I really tried to be a man like you wanted, but I cannot live like that.  Just don't hate me for it please."  Junior sobbed into his chest.

            "Nay son, I love you, and always will because you are my son, and nothing will ever change that fact.  I will never hate you for any reason, and I have only shamed myself by hurting you, and saying that you are not a man as I have always taught you to be.  You are a good young man, and I am the one who is shamed for not being a man because I would not do what was right as you did.  I made a mistake 13 years ago by trying to hide my affair, and I thought that if I hid the fact that Sean and Sky were my sons, that it would just go away.  I made the same mistake each time I ignored you when you have tried to talk to me about being gay, and the only shame is mine for being a cowardly dog trying to run away from my faults, and my duty as a father.  Instead, I have hurt you, your mother, Shiloh, and the boys.  I have hurt all of the people I love the most in this world, especially you and your brothers.  I'm sorry for that son; I love you and I always will."  Jerry told Junior soothingly as he cried with him.

            "No, I'm not a man, and I never will be because I'm gay.  You said it because it's true."

            "That isn't what makes a boy a man Junior, and you know that.  What makes a boy a man is by their actions just as I have always taught you son.  It is doing the right thing, honoring your word and commitments, and standing up for what you believe in.  You have done that son, and I am proud of the man that you have become.  Whomever you love is your business, whether they be a man or a woman, and I will respect and welcome them if he or she loves you the same as you love them, but in no way does being gay make you any less of a man.  Nor will it ever make me stop loving you and being proud that you are my son.  I only said those things to hide my own shame for being a hypocrite, and not being a man as I have always taught you to be.  I am sorry son, and I will never say it again because it is simply not true."

            "Really Dad, it doesn't matter to you that I'm gay?"

            "Not in the least son, I know that I have been ignoring you when you have tried to tell me, but I realized how wrong I have been when I met Simon and Ari.  Those boys are going to be fine young men one day, and they love each other the same as I love your mother.  So how can I accept them as good young men and not accept you the same way?"  Jerry told him before slipping back into his lilting brogue again.

            "Me be's a mule-headed ol' codger tha' needs ta be smacked in me craw now and agin ta get me attention, don ye know."

            "Thanks Dad, I love you."  Junior told him softly as he hugged him tightly.  Jerry dried his eyes with his handkerchief.

            "I love you too son," Jerry told him while returning his hug.

Thursday February 8, 1996 -- (10:15 AM)

            "I don't know why you are being so difficult Lucky, I'm just going to check the stitches and change the bandages.  I have examined and treated a lot of kids, and their butts all look the same to me.  So just roll over and let's get it over with."  Nurse Graves said with a hint of frustration in her voice as Lucky sat in the bed with the covers held tightly to his chest.

            "No...`cause I don't want you to that's why," he said while his face was bright red with embarrassment.

            "My Dad said that he is coming to visit today, he can do it then, and he said it isn't right for girls and boys to see each other undressed.  My Dad was going to be a doctor you know, before he became a priest.  So he knows what's right more than you do."

"So, she's a nurse Lucky, and that is almost the same thing as a doctor.  She is just trying to do her job, so it`s ok if she`s you with no clothes on."  Junior told him trying to reassure him, but he also saw how Seth was looking at Nurse Graves with an expression of pure hatred.

            "She's still a GIRL...so she's not the same, and she's a stranger.  Dad said that strangers are not allowed to see me undressed unless it's Dr. Todd cause he knows him."  He replied pointedly while his face continued to burn red as he held the covers tightly to his chin.

            "Anyway, Dr. Todd changed them yesterday and Dad said he was coming today, so I'll wait for Dad or Dr. Todd to do it.  I don't have any clothes on, and Dad said that he would bring me some today, so a STRANGE GIRL is not doing it!"  He said vehemently.  Just at that moment, Sara came in with the others and the boys all brightened up.

            "See, I told you he was coming, so now you can go away and Leave Me Alone!"  Lucky said petulantly to her before sticking out his small pink tongue at Nurse Graves and glaring at her.

            "What seems to be the problem sweetie?"  Sara asked him as she leaned over and kissed him noisily on his cheek making him blush and giggle.

            "I came in to check his incisions and to change the bandages, but he has been arguing with me now for almost 15 minutes about seeing him undressed because I'm a girl and because he doesn`t know me."  Nurse Graves said in a sarcastic and frustrated voice.

            "That's all right Nurse Graves, all boys his age are very modest about the opposite sex seeing them undressed, or people they don't know, but I'm here now so I will take care of it.  He doesn't mind me seeing him when he is undressed, so you can go now."  Sara told her sweetly.

            "Fine, but I can't see how you are any different Sara since you are a girl too."  She responded with her voice thick with sarcasm.  Sara just turned to her with a stony glare, but Lucky beat her before she could speak.

            "She's not some stupid girl like you, and she`s not a stranger!  She's our Mom who loves us, so that makes it ok to be nekkid with her."  He said angrily while his tears slid down his face.

            "Look, all you are doing is upsetting him.  I told you that I would take care of this, so you are dismissed.  Or do you have a problem with that order Nurse Graves?"  Sara asked her angrily as she crowded her backward until Nurse Graves was against the wall.

            "No, no problem.  I'm just not accustomed to little kids who lack proper respect and discipline for professional adults who are just doing their job is all."  She replied testily before storming out.  Then John was beside Sara, who was about to pursue her and give her a piece of her mind, but he quickly blocked her.

            "Next time, just promise that you will ignore me, and slap the taste out of her mouth."  He told her before she relaxed, and then he told Todd.

            "I want her, and anyone else we can identify who is not permanent staff members here sent back to the hospital, and no one except the staff here is allowed access to the boys from now on."  He said and Todd agreed with him before leaving with Dr. Cruz and Gary to do as John requested.

            "Hey boys, I hear that you all want to escape from your confinement here."  Tom said to them as he hugged Lucky and then Seth.

            "I just want to go home Dad," Lucky whined.

            "Dr. Todd said that I could yesterday, but then they brought me here instead."

            "I know son, but you were brought here so we could protect you along with your brothers.  We even have to stay here too because it is not safe for any of us.  However, Dr. Todd told us how much all of you miss us, and since we cannot go home then how about a compromise instead?  How would all of you guys like to come and stay at the cottage with us here at Bayside?"  Tom asked them; and Seth and Lucky both nodded their heads along with Ari and Simon.

            "Good, now let's get all of you guys dressed so we can go."  He told them but Lucky looked as if he were about to cry again.

            "I can't.  I don't got any clothes to wear Dad.  They cut off all my new clothes when I was hurt, so all I have is this thing, and that mean girl keeps trying to peek at my hiney."  Lucky told him sadly.

            "Oh honey, she's only doing that because it's such a cute hiney with all of those cute little freckles too.  Boys who have cute hineys with cute little freckles on them just drives us girls wild," Sara told him as she hugged and tickled him making him dissolve into giggles.  Then Tom sat a small gym bag on his bed and opened it.  Inside was a pair of sweat pants, a long sleeved Pokemon t-shirt, socks, underwear, undershirt, and a new pair of black high-top British Knight sneakers.  Lucky quickly shed the gown leaving him naked when he saw these things.

            "Kewl, finally some real clothes!"  He chirped as he sprang out of the bed, but his left leg buckled when his feet hit the floor, and he let out a yelp of pain.  He immediately put his hand over the bandage that covered most of his left buttock and hip too, then started to grab for the bed railing as he grimaced in pain.  Seth practically flew out of his bed, stumbled over to him, put his arm around Lucky's slender waist to help support him before he fell, and then Seth steadied him until the pain had begun to pass.  Lucky leaned against him with his eyes screwed shut from the pain for a few moments, and then he blew out a lungful of air as he opened his eyes before cautiously taking a few steps on his own.  However, Seth remained close even though he was only dressed in his loose white briefs as Lucky limped around a little and adjusted to the pain.

            "Your arm and legs are still hurting bad son?"  Tom asked him as he watched Lucky limp a few steps before stopping, and gingerly stretching his arm/shoulder.

            "Yeah Dad, everything still hurts, but it's a little better today though, and my leg doesn't feel as weak as it was on Tuesday."  Lucky told him with a grimace while Seth stayed within an arm's reach of him just in case his legs gave out as they did on Tuesday.

            Dr. Todd had told Lucky that he could get up and walk around as long as someone was with him, and if he felt up to it.  He had tried to get out of bed on Tuesday, but his legs gave out as he stood.  Even though Seth appeared a little uncoordinated and clumsy at times, he had reacted with lightning speed, and caught Lucky as he fell when his legs gave out.  Since then, he had been shadowing Lucky just in case his legs gave out again, and they had given out on several occasions.  It was also obvious to everyone that they shared the same kind of bond that Simon and Ari shared.  The only difference though was that while Seth appeared to be the dominate partner like Simon, it was Lucky who was the dominant partner between them just as Ari was with him and Simon.  Lucky made the decisions, and Seth did as he said, and it was the same way with Simon and Ari too.  After a couple of minutes of limping around in tiny steps, Lucky finally straightened up and took a small step towards his bed and the clothes that were lying on it.

            "Hold on there a second Flash, Sara still has to change your bandages before you can get dressed."  John told him with a chuckle, and then added.

            "I thought you said you were shy about girls seeing your freckles, but I must be wrong since you are standing here showing them off right now."  He said.  Seth and Lucky both frowned at him before Lucky put his hands on his skinny hips.

            He stood there facing John and the others as naked as the day he was born, but he was not embarrassed in any way.  At that moment, they could all see the signs of the CDP disorder that he had been diagnosed with by the Endocrinologist.  While the most visible symptoms were his small physical stature and underdeveloped testicles, there were other noticeable symptoms as well now that he was standing there naked.  He still had the slight chubbiness of baby fat in his face, on his lower belly around his pubic area, as well as a little chubbiness being visible in his chest and hip areas too.  While he was still very small and skinny, all of the different parts of his body appeared to belong on children of varying ages instead of a 10-year-old boy.  His face and torso belonged on a seven or eight year old, his testicles and pubic area around his penis belonged on a four to five year old.  His legs and arms were those of a ten-year-old boy as well as the fact that his legs were longer than his spine when they should be almost equal in length.  While his tiny pea sized testicles were abnormal, he had a normal sized penis for his age that just confirmed the Endocrinologist's diagnosis of Prader's Willie Syndrome, or PWS that many pre-pubertal boys with Congenital Delayed Puberty disorders, or CDP.

            "It's ok with you all though `cause you love us, so that makes it all right `cause we know you care and won't hurt us.  You guys won't touch me there if I don't want you to...you won't hurt me...hurt my hiney...like they did..." his voice trailed off to a whisper while his eyes went blank and filled with tears.  Simon recognized what was happening even though he was still blind.

            "Seth, he is remembering again."  He said.

            "I know." Seth answered quietly before moving over next to Lucky and embracing him tenderly.

            "It's ok Lucky, we are safe here.  Dad, Uncle Jerry, and Uncle John will protect us so no one can hurt us like that again."  He said softly in his warbling voice.  Lucky let out a soft sob as Seth hugged him, and then he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffled.

"I know," Lucky said tearfully as his tears spilled down his small cherubic face.

"It just hurts to remember.  They won't hurt us like Jake and Charlie did or Mr. Robinson too.  They all hurt us when they took off our clothes, but they won't `cause they look at us different when we don't have any clothes on.  You can see that they won't hurt us cause of how they look at us."  Lucky said softly in his high-pitched musical voice as he rested his head on Seth's shoulder.  Seth just nodded as he stood their embracing Lucky, and then he noticed the others watching them.

"Mr. Robinson likes blond boys, but I guess I was a too old for him.  He said I was too big down there, and he didn't like boys when they grow up like me so he let Jake and Charlie do the sex stuff to me while he took the pictures.  Mr. Robinson did those sex things to me a couple of times, but he always liked Lucky more for that cause he's still little.  He would not let Charlie or Jake do anything with him, and that made them mad.  They did it anyway when Mr. Robinson was gone to help Simon.  I tried to stop them, but they had put something in our Kool-Aid, and it made us real sleepy so we couldn`t resist much.  They took off our clothes, then tied us up, and did those things Mr. Robinson wouldn't let them do because we couldn't resist.  It didn't hurt me as much cause of what Mr. Robinson had done before, but they really hurt Lucky cause it was his first time.  That's why they drugged us cause they knew I would try to stop them, and they were afraid of me cause I was like Simon.  When Mr. Robinson came home, he was pissed, and he hurt their thingies so they couldn't do sex stuff anymore till their thingies healed.  After that, he put Lucky in the bad place, then me so we wouldn`t tell."  Seth explained softly as his own tears slipped down his face.

His revelation answered John's question as to why Lucky and Seth had been put through the process the first time.  John and Tom came over to them, and John just smiled as he knelt down in front of Lucky, and opened his arms while Tom did the same with Seth.  Lucky limped over into his arms with no embarrassment at all to the fact that he was naked.  John just hugged him tenderly after picking him up gently, and then kissing him on his nose with moist eyes.  Tom picked up and kissed Seth before whispering something into his ear.  Seth lifted his head and looked at him for a long moment, and then he smiled before hugging Tom tightly.

            "Oh Lord, I don't know how any of us has survived this long without you boys.  All of you little guys are so special, and we love each of you more every day."  John said to all of them as he held Lucky in his arms while Tom did the same with Seth, and Lucky quickly buried his face into John's chest and whimpered.

"We know Uncle John, and we love all of you more each day too," Junior said quietly as Jerry put his arm around him and hugged him.

"We know it hurts Seth, but do you know why they put Lucky back into the bad place after he was sent back to live there?"  John asked them as Lucky continued to whimper into John's chest, but he saw the concerned look of alarm on Seth's face before he nodded slowly to him.  However, now was not the time or place to discuss this, and Tom eased them out of the situation without alerting Lucky because they could all see that Seth was not about to answer with him present.

            "It's all right Seth," Tom said aloud while holding up a finger to his lips for a moment as Seth looked at him, and then Tom looked over at Lucky in John's arms.  Seth understood immediately and offered a small smile to him.

            "Today is going to be a good day, and we can talk about these things that still hurt later with Dr. Cruz," Tom told him, and Seth agreed loud enough for Lucky to hear him as John carried him over to the bed, and gently sat him on it.

            "You ok now son?"  John asked him as he kissed him on his forehead, nose, and both eyes.

            "I'm sorry honey; I should have waited until your therapy session with Dr. Cruz instead of asking you about these things that still hurt so much, but sometimes even us grownups make mistakes.  Will you forgive me, or do I need to tickle you until you wet yourself first?"  He asked, and Lucky squeaked out a little `eek.'

            "I forgive you, so no tickling cause I'll burst.  That mean ol' nurse was here, so I couldn't get out of bed to go `cause she wouldn't leave."  Lucky said as he wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands.  John stood him up and steadied him, then sent him into the bathroom to take care of business.  Ari said he had to go too, and helped steady him as they went into the bathroom and closed the door.  Once they had finished and washed their hands, Ari steadied him as Lucky limped gingerly back to his bed.

            "Seth, it's over now son, she cannot hurt you again.  I will not let her hurt you anymore, I promise, but you have to let her go so I can help."  John said soothingly to him as he took two small steps closer to him with his hands out in front of him.

            "Please son, let me help you."

            "Help me?  You can't help me; nobody can help me because she is here, alive.  He sent her away, but she is always with me in here.  I can't get away from her because she is still hurting me."  He said as he touched his head with his hand by releasing her hair for a moment as his young face and voice was filled with his agony and pain.  Then he grabbed her hair again and pulled harder as he screamed out his pain with an agonizing sob while Nurse Graves cried out in pain also.

            "I did everything they told me to do.  I was good, I never resisted, or caused trouble, and I learned everything they taught me until I was as good as they were.  They all told me how good I was and that I would be rewarded for being so good, but then they would send me to her and she would hurt me.  She tied me to a chair naked, and laughed as I screamed until I could not scream anymore while she burned me with a cigarette on the inside of my leg next to my nuts.  They promised me a reward, so she made me swallow a tablespoon of ammonia, and then giggled like crazy as my hands and feet beat on the floor because I could not breathe until I blacked out.  Then she made me breathe and I woke up coughing up blood because the ammonia had burned my mouth and throat so bad.  They had to put a tube into my throat for almost a month just so I could breathe because my tongue and throat swelled so much.  No matter what they said to her, no matter how many times they warned her to stop, she never stopped because she liked hurting me.  She liked it, and nobody tried to stop her except him.  Even though they all told her not to hurt me, she still did it because she said was that it amused her, so they let her do it.  Then they put me inside the machine, and she hurt me even worse than before.  For the next three months I felt nothing but pain, I heard nothing but my own screams, and I tasted nothing but my own blood as I bit my lips so hard that they bled.  Nobody stopped her, and I prayed that I could just die so all the hurting would end.  Then he came and made her go away, but she still hurts me every time I sleep because I can't forget."  Seth cried as he tightened his hold on her.

"I was just 8-years-old, and ever since you left, all I have thought about is how I was going to make you hurt just like you hurt me.  I thought of killing you hundreds of times, and each time is worse and more painful than the one before.  I thought of how I would kill you so that the pain inside me would stop, but I know that it's never going to stop, and you will keep on hurting me until I die."  Seth said mournfully before putting his face next to hers.

"Why?  Why did you hurt me so much?  You were supposed to help me, and take care of me.  Instead, you turned into everything I was afraid of, only you were worse.  Everything that has happened to me since he sent you away has hurt me, but nothing anyone did to me has hurt as much as what you did to me.  You see what you have done to me; you see how bad you hurt me so that nothing anyone else can do to me now hurts as much as what you did to me.  Now, all I want to do is to just die so I will stop hurting inside, but I am going to kill you first."

            "No Seth, that is not true, she cannot hurt you ever again.  The pain will stop, and the nightmares will go away.  They already are beginning to go away, and the hurt inside you will end if you let us help you.  You were all alone when she hurt you, but you are not alone anymore.  We all love you, and we need you, just as you need and love us.  That is the key son, is to love each other, and to let those who love you be strong when you cannot be.  You are lost and you are stuck inside that black hell in your nightmare, but now you have the key to escape.  The key is to use our love, our strength, and to trust in us that we will lead you out of the nightmare.  Use our love Seth, let us be brave and strong for you so you can escape this nightmare.  Use the key we are giving you to come home with us, and together we will stop the pain inside you Seth."  John told him calmly with all of his love and caring in his voice as he stepped closer to him.

            "No, you don't love me.  Everybody who loves me is dead now, and I'm here alone.  You are just saying that because you will just leave me alone again, just like he did.  Then someone else like her will come to hurt me even more, just like Mr. Robinson did." he said softly, but his shoulders relaxed until just a little tension were left in them.

            "They had Pop put me into the bad place and it was like the machine.  It was a black hell just like the machine at the other place except I could move around and feel the walls in there.  Someone would come with food and water at first, but then Mr. Robinson came one day, and he put 10 jugs of water in the room with some food before he left.  He even left the lights on, and nobody else came back after that last time.  I think the food lasted for almost a week, and I was so hungry that I even ate the bread that had turned green.   It made me sick, but I didn't mind cause at least I had light instead of the dark.  I do not know how long it was after that when the water ran out, but I was too weak to even care anymore when it was gone because I got my wish.  I was dying, and I knew it because the hurting inside me stopped, and then the lights went out.  I was glad I was dying because there was no more pain and the dark was now my escape, but then he came back again and found me.  He brought me back, and he brought back all the pain too.  Everything hurt so much, and I was too weak to even to raise my hands to stop the light from hurting my eyes."

            "I was so mad at him because he made the pain inside me come back.  Then he made me sleep and left me alone again as he always does.  When I woke up, I was at the hospital, but she was there too, and all of the hurt that she caused had come back.  You see, it is always the same with him, he comes and helps me get better, and then he leaves me so that I am alone.  Then someone like her or Mr. Robinson comes and makes me hurt even more inside, then he comes back for a little while, and makes the bad people go away, but then he leaves me alone again.  If he wouldn't leave me, then maybe the pain would go away, but everyone always leave me, and I'm all alone again with just the pain."

            "I know Seth, I know who he is, and I know why he always leaves too.  He always comes back to you, and he makes everybody who is hurting you go away so you can get better.  However, he has to leave you again even though he wants to stay with you all of the time, but he cannot.  He does not leave to hurt you, but to protect you instead because if he stayed, then others would come to kill you because they know it would hurt him.  That's why he leaves you alone so he can go lead the bad people away from you, but sometimes some of the bad people still find you Seth even though he is trying his best to protect you by leading most of them away."  John told, and Seth looked up at him, but then his ice-blue eyes flashed with anger.

            "I'm not Seth...I never was Seth.  The people she was with made me be Seth Jordan, but he said he made me forget before they sent me to that place.  I don't remember who I am, but if I am Seth, then all I want to do is to die so the hurt inside me will stop.  Ever since they made me into Seth, everybody hurts me, or leaves me, so that I am alone again with just the pain inside me."  He told John as his pain was heard in his voice while his tears flowed down his face.

            "You are right because everybody always hurts and leaves Seth, but you are not Seth.  You are just like Simon was when Pop made him be Devon.  Pop made him become Devon, and he kept hurting him so that he would forget that he was Simon, but now that he remembers he is Simon, the hurt inside him is going away because he knows that we will never go away as long as we breathe.  You don't want to be Seth because everyone hurts him, and then leaves him all alone with just the pain inside, but you don't have to hurt or be alone anymore because you are not Seth.  I won't ever leave you, and neither will Simon or Ari because you are not Seth, your real name is Sasha, and you are our brother." Lucky said to him as he stepped out from behind John, and Seth looked up at him with surprise.

            "I promise that I will never leave you, and you will never be alone again, because I love you Sasha.  We all love you because you are our brother, and Uncle John is right because we all need you too.  It won't be easy, but the pain will go away because we will make it go away Sasha.  However, if you kill her, then the pain inside you will never go away because that was what they want Seth to do is to kill, and by killing her, then you will become Seth forever.  So let Uncle John and Uncle Jerry punish her.  You, Ari, Simon, and me are brothers now because we have all been in that bad black place, and we have had bad people hurt us so much inside.  It's different now because we love each other, and as long as we stay together, then nobody can hurt us anymore.  We are stronger than they are when we are together Sasha, and nobody can hurt us anymore.  That's why all these bad people are trying so hard to break us up now because they know that.  They know that we are stronger than they could ever be when we are together, and that they cannot hurt us anymore because we are so strong together."

            "Y...y...you kn...know my n...na...name?"  Sasha managed to stutter out in surprise as his head snapped up to stare at him, and Lucky just nodded.  Sasha wasn't even aware that his warbling voice had changed back into his natural Eastern European accent when he spoke.  Then his tear streaked face became lost and confused as he relaxed his arms, and let Nurse Graves slump to the floor.

            "What am I supposed to do now Lucky?  He told me that I would know what to do when someone said my real name because I would remember, but I don't know what to do.  I can't remember anything before they made me become Seth.  Please, someone just tell me what I'm supposed to do now."  He said in a heart-wrenching whisper while his face showed them how lost and confused he was.

            "You let her go, and come to me Sasha.  You let our parents deal with her cause that is their job now, not ours, so that is what you do now.  Just come here to Ari, to Simon, and to me, then our parents will make everything be ok.  Come to me Sasha, and promise never to leave me because I promise I will never leave you ever.  Then together all of us will make the hurt inside of each of us go away."  Lucky said while his own tears slid down his face as Ari guided Simon's chair up beside Lucky.  Then Lucky and Ari both embraced Simon before each of them extended an arm towards Sasha and waited.  Sasha just nodded his head a little as he stood there looking so lost for a long moment as he looked at his trembling hands, then at Nurse Graves before he stepped away from her.  Then he stumbled into their waiting arms before sinking to his knees, and all four of them began weeping.  John moved quickly, and he cuffed Miss Graves as Todd came over to check her injuries.  Tom, Sara, Jeanne, and Junior all rushed over to the boys as they all hugged Sasha and softly cried together.

            "How did you know my name?" Sasha asked them finally as Tom picked him up into his arms once Todd had Nurse Peters take Miss Graves away.

            "Lucky told us because he found your picture in an old newspaper.  That is how he got hurt because he was in the library at school working on a report when he found your picture.  It was a picture of you with your family when you were only four, and he stayed longer than he should have looking for more news articles about you.  If he had not found your picture, then he would have been inside the car when the bomb went off."  Junior told him as he held Lucky in his arms while his Mom had Ari, and Sara had Simon.

            "Do you remember when you were Sasha?"  Tom asked him and Sasha shook his head no.  "Well, do you remember when you became Seth Jordan?"  This time Sasha nodded his head and said.

            "When they found me on the street was when I became Seth Jordan.  He said he was sorry `cause he had to hit me hard enough so that I blacked out.  He said that he had told me before he hit me that when I woke up that I would be Seth Jordan, and I would know what to do when someone told me my real name, but I can't remember anything before I woke up except that I was supposed to be Seth Jordan."  Sasha told him tearfully.

            "I still can't remember anything, but I knew as soon as Lucky said it that Sasha is my real name.  Why can't I remember like he said I would?  What did I do that was so bad that I can't remember who I am anymore?"

            "You didn't do anything at all Sasha, and when some people hit their heads hard enough, it causes them to forget everything they knew before.  It is called amnesia, but it will be all right Sasha, and don't worry about it because we will make everything right for all of you guys.  Lucky said it right, because it is our jobs to take care of important things like this because we are your parents.  There are many things that each of you cannot remember, but you have your whole lives to remember those things if you want to remember, or all of you can just make some new happy memories together from now on."  John told him and the others agreed.

            "All of you go on to the cottage, and Jerry and I will join you after we deal with her.  Dr. Cruz is on his way back also, so you should expect him Tom.  Chief Smith has been notified, and Gary is securing the entire complex here while Juan is checking everyone's background so that you all will be safe."

            "So what am I supposed to do now?"  Sasha asked him in his true voice including his European accent.  John could not imagine what Sasha had gone through once he woke up without a clue to who he was.  Somehow, Sasha had lost all of his memory except his memory for what Jonas had told him after he put him on the street to be found by Mrs. Murdock.  There was never a need to keep his real identity a secret because Sasha had no memory after Jonas had hit him that day as he had told John about it.  John realized that Jonas did not know that Sasha really did have amnesia, and that he was not pretending, or was made to forget.  So he could have never told the truth since as far as he knew, he was Seth Jordan.  However, John was thinking that Sasha might be able to regain some of his lost memory because he was reverting to his natural Eastern European accent.  Then Sasha pleaded to all of them tearfully as he began to tremble with fear.

            "Please, you promised to not leave me alone again like he did?  I don't care if I am in trouble for what I did, but don't leave me all alone again.  I don't want to be all alone anymore; please, I need Lucky...I need all of you."

            "We know son, we need you just as much as you need us, and we will never let you be alone again.  I promise that you will never be alone again, we all promise.  As for her; you will not be in trouble because you did not do anything wrong.  She is in trouble for hurting you, for trying to hurt your brothers too, and we punish bad people like her.  You are a good boy Sasha, and we do not punish good boys like you and your brothers."  Tom told him as he held him in his arms.

            "All of you keep calling me son and brother, why?  Am I related to any of you?  If I'm not, then why do you say it as if it were true?"  Sasha asked him in confusion as he looked at John, Jerry, and then Tom.

            "Because you are our son, and they are your brothers, and we all love you Sasha.  We all are your parents, and the four of you are brothers including Junior too because he is your older brother.  It does not matter if you are not our biological child because that is not required for you to be our son or for all of you to be brothers.  Lucky is not my biological child, but he is still my son, and your brother also.  I have already asked the court to be your guardian, but if you want me to, I can ask them to make you my son and Lucky's brother for real if you want that."  Tom said to him as he gently wiped his eyes and nose with his handkerchief.

            "You will?  Please, I will do anything if it means that you will be my Dad, and Lucky will be my brother for real."  He said while his hope showed on his face as his ice-blue eyes lit up.

"Well, I guess all of you boys had better get used to the fact that all of you now have three Dads, two Moms, and an older brother from now on.  We are all one big family from now on, and all of us love you Sasha.  Lucky and I are proud that you want to be a part of our family, and I am so happy to be your Dad.  You and Lucky have given me not just your love, but have restored my faith and hope of the goodness here in this world.  I promise that I will do my best to be here whenever you two need me.  As soon as John says that it is safe, then we will go see Judge Orndorf and make it official as soon as possible."  Tom explained to him with moist eyes, and Sasha and Lucky reached back and embraced each other with a cry of joy.  After some soothing from Ari and Simon though, they were both able to calm down and look around at all of them after wiping their eyes and smiling.  Then John motioned for Tom to pass Sasha over to him.  Once he was holding Sasha, John just kissed him again on his forehead while Sasha looked at him warily.

"Do you remember what your real name is other than Sasha?"  John asked him, and once again, Sasha shook his head no while John could see his confusion, and how lost he was by looking into Sasha's ice blue eyes.  He could see that there was the tiniest sliver missing from the iris of Sasha's right eye, and he recognized it to be the same as the person he first noticed that had it also.  Then John gambled that his hunch from the other night was correct and asked him.  "Is your name Sasha Cimkovich because you are speaking with an accent now?"  Sasha still looked confused and lost, and he shook his head no confirming John's hunch.

"I don't know...I cannot remember.  I just know that he said that Seth didn't talk like me, and that I couldn't talk like this cause I was Seth now."  He said softly as he looked down at John's chest.

"Your real name is Sasha, but Lucky was wrong because your true name is not Sasha Cimkovich as it said in the news article he found.  Your true name is Sasha Levi Lepano."  Sasha gasped when he heard his true name this time, and even though he still did not know why, he knew this was his true name, and he nodded yes even though the memories of his life before he became Seth Jordan continued to elude him.

"Now do you remember what you are supposed to do?"  John asked him, and Sasha shook his head no again with a blank expression on his face because he could not remember anything before he became Seth Jordan.

Thursday February 8, 1996 -- (11:30 AM)

            In a windowless conference room, John came in with Jerry and sat down across from Nurse Graves.  Todd had set her broken nose, and had her cleaned up before putting her in the room to wait for John.  He came in and released her from the handcuffs that secured her to the chair before sitting down.  She glared warily at him while she rubbed her wrists, and then felt her bandaged nose.

            "What do you want with me?"  She asked him with a distrusting look on her face.

            "Nothing, you are free to leave at any time, and will be escorted off the property.  I do have some questions, but you do not have to answer them if you do not want to."  He told her.

            "Go ahead; ask away because I am here for myself, and not because I am working for someone else.  I'll answer your questions honestly, but can you ask that doctor friend of yours to give me a Percocet."  She said as she gently touched her face.  "Jesus, Seth fractured my eye socket as well as breaking my nose.  Now my headache has got a headache.  Oh well, I deserve it I guess, and to be honest I was expecting it to be much worse when he remembered everything."  She said to Jerry as John opened the door, and asked Nurse Peters to bring the medication she requested before sitting down again.  After a couple of minutes, there was a knock on the door, and Nurse Peters came in and handed Nurse Graves a small paper cup with a pill in it and a cup full of water which she took immediately, she also handed her a prescription bottle filled with pills.

            "Do you mind if I stay Lt. Roberts?  I believe I have information that will assist you."  Nurse Peters asked him, and after a quick glance at Jerry, John nodded and motioned her to the empty seat next to Nurse Graves.

            "First, I would like to know who you are working for, and why.  I also want to know what your orders are regarding my sons, Lucky, and Seth too.  However, if you are going to lie and bullshit us, then you should just leave."  He told them both.

            "I won't lie to you; I used to work for Richard Armitage as an undercover operative with the CIA."  Nurse Graves admitted to him.  "However, I think you already know that John.  I can call you John, can't I?"

            "Yes you can, and what should I call you, or do you prefer Miss Graves?"  He asked her.

            "Oh please, Betsy Parker is my real name, and to answer your question why, I was initially sent here to protect your sons Simon and Ari from a man named Merle Foxworth.  At least until they became useful to Richard Armitage, my boss, then my orders may change as he decides."  She told them.

            "That isn't exactly the complete truth Betsy, because Mr. Armitage wants Ari and Simon just as much as Mr. Foxworth does."  Nurse Peters told her.

            "Yes and no, yes...he does want them, but Richard still has a little of his soul intact, and he would prefer to get the boys cooperation willingly without threats or violence by making some kind of agreement so that everyone gets something they want.  Also no, because if that fails and Richard wants something then he will do everything, no matter how unscrupulous it is, to get it.  However, I stopped working for Richard when you brought Seth to the hospital on Christmas, and I am doing this now because I owe it to Jonas, and to Seth."  She told them all, and then she looked over at Nurse Peters.

            "So who are you really, because you are not Tina Peters like you told me?"

"My name is Maria Santos Rojas, and I am Ari's aunt.  My father sent me to insure his safety because of the deadly cross and double-cross game Mr. Armitage and Mr. Foxworth are playing with each other.  Mr. Armitage used Ari's life against my father years ago, and it was agreed that Ari would be well cared for when my father stepped aside.  We discovered that Mr. Armitage never kept his part of the agreement when we learned of Ari at Christmas, and of the abuse and the constant threat of death he has had to endure since he was orphaned.  My father also wanted me to extend his gratitude to you and your wife Lt. Roberts for everything you have done for his grandson, and he will not interfere in any way with your adoption of Ari.  He is now your son, but he does hope that you will allow Ari to get to know him along with the rest of our family.  You and your family will always be welcome in his house."  Nurse Peters told him, and John thanked her.  Then she handed him an envelope to him and said.

"This will verify my identity and why I am here."

            "I will take your word for now," he told her, and then he looked at Graves again.

            "Did you know who Seth was Betsy?  I mean did you remember him or know who his real father was?"  John asked her candidly.

            "No, I didn't realize who he was until a week or so after Christmas when his hair first started to change color.  Look, I know it is not an excuse for the things I did to him, but I really am a different person now, and if I can, I would like a chance to tell him that I am sorry for what I did back then.  I was really fucked up back in '93 because I had just been recently recruited and trained by Richard.  I did all of those things to Seth at the time and more because I was hooked on crystal meth and heroin.  Richard recruited me as he does all of his operatives because I was in trouble.  I was just a 16 yr-old addict with a $1000 a day habit and I got involved in a robbery-gone bad and killed a man.  I was convicted and facing life without parole when Richard recruited me.  He had me trained, while also keeping me supplied with drugs throughout my training.  I guess that he figured it would keep me loyal to him since he was my hookup, but all he did was to fuck me up even more."

            "After I was trained, I was given the task of taking care of Seth while he was trained and programmed.  It was my first assignment, but then Jonas showed up one day, and got me away from there into drug detox and rehab.  I know I did some really fucked up things to Seth because I had this black hole inside me from all of the drugs, and all I wanted to do was to hurt anyone and everyone so they would hurt inside as much as I hurt.  After I was sent away from that place to rehab, I got off all the drugs, and I even made peace with the demons that haunted me.  I am a better person now, and I have been clean for almost three years now.  However, I could never forget Seth, or the things I had done to him, and I was planning to find him after this op, but you saved me the trouble when you brought him to the hospital.  I wanted to find him to make things right, and because I owed it to Jonas for saving me from myself.  That's why I quit this op when I realized who Seth was, and I was hoping that I could make things right once I came here to Bayside, so that he could have some peace because I could see that he was still torn to pieces inside just as I used to be before Jonas saved me."  She told them honestly.

            "When did you find out that Seth was Jonas's son?"  John asked her.

"When he showed up that day and discovered what I had been doing to Seth.  He was so angry with me, but he saw that I had only done those things because my own soul was so torn and tattered.  He should have killed me that day, and I was praying that he would kill me, but he took me away and got me into rehab instead.  He saved me from killing myself by helping me heal inside, and I owe him because of that.  I was just one fucked up kid, and he was the only person in my whole fucked up life who cared enough even to try to help me.  He never came out and told me that Seth was his son, but I figured it out for myself when I looked into his eyes.  Seth has his eyes, including the tiny piece missing from his right iris.  That type of defect is genetic, and there is only a one in 100 trillion chance that two people not related will have that same defect in the exact same location as well as the exact same eye color too."  She explained to them.

"However, when I spoke to Seth at the hospital a few days after you rescued him, it took all his strength and willpower just to sit up, let alone for him to cut my throat, but by God he was going to try even if it killed him.  I finally made a compromise with him; I promised him that I would not be alone with him when I was treating him, and that I would not resist whatever he did to me if I ever broke my promise.  Up until this morning, I have never been alone with him, but I guess I pushed him too hard by ordering him to go back to his room.  He still did not trust me, but he was too weak before today to do anything about it.  As he grew stronger though, I knew that he would eventually take matters into his hands and react because he resisted me more each day, and as I said, I was not going to stop him when he did.  I could have easily stopped him today, but that would have only made him distrust me even more, and it certainly would not help him in any way to heal."

"It was not long after you rescued him that I knew that whatever Richard had planned for him would fail.  Richard is planning to use him as a pawn to rid himself of the hold Merle has on him, but if Seth has never forgotten me, or what I did to him, then he will not obey his directives so Richard will kill him, and I cannot allow him to do that to Jonas's son.  I told Richard that I was out of the game the week after you brought Seth to the hospital, and I asked Jonas to give you a dummy letter so I could come here with Seth when you moved him.  I hoped that by staying with him that I could help him somehow and protect him when Richard put a burn notice on him.  At the very least, I just wanted to prove to him that I am truly sorry for what I did to him back in `93.  You will find that none of the other staff members from the hospital is involved with Richard or Merle, so the boys are safe here until one of them sends a team in to get your sons.  However, I will try to stop them when they do come."  She told him before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one.

"I'm sorry about today, and I don't blame Seth at all for what he did because I really am a bitch.  I guess some things never do change no matter what we do."

            "All right, I will take your word for now, and I will allow you to stay here at Bayside if you want to.  However, you cannot have any contact with Seth without Jerry, me, or Tom being present understood?"  John told her, and she agreed.  "I am not doing this for your safety, but for his emotional stability and sanity.  Seth really does have amnesia, and other than his nightmares of you, he cannot remember anything of his past before he was made into Seth Jordan.  That is why I do not want you around him unless one of us are present because you could accidentally trigger memories that he is unable to cope with and cause him to have a complete emotional and mental breakdown."  John told her, and then he looked at Maria and said.

            "I don't know if I can trust her yet, so I will leave it up to you to make sure she behaves if she stays.  If she does anything to contradict what she has just told us, kill her."

            "If she is playing us for fools, then she will die.  In that envelope are the names of my team members here to protect your sons, and we will assure her honesty, or kill her when she tries to betray you.  I assure you that Seth, Lucky, and your sons will be safe while they are here."  Maria told him, and John nodded and extended his hand to her after standing up.  Maria gladly shook it, and watched them leave.  Then she looked at Betsy and said.

            "I believe you have patients to care for, but remember that you are being watched 24/7."  Then she left Nurse Graves to report to her father what had transpired.

End of Chapter 4

Please send all comments to snwdemon@yahoo.com, or to storyreply@toast2.net.  All responses will be read, and I will try to answer as many as possible.  Thanks to everyone who has commented on this story so far.  God Bless, my friends.