Date: Mon, 7 Oct 2013 14:40:08 -0400 From: Eff Del Subject: Young-But Daily Growing-Part 13 Young, But Daily Growing-Part 13 By Eff Del We are often advised to follow our instincts when faced with a difficult decision. This is not always the best choice of action because our instincts are not necessarily founded upon wisdom or even experience. Sometimes, we must examine our heart and weigh what we find there against our best thinking: often settling upon a middle ground between the two and utilizing that as our compass. When uncertain, the best course of action is to face the direction we have selected and proceed to walk forward. In this way, right or wrong, we are certain to reach our chosen destination. I surprised myself by not pouring another drink after the Professor had left me with my thoughts. Instead I went directly upstairs. He had obviously fallen asleep while reading, his beautiful body stretched out on the bed. He was wearing grey boxer briefs (apparently he'd chosen not to get completely undressed, just comfortable). His fine young legs were slightly splayed, one arm extended at his side while the other lay across his stomach. Beside him, his book rested where it had fallen from his hand as sleep had overtaken him. His mouth was slightly open and the sound of soft breathing came gently past his full red lips. His silky black hair spilled in unruly fashion upon the pillow. His young beauty was almost too much for me to bear. Moving quietly so as not to wake him, I slipped into the bathroom and washed my tear streaked face. Silently, I slipped out of my clothes and crept back into the bedroom. Lowering the lights to "almost dark", I carefully moved his book to the bedside table. Fetching a light blanket from the cedar chest at the foot of the bed, I placed it over his sleeping form. I slipped under the same cover and lay next to him. He didn't move at all, while I lay tortured by the prodigious conflicts in my mind. Dr. Swaim's words all rang true. He was seldom wrong about things of any importance and in my heart I felt he was right about this. He wasn't wrong about Sean and he wasn't wrong about me. The problem was reconciling these things with what I felt about myself. They were so diametrically opposed that I felt there could be no happy solution. I was sick in my heart and anguished in my soul and I saw no resolution other than to follow my instinct and fight my monster on my own terms. Sleep took me by surprise and sometime during the night, he rolled in close to me and threw a leg and an arm across my body. It was our first quiet morning. We didn't laugh and even our smiles seemed forced and insincere. We talked very little and what we did say was inconsequential. He knew that I was leaving. I knew WHY I was leaving. Neither of us was happy. To my surprise, the Professor was seated at our table when we came down to breakfast. He sipped his coffee and we exchanged rather somber greetings. Sean was subdued as well. Even his morning hugs for Martha lacked their usual enthusiasm. Gazing over the rim of his coffee cup, Dr. Swaim spoke directly to me; "I thought I'd join you this morning to see if any of your plans had changed." I didn't look at him pretending instead to concentrate on spearing a piece for French toast with my fork. "No...no nothing's changed. I've got a business appointment set for this afternoon. My ...business will keep me occupied until Friday." I wanted desperately to lighten up the atmosphere. I turned to Sean and said; "I expect that by the time I get back, you'll have become quite the fisherman." He looked at me blankly and nodded his head. He returned his attention to his breakfast plate not saying a word. "Have no fear of that. I expect great feats of angling from this young man. I suspect there will be fabulous yarns to be told of his prowess." Dr. Swaim was suddenly my ally in attempting to ease the tension for Sean. "Since I'm here, I'll help Sean pack up some things for the next couple of days and we can head out to Fish Camp together. This way you can have John take you right to the airport." I wasn't even planning on bringing an overnight bag with me since I kept a complete wardrobe at the apartment in the city so there was no reason not to take advantage of his offer. "What you are about to do, do quickly." He said looking at me pointedly. He was quoting Jesus' words to Judas from the gospel of John. The implication was not lost on me. Sean didn't know what was actually going on. He just knew I was leaving and I think he suspected that it was more than just a business meeting. He sensed instinctively that something was not right. He was very unhappy about it. I got down on my knee so that I could look at him face to face and kissed his little cheeks as I hugged him. He had thrown his arms around me and he pulled me tightly acting as if he'd never let go. Finally, he broke the embrace and managed to smile at me and bravely attempted to sound cheerful;. "Have a great trip Eric. I'll see ya when you get back OK?" "OK little man." I gave him a shitty phony smile and headed for the door. Walter was on top of things as usual, he had John waiting with the limo. The flight took off early and landed early; one of the many perks of having a private jet. By two o'clock I was in the penthouse finishing up a late lunch and preparing myself for... what I had planned. I decided that I had time for a short nap and because it was such a mild day for late January, I poured myself a drink, grabbed a light blanket and stretched out on a lounge chair out on the balcony. I nodded off quickly and must have slept deeply because I awoke to the sound of the telephone. As I sat up, I noticed that the sun was low on the horizon and the air had become considerably chillier. The phone call was from security informing me that I had two visitors waiting down in the lobby. I glanced quickly at my Rolex and noted it was shortly after 5PM. They were right on time, but then, I would have expected nothing less. I issued instructions that they be sent right up. I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror and on impulse; I ran a brush through my hair. I was dressed casually but my clothes were expensive and well made. Despite my nap, I wasn't rumpled or in any way less than presentable. I had a silent chuckle as I wondered why that should matter to me considering my intentions. The door chime indicated they had arrived. The man in the dark grey suit introduced himself as Martin Longstreet, an Academy Agent. I knew of course that unless special arrangements had been made, (such as when I'd picked up Sean personally) Nest boys sent out on contract were delivered and picked up by representatives of the NEST. I shook his hand civilly and invited them into the room. The boy he was escorting was lovely. "He's much better looking than his photos." I thought as I gave him a quick once over. He stood about five feet seven inches and though it was hard to tell I guessed that he weighed around 120 pounds which was in line with the statistics the web site had listed for him. He was wearing black tight fitting jeans and a white fisherman knit crew neck sweater. His straight red hair was cut fashionably short and fell just off the ears. His eyes were such a startling green that they almost seemed unreal-as if he were wearing colored contact lenses. They sparkled with a keen intelligence shining from behind them. When he smiled, his nose crinkled up cutely and the small galaxy of light brown freckles on his cheeks accented his pale complexion-so typical in red haired people. "Mr. Tucker, this is Jack. He is here as you've requested and I have every confidence that you will find him to be a good and entertaining companion." So saying, the man from the NEST gently nudged the boy in my direction. The young fellow extended his hand which I accepted and shook far more formally than I'd intended. "Hello Jack." I looked down at him. "Hello Mr. Tucker. It's very nice to meet you." "I wonder about that..." I thought privately. Although I had done this a good number of times before, I had never contracted for a boy this young. I also startled myself when I realized that I'd never done this sober either. I felt a bit awkward –uncertain as to how to proceed. Mr. Longstreet produced a pre-printed form and handed it to me along with a pen. "If you'll just sign here acknowledging my safe and satisfactory delivery of the boy, I'll leave you two to...enjoy each other's company." I didn't care for the tone in his voice nor did I much like the implication hidden behind the actual words he spoke. I signed his form, he presented me with my copy and I escorted him to the door. I shook my head and thought "Here I am planning on plowing this little boy's ass and I've got the audacity to be miffed over that guy's attitude. Could I possibly be a bigger asshole?" I turned from the door to face the young man who was still standing in the middle of the room quite obviously awaiting instructions from me. I walked over and put an arm on his shoulder and guided him to the couch. I realized that my hand was trembling and I felt my face had become hot and sweaty. "Now...Jack. Why don't you have a seat?" He politely took a seat on the couch keeping both feet flat on the floor and his hands folded on his lap. He didn't look very comfortable at all. "Well, Jack, I'll just go get us something to drink. Would you like a beer? Are you allowed to have a beer?" He smiled his delightful smile. "Yes sir I'm allowed to have a beer when I'm with a client. Thank you. I'd like one please." In the kitchen I looked into the refrigerator and found I had quite an assortment of different beers on hand. I was going to ask him what he would prefer and then realized that he probably wouldn't have the slightest idea. I remembered when I was a young teenager first experimenting with drinking and how (in retrospect), the things I'd liked the best were in actuality the blandest. A kid's taste would not lend itself to a sophisticated hoppy beer...there in the back of the fridge I noticed some silver cans of Coors Lite...that's the stuff I decided. I popped the can and poured the frosty pale yellow brew carefully into a tall glass creating a rather puny head at the top of the brew. Light beer...what are you going to do? I put two ice cubes into a tumbler and filled it with single malt scotch and carried both glasses into the living room. He accepted his beer with a smile and took a sip all the while looking at me waiting for my directions. I sat in a chair across from him and took a large drink from my scotch. "So...Jack. You're what...16 yes?" "I'm 15 Sir. I'll be 16 this August" he answered" In my mind I winced. "Why in God's name did I select a boy so young for this?" I thought. "What in the hell should I do now? Should I just get down to it? Should I ask him about himself? No...Do I really want to know anything about him. He's here to be used isn't he? Is there any need for small talk?" He broke the ice. "Shall I get ready for you sir?" "Eh?" "Shall I get ready for you...do you want me to get undressed?" This was moving very quickly. I felt as though I had lost control and then realized that I'd never actually had control since opening the door. I only knew that now I was sweating profusely. I couldn't think clearly. What the hell was happening? "Uhhh...Yes. That's a good idea Jack why don't you do that...you can uhhm put your clothes over on that table." "Do you want a fancy strip or shall I just undress?" I blinked; momentarily confused. "What?...no... no fancy uhm ...just take your clothes off...that will be fine." He nodded and got up from the sofa, walked over to the table in the corner and began to methodically undress- first his sweater and tee shirt and then his sneakers, socks and jeans. He folded the clothing neatly and placed each item on the table top. When he was standing in nothing but his beige briefs I motioned him over to stand in front of me. I got up from my chair and walked around him slowly-inspecting the prize that was now mine for the taking. I brushed the fingers of my right hand down his cheek, his neck and around one reddish brown nipple. His lips formed a small half smile as my hand moved down and across the bulge in the front of his briefs. I looked into his emerald eyes and gave him an almost imperceptible nod. He had been trained well. Without breaking eye contact the small beige garment was on the floor and he was stepping clear nudging it aside with his foot. My eyes drank in the vision before me. Just as the last golden light on the last perfect day of Spring reveals to a discerning eye all that is wondrous and right about that season, the young body displayed before me revealed all that is right and wonderful about boyhood. It was a breath taking glimpse of a thing so pure and perfect perched just on the brink of change. Like the green living lushness of spring about to change into the dry productive summer. The startling promise of a sunrise just before it becomes the light and reality of day. A boy about to pass from that enchanted joyful state of being into the less miraculous less wondrous state of young manhood. He was gorgeous. Under different circumstances, I think I might have wept. Instead I smiled and ran my hands softly over his smooth flesh still glowing with its glorious aura of "boyness". He stood still and silent while I explored him with my eyes and hands. I wasn't certain if his red hair suited his personality or if his personality suited the red hair but I could sense that there was a bit of a devil behind those green, green eyes. His ears stuck out ever so slightly from the side of his head not in any comical way but just enough so as to add to his cuteness. His pleasant square chin gave character to a face that would all too soon become strong, handsome and sadly less enchanting. He stood straight with no hint of a slouch to his already broad shoulders. The prominent collar bones of youth were already being hidden by developing chest muscles. His belly was flat though his ABS were not defined in any notable way. I noted that he had one of those rare "half innie half outie" bellybuttons that looked very much in place on him. His arms and legs were well formed with youthful naturally developing muscle. They were a bit out of proportion to his torso which was typical of a young body on the brink of what might essentially be the last surge of growth that would propel it from youth to maturity. I'd heard the term "colt's legs" applied to the limbs on youngsters such as this and it struck me now how appropriate the expression was. His slightly too large hands and feet gave me to believe that his final growth spurt would eventually push him well over six feet tall. His body was essentially hairless with the exception of a sparse bit under his arms and a healthy little grove in his pubic region. I ran my fingers through this "new growth forest" a bit surprised at its softness. I noted its red color and smiled at him. "This is the answer to the question that everyone asks about a red head you know." He understood me and smiled in return. I nodded appreciatively at his penis. Though still removed from being a man's, his member was far from being that of a child's. It hung flaccid against his scrotum which gave no doubt to the fact that his balls had dropped. It was circumcised and I wondered fleetingly if this was customary procedure for all NEST boys. I estimated his cock to be about 4 1/3 inches in its present state and while not overly fat, it certainly was no pencil dick either. It was and would certainly continue to be no source of shame or embarrassment for the young boy. His ass cheeks were prominently rounded and well fleshed forming what was commonly known as a bubble butt. While this normally was not my preference in a young man, it suited him well and added nicely to his overall appearance. A perfect package all in all...although just balanced upon the verge of becoming a man, he was for now, still very much a boy. "Well now Jack...I'm certain I won't have been the first person to have told you that you're a very good-looking young man. Why don't you sit back down and enjoy your beer while I finish my drink and enjoy looking at you." "Thank you Sir." He smiled again and sat back down. This time I noticed he leaned back into the cushion and looked considerably more comfortable. As we sat together finishing our drinks and making small talk, I decided that despite my unexpected nervousness upon initially meeting this gorgeous young man, this was going to be a pleasant undertaking after all. I threw back what was left of my drink in one quick swallow. Placing my empty glass on the side table, I stood up and extended my hand to my red headed wonder. He gave me a long look with those wild green eyes and reached out and accepted my hand. I led him into the bedroom. I allowed him a few moments to take it in. The room was large and was sided on three sides with floor to ceiling windows offering a breathtaking almost completely panoramic view if the city. The larger than king sized custom made platform bed occupied the center of the room and aside from a long low row of cabinets along the one solid wall the room was essentially empty. Everything from lighting to room temperature was controlled by a panel recessed into the side of the bed. There were also convenient drawers built into the bed frame. The large screen TV and other occasional conveniences were set upon retractable platforms that lowered into the floor or raised into the ceiling. The floor it self was covered with a rich dark blue deep piled carpet and soft music filled the room escaping from hidden speakers scattered strategically about. With a small smile, I gestured toward the bed. He responded immediately walking over to it and lying down upon the thick duvet patterned in dark blues, deep reds and purples. Exercising the inner devil that I'd suspected was part of his nature; he rolled over onto his stomach with his head supported by hands. He very round ass rose pertly and one leg was bent back raising one foot into the air. He smiled an enticingly wicked smile and fixed his green eyes on me. I noted with pleasure how wonderfully his pale skin and bright almost orange hair contrasted but complimented the coloring of the bed spread. It was almost as if it had been designed with him in mind. I removed my shirt and pants unhurriedly and his eyes never left me. In my black boxer briefs I crossed the room and climbed onto the bed with him. He read the signal in my eyes and rolled over onto his back opening his arms as I gently came down on top of him. I pressed my lips to his and almost at once they parted allowing my probing tongue access. The kiss quickly became passionate as our tongues danced with each other..caressed each other..fought each other in a wildly erotic frenzy. I couldn't tell if it was minutes or an hour later that I broke the kiss and he lay back panting for breath. I began the slow process of exploration with my hungry lips and tongue as I licked the small of his throat noting the well-developed Adams Apple that was bobbing in his neck as he took in deep breaths. I worked my way down to his chest and circled my tongue around the light brown areola of his left breast. I circled it languidly, teasingly before closing in on the tiny nipple itself taking it between my teeth and nibbling lightly but firmly while my hand tweaked and squeezed the nipple on his right side. I bit down just slightly harder and flicked the little tip quickly with my tongue. I heard and felt him suck in air as his body twitched slightly. For long minutes I played with his lovely nipples alternating from side to side between my mouth and hand. He was now breathing deeply and rhythmically. Finally I kissed and tasted myself down to the place that would one day be the pride of his manhood. My nose passed through his soft red bush and I inhaled the smell of him it was a sweet and salty smell that I soon realized perfectly complimented the taste of him as I gently licked nibbled and sucked his wonderful ball sack. Using fingers and tongue now I rolled and savored each of his balls individually teasingly brushing a finger up and down his perineum going far enough so as to gently stroke his rosebud as it passed. He was making soft whining sounds now as I worked these special boy parts. Stopping suddenly, I gave him no time to wonder or guess, I closed my lips around the head of his rampant cock and ran my tongue seductively across the head. Like a cat, I teased him this way for a minute or so before taking him in completely. I felt him suck in a deep surprised breath. I am a pretty decent cocksucker and I began using my skills upon his boy dick which hadn't increased in length that significantly as it became erect. Glancing at it I'd guessed it to be just a bit over 5 inches and I was determined to enjoy every inch. My lips and tongue were working their practiced magic as my mouth rose and fell the length if his shaft. He was writhing slowly in perfect rhythm to my movements and he was muttering softly "sooo good Sir...Siiiir sooo good." Even though he was trained and experienced I knew that a boy couldn't hold out against the assault of this type of pleasure. I could sense it I think almost as soon as he did. His hands suddenly grasped the back of my head attempting to hold me still while his pelvis arched up from the bed. "Ooooh Sirrrrrr!" he exclaimed almost frantically as his young cock exploded in my mouth. I felt four strong spurts as he throbbed in release...his hips jerked upward four times and then he collapsed onto the mattress. I greedily caught his small after squirts on my tongue and gently licked the tip of his still quivering cock clean. His taste was sweet and salty. "Just as it should be" I thought. I looked down at him. His eyes were closed and there was a broad smile on his face. His chest rose and fell in heaving breaths and his forehead was slick with sweat. He opened his eyes and looked up at me with an expression of half fear half concern. "Oh Sir...that was supposed to be my job. I'm supposed to be giving pleasure to you!" "What makes you think that you didn't just give me pleasure Jack? That was wonderful and I enjoyed every minute of it." I leaned in and kissed him receiving a smile for my trouble. It was then that the monster made itself known. "Take him now!" it growled from deep within me. "He's here to be fucked! He's here to be reamed!" I pulled Jack close to me and held him tightly I know that he could feel me trembling and I suspect it frightened him. My fear and anger rose as the monster within me tried to assert itself. "This is not a thing I'm holding in an embrace! This is not some hardened world wise prostitute!" I screamed silently at the thing that was eating my soul. "This is a little boy!" I felt my fear and rage manifest themselves in silent tears. "This is just a LITTLE BOY!" The Thing had no pity and it was relentless. It was strong and I was so very weak. I couldn't protect this boy from it. I couldn't protect Kyle from the...I couldn't protect anyone. I knew that I was going to give it what it wanted but at least this was Jack...it wasn't Sean. That was a small victory wasn't it? The boy beneath me looked at me with a frightened confusion as I sat up and opened one of the side drawers in the bed frame and removed a white tube. "At least I'll lube him very well." I thought "That'll give him some protection from the hunger of the beast." The boy Jack realized then what was about to happen. He'd been expecting it would probably happen and he'd certainly done it before. Without my saying a word he pulled his knees up toward his chest giving me access to his precious gateway. Taking a large glob of the lubricating jelly I worked it onto and around his anus. I then liberally coated my painfully erect cock from tip to base. I coated two fingers and pressed them against his lube slick rose bud increasing my pressure until together they broke through the resistance and into the hot smoothness. I turned the fingers slowly hoping to spread the lube over generously inside him. I'd taken no notice of his reaction to this initial penetration. If the truth be told, I didn't want to know. "Now!" the grating voice in my mind commanded. "Take him now! Don't worry about his pain or his tears you damned fool...it's his job! It's his fucking job!" The boy below me was still confused and probably worried. He looked up at me no doubt completely baffled by the sudden change in my demeanor. "How?" he asked softly. I looked at him like he was the crazy one. "What do you mean `how'?"...I asked but silently so that he didn't hear. "How?" he asked again and I realized he was asking me how I wanted to take him. The monster gave me the answer; "Keep him on his back so I can see him scream and cry! So I can watch while we hurt him!" I swallowed deeply. I didn't think the boy could see my tears and while I was afraid to speak I knew I had to give him an answer and perhaps even offer some sort of assurance. "Stay on your back just like you are Jack. I want to watch your wonderful green eyes while we do this." He nodded silently and pulled his knees further into his chest as I slid back onto my haunches and guided my steel hard cock to his exposed and vulnerable bud. Moving my hips, my cock slid between his two fleshy globes and I felt the tip of my cock press against his gateway. One hard thrust and I'll burst right through I thought. I looked down at him. His hands had grasped handfuls of the bed cover and he was gripping them as if for support. His eyes were tightly closed and his face was scrunched up. As I pressed my cock against him I saw him grimace and bite his lower lip. "My God!" I shouted at myself. "He's been made to do this before and he knows it's going to hurt. He's no seasoned adult. He's a little boy...he knows it's going to hurt and he's afraid! He's a LITTLE BOY what am I trying to do to him?" I pulled back and off the bed standing there shaking. Little Jack sat up with fear and confusion all over his face. I reached out and stroked his cheek with a trembling hand. "It's all right Jack! It's all right! You just stay there for a few minutes I'll be right back." I pulled the warm duvet up over him and tucked it around his shoulders. I bent over and kissed his fore head and rushed out of the room and down the hall into one of the guest bedrooms. I stood shaking, tears were pouring down my face as I listened with dread. I shook... frightened of the angry retribution the monster would demand for my failure. To my shock, there was silence. There was no raging beast screaming at me from the depths of my soul. I took a deep breath and then another and yet another. I held my hand out and it was steady. There was no trembling...no anxiety; no fear. I was calm... calmer than I had been in years and I realized what had happened. I hadn't failed. I had succeeded I had recognized the truth and I had protected that boy. Just as the Professor had promised me, I'd confronted the monster with the truth and it had perished. All of it came rushing into me like a flood but rather than being overwhelmed I soaked it in- recognized it and let it nourish my poor starved soul. The Professor had known all along. He'd even told me but, I had to recognize it for myself and I had... I finally had. I didn't want to fuck this little boy Jack, I certainly didn't want to fuck my darling Sean. I didn't want to or need to hurt either of them. It was a ruse I'd somehow invented to make me cruel and unworthy of love. It was spawned by a feeling of weakness and failure because I felt that I had somehow broken my promise to my little brother. Somehow I felt that I should have been able to save him even though I was almost 2 thousand miles away when the accident happened. I hadn't failed to protect Kyle, I hadn't failed to protect my parents...there was absolutely nothing I could have done. I had not properly grieved at their deaths because I kept the grief at bay with guilt. I'd hidden behind a wall of booze sex and irresponsibility. I'd done everything but the proper thing...the normal thing; face the terrible truth and get on with living. I might never have faced the truth were it not for a wonderful little boy who I had left sad and confused at home this morning. I would fly back tomorrow and begin to make it up to him. Now however, there was another little boy down the hall who was also confused and I needed to attend to him. I walked into the bathroom and washed my face. I was thinking clearly for the first time in 4 years but there was one more thing I needed to do. I closed my eyes and I saw the face I adored looking at me. "Good bye Kyle." I whispered "I've tortured your loving spirit for too long now. I realize that I didn't let you down and I know you would never have blamed me but...I blamed myself because I loved you so much and I couldn't bear the thought of my life without you. I've tried to bury myself in the same cold dark grave with you and Dad and Mom. I'm over that now Kyle and our love will no longer be a melancholy ghost making my life bitter. I'll keep you and the folks in my heart where you belong but I'm going to start living life again Kyle. Remember that I'll always love you. My little brother's faced smiled at me and I smiled back. Shortly thereafter I walked down the hall and back into the master bedroom. I smiled at the frightened confused little red haired boy. I reached out my hand. "Come over and let me hug you for a while Jack." He was in my arms instantly and as I held him close, I closed my eyes and smiled thinking of another little boy I would soon be holding in my arms. My little Sean...I was no longer fearful of loving him and letting him love me. (to be continued) Thanks again for all your emails! They make writing this tale so much more enjoyable. Next time, Eric will sooth Jack's fright and fly home to Sean who has indeed been learning to fish.