Date: Wed, 9 Oct 2013 13:36:52 -0400 From: Eff Del Subject: Young-But Daily Growing-Part 14 Young. But Daily Growing-Part 14 By Eff Del We are told that it is better to light one candle, than to sit and curse the darkness. While this is certainly true, it is equally correct that once the darkness has been lessened by that one small glow, we are predisposed to desire even more illumination. Driving back the darkness and dwelling in the light is a fundamental aspiration of human nature. I was staring into two moist impossibly green eyes as I wrapped my arms around the naked boy and gently rocked him as I made soothing and totally meaningless sounds. He was no longer shaking and his tears had never actually spilled onto his face, but his countenance was wrought with regret, concern and even fear. "I'm so sorry Sir. I can do it. I've done it before. I-it's just that it hurts so much that I sometimes forget what I'm supposed to do." His look and his voice were so poignant. "P-please, if you'll try it again, I know I can do it right. I'll make it really good for you." I took his chin in my hand and gently held his face wanting to keep his eyes locked with mine. "Jack, you haven't done anything wrong and there's nothing to be sorry for. You're a wonderful boy. Of course it hurt when people have done that to you. You're just too small yet. You can't take that kind of physical use without pain and you should never have to. That...act...when done between two adult sized people who care about each other can be wonderful. To be coerced into doing it though is a cruel brutal thing and to force a young boy like you to submit to such an act is a horror." I made a quick decision there and then. "It's a horror that you will never have to worry about again Jack. I'll see to that." His look turned confused and quizzical. "Trust me on this Jack." He nodded his head in assent. I ran my hand softly down his back and couldn't help continuing the journey so as to include his wonderful round butt. "Do you know what I want to do now Jack?" I half whispered. He looked up again with just a hint of concern showing. "I'd like to take a certain red headed boy I know out for a steak dinner. Does that sound OK?" He broke into a wide dazzling grin. "It sounds Great! I LOVE steak!" and then a look of concern crossed his face again. "B-but Sir...can I take a shower first? My bottom is all sticky and squishy from that stuff you put down there." I raised him up to his feet and playfully swatted his bottom as I began laughing. Good Lord but it felt so good to laugh. "There's the bathroom... towels are on the shelf...I'll see you in the living room when you're beautiful and not squishy. On second thought...make that just `not squishy...you're already beautiful." He smiled and then giggled. I had to kiss him before I let him go to scamper into the bathroom. While he was in the shower I made two telephone calls either of which might have posed a problem for someone with less resources than me. One of life's simple facts has always been that with the right amount of money to spend, anything can be accomplished...and quickly. I had barely finished my second call when a naked red haired vision came scurrying into the room. "If I were going to illustrate Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" this boy would be my model for Puck." I thought to myself. "I forgot that all my clothes were out here." His devilish little smile was back. I watched as he dressed and then I called for my car to be brought around. "La Maison de Boeuf" has always been my favorite steakhouse in the city and it was not very long before Jack and I were sitting in a semi-private booth attacking two monstrous T-bones. The steaks were wonderfully seared with a perfect dark crust on all sides. The inside was a uniform pink and upon tasting, the high quality beef was enough to cause you to roll your eyes in ecstasy. Like all boys I've ever met, Jack had an appetite that would be sufficient for someone twice his size. I had ordered a bottle of a wonderful Washington State burgundy I was familiar with. I poured a glass and offered it to Jack. Unlike Sean, he accepted it with a smile and enjoyed it with his meal. "It must be an age thing." I thought to myself. During our dinner conversation, I learned that Jack had a keen interest in ocean life and hoped to major in Marine Biology after graduating from the Academy. "If I can accrue enough money from contracts or if I'm lucky...score a scholarship." He appended his narrative. "That's a wonderful ambition and sounds like an exciting and worthwhile career choice." I'd agreed. He was sitting across from me with his back to the wall and I couldn't stop admiring how stunning his exotic coloring stood out against the old fashioned black and red paisley patterned wallpaper. By the time dinner was over, Jack had opened up considerably and I found him to be a delightful conversationalist; funny and slightly irreverent...just as I'd initially suspected he must be. As we rode the elevator back up to the penthouse he suddenly got somber. "I had fun this evening Sir. I'm sorry I was such a disappointment." I stroked his cheek gently. "Jack, you were anything BUT a disappointment. You have no way of knowing just how important our interval together has been for me...AND...for the rest of our time, you need to call me Eric." He smiled his wonderful smile. As we entered the apartment I noticed the package I had called for earlier had been delivered and placed on the table. "Jack why don't you go inside and get ready for bed and then you can join me out here." He looked at me totally confused. I laughed. "I mean just like before-take your clothes off but this time...leave them in the bedroom instead of out here." He grinned his little wicked grin. "On second thought, leave those little underpants on. I might want to take them off myself". He was off in a shot and in just moments returned with the small beige briefs hugging his wondrous buns. "Sit over here Jack" I indicated the couch as I got up and retrieved the small long box from the table. I cracked the box open and looked inside. It was as exquisite as I'd thought it to be when I'd noticed it in the jeweler's window on my way in earlier today. I removed it from the box and held it up for him to see. "This was obviously made with you in mind." I told him. It was an 18 carat gold chain of medium thickness made of intricate double entwined links. The chain ran through a gold bale that was cunningly fastened to a magnificent tear shaped full carat emerald. It was a beautiful piece of jewelry and was decidedly masculine in every way. Jack's eyes were opened wide and I noted with satisfaction that they almost perfectly matched the color of the gem stone hanging from the chain. I walked behind the couch so that I could fasten the chain around his thin neck. The stone fell to the center of his chest slightly higher than his nipples. The golden chain and the green stone so complimented his coloring that it seemed boy and pendant must have been created together and been accidentally separated until this moment. "Go look." I smiled indicating a mirror hanging on a far wall. He got up and walked to the glass. He spent several minutes looking and posing before finally turning around with a smile of pure delight. "It's the most beautiful thing! Thank you Sii...Eric! Thank you so much." He ran to me and wrapped his arms around me in a big hug.. "Sit down now Jack so that I can tell you something." I'd taken a seat on the couch and without being asked; he sat right next to me. I draped an arm over his shoulder and pulled him into me. "What happened...what ALMOST happened tonight should never happen to a little boy like you. That is something that adults do with adults and only if they choose to. I've taken measures to make certain that this is something you won't have to worry about again. I've been in touch with powerful people at the NEST...at the Academy Jack. You won't be sent out on anymore contracts before you are 17. By then your body should have grown enough to safely tolerate...such things... and if you WANT to go out you may... but you won't have to, not even then. I've had enough money transferred to the Academy to more than cover your potential income for them. They will ensure that your percentage will be deposited into your account. That will be a good bit of money for you when you're 18. ALSO...I expect that you'll get cracking and study really hard because I've also set up a scholarship for you at State University after you graduate. OK?" This time his emerald green eyes weren't able to hold back the tear drops. "Why are you doing this for me Eric?" "Because you are a wonderful young man who came to me just when I needed you. You'll never know how grateful I am to you." He looked confused. I smiled and kissed him. "Don't try to understand it Jack. Just trust me OK?" "OK." "Now Jack, I've also got to tell you that our time together is going to be cut short. I'm going to drop you back at the Academy in the morning because I've got some important personal business to take care of tomorrow. I won't forget you though and I hope you'll think of me every time you look at that necklace." He buried his face into my chest and I knew he was crying silently. I ran my hand in wide soft circles caressing his back. We stayed that way for quite some time before I softly spoke; "What do you think Jack...TV or bed?" After a few moments, he took my hand in both of his and gently but firmly pulled me into the bedroom. As he had done earlier, he lay on his stomach and watched me undress, when I approached the bed he rolled over and raised his hips so that I could slide the small beige briefs down his legs and off. I made to lie down next to him but he urged me onto my back. He was kneeling between my legs, his pert round ass jutting up into the air as he lowered his lips down onto my throbbing member. I felt the heat of his mouth as he engulfed me. In two distinct but smooth motions he had taken all of me in. I was surrounded by the hot wetness of his young mouth and throat. I could feel the tip of his nose pressed into my dark pubic hair. He moved slowly and evocatively up and down my shaft using his tongue skillfully to caress and tease. Every time he reached the tip he paused lingering long enough to taunt with his tongue and teeth before plunging to the base and beginning the slow erotic journey up again. It was as if he could feel what I felt...think what I thought because each time the superb fire began to fill my cock, he found a way to forestall its rise and extend my exquisite torment. Eventually even his considerable skill could not prevent the inevitable and issuing some animal like sounds my cock erupted...I shot my load into his enveloping mouth as I moaned his name. Finally I lay sated and still and he slowly worked his lips upon the tip of my cock cleaning up the small residual post climax drips. He raised his head and looked at me with a grin; green eyes flashing with good humor. I pulled him up onto my chest and slid the blanket over both of us. I think we both fell asleep at the same time. Before I walked him into the Academy the next morning we sat in the car in the parking lot. I kissed him one more time, gazing into those bewitching unearthly green eyes and thanked him again. Thanking me in return, he told me once more what a great time he'd had. I'd given him a card with my private telephone numbers telling him I expected a call if he ever needed anything. Before leaving him to return to his dorm, I told him that I'd be checking up on him regularly. "I've just invested a lot in your future Jack, make me proud. Become the fine man I know you're meant to be." I hugged him tight and then turned and left. The flight home was smooth and uneventful. John was waiting on the tarmac with the limo. As I usually did when it was just John and me, I slid into the front passenger seat. I was wishing I had requested that he bring Sean along when I'd called with my change of plans. In his usual comfortable manner when it was just us, John kept up a happy line of small talk and soon we were passing through the gate. I was a bit surprised when rather than pulling around back as he usually would, he pulled up to the front door. Instead of Walter, Doctor Swaim was standing at the steps to greet me. I became concerned. "Professor, what's wrong? Where's Walter?...Where's Sean?" He put a large hand on my shoulder and guided me into the house. Very quickly I realized I was being shepherded in the direction of the library. "Nothing's wrong...at least not here." He said. "Sean and Walter are up at Fish Camp murdering the bass. When we got the word that you were cutting short your...business by almost two days, I got concerned and thought it might be best if I intercepted you to make certain everything went as you planned." We had walked into the library and he had me sitting in a leather armchair as he moved on the wet bar and mixed two drinks. He offered one to me and I had the strangest urge to decline. But, I accepted it and took a sip allowing my tongue to relish the snappy peaty taste. I looked at him for a prolonged time before replying. I didn't break our eye contact as I spoke. "It went almost nothing like I had planned and exactly as I suspect you thought...or at least hoped it would." I gave him a detailed account of my time in the city. I described my battle with the beast at the very threshold of young Jack's body. I particularized my personal revelations while weeping in the bathroom and my symbolic farewell to Kyle. He listened without interruption until I finally ran out of things to tell him. "What now Eric?" he finally asked. "I don't know for sure Doc. I know that my heart is light and my mind is free. I'm filled with love for Sean. I want him to learn to understand my love and to hopefully learn to express his for me." "Then, you intend to keep him here with you?" "Yes...yes I do I just don't know in what way. I could simply buy out his contract which is essentially what I did for the boy Jack I was with last night...or I could make legal arraignments. I could even go so far as to adopt him. That alternative sounds particularly attractive. I don't know in what direction I want our relationship to develop. I don't know what my capacity in his life should be. I haven't thought that far ahead. This is all too new." "Well Eric, before you say anything to him, I urge you in the strongest way that I can, to take the time and think about these things. Examine all of the questions...consider all of the possibilities." He finished the last of his whiskey and rose to his feet reaching for my empty glass. He continued talking as he prepared two more drinks; "Eric, Sean is not some houseplant that you've brought home because you think it will look good in your study. He's not like a puppy that you've bought from the breeder and that you can return if he doesn't please you or learn the tricks you were hoping for. He is a wonderful bright loving boy and that could pose a problem Eric." I was stunned that he seemed anything less than ecstatic over my triumphant return and shocked at what seemed like the beginning of a rebuke of some kind. I opened my mouth to reply, but, he spoke first. "Eric, until recently the great love of your life has been Kyle, your little brother. Kyle lived to be older than Sean is now...he was 14 years old but essentially still just a little boy when he was taken away from us. In three short years Sean will have grown to be as old as Kyle was but, while Kyle is frozen in time- forever 14 in your heart and mind, God willing, Sean will continue to grow. He'll become a teenager and then a young man and eventually a man as big as or bigger than you. Kyle never got the chance to make teenaged mistakes, to exercise the natural rebellion and independence that are so intrinsic to maturing and growing up. He never had the opportunity to say or do angry and hurtful things that all growing boys unintentionally do as they begin to stretch their minds into their growing bodies. Eric, Sean will live to do all these things. He is wonderful and loving and bright but he is a boy and a boy must evolve into a man. It's like the old English folk song says; "he's young, but he's daily growing". Eric, drunk or sober, through anguish and anger, these past four years you've had the dubious luxury of loving the "idea" of Kyle. Had he lived Kyle would be 18 years old now. By all acceptable definitions he would be a man. He would have grown from the hero worshiping little boy into and through periods of rebellion and even a bit of cruelty. He would by now have second guessed you many times and most likely taken issue with some things you had done or said. Boys do that. Its part of growing up. I'm certain that the bond of your love for each other would have stayed strong but by now it would be on different- far more equal terms than it was when Kyle was 14.. None of this happened with Kyle because as the same song says; "cruel death has put an end to his growing". This isn't the case with Sean. He'll grow Eric. Joyous Gaurde is not Never Land and Sean is not Peter Pan. He won't do it on purpose and he won't do it to hurt you...but he'll grow. You have to ask yourself this very hard question; what do you really love? Do you love Sean for what he is now and what he will grow to be... understanding that this will include the perquisite bad times and bad things? Understanding that all too fleetingly the little boy will become a man? OR Do you really love the "idea" of Sean? Sean the delightful 11 year old boy who makes the whole world new and bright. An ideal child that should be frozen in time. Here is the reality you MUST face before you say anything to him Eric; If you're going to keep him with you then you must be willing to accept the changes that will occur with growth and you must be capable of loving him as he grows even if at times he seems to be growing away from you. You must be capable and willing to love Sean the boy, the youth and the man. If on the other hand you discover that what you really love is the idea of Sean, then you must enjoy this year and then let him go back exactly as he is regretfully expecting to do. You can make all of the financial arraignments required to keep him safe and ensure his future but you must...for both of your sakes return him to the life he had before it became entangled with yours. This way he'll do his growing out of your sight and the Sean of today will be forever preserved in your heart like Kyle- youthful and perfect." He fixed me in the gaze of his powerful blue eyes and I sat there shocked and speechless. Once again he was right. Once again like so many times in my life he had posed me a problem that I had not even considered and was going to leave me to solve it on my own. When, I wondered, will he ever stop being my teacher? "Think hard on these things Eric but don't make a hasty decision. You have the luxury of time I'm happy to remind you. Think hard and make a decision that is the right one for YOU as well as for the boy. For now, for this moment, the best choice would be a happy re-union with a little guy who has missed you." We walked out the back and got into a cart headed for Fish Camp. My head was filled with the new questions the big man had confronted me with. My immediate conclusion; he was right that I had the luxury of time. When faced with difficult choices, a year can seem like an eternity. For now, I just wanted to hug my little boy. As we pulled the cart into the clearing in front of the cabin, I noticed Walter down by the shore of the lake. He was dressed very casually in a short sleeved green shirt and tan cargo shorts. I took a moment to reflect upon what a fine looking man he really was. An extraordinarily fit 67 year old, he stood about 6 feet 2 inches tall. His almost silver hair was kept immaculately trimmed at all times (Kyle and I used to joke that he kept a barber prisoner in his apartment in the mansion.) His face was strong and always clean shaven. Today his dark eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. His shoulders were broad and his arms were strong and muscled in a normal not ostentatious way. His legs were the same. His muscles were for utility not for show. I didn't know much about his background other than the fact that he had served in Vietnam as one of the legendary Green Berets. There were family rumors about his exploits while in service and other (half whispered) stories concerning other perhaps more clandestine things done in the employ of my father. My father had taken over control of the family businesses as a young man after Pa Pop (my grandfather) withdrew from his active life over grief at the early death of my grandmother. Dad had done some things that were only hinted at. The only things I knew for certain were that in a remarkably short time, he had almost doubled the family's already unthinkable wealth. The other thing was that Walter had been integrally involved in these projects. My father had regarded Walter more as a brother than an employee and the only time in my life that I had ever seen Walter give in to his emotions was the day we buried my family. Walter regarded the estate of Joyous Gaurde as his home and he managed it with care and concern. To me he was a guardian and a trusted rock. His erstwhile job title of "butler" completely belied his function and his great value. He was fussing with his tackle, attaching a new lure to his line when he saw me. He put a finger to his lips to signal for my silence and pointed to the path that ran into the woods along the southern shore of the little lake. I nodded and walked down the rocky little trail. The path followed the shoreline closely and as I rounded a sharp bend, I saw him. He was sitting upon a well-rounded rock that half jutted out into the water. He was shirtless and was wearing a pair of grey cargo shorts and sneakers without socks. Perched upon his head was an ancient oversized tan canvass bucket hat that was so ridiculous that it made him look absolutely precious. His already tanned shoulders had the dark red burnish indicating more recent sun exposure. He held his fishing rod casually in his hand and as I watched he occasionally worked the line almost nonchalantly. As he stared out at the still water surface he was chewing on a long stem of dried grass. "My God!" I thought. "He's Huckleberry Finn." My heart ached to hold him but I stood frozen just enjoying the wondrous beauty of him. I stood silently for long moments until I could stand it no more. "How are they biting?" I tried so hard to sound casual. His head spun around and for just a moment he looked blankly at me. His face instantly lit up with recognition and happiness and he was off his rock perch and jumping on to me in moments. Spinning rod cast aside, fishing forgotten, his arms were wrapped around my neck and his legs around my waist as he hugged me tightly and kissed me repeatedly. "You're back!" he didn't speak, he shouted. "Eric I missed you sooo much! I hated sleeping alone without you last night!" "I hated sleeping without you little man." It was a half lie and I felt no guilt over it. I held him tight to me but he was...well, he was Sean and pretty soon he was wiggling out of my arms and leading me to his spot by the lake edge. "You should see how good I can fish Eric! Dr. Swaim says I learned really fast an I'm a natural!" I thought to myself; "Little boy, you seem to be a natural at everything you do." I was smiling so hard that I was afraid my face would break. He was talking a mile a minute and soon I was perched on his rock while he demonstrated his newly acquired skill at casting the line. I was impressed. He had learned quickly. Almost on cue as he cast a fourth time, the lure was taken as soon as it hit the water. The rod in his hand bent into a sharp arch almost doubling in upon itself. Like a little pro, Sean snapped the bale and gave the pole a tug to set the hook. He began playing the fish with a skill that bellied his short experience. Once I saw the creature break water in an attempt to throw the lure I knew that Sean had latched onto a large mouthed bass and was in for a thrilling fight. "Holy guacamole!" he shouted. "This is sooo cool!" His pink little tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on bringing the fish slowly to the shore. He was making cute little sounds but spoke no words...at least not that I understood. It took about ten minutes but the fish eventually tired and yielded to the tug of the line Sean was so skillfully playing. Spying the net lying on the ground nearby I jumped up and scooped in the silvery prize as Sean pulled it in. It was a very nice sized fish; about 13 inches and could certainly have been a keeper but Sean expertly removed the hook and gently wiggled the fish in the lake water until with one massive shake of its body it was revived and gone deep and away. Sean looked at me with a serious face...I desperately tried not to giggle but the floppy hat he was wearing made him look very cute but very comical as well. "The Professor says that we only keep the fish we're going to eat an the rest we let go so we can have the fun of catchin' then some other time." I nodded somberly at him trying to act as if he had just shared with me the secrets of the universe. Just then from a short distance away, I heard a sound I hadn't heard in years. It was the clanging of the large metal triangle that hung from the overhang on the cabin front porch. Since the days that this was Pa Pop's retreat, it had been the cabin's dinner bell. "We got plenty to eat Eric! Me an Walter caught a bunch this morning." He looped the hook of his lure around one of the cross braces on his reel and pulled the line taught. Locking the reel, he draped his pole over his shoulder and took my hand leading me down the pathway back to the cabin. "Walter taught me how to clean fish this mornin'. I thought it was disgustin' at first but Walter explained that it's just fish guts its not like its poop or nothing like that." He had a wonderful way of seeming to be enthused about everything he learned. As we entered the clearing he was jumping up and down with his excitement and he called out; "Look guys! Look...Eric's back!" Walter and the professor were nice enough to pretend I had just fallen from the sky greeting me as a new arrival. I watched as Sean placed his rod onto the wooden rack mounted to the lake side of the cabin just (I was certain) as he had been taught to. I remembered this well because I had been taught to do the same thing when I was a little boy. The professor ushered Walter Sean and me into the cabin and seated us at the table. "Now you must know Eric, that the bulk of the bounty about to be placed before us is the result of the skill of our young angler extraordinaire." He nodded magnanimously at Sean who beamed with pride. He was wiggling in his chair as the steaming plates were placed on the table. I am not as a rule a big fan of large mouthed bass as food. In general I find the meat to be a bit mushy and bland. The fish from Lake Eric however tended to be on the smaller side (normally no bigger than 14 inches) and the meat was generally firmer and sweeter than usual for the species. Doctor Swaim like my father and grandfather was an artist when it came to preparing a fish meal and lunch was fantastic. He had even prepared a large platter of hushpuppies using his own secret flavoring that always set my taste buds to dancing. The table talk was all about Sean and how easily he had adapted to the skills required to be a successful fisherman. "By yesterday afternoon, I was able to let him go off on his own because he needed no further guidance from me. This morning Walter gave him instructions on the unpleasant but necessary procedures for preparing a fish to be eaten. What did Walter teach you Sean?" "How to take out fish guts!" he said wrinkling his nose and grinning. "An choppin off the head and tails too!" "Sean," I asked turning to the boy seated beside me. "Where in the world did you get that outrageous hat?" "The professor got it from upstairs." Sean answered. Doctor Swaim looked across the table at me. "I'm rather shocked that you don't recognize it Eric. It was yours. I gave it to you the first time you and I came here to fish together." He smiled softly and recognition came rushing in. I was 13 that year. Kyle was 4 and just beginning to be fun but the professor felt that I needed some "attention to me" time. He'd placed the hat on my head as soon as we'd arrived at the cabin telling me with a wink that it would help me catch fish. For at least two years I'd convinced myself that I couldn't fish successfully if I wasn't wearing it. At some point in time I must have just left it in my room upstairs in the cabin and...like so many treasures of my wonderful childhood, just forgotten it." "Since you're back from your business trip early Eric, I hope you'll consider spending the night here at Fish Camp. You and Sean can spend the afternoon fishing and I'll prepare a pot of my world famous chili. Afterwards perhaps Sean will play the guitar for us. I took the liberty of having him bring the little old guitar from the music room with us yesterday. Sean plays and sings beautifully." I smiled. It was so typical of Doctor Swaim. As brilliant as he was, he didn't understand or give credence to the intrinsic value of some things. The "little old guitar" was the almost priceless Martin that had been Kyle's and which Sean had played for me on that unfortunate evening that now seemed so long ago. There were people in the world that would be horrified to learn that it had been allowed to be taken out of the house let alone up to a cabin to be used in a fireside sing-a-long. "Will you Eric?" Sean was looking at me pleadingly. "The professor says I'm in the room you used to use. We can sleep in your old bed. Will you? Could we?" I reached over and put my arm around him squeezing his shoulder. I smiled. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do Sean and besides...the Professor knows I'm a sucker for his chili" (to be continued) Once again thanks to those of you who have taken the time to write me about this little tale. I enjoy and appreciate all of your comments and in-put. This would also be a good time to consider making a donation to NIFTY so we can all continue to receive this stuff for free. -E