Date: Mon, 4 Nov 2013 21:22:09 -0500 From: Eff Del Subject: Young-But Daily Growing-Part 19 Young but Daily Growing-Part 19 By Eff Del Truly, few things are more bittersweet than those fleet moments that are the pause we always take following the completion of an important task or action. They are as immediate and as necessary as the quick intake of breath after the completion of a sustained note sung to one's limit of exhalation. In these short spaces we quickly review the course we have completed and either wish we had chosen differently or else look forward to the positive effect our accomplishment will inspire. The former of these is regret and the latter is hope. Choose hope...always choose hope. I could not remember a time that I had struggled up from the depth of sleep feeling so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I reached over to touch him to reassure him while he slept and was shocked when my hand claimed a purchase on empty bedding instead of soft boy skin. I sat up abruptly and looked around the room. Across the floor stood the oak chair I had sat on last night. Nearly in front of it bunched upon the carpet were his dark underpants, two wadded up towels and off to the right of the chair lay the discarded wooden paddle. On the bedside table at what I had come to consider "his" side of the bed were another crumpled towel and the tube of cream. Sean was nowhere to be seen. I scrambled out of bed and threw on my dark blue terry cloth robe to fight off the chill that I suspected was emanating more from my guilty soul than from the actual temperature of the room. I crossed the carpet and silently walked to the door of the bathroom. He was standing with his still red ass facing the large mirror while he was twisting his head and neck into painful looking contortions obviously attempting to get a good look at the devastation last night's paddling had wreaked upon his butt. "Oh, it's a sight all right." I spoke- surprising him and causing him to jump startled from his concentration upon the image in the mirror. He turned and looked at me awkwardly. Neither of us quite knew how to begin this morning's conversation. I reached into one of the lower cabinet drawers and pulled out a big rectangular hand held mirror and gave it to him so that he could more easily and completely survey the reflection of his recently abused cheeks. I allowed him all the time he required to perform his examination in silence until finally he laid the mirror on the counter top and turned to look at me again. His face was a perplexing mixture of sorrow, humor, confusion and expectation. He looked up at me with wide moist eyes, chewing on his lower lip. We stood there for a few moments and I realized that I still didn't have words for him. Instinctively, I opened my arms and he ran to me throwing himself against me and wrapping his little arms tightly around my chest, I enfolded him in my own embrace simultaneously closing my open robe around him. We stood in this tight encirclement for a very long time. As yet no words had been exchanged and somehow, the silence felt correct...like it was the proper way to begin this new day. Finally I lifted him up off the floor and brought his face even with mine. Pulling him closely I kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his nose and then finally his lips. These I kissed tenderly and he returned the passion of my touch in kind. Lowering him back down to the floor I brushed one red butt cheek softly. I was surprised that it was not emitting a fierce heat or that he didn't scream at the pain of my hand's contact. I didn't really know what to expect and therefore was surprised that I'd received no real reaction to this touch at all. "Is it still very painful?" I asked him softly thinking to myself that of course it must be. "Not as bad as last night, but it's still pretty sore." He'd reached around and was softly rubbing his other cheek. "Let's have a quick shower and then I'll rub more cream on you. That should help a lot." "Kay." He said softly into my chest. I'd dried him carefully applying as little pressure as possible against his tender little ass and then stretched him on the bed lying on his stomach as I applied a generous layer of the soothing cream to the redness. "Today's Friday and I'm going to call the professor and tell him that I've declared a school holiday. I want you to rest as much as possible and I want to talk to you later about...last...about things." I let him lay there on the bed while I made the call to Doc Swaim who agreed with my decision. He was extraordinarily upset when I told him of the extent and severity of last night's paddling and insisted that we must speak about it when I could make the time. After breaking the connection, I lifted the oak chair and returned it to its place in the corner of the kitchenette and picked up the discarded towels and briefs and threw them in the laundry. I retrieved the wooden paddle and placed it on top of the little cabinet and looked around satisfied that there were no significant traces of last night's "event" in the bedroom. "Do you feel like getting dressed and going down for breakfast of shall I have it brought up here for you?" Rolling over onto his thigh and propping himself up on one elbow he replied almost indignantly; "'Course I can get dressed and go down for breakfast! I'm not sick Eric...I just got a sore butt." He actually was smiling. I smiled in return and ruffled his hair tenderly. "OK then but if I may suggest loose shorts or sweat pants and maybe no underwear this morning." He chose a powder blue work out suit with dark blue trim and of course he looked stunning. Looking up at me with a soft glow on his face and in his eyes, he took my hand in his and we walked downstairs together. Martha tried not to be obvious with the attention she paid him as we entered the kitchen and as she led us to the table. I was amused to notice an extra pillow had been placed on Sean's chair. Neither she nor Sean said anything about it, but as he sat at his place he looked at her gratefully. For the full duration of the meal he was waited and doted upon with tenderness and concern while my own service was cool and business like. I was very aware that Martha was looking at me as little as possible and I chose to ignore this slight because in actuality I certainly wasn't my own biggest fan this morning either. Among the three of us, Sean seemed to be handling last night's event the best. When breakfast was finished and Sean and Martha had exchanged more than their usual hugs and kisses, I guided him down the hall to my study. As always on a weekday morning, there was a pot of coffee and a pitcher of orange juice set up on a cart in the corner. I poured myself a cup of strong black Kona and poured a glass of juice for Sean. I led him over to the casual corner of the room and indicated he should sit in one of the comfortable chairs. I took the chair opposite him and after a small sip, I placed my cup down onto the low oval table that was between our chairs. He looked at me expectantly obviously knowing our conversation was going to be important. "Sean, I want you to listen to me very carefully and to try very hard to understand what I'm going to say to you. Will you do that for me?" He nodded gravely and affirmatively. "What happened last night...what I did to you was so wrong...in so many ways that I hardly know where to begin. I hated every second of it and I hate myself for having allowed it to happen. Tell me what it was like for you Sean." "Well..." he placed his juice glass down on the glass table top. "When I was waiting for you to come up I was sittin wondering how it was goin to feel and the longer I sat there waiting the more scared I got and then I was afraid I was goin to cry before you even got started an...Eric I know you didn't want to do it but I wanted you to do it cause if you spanked me...then I would know that you cared about me and that what I did really mattered to you an that it was something important..." He trailed off and I realized he was having a difficult time putting his very complicated thoughts and feelings into words. It was as I suspected; the spanking was not of itself a means or an end to anything...it actually was representative of his confused correlation between his two worlds; his lifelong world of the NEST and his short and perceived temporary world of life with me at Joyous Gaurde. He was not a child of the mainstream world and I kept forgetting it. Much of what we...what I took for granted was new and strange to him. Good and bad there were things in the "real" world he'd never been exposed to. I considered for the first time that perhaps something as simple and basic as self-will was a foreign concept to him. The NEST was not a harsh or uncaring environment for a child to grow up in. In fact, it was quite the contrary. >From the beginning NEST boys were nurtured and encouraged to excel at anything and everything they had interest and talent for. While there was no actual love, there was certainly encouragement, camaraderie and probably friendship. There was reward with only the most minimum of punishment. Children at the NEST progressed through encouragement rather than threat or intimidation. While there were social tiers; primarily the differentiation between the "little kids", the kids undergoing "training" and the "big kids" who actually went out on contracts, there was no unnatural hazing, harassment or torment in fact, between the social levels of the NEST, there was probably less friction than exists between siblings in a normal household. What stopped this from being an almost ideal environment for growing up was the simple sinister fact that these bright talented boys were being brought up and trained to be exceptionally gifted whores. This of course had no negative connotation for the children of the NEST. This was their accepted duty upon reaching a certain age. It was a function that they performed for the good of the only home they had ever known. It was a life style they were trained for and expected...a service they performed for a few short years before moving on with their lives. I was beginning to realize that this attitude was being instilled into the children long before their sexual training began. Sean had no body shame because he had been brought up to have none in fact he'd been taught that it was a good thing to display himself and to be pleasing to look at. He had no sexual hang-ups other than the abstract fear that some sex acts would probably hurt at times. He'd been raised to understand that sexual compliance was something that would be expected of him. He understood this long before he really had any idea what sex acts actually were. It had also obviously been driven deeply into him that his first obligation was to please his client in all things. I realized with a shudder that to Sean, I was his client. His young mind and his youthful emotions may have begun to run far afield of that basic concept, but it was there and despite his growing feelings, he simple could not shake the client/NEST Boy relationship...at least not by himself. I suddenly knew for the first time that if I were going to keep him with me...as I was still certainly planning on doing...I would somehow have to help him learn his value as Sean not as a favorite NEST boy. It occurred to me that I'd been procrastinating...putting off the difficult job of decision making and then working towards putting that decision into action. I also realized I was being incredibly insensitive and unfair to the beautiful little boy sitting across from me. I looked back at him and returned to my original train of thought. "The spanking Sean, did it hurt?" He stopped sipping on his juice and looked at me with a quiet intensity and half nodding his head he answered; "Yeah. It was the most hurting I ever felt in my whole life. It was much worse than I thought it was gonna be. I thought I was gonna die an I wanted to ask you to stop...but I couldn't `cause then that would have been going back on our deal." "Sean..." I interrupted him though I probably shouldn't have. "We had no "deal". It was your deal...your idea of something that you felt was supposed to happen to you." I waved my hand absently in the air as I carefully chose my next words. "Do you really think in your whole life that you have ever done anything bad enough to have deserved the pain you suffered last night?" I didn't give him the opportunity to reply. "Sean that spanking was brutal and horrible and so out of proportion to anything I can possibly imagine you ever doing and it certainly had no relationship to your accidentally knocking a trophy down from its shelf. My God Sean, don't you think the scare you got from falling...the cut on your forehead and the scrape on your leg was a big enough price to pay?" He just looked at me wide-eyed with his lower lip trembling. I'm going to make him cry again I realized but it simply can't be helped. "Sean, you're a little boy and little boys make mistakes all of the time. I'm a grown man for crying out loud and nobody makes more mistakes than I do... and Kyle...he was always making mistakes." There, I'd said it I'd begun to invoke Kyle's humanity...begun the slow but necessary work of destroying his image of perfection. "Making mistakes is how I learn...mistakes were one of the big ways Kyle learned and Sean you are going to learn by making mistakes as well. People don't get punished for making mistakes...mistakes help us grow." He continued staring at me and though moist, his eyes were without tears so far. I reached across the table and stroked his knee being careful of the now browning bruise. "Sean, there's not a boy in the world...not even the worse boy there is who deserves what happened to you last night. I'm sick to my stomach over it and though I know you won't believe it, my heart hurts more than your butt does right now. "Believe me when I tell you that there will never be another spanking in this house and you must never again think that you have done anything that deserves such abuse. Nobody ever deserves something like that. "Sean, you're the best boy I have ever known. You don't deserve to be hurt...you deserve to be loved...only loved...and Sean, I love you. With all my heart I love you little man and I will never again do anything that hurts you...I promise." The tears were flowing now and he was trying not to sob which caused him to make cute little squeaking noises. "E-Eric...I don't want you ever bein' mad at me. Y-you're the m-most special person I ever had in my whole life an...an I l-l...an I like you s-sooo much Eric!" Now snot was running from his nose and he wiped it away with the back of his hand while trying to suck it back up making snorting noises as he tried. I reached behind me and grabbed a box of tissues from the credenza and handed them to him. "E-Eric...will you.." he looked through his tears at me so intently it was if there were fires smoldering behind them...like they were blue/green coals burning slowly into my soul. "Will you love me alla time...even after I go back? Will you still see me sometimes an maybe even bring me back here sometimes?" He was twisting his moist tissue into a rope. "Tell him!" I screamed silently to myself. "Tell him now!" I felt short of breath my inner struggle was choking me. "I can't!" I screamed back at my internal voice. "I can't... it's too complicated...I haven't decided yet!" I swallowed hard and stood up and stroked his dark hair. "Of course I'll love you all the time Sean and you'll always be a part of my life." I knew at once that I'd given him a horribly chicken shit answer but it calmed him down and I walked him to the wash room and rinsed his face with cold water. "Let's go back upstairs and I'll put some more cream on you." "It feels pretty good right now Eric." "I know...but I'll take any excuse to touch your cute little ass." He smile up at me and gave me a shoulder bump. "God I love it when he smiles" I thought. I'd been concerned about his red ass when I dropped him off for practice the next morning. As it turned out, if it had been noticed, it was being kept between himself and his friends. He certainly said nothing about it when I picked him up. As we sat at the wooden table scarfing down our carne asada burritos I decided to ask him. "Did any of your friends say anything about your glow in the dark butt?" "Sure, they all did." He said between bites. "They said it looked like I got a good one." I arched an eyebrow in surprise and he responded; "Jeeze Eric, I'm not the first guy to show up with a red hinny. Buddy and Mike's dads are always givin them spankins and Bulldog has showed up with a red butt once too." I nodded none too pleased at this news but realizing that only "he who is without sin should cast the first stone." The weekend newspapers were full of excitement about the Regional Swim Meet on Wednesday. Over the course of the regular season they had all picked up on Coach Riorden's nickname for the boys and had even modified it slightly so that now they were known as the "Seven Swimming Samurai". The expectation was that for the first time in years Deer Run Athletic Club might be sending a full team to the State Finals and already there was talk of a State Championship for the team and an individual all-around championship for "Samurai Sean". The entire staff at Joyous Gaurde were excited and Walter, John, Martha and of course the Professor had made it plain that they intended to be there. There was enough room in the limo for all of us to take the two hour drive and John volunteered to drive but I insisted that this time he was going to be a passenger. Chauffeur duties were assigned to Terry, a staff member who filled in for John when he was on vacation or otherwise unavailable. Tuesday evening Sean and I were in the "chess corner" of the library involved in our latest match. It was our seventh game against each other, two had been called a draw and we each had won two. As I'd suspected from the first, the little bugger was a formidable opponent. Sean had just moved a knight and was holding a finger on the piece while he considered the value of his move when Walter entered the room. "Sean there is a telephone call for you. I've had it transferred to line three. You can take it on the phone there in the corner." Sean looked up at me and raised an eyebrow in query. I nodded and said; "Go ahead and get your call. It's OK to take your finger off the piece...I won't count it." He smiled at me and got up from his place. We'd become so competitive that we had begun holding each other to strict observance of the rules. Therefore once a piece had been moved and a finger not retained on it, the move was final and could not be changed. I'd just given him permission to let go of his knight and still be allowed to change his mind about the move when he returned to the board. He returned to the table with a concerned look on his face. "That was Coach Riorden. There's been an accident. Charlie fell off his bike and he's sprained his arm. Coach says I haffta swim the 50 meter fly since I'll have had the most rest between events." "Poor Charlie!" I exclaimed. "He's come so far only to have this happen. Are you sure you can do his race Sean?" I knew the 50 meter butterfly was by far Sean's weakest event. "I can do it." He flashed me a "Sean smile" and dramatically lifted the finger he'd placed back on his chess piece. "An, that's my move." I grinned at him. "I suppose you think you're very clever but...guess what? We've got to get an early start tomorrow so it's off to bed with "Samurai Sean"...this game is on hold." It was a marvelous trip to the Regionals. We four men drank good cold San Diego brewed beer while Martha and Sean drank root beer and Martha fed us sandwiches. The meet itself couldn't have more exciting or successful. Sean had already swum four of his five personal events and had taken gold in them all. He sat in the stands with us wrapped in a warming blanket as he watched his teammates compete. He still had the individual medley to swim plus Charlie's fly and the grand finale...the Team Relay. The "samurai" were having a spectacular day thus far. The boys had medaled in every event they were entered in and our group of spectators was going a little crazy. At one point after ogling all the little boys in their skimpy speedos, Martha leaned over to me and whispered; "Our Sean is by far the best looking one of them all." I smiled and winked at her. "You don't have to try and convince me I laughed." They were calling for the swimmers to take their platforms for the 50 meter butterfly. "Good luck Sean." I gripped his shoulder. Sitting on my other side was a miserable looking Charlie, arm in a sling looking for all the world as if he'd just been sentenced to death or something equally as horrible. "Don't worry Charlie...I'll get `em for you!" Sean smiled as he slid past us and made his way down to the pool. This was an important race for Charlie. If Sean could medal in this event, the team could enter a swimmer in the State finals which would be Charlie assuming he'd healed in time. If Sean didn't place, then Charlie's season was over so far as his best event was concerned. The swimmers took their positions and the horn sounded. They all hit the water almost simultaneously. The butterfly is a terribly strenuous stroke it is very fast and the swimmers churn the water so as to make visibility almost impossible. All of the swimmers were very good and the 50 meter is short and fast. Almost at once however three swimmers were vying for the lead against the rest of the pack. One of these, in lane three was Sean. With about 25 meters left to go it was definitely a three boy race. We were all on our feet screaming ourselves horse. Little Charlie was jumping up and down and I was afraid he'd fall over and further hurt himself. In a flash it was over. Gold to the boy in lane six, silver to lane one and bronze to Sean in lane three. That was all he needed. A half an hour later Sean claimed gold in the individual medley in spectacular fashion finishing ahead of the second place swimmer by more than a meter. At the end, the Deer Run boys took the relay handily making this the most lopsided Regional in over five years. When it had become apparent that the team was going to be overwhelmingly victorious, I'd asked Walter to call and reserve a private room at Pine Valley Pete's; a well-known steak house close by and I hosted the team coaches and families to a celebratory dinner. There is nothing quite so amusing and beautiful at the same time as a group of pre-adolescent boys who have just accomplished something they know to be spectacular. They were so loud and insufferable in their victory, that I made the seven of them sit at a separate table so we adults could enjoy our meal. I must have also gotten caught up in the spirit of the moment because at some point during desert I stood up and announced that after the State Championships in two weeks, I was taking all seven of them camping and fishing to my place on Devil's Horn Mountain. This was met with a raucous chorus of approval from the "Seven Swimming Samurai". It was late that night when Terry pulled the limo through the gate a Joyous Gaurde. Sean had fallen asleep at least an hour ago so with John's help I gently got him out and carried him to our room. He was still half asleep and flopping around like a rag doll as I undressed him. As I slid his underpants down off his hips I stopped suddenly and looked carefully to make certain of what I was seeing. There at the base of his little cock almost unnoticeable except for their darkness were the unmistakable beginning of some pubic hairs...not very much to be sure but a certain sign that puberty was preparing to pounce on my little boy. I softly ran a finger over his pubic area and they weren't detectable to the touch yet. I bent down and kissed the little area and then I kissed his tiny cock, his belly, his nose and his lips. He didn't move. "Samurai Sean" the golden boy was out for the night. I stood looking down at the gorgeous little naked boy on my bed for long minutes before I pulled the covers up over him. My heart was full and my mind was racing as my eyes embraced his peaceful sleeping face. "What am I to you?" I whispered so softly that I could almost not hear myself. "Am I a friend, a lover...a father? Or am I a client; someone you've been taught to expect in your life...someone you've been raised to please. Do you love me and not know how to say it? Or is love something you've never learned and will never understand?" I reached down and softly brushed my fingers through his thick black hair. "What are you to me?" I whispered again as I gently turned a lock of hair between my fingers. "Are you a boy I rented and paid for to bring me moments of laughter and pleasure? Are you a lover in training? A brother to replace the one I've lost? Are you my young friend or perhaps...a son...a son I never thought to have? Or are you something else entirely...something not defined by a society that tries so hard to pigeon-hole everything and everybody? "What are you Sean that I feel so deeply for you...that my hearts soars when I see you smile? What are you that I cannot even speak it aloud? How can it possibly be that you've become so important and so dear to me that I can even think about you clearly?" I slipped out of my clothing and climbed into bed next to him. I lay there listening to his little boy almost snoring noises. Just before sleep claimed me I thought to myself; "I'm confused but I'm hopeful...so very hopeful". (to be continued) Next time we'll get to the State Finals and experience a horror. Thanks as always for your many kind comments and suggestions and don't forget that NIFTY needs your help!