Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 22:41:24 -0500 From: Eff Del Subject: Young-but Daily Growing-Part 22 Young, but Daily Growing-Part 22 By Eff Del A difficult truth for each of us to grasp is the fact that we do not control the outcome of events despite our best efforts to do so. All things will occur as they are meant to and in accordance with the scheme and schedule of the universe. To fervently desire a specific outcome is... hope. To understand that all things happen as they are supposed to is... faith. When we live a hopeful life tempered and strengthened by faith, we are seldom really disappointed. He looked so pale and tiny in the hospital bed with the IV tube in his arm, the ventilator over his mouth and his closed eyes so dark and sunken into his face. His skin was so white that it seemed almost transparent; I could see the blood vessels like tiny blue spider webs in his cheeks, arms, hands and especially his paper like eyelids. Despite what I had come to expect from movies that I'd watched, there was no harsh rasping sound of labored breathing, nor any constant electronic sonar like noise coming from the monitors to which he was attached. His breathing was actually hardly audible and the machines in the room were for the most part silent. In fact, that is what struck me as I sat there alone with him; the remarkable silence. My rage had turned to tears and finally my tears had all been shed and there was nothing left but hope and patience as I gazed at him. Even with the ventilator obscuring part of his face and his body so wan and ill-used, he was beautiful and I was content knowing that he was under the finest care available and that everything the doctors had told me was positive and encouraging. I was content just to sit and watch him. I rejoiced at every small movement of a tiny finger and every slight flutter of an eyelid. I reveled in the fact that though still pale...almost blue, his skin now felt soft and warm...the warmth of life. I sat in the dark room and held his little hand in mine and watched him knowing he was safe and that he would recover. I was content. I was sitting with my back to the door of his room but I knew when it was opened because the brighter light of the hallway and the residual noise suddenly interrupted the quiet darkness. Turning my head I noted the solid figure of Doctor Gilbert as he approached the bed with a slight acknowledging nod of his head in my direction. After he had spent a few moments examining the little boy in the bed and making some notes on the bedside computer that served as the medical chart, he came and pulled a chair next to mine and sat down. He placed a hand on my shoulder and spoke in his soft but confident baritone; "Well Eric, I know he looks just terrible to you and the ventilator makes the whole thing almost frightening but, we're going to see some vast improvement very shortly. I'm having the IV changed and we'll slowly bring him back to consciousness, I'm also going to have the ventilator removed. He'll have no problem breathing on his own. The concern has all ways been that guy's sustained use of the sodium thiopental which was never intended to be used in so prolonged a dosage. He'd been using it to keep the boy in a constant state of sedation and such abusive application of that drug could easily have led to a fatal overdose. We've been concerned about damage to his lungs and pulmonary system but I'm happy to tell you that our tests have all come back negative in that regard. Once we have him awake we'll getting him eating as soon as we can though we'll keep reinforcing that nutrition with the IV." I know I was looking at him gratefully but before I could speak he continued; "Now, I've got to tell you that we still have a very real apprehension that there may be liver or renal damage to deal with. That was a lot of barbiturates for one little body to have had to try and metabolize. Tomorrow we'll be able to run a series of tests that will give us an indication as to whether we're in the clear or not. Now, my suggestion to you would be to go back to your hotel, have something to eat and get yourself cleaned up...you look like crap and I don't think that's what you want the little guy to see when he first wakes up. Be back here in about three hours and you should be right on time to see him open his eyes. I'll be here then as well so I can have a look at him." ***** "I'm sure you want to be alone when he wakes up Eric, but as soon as possible the Professor and I would like to see him OK?" I was sitting in my underwear at the table in my hotel suite devouring a t- bone steak and a mashed potato wonderfully stuffed with cheddar cheese and bacon. I stopped long enough to take a sip of my beer and smile at John and Doc Swaim who sat at the table with me each of them sipping on a whiskey and water. "I'll find out from Doctor Gilbert what the best set up for visitors will be and I'll let you know but of course the main thing guys, is to get him better...or at least well enough so that we can take him home." "Amen to that." muttered the Professor pushing his black rimmed glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose. "Eric..." he spoke softly but looked at me with a serious expression that indicated that he was not about to make small talk. "Do you remember what you...do you remember the things you said to John and me when you were so frightened and angry?" "I said a lot of things Doc." "I know but I'm speaking about what you said about Sean and your feelings about him. Do you remember what you said?" I chewed much longer than the wonderful mouthful of meat required, swallowed and then took a sip of my beer. "I remember very well Doc. It came to me in a flash but very naturally when I thought I might lose him. He's my son Doc. I love him...remember our conversation Doc when you told me that I had to decide what I wanted my relationship to be with him?" The big man nodded solemnly and his glasses slid back down to the tip of his nose. "Doc, I love HIM...I don't love the idea of him...I don't love having a little kid around...I Love him. I love Sean and I want Sean around. I want to watch him grow up and help him along the way so that he grows into the fine wonderful man he should be. I want to be there when he stumbles and when he succeeds. I want to understand when he's petulant and even rebellious. I want him and I want him for the right reason Doc because I love him and I love what he'll grow to be." "So then, you're planning on actually adopting him?" asked John with a smile on his face. "Only if it's something he wants. Only if he understands and loves me as well. I won't force anything on him because there are so many other possible alternatives for him. At some point I'll find the best way to present the choices to him and let him make the decision. Nothing will ever again be forced on him in his life I can promise you both that. I can only guarantee that unless for some reason he insists on it, he's never going back to that training ground for whores I took him from." They both nodded and I turned my attention back to my steak. ******* Without the respirator he looked so much better...more like he was simply sleeping. "He'll be coming around in just a few minutes so I want to give you a heads up on a few things." I'd found Doctor Gilbert and a nurse and a technician were already in the room when I returned. "First off, he's going to remember very little about this entire ordeal. That's one of the many legitimate uses for this drug and in this case, though the drug itself was abused, the amnesia effect is actually a blessing. He'll be groggy and confused almost as if he's hung over but he won't have a headache like a hangover. His throat may be sore and he'll probably cough a lot. That's typical until the drug is completely out of his system which may take a couple of days. Don't let the coughing concern you. I'm going to start him on soft food right away but if he does as well as I think, he should be able to try solids by dinner time." He took my arm and guided me over to the window out of earshot of the nurse and technician. "Eric, I know you're wondering but have either been afraid or reluctant to ask. He's been thoroughly examined and checked over. There is no indication that any sexual abuse took place." He was looking at me intently. "The fact that he'd been stripped and kept naked would indicate that the bastard probably had some intentions in that regard but the quick work of the FBI prevented it from occurring." "Thanks Doctor." I said with a half-smile. "FBI my ass!" I thought. It was the quick work of Walter and his people who I'd since found out were dubbed "Skuggor". That was the Swedish name for "shadows" and no doubt paid homage to Walter's Swedish heritage. It was Walter and his Skuggor who had prevented it. It was Walter and his Skuggor who'd made certain the bastard would never hurt anyone else. My mind reeled at the thought of the long sessions with Walter and Uncle Phil that lay ahead of me. My life was going to be changing in many significant ways it seemed but amazingly, I felt prepared for everything. "We're going to leave you so that you can be alone when he wakes up. I'll be back in to check on him in about an hour." He smiled and clapped me on the shoulder. I returned the smile and walked over to the bedside and sat down to wait. It was a very short wait. The doctor had hardly left the room when Sean's eyelids began to flutter. I watched in quiet anticipation as they flew open. He closed and opened his eyes in rapid succession as he tried to focus and when he finally did, a look of complete confusion came over his face. Reflexively I reached out and stroked his cheek softly and his eyes darted in my direction. The bewildered expression remained on his face for a few moments and then he smiled at me. "Was I sleepin?...Mornin Eric." He was confused again. He glanced down at the IV attached to his arm and his eyes shot back to me. "Where am I? What happened? Why do I feel so woozy? What...what's goin on Eric?" He was beginning to panic. I took his hand in mine and leaned over so that he could see me and me alone. "Shhhh. It's all right Sean. There was a little bit of a scare but everything is fine now. You're in the hospital right now." Confusion and then fear crossed his little face. "It's all OK now. Everything is fine...you're fine." I couldn't help it; I leaned further down and kissed his forehead. "Do you feel like sitting up a little bit Sean?" He nodded his head and began a series of dry coughs just as I'd been warned he might. I pressed the control for his bed and with a soft mechanical whine he raised up into a semi-reclining semi-sitting position. For the first time in days I saw a "Sean smile" as he acknowledged the wonderful bed with delight "Man I'm woozy Eric." He said almost to himself as much as to me. "I'm really thirsty. Could I have something to drink?" The nurse had left a large plastic cup of ice water fitted with a flexible plastic straw on the side table. I handed it to him and showed him how to adjust the straw. He took several long sips and smiled again as he handed the cup back to me. "Better?" "Lots!" he nodded his head. "Man oh man I feel icky!" he was running his free hand through his greasy matted hair. "I bet I'm a really stinky boy right now huh?" "Nah, you're the most beautiful boy in the world right now and nothing can change that little man." I was rewarded with a grin and a giggle. I thought my heart was going to break with joy. I patted him on his arm...I couldn't keep my hands off of him it was as if I needed the reassurance that touch provided. "You know, when we get back home, the first thing we're going to do is place your big overall championship trophy on the shelf in the Samurai Sean room." He gave me a puzzled look. "When did I win that? I don't remember winning that." Then he was silent for a bit and I could see his wonderful little mind working. Suddenly he looked up at me intently. "Eric...the last thing I remember was you told me how good I was doin' and then I was walkin' to the pool for the race and I felt funny about somethin' an I wanted to tell you something but I couldn't think what it was so...I looked at you...cause for some reason I wanted to and something made me blow you a kiss and give a wave. Did I swim the medley? Did I do good?" I was choking back tears that I desperately didn't want him to see. I swallowed hard three times before I spoke. "Yes Sean, you swam the medley." I was stroking his hair softly as I spoke. "You swam the medley and you did great. You set a new state record for the event and by wining that you also won the best overall trophy." "The one like Kyle's?" "Yes Sean, the one just like Kyles." "Am I gonna gedda see it soon Eric?" I nodded in agreement and said; "I'll ask John and the Professor to bring it with them when they come to visit you this afternoon OK?" "Kay!" he smiled and coughed simultaneously. A little frown appeared. "Don't worry about that cough, Doctor Gilbert says its normal and it will go away in a couple of days." He nodded and reached for his water cup. After a few good sips his face got very serious. "Eric, if I tell you something will you promise not to laugh at me?" "I'd never laugh at you Sean. What is it little man?" "Well...I think that for a long time I've been with Kyle." I was startled almost out of my chair. "What?" "I've been with Kyle." He was nodding his head vigorously and looking at me keenly. "I remember I was walkin' along this road...path... and I didn't know where I was or how I got there but...I wasn't afraid or nothing I was just walkin... and then I heard a voice say `No Sean, you're not supposed to go there yet. Come with me I'll keep you safe'. I turned around an it was Kyle...I recognized him from his pictures and he took my hand and we walked a different way an pretty soon Eric, we were in the cave up on Hawks Hill an we were sittin aroun the fire ring and he was telling me stories and making me laugh." He looked up at me to see if I was listening and to try to gauge if I believed him. Satisfied with what he saw, he continued; "Every now and then, somethin would call me and I'd walk out of the cave to try an follow it but Kyle kept comin' after me saying `not yet Sean come back inside with me. I'll tell ya when it's time' an we'd go back into the cave. It was like that a lot an then one time he said `It's OK now Sean my brother is here to take you home' and we walked out of the cave together and he kissed me an I kissed him and then he kissed me again an said `that one was for Eric' and then he pointed down the path an I looked an I saw your face an I was here." I was crying and I couldn't stop. I'd been certain over the last five days that I had cried enough for a life time but it would seem that was not the case. "Do you believe me Eric?" "Of course I do Sean, of course I do. You had to be somewhere...why not with Kyle so he could...so he would keep you safe?" He crooked his index finger at me beckoning me to bend down close. As I did, he reached up and pulled my head down and kissed me deeply. As he broke the kiss he smiled and said; "That one's from me, I'll give you your kiss from Kyle later." It was at that moment that Doctor Gilbert came into the room. "Hi Sean, I'm Doctor Gilbert. Do you mind if I have a look at you?" "Hi Doctor." He replied and I backed away from the bed to give them some space. I withdrew into a corner of the room and called John to ask that they bring Sean's trophy with them when they came to see him. "How is he Eric?" asked John with genuine concern. "Confused, but all in all, I'd say he's OK. He doesn't remember any of it...he was dreaming about... other things the whole time and that's probably a good thing. There won't be a great deal of mental trauma for him to get over. We'll be here a couple more days it seems until the Doctor gives him the all clear and then we can head for home. I've been thinking I'm going to let you and the Professor fly back; I'm going to rent a car and drive home with Sean. We'll split the trip up into two...maybe three days...it'll give us time to talk and I'll make the trip fun for him." ********** I was walking down the hall toward Sean's room having taken a break to grab a hamburger and make a couple of phone calls. There was the sound of laughter coming through the door and as I entered the room John, Doc Swaim and Doctor Gilbert were sitting around the bed and they were all laughing. "Can I get in on the joke?" I asked as I crossed over to the bed. Doctor Gilbert pointed to Sean's trophy which had been on display in his room since the Professor brought it by for him to see yesterday. "Sean was just telling us that this was his favorite trophy that he never remembered winning." We all laughed this time. "Well little man" I said as I ruffled his now clean and shinning hair "I found out yesterday that there is a video of the whole race. It's being delivered to me tonight and we can watch it together and cheer. I understand the kid that wins it is terrific." That earned me a dazzling "Sean smile" and chuckles from everyone else in the room. "Has Doctor Gilbert given you the good news yet?" I asked. "I have not, I've been waiting for you to get back but, now that you're here..." he turned and looked directly at Sean. "I've done all the tests I need to do, your cough has just about gone away completely, you're eating like a normal little boy...AND today you've done the most important thing as far as hospitals are concerned." "What did I do today that's so important Doctor?" he asked wide eyed. "You went poop of course...we never let people out of the hospital if they haven't gone poop...why, there was this kid a couple of years ago up on the fifth floor that just wouldn't poop for us. He was 12 when he came in here and we couldn't let him go until he was 15 and FINALLY he went..." "Doctor Gilbert you're foolin!" "Well, actually only about that last part...anyway the news for you is tomorrow morning we're going to discharge you. You're outta here big guy." "I gedda go home? Really?" and then he looked at me apprehensively "I'm going home with you right Eric?" "Of course you're going home with me silly! Where else would you go?" he looked at me but he didn't say anything but his smile returned only to be quickly replaced by a large yawn. "Well, I'll leave you to say goodnight and I'll see you one more time in the morning Sean." "Nite Doctor Gilbert." "We should be going as well" said the professor indicating himself and John. "We're flying back in the morning and we'll take this big trophy with us so it will be waiting for you when you get back Sean." "Why aren't we all flying back together?" Sean asked with a look of great concern. "Because you and I are going to drive back little man. I figured we'd take two or three days and make a little vacation out of it OK?" "Kay...that sounds cool Eric." I noticed that he was fighting to keep his eyes open. I reached for the control and lowered his bed so that he was reclining and I pulled the blanket up to cover him. As I glanced down at him I saw that he was sleeping. Before I returned to my hotel suite, I stopped off at the nearest mall and picked up a couple pair of jeans, a couple pair of shorts, some underpants and socks. All though I had his gym bag and his overnight bag from the sports complex, I didn't want him wearing anything that reminded me of that terrible week end. Back in the hotel, John and the professor joined me for drinks out on the balcony. We were looking at a state map and planning out an interesting route for my drive with Sean. "You know, when I was a kid my father took me here.." he was pointing to a spot on the chart "and we went on a whale watching cruise. It was great...I loved it!" "That's actually a wonderful idea.' The professor chimed in "It will be exciting and educational and I still think that nothing gets the heart pumping and the blood churning quite like sea air. This time of year, the humpbacks are still in mid migration and so you should get to see a good number of them as well as the mandatory dolphins and orcas. You should do it Eric." I studied the map a bit longer and then said; "Look at this...I think this will be great. If we head out east and up into the mountains, we'll be in the National Park by late afternoon. We could spend the night there and all of the next day. The following morning I could cut southwest and be here in Santa Anunciacion in the early afternoon. We can take a whale watching cruise and spend the night there by the ocean and make it back home the next day without even pushing it. >From the mountains to the sea in one short trip. Great idea guys...how about one more round and then good night?" ************** The hospital had all of the paper work ready for my signature when I got there in the morning. After signing everything they required, I took the elevator up to Sean's floor. He was sitting up chatting with Chandra his day nurse and he flashed me a gigantic smile when he saw me enter the room. I handed him a bag that I'd put a change of clothes in. "I thought you might like to wear these. That hospital gown you're wearing is snazzy and all but...to tell you the truth your butt hangs out the back." "Aww it's a very cute butt Mr. Turner!" Chandra laughed and patted Sean's shoulder. "You get dressed honey and I'll be right back. I know Doctor Gilbert is planning on seeing you both before you leave." "Were you able to shower this morning Sean?" "Uh huh. Nurse Chandra had to stand outside the door while I did it though I guess they think I'm gonna fall down or something." He was out of bed and standing naked going through the bag sorting out the clothes I brought him. He fished out the underpants and was stepping into them as he spoke. "Know what else?" "What else Sean?" "I made sure I pooped again this morning an I made sure Nurse Chandra knew it...I'm not taking any chances getting stuck here." I chuckled but tried not to be too obvious about it. Doctor Gilbert walked in just as Sean was pulling on his dark blue polo shirt. "Well, I see you're determined to leave us eh young man?" "You bet Doctor Gilbert! You're a neat Doctor and everybody here is nice but I want to get back home." "Well, I don't blame you one bit Sean. Eric, I've forwarded all of the records from this visit to your personal medical people and I've written some cautionary instructions for you just in case something unusual should occur." He handed me a thick envelope and then shook my hand. Turning to Sean he shook hands and said; "You're a wonderful brave young man and it has been my pleasure to be you physician these past days. I wish you a safe trip home and a wonderful life and now...here is Nurse Chandra with your chariot." The large black nurse had entered the room with a wheel chair. "Hop on honey and I'd ride you down to the door." "How come I gotta ride in a wheel chair Doctor Gilbert? I thought you said I was all right?" "Oh you're fine Sean it's just a hospital rule. You can't be discharged if you don't ride out on a wheel chair." Sean thought about it as he sat down in the chair. "Oh...it's like how you haffta poop first huh? Boy you sure got some silly rules about getting outta this hospital Doctor." ********** An hour later we were cruising down the road in the red Cadillac Escalade I'd obtained for the trip. I glanced over and saw that he'd fallen asleep. The Doctor had warned me he would be sleeping a lot the next few days `sedation is not really sleep' he'd explained. I didn't care, it would be a boring drive until we got to the foothills anyway and this gave me the opportunity to look at him. In just two days, his color had begun to come back and the black circles around his eyes had almost disappeared. I glanced up ahead. The sky was a blazing blue and the road before us was open and straight. (To be continued) Thanks for the landslide of emails following chapter 21. I'm glad the vast majority of you seem to have enjoyed it. In the next chapter Eric and Sean will visit the mountains and then the ocean. Sometime during the trip Sean will share something important with Eric.