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Earth, As it is in Heaven
By: Roman Genesis
Everything That Matters
It had seemed like the perfect idea. The homecoming dance was coming up fast and I knew I had to go with Sebastian, even if we did have the facade of female dates. When we told Shannon, she absolutely loved the idea. Almost the instant we told her, she made this plan where she could be Sebastian's "date" and I could bring Vanessa.
We would double date before the dance and then hang out afterwards. We had the perfect plan and now there was only one thing in the way...
"Look, it won't be that bad." I said it quickly, hoping I could change her mind before she got her mind set against me. Once Vanessa had her mind set on something it took an act of god to stop her. This was definitely going to be harder than I thought.
"No way," she said. "We're going with the team and that's final."
I looked off down the hallway and caught the last glimpse of Mike before he rounded the corner. Even if I could convince Vanessa, I still would never live it down when Mike found out. Mike and I had gone to the dance last year and that was all he could talk about for a month afterwards.
"I'm sure the team wouldn't mind. Maybe we could hang out with them after the dance."
"Trevor, what the hell is wrong with you?" Vanessa had a look in her eye that I had never seen before. There was some sort of anger deep down inside her that I never knew existed. "You just met this guy like a week ago and now you want to double date to the homecoming dance with him!"
People who were walking by in the hallway were stopping and staring now. Vanessa was calling more attention to us than I would have liked. We were going to have to continue this conversation at a later date. "Okay," I said. "We'll talk about this later."
"No, we won't," she said back quickly. "I've made my decision Trevor McClain. We're going with the football team." She stared at me a while and I found I couldn't bring my eyes to meet her gaze. She really knew how to make me feel weak. "Good," she said. "I'm glad we got that settled." She turned around and started to walk away.
"Bitch," I muttered to myself.
Vanessa suddenly spun around in the middle of the hallway and stormed right back up to me. "What was that?"
"It better have been nothing. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, but I don't like it one bit." She leaned in finally to make our conversation a little more private. "Don't fuck with me." Her eyes were burning with rage and I found my hand was shaking by my side.
She turned back around and started to walk
away as the bell rang. I couldn't move though. Vanessa had
never treated me like this before. We had our rough times, but she
was never this flat-out hateful. My hand was still shaking so I clenched
it into a fist. As much as wanted to put Vanessa in her place, I
knew I couldn't. She had the reins of this relationship.
I walked into the back cafeteria and scanned quickly for Sebastian. A lot of people looked up at me when I walked in. I didn't usually eat back here and they were probably surprised to see me. It was a known fact that the "cool" people in school sat up in the front cafeteria.
I spotted him over by the window and I quickly went over to him. It had been Sebastian's idea to eat back here. I got the feeling he didn't really like the guys on my team. I sat down and he looked up from his book. "Hi," he said with a giant grin.
"Hi Sebastian." I took my lunch out and began to eat it.
"What's wrong?" he quickly asked. I looked at him and studied his face carefully. Once again he could detect something was wrong with me as hard as I tried to hide it.
"Oh, it's just Vanessa again." I looked out the window at the clear winter day outside. There didn't seem to be a cloud in the sky and the woods outside were covered in a thick blanket of snow.
"She didn't like the idea?"
"No. She informed me that we're going with the football team and that was final. God, she really scared me. I've never seen her act that way before." Sebastian's eyes fell down to his book again vacantly. I could tell he wasn't excited by the news. "Hey," I said leaning over. I almost reached over to put my hand on his, but I had to stop myself. "I'm going to talk to her again. I think we can make it work."
"I hope so," he said. He looked out he window at the white scenery. I began to detect that there was something else bothering him. Sebastian had never cared for my teammates. I suddenly thought of something.
"You've never been to any of my games," I said, beginning to eat again. "Your brother said he goes sometimes. Why don't you go with him to our next game?" Sebastian didn't answer and I had to look up to see if he was paying attention. He was still looking out the window and it appeared that he hadn't heard the question.
"Sebastian," I said, trying to get his attention.
"I heard you," he said. He continued to look out the window and he didn't appear to be getting ready to answer the question.
"Okay," I said. I was about to put my sandwich to my mouth again, but instead I just looked down at it. Sebastian seemed to be upset with me and I began to feel depressed. It seemed that every time I talked to Sebastian I was walking on thin ice. I had to be extra careful not to say something that would upset him.
"I never told you why I transferred into your Algebra class," he said slowly. I looked up and saw that he was still staring out the window, some vacant look upon his face, his eyes seeing everything and nothing at the same time.
"No," I replied.
He took a moment before he continued. He wasn't sure how or if to tell me. "There were two boys from your team in my first Algebra class." His eyes scanned back and forth across the landscape out the window, searching for the buried memory. "It started out as just a little joke. They would call me names and make little comments. I just ignored them at first."
I couldn't believe Sebastian was telling me this. It pained him so much and I could tell he was ashamed of the incident. My eyes began to get glassy as I continued watching him. "I thought they would eventually stop, but it just got worse. Once my grades began to slip in the class I knew it was time to get transferred out."
He finally turned his head and looked directly into my eyes. "And I walk into class and I see their captain sitting right there watching me critically." When he said this, it hit me all at once and everything made sense. Everything from why he had left lunch when the whole team followed me to his table to when he had come into my Algebra class and requested not to sit next to me. The poor guy probably thought he had gone from one type of hell to another.
"Oh my god," I muttered. His eyes once again left mine and he resumed his inattentive stare out the window. "I had no idea Sebastian," I said quickly. I had no idea what to say to him, but I just wanted him to know how sorry I was.
"It's not your fault," he said. Suddenly, he turned his gaze back to me and I felt him move his foot under the table so it was resting against mine. "And besides, it doesn't matter anymore." A weak smile crossed his face and I knew he was trying to push the memory away.
As he did though, I became angry. "Who was it?"
"Who were the kids who had made fun of you." I wasn't even attempting to suppress to anger in my voice. I wanted to kill whoever had done this to Sebastian, my love and my life.
"Trevor," he said, pleading. "I told you it doesn't matter anymore." I knew he really wanted to let it go so I looked out the window and tried to calm myself. After a while I realized that it really didn't matter. Kids in high school were going to continue enforcing the social order no matter what I did. It was just the way they were.
"Do you have work tonight?"
"Yeah," I said, snapping out of my trance. "I should get out by eight o'clock though."
"Okay." He suddenly remembered something. "Hey, I want to show you something before work if there's time." Another smile crossed his face that absolutely melted my heart.
I smiled back and said, "Okay," and we both
finished our lunches before the bell rang.
"I'll be back in about twenty minutes," Sebastian called into the house as he stepped out of the doorway, pulling his coat around him.
"Are we going somewhere?" I asked him curiously, my words forming in a cloud in front of my face. He tried to control the grin that was about to break out on his face and instead leaned over and kissed me gently. The warmth of the kiss on my cold lips sent shivers down my spine.
"Let's go. We don't have much time," he said, pulling away. He walked off down the walkway and I followed closely behind. We walked down the street for a while before he asked, "So, have you talked to Vanessa again?"
"No," I answered softly, pushing my hands deeper into my coat pockets. "I was thinking I'd call her after work."
"Oh." We continued walking in silence and I kept glancing over at Sebastian. It appeared that he was debating in his mind whether to ask me something. "Trevor, can I ask you a question?"
He was silent for a while, once again trying to form the question in his mind before speaking it. "What's the deal with you and Vanessa?"
The question took me off guard and I had to repeat him to make sure I hadn't been hearing things. "Vanessa?"
We continued walking down the street toward the roundabout and I thought about the question Sebastian had just asked me. Now that I stopped and really thought about it, I didn't know what the deal with me and Vanessa was. These days, we never got along and I think any other couple would have split up by now under the same circumstances. "We were freshmen sweethearts," I finally replied.
"Oh, I see." He didn't seem to like my answer so I went on.
"That was way back though. Back before she fell in love with the captain of the football team and out of love with Trevor McClain."
"Was it really love?" Sebastian asked, as we made our way up to the house at the end of the street. It looked like we were going to visit whoever was home.
I thought about Sebastian's question and suddenly realized that it was never about love with Vanessa and I. As much as I tried to convince myself it was love, deep down I knew I was lying to myself. "It was more like obligation now that I think about it," I said more to myself than to Sebastian.
I stopped when we got to the front of the house, but Sebastian began walking across the snow on their lawn before turning to see that I had stopped. "Come on," he insisted, and began trekking through the snow toward the side of the house.
"You know who lives here?" I asked.
"No, we're just cutting through." I looked down at my watch and saw that I only had an hour before work. I didn't have much time.
"It's not far, is it?" I asked.
"No," Sebastian called back. "Just a little further." I continued to follow him and I found that the trail between the houses dumped right into the woods. We must have taken a back way into one of the many parks in the area.
"Hey, this is cool," I said as I followed him down the path that lead deep into the woods. "How did you find this place?"
"I don't know. I just stumbled across it one day." I caught up to him on the path and realized that we were going in pretty far. I looked back and realized that we were all alone, far away from the prying eyes of civilization. I took my hand out of my coat pocket and reached over and took Sebastian's hand.
He looked at me curiously when I did, but then he smiled in acceptance. I tried to stop so I could kiss him again, but he pulled me onward. "Just a little further," he said.
We continued walking hand in hand through the snow covered woods, our every breath forming in a cloud in front of us. The silence was broken only by the crunching of our feet in the snow and the occasional pecking of some woodpecker further in the woods. The place was really beautiful. The ground was an endless field of white, with the trucks of dead trees covered a thin film of frost, jutting from the earth. I looked up and through the dead branched I could see the cloudy sky just waiting to let more snow fall on this winter wonderland.
Sebastian led me to the side of the path we were on and we began walking deeper into the woods. "I hope we don't get lost," I said.
"We won't. I've been down here a million times before." The woods were getting thicker and thicker and soon we were maneuvering over the skeletons of dead bushed. A few minutes later, I began to hear the sound of running water and Sebastian led me into an open area that contained huge rocks covered in snow. I looked down and saw a small stream running across the landscape, cutting into the earth.
"Oh my god," I muttered when I saw the place. It was absolutely the most beautiful place I had ever seen. Sebastian let go of my hand and walked out on the rocks and jumped down beside the stream. I followed him over the rocks and saw that the very edge of the stream had turned to ice and only the very center still flowed.
"Welcome to my little piece of heaven," Sebastian said. He finally turned around and I walked right up to him. "Our little piece of heaven." I looked deep into his eyes and smiled. This was the best gift he could have given me. It was our own little place far away from earth and from other people.
I watched Sebastian carefully. The fog from his tiny breathes filled the air between us and he continued to smile. I leaned over and right before my lips got to his I froze. I let the sound of the flowing stream fill my heart and let the fact that we were completely alone and free here sink in. It couldn't get any better than this. I leaned in the rest of the way and allowed my lips to connect with his. I let them run back and forth over his before taking hold and kissing him softly. His mouth parted ever so slightly and I got up right next to him and let me tongue slowly slip out of my mouth and taste his.
Sebastian leaned back against one of huge rocks and I leaned up against him, pressing my hips against his. My mind was racing with a million thoughts, every single one of them about Sebastian. Here, in this place, he and I were the only things that mattered. Our hearts and minds became the embodiment of a single person. Sebastian was the person who filled my soul and made me feel alive.
I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer, but as close as we became, it was never enough. "Sebastian," I whispered through our passionate kisses. He didn't hear me though. Our bodies were moving together, sliding past one another. His hands were roaming across my back and down over my butt. Sebastian lifted his head up and my mouth moved down to his neck, kissing and licking. I was no longer in control. My body was moving on it's own.
Sebastian finally pushed off of the rock he was leaning against and I was forced to step away. His eyes seemed to be on fire, burning with a passion I had never seen in them before. I wanted him so bad. I was about to step back up to him when he said, "What time is it?"
I glanced at my watch and muttered, "Oh shit." I was definitely going to be late for work. "I need to get going Sebastian." I was panicking and looking around for anything I might have brought with me. Sebastian giggled playfully when he saw me in distress.
"Do you remember how we got here?" he asked me.
"Yeah," I said, looking over at him. "Aren't you coming back with me?"
"No," he said, sitting down on one of the rocks and looked down at the tiny stream moving by. "I think I'll stay here for a while."
"Okay," I said. I walked over to him and kissed him again quickly. "I'll call you after work."
"All right," he said and smiled. I rushed
over the rocks and leaped over the skeletons of the deed bushes.
Before I got to the path though I looked back. I could see the tiny
form of Sebastian sitting atop the huge rock starring at the water below
him. He was motionless and contemplative. He appeared so tragic
just sitting there by himself in our little piece of heaven. I pushed
the thought out of my head and rushed off down the path to hopefully not
be too late for work.
My boss hadn't been upset that I was late for work and she even let me go home early because we were having such a slow night. I wasn't looking forward to going home though, because there was something I had to do that scared me to death.
I took a deep breath and began to dial Vanessa's number. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do this. A woman answered, "Hello?"
"Hello, is Vanessa there?"
"Oh Trevor, how are you?" Vanessa's mom liked me a lot and that was one of the main reasons I had stayed with Vanessa for so long I think. Guilt can be a powerful thing.
"I'm pretty good Mrs. Silvers."
"Let me get Vanessa for me." She put me on hold and I sat on my bed holding the receiver for a while. I was getting really nervous and I just prayed that this would work.
"Hello Trevor," she said.
"Hey honey. What are you up to tonight?" My voice was shaking, but I don't think she knew it.
"I'm going out with Rebecca tonight," she replied. I tried to think of the last time we had gone out and I suddenly realized it hadn't been since Nathan's party. No wonder she was getting so upset with me.
"Hey, look. I was thinking about our conversation today and I really think we should go to the homecoming dance with my friend. I promised him we could double date."
There was silence on the other end of the phone and I was getting pretty scared now. I looked down at my hand and realized it was shaking. I felt like I was going to throw up. Why did Vanessa make me feel like this? "Trevor," she said slowly. "I thought we finished this conversation. Look, if it means so much to him, why don't you invite him to come with the team?"
She didn't understand. There was no way Sebastian was going to hang out with my teammates. "Vanessa, please," I insisted. "I don't usually ask favors from you. Could you please go along with this? For me?"
Vanessa let out a huge sigh before saying, "Fine. Whatever." And then, she hung up. I put the phone back on the hook and smiled. It may not have been the agreement I was looking for, but it was agreement nonetheless.
I could go to the dance with Sebastian!