Date: Mon, 02 Aug 2004 14:02:02 -0400
From: Jim Reeve <jimithingx06x@hotmail.com>
Subject: My Love Story- Chapter 4

I mashed on the brakes as I sped too quickly into a parking space right
outside the front doors of my dormitory.  I saw Alex's car, and I stormed
through the front lobby causing a few stares from annoyed receptionists and
students.  I didn't give a shit.  I walked to the elevator and when the
doors opened I sort of punched the button to take me to my floor.  Once the
doors open, a lot of loud music entered my ears.  Since it was the weekend
and there was a social going on, curfew would be extended to 12:00.  Many
doors were wide open with rap or hip-hop music blaring from inside.  I could
see from all the girls that many guys were successful in sneaking girls up
and into their rooms.  A lot of familiar faces called me into their dorms as
I walked by asking me to join them, but I ignored them and continued to
storm toward my room.

Once I got to my door I slipped the key in pretty quietly as not to be heard
by Alex and the girl he had with him.  Once the lock clicked, I threw the
door open pretty quickly and walked through the small doorway in the back to
where the bedroom was.  Alex sat straight up in bed, and seemed to be
surprised to see me.  He looked upset to have been interrupted, and I was
pretty startled by what I saw.

Alex was lying in my bed, face up at the ceiling with his hands crossed
behind his head.  The girl was lying in his bed in the same position.  They
looked a lot like Alex and I often did as we chatted before bed or in
between classes.  I looked at them both for a second and they looked back at
me.  It didn't appear that they had hurriedly put their clothes back on, and
by the state of the neatly made beds it didn't seem they had sex at all.  I
was still furious.

"I hope you too are done."  I said with disgust in my voice, making it
obvious I thought they were having sex.  "Because I'm damn tired."  They
just continued to look at me; the girl seemed to be examining me pretty
close.  "So get the hell out."  I said.

"Relax Shea."  Alex said standing up and putting a hand on my shoulder.  I
knocked it off.  He looked really confused.  "This is Carly.  She's... a
friend."

"My ass."  I said pulling my shirt off and throwing it on the floor.  "Sorry
to break this up."  I said falling onto my bed.

"Nice to meet you, Shea."  Carly said to me in a sweet sing-song voice.  "I
think you have a beautiful name."  Her eyes gazed down at me, locking me
into a stubborn gaze.

I paused for a moment, and then shook her hand, weakly and briefly.

"Nice to meet you, Carly."  I said showing my un-enthusiasm.

"What the hell is your problem?"  Alex said, stepping towards me.

"I asked you to leave."  I said rolling over and turning off the lamp on the
nightstand that separated our beds.  "Sorry if you didn't get a chance to
finish before I sent you out."  I said as they turned to leave.

I was fighting really hard not to break down right there and cry.  The tears
were welling up and it felt like they were going to burst out at any moment.
  As they walked out I stuffed my head into my pillow and began to cry,
loudly.  Alex stopped and turned towards me.

"Shea...?"  He said, but I ignored it and stifled my cries.

For much more of the night, before I fell asleep, I cried silently into my
pillow.  I felt so upset with myself and him.  Upset because I mistreated
Alex and Carly.  Even more so for being afraid to tell him how I felt.  I
hated myself that night, and I hated God for making me gay.  I wanted to be
like everyone else.  I was sick of lying up at night praying to God that the
next day I'd finally find someone to be with.  Even if I didn't fall in love
right then at that point in my life, I wanted someone to share my current
life with.  A boyfriend; even if it would end in break-up.  Everyone else
got that, even a lot of gay teenagers, but I didn't and I hated it.  I felt
so alone and so isolated.

About half an hour after he had left, Alex came back into our room.  He
walked over to my bed and whispered my name, but I pretended to be asleep.
He sat on the edge of my bed and put his hand on me.  He rubbed it over my
back, as if consoling a weeping child.

"I'm sorry."  He whispered into the black night.  "I'm sorry, Shea."

He went to his bed, and looked around for something.  Obviously not finding
what he was looking for, he pulled off his pants and crawled into bed with
only his briefs on.  He rolled over and watched me for a minute, and then he
closed his eyes and went to sleep.


***

The next morning was gruesome.  I woke up after what should have been the
best night of my life, feeling like crap.  My head pounded and my eyes hurt.
  It was a weird thing that happened to me when I was under stress.  I sat
up slowly, as not to aggravate my headache, and swung my legs over the side
of the bed.  My comforter twisted around my waist and lower stomach and I
struggled to remove it.  Alex was awake and laughed a little to see me fight
with an inanimate object.

"Good morning, Shea."  He said quietly, still tired.

"What's good about it?"  I snapped, standing up and crossing the room.  "I'm
having a sauna."  I added in a tone that told him he was unwelcome.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.  I opened the large shower
door and flipped the shower heads to scolding hot; then, I stepped outside
of the shower and closed the door.  I slid my briefs down and examined
myself in the mirror.  Rowing had done wonders to me this season.  I was
finally getting the more muscular body I had eagerly awaited since puberty
started a few years ago.  My strong defined pecks gave way to a beautifully
sculpted eight pack, which melted down to my cock.  I trimmed my unwanted
pubic hair quite often, and I knew Alex did the same so I wasn't embarrassed
by it.  We also both often shaved some of our un-needed body hair, but I
kept my little line of hair from belly-button to groin.  Alex said he liked
it.  It felt good to have my cock hanging freely, especially when I stepped
into the steamy shower.  I sat on the bench, enjoying the warmth enveloping
my body and cradling me softly in a warm caress.  I sat there for awhile
thinking about Alex.  I looked down at my cock; it was something to be proud
of.  Five inches soft and seven inches hard.  It wasn't massive, but I
didn't want it to be.  The steam in the room seemed to almost tickle me as
it whirled around my body.  The sauna was usually a sensual place for me to
jack off but I was feeling pretty down today.

Without warning, Alex came through the shower door and sat down on the
bench, next to me.  I gazed, as he walked in, at his cock, swinging back and
forth.  Alex was about four inches soft and I had never seen him hard, so I
didn't know how big he was.  As he walked, his cock was so close to my face,
I fought getting aroused by focusing on why I was mad at him.  When he sat
on the small bench, his thigh touched mine from his butt to his knee.  I
thought harder of why I was mad at him.  He leaned back against the wall and
let his stomach flex showing his hard six-pack.  I stared ahead trying to
look angry.

"Shea, we gotta talk about what was bothering you last night."  Alex said,
looking at me expecting an answer for my rudeness.

"There's nothing to talk about."  I said, standing and walking out.

I walked to my dresser, pulled on some clothes, grabbed my keys, and left
before Alex even got out of the shower.  I drove out to breakfast and ate a
massive amount of food.  Then I went to see a movie, choosing to "forget"
about mass.  It was depressing sitting through the movie all alone.  Usually
I would have been with Alex.  I couldn't even figure out why I was so upset.
  Though I felt like Alex was leading me on, it could have all just been my
wishful thinking.  I didn't have the right to expect that he would be mine
and no one else's.

Even after I came to this conclusion, it took a couple of days for me to
swallow my pride, admit I was wrong, and talk to Alex.  I knew I had to, but
I kept putting it off.  So for a couple of days things were different then
they had been ever since we arrived at school.  I went to class alone, and
steered away from Alex at meal times.  On Monday night I went to my final
crew practice where we debriefed about the season.  After getting home I
enveloped myself in my studies and ignored Alex when he came in from
lacrosse.  I pretended not to hear him as he made futile attempts to talk to
me and ask what was wrong.  I spent a lot of time playing my guitar to.  I
like to sing and write.  I distracted myself with my music in order to
forget about my anger.  Before bed I just rolled toward the wall when he
told me goodnight.

I knew how petty and childish I was acting, but I would feel like an idiot
asking him to accept my apology when he didn't even know why I was upset.
I was being selfish, and I didn't like myself for feeling that way.  The
argument seemed like it would blow up on Wednesday night; I could tell Alex
was loosing his patience.

It started like all of the previous days leading up to it.  But it would end
as one of the most emotional days of my life.  I rolled groggily out of bed
at 8:00 am.  I crossed the room to the bathroom and stood under the shower
for a short time, then went to my dresser and got dressed.  Down at
breakfast I sat with some members of my crew team.  I ate only a little bit
of food and then headed back to my dorm to get some books and supplies for
U.S. History.  Alex was in the room.  I walked passed him and got my things,
quietly, then returned to the door.  Just as I opened it, Alex pushed it
shut from behind me.

"I'm sick of this bull-shit, Shea."  He said.  "Will you grow up and tell me
what's wrong?"

I looked down at my feet, ashamed that I had made this such an issue, even
though it wasn't a big deal at all.  I looked up, opened the door, and left,
once more lacking the courage to tell him.  He seemed to give up for the
time being and let me go.  As I walked to class I thought hard about the
situation.

Alex didn't deserve to be treated like this.  I was acting like a child and
had no reason to justify it.  After all, most teenage guys wrestled around
and it was my fault for taking it as a signal.  If Alex wanted a girlfriend,
I'd just have to deal with it.  This certainly wouldn't change the fact that
I cared about him, or that I wanted to be with him, but I had to respect any
decision he made.  I would rather be his friend than nothing.  Now I had to
think of how to tell him.  I couldn't just come right out and say I was gay.
  But then again, there was little other choice.  I decided I'd go into the
whole thing cautiously, waiting for any red flags that might signal me not
to go any further.  I would have to be subtle at first and then tell him
towards the end of the conversation.  Maybe I could even lie my way out,
make him think I was just bothered by him bringing a girl up without me
knowing... no.  That wouldn't work.  And like I said, he didn't deserve to
be lied to.  I hesatated a bit as the large building where my History class
was came into view.  After a moment I clenched my free fist and turned back
to the dorm.  Alex would still be there.  A little perspiration formed on my
palms.


I entered the dorm room after stopping for a minute outside the door and
collecting my thoughts.  I walked in and found Alex laying on his bed and it
looked like he had been crying.  I walk over and he sat up.  I sat on the
opposite side of the bed and began to talk.

"Alex... you're my best friend.  We know each other better than anyone else,
but there's something I haven't told you.  You only really know half of who
I am."  It's hard to describe how nervous I was at this point.  I thought I
was about to loose my best friend in the world.  "So, what I need to tell
you is..."  My voice trailed off and I couldn't find the strength to
continue.  He leaned in and put a hand on my shoulder.

"It's O.K., Shea."  He said in a soothing voice that gave me confidence.
"Nothing you can tell me will change the friendship that we have.  I care
about you a lot.  You know that."  He gently squeezed his stung hand around
my shoulder.

It seemed as though the whole world stood still as I breathed in the thick
air to let out my words to Alex.  Everything was still and quiet, as if life
itself was on the cusp of my realization of what was about to happen.

"I'm gay Alex."  I said simply, already feeling tears welling up in my eyes.
  "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."  I continued feeling as though I had
done something wrong.  "I wanted to so bad.  Ever since I met I've cared so
much about you and I've wanted to be with you.  And then, when I saw you
with that girl I just assumed the worse and I blew up.  I'm so sorry I
treated you like that, neither of you deserved it.  I just had everything
that had ever happened between us built up in my mind as if you were giving
me signals.  So I was so sure I would have you... and when I found out I
wouldn't I just broke down.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  Oh, Alex,"  I
said gazing longingly into his eyes, trying to grasp from his look what he
was thinking.  "I couldn't take it anymore.  I don't want to be like this.
I just am."  I sighed and then took a deep quivering breath as I waited for
his response.

Tears were flowing freely now and I looked up and thought I saw some in his
eyes as well.  I decided to continue with my explanation.

"Say something, Alex."  I said pleadingly.  "I didn't mean to make you
upset.  Please forgive me.  I... didn't know how to tell you.  And I was
going to tell you before the regatta and then none of this would have
happened, but I just got scared and I didn't know what to -"

He interrupted me.  "Sorry Shea," he said, "But are you almost done."  I
looked at him, afraid of what he was thinking.

"Why?"  I asked

"Because," Alex replied simply and lovingly.  "There's something I've wanted
to do for a long time."  He touched his strong palm to my cheek and began to
lean his face into mine.  His powerful scent washed over my as I shut my
eyes allowing his beautiful face come in closer to mine.  I could feel the
presence of his lips close to me before they had even reached mine.  There
seemed to be a current between us that caused me to shiver.  Finally, his
soft lips reached mine and held them in a sweet kiss for a few short
seconds.  When he pulled away we both opened our eyes a bit and stared
longingly into one another's eyes.

"I... I- "  I muttered, trying to find words to cross my blessed lips.

"You've said enough." He said laughing, pressing his index finger to my
mouth.

The tears came even harder now and I pressed my face into his chest and
cried harder than ever.  All of the pain and anger and fright were taken
away from me in those short seconds.  Months of secrecy and all along the
feelings I felt for him were mutual.  My heart felt light and my soul
soared.  It felt amazing to have my face buried safely in his bosom, and to
have his strong arms holding me to close to his body.  We sat like that for
a long time and soon the sun went down.  Alex had to leave for lacrosse only
when I insisted he go, telling him I'd be fine waiting until he got back.
Why wouldn't I be?

So when Alex returned my life seemed to come to full circle.  We sat up late
and talked.  I shared with him all of my deepest thoughts, fears, and
frustrations, as did he.  It turned out he had felt for me almost as long as
I had felt for him.  Before we slept we talked, and laughed and shared parts
of our lives we never could before.  I was so happy to be with him.

When we finally got too tired to continue our conversation, and after so
much information was shared there was little left to say, we decided to go
bed.  We pushed the two small twin beds together.  We both stripped down to
out briefs, and I crawled into the nest of blankets first.  Alex came in
after me cuddling up so his chest was pressed firmly against my back.  His
arms came around me and I held on to his hand as he pulled me close to him.
It seemed as though we pressed to tightly together we were one body.  I was
amazing to feel his warm breath on my neck, his strong arm under my cheek,
his hard torso stretched over my curved back.  I felt his crotch pressed
warmly against my butt, and it felt warm and pleasant.  His legs and mine
were tangled together at the bottom of our beds.  His smooth skin sent me
blissfully to sleep.  And soundly we both slept in one another's embrace.

It felt as though for the first time in my life, things were finally right.


Sorry this one took so long.

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