Play Maker
The Queen of Gay Romance”


If you are dumb enough to believe this story is true, please stop, shut off your computer and then go to the nearest mirror to repeatedly slap yourself back into reality. You'll thank yourself afterward, I assure you.

IF you are below the age of 18, please don't read the stories on here. Your presence jeopardizes those of us who do so legally.

Notes From Retta:

This story is written mostly as a retro piece. I intentionally made sure some prices were lower and I made sure the older stars were used in the piece. You need to realize this was written in the era of Bush I (around 1991). I did it from memory, so sue me if it's not completely accurate.

Important Note To My Readers

Here is the story about Chapter Twenty Six.

When this story was first written, I thought I was smart and put it on my Google Groups site for safe keeping.

Little did I know, but as I was uploading them onto the site, the chapters were either being made so they wouldn't be seen and people were getting error notices thinking the links were broken while the site was saying they were in storage and all was well.

The issue with Chapter Twenty Six is IT totally disappeared. I don't know where it went, and I can't tell you what was in it because this was written over a year ago and I've since written twelve more stories with probably a hundred or so chapters finished. Besides that, there are probably about fifty starts to stories which haven't seen the light of day yet...

What is cool is a lot of the way I write, the character summarizes what has happened in retelling it for everyone else's being brought up to speed.

Rather than guessing and rewriting it, I'm going to let him tell you by catching up to his day as it is....So, it's now about lunch time and he's had a busy morning.

Thanks for your patience, but you really didn't miss a lot. I'll update if it's needed, but so far, from what I've read, it's not bad.

Chapter Twenty Seven:

I went into the office and Jan said, “You made fast work of that!”

Really?” I turned and looked at the clock. It was shortly before noon. “Man! They got here early!”

She smiled, “It's always a good sign when they get here early. When's pay day?”

They send the checks the first day of the month. Since I signed before the first of November, the first checks will arrive around then.”

You're going to be in the money!”

Yeah, until everything picks up, I'll be making around forty six million a month.”

She whistled, “Jeez kid!”

The checks which will be rolling in for everyone else are going to be staggering. There'll be months when you're carrying about half a billion a month in checks to the bank...or I should say, my savings and loan!”

She chuckled, “There ya go!”

Man, just think about it. I'm talking about that much money like it's nothing.”

Well hon, you're rich! What do you expect?”

It doesn't seem like it.”

I know, but you handle it good.”

What're my appointments like?”

I told all the rest of them guys who want business handled today they're going to ride with you on your jet and it leaves at the latest at three o'clock. I told them to be safe and be here by two.”

Good. Now, I've got to go tell all these camera guys they've got to sort themselves out. Where'd ya put them?”

I sent them all down to the field. I figured you had such a crowd, we'd better put them where they'd all fit.”

I chuckled, “Ok, I'll wait for the man to get back up here with the buggy so I can hop a ride down.”

We need our own carts.”

I'll get them.”

She smiled, “Thanks. Make mine pink.”


Yeah, my favorite color.”

Oh, well, I learned something new about you. What shade?”

Hot pink. Tell them Neon Hot Pink.”

Ok, let me go order it.”

Here's the number.”

Damn, you're on the ball!”

Get yourself one too, they're cheap.”

I looked at the brochure. They were Rolls Royce golf carts. I chuckled, “You've got it”

I started to go into the office where Robbie was when I saw the man in there installing the window. I went over to the office where I'd been conducting business and used the phone there. I leaned out and asked, “Did you make those calls for those women?”

Yeah, your harem is due to arrive next Monday.”

Yeah, right!”

She chuckled

I dialed the number and ordered a blue one, pink one, red one, and a white one. I figured Chris would like the red and Grant would like the white.

When I was done, I went out and said, “The Pepsi man left me the card to get free eats, do you want some lunch?”

Dolly is bringing us up some lunch.”

Ok, am I hungry?”

She chuckled, “She said if you weren't you'd digest it the reverse direction.”

Oh! What am I in the mood for and please don't tell me polish sausage!”

She laughed, “No, you're in the mood for your pizza you told her about. She said she had to hunt high and low for the cheese, but she finally found it.”

Good, it sounds amazing.”

She's a keeper.”

Yeah, how are you guys getting along?”

She's moving in with me. We get along great.”

Good, I get along with my roomy too.”

My digs are decorated better.”

Madonna has to film a video in mine and then it'll be redecorated.”

When's that happening?”

I gotta call her and see. She said they were about to begin production.”

Do you want me to help redecorating?”

You can my bedroom. Jordan wants to have a go at the kitchen.”

What do you want?”

Are you going to begin sweating profusely if I tell you I want a really really heavy four poster canopy bed with some brocade paisley?”


I want dark browns and lots of gold embroidery.”

Ok, but it'll need a spotlight in there with the amount of light it'll suck up.”

That's ok, I want lots of pillows and feather mattresses. If you can get the pillows with feathers, it'll be a great big plus.”

What about the rest of the place?”

With that marble floor and everything, I know we'll need lots of material and rugs.”

I'm thinking oriental rugs and some real nice solid color heavy furniture.”

You'll want long couches. Jordan likes to lay down and watch television.”

How big of a television?”

You might go with a nice big one. Me, I don't really care, but I know he likes to watch the movie channels. You might also go with a movie sound system.”

Ok, I'll get it.”

All that matters to me is that once she does her video, that heart shaped bed gets gone. You don't know how many times I've rolled over and woke up because my legs are falling off the thing.”

It wasn't made to sleep in.”

I can tell that. I'm sure Jordan is having the same problem.”

What do you think of him?”

Nice guy.”

You don't feel an attraction?”

No, he's a good looking guy, but no real attraction.”

There's your buggy. I'll see you when you get done.”

Thanks. Tell Doll to save me some pizza.”

You're getting your own. No one else likes cracker thin crust.”

You all just don't know how to eat good pizza.”

It sounded good, but I don't like my pizza to crunch.”

I'll be back.”

I went out and said, “I need a ride down to the field. You might have maintenance bring up a buggy for Jan and get one down there for Dolly.”

I'll tell them. You don't have a radio?”

No, that's on my list of things to get, but my golf cart isn't going to be here for a week. By then, we'll all have our own, so we can get radios put on them. We might get a radio for up in the office though.”

I'll get one up there.”

We whizzed down to the field and he wheeled me out onto the turf. I saw the crews working on the removal of the endzone carpets.

I hopped off and said, “Guys, here's the deal. As you can see, there's a lot of you and only one of me. By contractual agreement and permission of everyone involved, we've came to the agreement we're going to let you guys hash it out and see who wants to work with me and who doesn't. That means, one camera man, one mic guy, one makeup person, and whatever else...”

The looked around and I said, “I'm sure you all know each other by reputation, so decide who is the best and all the rest of you excuse yourselves.”

Someone spoke up and said, “I'll do hair.”

Ok, I'll do makeup.”

A guy stepped forward and said, “Andy is the best cameraman I know, I'll step back.”

Several others agreed and they stood up. The guy who was Andy came out and said, “Well, I guess it's me!”

Good, now, how many does that leave us?”

Everyone began to leave and I was left with six people. I said, “Ok, let's get started and we'll do a couple of spots now. The way this will go is when we get a spot done, you guys use that clip and get it sent to whom it's supposed to go to. You might get the addresses from them before they leave in case someone from one place didn't stay.”

Andy said, “I know where to send them. How do you want to do this?”

The way I've got in mind is I'm going to do a walk through and you'll be filming. We work with natural light and other than that, you catch it the best you can.”

No sets?”

No, this is natural. I've heard the way I'm planning on doing this as described as being like Paul Harvey does his radio ads. I'll be doing the same thing only you'll be filming.”

Ok, that's pretty decent.”

I don't really care to have lots and lots of make up. I know you've got to have some in order to make me look like I'm alive, but I want you to be ready to get it off me just as soon as you can. That means I want something which comes off with soap and water.”

The make up girl stepped forward and said, “I'm Sue. I'll be doing that for you.”

The guy stepped forward and said, “I'm Clint. I'm your hair guy.”

I nodded and said, “Clint, here's what I want. If you can't do it, let me know and I'll get someone who can.”

What is it?”

Have you ever seen an Eagle's head?”


The way the feathers go back and sort of spike is how I want it. You think of Eagle and I'll be fine with it.”

Oh! That's going to be nice!”

I want a signature look. You can use a flat iron if you've got a wavy one, but don't go overboard with it.”

Do you want to get started on that now?”

How fast can you do it?”

It's going to take about an hour and a half.”

Do it while we're flying to Missouri. You guys are aware you're going to be on the road with me a lot, right?”

Yeah, we were wondering how the motel accommodations will be.”

Ummm, I hadn't thought that far. Let me call and see if they've bought a hotel yet?”

I called up to Jan. “Hey hon.”

Hi, who is on buying us a hotel?”

I believe that was Mike's chore.”

Any prospects yet?”

I don't know. Do you want me to call him?”

Yeah, I've got seven people down here. They all need suites.”

Ok, do you want me to book them one if we've not gotten something yet?”

See how long he's thinking it's going to take.”

Ok, let me get back with you on it as soon as I call him.”


I hung up and said, “You've all got suites coming if we don't have a hotel bought. If they do, then we'll go check it out and make sure it's suitable. I'd offer you bedrooms over at my place, but I can't stand living there myself. To give you a good idea what it's like, throw on some disco music and be expecting a porn to be filmed there because that's how bad it is.” Several people grimaced and I smiled, “Yeah, needless to say, I didn't decorate, but when it is decorated, I'm told I get what I want so it'll be nice.”

Andy said, “Jake, I'd like to do something if you don't mind.”


What I'd like to do is to have us all sit down and tell each other about ourselves. It'll get us to knowing each other and working as a unit.”


He went over and sat down. He put his elbows on his knees and said, “You start.”


Yeah, you're the star of this outfit.”

Oh. Well, I'm Jake Martin. I'm seventeen. I play football for the Angels and I bought the team last week. Since then, we've been undergoing a reorganization and it's picking up speed.”

I paused and he said, “Go on!”

I don't know what to say!”

How much money did you just sign on for?”



“They're all fifteen year contracts. I'm supposed to make fifteen million a year on each division of each company, but that's not how it'll work.

In the contracts, there's a bonus provision which states if the company makes more than two hundred million in a given year, I'm to be given that amount dollar for dollar in stock.

You know and I know that PepsiCo makes that now, so I'll get stock. Stein will be making that, so I'll get their stock too. Nestle' will be paying me the options which will be fifty percent of what they make until about three years from now when they'll crack that barrier. When they do, I'll go over to stock with them. Until then, I'll be getting checks monthly.”

He asked, “Who decides that amount?”

They're publicly traded companies. The reports they let out annually will decide what I either made or need to be adjusted to receive. They're not going to get out of it easily because I also get first rights to see their income tax filing before it's sent quarterly.”

Smart!” he said smiling.

General Motors will be paying me in stock, their show cars which are shown at car shows, and dealerships with my name on them...or the name I choose to go on them.

In regards to any future deals, I'll go into the same contractual arrangement, but you guys will be paid by them to do the work. That way, I'm not having to fight them to get you guys to stay on and they're not thinking they can tell you what to do.”

You got a sweet deal for us.”

It's pretty easy. We've got to film a lot per week, and I've got to do a bunch of radio ads. The print ads will be done with a white board and me in front of it. You'll film me and they'll edit it through their computers.”

How'd you arrange that?”

It was pretty much a guess thing. I winged it and they seemed fine with it.”

You did a bang up job for someone not being in the industry.”

Good. Now, let me tell you more about myself so you folks aren't freaked. The first thing I need to tell you is I'm gay. IF you can't deal with that, then go catch someone who is on their way out the door and get them back here in your place. Anyone uncomfortable with that?”

Andy smiled, “I've worked around enough and I think everyone else has to the point we're not worried about that. I'm sure some of us are.”

Good. If you've got a partner, or you're single, let me know so they can either travel with us, or they know your hours.”

What are our hours?”

The way it's supposed to go is I'm supposed to have mornings for interviews with local radio and promos. It's my guess a woman working for me will be on her way. She's supposed to be the best computer effects and graphics person around, so I certainly hope so. I know I sure dropped enough money to get her.”

Will she be having us do that film work?”

I don't know. IF she does, then I've got to pick up the tab for that work you do. Don't break my balls on it is all I ask.”

They all chuckled.

“In regards to things, I'm not a prima dona and I'm not someone who is a real swishy fag. I like guys but that don't mean I want to be a girl. I don't condemn those who are that way, but I sure don't want one in my life personally.”

Do you have someone?”

If you'd asked me that last night, I would've told you yes. That all changed this morning when I knocked him unconscious while he had a gun pointed at me. To be honest, he's laying up in my office right now hog tied and duct taped. He'll be going back to Missouri with us and he'll be told to either stay there or not have it so nice for him the next time he chooses to aim a gun at me.”

Why'd he aim a gun at you?”

It's a long story, but the short version is he was on our team. He was also my business partner. Thank God I didn't sign it halves into his name, because he found himself giving his girlfriend a ten minute goodbye kiss yesterday afternoon complete with groping and tongues down each other's throats up under a set of bleachers.

When he got confronted about it, he said he'd never broke it off with her and he got told it was done between us.

His second mistake was not staying in Missouri and bringing my jet this way so he could put me at gun point and attempt to force me to sign everything into his name.

Needless to say, he's a dumb ass and needless to say, he brought a pistol and I had a crystal football which got thrown to his forehead. He's now wearing a goose egg and if you were paying attention up there, you saw he did get a shot off by the broken window.”

You keeping him around?”

No. But, to be honest, it's a fuckin' mess. In my GM contract, I have them with first option on approval of who I can be with. I thought I was in safe water and didn't need a boyfriend, but I guess I'll jack.”

Everyone laughed.

In regards to personal lives. We're going to be around each other for the next fifteen years so you're going to be like family. I hope you like me because I plan on making that money and keeping my end of the contracts.”

What happens if you don't?”

IF I don't, I gotta pay them double what they were going to be paying me for the life of the contract. That means if I screw up today, I gotta make about six billion in order to break even. Needless to say, I'll jack before I even consider violating my pocketbook.”

You're making that much money?!”

I'm going to be making a helluva lot more. I don't know what you folks signed on at, but I certainly hope it was percentages.”

That's not the way it works.”

How does it work?”

I make a set amount of money and so does everyone else.”

Do you have a contract?”


You got fucked. You're making billions for them and I know it. That's why I decided to get my share.”

Do you want to negotiate our contracts for us when we come back up?”

Yeah, because the way I see it, you guys are all supposed to be making multiples of your contracts. You're working for a bunch of different companies, so they all should be paying you.”

Andy's eyebrows rose, “You're right!”

I know. So, we'll speak to them and we'll get you guys paid.”

He smiled, “I'll be happy with the multiples of my contract.”

Everyone else quickly agreed.

Good, I'll speak with them. Also, as a favor, let me know what kind of GM vehicle you want and I'll get it for you. IF the company won't give it, I'll get it through my dealer.”

You've got a dealer?”

Yeah, let me tell you about the investments I've got. That way I'm up front and you guys know.

In regards to all that, there's a bunch I'm half owner in I can't touch because that's all Grant's. Grant is my coach who was also my guardian. I'm like a son with him and the history with him goes back previous to be being born, so you know it was with my dad.

My parents were killed by a man ordering it done when I was three years old. I'll tell you about that in a moment, but my grandma raised me after she tried to get me to other relatives. No one wanted me, so she got me.

She also go the insurance money and their estate. She sold everything and invested the money. Those investments were in companies which were little that are now big. I've got Apple, Logitech, MCI/Worldcom Sprint, Intel and a bunch of others. Those are the big ones because they're percentages of the companies...most of them are in the ballpark of ten percent of the company.”

Eyebrows got raised.

Growing up, my grandma didn't tell me I was rich. She let me lead a normal life and I'm thankful for it. It wasn't until right before she died she let on I was financially capable of most things.

She got killed by two escaped convicts. They came in and stabbed her repeatedly. It wasn't pretty, but their trial will be coming up. So will the preacher who ordered my parent's deaths.

The way it went was my grandma died and Grant got guardianship. He was a real headache to live with and fortunately, my lawyer got me emancipated from him so I could do what I wanted.

Last Friday, I got that emancipation. As soon as it happened, I told my lawyer to look for a ball team. He found the Angels, so I bought them for three hundred and twenty five million.

What I got with the team wasn't much. It was pretty stripped, but the guy who owned it was an idiot and sold it to me with a promissory note which allowed me to devalue the value of the team by what I needed to buy for the team. Needless to say, I bought a lot of expensive stuff like jets and all sorts of other things.

Between us here, the guy who sold me the team thought I was an idiot. Before we made the deal, we made a bet. I bet him some of my stock and he bet me his assets totaling up to the billion I put on the line. The bet was I would win the game Sunday. Needless to say, I did, and now the fucker's gone missing.

I'll find him, but my lawyer has already gotten things moving into my name and what hasn't been moved over to me will be. In that mess, I got a cable company, some stocks, and a savings and loan. I'm not real impressed, but I'm not going to cry over it.

He was a piss poor manager, so now it's up to me to help pick up the pieces. That's taken a huge influx of cash into the savings and loan so I could make like I bought it's assets. It's a shell game, so I'm not out money. It's just me investing my money into the place so I can get it solvent.”

So you got an insolvent savings and loan?”

Yeah. The guy owned it and all the assets he had were in it. No one apparently wanted it, so he thought I'd be an idiot and lose it all to him and he'd have the money from my stocks to make it look good.”

Oh man!”

Everyone was suddenly smiling and laughing amongst themselves.

I started back up. “If you saw the bones of this place when I got it, you'd wonder how fast I can turn things around. I'd give you the tour, but Dolly probably won't like me being in her kitchens without her permission. Let's just say if you saw what I saw in there yesterday morning, you'd be gagging still right now.”

It bad?”

A four foot pile of partially cooked rats about eight foot in diameter.”

Everyone made faces.

Yeah, hot dogs, get your hot dogs! Now, guess where we found them? Up under those kettles they cooked the hot dogs in. There's a pipe chase where the steam pipes go and they were all in there. She said she pulled some down from the ceiling too.”

She pulled them out?”

She electrocuted them to death by slapping 220 to the pipes. They fried and died. Then she used a shop vac to get them out of the chase and I'm not sure how she got them from the ceiling. All I know is I sure don't wanna mess with her!”

Everyone laughed

One last thing before I shut up, but this has to stay between us. Ok?”

They nodded, “I have gifts. What I mean is I can touch you and I can tell your past, present, and future. I can tell things about you and I can tell about your significant people in your lives and about them too. I don't advertise it because I'm just learning what all I can do with it. I do know it's pretty decent, so I think it's cool.

Another gift I have is the ability to speed read books, contracts, and things and tell you where the flaws are and everything about the person who wrote it. That's how I know so much trash on famous people.”

How's that?”

Ok, for example, in the Library of Congress, they've got a lot of important documents. A bunch of them toured once and our school went to Jeff City to see them. I read the documents and instantly saw Thomas Jefferson's life, his love, his slaves, his plantation, and all he did and how he died. The same went for George Washington, Ben Franklin, Alexander Graham Bell, and those sorts of people. I could tell you things about them all which would just curl your toe nails.

Just the same, they're great people. I'm sure a lot of famous people have secrets they don't want out.”

I paused and said, “Has anyone seen me on television prior to this?”

Hands raised

Was it the interview where they showed my pecker? Or, the shows last night?”

Andy smiled, “Both.”

Well, you'll see me naked. It's not really that big, I don't think. I think they shot downward and it make it look bigger. At least that's what I hope because I saw it up there on the jumbotron and it looked six feet tall on that thing!”

Everyone laughed

Just the same, if it's huge, it's huge. If it's not, it's not. We don't get a choice on those things unless someone's figured out a way of doing it I don't know. Lord knows I've tried!”

Andy laughed, “Well, it worked!”

Everyone laughed

What's funny is I didn't know I was bigger than everyone until I got in the showers at school. Yeah, there are some guys who are packing and yes, I looked. What you'll find is I don't look at a dick and decide a guy is hot to me. I look at the person and decide if they're hot.”

Who is hot in your eyes?”

Chad from 'the Boys' is hot to me. I'm going to be on Saturday Night Live with them, so you'll get to see them.”

When's that?”

Thanksgiving weekend. We'll be up there on Wednesday and watching the Macy's parade. On Friday, we'll shop and see a Broadway play and then have rehearsal. On Saturday, it's the show, so I've got to be funny.”

They're having you star?”

Yeah, Lorne Michaels came down yesterday. Well, on Sunday night, a network big shot came down because he was afraid I'd sue them over my willy being shown. I told him I figured it got me a bunch of fans, so I'm not suing.

In the conversation, he found out I was interested in doing Saturday Night Live, so he called Lorne Michaels and we talked. He came down yesterday, and we talked, had lunch, and then he flew me to Washington to do Larry King.

Other than that, you know what I did today except I had to go over to the Stein distributorship and find a bunch of embezzlement in their books. Pete Stein is giving me the distributorship, so that's why I had to do that.”

So you got a distributorship because Pete Stein likes you?”

No! They were ripping us off here. I tried calling them and got told to go fuck myself. I called him and he came. We went over and I found a bunch of stuff which was bad there. He offered it to me and I told him I wouldn't take it until the problems were corrected. He got accountants and a bunch of people together and I went through the books and found the money missing for them.”

It sounds bad.”

It was, but now I've got a manager in there I trust, so it's good now.”

Hey Fuck face, Jan said your pizza is getting cold!”

“When did you get back?”

Just now. You're supposed to hurry up so we don't have to starve.”

Ok, I'll be up.”

I turned to everyone and said, “That's Chris. He's my best friend since we were little. He can talk to me that way, so he does. However, he'll talk sex stuff and when he does, I'll start talking it just to gross him out, so be prepared.

Now, let's go get some pizza.”

We all went up to the office and when we went in I went over and sat next to Chris. He was about to take a bite when I said, “I lost a used rubber, let me know if you find it.”

He started gagging, “Dammit!”

Everyone started laughing. I asked, “I thought you were hungry?! You better eat up! Just let me know if your pizza seems particularly chewy.”

He turned and glared at me. I smiled and said, “See? He takes things so personally!”

He pointed over his shoulder, “Shit head in there is back amongst the living. Are you going to feed him?”



Jan said, “I'll feed him.”

I turned and said, “All you had to do was say you didn't like your pizza!”

I like it!”

Yeah, you're going out and feeding people who don't deserve any perfectly good pizza when he shot his lunch.”

She smiled, “You're terrible!”

I turned to Chris, “Before we take him back, we've got to check to see if Jared is back, or not.”

I'll check.”

He wasn't before I put him under, but we can hope.”

Yeah, but it's doubtful. I wish he were, but I think Jared left for a reason.”

Maybe I can ask.”

Would you ask while I'm here. I'd like to see him and not that asshole in there.”

Let's go in the office in here.”

He smiled and nodded.

We went into the office and I said, “Jared, if you're around, please let me know.”

Jared's voice came through but not his body. “I'm here.”

Why'd you leave?”

You need someone else. Or I should say, someone else needs you.”


It's been decided.”


You'll know as soon as you see him.”

What about Robbie?”

Send him back to Missouri and do what you planned.”

Which part? Putting a restraining order on him or killing him when he tries to kill me again.”

He was trying to scare you into getting what he wanted.”

Why couldn't you tell me you were leaving?”

I spoke with you on the phone about seeing you on the shows and then it got decided, but I was being brought in and out.”

Well, he cheated on me while you were out and Kit cheated on Chris.”

Tell Chris...”

He's here.”

I can only speak with you.”

Chris looked crestfallen.


Tell Chris he and Kit got together then and hatched the plan to see what he could get out of you.”

So she's an accessory to it!”

Yes, but speak with Mike and tell him you know. There's no proof except me and that won't work. I'm sorry.”

What are you going to do?”

I'm about to go back. You'll know who I am when I'm born.”


Yeah, it's going to come as a total surprise, but I'm happy.”


I felt bad. All along I had wanted him, but I guess it wasn't possible.

Tell my mom, dad, and grandma I love them when you see them and know I love you too.”

I know.”

Tears stung my eyes. Chris came over and hugged me. “I'm sorry.”

It hurts. I wanted him.”

I know and I know he wanted you too.”

Jared's voice said, “It's not possible in this life. We've got each other for eternity.”

You're going to be in my heart.”

I know.”

I'm going. Tell Chris I loved him too.”

Chris started sobbing, “Tell him I loved him too.”

He's gone.”

We started crying. We hugged each other and then Jan's voice came through on the intercom. “You've got people out here.”

Tell them one moment.”

You have to press the button to talk. I'll tell them to give you guys a moment.”

I looked at Chris and asked, “Did you and Kit have sex?”


Oh, well it's not her who's going to have him.”

Thank God.”

I've got to call Mike and tell him what Jared said.”

You've got me as a witness. I might've not been able to speak with him, but I heard him.”


We straightened ourselves up and I took the phone. Jan's voice came through, “The Clarion two blocks over is yours.”

Is it nice?”

Not bad. It's not fancy, but it's nice.”

Does it have suites?”

I've booked them the suites.”

How does that work?”

Their company pays.”

We've got to call all those companies and tell them they're paying those people for the ads we put out. It's not fair one company foots the bills for all the rest.”

I'll do it. How do you want it done?”

Tell them I want each company to pay them what they would've normally. I promised those people we'd do it that way.”

Ok, how do you want to do it about their transportation? Do you want me to put them in cars down on the lot?”

I looked over at Chris. “Do you like your car?”

Love it, but it scrapes whenever I go into a parking lot or over little bumps.”

Want another one? Or do you want a lift kit put on it.”

NO! Leave it as it is!”

Ok, man, give you a Lamborghini and you get all testy.”

He chuckled, “That's like my dream car.”

I pressed the button to speak with Jan. “Keep a Suburban back for us and that Lotus for me. Other than that, put them in the cars.”

I'll get it done.”

IF they need something for lunch besides pizza, tell them to go to one of the restaurants on the list and use the card.”

I think you've got to sign off on that card.”

Can't they sign my name?”

Don't get into that practice. Everyone will be signing your name everywhere.”

Ok. Well, tell them if they want lunch we'll get something on the way to the airport.”

Do you want them to go to the hotel and see if it's acceptable?”

Yeah, if it's not, tell them I'll get them into something which is decent.”

It's going to be fine.”

I looked at Chris. “Well, business calls. Do you want the McDonald's and Coke account?”


“Good, I think that's who is out there. What I'll have to do is go over the contract and then hash out the details. I'll have you in the room and get Jan to witness it.”

Man, that's a lot of work, isn't it.”

Yeah, but you just remember I'm your best friend when it comes to taking me to McDonald's.”

You didn't get a hamburger place?”

No, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Long John Silvers, and Taco Bell.”

Oh, that's ok for once in a while, but I imagine we'll use my card a whole lot more than we'll use yours.”

We've about got all the fast food tied up. I'm going to be getting someone else the Wendy's.”

Who got Burger King?”

They were assholes. They wanted me by myself.”

Well do it and charge them more!”

That's a thought, but they'd probably be dicks about it.”

Call them.”

Let me see if I've got their number.”

I looked up their number and found it. I dialed, “BKEnterprises.”

This is Jake Martin, I'm putting together endorsement contracts and want to know if you'd like to have me represent your company in commercials, print, and radio advertising.”

Let me put you in contact with that department.”

I got switched and told Chris, “Tell one of the contract people to come in. I'll read that while I'm waiting.”


He went out and I waited. “This is Silex Berry, how may I help you?”

This is Jake Martin, I'm putting together endorsement contracts and want to know if you'd like to have me represent your company in commercials, print, and radio advertising.”

I believe I spoke with someone about you guys the other day.”

You spoke with him about my team, not a personal endorsement.”

Who are you endorsing already?”

I've got Nestle', General Motors, PepsiCo, and Stein Brewing.”

What are you doing for Stein?”

Doing commercials, print, and radio spots. Basicly, my spots will be me endorsing the product without holding it.”

How are you doing that?”

Either I'll be playing football with their horses, riding the wagon, riding the horse, or talking about the ingredients which go into the product instead of endorsing drinking in any form.”

Ummm, could we get that as a guarantee?”

We'll see, there are a few factors I need to put into the contracts.”

What are those?”

That you know I represent the other companies, that we use the crew of people we've got working now, and that you know I'm gay and accept that.”

Ummm, I don't think we can work with that.”

Ok, well, I thought we'd give you an offer before we go with plan b.”

What's that?”

“Stein is going to have an ad where I'm walking along a littered street. I pick up a bottle and tell their customers to drink responsibly and to throw waste where it belongs. I guess your sacks will be some of that litter. You have a fine afternoon.”

You're knowingly putting our bags out there?”

Sir, I'm going to have a car being pulled by a wrecker. That car is going to be a make which doesn't have us endorsing it. I'm going to have an out of business restaurant which doesn't have us endorsing them. I'll have other litter on that street which is from companies which doesn't have us endorsing them. It's about making the companies we work with look better and those who won't looking bad.”

That could be a two way street. I could make your team look like a bunch of thugs.”

Go right ahead. The second you use our uniforms with our numbers on them, I'll sue on behalf of my players for defamation of character. You won't find my guys on the street littering, but I sure bet I can find a bag of yours on the street anywhere in this country. Care to make a bet?”

How much are you wanting to have us use you?”

Well, since you wouldn't use my team, the price per year went up five million. That now has it at twenty million a year for a fifteen year contract. IF you choose to not use me, then you pay double indemnity and if I break the contract, I pay the same penalty.

Also, I get a card which allows me to receive unlimited amounts of your products and I get a memo out to your franchisees and corporate restaurants which tell them I could be filming in their location without notice.”


Because I'm going to doing what they call 'filming on the fly'. What that means is I'll be moving from place to place and when I think up an ad which benefits your company, then we do it and you get sent the film.”

So you're going to set up lights, and all that in my restaurants?”

No, I wear make up, but the only light they've got is a guy who carries a light wand. The camera is using a digital filter which automatically focuses, so it's not bad quality.”

What would you say?”

Are you familiar with Paul Harvey's ads?”


Well, that's how I'm going to work. The believability factor is going to be a major component of all my endorsements. I'm not going to embarrass myself or you guys. However, if you have a promotion which is for some contest, or for a movie, then you need to let me know so we go in with that store having the promotions up. My crew can do that.”

Who gets a say in the content of your work?”

I do. You get sent the footage and if you want me to plug something, then that's cool, but my job is to make you guys look good by telling the truth, not selling a super stacked sandwich a normal customer doesn't have a chance of buying.”

Can we be assured you get a sandwich which hasn't been put into a wrapper an mashed down?”

Yeah, I'll do that and I'll make sure the fries are a good golden brown. However, if I meet up with a manager who won't work with me, or get me those products, then I want assurances it won't happen again.”

That's good. I can put out a memo which requests their cooperation which is next to being a direct order.”

I understand. So, do we have a deal?”

I want to know something else. You say you're gay, you're not going to be effeminate in the ads, are you?”

I'm not ever effeminate in anything I do. Yeah, I have a private life, but that's not going to carry over to my work anywhere I work. It doesn't carry over when I'm in the office, on the football field, or in front of the camera unless it's warranted by that sponsor.

Believe me, if they ask that, they'll certainly pay me a lot more to do it and you best believe it'll be around a hundred million more. My reputation isn't something I'm going to wear down for anyone.”

Good, now I need to ask another thing. Would you wear the King's costume if we asked?”

That'd be cool, but I don't want to wear the beard. I'll wear the crown, but the customer needs to know it's me.”

He chuckled, “Ok, what if you're allowed to pull down the beard?”

I'll pull it down and off so they know what I'm saying.”

“What if we reject your ad?”

I put out fifteen commercials for you a year. I put out three radio ads for you a week. Other than that, the print ads come from your editing people from the footage we send. I'll pose and do what you need, but it'll require them telling me what they want.”

What if they need photographs taken?”

One time a month at the most and it's here. I can't be flying all over the world for everyone when practice and other business dictates to be conducted.

One other thing, if you're going to be opening restaurants in other countries, I'll do the language you wish...if that's needed.”

Is that in your other contracts?”

It is for Stein, but not for Nestle, GM, or PepsiCo.”

Ok, we might need that.”

Your restaurants in China will take off, but you're going to suffer seventy percent losses in Brazil. I'd reconsider those.”

Who told you we were going there?!”

Sir, I can tell these things. I don't need to be told anything.”

Well, that's where we're going.”

You're also going into Japan heavily. You'll do good there, but you're already there and I might add they think your meat is a little too well done for their tastes.

You've got taste tests which have told you that, but someone's not passing along the information. Your sales would go up twenty percent if you went with more soy and more sauces on them.”

I'll look into it.”

It's all in those customer responses. Find those results and you'll see you weren't told everything, but you're not in that part of the company.”

I can pass it to the president real fast.”

Ok, but that's what I see there.”

Why aren't we going to go over well in Brazil?”

The prices are too high for their demographic. The customers just aren't willing to spend half a day's wages on a combo meal like they would in the orient. In the orient, it's about status. It's seen as cool by the customers, but the customers down there aren't that interested in the status as much as they are being frugal.”

Ok, I'll pass it along.”

You can, but they're not going to really listen. It's already decided they're going to put five hundred of the restaurants down there. All the advertising and all the promotions in the world aren't going to save those restaurants.”

How heavily of losses?”

Five hundred open. Before they all open, you're going to already be seeing seventy percent losses. What I mean is they open ten of the things and seven of them will be going broke. That should be seen as the writing on the wall, but the green light is already given, so it's going to be full speed ahead on all the rest. By the end of the first year, you'll have serious losses. BY the end of the second year, you'll have seventy percent of them shut. BY the end of the third, you're going to have all of them shut. By the end of the fifth year, they'll all be up for sale and I'll have negotiated to buy the lot for half a million.”


You heard me. You spend about seven hundred thousand opening each, and another three staffing them for the time they're open and that sir is half a billion dollars. I'll pay ten percent and gladly go in and open a chain which will sell food.”


By doing what you guys won't. I'll put the ingredients out there for them to put on the burgers and get them burgers for about fifty cents each. By then, I'll have local grown vegetables coming in and will have PepsiCo with a contract for my soft drinks.”

So you're saying to put a red light on everything.”

I'm telling you that guy in your president's office has it in his mind that's what he wants to do. I'm also telling you by the time they're shut, he's going to be out of that office and into a spot with a major manufacturer hawking toys.”

It figures.”

I'll speak Portugese if you want, but I'll tell you now, the money you spend on the ads from me isn't going to get you any business down there.

I'd save my money going that direction and have me speaking Mandarin and Japanese. Speaking of the Mandarin, you do need to know there are dialects all over China and each item is going to have a different thing up on your product boards.”

What about drive thrus over there?”

Run with them. They're expanding rapidly and in fifteen years, they're going to be really putting out their cars. One thing I do want to point out is the lack of country wide pollution policies is going to really have you in a world of hurt.”


Ok, above your grills and friers are the filters. You're going to have management which thinks they can just leave those out. They fail to realize it's another barrier to keep grease from collecting in the fan up on top. In fifteen years, you'll have to have fans replaced and people going in to clean out that duct work because of the grease accumulated. My suggestion is to put in power washers in your utility rooms so they use them.”

I'll pass it along.”

Once again, it won't be heeded. You've got a guy in there who is head strong and fails to listen to anyone but himself. His only goal is to make his profit loss column look good for his bonuses.

That satisfies me because my bonuses are tied to your profits. However, I do want an exclusion from the losses suffered from Brazil. He might've ran out the door, but I sure don't expect you guys to make me pay for his mistakes.”

Let me get your bonus conditions.”

It's rather simple. When I begin working for you guys, we take a base line of what your company made. It's easily found with your quarterly earnings reports and your internal revenue statements.

From the date I sign the contract, we begin the running figures. IF the sales go up fifty million, I get ten percent. IF they go up a hundred million, I get twenty five percent. Two hundred and I go dollar for dollar in stock from your company.”


Based upon your company's income, I get bonuses. My face is on the line telling people to go eat your food, so I want a cut.”

So, you're saying everyone agreed to this?”

Yeah. Either they do, or I don't sign the contract. I've signed nearly six billion in contracts today over the next fifteen years, but I'll tell you now, those stocks are going to be worth way more than that.”

And they signed?”

Yeah, Stein actually is the one who started basing it upon his gross sales instead of net. HE's writing it off, so I'm fine with that.”

Jeez! You're cleaning up!”

Yeah, but you need to know by the end of my contract, you guys are going to be nearing the fifteen thousand mark in your numbers. I figure if you're going up in numbers five hundred percent, you certainly can afford me.”

I need to get some of this stock!”

I would, but if they have the Brazilian stock separate, or the Asian restaurant stock separate, my ads are considered paid from those companies and they're a separate entity.

I'm not going to have you guys dumping that Brasilian stock on me and having you thinking you got something off. In fact, I feel so strongly about that Brasilian endeavor, I'm going to insist if my pay is commensurate to the losses of your company in regards to it, I get to sue you guys for a hundred times what my pay would have been that year without it.”


In short, I'm telling you that Brazilian endeavor is a loser. If you guys think I'll take a pay cut because you lost half a billion on it, I want you to know I'm not going to take it.”

I'll find a way of getting it into your contract. Now, do you want it faxed to you, or do you want me to bring it to you, or how do you want it done?”

You can fax it, but I'll tell you now I'm about to leave for the day. Tomorrow, I've got an interview on a morning show up in New York on NBC. Then, it's back here to do business, and then to Missouri to practice. Later, I'll be on the Leno Show with my team.”

You're busy!”

Yeah, and on the jet going out to Leno, I'll be going through contracts for the team, so, I won't be able to look over that. Until probably Thursday.”

Ok, I'll send it up and you get back with me on it.”

Sure. I appreciate your time.”

Thanks Jake.”

I hung up and said, “Man, that guy sure wants me bad!”

Chris smiled, “This is the man from Coke.”

Hi, I'm Jake Martin. I've been reading this contract and you're right on the money there. I do need to ask you one question in the provisions.

Back here, you're listing the brands you've got now. It doesn't state anything about the new brands you'll be having. It also doesn't state if he's to endorse those or not.”

We're unable to tell if there will be new brands.”

I'll tell you now there will be. You're also going to be discontinuing and remerging the Coke into the Coke Classic with an apology to your customers.

You'll have Cherry Coke, Diet Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, and Diet Vanilla Coke. You'll have Caffeine free and diet Caffeine Free Cokes. You're also going to be ditching Tab and bringing it back out as a high caffeinated energy drink, You'll have juices, and you'll have energy drinks.”

We're not even testing anything like that!”

Sir, put your hand out. I'll show you how I know.”

He put his hand out and I said, “Ok, here's how I do this. What is said in this room stays in here, but if you don't think I don't know that secret formula, you're nuts. You have contract with the man who knows and I just got it from him via you.

You're married. Your marriage is tumultuous and it's due to your being gone so long. You've got a house in rural Atlanta more towards Athens and you inherited it.

In three years, you'll be served divorce papers and through that divorce, you're going to suffer a setback with Coke. You've got a daughter Angie who is three, you've got a daughter named Sarah who is five, and you've got a son named Seth who is seven.

Your wife had a miscarriage four years ago and the baby is buried in a cemetery plot you bought as a family in the church you attend. Your preacher is someone who demands loyalty, but he'll be killed by his wife who uses an abuse plea. She nearly gets it off but it's just real hard to say you were running out the door and killed him in self defense when you had to reload that double barrel shotgun in order to shoot him three times. The fourth shot missed and hit the wall behind him.”

You see this.”

Your pastor's name is Clement. You call him Clem. He's a buddy of yours and you go rabbit hunting with him. Last fall, you went hunting and you nearly got bit by a water moccasin. You thought it strange because they're not normally out at that time of year. I won't go into your sexual history but you know why I'm speaking about Clem.

In regards to you and your wife, you've got a vacation planned for Christmas break in Hawaii. Coke is footing the bill on your expense account. You have a card with them and they've never questioned it before, so you think it's going to fly. It does, but when she files for divorce, she gives away the secret.

Last year, you took a private vacation without her to Las Vegas. While there, you stayed at the Sands and you didn't get far without that girl on your arm. She wore a black dress cut down to here and slit up to here. You thought she was hot, but she should've been a pencil sharpener with the amount of teeth she used.

Should I go on?”

How do you know all this?!”

I touched you. I can read you and know all of it. I can also read the people you're in contact with on a regular basis and the details.”

Ok, I'm supposed to believe this and I'm not supposed to believe you've got private detectives. If that's true, where did I eat lunch yesterday and what did I have?”

I sat back and said, “You ate out on Ellis Island. You went there alone and you also took the tour through the Statue of Liberty. It was great and you told her about it when you called her last night. In regards to what you ate, let's had a snicker bar and a diet Pepsi. If that's called lunch, then that was lunch.”

The day before.”

Lunch the day before was in your car and it was a sandwich you bought at Piggly Wiggly. You also bought fried chicken there in a little diner, but that was supper.

The sandwich was eggs salad, but it's not your mom's which had more vinegar in it. She used chunks of pickles and she died in 1979, August 12th. Her name was Evelyn Irene and she resided in Tifton on Elm Street where you grew up.

Your father was killed in Saudi Arabia, but the reason he died wasn't relayed. I'll tell you it was because he had sex with an underage child with a hotel Bible laying on the nightstand of the motel room. It's hard to say he died of natural causes in a motel room when he was found stabbed, disemboweled, and his dick was cut off his body.”

How'd you know that!”

I see it! Now, only one person told you the truth and it was the funeral director down there in Tifton. He didn't tell you anything about where they found the body, but I'll tell you that you got a statement from the authorities telling you it was natural causes which is total bullshit.

I'll tell you it was the boy's father who killed him and I'll tell you that boy was sold into slavery and made his way into the Sudan. He grew up and now has a little shop there selling some sort of meat on a stick. I'd tell you what meat it was, but it varies from goat to dog depending what he finds.”

Ok, so I'm believing you can tell the future.”

I can tell the past, present, and future. Now, do you want to know what you're going to do?”

What's that?”

You're going to add in a clause to that contract which states if you tell another soul what was discussed in here, Chris here is going to receive two hundred and fifty million lump sum paid by Coke.”

I can't do that.”

Then get up and walk out of here. The moment you tell your wife what we discussed, I'm telling you now she's going to start thinking about ways she can fuck you in a divorce. The thing there is you're a name dropper and she's going to want to come to me and ask me what I saw and I'll tell her about things you don't want her to know.

Now, do you want me to fuck you back? Because I'll tell you now, when you put my name out there, it's most likely going to bite you hard.”

You're using blackmail!”

I'm telling you, sir, that you can't keep your fucking mouth shut if your life depended on it! You have to go out and tell people things which are told in confidence. Now, do you want to know what I know you've gotten told from what you heard in Coke?”

So it's a deal breaker if it's not put in there.”

It's a deal breaker because I know you're going to run out and tell. I saw her speaking with me and I know the moment I speak to that woman, I'm going to be smiling wholeheartedly and I'm going to be recording the whole fucking conversation.

I'll smile and I'll tell her everything and the whole time, I'm going to be pumping her for full details so I have it very evident you told her and it's on this contract you broke.”

I can't tell anyone.”

You're to smile and you're to go back and quietly take credit for putting cherry and vanilla into the Coke. You'll tell them about caffeine free and they'll tell you it didn't go over in the taste trials, but they're going to quietly give you your severance and have you sign that non-disclose statement which gives up your rights to it. Then, wham, you're out and they're plugging the hell out of it in Utah where they gleefully get the endorsement of the Mormons and decide to go forward with it nationwide because of all the religious affiliations which won't allow it. By then, you realize I'm right that you're one dumb son of a bitch.”

How do I stop it?”

My advice is to do one thing and that's when you get your severance, you draw a line through that line, initial and date it and then smile at them while you sign it. Then, you go to a photocopier and you take a copy of it. Then, you hand it back to them and you take that copy to your attorney. He'll gladly sue on your behalf when the time comes.”

Why am I being terminated?”

You bought a trip on company accounts! Now, ask yourself why it's a big deal and I'll tell you it's because your wife sees the wife of a vice president out there in a restroom and when she's divorcing you, that wife gets told really how you took the trip and she passes along the torch which burns you later.”

So I can't get out of it?”

I'd tell you to cash in the tickets and put the money back on the account, but you've already lied to your wife and told her you won a contest at work.

You know and I know and that VP knows no contest happened and that's why you're locked in. Now, either you make it so you go out there and your wife never goes to the bathroom, or, you figure the best way out of a bad situation and you figure alimony, child support, and expenses based upon your percentage of that product they have.”

He gave a helpless look.

Yes sir, that's all because of this contract not stating any future products. Now, if you want him pushing your Cherry and Vanilla Coke, I'd tell you to get it on the paper and also any future products in development, or not.”

Is that all?”

That clause which says you gotta keep your mouth shut!”


Good, now, let's get this done so he can get McDonald's on the hook. Believe me, that man out there doesn't want to play ball with me today because he's got more skeletons in his closet than Reagan's got jellybeans. I'm reading that fucker before he even gets in the room!”

I pulled the contract over and wrote in the clauses. I pushed it over for him to read and then he signed, I signed, and then Chris signed. I pushed the intercom button and asked Jan to come in and witness them.

She came in and I pulled the casette tape from the recorder and said, “Put that tape in the file with this endorsement contract when it comes back.”


He gave a surprised look. “Sir, I record conversations. You're not entitled to know, but as long as one of us knows it was recorded, no one else need know. I'm telling you because I want you to know I've got it and I'll really want to play her that tape should I have to.”

Ok, I won't tell her.”

Before we leave, I'm going to tell you one last thing. When you get divorced, you're going to go down and buy a small island near Key West. When you hear a hurricane named Ivan is coming, you get the fuck off that island. If not, you're going to die. You go to Clem's place and you shack up for a few days. It might just spell happiness for the rest of your life.”


Yeah, that's the icing on your cake.”

We all stood up and Chris was smiling like a Cheshire cat. They shook hands and he turned to Chris, “I'll get you a schedule of the times you'll need to be in tapings.”

Chris nodded and thanked him.

When the guy left the office, I pointed at the guy from McDonald's and said, “Sir, we're ready for your appointment.”

He went into the office and I turned to Dan who was standing. “Dan, would you carry Robbie out in about ten minutes and be sure to come by the office and ask me what to do with him?”

Yeah, but why?”

This guy needs to think I'm ruthless.”

Ok” he said with a smirk.

We went into the office and sat down. I took the contract and began reading. It was pretty straight forward, but didn't include the double indemnity clause.

Sir, the double indemnity clause isn't in this contract.”

They never approved it.”

Ok, I'll call and see why they're wasting our time. They agreed to it over the phone and I'll certainly be happy to charge them for wasting my time up here billed by the day.

Your company will also be responsible for his time billed in the same manner. Since he's paid almost sixty thousand dollars out on the football field and since I'm paid nearly three hundred thousand on that same day, you can guess which day I'll pick to charge them.”

I picked up the hand receiver and dialed the phone. When I got the vice president of advertising on the line, I said, “This is Jake Martin. Your man is up here and the double indemnity clause isn't in the contracts. He says it wasn't approved when we agreed to it in our conversation.

As I'm going through this, I also see you've got him filming seventeen instead of the fifteen agreed upon. I also see he's not got the bonuses agreed upon and I'm seeing you have given that unlimited card a change to a limit of five thousand dollars annually.”

Ummm, you're obviously not looking at the contract I approved.”

What did you approve?”

Everything we discussed. I saw the contract and made for certain it was exactly as stated.”

Here's your man. Tell him to cut the shit and tell him if my time is wasted, his lies just cost your company ten times what I'm billing him for that wasted time.”


I thrust the phone over at him and he began speaking. I looked over at Chris and he smirked, “Damn, you're in here playing like hell!”

Figure the inch they're trying to get you to give is the first inch which is going up your ass dry. Now, do you want to give that inch, because if so, I'm going to ask when my turn is happening!”

I'm not giving no one that inch.”

It's a fuckin' shame. I was about to rock your world!”

He chuckled and the guy hung up. “I obviously don't have the right contract.”

No, I think you had the contract you wanted him to sign. I also see his name on it and I see my team's name on it. Do I seem stupid?”


Then get the right fucking contract out on the table and put in the clause which states because of your lies, we're now being paid six hundred thousand additional dollars as of November 1st for him and three million for me.”

He didn't approve that.”

Fine, I'll sue you to get it. No contract is being signed here today. I'll gladly play him this tape when I see him in Chicago to personally get it signed with him. Believe me, that day will be billed also.”

Ummm, he approved it.”

And I just multiplied that fine for lying times ten again. He's now getting six million and I'm getting thirty. Would you care to see if I will care to hear another lie? After all, it's your lies which are costing your company money.”

Dan came to the door carrying Robbie. “Where do you want him?”

Uh, you might see if he'll fit in the baggage area of the plane. I reserve my above deck for players. IF he freezes to death, I guess it serves him right for pissing me off.”


Chris said, “Damn! That's the third one today!”

Yeah, but this guy's going to be serving his balls for breakfast if he doesn't get me a contract I can sign real soon.”

Put the clause in the contract. I'll sign it.”

I wrote down the thirty million and the six for Chris. I read through and the contract was perfect otherwise. I signed and slid it across to the guy. “Sign the damned thing.”

He signed and then slid it to Chris. Chris read through it and then signed. When it was signed, I put a date stamp over my signature and Chris'. “That's in case you want to try getting that signature onto the other contract.”

I wouldn't do that.”

Yeah, tell that to Sally, The Flying Nun. You sure as hell fucked her in a contract.”

He gave a startled look.

Sir our business is completed. When you leave, I'll call the man back and tell him what you cost him and that I expect the checks mailed on the first.

I appreciate you giving me a hundred times what I earn and I'm sure Chris thanks you likewise.

Now, IF you think about harassing him on this contract, be advised I'll run an investigation over your personal business practices with such a fine toothed comb, you won't dare pass scrutiny and if you don't think I know what I'm talking about, you think of one ingredient and that's tarter sauce. You might have them hoodwinked, but you certainly don't have me.”

How do you do that?!”

For me to know and you to guess. All I'll tell you is there's an ice berg floating where that tarter sauce is and I'll have iced tea in the tropics off what I'll make from you before it's over.”

Chris stood up and said, “Thanks.” He stuck out his hand and the guy for an instant made like he wasn't going to shake it. When he shook it, I said, “IF you don't shake mine, I'll understand. Just remember I know you falsified your income tax last year too. Guess who doesn't want to piss me off and I'll point at you on your way out.”

He shook my hand and I started getting flashes of everything. I wiped my hand on my shirt and Chris chuckled.

We went out of the office and Jan said, “You've got three more.”

Ok, what about a nice cold drink?”

In the office and around here, it's got to be Pepsi. Chris has to drink Coke. No trading sips because it'd look wrong!” She said giggling.

Ask Dolly if she's got a funnel and ask her to have mine put in a Mountain Dew bottle.”

She laughed, “You're going to be so much in trouble!”

Hey, if the guy happens to be here and drinks it and likes it better than his, maybe he'll buy their company and I'll get unlimited supplies of it!”

She laughed, “Yeah, but it might be breach of contract.”

Not! It doesn't say I gotta drink their product in any contract I signed. I merely suggests I use decorum while in public.”

That's a wide loophole!”

Yeah, but all I'm taking it as being is that I can't do navel shots on a bar using Pepsi products. That's decorum.”

She laughed, “Ok...if you say so! By the way, your friend Madonna called and wants to know when she can use the apartment.”

I'll call her.”

She's at this number. Ask to speak with Madge and they'll get her.”

This is overseas!”


Man, calling her is sure going to be expensive.”

It's a write off.”

I went into the office and Chris followed, “Can I listen?”

Yeah, shave your chest and I'll get you into a video with her.”

Sheesh, Consider it done!”

I dialed the number and asked for Madge. “One moment, puhleaze.”

Her voice came on, “Hello!”

It's Jake, you want me for your latest video?”

Only if you're out of your tights.”

Then that'd make me loose. Loose wouldn't be good.”

She giggled. “We can start filming on Monday.”

Ok, I'll have it ready. By the way, my friend Chris is willing to shave his chest if he can be in it.”

Tell him I get to shave all of him and I'll put him in a sling.”

He gave a startled look.

Sure, he'll do it.” I said chuckling.

Monday, we'll probably be there early in the morning.”

Ok, I'll have business to attend to and interviews since we have a game on Sunday.”

Where's the game?”

“Dallas. We're gonna win.”

Good luck!”

Thanks, watch and when they do the interview, I'll say 'hi'.”

Ok, do that. I dare you to take off the tights and say 'This is for Madge!”

I laughed, “You have no idea when that'll happen. You just wait.”

I hung up and he said, “She's joking, right?”

I doubt it. She's using the apartment because it looks like a porn palace.”

Oh man, you just said she could shave me in a sling?!”

Yeah, just think about it. You can have stills shot and tell the guys back home why you're shaved naked...and who did it with proof!”

Oh man, do you think that'll violate the contracts I signed?”

Nah, because you're straight, they didn't put conditions on yours about who you screw around with. Me, I gotta be careful.”

My phone rang back, “Hello?”

It was Madonna's voice.

I'm sending you a toy.”


I forgot to tell you. He's doing an international tour. He'll be there probably in an hour and a half.”

I'll be leaving about then to go to Missouri for practice.”

That's ok, take him with you and show him what football is about.”

Who is it?”

His name is Renaldo.”

What's he doing for an international tour?”

IF you don't like him, you're blind.”

Ok, where's he at now?”

They're leaving on the turnpike.”

Ok, tell them to put some lead in their foot.”

I'll call him back.”

How'd you know I was single again?”

You are!”

Yeah, Robbie just went insane and I called it quits.”

Oh man! That's even better!”

You sent him not knowing?”

She laughed, “Temptation hon, if you don't find him tempting, you're not gay.”

I hope so!”

I'll get off here and call him again.”

She hung up without saying good bye.


Chris smiled, “Renaldo?! What kind of name is that!”

I have no idea. It sounds foreign.”

And he's on an international tour?”

Yeah, he must be a singer from someplace else.”

Are you seriously considering it?”

You heard Jared.”

Oh man, do you think so?”

It'd be nice, but he might be a gay guy who is a total turn off.”

She knows what you like, right?”

I told her a few guys I thought were hot.”

Then she's probably got you pegged.”

We went out into the office and I saw the contract people. “Guys, hand me the contracts and I'll scan them. I'll make corrections and get them back to you for approval. IF they're a go, you can get on the plane with us to fly to Missouri. If not, then get the corrected and approved from your people and I'll look at them tomorrow while we're flying to Missouri, or on to Los Angeles.”

Burbank hon, Burbank!”

Do they have their own airport?”

I don't know, but you're going to Burbank. You need to know there's a difference.”

Is it that part of the state?”

Yeah, but it's a big place.”

Oh, ok.” I turned to the guys and said, “If you gotta stay over, I hear we now own the Clarion, so you can stay there.”

I need to get back to New York.”

Ok, hand me the contract and I'll look it over. Do you have to be there when my guy signs it?”


Then that's in Missouri. Today is just a run through for tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, we're having a 747 full of players and contract attorneys. You were told to come today because you're big money accounts.”

I took the contracts and took out a highlighter. I read through the first one and made the corrections. I looked through three more without making many corrections and then read the last one.

Who is the AT&T person here?”

I am.”

Take this contract back and tell your man I want what we agreed to. This contract states I'm going to be in your commercials. I didn't agree to it, and won't be working for this account.

We agreed to my player being in the commercial and me approving it because I own the team. For this, if you want me, it's way more money than what this pays.”

Who will be representing us then?”

I don't know. I imagine it'll be Pendergrass, but I'm not sure. I know I had him down for a phone company.”

So you're not in the commercials?”

No! I told you and I told the man I spoke with specifically I wasn't going to be in them, but a team member of mine would be. Now, get it changed and back for approval if you want us to represent you.”

I doubt if I'll be back.”

I imagine if you're not, I'll run myself in an ad for Sprint which points to your company by name as being substandard. When I point at the screen and say, “You know when you speak to the phone company, you're speaking to liars”, I'll be referring to your man I spoke with. I dare you guys to sue.”

I turned to the other guys and said, “Your people clearly understood our negotiation. You've got good contracts and your attorneys earn their money. I'll get these to the guys if you don't want to fly with us to Missouri.”

When will we be back?”

What time were they back last night Jan?”

About eight thirty our time.”

That's your answer.”

I'll fly with you.”

I turned to the other guy and said, “It's your call.”

I'll go.”

How about you?”

You can have it signed and I'll pick it up in the morning.”

Great, thanks for doing business with us and if I don't see you in the morning, I want you to know I appreciate your willingness to work with us.”

Thank you.”

He went out and I saw our security guy wheel him away on the buggy.

I turned to the two and said, “Guys, it's going to be about an hour and a half. If you'd like, you can either stay here down by the field, or go someplace else. You can stay here, but it's boring.”

I turned to the AT&T guy and said, “You can use a phone if you'd like to get approval for changes. If not, then I'll have a security guy come up and escort you out.”

I know my own way.”

You might, but if my security man isn't with you, you're trespassing. It's our security policy now to have everyone escorted. You're no different.”

Are you escorted?”

I own this motherfucker. The moment I need an escort, they better be taking me to an ambulance. You, you'll be took to a police car WITH an escort after you're caught wandering around in here.”

What's so special about this place?”

Man, I had someone in my office this morning who put a pistol in my face and demanded I sign over this place to him. He probably needed intensive care after I got done with him, instead, he was drug out of here and will be handed over to the prosecuting attorney. The next time he thinks he can come in here, it'll be violating a restraining order and I'll be inclined to kill first and then ask why he's here.”

Jan said, “Hon, you're screaming!”

Yeah, and this guy sure doesn't need us to work with him. Would you call his office and let me speak with the man I spoke with yesterday so I can bill them for my wasted time?”

Sure, I'll get it dialed.”

I turned to the guy, “This is how I handle this stuff. You're goading and you're sure pushing me to get pissed off. Instead, I'll speak with the man and ask him why he lied. I'll also tell him what the rate of pay is for wasting my time and then ask why I should sign the paperwork you're wanting to fuck me with.”

Chris came over and said, “Sir, if you'll go with me this direction, I'll escort you out of here.”

No, I'm here to get the paperwork signed and that's what I'm doing.”

Sir, you're not going to get anything signed by upsetting him. I'll tell you now you sure don't want him at the next level he's headed.”

The phone was answered, “Hello, this is Jake Martin, I would like to speak with the man who I negotiated with yesterday.”

This is he. This is my private phone line.”

Well....First of all, I'll tell you now the guy you sent is bouncing on my last nerve like a trampoline. Second of all, the contract you and I specifically negotiated said I would approve the contract, but I would NOT be in the commercials. He has a contract here which states I'm to be in them.”

I...uh....he's obviously misunderstood what he was told!”

I'd say so! Now, would you like to speak with him and clear this up before he's thrown out of here?”


Chris, let him go, he's got the world fucked up and his guy here says he wasn't told what he's got in the contract.”

Ok, step away from the desk and leave the phone there.” Chris said slowly.

I smiled, “I'm not going to hit him.”

I know you're not. Just walk away from the phone.”


I went across the office towards Jan, she smiled, “Chris obviously knows you're at the end of your rope.”

Just because I beat a kid up in the second grade, he thinks I'm still insane.”

You stabbed him in the arm with a pencil before you beat him down while he was sitting at his desk!”

He tried tripping me!”

Maybe he thought you were hot!”

Nah, it was Todd Smelstor.”

Have you seen him stare at you in the showers?”


Well he does!”

That's just creepy Chris!”

Hey! As long as he's staring at you and washing his nipples over and over again, that's fine!”


Jan giggled, “Hon, it sounds like you were the object of someone's fantasy.”

You don't know Todd Smelstor. He's not bad looking, but he's skinnier than a broom stick!”

I thought you liked them thin!”

Thin, but not that skinny! I mean, man, bruises happen!”

She laughed. “Go finish your pizza.”

Man, it's probably cold now.”

There's a microwave over there. Heat it up.”

I went over and heated it up. I was staring at the pizza go round and round when I felt a tapping on my shoulder. “I'm sorry.”

Son of a bitch you scared me!”


I turned around and said, “Get the contract right. IF you need a typewriter, there's one over there. If you want to be on the plane, you can ride...if it's right. If not, then I'll type it up and get it right.”

You know a lot about contracts.”

It's not something I set out to know, but it takes knowing them in order to get past slick assholes. It's better to fuck them before they fuck you!”

He smirked.

Oh man, I'm sorry.” I realized the terminology I'd just used. Jan was giggling away. I looked up and said, “I'm going to go finish my lunch.”

I ducked into my office and was busy whipping Mario's ass on Nintendo when Jan came shuffling into my office. “Hon, there's a man out in the office who says he's for you. NOT here for you, but he's for you. I'll tell you now, if you don't take him, then pawn him off on me.”

That good?”

I think everyone out there is staring at him.”

Ok, I'll go see him.

I got up and went out into the office. I saw movement going down the hallway and said, “Where's he going?”

I don't know, but go catch him!”


I went out the door and stared down the hallway. From the back, he had a dancer's stride.


He stopped and hit pose, “Yeah?”

Where ya going?”

I thought you didn't want me.”

Hang on a second!'

I walked towards him and got up next to him, as I got closer, he got better and better looking. When I got to him, I heard Jared's voice, “He's the one.”


What's wrong?”

You're perfect. I mean, man!”

He smiled a faint smile.

I bet you say that a lot.”

No, sincerely, I've seen hot guys before but you're really blowing them all away.”

You like?”

Hummita hummita wow wow. Like? I mean hell yeah I like!”

He smiled a smile which showed perfect gleaming white teeth.

Suddenly, it hit me. “Holy Fuck! You're in her video!”


The matador.”

I am one, yes. I'm over here doing appearances.”

Oh man, no wonder you've got a dancer's ass.”

He chuckled, “You like?”

Break me off a piece of it and I'll say it's definitely sweet.”

She said I'd like you. She was right.”

You're like me?”

Yeah, you like guys, right?”

Oh man, yeah, but I've got to get permission to be with you.”


Contracts. Let's go back to my office and let me call them.”

That's strange.”

It's something I committed myself to. Now, if you don't want to date, that's fine, I'll not call.”

Date?” out together and dating?”

He shook his head, “Court.”

Huh? I'm calling so I don't make it to court. They don't sue if I call.”

He smiled, “Courtship”

Hang on, let's go in here so I can ask Jan what that means.”

I turned around and headed up the hallway to the office. Jan was standing up and staring at me. I went in the office and asked, “What in the hell is courtship?”

Do it!”

Is it like dating?”

Yeah, it's the old fashioned term for what they did before marriage.”

Oh, so he wants to get laid.”

She laughed and pointed real small behind me. I turned around and he stood there smiling.

I'd like to court first.”

Well sure! Now that I know what it means, but I gotta call them people to get approval.”

I went into the office and I heard Jan's chuckling behind me. I sat down at the desk to dial and saw Renaldo come in and sit down. “Your pizza?”

“Yeah, take a piece of you'd like.”

He took a piece and looked at the Mario screen which was frozen.

The phone was answered, “Hi, This is Jake Martin, I need to get approval to date someone.”

What's his name?”

Renaldo...what's your last name Renaldo?”


diSilva. He's a famous matador from Spain.”

What's he doing stateside?”

He's doing an international tour showing the world bull fighting.”

So, it's temporary?”

I asked, “Is this a temporary dating thing Renaldo?”

Not if I like you.”

Not if he likes me.”

He chuckled, “What if you like him?”

That'd be cool. I mean, he's pleasing on the eye as all get out.”

How'd you meet?”

Well, I saw him on Madonna's video first and then, Madonna called me and said she was sending him down for us to meet. Now he's here and we've met. I know I've got to get permission first, so I'm calling.”

How public will you be?”

Today, we're going to Missouri because I've got practice. I don't know if that's a date, or not, but I imagine press will be there.”

So it's sort of unofficial.”

Well, if we speak to the press, does that make it official?”

It would. Just be discrete.”

I'll try. I mean, it's not like we're going anywhere famous or anything, and I don't know his schedule.”

I'll approve it.”

Good, I've got to call all the other people.”

Jake, don't worry about that part of your contract. I know you're not going to do anything really exhibited, so don't worry.”

I've gotta worry. It's a snake in the grass which could bite me.”

Send me a message if this changes and I'll make time for you to tell me what's going on.”


I hung up and got permission from all of the contract people. When I was done, Renaldo smiled, “You like?”

Mario? Yeah, I play. Do you?”


How old are you?”

Twenty seven, and you?”


What do you like to do?”

Well, I like all sorts of things, but I've never fought a bull.”

It's ehhh...” he said shaking his hand flat like topsy turvy “I' could do without it.”

Then why do you do it?”

It's a living.”

Football is my living. I'll be doing it for a long time.”

He gave a smile and looked out of the corner of his eye. “The limo drove like a maniac getting here.”

Madonna probably told them to. Can you go to Missouri with me?”

Sure. She said to tell you I've got a show to do on Saturday in a place you call Anaheim. Then, after that, I've got a show in two weeks in a place you call Seattle.”

Ok, so what are you doing in the meanwhile?”

I'm here if you'll let me stay.”

Sure, do you need a hotel?”


Ok, I've got one if you don't like my place.”

Can I stay there?”

I've got a roommate. You'll meet him later.”

You're with someone?”

No! No, I'm without anyone.”


SO you're fighting bulls here?”

It's an exhibition. They won't let me kill them. I have to have a pillow on it's back and dodge it.”

Isn't it a part of bullfighting for the bull to die and lose strength as you fight it and jab in the spears?”


Then what's the sense of doing it if he never gets tired?”

That's what they want.”

Man! Has one ever gotten you?”


What happened?”

He won! They took me out on a stretcher. The first time I punctured a lung and the second time he got me here.”

He stood up and pointed at his upper thigh. “Damn! He nearly took out your nuts huh?”

Nuts? You mean my...” He said pointing


He smiled, “Close, but they still work.”

I chuckled, “Do you want to go out on dates?”

IF you want to.”

“I do. But, what will you do when it's time for you to go back?”

I do three more months and then, I retire. This promotion is to see if I can garner interest in becoming a star here.”


I have enough money put back to live comfortably if I don't become a star.”

Would you be interested in living here?”

If you'd like.”

He gave me a haunted look in his eyes which had me worried. “Renaldo, can I touch you?”

Sure, where?”

Uh...let me touch your hand for a moment.”

He held out his hand and I lay my hand on his. Images flashed. I saw him growing up and watching his grandpa fighting bulls and then his father fighting bulls.

I saw his grandpa laying in a casket and then I saw him in training. I saw him with a boy he really loved named Marcelo. He and Marcelo were very intimate, but Marcelo disappeared and later was found to have gotten married to a girl from the coast. This made Renaldo very sad.

Loneliness happened and then, the Madonna video. He did it and then, his stardom increased. Money flowed in, but it also brought resentment from his fellow matadors.

I saw the inattentiveness which led to the first hit by the bull. He saw something laying in the dirt. It was a ring. It distracted him and that's when the bull hit. He went up in the air and then down. The bull pawing and snorting and the crowds frightened gasp

The second hit happened because he tripped on the material he was fluttering backwards. He started to fall and the bull lunged forward and gored him. Seering pain, flying, landing, and blackness. When he came to in the hospital, his family was there. A frightened mama and shrieking sisters. He told them he'd recover and attempt to find something different to do with his life.

He recovered and then came word of the traveling exhibition. It gave him enough money to live comfortably providing there was no inflation and he lived frugally. I mean, ten thousand a year frugally.

I felt the hope in his heart when Madonna called him and told him about me. She told him someone was famous wanted to meet him and that I was gay.

When I pulled back, we were holding hands, “Ren, may I call you Ren?”

My mama does.”

She's beautiful.”


Your sisters.”

All beautiful.”

No brothers?”

No, I'm the only boy.”

I wanted to tell him I knew, but I didn't. I flashed and saw the tour would go to the Philippines for a show and then to Australia for a series of six shows. He's have one in Russia and then, there's be Turkey. After the show in Turkey, he'd return to Madrid to do three months and then, a sad Ren would exit the arena for his final show.”

Can you throw a football Ren?”

I don't know.”

Let's go see.”

I stood up and said, “I'll show you how.”


Because the way you dodge bulls, and as muscular as your legs are, if you can throw, I might be able to use you as a quarterback.”


Yeah, let's go try.”

We went out and I told Jan, I'm going down to the field. I probably won't be back up here. Send the contract people to the field and we'll leave from there.”

The bus is going to be here in half an hour.”

OK, did we get our buses yet?”

No, this one is leased.”

Ok, would you call Reilly Chevy and tell Jack I'll need a truck and a Roadmaster prepped so I can do a couple of commercials?”

Sure hon.”

Tell him the Roadmaster is going to be driven by me while I'm there, so I'll take it on to my house.”

Ok hon, you coming back tonight?”

I gotta. I've got to fly to New York tomorrow.”

I turned to Ren and asked, “Are your bags here?”

Down at the entrance. I've got four trunks.”

We'll get them moved to my place.”

He smiled.

We walked down to the field and when we got down there, I went over to the ball rack. “This is our football. As you can see, it's got these stitches so you can know where to put your fingers. Here, try one.”

It's not heavy.”

No, now I'll show you real slow how I throw it. Ok?”


I took my arm back and said, “You see how I do it?”


About here, is when you gotta really put muscle into it. The goal is to send it flying as far as you can. Now, watch.”

I threw it and he seemed surprised. Chris came running out and got it. He threw it back and I caught it.

That's Chris. He's my best friend.”


Yeah. He'll be your best friend to if you want.”

He nice?”

He's nice, but he's funny. Most of what he does is a joke, so don't be offended if he does something strange.”


Now you try to throw.”

Ok, but I won't do good.”

He threw the ball and it wobbled a lot. As for distance, he didn't do half bad...about thirty five yards.

Chris came running up and scooped the ball. He threw it and I reached out and snatched it before it hit Ren in the head. Ren seemed surprised. “I thought it had me.”

I did for a second. Try again. This time, Try to hit Chris down there.”


He threw the ball and it got to Chris about forty five yards. Chris smiled and said, “You trying to train him like I trained you?”

Yeah, he dodges bulls for a living, so I figure if he can get out of their way, he'd probably do pretty good with men.”

I turned to Ren. “Let's hang this up for today and have you meet Chris.”

We put the balls in the rack and went towards Chris. Chris walked towards us and smiled, “Man, he's got the grace of a ballet dancer when he walks!”


I said, “Chris, Renaldo. Renaldo, meet Chris.” They shook hands and Chris said, “Don't believe him when he talks bad about me.”

Renaldo smiled and said, “That's a joke, right?”

I laughed, “Yeah.”

Chris came over and said, “Renaldo, I hope you two like each other. He needs someone who is good for him.”

We went down the field and Chris said, “A lot of the guys are already here.”

Good, now if we could make it so we've got all of them together.”

In time bud, in time.”

I keep telling myself that, but this traveling is a headache.”

Yeah, but you sure got us a nice ride in the sky.”

Did you ride this way in the big one or the little one?”

The medium one. From what I hear, the little one got used for shit head.”

Yeah, I've not even seen that one. Have you ridden in the 747?”

No, not yet, are we riding in that one today?”

Yeah, I want to check it out.”

Are they going to meet us there?”

I need to call and see. Is your dad coming back today?”

He's staying. Mom's going to probably ride back with us tonight.”

Oh ok, they need to see the places here?”

Yeah, Jan gave us a list and we saw one we liked from the outside.”

Did you go in?”

Nah, but it's sure fancy.”

Really? I've not even seen any of them.”

Me driving around in that car sure got attention. Dad fell in love with it.”

I bet! Did he drive it?”

No, but I bet he'll want to.”

We've got a Ferrari down there if he doesn't want a Cadillac.”

I'll tell him.”

I pulled out my phone and called Grant, “Hello?”

We're bringing the 747 to Columbia. Could you have them meet us with a bus?”

Yeah, do you know when?”

I don't know. Do you have the number for the plane?”


I'm bringing someone with me. I want you to meet him.”

Why are you always trying to set me up?”

I'm not. He's mine!”

Oh really?”

Yeah. His name is Renaldo diSilva. He's a famous matador.”

How'd you meet him?”

Madonna introduced us.”


Yeah, he was in a video of hers.”

That one where the bullfighter was in it?”


Oh man.”

You remembered?”

Yeah, but his face doesn't register. His body sure does.”

Well, he's coming. I've got to do two commercials for General Motors and then, I'm going to do a commercial for Nestle without a candy bar one since I don't have any.”

What kind do you need?”

The Crunch bars if I can get a box. I'll pay you back. I'm supposed to get a life time supply or something like that.”

For the team?”


Where are you going to put all of them?”

In the freezer here. There's certainly enough room for me to sock them away so I'll have them when I'm old and gray.”

My dad loves them, so you might send him a box.”

I'll do that. Now, when I get there, I'm going to show Renaldo how things go for me on the field. With some luck, he might work into a back up quarterback.”


I figure if he can dodge a bull, he can certainly dodge a linebacker.”

True, but he stands still and the object is to move.”

His legs are really muscular. I think he can run.”

Can he throw?”

Not bad.”


I'm going to work with him.”

Ok, where are you filming the Nestle commercial?”

Up on the bleachers.”

Ok, that'd be fine.”

I'm doing a truck commercial and a Roadmaster commercial too, but I'm hanging onto the Roadmaster and will probably catch the little jet here instead of the big one. I want to show him around Moberly.”

Take him to Owsley's.”

I will.”

Also, why don't you take him out to eat at one of the restaurants.”

I've got to be careful there, but I'll not break my contracts.”

Man, is that going to be a problem?”

Not really, I did get a Burger King contract for me since they insisted I be the one who does them.”

How'd that happen? I thought they were on the black list?”

I didn't have a burger contract. I called them and shot them the deal and told them twenty million a year instead of fifteen. They agreed. Now, do you want to know what I know?”


They're going into Brazil with five hundred stores. Within five years, we'll be able to snap them up for half a million.”


For all of them.”


They're all going to go under.”

You saw that?”

Yeah, they're going in with prices which are like the one they have down by the arch. It's not going to go over and they'll all be shut in three years.”

Who's dumb idea was that?”

The guy who is president of the company.”

Mr Big Pockets.”

He sure acts like it, but what I saw about him really irked me.”

What'd you see?”

He makes this decision and about the time it's hitting the fan, he gets a job with Mattel and goes over to them. He causes them to lose half a billion dollars and runs before he loses any pay or bonuses.”

It figures. I did hear we're going into Japan and the Asian countries.”

Yeah, China is going to do good. I saw that. Japan is really good too.”

When you want to do one of their commercials, I'll open up ours for one.”

I appreciate it. How many do you have?”

Five now.”

Cool, I might film them all in them. Is that ok?”

Sure! It'd give our local people something to talk about.”

Well, I could do that with all of our stores. We've got the Taco Bell, Long John Silvers, and Kentucky Fried Chicken too, right?”

As well as McDonald's, Country Kitchen, Pizza Hut, IHOP, Golden Corral, Hardee's, and soon to be Arby's.”

“Where are you putting the Arby's?”

In there where the old Hardee's was located.”

Oh, that's a decent location.”

Yeah, I figure it won't do bad next to that Zipp's. <<The chain is now called Rally's>> The Hardee's just couldn't compete against them.”

Not when you get the same basic burger for half the price of what a Deluxe costs at Hardee's.”

I tried to get them to let me lower the prices, but they've got that set. The only way I could compete was to build the new one.”

Well, it's nice, and I'd hate to say it, but I like Hardee's fried chicken better than Kentucky Fried.”

Me too.”

I'm not going to do a Pizza Hut commercial at your Pizza Hut.”

You might at the new one.”

Yeah, whenever that happens.”

I'll have you know that since you spoke with them, I got a call and finally told them it was a shame you were representing them and probably wouldn't do a commercial in your own store because we couldn't get a design from them.”

Did they get you one?”

They sure did! Ours is going to seat two hundred people.”

You want me to put in with you on that?”

If you want, that's not why I'm telling you though.”

No, that's perfectly fine. Just promise me when they deregulate these banks, that you'll save me a place so I can have a bank up there.”

Ok, I'll move over my banking there when you do.”

That'll be fine. I'm hoping to see about selling that cable company out here and loosen up some money so I can go that direction when it happens.”

How much does that cost?”

Well, here's how it's going to fly, are you ready to hear this?”


Ok, think of dominoes all set up to fall. Ok?”


Now, based upon the assets of the one, I can use them as collateral to buy more. Then, when they're bought, I can use their assets to buy more. That continues and soon, I've got a whole bunch of banks with only the assets of the first one really used.”

But you've got to pay it back.”

Yeah and no.”

What's that mean?”

Well, come to 2008 and suddenly a lot of banks are going under due to bad loans on real estate. The government steps in and give low interest loans to help get them paid off to secure the credit. The advantage of it is I learned where they get good cheap money at super low interest.”


China. They're lending it out at one percent and we can lend it out at ten percent for good loans based on sound economics.”

What's that?”

For cars and quick loans. If we do it that way, our pay off is four years and at the most, six years.”

Six years for a loan on a car!”

Yeah, that's how expensive the things get. The Cadillac today is going to be sixty five grand then.”

Jeez! That's more than a house!”

Well, in most parts of the country, houses shoot through the roof on prices. I'm going to be getting ready because I'm going to want to speculate.”

In what?”

Apartment units in Florida. We can buy them for ten thousand a unit and then, sell them as condos for two hundred grand a unit.”

That's terrible!”

It's a common practice. I saw where they took a dinky little motel like yours and sold the rooms for a hundred and twenty grand a unit.”


Yeah, it's ridiculous because banks lend out money for the things.”

I could buy a motel for the price of one unit!”

Not then, they're all snapped up and parted out.”

Oh man, I need to keep my eyes open.”

By the way, tell guys who want to stay out here that I bought the Clarion here.”


Yeah, Mike got it for me. I don't know how much I paid, but I hear it's so-so.”

What's so-so mean?”

It's probably as nice as your Ramada Inn there. I'd say. Jan didn't go into it in a lot of details, but she said it wasn't bad, but it wasn't ritzy either.”

That's good. I'll have to ask Mike what you got it for.”

If he tells you, you better tell me so we'll both know.”

You might ask him. I'm sorry for overstepping like that.”

No, that's ok. I know you care.”

I do. Now, let's get back to this Renaldo fella. Did you read him?”


All is well?”



Well, I sort of spoke with Jared this morning when Chris was present.”

What'd he say?”

He's about to be born to someone who is going to be a surprise to all of us.”


“He didn't say. That's all he said.”

Did Chris have sex with Kit?”

I chuckled, “I asked the same thing. He said no.”

Great minds think alike. I wonder who it is?”

It can't be Dolly because she doesn't have anyone. Jan just lost Rich.”

You don't think...”

Oh man, that'd be close and it'd certainly be a surprise.”

And we'd all know the baby.”

Oh man, she's going to flip!”

She'd be a good mom.”


You got soft in your tone there.”

Yeah, it's sort of melancholy for us all.”

I sure understand. When are they set to find the bodies?”

While we're in Dallas.”

Good, have everyone there.”

I am. I think they're going to do it in a way it's a surefire way they're found and definitely not able to be detected how long they've been dead.”

Tell me when you get here what you think, ok?”

Sure, get us the bus and tell Jack I'm hanging onto the Roadmaster.”


I hung up and called the jet. “Hello?”

We're taking the 747 over, but I'm also taking the little jet that way so I can come back later.”

Ok, you guys about to head this way?”

I am. I don't know about the rest of the guys.”


I turned to Renaldo. “Well, it looks like we're going to fly over in my little jet. You ready to go?”

What about my bags?”

We'll load them into the car I drive and get them over there to my place. Ok?”

Sure!” he said with a smile.

I went over to Chris and said, “You wanna fly in the 747, or the little jet?”

Which one are you taking?”

The little one. I've got to go down and load up Ren's trunks and take them over to my place.”

I'll help. You might ask one of the guys to ride along so they can help.”

Which one?”

DJ's here, so you could have him ride with us.”

Chris saw me stall in answering, “Or, you could ask Pendergrass since one of the contracts is going to be for him.”

Damn! I forgot about the contract people!”

Do they gotta ride with us?”

There's three of them. I don't know how many passenger the little jet is. Let me call and see.”

I dialed, “Hello?”

How many passenger is the little jet?”


Oh, so it's not really that little.”

No, it's good for a board meeting in the sky as it's set up that way.”

Ok, well, we're about to head that way. I'll see you when I get there.”

I hung up and said, “Ok, get Pendergrass and we might as well ask DJ and Dan.”

How many passenger is it?”


Man, you sure go all out buying things!”

I never knew how big this one was. I hope it's nice.”

We went down to the locker room and I saw DJ. “Do you and your dad want to ride with us in the little jet?”


Dan gave me a look. “Uh, your passenger is in the bedroom of the 747.”

Ok, they know that's off limits, right?”

Your steward guy said he'd protect the door with his life.”

Man, they're going to land in Columbia. That means he's gotta be carried onto the bus. I guess we could drive down in a Suburban and take him off when they land.”

Will your little jet fly that much faster?”

I think it I tell them to put it into haul, they'll fly it that fast.”

You might tell the pilot of the 747 to give us some time.”

Well, I gotta get Ren's trunks over to the Mansion and up to the penthouse. Then, we can go on out.”

What are you driving?”

I'll use the Suburban. It's supposed to be for the stadium's use.”

I turned to Ren and said, “Dan, meet Ren. Ren, meet Dan.”

They nodded to each other and I said, “Ren, Dan is our merchandise manager. He's brilliant with what he does. The guy over there is his son, DJ. Deej is ok.”

Ok! I'm better than ok!”

Yeah, but Ren is my new other half. If I catch you in the shower with him, you'll be better than dead.”

Man! Can't you just let that drop!”

Dan turned to DJ and said, “Deej, Jake's trying to tell you that you hurt his feelings with that stunt. He could let it drop alright. He could let it drop kick you right out of the NFL. I know I would've!”

DJ looked embarrassed and hurt.

I looked over at him and said, “Deej, you keep it in your pants until you meet that guy and you'll be fine with me. If your punter friend wants you, then be with him, but if that's off, then you run it by me who you want to be with before you do anything, ok?”


Good, I'll give you another shot at being my friend if you do that, but if you don't, and if I catch you not running shit by me, I'll throw you off the team. You got me?”


You're much too good of a player. Speaking of that, I need to speak with you privately sometime.”

How about now?”

Ok, Chris, can you, Pendergrass, Ren, and Dan get the trunks?”


OK, I'm going to speak with Deej and make it snappy.”

Make it quick, he's got steamer trunks down there!”

I looked and saw a whole pile of huge trunks. “Man!”

I turned to Deej and said, “Deej, here's the deal on the contracts I'm getting people. IF you're going to stay working for the team, I'll let you sign a contract to endorse something. IF not, then I'm not having you sign shit because they're for people who are going to be working for the team for a long time.”

How long?”

If you sign a ten year endorsement contract, then it's ten years. I'll get you money, but I'm not going to make you super rich.”

Why not?”

Well, the way I found out they do these deals with the pros is they consider your endorsement deals a part of your contract. If you make fifteen million a year on an endorsement deal and I get you another deal which makes five million and then pay you what you're making now with the bonuses and the merchandising, then you're seeing about twenty three million a year. That's what we put out in the press and it really make it sound like you're making a helluva lot of money from me.”

That's how they do it?!”

Yeah, I'll tell you I was crunching numbers like hell trying to figure out how I was going to get everyone signed to good money and not considering those. They told me that's how it's done and suddenly, I was on the phone calling everyone I could to get everyone a lot of contracts.”

So what would I endorse?”

I sort of already have Pendergrass the AT&T contract. It's ten million a year for ten years. That's if he agrees to the same thing you have to in order to get the contracts. However, I've got a contract here for Arthur Treacher's which says you make ten commercials for them a year for ten years and it's ten million. That's a hundred million dollars just for that one over the life.”


This contract here is for Outback Steakhouse. I've never eaten there, but I've heard it's expensive as hell. If you make them ten commercials a year for five years, they're paying ten million a year. Now, that one here is for Radio Shack. It's ten years and ten commercials a year for ten million a year. Do you want them?”

I make the same from you as I do now and you throw in bonuses, and my merchandising, right?”

Yeah, you get the profits from the merchandising. I get one percent and your dad gets ten percent, but all the rest goes to you. However, what we're going to be doing is opening up those pubs as stores for merchandise. If you want one, you pay for the utilities and bills for it out of your cut and I take one percent because I own them. You sell your stuff in there and your dad manages it. He gets ten percent, and I get mine, but you get the rest.”

Can I have who I want working there?”

You gotta run it by your dad. He's the one who is going to be managing it. I did ask him to hire homeless, but if you want someone specific, then you can do that too. Now, here's the other side of that I need to tell you. Ok?”


IF your merchandise doesn't bring in a whole lot, then what I'll do is I'll put someone else's merchandise in there to try to boost sales for me and your dad. That guy's stuff probably won't be selling so hot either, so it's like you get half the store and he gets half.

Now, what I'll tell you is're one of my stars. I want you but I can't afford to pay you six million a year outright. I can shoot you these deals like this and I can sure try to get you a lot more endorsements, but I definitely think you'll sell a lot of merchandise simply because you're going to be out there making touchdowns.”


Before we do this, I need a gentleman's handshake agreement and I want your dad to know we're doing this. IF you fuck me on it, I'll rip the contracts out from under you in a heartbeat.”

So I work here for ten years and I'm making at least ten million a year.”

Well, I'm hoping to get everyone twenty or so million a year. That's two hundred million over ten years, so that's not anything to turn your nose up at.”

What if I get disabled?”

If you get disabled, then there's room to swing in the endorsement contracts. What that means is you can do an Arthur Treacher's commercial sitting at a table, so you're not limping. However, if you have an arm in a sling, I'd suggest you take the sling off and try to hold a fork and smile your ass off like you enjoy the food.

Speaking of the food, here's the way we're doing it. You gotta agree because none of us are being stingy with it.”

What's that?”

Ok, I'm representing PepsiCo which is Pepsi and all their brands. In their company is Pizza Hut, Long John Silvers, Taco Bell, and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

What I've done is as part of the contracts, we get a card which gets us unlimited amounts of their food. That means should we see a Arthur Treacher's or an Outback and want to stop there to eat, you gotta whip out your card and pay. The same goes for me and mine and Chris and McDonald's.”

“He got McDonald's!”

Yeah, and I got Burger King. If you want Wendy's tell me and I'll try to get it for you.”

Hell yeah!”

Ok, so what I'll do is get you these and the Wendy's and I can count on you signing, right?”


Ok, so what I'm going to tell you now is I'm going to shut off the endorsements for you right now so I can get the other guys to making money. However, what we're trying to do is swing some deals which are for the entire team.”

What are those?”

We're trying to get Nike, or a shoe endorsement for the entire team. I'm also trying to get us clothing and sport clothing so we look good and hopefully don't gotta pay a lot to dress nice. It's my hope my hair lady will cut everyone's hair and make everyone look good, but if not, we'll find a hair place all over the country and get them to be endorsed.

Also, if you want a car, and if it's a GM, let me know. I'll get you one. We've got a bunch of cars out on the lot right now, so if you want one of those, you can have it.”

Who got the Lamborghini?”

Chris, but you can have the Ferrari if you want.”

Hell yeah!”

Ok, that's yours. Get the keys from Jan and be prepared to have that as a part of your contract. If I can, I'll try shuffling you the Ferrari account your way if they'll let us represent them. Ok?”


Good, now, let's go help Ren get his shit into the truck.”

Where'd you meet him?”

Madonna introduced us. He was in a video of hers.”


He's a matador. You might recognize him from that video.”

Oh man, I remember the video.”

He's hot, isn't he?”

Man! He's better than good looking. I mean, you're hot, but he's just day and night hotter.”

I know. It's sort of the type of looks which take your breath away. I get the same way about it.”

Is that guy who you saw for me that good looking?”

He's really good looking, but his looks are more rugged. Do you know that type which advertises suits and has a coat thrown over his shoulder?”


That's the sort of guy.”

Ok, so I'll be happy.”

If all you go off of is looks, you'll never be happy. IF you get to know him then you'll be happy.”

What happened between you and Robbie?”

He shoved a pistol in my face this morning and he cheated with Kit yesterday. That's why Chris is single now too.”

Chris didn't say anything about it flying over.”

No, but the reason I had him come over today was so he'd not beat Robbie's ass at school and then Robbie skipped out and came here.”

What'd you do to him?”

Distracted him and then threw my crystal football at him. It hit him in the forehead and knocked him out cold.”

My dad said you nearly killed him.”

Well, he nearly killed me, so I think it would've been found self defense. Just the same, he's not on the team anymore and he's not with me ever again.”

I don't blame you.”

What I am doing is I'm going to file a restraining order with Mike so he can be served and made to stay away from me. IF he comes this way again, I won't be nice one second.”

Your security should see to it that he doesn't get in any more.”

Yeah, but if he wanted to get at me, all he'd have to do is go up the fire escape at the Mansion and he'd be able to get me.”

Don't let him know that.”

I'm not, but we can't ever think we're safe. You just know one thing. Today it was him, but it could've been a crazy fan who wanted to kill you because he lost a bet with Billy Joe Bob over a bet and you made that touch down.”

Oh man!”

Yeah, so that's why I'm zipping this place up and making sure we're safe. IF he can get in, anyone can.”

I never thought of that.”

You're a star now. You gotta think of that sort of thing.”

You'll help, right?”

Yeah, and hopefully, your dad will help too. I want him to double make sure the security guy is earning his money. I trust your dad, but that guy got lazy once and I have an inkling he'll do it again.”


If he does, he's fired. I've already given him his last warning this morning.”

What'd he do?”

First of all, he ordered out for the glass to be repaired instead of having his guys do it. Second of all, the glass got broke because Robbie shot when his head got hit and he killed a rat. My question then was, why was there a rat there if I paid to have them all removed yesterday?”

You did?”

Yeah, but that asshole went to the Orkin man and told him not to worry about it. Now we gotta wait until later in the week for them to come and get it done.”

I need to ask you a question. I know you haven't owned the stadium for very long, but it's in my brain.”

Ok, shoot.”

Why don't you have events in here like the bull riding and the monster trucks? I mean, they have them everywhere else.”

Hmmm, you're right. I could do that. I might be able to even have bull fighting!”

Yeah, but would a lot of people come to see that?”

They do over in Spain and over here, they'll go to see wrestling which is fake as all get out.”


I think we could either do that or get a soccer team in here so we could have those games also. Your dad has shown me the end zone carpets can come up, so we could get different ones. I'll have to look into all we can have in here.”

We went out the door and I saw the guys were loading two of the trunks on top of the Suburban. Chris was up on top of it and really lugging his guts out. “Chris be careful, we can't afford to have you broken.”

I'm ok” With that said, he jumped off the truck and did a flip. He landed and ran forward.

Dammit Chris! If you broke your ankle, that'd be a fifty million dollar break!”

Oh man!”

Yeah, you gotta think of your body in dollars and cents now!”


That's ok, you didn't hurt yourself, but the next time you want to do that, ask yourself if you'd throw fifty million around like that and I bet you decide you wouldn't.”

He smiled, “No, I'd put me in the bank!”

Well, you might find a teller there who would blow a hundred bucks.”

He laughed and Dan started chuckling.

I said, “Come on guys, load up. Did the bus already leave?”

Yeah, they're taking the contract guys out with them.”

Damn, I forgot them again!”

They're our money bud, you gotta remember them!”

Yeah, but I'd remember a player.”

We drove over to the Mansion and pulled up. Darrell got a cart and brought it out. “I'll get this guys.”

I appreciate it Darrell. You push those and we'll carry these. That way, we've got it in just a few trips.”

We carried the trunks to the elevator and Dan said, “Guys, pile them on and then have one of us go up with them. He can pull them out the door and then the rest of us can ride up and get them upstairs.”

Some of them won't be going upstairs. They'll be going with him all over the world. His clothes can stay here while he's away, but he'll need his costumes and swords...or whatever those spears are.”

Ren smiled at me. I asked, “Is that ok if you live here and fly to wherever to do your shows?”

Yes, if you like.”

I like it a lot.”

We loaded the trunks on and found three of us could ride up with the trunks. I went up as did Dan and Pendergrass. When we got up there, I pushed the top trunk and it barely budged, “What in the hell did he pack?!”

It's heavy enough to be gold.”

I bet his airline bill was terrible!”

Well, he'll be able to fly on your jet now, right?” Dan asked.

Yeah, if it doesn't overload the plane. I'd hate to have to have him fly the 747 just for these trunks.”

Whatever he needs, get it for him. He seems like a nice guy.”

He is.”

Dan gave me a look and asked, “Are you happy?”

I am so far. I read him and he's on the up and up. He's a bit sad, but I'd probably be if I had to retire from football.”

He has to retire?”

He got a groin injury. It nearly killed him. He lived, but his mom and sisters made him promise he'd retire. He's got to do this promotional tour and three months back home in order to have enough to live on ten grand a year for the rest of his life.”

Oh man.”

Yeah, so needless to say, I can't tell him I know that, so I've got to find a way to make him some money and be able to hold his head up.”

With his looks, he could get modeling jobs.”

Yeah, but he seems real dependant upon his partner.”

You saw that?”

I saw him with his ex. His ex really hurt him bad.”


He up and disappeared and came back married. It turned out he had it planned all along.”


What I think is there's some real hurt feelings over a ring. I didn't see it, but I know a ring is what caused him to be hit by a bull once. He saw it and then, was distracted.”

I think dodging bulls would scare the hell out of me.”

I see what he sees in it. It's not really that hard and it's a real valiant job.”

Not hard?”

Think about it. Over here, we have bulls with a rope tied on them to make them buck. We're seeing them doing what comes naturally.

Over there, they don't have that rope on so they're goaded into doing what they want. I'm sure if they had their choice, they'd be out on a pasture munching on clover. IF you and I were deliberately pissed off and shoved into a ring with someone, we'd go after them too.”

We slid out the last trunk and sent the elevator down.

Dan asked, “Why is he over here?”

Honestly, I think it's a house full of hen pecking women. He's the man of the house and his mom lives there. Rather than put up with all the sisters and mom, he's heading to somewhere where he can have a chance at a future which will be better.”

What if he wants to bring them all over here?”

That'd be fine, but I'd have to have he and I a place and she and them a place.”

How old is he?”

Twenty seven.”

How old are his sisters?”

Younger and older. I think the youngest is nineteen.”

And none of them are married?”

I think one is dating, but the others seem fine with not dating.”

Oh man, no wonder he left.”

The rest of the guys rode up and Ren looked around. “So big!”

Yeah, it's good sized.”

Where do you want my things?”

What trunk is your clothes in.”

All of them.”


My costumes are in one and all the rest is my clothes.”

Sheesh! You have that many clothes?”

No, shoes is in one.”

Dan started chuckling, “I had a wife like that once.”

Well, let's get them carried up to the bedroom so we've got them from down here.”

I grabbed one and Chris grabbed the other end. “This must be shoes.”

No, that's costumes.”

They weigh this much?!”

They're complete costumes since I was little.”

Dan really started laughing. “Now we know why everything's so heavy. He's held onto all his clothes since he was little.”

DJ said, “He's not very big now!”

We all really started laughing as we lugged up the trunks.

In the bedroom, I said, “Ren, we'll unpack things later tonight. Ok?”


Back down the steps and another trip up, we got everything up there. We made quick work of it as I went and got a Sundrop. Chris waited for me to put it to my lips and then yelled, “That soda better be worth it! It's a six billion dollar soda you're drinking!”

And it's good! Now, for your information, it doesn't say in the contract we've got to drink only their product. It says we can eat, drink, and be merry. What it doesn't say is we can be drunk in public.”

I turned to Pendergrass and said, “Pend, I need to speak with you. Do you want it in private, or public?”

What's it about?”

The endorsement contracts and you signing on to the team.”

You can speak in front of everyone.”

Ok, they know the drill, so I'm just bringing you up to speed.”

I told him about the contracts and endorsement fees. When I was finished, I asked him, “Do you want to sign on?”

Yeah, for ten years, right?”


Ok, but at the end, I'm retiring.”

IF you want, but you might find you like it enough to coach, be a sports announcer, or whatever.”

That'd be cool.”

I think so too. Me, I'd not want to coach, but I wouldn't mind being in a booth announcing. I doubt if they'd let me since I own a team and wouldn't be partial, but I think they'd be wrong.”

Did Chris and DJ sign on for the same?”

Chris is on for fifteen, like me. DJ is on for ten.”

Why'd you guys go for fifteen?”

Our endorsement contracts state fifteen years.”

Do you think you can put up with it that long?”

Yeah, when you're paid several hundred million a year to do something, you can do anything.”

“Well, I guess you're right. Swing me a deal like that and I'll stay on.”

I'll work on it. I've got you the AT&T contract and we're getting you Johnson & Johnson. I do know we're going to have a Popeye's and Church's contract which will be fifteen.”


Yeah, it's fifteen million a year.”

SO I'd be making around thirty million a year.”

Yeah, but as I said, if we get a Nike or shoe endorsement and a clothing endorsement, we'll have all that too.”

That'd be cool.”

Ren said, “You guys are rich!”

You'll be too. Don't worry.”

Do you think so?”

Yeah, I'll get you something. Don't worry.”

I'd like GE.”

I turned to Dan and said, “Damn, I never called them, but he's got them, ok?”

Sure, he thought of them.”

I jumped up and down, “Great! I've got him something he can push. Now all I gotta do is find him a job on the team.”

I'll be your ball boy.”

Chris started giggling and it wasn't long before everyone was laughing.

Ok, you can be my ball boy.”

What's so funny!”

Nothing Ren, you're great. I'm sure I'll be happy with you handling my balls.”

By then, Chris was grabbing his sides. “Oh man, that's sweet!”

We went down and then drove to the airport. At the airport, the contract people were waiting. We made a rush to get on the little jet and as soon as I climbed on, I was really impressed. “Man, this is nice!”

It's our team colors!” Dan said running his hand along the leather bench.

We sat down and soon we were in the sky. I went forward and asked the pilot. “Is there any way you can tell that 747 to slow it down so we can arrive and be there to greet them?”

Your package is safe. They locked the door back there.”

Good. We don't want them loading it off onto that bus.”

They thought you might be concerned.”

I was. Now, in the future, if that guy ever wants a ride in any of our jets again, you tell him absolutely not. IF he pulls out a pistol, you take him where he wants to go, but it's hijacking when it happens. You got me?”

Yes sir.”

He rode with a pistol on him this morning and I had it waved in my face when he got there. That's why he's trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey now.”

I didn't know who to call.”

Here's my number. Don't hesitate if you see him trying to get a ride in the future.”

Will we be flying you often?”

I'm using this jet for my individual appearances. In the upcoming few months, you'll be flying Renaldo to where he's going to be performing and possibly either I'll be flying to Madrid, or he'll be flying home from there.

He's got to do that for three months over there and then things will be calming down.”

I turned and asked, “Did my film people get on the big jet?”


Good, I forgot them.”

Chris chuckled, “You can't make your money if you're not remembering them!”

I know, everything was such a rush, I just forgot.”

It's going to take you a bus for all your peoples.” DJ said.

I'll have to see if I can get either a limo or a van for us all to ride in. It's going to be a pain since I just can't ride anywhere alone.”

Ren asked, “Could I endorse Mrs Paul's fish sticks?”

Sure, I've not got that covered either.”

Dan said, “Let's make him a list of who we need to call for him.”

Ok, but I really want my film people to do him too. I realize he's going to be in Madrid for a few months, but I can work over there and get some great shots of things. I'm not sure if we can get GM vehicles over there, but it'd be cool to have them up by a castle or someplace.”

Ren asked, “What about Saab?”

I'll call my guy with GM. I think they own them. If he'll agree, then we'll get them for you.”

Ren said, “I can speak seven languages. Tell them I can do that.”

Ok, what are those?” Dan asked.

French, Spanish, Portugese, Italian, German, Greek, and English.”

That's a good variety. It's got most of the world covered.”

I asked, “You don't speak Mandarin?”

No, they promised me a translator.”

Ok, because you'll need a translator for a lot of places you'll be going.”

You know where I'll be going?”

Yeah, after Seattle, it's going to be Australia for six shows. Then you're going to be going to China, Russia, and then to Turkey. After Turkey, you're going back to Madrid for your three months and then back home with me hopefully.”

He smiled, “I'd like that.”

I hope either I can spend some time in Spain or you can fly home in between with me. I don't know how much time you'll spend doing the bullfighting, but either way, I'll make time.”

IF you're not in the play offs.”

We'll be in the play offs, but we're only coming in third.”

You know this!” Chris yelled

Yeah, we'd be in contention for better, but we've got to thank our other team mates who got fired for not winning more. The good thing is we make a respectable showing and we do our best to make the ones who doubt us into believers.”

Dan said, “When we get home, I'll start making these calls for him. What do I ask for in the contracts?”

First and foremost we want money and multiple year contracts. Try to get fifteen years if you can, but go for the length and as much as you can for that length. What I do is I sneak in the fifteen on them. IF I tell them twenty, they can do the math real quick and realize they're paying out three hundred million. With fifteen times fifteen, they get lost and don't realize it's two hundred and twenty five million.”

Oh! So that's why you did that!”

Yeah, it's sneaky, but I'd rather give up some than lose totally. It's seventy five million, but hey, that two twenty five is three times what we lost.

Now, on the next thing, you've got to tell them he's gay and he's partnered. They could use that against him to violate the contract.

You also need to throw in double indemnity if either party breaks the contract. Yeah, it could have him paying them a lot of money if he breaks it, but most likely, it'll be them who breaks it. I'll tell you now, if they're a good reputable company, they'll not break it.

Another thing you want to do is to sell him as being honest, forthright, and not swaying on that to sell their product. Then, you ask for creative and artistic control with them having editorial license. Then, you ask for him to have his own film crew he picks and tell them we're working with that already and everyone's agreeing to it.”

Who is working with that?” DJ asked

I am. Chris is, and most of the guys are. They'll use my film crew and we'll keep them hopping instead of concentrating on how complex they can make a commercial.”

That sounds hard.”

Not really. What I do is I think about the product.

With a GM car, I have to focus on a few things I have to get across. One is dependability. Another is trade in value. Another is fuel economy And then, there's styling. You always use words like 'newly designed' instead of redesigned if it's not a new model for that year. Or, if it's not really a change at all, then you say, 'freshly styled' which gives the illusion it's changed, but all that might've changed is the grill, hubcaps, or tail light lenses.

If it's a sports car, you throw in sporty, hot, peppy, powerful, and speed. IF it's a truck, you tell them about towing, hauling, roomy, and powerful...and then, you say the name of the engine it uses.

For Pepsi, it's rather simple. You tell about refreshing, great tasting, invigorating, and stress fun. I don't really think that about them, but if pressed, I could say it's got the same great taste which has pleased people forever...which is another way of saying it's still the same old tired flavor that grandma and grandpa knew.”

Everyone chuckled.

With Nestle, nothing has to sell them. You peel back the wrapper and just chow on it and smile. One thing you need to always do is smile.

And that brings me to another lesson folks, and that is mouth hygiene. Never ever eat a purple Tootsie Pop before you do a commercial and don't eat black licorice. You use a good toothpaste and brush afterwards with baking soda and then, rinse with peroxide. It whitens your teeth and your tongue isn't an icky color.

IF for example you don't know how to say a word, then practice it until you can't think of anything but that one damned word. You speak forcefully, but not sounding like you're voice is going high, or you're yelling. A high squeaky voice implies you're nervous and lying.

Another thing, always look that camera in the eye and don't look away from it. If you look away, then it tells the viewer you're lying and don't believe what you just said.

And lastly, so I get off the soap box here. When you do a commercial, you wear clothes which are believable for that commercial. Don't go into a Jack in the Box in a three piece suit, but don't go into an Outback steakhouse in sweats. It just tells the viewer something's not right there and you're that item.”

I sat back and then leaned forward. “I almost forgot. When you're doing a commercial where live people are, be absolutely sure you've got other people in the shot, but they're not looking at the camera. You want a restaurant to look busy, but you don't want to appear like you're in a huge crowd and they'll never get served if they go there.”

Dan nodded, “Every single thing he brought up is true. It sounds like he's done his homework.”

I watch television and look for mistakes in the commercials. The biggest one I think I've ever seen is someone wearing a Harley Davidson shirt in a Honda commercial. I had to laugh because I sure bet Harley didn't pay for that spot. Speaking of which, we don't have any motorcycle manufacturers on that list and we don't have any power tools either.”

Dan nodded, “Good looking out. How about tractors?”

None either.”


I called Toshiba, but they've not called back. One thing I need to tell you about when you call GE for him, tell them you want a contract which has him representing all their divisions. They've got everything from refrigerators to toasters and washers and driers, but they've also got locomotives and jet engines. They've got light bulbs and they've got televisions, radios, and vcrs. If you do that for him, he'll stay busy, but he'll be getting paid from every division like I am for GM and PepsiCo.”

Dan asked, “How are you doing the other contracts?”

Here's what I've got in mind to do it real fast. I'm scanning these contracts and I'm playing hard ball with them. Chris saw me in action today and he thought I was a complete prick to the guy, but he also saw me get what I wanted.

What I'll be doing is I'll be going through the contracts and telling them to fix it and get to the end of the line. When a contract is good, then I'm putting it on a slip of paper and I'm putting it in a hat by the monetary amount.

It's my hope to have as many people as I can with a huge contract like a Ford, GE in Ren's case, PepsiCo in mine, or something like Black and Decker, or a multi division company. That way the contract is huge and that person is instantly busy, but I'm not worrying about getting them paid from receipts.

DJ is taken care of. Pendergrass needs another, but then he's taken care of. I need to get at least eighteen more people covered, but I've got at least four times that many contracts.”

Really?” Deej asked.

Yeah, think about it. I've got Nestle'. That means someones' got M&M/Mars, and another has Brachs. We've got Wrigleys, and we've got Werther's. Basicly, I went down a convenience store aisle and thought of everything they've got. That means both Little Debbie and Hostess. It also means Jay's, and all the other chips I could think of. I've got pizzas and restaurants. Cars, and computers. Phones, and Cable companies.”

Satellite companies?”

No, add them to the list. As you can see, it was easy getting the list made and what was great about it was most of these people wanted us immediately. Yeah, Burger King was a bitch to deal with, but I went back and got them for five million more.”

Chris laughed, “He got me six million bonus and him thirty just because a guy kept lying!”

Dan said, “How?”

Chris said, “The guy brought in a contract and it wasn't what he agreed to. The guy lied and said that's what they approved.

He told the guy if he was jacking him on his time, he'd charge them by the day what we make on the football field. He told the guy I made sixty grand and he made three hundred.

Then he told the guy if he picked up the phone and called the guy that it'd be ten times that. He did and then, got it approved.

Then, the guy said he wasn't authorized to approve the bonus he threw on and that's when Jake multiplied it by ten again and told the guy he did have approval for it and that the guy wanted my signature on the paper and one more lie would multiply it by ten again.

When it was over, Jake had thirty million and I had six payable on November first which is next Monday.”

I said, “Guys, it's like this. I'll go in and talk with the company. I deal and negotiate and I remember everything. Then, if they try to back out on that contract, I make them pay. I call the person I dealt with and I get it approved again and then, I make them pay. IF you back off, agree to what wasn't agreed upon, or agree to what is less than what you agreed, you're screwing yourselves.

ME, I hold my end a hundred percent and I expect you guys to as well. BUT, if a contract gets broke, I want them to be the one who does it and as soon as it happens, I'll be in there telling them to get you the double indemnity or I'll sue the shit out of them.”

Dan nodded, “He's doing it right. It might sound rough, but as you saw Chris, the guy sure wasn't wanting to step off from screwing you. He wanted you to bend and once you did, he'd have all sorts of things added to the contract which probably would've included him crossing out that price you got paid and lowering it.”

We were given the fifteen minute notice and I used the sky phone to call Jack and Roger. They said they'd meet us at the airport with the vehicles.

When we landed, I took Dan, Ren, and Chris with me and gave DJ and Pendergrass the Roadmaster. We drove to Columbia and arrived just as the 747 pulled up.

I don't know if you've stood under a 747, but the thing is tall. It's long and it's wide. You can stand up in the engine opening and be blown three hundred feet from the engine's wash. The thing is just awesome.

When the stair truck came out, I tipped the guy and said, “Go get yourself a Coke.” He looked at the fifty and smiled. “Sure fella.”

We ran up the steps and had Robbie carried out before the other guys had a chance to realize Robbie had been back there all along. Once he was safely stuffed into the Suburban between Chris and Pendergrass, I went over to the film crew and told them we'd meet up at the stadium as that's where I'd film first. I apologized for the oversights, but they assured me it was great getting to know the guys.

Once on the road, we made it back home in no time. I drove on to the airport and Chris roughly pulled the tape off Robbie's mouth. That's when I spoke with him, “Robbie, you're back in Moberly. The flight crews here have been told never to fly you there again and if you dare use the pistol, it's highjacking which is a federal crime.

You aren't being untied because your dad will do that when he gets here. At that time, he'll serve you a restraining order barring you from being near me. If you do come near me again, I'll kill you. It's that simple and I can't be any more direct than that.”

Fuck you man!”

You might've had that opportunity when Jared housed your body, but I'll repeat again, if you have that séance at his house, you and all those there with you will die. It's not a joke and I'm not laughing. You were told and tomorrow night on Jay Leno, I'm going to say it so everyone gets told at once. That way, if you think they weren't warned, they were and I pity them if they do go through with it.

Your problem is you're going back home to a family you've treated like dirt and they now have to face the fact you're back and Jared's gone. I've faced it, but as much as I loved him, I can't stand you.”

That goes for me too you punk!”

Well, then keep that true and stay away from me.”

Dan and Pendergrass carried him over to his car. I fished his keys from his pocket and opened the door. They threw him into the back seat and I put the keys into the door on the driver's side. That's when I dialed Mike.


It's me.”

How are you?”

It's going good. I called to tell you Robbie is out at the airport in his car duct taped and bound. He's back to being Robbie and Jared's totally gone. Serve him with a restraining order to stay away from me and stress to him if he comes near me again, I'll kill him. You also tell him if he goes near Jared's house, he and all those people at that séance will die.”

I'll be sure he doesn't go. He's grounded. His mom and I worked to strip his room and he's going to bare essentials to where he's got to be an active and friendly part of our family in order to get things back.”

Have a talk with the judge and tell him his daughter was an accessory into attempted murder and extortion. You tell him I've got it all on tape what she was a part of and I'll not hesitate to use it against her should I need to. I can't prove it any other way, but I hate this because I think it will affect our working relationship.”

It won't.”

I hope not, but I do know blood is awfully thick. But I want you to know the moment he becomes a partner in your firm, I'll pull everything from you.”

I don't know if I can have him in it or not.”

Well, you just realize I'll come swooping in to use the tapes should he ever be considered for a bench which isn't an elected post. He might fool people to get elected, but he's sure not going to be appointed.”

I realize he's messed up bad.”

Mike, there's no forgiveness this time. Don't count on it happening because it won't happen.

You weren't facing the gun and I would have died before I gave him one fucking thing. That death would have been just as permanent and if you don't think my money would have gotten him a slap on the wrist yours would have here, you think again.”

I know that.”

Well, you got him back and that's all I want with him. You get his name off my properties and I don't care how you do it.”

I'll get it done.”

I think you're a great guy and from what I know of your wife, I'm sure she's a great person too. You raised a real shitty kid and I just don't know how it could've happened.”

Me neither, but it's about to change.”

Well, he and the cheating bitch deserve each other. I hope they have a happy life together and I really hope they give each other what they gave others. IF so, you'll see them living in hell because without each other it's not socially acceptable and the people I pity is their kids should he ever spawn any.”

I hope he grows up by then.”

One last thing before I get off here. I own a house down the street from the judge. IF it gets fucked with, I'll assure you they'll be burned out.”

Don't say that.”

I'm promising you that. You might be prosecuting attorney but you have a kid who thinks he's above the law. When it happens, and I'm not saying IF it happens, you just rest assured I'll not hesitate to see money buys retribution in ways I'm covered to next Sunday with alibis and witnesses.”

Ok, I'll lay down the law about that too.”

Lay it down, and you tell him that house is going to be on the restraining order also. IF her house is within that five hundred feet, she's got to walk to the edge of it so she can get in his car for a date. I'll hire people to see it's held to and I expect you to prosecute it should it need be.”

I will, but he's not going to have a car to go on a date.”

That's on you and your wife whether you do or not, but I'll tell you now, should either Kit or he show up at a football game where I play, I'll stop the game and wait until they're arrested. You know I know John here and you ought to know John will work awfully hard for me if I mail him a Christmas card with an extra fifty grand in it.”

I understand.”

I can't stress it any harder Mike. I'm not drawing the line on saying he can or can't go into any of those businesses which have my name on them with Grant, but you stress to him I could be a real hard ass and make it awfully uncomfortable for him should I want to.”

I hadn't thought of that. You're entirely correct.”

Well, he's heard every word I've just told you so if he thinks I won't stoop to knock him off his little jailbird perch, then he needs to think again, but mind you this...if I need to get him into jail, I can also see he's got a lot of buddies while he's in there.”

I understand. I'm on my way out there. You tell him if he thinks he just got off light, tell him he's got another thing coming. As of now, his sister owns that car and she'll be welcome to trade it in when she turns sixteen for whatever she wants.”

Ok, is she better than him?”

I think so. She can't stand him.”

Well, I wish her well. I know you guys come from good people, that's why it's really disappointing the way this has gone.”

I agree completely.”

Bye now.”

You going to be at the ball field?”


I'll get you a copy of the restraining order there.”

Ok, if I'm not there, I'll be filming a commercial at my big house.”

Ok, I'll see you soon.”

Thanks Mike.”

I hung up and said, “Let's get to the stadium.”

We hopped in the Suburban and went to the school. At the school, I went in and dressed into my uniform. Once dressed, I went out and signed autographs of a lot of fellow students.

A news camera from KMOV TV was there and I did a quick interview. They asked about my qualifications to play both pro and high school football and I laid out the guidelines with them. I then looked straight into the camera and said, “If anyone would like to come off your team to try out for the Angels, feel free to give our offices a call. A lot of people are sure happier they did.”

When the interview was over, I went out onto the field. Grant came out and called a team meeting.

Ok everyone, Jake is back and we're going to run scrimmages with both he and Jordan. Jordan did pretty well last night and I'd like to give him a compliment on how well he melded into our group.

As you can see, we've got another member on our team. His name is Renaldo. Although he's not a student, he is on the Angels now, so I've invited him over to be our honorary team member.”

Grant paused and said, “As most of you know, Robbie Musselman is back off the team. He pulled a stupid stunt this morning and he's lucky he's not going to jail for a long time.

He and his girlfriend are both not welcome within five hundred feet of our team. They both are being served with restraining orders right now and although it doesn't protect Jake from them being stupid, it does hold weight in court should they decide that's what they want to be. Should you see them near here, you yell for my attention and I'll have a cop here to take them to jail.”

Ummm, coach?”

Yeah, Sweaney.”

Kit's standing over there at the entrance now.”

I turned to Grant and said, “If the bitch pulls a pistol, I'm going to nail her in the forehead with a football.”

I picked up a football and chucked it. It flew past her head and she gave a startled look. Grant went over and soon, she was gone.

Jake, here's the ball back. Good lookin' out Sweaney.”

Yeah, thanks Sweaney.” I added. “You could've saved my life right then.”

What happened?”

Grant said, “GO ahead and tell them so they've got the right story.”

I said, “Guys, many of you might or might've knew Robbie and I were together. Well, last night, someone caught he and Kit making out under the bleachers. Well, that was her cheating on Chris and Robbie cheating on me.

Needless to say, I called and confronted him about it. He hung up on me, so I called his dad. His dad got told we were now broke up and I wanted his name off of everything it was on of mine. Then, he got told to keep Robbie away from me.

I thought it best Chris come to the stadium so he wasn't here to beat the hell out of Robbie today. Needless to say, I was surprised when I went into my office and there sat Robbie.

Well, come to find out, my little jet was delivered here and no one bothered to tell me. They also never bothered to tell me Robbie had commandeered the jet and headed my way.

So, as I said, he was sitting in my office. He had a pistol and waved it in my face and told me I was going to sign everything over to him or I'd die. Needless to say, he got told to get fucked.

Instead, I wrote out a quit claim form and slid it across to him and told him to sign it. He looked at it and that's when I took the crystal football on my desk and nailed him in the forehead with it. He fell back, the gun went off, and it shot out the window up into the rafters and killed a rat.

We took pictures and then duct taped him and hog tied him. He stayed like that all day until he got back here and I left him for his dad to get ahold of him.

He's now stripped of all his rich kid toys and he's got a restraining order. He does have the cheating ass bitch, but she lives within five hundred feet of my new house, so if he wants to go over to see her, he's got to have her come see him because she can live there, but she can't come closer to my house.

Lastly, I want to say this so each and every one of you know and can pass word around. Robbie and the bitch are planning on holding a séance with a bunch of rich kids on Sunday night, which is Halloween.

Jared has forewarned Robbie if it happens, each and every person who is there will die in the same exact manner as Jared did. Then when their bodies are found, they'll be laid out on the driveway spelling out JARED with their bodies.

IF you or any one you know is planning on attending this séance, be advised, it's not a threat, but it's a promise from Jared that everyone there will die. He was pissed when he said it but one thing I've learned is Jared was a great guy but when he's pissed, he's pretty powerful.”

Someone asked, “Aren't most of us going to be in Dallas on Sunday?”

Yes, and what I'd like to say is this. I realize most of the time our boosters get our teams support when we're on the road. Because this is the pro team playing, they can't make that offer. SO, as most of you know, I've got three jets.

What I'll do is I'll shuttle anyone who wants to go down there and I'll get you tickets to get in. That means anyone and that means we're going to be shuttling plane fulls back and forth until they're all down there.

I don't know how long the flight is, but I imagine it's a couple of hours. IF we can, I'll get the jets all off the ground here at five thirty am and then again at nine thirty am. It's a Sunday, so air traffic should be slow in the morning. It'll take leasing buses down there to get you from the airport, but I'll foot that bill. Just promise me you all will sit together and wear the Angel colors because the Spartan colors are the Dallas colors.”

Grant chuckled, “I hadn't thought of that!”

ANY yellow, or gold will do. IF not that, then wear the Mizzou colors so we're known from being from Missouri. I'd like nothing better than Grant to find out on Monday that his businesses had absolutely no customers on Sunday. And by the way, if your people need eats, tell them I'll find ways of getting them fed.”

Grant's eyes got big, “Oh man, you're not seriously thinking about that!”

Grant, they said unlimited and I do believe your restaurants are going to be reimbursed if we use our cards to feed them. My advice is to use your Go boxes at KFC and put Big Macs in Happy meal boxes at McDonald's. I think you could do the same at Long John Silvers, but I'd have as many pizzas as you could make at Pizza Hut because I'm planning on feeding a bunch of people.”

Grant said, “Jake! DO you know what that's going to be like?”

Yeah, it means a helluva pay day to your restaurants all being reimbursed, so rack up the charges and let them see I meant it when I negotiated that into our contracts.”

Everyone cheered and Grant said, “Get out on the field you hoodlums!”

I ran out on the field and lined up my offense. What was funny is I looked to my left and not three feet away was Renaldo.

Ren, you can't be out here!”

Why not?”

Grant whistled, “Let him stay Jake!”

He'll get hurt!”

Grant whistle three short bursts. “Guys, don't hit Renaldo.”

I thought to myself, Yeah, like that did a lot of good!”

I snapped the ball into action and said came back. I handed it to Renaldo and said, “Run!”


That end!”


It's keep away. They want it and you got it. Now go!”

He took off running and everyone stood there and stared.

I went off the field and said, “Give me an advantage of having my player an untouchable and I'll use him!”

That wasn't real fair Jake.”

He can run. We found that out!”

He can.”

He can throw too. Now, let him watch it from the sidelines so he can see what it's really supposed to look like.”


I went back out onto the field and yelled, “Huddle!”

Everyone huddled and I said, “Guys, that was a test to see if Renaldo can run. As you see, he passed the test.”

Is he going to be a quarterback?”

Third string. He's still got to learn how to play, but we're going to teach him.”

SO he's like you.”

Yeah, the difference is he was a professional bullfighter. He's used to stepping out of the way when big ugly things come at him. Now we've just got to teach him the rest.”

Chris said, “Torrence, he was referring to you when he said big and ugly.”

Suck one Chris.”

Hey, when you grow a clit, I'll suck it and then, I'm fucking it.”


Chris smiled, “Don't start into that sex talk because that's when Jake starts doing his sex talk and grosses me.”

Hey, bend over if you can't take it. I'll make you think otherwise.”

No can do, My ass isn't famous enough to take that famous dick.”

Everyone laughed, and I said, “Oh, I think your ass has star potential.”

Grant sent Jordan in, “Coach wants me to come in and you to go out and explain things to Renaldo.”


Is he moving in?”

Yeah, he's already moved in. When you get home, take a look in my room and see the number of trunks. Then try to move one because each one took two guys to lift.”

Big trunks?”


Four of them!”


Man, what'd he pack!”

He said he has costumes in there from when he was little, so I'd say he probably saved all his clothes from when he was little.”

Costumes, what's he do?”

He's a bullfighter.”

Oh, that's cool.”

Do you remember the video Madonna did with the bullfighter?”


Look at him and see if they're identical.”

Oh man!”

Yeah, by the way, she's going to be filming at the apartment starting on Monday.”


Yeah, so get your ideas ready for how you want to redecorate and remodel because it's getting done as soon as she's done.”


Grant's whistle blew. “Guys, you two can gossip later! Right now, I need to play some football!”

I turned to Jordan and said, “Come on, he wants to play, let's have him show us how it's done.”


He used to quarterback, let's have him show us.”

You've got to be kidding me!”

I ran off the field with the ball and handed it to Grant. “There, you're quarterback now. Show us how it's done.”


Hey, I'm looking for back up quarterbacks. Don't think I won't put your ass out on the field if I need you. Now, go out there and show the guys you still know what it's about.”

He gave a little smile. “Ok smart ass.”

He ran out onto the field and Jordan came running off. “I can't believe he's going to do it!'

It gives him a little boost, so that's great. He'd have to be the oldest quarterback in the NFL.”

Oh man!”

Yeah, but he'd be fourth string. We've got to get Renaldo taught to be third.”

Does he know how to play?”

He knows how to run and he can throw. Now all we gotta do is get the rest taught.”

Grant put the ball into play and ran back. The team went into motion and Chris went out for the pass. Grant threw it and it whistled right into Chris's arms. I was impressed because as big and muscular as Grant was, that pass was perfect.

He came off the field and I said, “Do you realize you made that look perfect?”

Yeah, now go imitate it because I'm just not seeing you do it today. You're trying to get everyone else to do your job.”

We're playing Dallas, what do you expect!”

We're playing Helias and it's Homecoming. I expect not to lose!'

Oh damn!”

Yeah, this is the Spartan's Jake, I need damned good playing.”

You'll get it. It's a shame but Helias probably has a better team than Dallas.”

But I don't want them to have a better team than me. Now get out there and practice!”

Ok, jeez.”

I ran out and said, “Guys, this is it for real. I totally blew off we were playing Helias. I've got to get serious now.”

I called the ball into play and the hike came sailing back to me. I looked right and left and then saw DJ open. I threw it and then got sacked hard. I got up and said, “Good hit.”


Hey, that's what you guys were supposed to do.”

He ran back and we went into another play. I put it into play and ran back. Somewhere along the line of the play, I thought to myself, It's pretty easy for your opponents to study your team when you're on national tv the week before you play.

I threw the ball and Mathias was there. I was totally expecting Baker to be there from the Angels, but it was hard getting used to Mathias not being as tall and as fast. He caught it, but it was surreal in the realizations of different players. Fortunately, Grant sent Jordan in.

I ran off the field and Grant said, “Your mind's not on the game.”

It is, but it's just strange.”


I was expecting Baker to be there and when I saw Mathias, it was weird. Also, right as the play kicked in, I realized our opposing high school teams are getting to scout us by watching us on television.”

You're right. Now that means we've got to kick it up a notch. I hadn't thought of it either, but that's just scary.”

After the play, Grant called the team over. “Guys, Jake just told me something I hadn't thought about and that is the other team we play is now able to study our plays while we're playing on nationwide television.

That thought is scary and it just plain has me nervous because we're giving it all up by doing it. So, starting now, we're going to go into the mode which Jake was playing when he first started.

Any of you guys who can get open, do. You leave him unprotected and you get down the field. He'll find you, but that's how it's got to be on this one. They've probably studied the plays to death, so they'll expect to see our plays. They won't consider we're playing a different game now.”

I said, “Guys, here's what I want from Defense. You hit us like you're being paid a thousand bucks each hit to knock us on our asses. If you sack me, you play that's a ten thousand dollar bonus. I can't pay you as a high school team, but if we play like it's about the money, we'll certainly have our defense to where they're shocked at the power.”

Grant said, “Guys, Jake can't pay high school. You heard that. It's illegal as hell, however it just crossed my mind I can entice you with other items. IF you put a man on his ass, that's a Big Mac. IF you sack the quarterback, that's a pizza at Pizza Hut. If you make a touch down, then that's a tank of gas and if you get me an interception, I'll allow you to name your first born after me. Now, get out there and show me it can be done.”

You fucked up Grant.”


They think it's all now and not on Friday.”

Oh man!”

I ran out and said, “Nothing but tanks of gas guys!”

I put it into play and to say the lines hit each other hard was an understatement. I'd never seen the line hit as hard as they were before. It was like war was unleashed and I went back. No one was open, so I ran it off to the side and down. I nearly got tackled, but at the last second, I kicked it into high gear and ran it in.

I went off the field and said, “Damn coach, I've got a fleet of cars. Do I get tanks of gas in them all?”

Shut up smart ass.”

You're just pissed because you forgot to put in a clause for us who have lots of cars.”

Thank God I didn't use the word unlimited around you.”

Yeah, that would suck.”

Grant whistled. Everyone came running over. “Guys, I sort of forgot to mention something. That promise was made for Friday during the game. Not practice.”

Oh man!”

I came up and said, “Guys, he changed it after I reminded him I've got a fleet of cars now. However, let's do this, ok? DJ over there got an endorsement contract for Outback Steak house. How about if we win, we get a steak dinner there one night next week. IF we don't, then we clean the bleachers.”

Grant said, “My offer still stands on Friday. So don't be upset guys.”

He turned to Jordan and said, “Get on out there and do some plays.”

Jordan ran out and Grant turned to me. “Take Renaldo up on the top of the bleachers and show him what all is happening.”


I turned to Ren and said, “Come on, we're going to go watch some football.”

We went out around the fence and headed towards the bleachers. I got stopped and had to autograph a lot of things. When I was done, I ran up the bleachers and said, “What we're doing is we're watching so you can see more what it's like from the stadium back home.”

It's a lot different here.”

Yeah, but that field is the same exact size. It looks smaller because the building there is a lot bigger.”

It's the same size?!”


What are you trying to teach me?”

You know the position I play and Jordan plays?”


“That's the position we're teaching you.”


Because you can play and make money and you can endorse the products.”

Oh. How much money do I make?”

IF you play, you make three hundred thousand. IF you stand on the side lines and don't get used, then it's thirty five grand.”



“I'll learn very well.”

That's what I did. As soon as I learned I could make money doing it, I was suddenly interested in playing.”

But you are rich.”

I am, but I didn't know I was rich when I was starting to play.”

Oh. Why do you play different plays?”

We do that so each and every play isn't the same, however on Friday night, we're going to play that way.”

Which way?”

The way where there's only one way. Everyone's going to try to get down the field and catch the ball.”

You could be hurt.”

Yeah, but the object while everyone's moving is to find the guy who is open and throw the ball to him before you get hit.”

Oh, that's smart.”

We continued to watch and as we watched, I showed him more and more how it was done. Before it dawned on me, the practice was over.

The guys ran off the field and I said, “Come on, we've got to go get changed.”

Oh, it's over already?”

No, we've got to get into the Angels uniform.”


One is high school and the other is professional.”

Why two different ones?”

Because this one here is just for fun. The other one is for money.”


We went down and into the locker room. Guys were taking showers and a lot of them were getting changed over into the Angels uniforms. I got into my Angels uniform and Ren asked, “Will I get a uniform?”

Yeah, Use my spare for right now. I don't have any pads, but if you need them, I'll get mine to you.”

Grant yelled, “Jake!”


Put your uniform on, but put your pads on Ren. He's going to practice in your spot.”


See, you get to do it now.”

I don't know if I can!”

You can. Here. We've got to get you undressed and into my uniform.”

I stripped off completely naked and he was a bit slower. I turned and he was staring at my dick. “You're huge!”

Yeah, it's the one thing on my body which decided to grow.”

I'm not as large.”

Thank Goodness.”

He smiled and shucked off his clothes. When he was completely naked, he turned around, “You like?”

Man, how you can look better naked than you do with clothes is beyond me, but you do. Now, here's the tights. You've got to wear the tights.”

Oh, I wear tights a lot.”

Good, then it's nothing for you to get used to.”

No, then what?”

He put the tights on and then I handed him my pants. “Put these on. Curl your toes so they don't get caught on the pads.”


He slid into them and I laced him in. His waist was smaller than mine. I handed him my under shirt and said, “You put this on because the pads will rub against you if you don't.”


He put it on and then asked, “Why is there tape on this?”

That's where the plastic of the pads rubbs. If it rubs through, you've got to come off the field and re-taped. If you don't, it could cut you.”

I handed him the shoulder pad and then said, “Watch here. The laces go towards the front.”

Oh, ok.”

He had them on and then, I handed him the jersey. “Put this over your head and I'll help you get it slid down all around.

It just hangs.”

That's what it's supposed to do.”

When we had it down, I put my hand wipe towel inside the front of his pants.

What's that for?”

Usually, it's for wiping my hands should they get too sweaty. After seeing you today, it'd probably be for something else.”

What else?”

My dick.”

Oh! You like?”

You're hot any way you dress. Right now, in that uniform, you're damned nice looking. Now, we've got to adjust your helmet.”

I put the helmet on him and said, “Ok, now, this is your chin strap. It's got to be tight. IF you get hit, you want it to hold your jaw in place and not to allow your helmet to fly around your head.”

Grant came over and handed me a mouthpiece. It was hot.

Here, put this in your mouth and bite down on it. It's hot, but it has to be for your teeth to sink into it.”

He opened his mouth and I popped it in. He bit down and I said, “Harder. You want it to nearly lock your jaw shut.”

He really bore down and I fastened the strap to the front grill guard. He spit out the mouth piece and yelled, “It's too quiet in here!”

That's the sound absorber in the helmet. It's supposed to do that because of the noise of the crowd.”'

For the big stadium?”

Yeah, all those people cheering makes a lot of noise.”

I know, they cheer for me at my arena.”

Oh, then you're already used to it. That's good.”

What next?”

Socks and shoes buddy. Sit down.”

He sat down and I knelt down I put a sock over his toes and realized he even had perfect toes. I caressed them.

That tickles.”

You've even got perfect toes.”

I'm not perfect. Didn't you see my scar?”

Yeah, I wanted to kiss it and make it better.”

He smiled, “I'd like.”

How big are your feet?”

Size 13 over here.”

Damn, you got big feet. Hang on, I'll go get you a pair of shoes.”

I went walking and totally forgot about being buck naked. Someone said, “There goes Jake again trying to get on television with that dick.”

I got to our equipment guy and said, “I need a pair of 13 in grass.”

Ok, here ya go bud.”

You might give me a 13 in turf too so he's got them.”

Who are you getting them for?”


He playing for us?”


What position?”


What's his number?”

Give him 10. The guy's even got perfect toes. He's a ten.”

He laughed. “And you got it bad bud.”

You think so?”

Oh yeah, that look comes across a guy's face while he's talking someone, it's called a 'love sick' look. It's only removed by the glow of when he makes love with the person for the first time.”

Let's hope that look never leaves my face then.”

The love sick look or the glow?”

The glow.”

Be patient.”

I'm trying, but he's got one flaw and I just want to kiss the boo-boo away.”

What's that?”

A scar right here where a bull gored him.”


He's a former matador. He got gored.”

Oh man, I've seen those guys work on television. I wouldn't do that for anything in the world.”

Well, you know how slim and graceful they are. He's perfection personified.”

Send him back here when you've got him dressed. Oh, before I forget, what's his last name?”


Nice, it rolls off the tongue easy.”

If he rolls off my tongue I hope he hits my chin.”

Yup, you've got it bad.”

I'm getting to that point, aren't I?”

Yeah, but I'm glad.”

I went back up and handed him the spikes. “These are spikes. They're for real grass like we've got out here. These other shoes are for Astroturf. That's the sort of grass we've got in the stadium.”

Oh, I like the as you say, AstroTurf. It looks nicer.”

I think so too. I'm giving this school our old Astroturf when we get our new one.”

That's nice, but why are you getting new?”

We're changing logos and Angels.”

What's your new Angel going to look like?”

Michael swooping down from Heaven to fight Satin.”

St Michael was very nice looking.”

You think?”

He's in your Cathedral here.”


Yes, I saw a picture once.”

I'd like to see it.”

Go to the library. You can see all the saints.”

The Saints are the name of a friend of mine's team.”

Good, that means he's religious too.”

He's down in New Orleans. They have a lot of saints there.”

When he was dressed, I stood up and got dressed. He smiled, “It's almost a good thing you got dressed. Had you played like that, I would have been distracted a lot.”

And I would have you.”

Dressed in my jersey, I said, “Come on, you need to meet the guy who gives us our supplies.”


We walked down and several of the guys asked, “You not playing this weekend Jake?”

He needs to practice.”


When we go to the equipment room, I said, “This is Renaldo.”

Renaldo DiSalva, right?”


Look at this and see if I have it spelled correctly.”

Renaldo looked and nodded. “Good, does all that equipment fit you correctly?”


Ok, then I'll get you outfitted in the same sizes. You're sure a small boned guy.”

I know. They told me I would grow, but I didn't.”

Jake here is still growing. We probably should check to see if he needs an upgrade of equipment so we might have you keep his.”

IS that all you need of him?”

Yeah, by the way Renaldo, this guy already likes you a whole lot. Love him back as much and you'll be a lucky man.”

I will.”

Ren turned to me and smiled a big smile. “You really like me?”

Yeah, I told you I did.”

That makes me happy.”

Let's go get you on the field. I'll probably film a commercial while you're playing.”

Play Maker


Notes From Retta:

I realize the story has gotten off on a different foot than I intended. It gets back real fast, so please understand it's needed to develop the characters.

What's different is this story isn't like my others where there's a plot and a lot of things thrown in. With this one, it's teaching and showing a way of life which the sports stars have and how it's lived.

From My Keyboard To Your Heart,


Copyright Notice - Copyright © 2008 by RettaMichaels

The author, RettaMichaels copyrights this story and retains all rights. This work may not be edited, changed, or duplicated in any form, media [ known or unknown ], without the author's expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply. RettaMichaels does NOT give editorial consent in order for this to be published. If it is deemed unpublishable in it's context, permission much be granted before publication or changes occur.

Trademark Notice – 2008 by RettaMichaels

From My Keyboard To Your Heart”,”'Retta”,“RettaMichaels”.“Retta”,“Rhett”, and “Rhette” are all Trademark of RettaVonnMichaels L.L.C. None of these trademarks may be used, or authorized without consent.

Disclaimer: All individuals depicted are fictional, and any resemblance to real persons, locations, or incidents is purely coincidental.