Date: Wed, 26 May 2004 01:54:41 -0700 (PDT) From: Chris Diss Subject: Think Big - 1 It was supposed to be a favor for a friend. I did not really feel like it, but being Dirk's friend for so long, I felt I could not say no when he asked me. Dirk is very involved in the local UCJG. That's the French version of YMCA. And every year, his team hosts a team of basketball players from the States for a week. They offer a basketball camp for german kids in the area. My name is Christian. Or, like everyone says, Chris. I am French, as you may have already figured out. I am 6'1'', 180lbs, blond hair and very blue eyes. They say it's my best feature. I don't know about that. I was 21 when this story took place, two years ago. Anyway. Dirk has been my best friend ever since I can remember. He is cute, but nothing I could ever imagine falling in love with. Maybe we are too close? I don't know. Anyway, Dirk asked me to help him out as an interpreter with the basketball camp this year. I spent a year as a foreign exchange student in Ohio, so my English is pretty good, and Dirk needed my help, so I said yes. Even though I have a pretty athletic body, I'm not really into sports. I enjoy swimming and playing soccer, but that's about it. So I was kinda worried to look like a whimp compared to all these jocks we were expecting to come over and run the camp. But it didn't really matter, cause I had made a decision. After being heartbroken twice the last two years, I had made up my mind NOT to even think about falling for one of the players. I know, and the smart reader has probably figured this out already, but this was a decision not made to last. We had a very full schedule for the week that the players were here. For the first day, it was planned that we go eat ice cream with them, so they get to know the amazing wonders of European ice cream better...and we in return get to know them better. When I first saw the team...I was pleased. There were a few REALLY cute guys, all very tall and athletic (afterall, it was a basketball camp) and some very nice eye candy. But what mattered most to me (remember my good intentions), was that they all seemed to be really nice, easygoing guys. I started to look forward to the week more and more. One of the guys caught my attention right away - Matt. He was the team director, and he was the tallest. That's probably why. See, I think I liked him right away. I don't really remember. But the thing is: I like dark guys. Dark hair, dark eyes, pretty face...and if they are black, even better. Now Matt, he was (is) reddish blond, grey-blue eyes, tendency to jug ears, and a HUGE smile. As you probably already figured out, he turned out to be the love of my life. Now, at the ice cream parlor, I didn't talk much to him other than: hi, I'm Chris! (smooth, huh?) I would like to say that it was love at the first sight and that I spent the night thinking about him, but I didn't. I had two of the players staying at my house, and we talked away all night. Both of them were dark haired, brown eyes and dark skinned by the way. During the camp, I got to know Matt a little bit better. I watched him interacting with the kids at the camp, and he was WAY cute. He really had a talent with kids. Still, I thought of him as a nice guy, period. But then, everything changed! It was during one of the games the team played at night against local french teams. I watched Matt play....and I fell in love like never before. I can't explain it. I don't know how it happened, but I remember exactly when. I remember what the gym smelled like (eeew), the people around me, the atmosphere at the game...and I remember my good intentions falling off board and me falling for this beautiful amazing guy. I thought I had been in love before. But it had never been like that. Never, really. I have loved him from that moment on. I have loved his jug ears, his incredibly white skin, his weird hair, his huge smile, the way he moves, the way he jumps, the sound of his voice, the way he walks, and did I mention this smile? Matt has an amazing body. From what I had seen so far. Of course he was very athletic, and even taller (6'9''). But more about his physica later. I am just still so overwhelmed with how amazing he is...I can't stop talking about him. There is one thing I neglected to mention about myself: gosh, I'm just SO shy. So, now what? I had fallen in love that night, and had no idea what to do. I knew that Matt would only be there 4 more days, and that I would probably never see him again after that. I knew I would not be able to just approach him with my feelings. Afterall, I was shy. And I didn't even know if he was gay. Or if he maybe even had a girlfriend. I had no idea if he liked me, or anything like that. But I WANTED him! I might be shy, but I'm not dumb (most of the time, that is). I asked Dirk to change the translation groups with me, so from the next morning on, I was translating for Matt and one other player. Sneaky, huh? I got to know Matt better and better, we talked a few times, but I pretty much gave up hopes when I overheard him talk about the hot gils at his school....nevermind. I was disappointed, sad, and I felt REALLY bad about myself. I know, I didn't have a reason to. But still, I felt like...I don't know. So unloveable. The last day of their stay in France we took them to Paris. It was a good day, I pretty much followed Matt wherever he decided to go (of course it was always coincidence that I ended up in his group or around him... sure). I only had one thing in mind though: when saying good bye, I wanted a hug. I know, I know, it sounds cheesy, but I So wanted it. To at least feel him once, smell him, oh gosh, I was so in love. So, I was on a mission. I took a few pictures of him so have something to cry over (yes, I'm dramatizing a little bit here), but other than that, I did not think we had any future. Just this one hug. That's all I wanted. And I was out to get it!!! On the way back home from Paris we all met at a certain rest area to say our good byes. The players were supposed to go straight back to their host families that night, and so a good bye meeting seemed reasonable at the rest area. I knew that this was my very last chance. I said my farewells to everyone, and I was honestly sad. I know I had only known these guys for about a week, but I was so sad to see them go. Afterall, their camp had been BIG fun. I even started playing basketball!!! But of course, seeing Matt leave was no fun whatsoever. I felt like crying. But I couldn't, cause I was still on a mission for a hug. Ok, just for the record. I know that a hug is not a big deal. But there were two reasons why this hug meant so much to me: a hug was the furthest I have ever come with a guy (ok, you can stop laughing now. Yes, Im a virgin.) and I am extremely stubborn...and I had set my mind on it. It felt like I would have at least something. When it was my turn to say good bye to Matt...I totally chickened out. He was just SO cute and all. All I did was give him like a little pet hug (TOTALLY not satisfying my wishes) and say something eloquent like: bye, nice meeting you. I could have kicked myself!!! That had been my chance. What could I do know? GO over to him again and ask for a hug? Never!!! Dear reader, you have No idea how upset I was at myself!!!!! I totally messed it up, my only chance. Great. Look at the winner I am!!! To save at least some of my pride, I forced myself to go over to him and have somebody take a picture of the two of us. Yeah. Honestly, I love that picture. It is still sitting on my desk, and I am looking at it right now. In the picture, I look scared shitless, while he has this AMAZING smile on his face. Maybe I should have realized earlier that he smiles a whole lot happier on that picture than on any of the pictures he had taken that day. But I didn't. We all climbed in the cars and drove off, home. The next morning the team was supposed to leave early in the morning.