Date: Mon, 11 Oct 1999 21:30:08 +0100 From: Pete Cathcart Subject: Young Love, Chapter 3 Young Love Chapter 3 By Petros The following is a work of fiction based on a true story. Very much of what follows was real, with some fantasy thrown in. Which is which isn't really important (chances are you'll be able to tell). All important information, like place names and people's real names have been omitted and changed to protect their anonymity, therefore any resemblance to real life people, places or events is coincidental. The story describes sexual relationships and acts between minors of the same sex. If this offends you or is illegal in your locality then please do not read on. I've tried to tell things the way they happened but the accuracy of this tale relies on my memory. I've changed some of the dialogue to internationalise the story a bit. Enjoy. Chapter 3 I hardly slept that night. I lay awake thinking about what happened at lunch time. It took a while for me to realise why I felt so bad about what happened. I slowly and somewhat unwillingly accepted that it's wasn't what had happened that concerned me, more who it had happened with: Jamie. He was a good friend, he wouldn't tell anyone or anything, but he was only ever going to be a friend. As silly as it seems I wanted my first sexual experience to have been with Derek. That didn't happen though, but it didn't stop me wanting him. The only trouble was going to be getting at Derek; I didn't really know him and he knew nothing about me. We had no classes together and I knew of nothing we had in common so far. Much as it hurt me, I conceded to myself that it was never going to happen, and if I couldn't have Derek I didn't want anybody. I was going to go straight and I wouldn't let anything like that happen again. These were brave words, I realised on my walk to school the next morning, and my self certainty began to fail as I thought about my adventure the previous day. I was determined though. I was sure I didn't want to be gay and I thought that if I acted straight, I'd be straight. I surprised myself by sticking to my plan. Really great plan it proved to be too. I'd built up a wall around myself and I refused to let anyone come through. I became more distant and withdrawn from my friends. They all noticed the change in me but I wouldn't talk about it, or admit there was anything different or 'wrong'. My friends all stood by me though. I made it through the rest of the year without any further incidents. Things had changed between Jamie and I, we seemed to grow further apart. We certainly never spoke of what happened that fateful day. I stuck my head down and concentrated on my school work. It paid off and I had a good year academically, followed by a cold lonely summer. My birthday passed uneventfully just before the end of summer. Having made subject choices of maths, English, chemistry, physics, geography, German, biology and computing, I made my preparations to return for a challenging year. The first day of third year arrived and I set off for school, an unusually sombre fourteen-year-old. I got to school in plenty of time and made my way to the office to be assigned a registration room. I met Steven outside the office. "Petros!" he greeted me with outstretched arms. I obliged him and moved in to receive his hug. "Stevie! How are you?" I was genuinely pleased to see him. He'd been away for most of the summer and I'd missed his company. "I'm great, Spain was fantastic," he said turning to walk back the way I'd just come, "we're with Mr Murphy again, same place." I followed him eagerly. We arrived back in the music room that served as our register room to find about half the class already there. None of our group was present yet, so we took our seats to await their arrival. The rest of the class arrived slowly in ones and twos. It was about 20 minutes before our group was assembled. We sat exchanging small talk and tales of summer exploits amongst each other. I felt slightly left out, having nothing but tales of moping around my house to share. The timetables were issued and Mr Murphy went through, at great length, the procedures for the year and informed us of any new regulations. Registration lasts for 2 hours on the first day. After one hour I couldn't wait to get out. By the time it was over my mind was completely numb. When the bell finally rang the whole class rushed outside, desperate for a break. Jenni was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. Her registration class, it turned out, had been moved just down the corridor form mine. "How you doing gorgeous?" I asked, smiling broadly. I was starting to see how much I'd been missing all of my friends. "Great, thanks," Jenni replied. Jenni had made absolutely sure that she kept in touch with me over the vacation, she genuinely cared about me. Either that or she wanted in my pants. I pretty sure that it was the former that was true. We didn't have a lot of catching up to do, so we got down to the business of comparing time tables. I was in her classes for maths and physical education. (PE). Steven was time-tabled to join me in English and German, Gary and Neil were in my geography class we'd discovered earlier. The interval ended and I made my way alone towards my first class of the day, computing. I knew I was the only one from my register class taking this class so I had a bad feeling that I was going to be quite alone. I wasn't exactly sure where my room was, so by the time I got there the class was pretty full with only one table left at the back of the room. Great, I though, now I get to sit by myself too! The teacher, Mr. Morrison, sat at the front of the room busy with some paper work. He still had his radio on, tuned to some oldies station. "I can feel a new expression on my face," the Searchers sang, "I can feel a glowing sensation taking place," I heard someone open the door and looked up. To my amazement I saw Derek enter the room. He looked around and made his way towards the last empty seat. Beside me! My heart started racing, I could hardly control my excitement. "I can hear the guitars playing, lovely tunes," "Every time that you. walk in the room". Mr Morrison stood up and turned the radio off. It didn't matter, they'd sung enough. "Hiya," I whispered at Derek as he sat down. He turned and smiled at me before looking back to the front. Mr Morrison welcomed us to the class and began making his way round the room handing out text books. Derek turned back and looked at me. After a moment he spoke. "I'm sure I know you from somewhere, but I can't find a name". I was grinning uncontrollably. Somehow he remembered me. I knew it was wishful thinking but I couldn't help hoping it was for the same reasons I had. "Yeah, we met a year ago, playing football down on the fields," I blurted out. Woops. How weird must I sound? "Oh, right" "Sorry, It's Petros", I added, offering him a hand. As he shook it I remembered the same soft gentle touch I'd first experienced a year ago. My desires were re-awoken as the flame I had held all this time was rekindled by his touch. It had been so long since I'd last seen him, I'd almost forgotten how stunningly attractive he was, I didn't think it was possible but he seemed better looking now than when we'd first met. Once all the books were distributed, the teacher began to hand out course guides, which outlines all the topics and assessment in the course, and told us to take ten minutes to read through them. I took that opportunity to make further conversation with the stud I'd dreamed about for so long. "So, what classes are you doing this year?" I asked, trying to sound casual. He pulled his time table out to show me. "Maths, English, Modern Studies, French, Standard grade PE, Chemistry and this" he answered. My heart sank a little, as I examined his timetable and found he was in totally different maths, english and chemistry classes. Shame, I thought - I'd have liked to share some chemistry with him. I looked again at his timetable and I could hardly contain my delight when I found that we were in the same classes for Social Education and, more importantly, core PE! Wow, I'd be showering and changing with the gorgeous guy sitting next to me. Lunch time came around and I started to make my way homewards. I met Jenni on the way across the playground. "Hi Jenni!" I said cheerily. "Wow, " she replied, "what's got you in such a good mood?" "Oh, nothing. You wanna come back to mine for lunch?" "Yeah sure." We started down the hill towards my house. We arrived at my house, a Victorian semi-detached house, now just over a hundred years old, in one of the nicer areas of my town. My parents weren't loaded, but they lived comfortably. My mother's Audi wasn't in the drive, so we had the house to our selves. I opened the door and made led Jenni through to the dining room. "So, have you got lunch with you, or will I make you something?" "Depends what you're offering." She grinned. "Hold on," I said walking through to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and poked around, "Pizza Ok?" "Ok, you've twisted my arm." I set the oven and put the pizza in to bake before making my way back to sit with Jenni. "So, what's up?" she quizzed me. "What do you mean?" "Well, you've been a real misery for god-knows-how long, and all of a sudden, first day back and you look like you've just won the lottery or something". She reached out and placed her hand on top of mine. I knew I could trust Jenni, she was about the best friend I could possibly hope for. I wanted to tell her so much, I needed to share my feelings with someone. I thought for a moment before starting, "Jenni, I think I've fallen in love." "Wow, that's amazing!" she said with her face lighting up. I hadn't imagined her being so happy for me. "That's why you're so happy. Who's the lucky girl?" I began to blush. How was I going to explain this? "Actually I think that's the reason I've been so unhappy." She looked puzzled. I hesitated, not sure how to continue. "Why should that make you so unhappy?" "Well, it's not exactly a girl I've fallen for," I paused and took a deep breath, "I think I'm gay". To say I hadn't anticipated her reaction would be an understatement. Her face fell and a look of total horror overcame her. Before I could speak she burst into tears, sobbing hysterically. "Jenni?" I reached out to her. She pushed me away and jumped up, knocking the chair over, and ran from my house. "Fuck!" I shouted as the front door slammed. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" What the hell had I just done? Only now that it was too late did I realise why she cared for me so much. She loved me. She thought I was going to confess my undying love for her. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I collapsed back into my seat and began crying. I didn't give a thought to her telling everyone that I was queer, it didn't cross my mind. I felt so sorry for her and I hated myself for being so insensitive. I knew I'd lost here, and ruined everything. If only I could turn back time. I sat there at the table sobbing for at least half an hour before I found myself coughing. I opened my eyes and saw the room filling with thick black smoke. Oops, there goes lunch. I fought my way through the smoke to the kitchen and turned the oven off and opened the door to let it cool. I opened the window a fraction before picking up my bag and leaving for school. I wandered slowly up the hill, but my mind was racing; trying to work out a way to fix things up and get Jenni back. I could tell here I was just fucking with her and ask her out. That ought to fix things, but I really needed her as a friend and I didn't want to risk hurting her more. I could try apologising, but I didn't know if that'd be enough. I had no idea how deep here feelings for me ran. Would she even give me a chance to talk, and try to explain things? I arrived at the school gates to be confronted by Steven. He greeted me with a stern look. "What's going on Petros?" he demanded. "What?" I asked, trying to find out what he knew. "You and Jenni. You should have seen the state she was in when she got back. What happened?" Thank God for small mercies, it didn't look as if he knew. "I know. I'm sorry, we were talking and I told here something she really didn't want to hear." I could feel tears welling in my eyes, "I didn't mean to hurt her." I broke down and started sobbing. Any anger that had been in Steven's face fell away as his look changed to one of sympathy. "I'm sorry," he said putting an arm round me, "I was just worried about her. I didn't know what had happened." "Thanks," I said through sobs. "I don't suppose you want to tell me what you were talking about?" "No. Not yet." The first bell saved me from anymore awkward questions. Steven took his arm back and we walked in silence to the main building and climbed the stairs to our German class. The period passed slowly, and without excitement. Once it had ended I made my way back down to the ground floor for Social Education. I passed Jenni on the way, she just looked down and kept walking. I felt crushed. I arrived in the SE class and took at seat at a table with a few guys I knew, Richard and Tim, from my primary school. They weren't friends, more like acquaintances. "Hey guys." I greeted them without enthusiasm. I sat staring at the desk, wrapped up in thought when I heard someone take the last seat at the table, beside me. "Hey Pedro!" I looked round to see Derek grinning broadly at me. I smiled, but even his appearance was not enough to life my spirits. "Hi Derek." I said as cheerily as I could manage. "Hey Dez!" Richard greeted him. "Alright Ritchie?" Derek replied. Richard introduced Derek and Tim while I returned to my contemplation. I knew that Jenni would need some space and time, but I was scared that if I left things the way they were for too long, she'd drift even further away and I might never get her friendship back. I still wasn't sure, but I had an idea about what I should do. The period ended and Derek walked with me to the gates. "Pedro, is everything ok?" I wondered if he'd ever get my name right. It was kind of sweet though so I let it pass by. "Yeah, I guess. I fell out with Jenni today and I'm just a bit down" "I thought something was wrong. Jenni Wilson? Were you two an item?" Wow, he's stunningly attractive and sensitive too. Couldn't ask for much more. Except, well, you know. "Yeah, and no. We were just good friends." "What happened?" he asked. I was dying to tell him, but I knew deep down it wouldn't help my cause. Unless he was too. But he probably wasn't, so I'd better take things slowly I told myself. "Kinda personal. Promise I'll tell you later though" "Cool." "I just hope I can get everything sorted and back to normal." "Well, good luck buddie", we had reached the gate, "see you later" "Later mate." I said as I turned to walk home. I arrived at my house to find my mum in the driveway, washing her car. I hoped she'd keep it until I turned 17, so I could drive it the way it was built to be driven. "Hi love. How was school?" She looked up from her washing, smiling. "Fine" I replied, forcing a smile. My mum was an intimidating woman, standing about 6' tall. She held a black belt at Judo when she was a little younger. She really cares about me but is a bit over protective and always thinks she knows best. I didn't want to have to explain what happened between Jenni and me. "Have a nice lunch, did you?" Oops, I'd forgotten about that. "Umm, no, I sorta burnt it. Sorry." "It's OK," she said sternly, "I've cleaned it up, like I always do." "Thanks." I'm not sure what I'd do without her around. I went inside and discarded my bag before dropping onto the couch to watch TV. Nothing but Children's TV, which sucks, so I put a video on.; Star Wars, Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back. It doesn't matter how many times I watch the trilogy, I don't think I'll ever tire of them. I lay there for a couple of hours, switching back to the TV when Neighbours came on, until teatime. Once I'd eaten I retired to my room, lifting the cordless phone handset on my way. I couldn't wait any longer, I had to try and reach out to Jenni. I hadn't given her long, but it might be enough. Either way, this was eating away at me inside. I took a deep breath and picked up the handset, from where I'd set it on my bed. Crossing my fingers on the hand I held the phone will I pressed 'Talk' and began to dial. It started ringing. "Hello?" her mum answered the call. "Hi, Mrs W. Can I speak to Jenni please?" I tried to sound normal but she guessed something was wrong. "I'll just call her. Is there something going on that I should know about? Jennifer seemed quite upset after school today and hasn't come out of her room since." "I don't think I can tell you about it," I said beginning to feel like a broken record. "Well, you know I'm always here if you need someone to talk to, don't you?" "Yes, thanks." "Hold on then." I heard her calling for Jenni. No response. Footsteps and muffled conversation followed. "I'm sorry Peter, she said she doesn't want to talk to you just now." "Oh. Ok, thanks," I tried to kill the conversation there and get off the line. I felt so disheartened. I started thinking she'd never speak to me again. Not after what I'd done. Hold on a minute, I thought. What have I done? I was only being honest with her, it was her that took offence to what I told her. If she'd been open with me then this wouldn't have happened. Did she realise how difficult that'd been for me? Suddenly I started to feel quite hard done by. "I'll talk to her, see if I can get her to call you later. This sounds important." "Thanks" "Ok, bye bye sweetheart". With that she hung up. I was still upset, but I started to feel quite angry. My supposed best friend had rejected me because I was gay. I knew that it was more complicated than that, but I couldn't stop that thought from running through my head. More than ever I knew I had to speak to her. Could she really be so prejudiced and so shallow? I needed to know. I sat for at least half an hour before I picked up the phone and started dialling again. "Hello?" a voice answered. "Hi, Steven. It's Petros. Listen, if you're not busy, I'd really like to see you tonight." To be continued... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And that, ladies and gentlemen, was chapter 3. You know where to find Chapter 4, expect it in a couple of days. I can promise the there will be some sights worth seeing. As always, comments & criticism appreciated. Tell me what you think, do you like it, do you hate it? Does it do anything for you? I'm working on my new web site just now, it'll be up real soon now. You'll be able to find the latest chapters, previews and background information there. Check out http://www.petros-world.freeserve.co.uk/ over the next few days. Petros. mailto: petros@petros-world.freeserve.co.uk