Date: Sat, 19 Oct 2002 18:07:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: Evan Bradely <evanbradley33@yahoo.com>
Subject: Chapter 37 of "Ambush"

The following fictional story deals with sex among males.  If you
are offended by such material, are too young, or reside in an area
where it is not allowed, depart. Though not observed in this story,
care enough about yourself and humankind to practice safe sex.

The author retains all rights.  No reproductions or links to other
sites are allowed without the author's consent.

EvanBradley33@Yahoo.com

Chapter 37
Shifting Centers

As it often occurred, Evan and Troy were in the kitchen at the same
time to prepare their breakfasts.  Such encounters with Jeremy
occurred less and less since Kenny and he had come to an
understanding with Joe and Rachel Walters about their spending the
night together at Kenny's home.  Evan was finishing his breakfast as
Troy was preparing his.  "Evan, Mom wants to see me this afternoon
after basketball practice.  Is it still okay with you to meet her
here?  She's afraid that every day that passes before we meet, the
chances are less that I'll return home."

"Of course.  I guess you have a big decision to reach?" Evan asked,
not wanting to make the issue any larger for Troy than necessary.

"Huh?"

"Whether you're returning home?"

"Oh, yeah," Troy said emptily.  Actually, he knew he wasn't
returning home, but in case something changed, he didn't want to
tell Evan he was staying and then pull the rug out from under him
later by returning home.  They conversed in a desultory manner and
then went their separate ways.

On the drive to school, Evan wondered what he would do with himself
while Troy's mother was visiting.  It occurred to him that he'd have
to take himself off someplace.  Where?  He wasn't a casual shopper,
so the mall wasn't an answer. He didn't feel like a movie.  The
thought of dinner alone was strangely unsettling.  Miles and Jim
needed time alone now that Jim faced serious issues about keeping
the farm, so he wouldn't butt in there just to purchase some comfort
for himself.  As he rolled into the north parking lot at school, he
felt disconnected, as though someone had ripped out all his wiring
connecting him to others, rendering him peripheral.  He immediately
thought of a biorhythm chart, which plotted three cycles of one's
inner dynamics.  If those three cycles ever became simultaneous in
the trough of the cycle, watch out Mamma!  It was a day for crawling
back under the covers.  He wondered what his biorhythms chart would
look like for this day - maybe explain his disconnected feeling.

The best moment of the morning was when Tony and Angela, upon
arriving for class, stepped up to the desk to greet Evan and ask him
how he was.  It seemed that Angela was attempting to make her smile
more meaningful than usual.  Tony had winked at Evan while giving
him a warm smile.  Evan spotted Troy and Susan deep in whispered
conversation at the back of the room so that they couldn't be
overheard.  He knew Troy was telling Susan about his mother's visit
that afternoon.  He got a wink from Kenny and Jeremy blew him a
kiss.  Evan handled the morning's classes without thinking much at
all about anything else. As the morning wore on, he didn't know
whether he was caught up in rote motion or total absorption in
teaching.

At noon, Evan was back to pondering where he could go after school.
He himself would have liked to meet Troy's mother, Emily Morgan, but
he felt those two needed time alone.  He was convinced it just
wouldn't be good for him to be in the house while they were putting
together Troy's future.  Evan contemplated the chance that Troy
might be moving out soon.  That was a downer!  Evan had become
accustomed to the warmth he felt when Troy was in the vicinity.  He
loved looking at his big, beautiful body, sharing space with it,
seeing those dimples, getting a glimpse of white briefs stretched
tightly over those muscular ass cheeks, and those killer legs, the
muscles sometimes quivering or flexing.  He always boned up at the
sight.

If Troy returned to the Morgan home, Evan would also pass up a
chance to see Susan more often.  Cody too - especially Cody, who
wasn't in any of Evan's classes.  It felt great when those three
were in the house at the same time as Jeremy and Kenny.  Ah-oh!  He
would begin to feel solitary now that Jeremy was spending more time
at Kenny's home.  He guessed he shouldn't harbor any ill feelings
about the Walters' residence becoming Jeremy's home too.  Both boys
had overnight kits that they kept at the other residence, and he
knew they had clothes strung out between both places.  He smiled.
It actually made him happy for them, but he could stand to see
Jeremy a little more often.  He guessed he'd been spoiled when
Jeremy was there all the time.

So where could he go?  Immediately, Ron popped into mind.  Evan
stood in his classroom, looking out the window, considering his lack
of alternatives.  'Oh hell,' Evan thought, 'maybe it's time for me
to make the first move.'  He'd go see Ron in his lab.  They'd work
out a solution.

After Evan had trekked through the halls down to the science wing of
the school, he found Ron standing at the back of his lab at one of
the long lab desks, bent over chemicals he'd taken out of the
cabinets along the back wall, measuring a powdery substance out of a
large brown glass jar into smaller glass dishes. 'Damn, that hunk
looks fine!' Evan thought.  Broad shoulders, shapely chest and arms,
muscled ass.  He looked up when Evan entered his field of vision, a
smile instantly lighting up his face.  "Ah," he began, mischief
dancing in his eyes as Evan approached him.  "Finally lured you to
my lair, did I?"

Evan smiled, remarking coolly, "I was just passing by.  Thought I'd
make a charity call."  Ron passed up what would have been his
customary retort about Evan's being unable to keep away from a stud.
He wanted a different dynamic to arise among them, a new day.  They
could work their way back to the teasing, challenging, smart-ass
repartee later.  Evan's eyebrows raised a little, indicating that he
noted the difference.  "By the way, I think I need to start
addressing you as the Titan," Ron said.

"Oh?" Evan responded.  "What's earned me such a sobriquet?"

"Ou-u-u-u-u," Ron reacted, much in the manner of Jeremy.  "I just
love it when a man's language moves to an intellectual register."

"My ass!" Evan retorted.

"Well, I've expressed a fondness for that too," Ron observed,
looking down demurely as though he were a shy creature disclosing a
deep secret.

"Back to the point," Evan pressed, barely suppressing a burst of
derisive laughter.

"Note the language you're using - asses and points," Ron indicated.
"I'm trying to be chaste and pure.  How can I when you are enticing
me with such seductive language?  To answer your question, Troy and
Jeremy gave me a blow-by-blow account of your encounter with Roy
Morgan."

"Oh," Evan said, his voice falling a little.  "By the way, note the
suggestiveness of your own language - 'blow by blow,' Punster!"

Ron smiled.  "It's catching, you see."  Ron continued to gaze at
Evan.  "Do you think that will be the end of Roy's thrashing around
about Troy?"

Evan shrugged his shoulders.  "Roy called Dave Hernandez the next
morning, trying to drum up support for some move against me."

"Oh?" Ron voiced concern.  "What was Roy's approach to Dave?"

Evan sighed, answering in a sing-song manner.  "I'm ruining Troy's
game; Jeremy, Kenny and I are fags, the reason Troy moved in; Roy
wants to get Troy back home to 'straighten out this
misunderstanding'; stuff like that.  Dave didn't buy a bit of it.
Suggested that he discuss the situation with Kate Williams."

Ron barked out a laugh.  "That Dave has a sadistic streak, huh?"

Evan grinned, sharing their understanding of the surprise that would
await Roy if he pursued such a gambit with Kate.

"Is Roy just mean or stupid?" Ron asked.

"Did the guys tell you about Mrs. Morgan's ultimatum to Roy."

"Yeah."

"I think he's desperately trying to regain his former power in the
family.  He hasn't tipped to the fact that he's lost that forever.
None of these people will move back under his tyrannical thumb
again.  I think he didn't do well when he studied history.  Never
learned anything about the lessons it has to offer.  He also never
studied philosophy or political science, for he's forgotten the
curse of power - well one of them at least:  people will be ruled
only as long as the rule benefits them.  When it doesn't, they will
throw the power holder over, what we observed in the past few years
in the former Soviet Union.  Even when Troy nearly shouted 'No' in
response to Roy's telling him to get his things because he was
coming home, Roy registered surprise but no real understanding of
the implications in Troy's loud, sharp reply.  I'd almost be tempted
to think the man dense except for the ploys Roy used to guilt Troy
into returning home with him. They were pretty good for someone
acting spontaneously.  Actually, that's what brings me here."  Ron
looked up, waiting for him to go on.

"Troy wants to have a long visit with his mother at our place.  I
assured him that we'd clear the field for him to have that chat.  He
wants it to be this afternoon after ball practice.  Jeremy will be
at work.  I think it best if I weren't lurking about the premises.
So I was wondering if you'd allow me to take you to Francini's for
dinner."  Evan paused and gulped as he pushed into the daring area
of his request.  "Then maybe you'd give me a tour of your
apartment."

Ron gazed at Evan for the longest time, finally making Evan nervous
about having asked.  'Oh no,' he thought, 'I shouldn't have done
this.'  Evan blushed, turning to flee.  "Wait," Ron requested
hurriedly.  Evan turned back.  "Okay," Ron answered, betraying no
emotion.  "Let's."

Taking his cue from Ron's neutral response, Evan offered hesitantly,
no longer certain that his suggestions were welcome, "Why don't I
pick you up around 5:00?  We can make an early evening of it?"

"Five it is," Ron responded, still neutrally.

Just then Byron Okata and Sherry Westbrook entered the lab, holding
hands. They walked up to Ron and Evan.  "Hi, Mr. Halsey," Byron
greeted Evan, smiling warmly.  "Let me introduce you to Sherry
Westbrook."  Since he was the elder under the new etiquette, Evan
extended his hand to Sherry, who shook it, smiling warmly.  'Damn,'
Evan thought, 'she's a cutie.  Good for Byron!'

"Mr. Hamilton asked me to tutor Sherry in her General Science
class," Byron explained to Evan.

Evan looked at Ron, his eyebrows slightly arched.  Ron smiled.  He
knew Evan was pleased.  "Great," Evan responded.  "Sherry, you have
a good teacher here."

She smiled.  "Byron's helped me so much."  A bit of orneriness
lighted her eyes. "Besides, he's a hunk."  Byron immediately
blushed, ducking his head a little but smiling hard.  "Makes
learning easier," she concluded.

"Whoa now.  A hunk?" Evan said, expressing skepticism.  "This man
has done a snow job on you, I think."

Byron punched Evan lightly on the shoulder.  "Leave my woman to her
own impressions.  Don't make me have to hurt ya'," he warned,
grinning.  Ron and Evan both roared, reveling in Byron's feeling his
oats enough to get back at Evan and to stand his own ground.

Sherry looked at all of the men, a little puzzled.  "Must be a guy
thing," she muttered, causing the three males in the group to laugh
again.

"Well, I must take my leave," Evan commented.  "Five o'clock," he
said, looking at Ron, who winked back, a response that wasn't lost
on Byron and Sherry.

"He's done a snow job on you!" Byron cheekily observed to Ron.  More
laughter.  Evan just wagged his finger threateningly at Byron while
smiling. Then he left for his afternoon classes.

				***

Angela Walker, Tony Francini's girlfriend, spied Ron and Evan
waiting to be seated at Francini's Italian Restaurant.  She shot over
to the hostess's stand, signaling Maria that these were special
guests.  She greeted them warmly, asking what kind of a day they'd
had at school.  She was actually scrutinizing them, gauging what kind
of dining arrangement they needed.  'Ah-oh,' she thought. 'These guys
are really reserved.  Usually they're smiling and chatting us up when
they eat here.  I bet they didn't talk much in the car.  They're
together to iron out something.  They need The Alcove.'

As soon as she had seated Ron and Evan, she sent an older waiter to
take their drink orders while she hunted up Tony.  "Tony, Ron and
Evan are here for dinner.  I guess the soup really worked its magic
on Evan."

Tony didn't react at first.  Then he asked, "How did they seem?
Okay?" Angela shook her head in the negative.  "I'll go wait on
them.  Thanks, Babe." Tony shot off.

Tony slowed to a stop at the entrance of the aisle leading to The
Alcove, studying the two.  He wanted to determine how to approach
them.  Ron had his elbows on the table and his hands folded up in
the air blocking his face a little, looking everywhere but at Evan.
Evan was staring at the tablecloth so he wouldn't have to look at
Ron.  'Whoa,' Tony thought.  'Not good!'  He walked jauntily to
their table.  "Hey, Dudes, glad you came to eat dinner here.  Are
you rewarding yourselves with dinner after a hard day?"

"Something like that," Ron answered, smiling, a twinkle in his eyes.
"Now if we had more Angelas in class, we wouldn't have such a hard
time.  It's these guys the Angelas date - I don't know where they
drag them in from.  They're what's hard to take."

Tony grinned, flipping the bird at Ron, who laughed loudly.  He
loved it when kids had created a self-image strong enough to be
sassy.  Tony and Ron chatted about the basketball team while Evan
listened, smiling.  Tony would look at Ron, then Evan, then Ron
while talking to them, making certain to maintain eye contact with
both.  Finally, Evan picked up his menu, studying the offerings.
>From time to time, Tony would shoot Evan a glance, usually lost on
him because he was buried in the menu.  An older waiter brought
their drinks.  Tony flipped out his pad to take their orders.  When
Evan ordered gazpacho instead of a salad, Tony winked at him.
"Hooked you with the gazpacho, didn't I?"

"Yes, you know and use your weapons well."

That required a brief, neutral account from Tony about having lunch
in Evan's classroom.  Ron immediately aped a pout.  "Gee, I guess I
don't rate.  I've never had the local Italian stud bring gazpacho to
my lab for lunch."

Tony snickered.  "Maybe you haven't played your cards right."

"And the iceberg over there has?" Ron asked skeptically.  "Don't kid
me.  That man is constitutionally incapable of playing poker.  He
won't bet.  He won't risk losing a thin dime.  So don't tell me he
played his cards right," Ron joked.

Evan regarded him with slightly raised eyebrows and the slightest of
smiles. "It's out of your class, Plebe.  To understand, you might
articulate your memory stores for a proverb about the mountain
coming to Mohammed."  As he uttered the last challenge, Evan's
eyebrows raised a quarter of an inch.

"Ou-u-u-u, I love this," Tony rhapsodized.  "Highbrow kickboxing!"
They all laughed.

Tony left to with their orders, having drawn both Ron and Evan out
of their reserved positions.  Ron was looking at Evan intently.  As
though they were in a wrestling stance, he went for a quick take-
down.  "Evan, I've never loved anyone as much as I love you.  But I
was out of practice in building a genuine relationship that could
support real love.  So I made some mistakes.  Before I moved here, I
thought you were so needy and I needed someone so badly that we'd
fall into each other's arms, have hot sex, and live happily ever
after."

Silence.

"Back where I was living, I was making choices I really didn't like.
You see, I hate one-night stands.  I'm really not into the bar
scene.  But I was getting hard up enough that I was doing both.  It
was a come-down for me."

Silence.

Tony brought their gazpacho, chatting them up a little, for he'd
noticed that they had lapsed into silence.  He'd been checking them
out from a distance, noting that they had been talking seriously
before he went to the kitchen.  They must have reached a touchy
point.  After Tony left, Ron continued.  "I was getting scared that
I was becoming desperate.  I didn't know where that would lead.  I
hated even thinking of it.  I like being in control, leading, caring
for someone. None of those guys wanted anything like that.  Then
bingo!  Here's Tim Minor back in my life, telling me about you and
recruiting me for his job. It seemed too ideal to be a coincidence,
like Tim had planned it.  That really made me suspicious.  But my
fear about where I was heading forced me to visit here to check out
the details that Tim was feeding me about the job, this city, and
you." Evan cleared his throat but said nothing.  He was slowly
eating his soup, occasionally raising his eyes to look into Ron's.

Ron sighed, tasting the soup, which he found quite good.  "When we
met, Evan, it was wonderful, all I'd hoped.  I thought you were a
little compulsive about a few things.  I didn't care.  You were my
hope, my future.  I couldn't get enough of you."

Evan looked at Ron seriously.  "Someone asked me once if you and I
believed that Tim, feeling guilty, brokered a relationship between
us to salve his guilty conscience.  Did that notion ever occur to
you?" Evan inquired.

"Much as I dislike Tim for the way he treats people who've given him
their hearts and hope, I do believe he had something like that in
his mind.  It's just too coincidental otherwise.  Given the way he
treated both of us, I find it hard to believe he was feeling any
guilt.  But guilt is the only piece that unites all the other pieces
of the puzzle of 'Why did Tim Minor effect these moves.'"

"I'm not arguing with you, Ron, just playing the Devil's Advocate,"
Evan responded.  "If that was Tim's intention, then why involve you
with that hunk Randall York?  Why sell Randall on the idea that you
would share me with him, allow Randall to turn me into his love
slave?"

Ron thought a bit.  "To test us.  I think he was counting on our
sniffing out a suspicious intention on that one.  I mean, look how
little time it took for us to do that when we finally met Randall at
that bar.  You were quicker than I was.  Tim knew that would happen.
But by being the baddie and supposedly trying to break us up, he
knew we would come right back at Randall, drawing us closer together
as we united to meet the threat.  After all, what benefit would he
gain from our falling out of the relationship he'd helped create?

Evan thought a bit.  "Caring and concern over the damage he did?
Revenge? Satisfaction?  Keeping a finger in our pie?  Letting us
know he could step into our lives anytime he liked?  Mischief?
Meanness?"  He shrugged his shoulders. "What fits?"

Tony brought their meals at that point.  He'd noticed that they'd
started talking, and he overheard Evan's last question, so he didn't
linger at the table.

Ron knew how Evan liked to deliberate a point, so he took each
question one-by-one.  "If Tim's really involved with the legislator
who bumped Alan Frazier out at the same time he's establishing himself
in a new job, he doesn't have time to be mean or nasty, to remain
involved in our relationship.  Besides his treatment of men with whom
he's fallen in love but is trying to push away, have you ever seen
Tim be mean or nasty?"

"Well, there was the bit he tried with Wendy Fielding - to embarrass
me."  Evan related the event to Ron.

"Yeah, but he was trying to push you away, right?"

"Right."

"Again, he has too many other important priorities in his life to
take time to remind us that he can step back into our lives at will.
Remember, he wanted OUT of our lives.  He was driven by his
inability to continue in a deepening relationship.  I can't see him
wanting to keep that door open once he'd shut it."

Evan shook his head slowly as he listened to Ron.  "I still have a
little trouble believing Tim cares anything about us."

Ron smiled.  "It does feel like a stretch, doesn't it?  But what a
mistake if we don't give him credit.  We aren't the type to treat
others unjustly."

Evan shook his head in agreement.  Ron continued, "Before you, I
thought sex was the ultimate expression of love.  If the sex was
good, the love was deep."

"Don't beat yourself up, Ron," Evan answered.  "I thought the same
thing.  What turned your thinking around?"

"Miles and Jim.  That talk we had after the ballgame.  They helped
me see new possibilities for us.  You know, Evan, we are lucky to
have them as friends. They want us to succeed as a couple so much,
not just for us but for them too. They need us in their lives.  It's
like our kids, Jeremy, Kenny, and Cody needing Troy and Susan and
the others in their lives.  How much poorer they would be without
those interactions.  It will be the same for us and for Miles and
Jim if you and I don't make our relationship work."  Even shook his
head in agreement. Tony arrived to remove their plates.  They sat in
silence, contemplating their discussion.  Tony brought the check to
Evan, who left him a whopping tip, smiling at his anticipation of
Tony's face when he picked it up.

They arose.   Ron was smiling too.  "Left a killer tip, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Evan grinned back.  "Wouldn't you?"

"Oh yeah."

They drove back to Ron's apartment in silence.

When Evan had parked the car in front of Ron's apartment house and
they were moving to the door, Ron placed his arm companionably
across Evan's shoulders. Evan relaxed into the gesture.  He knew the
former Ron would have cupped his ass with his hand.  The change
signaled Evan that Ron wasn't kidding when he stated that he wanted
them to start over.  The arm over the shoulder would happen on a
serious second or third date.  When they reached the steps, Ron
moved ahead of Evan.  On the second floor, Ron led him down to the
end of the hall.  When he'd unlocked the door, he gestured for Evan
to precede him into a small foyer.  Ron smiled.  "Let me show you
the place."  They walked into a large carpeted living room.  Since
I'm at the end of a hall, I have a fireplace," he explained, pointing
to the left wall.  "Those are the bookshelves I had built on either
side of the fireplace."

"This is a condo," Evan exclaimed, "not just an apartment."

"Right.  It's new and roomier than an apartment. It's so roomy that
I don't have a lot of furniture yet."  Ron led him into a dining
room adjoining the living room and then into a well-appointed shiny
kitchen with an adjoining laundry room on one side of a short hall
and a pantry and storage closet on the other.  Back out in the
dining room, they walked down a hall with doors leading to the
master bedroom, which featured a large bed, causing Evan's eyebrows
to raise a little. The master bath was huge, with room for a
Jacuzzi, shower, and a sunken bathtub.

"Damn," Evan whispered softly.

"What?" Ron asked, betraying a little concern.

Evan blushed.  "Seeing that huge bed and that sunken bathtub is
filling my head with images."

Ron snickered.  They walked past two other bedrooms, one converted
into a study, which was clearly where Ron did a lot of school-
related work.  It was large enough to allow for a weights workout
station.  The entire place was full of closets and storage space.
Another door led back into the living room with a balcony off the
right.  "Ron, this is nice.  I can imagine why you like holing up
here on the weekends."

When they walked into the living room, Evan spun about, grabbed Ron,
and laid a hot kiss on him.  Ron pulled Evan into him, bending him
slightly backward, they were so jammed against each other.  Evan
could feel Ron's cock growing hard against him, as his own was
doing.  He moved his hand down, rubbing his palm over the growing
bulge.  Ron gently reached for Evan's hand, pulling it slowly out
from between them and up to his mouth.  He broke the kiss, looking
into Evan's eyes as he raised Evan's hand to his lips and gently
kissed the palm.

Evan's look was full of questions since he realized that his
initiation of sex had been aborted.  "Evan, I want us to start
over."  Ron stepped back a short pace, caressing Evan's cheek with
the palm of his hand.  "Have you noticed that all we do is have sex?
That when we aren't with each other, we don't think about each other
that much?  And if we do, it's a fantasy about sex with each other?
That when we are together and are free to do so, we jump right into
sex?  It's like I said this evening at Francini's.  We both thought
sex was the ultimate expression of love.  Now we know differently.
But saying we know isn't enough.  We have to break the pattern and
start a new one."  Evan's brow was wrinkled, but he slowly shook his
head in the affirmative.

"Do you know other guys have it different, Evan?  Miles and Jim are
as present with each other when they are apart as when they were
together.  And the way they feel when they have sex is the same way
they feel about each other when they aren't making love?"

"How do you know all this?" Evan asked.

"As I explained, we went to a diner after the last ball game for
coffee and had a long talk.  I told them things were a little off
between us.  I told them about my being so thoughtless about my
apartment.  Don't worry:  no one ran you down. As I explained this
evening, they care about us Evan.  They want it to work for us.
They want us to be their close friends.  So they were trying to help
me get my head on straight about my role in a relationship and our
love for each other."

Evan just stared back, but Ron knew the cogs behind those probing
blue eyes were flying at warp speed.  "We can do this, Evan," Ron
said, barely covering his inner excitement about their prospects.
"If we go back to 'go,' we can make this relationship truly strong
because it won't be based on just sex.  We're both strong.  We're
intelligent.  And we're feeling people.  We can get this right!" he
exclaimed, smiling triumphantly.

"Does this mean that we don't see each other?" Evan asked a little
plaintively.

"Seeing each other is crucial.  We just won't be having sex when we
do."

"But there will be sex at some point, won't there," Evan asked
wistfully, making Ron smile because Evan seemed like a little boy
who thought his bike was being taken way from him.

Ron chuckled.  "It will be a major test to keep my hands off you
until we both are ready again.  We'll know together when that will
be. . . . This will be good, Evan. We'll be set for life if we give
this a chance.  I bet even the sex will be better, deeper."

"How do you know we won't drift apart?" Evan asked apprehensively.

"This is how I know," Ron said, stepping back against Evan, pulling
him into a sweet kiss that built with passion, their tongues moving
languorously together as though they were expressing what their
bodies wanted.  As the passion deepened, Evan felt strength begin
leaving his legs.  He suddenly sagged, no longer able to stand
upright.  Ron pulled him tighter against his body.  Eventually, he
ended the kiss.  "That's how I know," he whispered.  "When you
started to drop, I held you tighter to me.  We won't drift away.
We're bonded.  We just need to grow the connections. . . .Remember
when Jeremy and Kenny came home and found us after having just made
love in the sunroom?"

Evan slowly shook his head in the affirmative.  "Jeremy asked what
we were doing.  I replied that we had mated.  We did, Evan. We mated
then.  That's why we won't drift away from each other."

When Evan could stand, he moved back a pace or two.  He glanced at
his wristwatch.  "Ron, I hate to, especially at this point in our
discussion, but I need to get back.  If Troy decides to move back
home, he won't want to just move out without saying something.  I
should be there.  I've probably lingered too long anyway."  Evan
paused.  "I want this to work, Ron.  I NEED you."

"Then we'll be champs," Ron said.  Evan turned and walked to the
door, a big bulge in his slacks.  Ron had one too.  Evan looked
back.  Then he opened the door and left.

				***

Troy was wandering nervously from room to room, awaiting his mother's
arrival. Knowing that she'd expect him to return with her, he was
worrying about how she would react to his refusal.  He just couldn't
live with his father anytime soon, certainly never if his father
refused to accept him as he was.  Something had happened to him in
the past few weeks, especially that night when his dad came over to
take him back home.  Troy knew he would never change, never buckle
under to his father.  In fact, he knew he was now incapable of it
even if others wanted, needed, and were counting on it.  Susan and
he had discussed the matter over several days.  She hadn't told him
what he ought to do, but she helped him clarify his feelings so that
he could determine how to justify his decision to his mother.

He heard a soft knock on the door.  He'd been so deep in thought he
hadn't even heard her car.  He opened the door, smiling when he saw
her.  She was a beautiful woman, petite, blond, striking blue eyes,
a body to match.  One wouldn't imagine that she had given birth to
four strapping lads.  Troy had always been proud when they were
together in public.  His friends had often complimented him for
having such a stunning mother.  Cody, even as young as he was back
then, had a wolfish gleam in his eyes when he met her for the first
time.

Troy's mother walked into his arms.  She was short enough that he
had to lean down.  She hugged him tightly, whispering how much she
had missed him, how much she loved him, worried about him, he
whispering the comparable sentiments back to her.  After a long
while, she stood back, tears sparkling in her eyes.  She fumbled in
her purse for a handkerchief, which she used to dab her tears away.
Then she ran her eyes up and down, checking him out in all those
ways mothers do.  "How are you doing, Son?  You're looking okay."

"I'm fine, Mom," Troy answered as he closed the door.  "I'm doing
well at school.  Susan and I are super okay.  Evan and Jeremy have
made me so welcome here.  Let me show you around."

He took Emily on a tour of the house.  She looked on approvingly as
they toured the upper floor, asking him questions all the way to
determine how he had actually been faring while absent from home.
Was he eating nutritious meals? Was he eating breakfast?  Did Mr.
Halsey prepare all his meals?  He REALLY had learned how to use the
washer and dryer on his own?  Then he took her to the basement to
show her his room.  She noted with approval all the books and papers
and notebooks on his desk.  "Have you turned into a scholar?  I like
all those books and papers' looking obviously used.  And this room
is nice, Troy.  I can't believe what I'm seeing.  You've even made
your bed.  You never did that at home."

Troy grinned.  "Mom, I'm living with Evan Halsey.  It's an unwritten
rule here that everyone makes his bed in the morning."

"How is it that Mr. Halsey can get you to do something that I
can't?"

"If you ever meet him, you won't have to ask that question."  They
had returned to the upper floor at this point.

Her brow creased.  "He sounds like your father."

"Nope.  Not at all or I wouldn't be here.  Mom, would you like
something to drink?"

Emily spied a box of Bigelow's Constant Comment Tea on a shelf.
"Oh," she exclaimed.  "I love Constant Comment Tea.  I haven't had
it in several years.  I'd love some of that."

"Coming right up," Troy said as he set about preparing the tea.  "If
you love this kind of tea so much, why don't you have it at home?"

"You're father didn't like it.  He finally objected to seeing it in
the kitchen."

Troy paused, turning to his mother, frowning.  "Mom, you've created
a monster."

She sighed.  "I know.  I've taken myself to task for my share in
allowing these events to happen."  She thought a moment while Troy
was busy with the tea. "To be more accurate, my inaction allowed
these events to occur."

They stood, visiting about Troy's brothers until the tea was ready.
"It's so strange seeing a son I love living in another home.  It's
strange imagining your doing the mundane tasks of ordinary life not
where I live but in somebody else's home."

Troy placed their cups and saucers, sugar bowl, spoons, and napkins
on a tray, which he carried into the sunroom.  "This way," he
indicated.

Emily followed him into the sunroom, where he placed the tray on the
coffee table.  "I love this room," his mother commented.

"Everyone does," Troy answered.  "When the gang gathers here after
an evening on the town, we're always in this room.  I often do
reading assignments in here."

They sat and enjoyed their tea.  Troy finally broke the ice.  "Mom,
why did you marry Dad?"

"I loved him."

"Yeah, I know that.  I should have asked what attracted you to him?"

"Your father was very charming in those days, Troy.  He was big,
strong, handsome, and sexy.  He's REALLY good in bed," she said,
smiling.  "So good we ended up with four boys.  Your father is
virile too."  She paused, looking deep into the Norfolk pines.  "The
last few years though, sex has been more an occasion to flex his
muscles, so to speak.  His intention seems more to be demonstrating
his sexual prowess as opposed to demonstrating his love for me or
anything important about us.  There's been less time for me to
demonstrate my love for him because he's in control.  Like he's
directing our love-making."

"Wow, Mom.  I can't believe we're talking like this," Troy
confessed, blushing slightly.

"Why not, Son?

"You were always so quiet, so refined. . . . I'm not complaining.  I
like the idea that I can talk to my mom about anything.  I didn't
like your being so quiet."

"That lasted until I was awakened one morning by Roy, to be told
that he'd kicked my oldest son out in the middle of the night
without consulting me.  Like you're not my son too!  Like my
feelings don't count for anything!  That's what being quiet and
refined around your father got me.  It was a wake-up call.  I knew
the dynamics in our relationship and family had to change, or I'd be
running into more shocks like that.  Since then, I've become tough.
I'm finally claiming ground I should have occupied years ago.
Besides, while you've demonstrated that you're a real man now, you
still have a lot to learn.  It's time for us to have conversations
like this.  You can learn from my mistakes.  In terms of inner
strength, you're Roy's son.  You don't want to go down a path with
Susan like that your father and I chose.  Susan's sensible, but I
was too - up to a point."

"I guess I still don't understand how you can be so strong now but
have been so silent all those years," Troy explained, his eyes
gently begging for an explanation.

Emily smiled.  "Troy, I grew up in a large rural family where women
had no worth if they weren't married to a man, a means of
demonstrating that they had won a man's approval.  You could be
intelligent, creative, responsible, articulate, but it all counted
for nothing until it was acknowledged by a man.  That's the way we
were raised.  That's was programmed into our recesses so deeply we
didn't even see it.  We needed a man's approval to be worth
anything.  It didn't make any difference how he treated you.  Aunt
Rose and Great Aunt Delores's husbands beat the stuffing out of them
at the least so-called provocation.  We all knew it was happening.
You can only pretend not to see bruises.  Like all the women in my
family, they suffered in silence.  Whatever Uncle Don did to Aunt
Rose, it was better to her than having no husband at all."  She
lapsed into silence, looking unhappily into space.

"What would you do today if you saw Aunt Rose all bruised?"

"Pull Uncle Don aside and tell him that if I ever heard or saw again
that he laid a hand on her, I'd clean his clock."

Troy's eyes widened.  "Mom, no offense, but could you really do that
as small as you are?" Troy asked, taking a sip of his tea.

"Son, I realize now that to really clean a clock, you start with the
pendulum and balls."

Troy choked on his tea, which spewed forth, testimony to his
surprise at his mother's remark.  He scooted to the kitchen to grab
a towel to wipe up the spewed tea and wipe off his face.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, her brows knitted in concern.

"I just never expected to hear my mom talk like that.  Or even
consider such a thing.  I guess you ARE getting tough."

"What weapons do I have with men who don't value women?  Men who
ignore what women say, shove their sons out into the night with no
consultation?  My method is called 'getting their attention.'"

Troy snickered.  "The fact that you're small doesn't discourage
you?"

"Why should it?  I'm lower to the ground, I'm fast, and I don't have
to have big feet to put a man on his knees, groaning, thinking he
won't ever push matters like that with me again.  From now on, any
man who thinks my dignity, person, and rights are fair targets for
his foolishness and ignores my warnings is going to be on his knees,
rethinking his assumptions."

"But Mom!  What if Uncle Don hurt you?  Knocked you out?  Put you in
the hospital?"

"When I got out and healed and he was out of jail, the next time I
saw him, I'd walk up to him and put him on his knees.  Then I'd
explain things to him so that he'd never, ever do that again.  If I
had a husband who was worth anything, I wouldn't have to do that
myself.  But I'm no longer afraid to do it.  To fail to do it is to
have to suffer a tyrant like your father and Uncle Don.  No more."

"Does Dad understand that?"

"I've told him our positions.  He hears but doesn't listen well.
He'll improve over time."  She paused.

 "Since your father kicked you out, Troy, I've been thinking about
those years in our early marriage.  I realize now that, when you
came along, he started changing.  He became controlling.  With the
birth of each of you boys, that need to control every detail became
stronger, so he became more demanding.  Before long, he was
dictatorial.  I think he thought he was doing his husbandly-fatherly
best for us.  As the family grew, he became more worried about what
it took to feed and protect all of us.  Somehow, he forgot about
loving us."

"That makes no sense to me.  Parents teach us to pay attention to
our responsibilities.  Loving family is chief among those.  How
could he forget that? Is it because his parents didn't model that
for him because they didn't know it either?"

"You've surely noticed, Troy, that the Morgan family is not warm.
Why do you think they don't get together much?  Mostly a Christmas
dinner.  Not even Thanksgiving.  A rock couldn't absorb any warmth
from their company.  I think there's a lot of unhappiness buried in
the Morgan family.  Actually, their aloofness meant we could spend
more time with my family.  Your father always enjoyed those
occasions.  But it also cast his family's coldness into stark
relief, which he couldn't ignore.  That's when I noticed he was
getting down on different groups of people, minorities of various
sorts.  He just couldn't seem to translate what he experienced with
my family to his family.  How that failure transferred to minorities
and other groups I don't understand.  I became convinced that, when
he tried so hard to relive his jock years through you, he was really
unhappy with the way things had come to be in our marriage and
family - and maybe even in HIS life."

Emily paused, sipping her tea, obviously savoring it.  "I think,
lacking a good model in the Morgan family, he was reaching back to
recapture a simpler time when there weren't so many demands on him
and when issues like your sexual behavior weren't complex.
Understand:  no one put any demands on your father. He imposed those
on himself.  By that time, we no longer made joint decisions or
shared our feelings."

"Did he ever care about us?" Troy asked.

"Didn't you ever notice how your name is your father's name with a
'T' in front - Roy, then Troy?"

"No."  Troy looked at his mother, his mind obviously running through
possible implications of her question.  "I noticed that the names
rhymed, but I thought that that was coincidental.  I never thought
there was any more to it."

"Your father insisted on your name.  He didn't want a junior in the
family - thought it was unfair to any son to be compared to his
father so visibly.  But your name was enough like his that he felt a
special bond between you two."

"I might have realized that bond existed if he'd ever told me, ever
talked to me about it," Troy said bitterly.  "I felt that we had a
bond as jocks until he started pressuring me to play basketball in a
way foreign to Coach Hernandez's style. What you just said about a
bond is nothing he ever expressed to me."

"That's the dark side of a controlling personality:  he can't trust
anyone to stand on equal footing with him while maintaining control.
He thinks that when a man provides people too much information about
himself, he puts them in a position to leverage control over him if
they wish.  They also might come to regard him as weak.  So your
father discloses little except what he expects from you.  I've
noticed that when men are afraid, they compensate by managing others
more. They don't really do anything in regard to themselves, just
others.  That's your father."  She paused a moment.

"I think Roy must have been a cut-throat jock - you know:  win at
any cost.  It's the only way I can explain his behavior.  I don't
think you'll move into that kind of despicable behavior, Troy.
Anyway, as you can understand, because I'm setting matters aright,
you can come home now.  I want all of us back together." She looked
at him in anticipation.

He arose, walked over to his mother and knelt before her, taking her
hands in his. "Mom, I love all of you.  I don't love Dad anymore.
Maybe someday I can love him again.  But not now.  I'll never love
him again if I come home now.  I'm just not going to be around him.
He's so stupid - "

"Troy, you're talking about your father."

"I've earned the right to say it:  he's so stupid he doesn't realize
how much he's hurt me.  I never knew calling someone names could
strip away the hide from the soul, but that's what he did to me."
He paused.  "And I followed him, using those names against others.
But a few of them, Susan among them, called me on it, made me think
about what I was really doing to those people.  I had no
justification for doing that to anyone.  Dad has no justification
for doing that to me.  Do you know how I felt when he called me a
fag?  I wince when I think about how others must have felt after I
did that.  I didn't make a practice of it, usually just did it
behind their backs, which was rotten anyway."  Troy shook his head a
little, trying to push the memories from his mind.

"Do you know how bad I felt when Dad told me to get what I needed
and get out of the house?  I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye to
anyone.  Does any father have a right to say that to his son, who
didn't hurt anyone?  Didn't do anything wrong?  We're supposed to be
a family.  Did he really have a right to kick me out?  I was so
afraid, so ashamed.  But what the hell did I have to be ashamed
about?  Disappointing my father?  That's no longer a sin in this day
and age. You do me no favors asking me to return because that is
what he'll do - remind me of my sins in his world, and he wouldn't
have to speak a word to do it.  I can be strong like you too, Mom.
I can say 'enough!'  He hasn't changed.  He's just humoring you.  I
won't come back."

Emily sighed, looking deeply into her son's eyes, where she saw
hurt, maybe hatred (but she didn't want to think about that), great
strength and determination. "I think we'd better never tell your
father that you got your strength from me.  I hear the new Emily
Morgan in your words.  I do understand what you mean."

"Are you going to kick Dad out because I'm not coming home?  I hope
you don't do that due to my decision."

Emily paused in thought for a few seconds.  "No.  What I wanted then
won't happen now.  I'd hoped Roy would come to his senses and
apologize.  I should have known he'd resort to bullying you and Mr.
Halsey to get you home."

Troy audibly sighed in relief.  "May I ask a question?" she
inquired.

"After what we've talked about this afternoon, Mom, I don't think
there's much that's 'off the table.'"

"I pushed your father to tell me why he called you those names and
kicked you out of the house.  What kind of a relationship do you
have with both Susan and Cody?  I'm a little mystified about how
that can occur?  Understand, I'm not judging or being nosy - I
realize now that you're too strong for that.  But I am a mother and
I love you.  I'd feel better knowing the lie of the land here."

Troy rocked back until he was sitting on the carpet on his shapely
butt, his arms clasped about his muscular legs, thinking.  "I love
Susan deeply and completely. We'll marry someday.  We'll have a
family and children."  Emily smiled.  "Cody is my brother, Mom.
We're like clones."

"I picked that up over several years after I began hearing his name
and seeing you with him occasionally."

"If I didn't know better, Mom, I'd think we were twins who were
separated at birth.  We can even communicate without saying
anything.  We know the other's next move.  I love him too, and not
just like a brother."  He paused clearing his throat.  "In addition
to Susan, he's my lover.  I guess that means I'm bisexual.  I hope
you don't hate me for that.  Susan knows.  It's no threat to her.
In fact, she and Cody and I are tight.  We're in a menage a trois."
Emily's eyes widened at the implications of Troy's explanation.
"You see now why I can't come home. There's no way Dad will ever
understand this.  He won't even try.  And I'm not going to be Aunt
Rose and be beaten up over this every time he decides I need to be
punished for not fitting his mold for me."

Emily studied him for a long while.  He arose and returned to his
tea, taking a sip.  "You're the center, aren't you?" she asked,
wishing verification for her astute insight.  "The one who created
this arrangement with Susan and Cody, the protector, the one who
makes it all work out?  That's another reason you find life with
your father intolerable.  His way of establishing himself as center
is to bully. Your way is natural, affirming of others, connecting
them to you with love."  Troy shook his head mutely.

"Well, it's a new age, isn't it?" Emily observed.  "I can't say that
threesomes like this didn't happen in my day, but we didn't know
about it.  It'll take me a while to adjust to it."

"Are you saying you feel like Dad does about it?"

She hastened to a response:  "No, Troy.  I acknowledge that you're a
man now.  I accept that.  When our children become adults, even
though young adults, we have to let go.  That's clearly where you
are now.  Even if your father can't see it, I can.  Whatever your
arrangement with Susan and Cody, it's your business.  I still love
you.  I've been learning to love Susan although I've not been in her
company much."

"It's because of Dad, Mom.  Susan isn't comfortable around him."

"I know, dear.  Now I need to get to know Cody better too."  She
paused.  "Troy, are you going to cut yourself off from your
brothers?"

"No," he said.  "I love them and feel responsible for them.  But I
don't think Dad will allow me to mix with them much.  Besides, when
I'm around them, they seem too much like Dad."

Emily set her mouth.  "You don't worry about your father.  You're a
good son. You're strong.  I want your brothers to see you as a model
free from their father's dynamics.  He's begun to treat Drew the
same way he treated you.  I'll not have any more of that.  But I
need you as a balance.  Your brothers have to realize that there are
alternatives.  That they aren't locked into Roy's script.  If they
are around you enough, they won't seem like your father.  So how can
that happen when you aren't at home?"

"We'll take them to movies with us.  We'll have outings.  You know
when I say 'we' that I mean Susan and Cody?  My buddies too?  Does
that meet with your approval?"

She shook her head in the affirmative.

"I'll ask Evan if I can have them here for overnights.  They'll love
it.  I won't shut myself off from them."

"Do you think that's imposing on Mr. Halsey's hospitality?"

"Mom, you HAVE to meet Evan.  You'll realize that if it were an
imposition, he'd say so.  But I know he'll be all for it.  It's not
unusual for us to gather back here after a social evening, sometimes
a large group.  If Evan's not out for the evening himself but he's
tired, he just goes to bed.  Above all, Mom, this is my home now.
Evan and Jeremy insist on my behaving that way."

"How can he supervise if he's asleep?"

Troy laughed.  "Mom, you've GOT to meet Evan.  When you do, you'll
know what I mean.  Nobody would think of violating Evan's standards
here.  He'd take them to the verbal woodshed if they did.  And he'd
be disappointed in them that he ever had to do that.  He would also
press that point home memorably."

Just then the front door opened, admitting Evan.  He looked up,
startled.  "Oh . . . I'm sorry," he said, walking over to the
sunroom door.  "I didn't think you'd still he here."  He hesitated,
torn this way and that about whether he should shut himself away
inside or leave again.  "I'll just leave and return later."

Emily arose.  "Please, Mr. Halsey, stay.  Troy and I have had a long
visit," she smiled at her son, "probably the longest visit we've had
in our lives.  Way overdue.  Troy has just explained why he's not
returning home.  I won't argue with him.  But I need to talk to you
about some details if you have the time."

Evan looked at both of them.  "If you wish," he said.  "Let me just
get rid of this coat and I'll be out shortly."

When Evan returned, Troy stood.  "Evan, I'd like you to meet my
mother, Emily Morgan.  Mom, meet Evan Halsey."  Evan extended his
hand, which Emily shook.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Evan responded.

"Likewise," Emily returned.  "I've heard much about you.  I noticed
Troy changed when he started in your class.  I think that's when
Susan came into his life too."

Evan smiled.  "Mrs. Morgan, have you and Troy had anything to eat?"
Evan asked.  Troy and Emily looked at each other, breaking into a
chuckle.  "We've had tea," she responded, "but we've been so deep in
a discussion that we never thought of food.  And please call me
Emily."

"If you will address me as Evan," he smiled back.  "Allow me to
prepare a quick meal for you - unless you have to return to dinner
at your home?"

"I'd like something quick, if it's no trouble," she said.  "I don't
have to rush home because I informed Roy that he's in charge until I
return.  He didn't like it, but it's time for him to begin caring
for his children too.  If you have the time, I'd like to visit with
you about Troy's wishing to remain here instead of returning home."

Evan shot a glance at Troy.  "Oh," he said.  "Of course."

"I've got an idea," Troy added.  "Let me prepare soup and a salad
while you two talk.  It's one of my favorite meals here, Mom."

"Okay," Evan said.  "But I've already had dinner.  I'll just have
coffee."  Troy noted that Evan was more subdued than he would
ordinarily be in meeting someone important to one of his people.
He wondered what had happened to cause that.

"Coming up," Troy said, shooting off to the kitchen.

"Troy called you 'Evan,'" Emily noted.  "Do all your students call
you that?"

"They are free to call me that here at home.  But in the classroom,
I'm Mr. Halsey, even to my son Jeremy."  Evan smiled.
"Occasionally, he drops a 'Dad' in the classroom, but it's always a
verbal stumble.  He immediately corrects himself.  I don't think
they forget whom they are addressing," he said, smiling.

Emily shook her head in understanding, appraising Evan.  "I heard
Roy's side about his coming here to bring Troy home.  I can just
imagine what you think of him.  But I'm working on him.  I'll try to
see that there will be no more trouble like that again.  Troy has
helped me understand that damage will be done to his future
relationship with his father if he returns home now.  I'm hopeful
that someday Roy will change enough that he and Troy can still have
a positive father-son relationship.  I MUST do what I can to see
that that's possible.  So I won't worry about Troy if you allow him
to stay here with you.  I also want to add that I'm grateful beyond
words that you took him in.  I was furious with Roy when he informed
me that he'd kicked Troy out.  It changed me.  Since Troy will be
staying here, I think we need to work out some financial
arrangements.

Evan started:  "I don't know that I need anything from you.  Troy
has fit in our home naturally.  It really doesn't cost that much
more to have him here with us. If you feel the need to contribute to
his stay here, I think it would help him if you provided him pocket
money.  Since support for college is now an issue for him, he's
studying hard to raise his GPA so that he'll be a hotter prospect
for a basketball scholarship."

"Oh," she smiled, "that's why I saw all the books and papers spread
out on his desk."

"Yes," Evan responded.  "Most evenings here, you'd think you were in
a study hall or in a reading room in a university library.  The
house is large enough that the three of us can find some space for
whatever kind of study we need to pursue. We try to schedule time at
the computer for each of us.  Troy wanted to get a job to earn some
spending money.  I urged him to wait until after basketball season
if he felt he really needed to do that."

Evan paused.  "Troy is quite intelligent, Emily.  He's just never
applied himself in that area of his life before.  He's catching up
nicely, but he does need the time to catch up.  Susan is helping
immensely.  In fact, they both are equally matched in intelligence
although it isn't quite the same kind for each.  Susan keeps her
intelligence inside; Troy is such a leader that he likes to direct
his intelligence outwardly."  Evan chuckled.  "I guess it's the jock
in him."  Emily smiled.  Evan continued, "I would like for him not
to have to work at all during the remainder of this year and the
next.  He'd have himself in fine shape next winter when he'll be
dealing seriously with university scouts.  I don't know though what
your feelings are in the matter."

She sat for a moment.  "I can't say that I'm entirely comfortable
allowing you to carry all the financial burden of having Troy live
with you.  I also know that I need some time to work on Roy to move
him to a point where he'll view his responsibilities to Troy
properly."  She sat thinking.  "I'll see to it that Troy has a
liberal weekly allowance.  He's never been a spendthrift, so I won't
have to worry about its being enough.  I think we'll provide him a
laptop computer to work on.  He'll need one for college anyway.
With his laptop, Jeremy and you will have more access to the
computer.  But at some point, I will want to assess how this
financial arrangement is working.  It won't seem fair to you
otherwise."

"Good," Evan responded.  "I've been planning to give Jeremy a laptop
for graduation.  If such an outlay is problematical, you could give
Troy the laptop, and he could use our set up to print out
assignments."

"Thank you, but he's going to need a printer at college anyway.
We'll go ahead and give that to him now."

Again she paused, thinking.  "I'm still not feeling comfortable
about not providing more for Troy financially."

"Well," Evan said, thinking, "why don't you determine what would
make you feel comfortable.  Then put that amount in an account each
month as a college fund for Troy.  I think it highly likely that
he'll receive a full-ride basketball scholarship, but that still
won't cover all his expenses.  If he's playing college basketball,
he won't have time for a job.  That fund will help him a lot."

"Not a bad idea," Emily replied.  "I'd like to speak to you about
another issue. It's imposing dreadfully on you, but you seem to be
the kind of person who will understand why I'm asking."  She
collected her thoughts.  "Roy is beginning to behave toward Drew,
Troy's next youngest brother, as he did with Troy.  And the boys are
following Roy's lead more than I want.  But they have no other male
model at home.  If I'm going to correct their drift toward Roy, I
need for them to have some time with Troy.  Maybe even Jeremy and
their friends.  But I know it won't work if we try it in our home.
They associate the surroundings with Roy. Could the boys visit Troy
here sometimes?  Troy and I discussed this arrangement.  He said you
wouldn't mind if the boys were here from time to time, even for a
sleepover.  Is that imposing too much?"

"Not at all," Evan stated.  "It's part of Troy's life that we both
want him to hang onto.  The boys have a treat awaiting them if they
can see Troy in all his strength."

"If you guys don't quit talking about me like that, I'm going to be
blushing for a week," Troy yelled from the kitchen.  "And I want to
go shopping with you, Mom, when you buy the laptop."

"I didn't think you could hear that well all the way in the
kitchen," she responded louder.

"I'm a jock, Mom.  You know - keen senses and all that," he said,
snickering.

				***

Even with all its positive moments, it had been a taxing day.  Emily
and Troy and Evan had had a chatty meal together in the dining room.
After she left, Troy departed to share the evening's events with Susan.
Having retired, Evan was lying in bed reviewing Ron's announcement that
they were starting all over again in order to place their
relationship on firmer footing.  In particular, he remembered Ron's
saying that, when they thought of each other, it should be the same
when they weren't together as it was when they were.  He remembered
that morning thinking about how good it felt with Troy in the house,
reacting to his presence, his body, his goodness.  He had to admit
that he didn't think or feel that way when Ron wasn't present, only
when he was.  Instead, he perceived Ron as being distant, far away.
However, Miles and Jim felt each other's presence all the time.
Identifying how it felt to have Troy in the house had helped him
understand what Ron meant.  As he felt himself beginning to drift
off, he heard the door open.  Smiling, he heard Troy and Susan's
quiet voices.  Then another muttered comment.  Cody!  Well . . . if
anyone could make it work, those three would.  Evan rolled to his
side.

The next he knew, he was awakened by the bed moving gently.  Someone
was climbing in!  A hardening cock was shoved up against his hip,
indicating that the interloper was naked!  Evan's head shot off the
pillow.  "Easy, Cub," Cody said softly.

"What . . . ?" Evan started to ask.  His mind shifted gears.
"Why . . . ?"

"I decided Troy and Susan deserve a night together.  So I'm going to
bunk with my Cub," Cody said, jerking Evan's boxers down and off and
throwing them over his shoulder to land somewhere - he didn't care
where - pulling Evan into his arms and against his body.  Any
objections?" Cody inquired.

Evan asked quietly,  "Did you know you were going to do this before
you came home with them?"

"Of course," Cody replied.   "So no objections, right?"

"Right."

"I knew there wouldn't be."

None too easily, Evan punched Cody in the gut.  "I'm not easy," he
replied archly.  "Don't take me for granted."

Cody chuckled.  "Jeremy's correct.  Once a fella locates your
buttons, they are so easy to push.  You're cute when you react to
your buttons.  I love it."  Evan lay quietly in Cody's arms, glad
for the touch of a man.  "Wish I'd been here when Troy's dad
attacked," Cody said.  "I heard you were a hoot."

"OH?" Evan said, challenging.

"Another button, Evan," Cody said.  "You're so easy."

Evan grabbed Cody's balls and squeezed.  "Cute too," Cody gasped.
Evan released the pressure, caressing Cody's ball sack.

"So what did Troy and Jeremy tell you?" Evan asked.

"That you backed Roy down, didn't give him any cover or a place to
dive into. He made the mistake of getting in your face, so you were
going to back him right off your turf like a wolverine.  And you
didn't call him names or put him down. Just showed him how his
careless plans could backfire on him.  But when Troy found his
stride in answering his dad, you backed off and let Troy handle it.
He was proud, Evan, proud that you would defend him against Roy the
way Roy should have defended his son.  Troy not only knew you
believed in him and his strength, but he saw it as just another
indication of how much you love him."

They lay in silence, slowly caressing each other.  "Evan, I want to
talk about something that I know is bothering you."

Evan raised his head a bit to check out Cody's visage to see if he
should worry, but it was hidden in shadows.  "You're worried that
Jeremy is drifting away now that he and Kenny are staying overnight
at Kenny's place.  They don't want you to think that, Evan.  We've
all discussed it.  It's just that they need to reassure Joe and
Rachel that they are now accepting the Walters's place as home too.
. . . . "Also, Jeremy has this kink."

"Kink?"

Cody giggled.  "Yeah, it turns him on to make love to Kenny in the
bed Kenny grew up in, the bed he was a little boy in.  They have
really powerful orgasms in that bed."

Evan laughed too.  "Well . . . that Jeremy!  Does that mean when
they're over here we're going to have to dress Kenny up as a little
boy?"  Both chuckled at the prospect.

Cody thought a moment.  "Do you think they'll demand to take that
bed to college when they go?"  Cody laughed so hard he snorted a
little.  When he had settled down, he gave Evan a peck of a kiss.
"So don't worry, Evan.  It will start to balance out soon. . . .
They're very happy, you know."

"I'm glad," Evan said quietly.

"You'll never lose Jeremy, Evan.  He couldn't exist without you.
I'm not talking about the money, car, and insurance - all those
things.  I mean you - your love, your protection, the total package.
He just brought all of you into his heart, Evan.  We're all getting
that way.  So you know how much I wanted to come up here and crawl
into bed with you."  He was quiet for a bit.  "I'm not messing
anything up with you and Poppa Ron, am I?" he asked, betraying a
hint of anxiety in his question.

"No. . . . Ron and I are still on romantically, but we've taken a
kind of sexual time-out."

Now it was Cody's turn to raise his head to study Evan's face.
"Why?"

"We were letting sex define our relationship too much."  Evan
thought a couple of seconds.  "Hell, sex WAS our relationship."

"Was the time-out your idea or Ron's?"

"Ron's."

"A year ago I wouldn't have understood how anyone could or would
take a time-out from sex.  But now that Troy and I and then you and
I and then Troy, Susan and I are lovers, I understand better how a
relationship shouldn't be based only on sex.  I guess that's why a
guy looks up a hooker or hustler," Cody mused. "He wants nothing
more than sex.  Funny - a guy can be all caught up in good sex but
never realize that it's anything more than what he could find on the
street. I'm glad I know how much more there is."

"I'm glad, too, Cody.  I would have worried because you seemed just
the sort to think sex was strong-arm behavior, a power trip, all
control.  I'm glad you've realized that there's more.  Obviously,
I'm learning that too."

It was quiet.  "Well, no," Evan corrected himself.  "I knew there
was more, but after my history with people, especially Tim . . . ,"
Cody felt a slight tremor pass through Evan. ". . .I thought I'd
better get what I could - even if it was only sex because there
wouldn't be anything more for me."

They lay, quietly caressing some area of the other's body.  "Are you
and Poppa Ron getting it on?" Evan asked Cody.

Cody didn't answer immediately.  Evan knew he was trying to play out
the ramifications of an answer.

"A few times," Cody replied. . . ."He's my dad and my Lion, Evan.
If Jeremy wanted to climb into your bed, you wouldn't keep him out,
would you?"

"No."

"Same with me and my new dad.  If anything, the love we have for
each other makes his love for you stronger.  He loves you, Evan.
Really loves you.  Do you doubt that?"

"No."

"So we're okay?"

Evan leaned in and kissed Cody warmly on his lips.

They remained silent.  "Troy, Susan, Kenny, and Jeremy are so
lucky," Cody commented.  "They have you as their teacher."

"I'm not certain you would like me so much if you had been my
student," Evan observed.  "I suspect we'd have locked horns more
than once."

Cody moved his body so their cocks were clasped together in his
grasp.  "Isn't that what we are doing now," he asked, giggling.

"Well, before you lament too much, you really might want to think
about what it could have been like, Cody."

"No, I know we'd have locked horns.  Would it have been because
we're different or because I'd get in your face to see what you
would do?"

"It would have been because I'd make it clear that I expect you to
give me your best, not your most smart ass or cool."

"I don't care:  I want what they have with you.  I want you teaching
me all the things you've taught them.  I want you teaching me how to
think. . . . Feel too."

"Well, we can always see what will rub off on you," Evan offered.
Cody immediately rolled on top of Evan, kissing him hard.  Evan
returned the kiss, hungry for male love.  After a bit, Cody said, "I
want to tell you about Troy, Susan and me the other night."  Cody
felt Evan's body stiffen slightly.  "No, Evan, you mean a lot to us.
And we're here in your home.  We think we owe it to you.  We love
you.  We want you to know.  We've talked about it.  We want you that
close."

Cody collected his thoughts.  "It was Troy's idea.  I guess you
already knew that. We were at Cisco's having a nightcap.  Don't
worry, just Cokes.  Troy told me that Susan was spending the night
at his place.  I asked if you knew.  He replied that you all sorted
that out when he moved in permanently - he could have overnight
guests.  He and Susan were holding hands.  I saw him wink at her,
and she squeezed his hand.  He turned to me and said that they
wanted me in bed with them too.  I couldn't believe what I was
hearing!  I looked at Susan because I thought she might have a
problem with that.  But she was smiling back at me, shaking her head
yes.  So I knew they had discussed it before that night.  I just
grinned back, picked up Susan's other hand and kissed it softly on
the back, caressing the skin with the tip of my tongue.  I felt a
shiver move through her." As he spoke, Cody reached for Evan's hand,
showing him what he'd done with Susan's.  When he felt Cody's tongue
tip caressing the back of his hand, Evan boned up even more.

"I looked at Troy, realizing that he understood my feelings.  He was
okay with my wanting Susan.  In fact, he WANTED me to desire Susan
and her to want me. Some of the kids at Cisco's were watching us
because we were at a table in the middle surrounded by all those
booths around the outer walls.  But it was like they weren't there
at all.  Just the three of us.  So I stood up, gesturing with my
other hand to Susan as though I were Sir Walter Raleigh showing her
out the door.  She and Troy got up and we walked out, each with an
arm around Susan.  I checked a few people on the way out.  Several
women knew what was going on and where we were going.  They smiled,
winking and looking envious.  A couple of the guys figured it out
too.  They were smiling so big that their faces were in danger of
cracking."  Cody chuckled.

"We didn't say anything all the way home, but we were happy, wanting
what was going to happen.  When we got here, we saw the door to your
bedroom closed. We knew that Jeremy was going to be with Kenny that
night.  So we went down to Troy's room.  When we got there, Troy
pulled Susan and me into his arms, kissing Susan first and then me.
Hot kisses.  Then I turned to look at Susan.  She smiled.  Troy put
his hand behind my head and gently pushed me toward Susan. I kissed
her.  Oh man, Evan, did she ever kiss me.  She meant it.  I felt so
honored."  A sigh escaped Cody.  "It was so sweet, Evan, gentle but
hot.  I never experienced such a kiss before.  I never imagined that
Susan would want to kiss me that way.  We kept kissing while Troy
moved away to pull the covers back from the bed.  Then he started
undressing.  I started helping Susan get out of her pullover.  Then
she helped me out of my shirt.  Then I unfastened her jeans, and
then she unfastened mine.  Troy walked up behind her and unfastened
her bra, gently pulling it off.  Then he moved up close behind her
and moved his hands around her sides to cup her breasts and tease
her nipples with his fingers."

Again, Cody sighed.  "Damn, Evan.  She has beautiful breasts!  Not
too small like with many young women, but not huge either.  Just
right.  While Troy played with her nipples, I leaned down and kissed
each breast - with tongue."  As Cody described his behavior, he
replicated it with Evan, kissing his nipples. "Everything about her
was just right - slim hips; slim, shapely legs; even her pubic hair
trimmed to a neat triangle.  Troy came around and helped us get out
of our clothes.  Then he kissed Susan deeply.  He turned to me and
kissed me the same way.  He had Susan and me so turned on!"

"Troy pulled us over to the bed, gently helping Susan lie down in
the middle. Then he pushed me down on one side of her while he
walked around to the other side and lay down.  We took turns kissing
her.  While one did that, the other kissed, licked, and sucked her
beautiful body, like this."  Cody leaned down and began kissing
Evan's ears, moving down to his mouth, down his neck, down to his
nipples, where he spent more time.  Then slowly down Evan's stomach
to his pubes.  He paused, "She smelled so good, Evan.  Troy's smell
turns me on one way, the same way yours does," he explained as he
ran his nose through Evan's pubic bush to his balls, which he lapped
with his tongue as he moved under his balls, pushing Evan's legs
back.  "Susan's smell turns me on another way.  I don't need to tell
you how boned up Troy and I were."

At this point, Evan reached out to gently grasp Cody's dick, which
was hard as steel and dripping.  Holding the mushroom cap against
the palm of his hand, Evan closed his hand, making small milking
motions with his fist.

Cody sucked in his breath.  "Susan did that too.  How'd you know?"

"You are so handsome, hot, exciting, that you make us want to do
it," Evan said softly.  "Besides, you've observed the link between
Susan and me."

Cody and Evan engaged in foreplay slowly and quietly for a while.
Cody began his narrative again.  "Then Troy took my arm and pulled
me on top of Susan.  He pushed my knees way under me, which raised
my butt high in the air so that he could get his head between us.
He'd lick Susan's pussy, then he'd lick my dick the way I'm going to
lick yours now . . ." and with that, Cody began licking Evan's slick
cock just as he described how Troy had done.  Eventually, Cody moved
up to Evan's lips, kissing him hard, then back to his narrative
". . . back and forth.  He'd stroke my balls and caress Susan's
labia."  Cody stroked Evan's hairy balls, moving his fingers back
to tickle Evan's perineum.  Evan replicated Cody's moves.  "Susan
and I were kissing passionately while he was doing that, whispering
how we were turning each other on, how happy we were to be sharing
love this way, how much we'd fantasized about sex with each other.
Troy chuckled as though he'd known all along that we wanted this with
each other.  He's so strong that our fantasies didn't shake him at
all."

"Troy placed a pillow under Susan and then got behind me and started
eating me out.  Oh Evan, what a turn on - to be making love to a
beautiful woman like Susan while your brother is eating out your
ass.  I never imagined it could be so good.  Eventually, Troy
grabbed some lube from the nightstand and coated my dick a little
and his a lot."  As Cody related events, he replicated them with
Evan, grabbing lube from the nightstand, lubing both his and Evan's
cocks.  "He pushed me slowly down on Susan, lining my dick up so
that when it met Susan's pussy, I sank in naturally."  At this
point, Cody began sinking his cock in Evan's ass.  Cody shuddered -
"so warm, so wet, so slick, so silky. . . . I've had other women
before, Evan, grown women, but it was never as good as it was with
Susan - or my buddies or Papa Ron."  He paused, emitting a gasp.
"It was just as good for Susan because she immediately had an
orgasm."  Cody shuddered slightly, remembering.

"Troy let us get underway a bit, then he lifted my hips a little and
started pushing his big dick into my ass.  He didn't push much.
Just let my fucking motions take care of seating his cock.  Then he
placed those big, talented hands on my hips and started pumping,
taking over our fuck.  He'd lean down on one side and give Susan a
hot kiss.  Then he'd move to the other side so that I could turn my
head toward him for a hot kiss.  I really wasn't doing much moving,
because Troy's thrusts were causing me to thrust into Susan.  Troy
said, 'I'm making love to the two most important people in my life.
I love you, Susan, to the depths of my heart.  I love you, Cody, to
the depths of my heart.  I want us to be together forever.'"

"Troy fucked us a while.  Then he said, 'Susan, I'll always honor
you.  So will my other lover, Cody.  We'll be your men.  We'll
protect you, care for you. Cody, Susan and I will be your lovers.
We'll do the same for you.  You two will never want for love from
me.  I can make this happen for us because my heart is so full of
love for you both.'"  Cody snickered.  "Actually, he had to stop
talking to regain control so that he wouldn't climax too soon.  Then
he'd start talking again.  He had started moving faster while he was
talking.  I think unveiling his plans for us, finally hearing them
take the form of words, turned him on because he was pumping faster,
kissing us back and forth faster.  Then he yelled, 'I'm cumming.  I
love you both!'  Then he poured into me, Evan.  I poured into Susan
just a few strokes after that.  Susan had been having orgasms every
now and then, but she had another with us."

"We lay still, gasping for maybe ten minutes.  Then Troy slowly
pulled out of me and went to the bathroom to wash up.  Neither Susan
nor I moved.  When Troy came back - he was still hard, that big dong
wagging back and forth when he walked back into his bedroom - he
gently took a hold of my hips and pulled me out of Susan, rolling me
over to one side.  Then he got between Susan's legs, leaned down and
kissed her.  When they broke the kiss, Susan took his big dick,
lined it up, and he sank into her."  Again Cody giggled.  "You
should have heard the squishing sounds when he pushed through my cum
into Susan.  I swear, Evan - Susan shuddered with another orgasm,
just as you are going to do now."  With that, Cody thrust hard
against Evan's prostate, triggering a climax in Evan, who moaned out
Cody's name.

When he'd recovered, Cody continued, "Susan took over the talk,
describing how she felt being protected by TWO men, brothers, twins,
clones.  She whispered a little about how her girl friends would
fantasize about what it would be like to be in bed with both of us
men at the same time.  In other words, we were making a secret
fantasy of Susan's come true.  She talked about how she liked Troy's
big, manly body.  She told us how some of her friends would secretly
masturbate on the bleachers while watching us play.  Don't ASK me
how they did that.  It's clearly not like guys.  Evan, I think they
even make bets about getting off while watching us play basketball."

At this point Evan cracked up, finally gasping for breath.  "What's
so funny?" Cody asked, a trifle peeved.

"I'll never be able to attend another one of your games without that
image activating in my mind - your female fans masturbating in the
Lottery of Love for Troy and Cody!  Just imagine what the color man
on the radio sports network might be telling fans if he knew."  Now
Cody started laughing with Evan, while he punched Evan gently but
repeatedly on the shoulder.  Then he started fucking Evan in
earnest.  Evan moved a hand around Cody's shapely ass, caressing his
balls while nibbling on Cody's nipples.  "Oh yes . . . yes," Cody
gasped.  "Love me, Man.  I know you love me.  Now show me."  Evan
turned on big time, plunging two fingers into Cody's hole, aiming
for his prostate.  Once he'd located it, he held his fingers still,
allowing Cody's increasingly intense thrusts to cause Evan's fingers
to probe Cody's gland.  Suddenly, Cody emitted a loud 'OH-H-H-H-H-H-
H-H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h, Susan' as he shot his cum deep into Evan.  Then
he collapsed onto Evan, who loved bearing Cody's weight.

"I love you, Evan Halsey," Cody said softly. Then Cody jerked.  "Did
I say Susan's name when I had an orgasm?"

"Yes," Evan replied.

"Evan, I'm so sorry.  Oh . . . how uncool.  I apologize, Evan.  It
doesn't mean you don't count with me.  I was concentrating so much
on letting you know how it felt that I guess it slipped out. . . . I
guess I was also telling you that I enjoyed it as much with you as I
did with Susan."

"It's okay, Cody.  I'm honored to be classed with Susan. . . . I
love you, Cody Saxon," Evan echoed.

				***

Miles had ordered a picnic basket from a wine and cheese shop,
ascertaining that Jim would return to his farm after leaving school
at the end of the day.  He told Jim he was coming out to talk about
his meeting with Brenda and her attorney. Jim had been quiet.  'He
knows,' Miles groaned inwardly.  'I hate it that my responsibility
to tell him will result in his being hurt.  I love that man.  I never
want to hurt him,' Miles was thinking as he left the office.  'He
came to me hopeful that I could help him hang onto the farm, but I
failed.'

He'd picked up the picnic basket at the shop.  He mused as he walked
by a display of additions to romantic picnic baskets, 'Wonder if
they sell new hearts here for ones that are broken.'  On the way to
the farm, he wracked his brain, trying to think of anything he could
do to make the auction of the farm less painful for Jim.  He
wouldn't fool himself into thinking that his love for Jim would be
enough to buoy his spirits.  This issue ran right to the center of
Jim's identity.  He'd call Ron and Evan to tell them that it was
time to step in and help support Jim.

When he arrived at the farm, Jim wasn't out on the porch, waiting
for him as was often the case.  Miles alighted from the car,
grabbing the picnic basket, striding up to the back porch and up the
steps.  He glanced inside, seeing Jim sitting at the kitchen table,
his head in his hands.  The sight made a bolt of pain shoot through
his heart.  He knocked softly on the door.

Jim looked up, smiling slightly, arising and walking to the door,
opening it.  As Ron entered, Jim grabbed him, holding onto him
tightly like a frightened little boy.  Miles dropped the basket and
slowly ran his hands over Jim's back.  Finally Jim asked,  "What's
in the basket?"

"Our picnic dinner.  Let's go someplace nice and eat while we talk."

Jim just shook his head in the affirmative.  As they walked out the
door, he grabbed a jacket.  "So where shall we have our picnic?"
Miles prompted.

"The hayloft," Jim answered quietly.  Miles's turned his head to
study Jim.  Well, he guessed that made some sense.  They'd had some
good times there.  Their first venture into lovemaking occurred
there.  They walked silently to the barn.  'Like condemned men
walking past the firing squad to the wall,' Miles thought.

They slid the doors to the barn open enough for them to enter,
walked slowly down the center aisle to the ladder.  Jim flipped a
light switch as they climbed slowly into the loft.  The sleeping bag
was still spread out over the hay, indicating, Miles imagined, Jim's
wish to replay sex in the loft many more times.

Jim seemed to lose energy, just plopping onto the sleeping bag.
Miles set the basket on the sleeping bag, removed his suit coat, and
sat down, opening the basket.  He pulled out a red-checkered paper
tablecloth and spread it in front of them.  He pulled out a bottle
of wine, some plastic tumblers, a corkscrew, some wrapped
sandwiches, some sliced cheese wrapped in clear plastic, and a bunch
of green Thompson grapes.  Using the corkscrew provided, he expertly
withdrew the cork from the bottle of merlot and poured it in the
glasses, handing Jim's to him.  He raised his glass in a salute to
Jim, signaling an intention to clink their glasses, which Jim
obliged.  He sipped his wine, but Jim tossed his head back, drinking
the entire glass at once.  Miles's eyes widened.

"Okay, lower the boom," Jim said, grabbing the wine bottle and
filling his tumbler again.

I want you to know, Jim, that Brenda still cares for you.  She
doesn't want to hurt you.  She isn't angry with you.  She harbors no
desire for revenge or anything like that.  She really is a good
person."

"I know," Jim replied softly, looking down at his sandwich out of
which he taken only a couple of bites.  He grabbed a piece of
cheese, nibbling at it.  "Go on."

"She's frightened, Jim.  She hasn't been in the city long enough to
have met a man who would want to marry her, to take care of her.
She thinks her future is pretty bleak.  She's like these young
actors and actresses who head right out for Hollywood, thinking
they'll walk into the role in a movie or TV show that will begin
their path to stardom.  But she hasn't walked into the man yet that
will begin the path to the next phase in her life.  I think he's
there.  She just hasn't figured out where to go to encounter him."

Jim sat silently.  "I offered to buy her share of the farm," Miles
stated.

Jim's head shot up, his eyes wide, hopeful.  "You'd to that for me?"
he asked. Miles reached over and gently ran his fingers down Jim's
cheek, feeling a thrill clear down to his dick as Jim's stubble
rasped against his fingertips.  "I love you, Jim."

"So what happened?" Jim asked with more energy.

"She immediately liked the idea because you wouldn't lose the farm."
Jim's head was shaking up and down in agreement.  "But her lawyer
pointed out that an auction would likely bring her more money, her
only chance of ever gaining money for her future security.  She
couldn't argue with that, Jim.  So she reluctantly asked that the
farm be auctioned."

Tears sprang to Jim's eyes as his head slowly dropped, his mouth set
in a firm line.  He was trying to hold a sob in, Miles knew.  "You
should know that when Brenda's lawyer wanted to auction everything
on the place, she put her foot down.  She told him that it was bad
enough that she was the cause of your losing your farm.  So she
wasn't going to leave you without the means to start again somewhere
if you wanted.  Her lawyer was angry, but she held firm, threatening
to fire him if he persisted in arguing with her."  The lines from
the old song "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do" started running through
Miles's head.  Until now, it had been only a nice, melancholy
ballad.  At the moment it was all too real for Jim.

"The house?" Jim managed to gasp out, not looking at Miles.

"She didn't think you'd want to live here, looking everyday at the
land you loved and had to sell, Jim.  So it's to be included in the
auction.  But everything in it is yours.  All the furniture, farm
equipment, tools, horses - all that is yours.  It won't be included
in the auction."

Jim just shook his head mutely.  "When?" he choked out.

"I took the liberty of contacting three auction companies," Miles
explained.  "I didn't think you'd want to linger here.  Since they
will be auctioning only the land and house, it can happen in as
little as two weeks' time if that's what you wish."

"Would you arrange it for me?" Jim asked, looking up at Miles, tears
running down his cheek.  "I just can't do it."

"When?"

"As soon as possible.  I'll start looking for someplace else.  I'll
have to find someplace for all the equipment.  Oh - and the horses.
I'll have to find a place for them."

"Jim, why don't you concentrate on that.  Come stay with me until
you can find a place.  You'll have more time to look, find the right
place."

Jim gasped out a "Thanks."

Miles took their glasses, setting them aside.  He scooted over next
to Jim, pulling him into his arms.  Jim was immediately wracked with
sobs.  He no longer had a reason to maintain a stiff upper lip.  He
must have been weary of the worry and anxiety.  The pain Miles felt
inside could only be a fraction of what Jim was feeling, so he knew
Jim was really hurting.  He wondered if he had ever felt pain this
great in his entire life.  But he was gratified that Jim trusted him
enough to allow his vulnerability to show through his controlled
facade.  Miles let Jim cry it out.  He held him, running his hand in
slow, lazy circles over his back.  Finally, Jim moved back,
sniffling, croaking out an apology for breaking down.

Miles placed his thumb and index finger under Jim's chin, raising it
so that Jim would have to look him in the eyes.  "You haven't lost
everything.  I love you, Jim.  Really love you.  I want us to make a
life together."  Jim turned his head away, breaking contact.

Miles waited a moment.  "Jim, do you have enough money or can you
borrow enough money to buy Brenda's share at the auction?  It was a
suggestion that Brenda made, hoping you could still keep the farm.
She really doesn't want to take the farm, Jim."

Jim was silent.  "I should have let her help with the finances."  He
paused.  "I thought that was a husband's job.  She probably didn't
know that I borrowed all I could to keep the farm afloat.  She had
to sign the papers, but she didn't ask any questions because she
trusted me."  He blushed.  Miles knew that that admission about
having borrowed a lot of money made Jim feel like a failure yet
again.

"Five years ago, with two dry winters in a row, the crops really
didn't make.  I had to borrow to keep the farm.  I just couldn't get
back where I was before the dry spells.  I'm maxed out on credit.
I'm making my payments, but I do it out of my monthly salary.
That's all I have anymore."

"What about family?" Miles asked, hopeful.

"Naw.  My branch is about to die out.  It will with me.  Two maiden
aunts who live together in Colorado are the only family I have left.
They just have small savings and Social Security.  Nothing more."
Jim was silent.  "Thank you for trying to think of something, Miles.
There's just no hope."  They sat in silence until Jim began packing
the food back in the basket.  He arose slowly, moving to the hole in
the floor to climb out of the loft.  He was on autopilot, Miles
knew. He followed him to the back porch of the farmhouse.

"I'd be happy to stay with you tonight, Jim," Miles offered.

Jim was silent a moment.  "I never thought I'd say this when it came
to you, Miles, but I need to be alone to think tonight.  I've got to
get myself together, start planning.  May I take a rain check?"

"Of course," Miles answered.  He gave Jim a peck on the cheek as he
squeezed his shoulder, then turned toward his car.  He'd for sure
call Ron and Evan as soon as he reached home.

(To be continued.)