CBT: How it all began...so many years ago. Pt 1. Comments to dickstuffer50@myself.com

I really don't know what caused it to begin. I was living alone for the first time in my life. The idea and freedom of living alone was very heady for me. The idea that I could do or not do what I wanted when I wanted gave me a new sense of freedom and, subconsciously, a sense of daring.

I'd known I was gay for years at this point. I'd lived with a 'partner' for 14 years until I seized the opportunity to get my own place. It was traumatic, for both of us, my moving out of my partner's home and I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing. Yet the need for my own place and space and the ability to call my own shots urged me to go forward. After some tension and resentment at my moving out, my partner came around in his thinking. He would visit me at my place and we'd have dinner and sex and hang out on the weekends.

It was after I'd been living there a few months and was home alone, that the idea came to me out of nowhere. It was a cold winter. Unless you had plans for the evening it was not uncommon to stay home and enjoy the cozy warmth. I'd had no plans for the evening and was just lolling around the house. I slowly became aware that I was horny. This was before the internet took hold and you could find pic and cams sites. So, when you became horny you relied on videotapes, which were very popular at the time, for porn. I had a few gay videotapes which I often watched when horny to help me jerk off. Although I pulled out my favorite tape, I seemed to be in a mood this night where I felt the urge to do something 'different.'

I stripped nude and lay on the bed in front of the tv which was playing my favorite gay porn tape. The tape wasn't doing it for me this night. I felt like I was smoldering and wanted to get myself to feeling as if I were on fire, sexually. Somehow, the thought came into my head to do some cock play. This cock play was to be more than just stroking my cock. I felt the need to do something very different and very perverse. Somehow, the thought formed in my mind.

I got up and went to my computer desk and took a pencil and a stick pen. Without consciously planning it I decided I would use these as toys this night and use them with my cock. First, I took the pencil and started to push it into the peehole of my cock. I was surprised that the hole opened enough to let the point go inside. This turned me on immensely. I started pushing the pencil farther down into my cock. The sight of seeing the pencil fill my peehole and feeling it as it went lower made me incredibly hot. I continued to push the pencil deeper down my upright cock. Once I passed the head, there seemed to be a tightness in my urethra. I stopped for a few seconds and then continued to push the pencil farther down my urethra. A stinging arose as I pushed the pencil past the head and continued to push it deeper. The stinging was a bit uncomfortable, but by now I was on fire. I'd never thought of this before and the sight and feeling of pushing a pencil down my cock was making me tremendously hot. I was taking my time and not rushing things. In spite of the stinging, I was determined to satisfy my curiosity with this kinky play.

I lay fully nude on my bed with my back leaning against the headboard. I'd look up a the videotape, which I'd seen countless times before, and seeing a cock fill the screen only made me hotter to continue with this perverse play.

I continued to push the pencil farther down my urethra in spite of the stinging. The pencil was about 5 inches long and now the only part sticking out of my cock head was the metal collar and eraser. I put the lead end in because it had a tapered and dull point. I thought it might be easier to insert than the flat, blunt end of the eraser. I was so hot feeling this pencil fill my urethra with the eraser sticking out of my cockhead. If I'd had a camera (this is before cell phones and digital cameras) I would have taken a closeup pic of my cockhead with the pencil in it. I was on fire with lust and the feeling of the pencil filling my urethra. I kept feeling my cock all over, The head felt alive with every nerve possible and the sight and feel of the pencil causing the underside of my cockshaft to bulge was fantastic. I truly was on fire with passion over this newfound way to play.

I started slowly pulling the pencil almost all the way out only to slowly push it all the way in again. In spite of the stinging, which seemed to lessen, the feel of the pencil against the walls of my urethra as I moved it in and out were fantastic. I'd never felt anything like this before. I forgot about the videotape as my concentration was on the sight and feel of my stuffed cock. I lay back and spread my legs as wide as I could as I slowly but repeatedly pulled and pushed the pencil in my cock. The stinging was still there, but the excitement at this new feeling of something inserted down my cock was overwhelmingly ecstatic. I'd lost track of time as I played with my cock in this new way. It must have been about an hour of playing, that I decided to try the pen in my cock.

I took out the pencil, loving the feeling of it withdrawing and rubbing the walls of my peetube. Since this play was spur of the moment and the first time I'd done it I never thought of lube. I used spit to lube the pencil and now used it on the pen. The stickpen might have been about 6 inches long. I stuck it in my mouth about halfway to lube it with saliva.

I then started inserting the pen in my cock. Again, the feeling of it descending as I pushed made me incredibly hot. The stinging seemed to lessen as I played. I pushed the pen slowly down my cock and reveled in the feeling of it filling my peetube and rubbing agains the walls of my urethra. I took my time pushing the pen deeper as each millimeter felt better and better. I finally got the pen pushed down far enough to feel a tightness in my cock. The pen was about 4 to 5 inches in my cock with the end sticking out when it hit that tightness. When I lifted my cock to see the underside and the bulging urethra I saw that the pen was just at the top of my balls. I squeezed my filled urethra and tried to coax more of the pen deeper into my cock. The resistance was strong and as I tried to push deeper a new feeling of discomfort and some pain arose. I decided that this was about the deepest I could go. There must be a physical barrier that I could not pass, I figured.

I continued to pull out and push in the pen and marveled at my urethra as I did so. I could see the urethra narrow as the pen retracted and widen as it was pushed deeper. I was tremendously excited to see and feel my cock stuffed to the top of my balls. Time had lost meaning and I completely forgot about the videotape. My mind was focused on my cock and the sight and feel of the pen as I moved it in and out repeatedly. I felt tremendously hot not only from the feeling of what I was doing but, somehow, believing that no one else had ever done this before. I lay there in a sort of trance as I continued to stuff my cock and time seemed to stand still. After quite a bit of time working the pen in my cock I decided to remove it, My cock head was on fire and I had to do things very slowly. I was so hot I felt I would cum at any instant.

Once I removed the pen, my cock was very hard and thick and sensitive to my touch. My cock now stung somewhat from the invasion of the pen and pencil. I laid back and reveled in what I'd done and how it felt. I couldn't touch my cock for fear I'd cum. My cock didn't lose it hardness and the memory of what I'd just done did nothing to lessen my excitement or the steel hardness of my cock. I don't think my cock ever felt so alive and sensitive to touch as it did at this moment. I decided this was enough kinky play and thought it best to finish for the night. I stroked my cock and had one of the best and most forceful orgasms ever! I decided I would do this again. Stay tuned for more.