Date: Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:06:51 -0700 (PDT) From: MASTER bndmaster13 Subject: "I Had No Idea" - Part 24 "I Had No Idea" - Part 24 BY - BNDMaster13@yahoo.com All rights reserved. Other than downloading one copy for personal enjoyment, no part of this story may be reproduced or transmitted by any means, except for reviews, without the written permission of the author. Comments on the story are appreciated and may be addressed to the author, BNDMaster13@yahoo.com. This story contains descriptions of consensual sexual contact between adult males. As such it is homoerotic, designed for the entertainment of mature adults. If you are not of legal age to read such material, or if the subject matter would create unresolvable personal moral dilemmas, please exit now. I got a very interesting response to Alex's last journal entry. One e-mail requested to hear more about Alex when he is left alone. It seems that someone out there actually enjoys reading about how Alex thinks. Usually, as I think most readers know, I attempt to edit out a lot of Alex's wanderings. However, this time I have decided to indulge anyone out there who desires more of Alex's thoughts. I am going to simply let him talk, so to speak. I have picked a particular journal entry that I enjoyed. Hopefully, you the reader will enjoy it also. Obviously, this time I am not going to get to do as much writing as last time. Personally, I am just a little disappointed. I enjoyed it so much. But for all you faithful Alex fans, let me turn this over to him. The only thing I am going to do is rearrange the order of this from the way he originally wrote it: God, sometimes my life gets lonely! As I sit here, I really wonder if someone reading my story really understands that concept. If I know Rick, he posts scenes with lots of action. But never really anything to express just how much time I spend totally by myself. Well, I really can't say totally by myself. I always have my hormones to keep me company. I know I have told you about my cb3000. For the most part Rick keeps me locked in it when he isn't home. Those are the days when I am allowed a limited amount of freedom in my movements. But about a third of the time I am tied tightly with no movement at all. Those days, I don't have the restriction of my cock being locked away. Oh no, those days, Rick leaves my cock free. Instead of the cage keeping me from getting hard, my cock spends the entire day hard, but totally out of my reach. You see what keeps me company is my thoughts. I relive every session Rick and I have ever had, while I sit there all alone. I fantasize over what new tortures he will dream up to inflict on me. I even dream about Rick torturing Jose. Because, quite honestly, it turns me on to watch Rick abuse Jose. When I have my cb3000 locked securely in place, all my dick can do is strain against it's plastic prison. I will admit it hurts, but I like it, the pain keeps me sane. When the pain of my attempted erection gets to bad, it forces me to think of something else. My cock slowly settles down, the pain goes away, and time passes. This works for awhile, but then, as always my mind slowly drifts back to Rick, my cock starts trying to get hard and the process starts all over again. On the other hand, when my cock isn't locked away I stay hard all day. The harder I get the hornier I get. The hornier I get the more my mind will only focus on Rick. At the outset I can marshal my thoughts and settle my cock down a bit. But eventually it becomes impossible. Soon all I can do is think about my cock. How hard it is. How badly I need to cum. How turned on Rick makes me. How hot I am for him. How badly I want his hands on me. How much I want him to torture me. How badly I need to see him getting turned on by abusing me. To see his gloriously hard cock waiting for me to service it. But I can't see him! He isn't torturing me! I am all by myself! Yet he is torturing me, because all I can see is my hard cock throbbing uselessly between my legs. What earthly good does it serve? If only I could stroke it, just touch it. It has been so long. So many months since I touched myself. I find myself wanting so badly to cum. Then my ass will start twitching and I realize that what I really want is Rick. I want him in me. I don't even care if he just stuffs my ass with a plug. I don't care if he hurts me. I just want him using my ass. Then my tits will get so sensitive that just the air on them sends quivers through my body. I want Rick's hands touching them. I even crave clamps on them if it makes him happy. All I want is Rick. I don't care what way. I just need Rick. I need to serve him. I need to worship him. I NEED to be used by him. My ass, my mouth, my tits, my entire body, they belong to him and I NEED him to use me. He can whip me. He can torture me. I don't care. I just NEED him! But even with this realization, all it does it make my cock harder which in turn starts the train of thought all over again. I realize that I am only fulfilled, only really happy when I am being used by Rick. My only purpose is to serve him. I love him, I need him. Time slowly drags by as I sit there in a perpetual loop of raging thoughts and hormones. Those are the days I want to beg him to lock my cock away and never release it. But I know he will never do that. He enjoys far to much, making me suffer, and he will use any and every means at his disposal to make that happen. God, just trying to type this I start losing control. My cock is trying to get hard, but thankfully today is a cb3000 day. If it wasn't I would never be able to write and you would never be able to learn about my suffering. In turn I know that would make Rick mad. He enjoys hurting me. He gets turned on by it. But I think, anymore, he gets just as much pleasure in reading what I have written and then sharing it with others. I think he actually gets off on people knowing what a sadistic bastard he is. Well, that, and as Rick puts it, "I own Alex and they don't. They can only look on in envy. He is all mine and I am not going to share him." I have got to stop Alex here for just a minute. I know I said I would just let him ramble, but is anyone tired of it yet? Isn't what he just described, the whole point to a Master / slave relationship? The Master uses the slave. The slave belongs to the Master. It isn't about the slave's needs, it's about the Master's. In learning to concentrate on the Master and put him first the slave has all it's needs fulfilled. Because being a real slave, not just a pretend one, means that it needs to serve and be used. It isn't just some game. The slave requires it to be happy. However, to be a true Master it doesn't mean that you just take this all for granted and abuse your slave. No, this is a life that has been given to you. Yes, you get pleasure from using it, but you know it has needs and wants. You have to learn to know the slave better than it knows itself. You have to learn to play those needs and wants to always bring out the best in your slave. Always pushing and expanding, yet never taking it to far. People look at the relationship and see how hard it is on a slave. Yes, physically it can be hard if what your boy needs is pain and discipline, but it is much harder to be a Master. The Master must be the one to take his slave where he needs to go to be fulfilled. I know, what the hell am I talking about. Let me see if I can illustrate it with a couple things that have happened with Alex and I. First, has anyone ever noticed that Alex doesn't have a tattoo? I, as his Master want very much for him to have a tattoo on his ass that says, "Property of Master Rick." Why doesn't Alex? Because he is deathly afraid of needles. Yes, if I ordered him to do it, he would. But it would scare him silly. One day he will come to me and ask to be tattooed. When he does I will know that he has overcome his fear. This doesn't mean I don't ever force him to do things. You have all read how he hates to be used by other guys and yet I forced him to do it. But with a needle he gets physically sick and faints. So I know his limits and I know when and where to push them. The other example is the first time I used a butt plug on him. I had read how having a slave wear a butt plug took away their last but of privacy. A person's asshole is their most personal spot. A slave might regularly take their Master's dick up their ass, but being made to wear a butt plug, permanently violating their hole, was different. Well I bought one and started making Alex wear it all the time. He was still in high school then. The first day I lubed up his hole and shoved it in he actually cried and begged me to take it out. I didn't. In fact I forced him to wear it non stop for a full week. Except of course for shitting and my fucking him. I refused to talk to him about it, despite his best efforts, until the end of the week. Then I tied him down and slowly tortured what he was feeling out of him. He had felt exactly what I had wanted him to. When I had slid the plug in he had felt totally open, exposed, and vulnerable to me. I had taken every last private thing he had and laid it exposed. Alex has always been rather private. I had wanted to take away his privacy from me. He was already mine and I was going to fully control him. He actually thanked me because it helped him make the next step he needed to make in our relationship. In that instance, for his growth as my slave, this had to happen. That is what I mean by the hard work of being a Master. You have to know when you must force your slave, because it is what he needs and when to let the slave learn it on their own. Sometimes it really is a balancing act. But one that makes being a Master worthwhile. Good grief, here I am talking about Alex going on and on and what do I do. Let me get down off my soap box and get back to our story. Alex has just finished describing what his mind goes through when he is alone. Now he is going to take you back to the day before and describe the scene that precipitated this journal entry: When Jose had finished my morning bathroom routine he returned me to the playroom where Rick was waiting. Jose was just about ready to leave for work and Rick had morning classes. That meant it was time for Rick to get me ready for the day. I never knew what he would do until the last minute. Sometimes, he would simply leave my hands cuffed behind me and lock my collar to a chain set into the floor. Other than that I would be free. Those were the days that he usually would let me type. Today, I already knew, would not be one of those days. Rick had woken up in a bad mood. He had a major test this morning that he was not looking forward to. He had already gotten Jose ready for work. He had fitted Jose out with the most uncomfortable things he could find. He had used the largest butt plug Jose could wear all day, the most severe cock and ball harness he could wear under his clothes, and he had forced him to wear the t-shirt Rick made that had velcro strips at the tit level. With the hard velcro rubbing Jose's tits raw all day, the straps of the harness digging into his hard cock, and the huge plug filling his ass he was in for a miserable day. As I had watched this, I knew, I too would not be enjoying my day. When Jose and I walked into the room Rick ordered me over in front of him. I went quickly, not wanting to piss him off anymore than he already was. I stood at attention in front of him. My head looking at the floor, chest out, stomach in, crotch pushed forward, and legs spread allowing my cock and balls to hang free between my legs. Rick grabbed my balls, inspecting to make sure Jose had washed me to his specifications. When he was happy he let my balls drop and slapped my cock which had gotten hard from his touching my balls. "I'm not in the mood for this today boy. Your cock doesn't interest me in the least. But maybe we can make it interest you," Rick said, giving me a sadistic look. I knew right then exactly what he was planning. About a third of the time he ties me up so my cock is loose. That, in turn, let's it stay hard all day. Which, in turn, makes me regret the fact that I only get to cum every fourteen days all the more. Rick pulled me over to the toy shelf and started by putting a cock and ball harness on me. It would help keep my cock hard all day. Not that my cock ever needed any help in that regard, when it wasn't locked away in my cb3000. Next he pulled my cuffed hands up and locked them to my collar. This, as always, succeeded in pushing my chest out. I don't know why but when ever Rick does this it makes my tits just that more sensitive. Don't get me wrong, my tits are always sensitive, but when my chest is thrust, out even the slightest breeze can send chills through me. Especially when my cock is hard. Which, with the, harness was probably going to be most of the day. Rick then moved me out to the middle of the room. He sat me on the floor and clipped my ball harness to a ring in the floor. This would keep me sitting right where Rick had put me until he released it. Next he pulled my ankles apart and stretched them out to the far walls. This ensured that I couldn't bring my legs together and rub my dick on my thighs. After that he attached my collar to a rope coming down from the ceiling and tied it off. This kept me sitting in an upright position. I couldn't bend forward, all I could do was sit there. Rick patted me on the head, then reached down and started playing with my cock. I was shocked. It wasn't my day to get to cum. Rick studiously avoided touching my cock except to torture it any other time. As he stroked, my cock sprang immediately to attention. He kept this up until I actually thought he might let me cum. Of course, I should have known better. He was only doing it as a means to torture me. He brought me right up to the edge and stopped. He kissed my cheek and said, "No Alex, you know better than that. I just want you to be in the mood for what I am going to let you watch on tv today." Rick walked away from me toward the television, leaving me sitting there wishing he would come back and just touch my dick one more time. That was all it would take. Just one light brush of his hands and I would cum. But instead he dropped a tape in the vcr and turned the tv on. What the hell had he put in there? I watched as the picture came on. What I saw was incredible. There was a bright red ass staring at me from the screen. It looked like someone had been beating it, the way it was glowing red. The camera panned back and I saw Rick standing there, naked with a paddle grasped in his hands. As this happened, the face attached to the red ass turned to look at him and I realized it was me. It was my face looking at Rick. That meant it was my ass that was being beaten. My ass that was glowing bright red for the camera. Rick had taped one of our sessions! He had always said he wanted to, but I didn't realize that he had ever actually done it. Rick walked back over to me, looked directly at me, and said, "Alex, this is my gift to you. I have made a tape of my torturing you over the last few months. All the best parts are on it. I hope you enjoy watching it for the next few hours while I am gone. I'm hoping it will keep you nice and hard, just like if I was here doing it in person." With that he walked out. He was off to school to endure his test. I was left here to endure, God knew how many hours of watching myself being tortured by Rick. I really didn't want to watch, as I knew it would turn me on. There was no way, seeing Rick naked and abusing me, that I wouldn't get turned on. I tried to ignore it as best I could, but despite my best efforts my eyes were drawn to the television screen, if not by the scene, then by the sounds of my screaming. I knew if I watched, I would get turned on and be forced to sit there with my raging hard on driving me crazy. I tried valiantly to close my mind to what was happening, but ultimately it proved fruitless. My eyes were drawn to the screen so I could watch what Rick was making me suffer. By the time I gave in and started watching, Rick was done whipping my ass. He was instead applying clothes pins to my tits. He started with my nipples and slowly worked down. As I watched each one being applied I felt it on my body. First the right nipple then the left. I actually realized I was flinching back, as each one was set home on the film version of my body. I heard myself gasp out in pain on the film and then heard myself doing it again in person in response to the movie. It was crazy, some how watching the scene I was reliving it all over again in my mind. My cock throbbed like crazy. Watching myself getting tortured by Rick was turning me on, it was driving me crazy. Just watching him doing it made me crave to have him here really doing it to me. I wanted so badly to have Rick setting those pins on me, rather than seeing him do it. I tried to slow my mind and calm myself down, but it wasn't working. Watching myself suffering at Rick's hands was almost as incredible a turn on as having him actually doing it. Thankfully, the image on the screen changed. He was no longer applying clothes pins to my body. He was just looking at my naked body and doing nothing. I tried to catch my breath and get control. But before I could, the scene changed. Now, once again Rick was torturing me. He was once again beating me. This time he had a small penis whip and was slowly and methodically whipping, first my cock and then my balls. As I watched, I remembered the session and how badly it had hurt. He would hit me a couple times, then quit and gently roll my balls in his hand, then hit me again just when the pain had finally ebbed. It was incredible remembering how badly it hurt and watching myself suffering through it on the television. I watched as the whipping ended and Rick's hands slowly traced my body from my tits to my balls. I watched as he loving stroked them. I felt my body, just watching the scene, trying to respond to his actions being carried out before my eyes. My tits ached for his touch. My cock and balls actually ached for him to be whipping them. I watched as the whip was once again applied and craved beyond belief to have Rick actually hitting me rather than being forced to watched this. All through this my cock throbbed violently, desperate to cum, but denied the blessed relief I so badly needed. As I watched, it struck me. Rick knew how to torture me even when he wasn't there actually doing it. Right now the torture was NOT having him use me, when I wanted it so badly. God, he really was a sadistic bastard. But I also realized just how turned on I was and how much I was enjoying it. I am the masochistic bastard that NEEDS him! We are perfect for each other. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. I know you would just love to have Alex continue on , but tough shit! You see I really am a sadistic bastard! I want to make you, the reader, suffer just as much as Alex. Needless, to say Alex did not get to cum. He sat there for over four solid hours while I took, and passed my test, rock hard staring at the screen. When I got home he was desperate for me. He literally begged me to use him. I happily obliged. I beat his ass until it was hot enough to cook on, then I fucked him silly. Then I beat his ass again and fucked his mouth until his throat was raw. By the time I was done I had taken out all my frustrations. Alex, on the other hand was still frustrated if his hard cock had anything to say about it. But then if I were to have asked him he would have told me he was totally fulfilled and happy because I had just used him the way he craved to be used. Alex fulfilment comes from making me happy. As always if you have comments, requests, or ideas e-mail me at BNDMaster13@yahoo.com. If the e-mail is for Alex I might pass it on to him and I might not. But just knowing people care seems to make my slave happy.