Date: Sun, 12 Mar 2006 14:06:24 +0100 From: Julian Obedient Subject: Insubordination Throughout high school I was the geek of my gym class. I was slack and flabby and my posture was lousy. Rather than stretching out from my center and standing proudly in the world, I was stooped and stubby-looking. Standing at attention, marching, or doing bending and stretching exercises I was a clumsy and lackadaisical participant. And when it came to the daily basketball games between squads I was a non-functioner. I couldn't climb the ropes or jump over the horses, chin, hand-straddle the parallel bars or swing from the ceiling rings, and I looked like Mr. Potato Head in my sleeveless yellow gym shirt and navy shorts. Needless to say, even now in my senior year, just having turned eighteen I still hated gym. I was a pretty poor specimen of manhood, a nervous intellectual, unsure of myself and arrogant at the same time. Sometimes, I was depressed, sometimes manic, always entirely without discipline or self-mastery, but I didn't know that. In gym class we were divided into squads. Each squad had a leader or captain. Our squad captain was Bill Kim, well-built, slightly taller than me. He was very good-looking, highly focused, extremely disciplined, very good at gymnastics, executing all the exercises with strength and style. His physique showed it, lean and muscled and sculpted. He held his head high on a sleek neck. He had gorgeous wavy black hair. I wasn't friendly with him. We'd never even spoken. I averted my eyes whenever I found myself looking at him. At the end of gym one Wednesday afternoon in the fall, a few weeks after the term had started, he approached me at my locker as I was getting dressed, Excuse me, he said, I want to talk to you. He only had a small towel around his waist, but he carried himself as if he were wearing an Armani suit. His expression was firm. I looked at him a little stunned, but before I could respond he continued to speak. You don't participate with the rest of the squad, he began, reproaching me. When I realized what was going on, I said, nervously, What's it to you? I am the captain of the squad, he said. It is my responsibility to see that all the members of my squad perform well. He spoke in a quiet, firm voice. Give me a break, I said, rolling my eyes. The way you are affects the performance and the reputation of the whole squad, he continued. What are you talking about? I said. This is just a fucking gym class. I can report you, he said. Go ahead. To who? For what? Despite the absurdity, I was getting panicked. To our superiors, for insubordination, he said. I was dressed by now, and I left. He was making me nervous, like a maniac who approaches you on the street. Nothing happened Thursday during gym, except I was wary and self-conscious as I sat in the bleachers with my friend Alfred after calisthenics, listening to him go on about how badly he thought he did on a calculus test he probably got a hundred on. Bill Kim didn't approach me at my locker. But he did come up to me on Friday. I have thought about what to do with you, he said. I just looked at him. This guy was nuts. You will come to my house tomorrow afternoon. That said, he gave me a card with his address printed on it. Embossed in black and gold on the left of the card was a dragon intricately turning upon itself. It fascinated me. We will talk then. I don't have anything to talk about, I said putting a laugh in my voice. I do, he said, and fixing me with a strong and steady gaze, he said, one o'clock, sharp! That's an order, and he turned and walked away before I could say anything else. I was not going. That was for sure. But I couldn't get him out of my head. Insubordination! That's an order! Where did he think he was? Who did he think he was? ii I did my homework Saturday morning, and found I was free by noon. Despite the fact that I had decided I was not going, I felt myself drawn to Bill Kim's house. It was a brick three story near-mansion set back on a well-tended lawn surrounded by a small woods. I walked up a stone path and rang the bell. Bill Kim opened the door, superbly bare-chested, wearing a pair of tight jeans and barefoot. Give me your coat, he said, indicating I enter. Follow me. I was going to say Hi, but the word wouldn't come and I felt I had to be silent, like in church. From what I could see, it was a sumptuous house. I caught a glimpse into what was probably the living room, a richly furnished double room with exotic Persian carpets and crystal chandeliers and two marble fireplaces. The basement was divided into several sections. We walked through a wood-paneled room with an oak bar, a huge fireplace and an old-fashioned juke box. There was a small corridor and then twin oak doors which opened into another large mirrored room with a maple wood floor and fitted out like a gym, with weights, a chinning bar, a rope hanging from the ceiling, parallel bars and hoop rings also hanging from the ceiling. I was overcome by the whole thing, but before I could say anything, Bill Kim turned to me. Tell me, he said. Do you like being the way you are? What do you mean, the way I am. Soft, out of shape, flabby, undefined, disobedient. Who am I supposed to obey? In this case, your squad captain, me. Take off your shirt. I don't want to take off my shirt. When I give you an order, as your squad captain, you must obey it immediately. We're not in school now. In or out of school, I am your captain. When I give you an order you must obey it immediately. You're nuts. When I give you an order you must obey it immediately. I don't have to obey you. When I give you an order, you must obey it immediately. Stop repeating yourself. When I give you an order, you will obey it immediately. He stood there rigidly in front of me. His voice was calm and low, but also like steel, and it never wavered. When I give you an order, you will obey immediately. I stood there staring at him blankly. His eyes were fierce, steady, powerful and implacable. I began to get scared. Now take off your shirt. I couldn't move. When I give you an order, you obey immediately. Take off your shirt. Unbutton it. I exhaled. Almost without my consent my hands started unbuttoning my shirt. Take it off entirely, soldier. Yes. Open that closet door and hang it on the hook. Now take off your undershirt. Take it off. Shaking slightly, I complied. I was getting an erection. When I give you an order, you obey immediately, soldier. I was silent. When I give you an order, you obey immediately. Repeat what I said. I was silent. Do you understand what I said? When you give me an order, I obey it immediately. I said it in spite of myself. Say it again. When you give an order I obey you immediately. It just came out. Again. When you give me an order, I obey immediately. Hand me the weight on the stand beside you. I reached over, grasped it -- it was not too heavy - and I handed it to him. He began flexing his right arm and the muscles stood out. From now on, you will obey my commands immediately. Look into my eyes. I had been already. He had a way of locking eyes that was captivating. I realized as he said it that during all this crazy by-play, we had already met through the eyes, that we had been having a conversation with our eyes, that by means of his eyes he had already overpowered me, and that with my own I had already surrendered and submitted to him. I knew already that I was bound to him irrevocably. Now I was staring into his eyes feeling his eyes staring back into mine, piercing me. You are in a trance now, he said. You will only speak when I address you or if I give you permission. I am your captain, and you will say "Sir" when you address me. Do you understand. Yes, Sir? Who am I? My Captain, Sir. Strip off the rest of your clothes. I complied without thinking or resisting. You have been insubordinate. Say it and know it is so. I have been insubordinate. Again. I have been insubordinate, Sir. Again. I have been insubordinate, Captain. Sir. As I said it, I began to understand that I was insubordinate when I failed to obey my squad captain. I began to feel the obligation to please my squad captain, and obedience was an essential part of that. I understood that my disobedience displeased him, offended him, that it was wrong, that it was disrespectful where I owed respect. It was disloyal to him and to my team mates. It was undisciplined. I was disgusted at myself for my disobedience. What right had I to disobey a superior? Or to resist the will that guided the squad? I was truly shocked at my previous attitude and felt unclean because of it. Sir I said, frightened. Do I have permission to speak, Sir. Speak, he indicated. I am truly remorseful for my insubordination and my unacceptable attitude, and I feel unclean because of it. I have been disrespectful and disloyal. I wish to change and to free myself of the burden of this guilt and redeem myself in your eyes. I want to learn obedience and discipline. I am going to train you, he said. You will be transformed You will learn to be obedient. You will become highly disciplined. You will serve me. I am your master, you are my servant. When you have learned to surrender your will to me and are entirely subservient, and proud to be subservient, I will forget your previous insubordination. He paused for a beat for me to absorb that. Do you understand? Yes, Sir. Who am I? My Master, Sir. Who are you? Your servant, Sir. You will be my servant if I accept you as my servant, if you prove yourself worthy to be my servant. Now you are only my inferior. And you must be punished for having been insubordinate. Do you understand? Yes, Sir. You are contemptible. Look at yourself in that mirror. Now look at me. Look at the difference. You are physically pathetic. That will change. You will come here every day after school and we will work out and train together. You will model yourself on me. Do you understand. Yes, Sir. I replied. Stand at attention when you address me. My body stiffened. You will be punished for your insubordination. Thank you, Sir. I want to be punished. I want to pay my debt for insubordination. I want to obey you and to please you. I cannot be at ease if I have not earned your respect. I heard myself saying those words, and I knew I meant them, but I was nevertheless surprised to hear it. It depends on you. Thank you, Sir. I want to redeem myself in your eyes and be worthy of you. You are mine to command and to shape. iii. For two months I went over to my master's house everyday after school. The changes were astounding. I lost weight, and gained muscularity. My belly was flat and my abs and pecs were getting firm. My legs became sturdier, and my ass tightened and began to bubble. I stood taller, looked handsomer, and began shopping for clothes with Bill, as he instructed me to call him when we were in the outside world. Salesmen lost their arrogance when he addressed them. I became exceptionally finicky about my appearance. No more dressing like a slob or being careless in my grooming. I soon gathered a wardrobe of formal wear and sports wear. Whether I was wearing form-fitting spandex or fine tailored suits with tapered shirts and elegant neckties, whether I was wearing thigh high boots, cutaways and a wife beater or wingtips and a London Fog, all eyes turned to me, and I carried myself with pride and grace, proud to be reflecting honor and prestige on my Master. In gym class in school I called him Captain Kim. It sounded like I was kidding around, playful, but he and I knew it was more than that. I also began doing really well in gym class. I looked forward to calisthenics, and I found myself strongly wanting to win when we played competitively against other squads. And indeed we were league champions at the end of the term. I owed it to Captain Kim, and when we won I felt elated, and when he saluted me for games well played, I nearly got a hard on. I became friendly with the rest of the guys on the squad, too. Sometimes we got together in Bill Kim's basement on weekends for marathon work out sessions. Captain Kim explained to us as we stood at attention that it wasn't enough to be good at sports. We had to be disciplined. We showed how well disciplined we were by how well we obeyed authority. Not only did we work out and develop our gymnastic skills and our physiques, but we also practiced being obedient to Master Kim and respectful to each other. We were ranked according to our performance and our attitudes, never forgetting who was superior and who was inferior, and always striving to improve and to avoid slipping. There were rules about how to stand at attention and how to stand at ease, about how to address our captain and how to speak to each other. There were rules we had to follow regarding the way we kept and wore our uniforms, which were -- when we were in Master Kim's basement gymnasium -- a black form fitting muscle shirt, black tights, black leather sneakers and a white, red, maroon, silver or gold belt, with matching socks, depending on our rank. Infractions were noted, and we were punished. It was a snowy Saturday afternoon early in December. The squad was gathered in Master Kim's basement. He gathered us in a circle and announced that we were going to perform a ritual punishment and initiation ceremony to purge me of the guilt of my past insubordination, to confer on me a gold belt, and to confirm my servitude. I stood in front of each of my squad mates, who stood shoulder to shoulder at attention. In turn each slapped me across the face. I then knelt before each man and tongued his feet. We were naked, as was our captain. I then presented myself to Master Kim, bowed, kneeled before him and then, ordered to clean his scrotum and penis with my tongue, I obediently did, although I had never before done such a thing. I became sexually aroused, and so did Master Kim, and as the whole squad stood at attention, each with his fist wrapped around the cock of the man next to him, he ejaculated into my mouth. Sensing my arousal, as he came he commanded, Do not come. With these words, so complete was his authority, I felt my arousal flood back into the core of my muscles, like a tide being swept back into the ocean, the heat of sexual excitement turning into taut and tingling muscularity. Stand, he commanded. I did. Each one of my squad mates then came up to me and rubbed some of the semen that had come from his neighbor's cock across my lips. Then Master Kim took hold of me with his eyes and he kissed me on the mouth. Slave, he said. Master, I replied, bowing. iv. On weekdays when Master Kim and I were alone our workouts began with trance induction. We stood looking into each other's eyes until Master Kim signaled to proceed by slightly raising his right hand. I then pressed my palms together, bowed from the waist to him and said, Obediently I await my master's commands, Sir. These workouts became like a drug to me. They were the highlight of my day. My admiration for Master Kim knew no bounds. He combined grace and strength and male beauty in a way that overwhelmed me. He instructed me in my duties to him, and it was natural for me to feel devotion, loyalty and even love for him. I worshipped him. I still do. I had no doubt that if the occasion arose, I would sacrifice myself for him. v When the new term began, I was not assigned to the same gym class as Master Kim, but I was made the captain of my squad, and I stood proudly at the head of the squad, determined to be an excellent model for my squad members. I continued to go over to Master Kim's house daily and we continued our workouts together. We had been seeing each other now nearly every day for almost six months. I felt myself entirely in his power, and I loved the feeling. I loved giving myself to him, and tried to in everything I did, but realized it was impossible because he had already taken me. I was not my own to give. He owned me. Whenever I thought of him, praising one aspect of him or another as I thought of him, and I thought of him most of the time, my heart was full to bursting and my cock stood up. vi I congratulate you on how well you've done. Thank you, Sir. You are now my lieutenant. You will stay near me, go where I go, always waiting for my orders, ready to obey. Obedience is the key. I demand absolute obedience. Your bearing at all times will express your obedience. Do you understand. Yes, Sir. I do. It is my wish. My father is going to Japan for a year. He's taking my mother with him. I have the house to myself. You will live here with me as my body servant and my assistant. It was bliss to obey. I woke every morning at six, showered, shaved - my entire body -- scented myself, and at seven, wearing a black microfiber square-cut boxer brief and two silver nipple rings - Master Kim had ordered me to get my nipples pierced so I could wear them - I brought a protein drink I learned to make to his bedside. After he took it from me I bowed from the waist palms pressing against each other. Then I knelt at his bedside, head high but eyes cast down. Stand up he said I stood. He stood too and looked in my eyes. I stood taller and felt my muscles tighten. I knew he was going to kiss me, but when his mouth took control of mine the jolt made me swoon and my cock jumped to obedience. He pushed his hand down my tights and grabbed the shaft and twisted it a little. Whom do you belong to? he said with his breath rather than his voice. I belong to you, Master, I answered. He touched my shoulders and I knelt before him. I opened the belt of his jeans, undid the button, slid the zipper and with my tongue searched for his cock until it sprang out at me. I put my lips around it and swallowed it and pushed it out and swallowed it again. You will not come but you will be hard. When Master Kim was about to come, suddenly his body stiffened to rigidity. His stomach muscles tightened and so did his rectal ones. His shoulders squared. He pushed me back and stood me up, kissed me and pushing my tights down thrust a finger inside me. I tightened and loosened and tightened again, establishing a dizzying rhythm that he determined as he moved his finger up and down and I swooned. It was not the first time he had done so and I knew what would follow. What are you? A cunt, a male cunt. Your submissive slave, your obedient cunt. He entered me facing me, my legs high in the air wrapped about him, my arms caressing him, my lips adoring him. He took a hold of my cock and his seed began to swirl into my bowels. Just then as I was about to explode he pressed his thumb against the aperture at the tip of my cock and all the energy surged back into me. My bowels exploded with lightning. I cried Master, O Master, O Master.