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The majority of these writing are from my own person experience and are a true reporting of them, where there is some liberty in making the stories more vivid I will notify the reader of that. Some names have been changed to protect persons involved. It is important to remember that all descriptions are and continue to be completely consensual.

 

Although the vast majority of this chapter are actual and true events the author has used some liberties to enhance the reader's experience. Those liberties will be left up to the reader to determine what is real life and what is fiction.

 

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Mr. McKinzy withdrew his head form the tent flap. Inside all the boys were quite as could be, you could almost hear our hearts beating so fast. Everyone was scared to death, but I was scared beyond death, I was the one that he called out to talk to them. At least the others had until morning. I had to face an adult tonight. I was still crying harder than ever before.

 

I was searching by flashlight for my clothes while all the others peered at me from the safety of their sleeping bags. I was wishing they would at least offer some words of encouragement, somehow it would feel that I had some support from them. But they were all too scared to say anything. I was also lost in my own thoughts, what was it that Mr. McKinzy was going to do to me? Was I going to have to call my parents to come to pick me up that night? How could I tell my parents what I was doing? How could I explain to the adult leaders what I was doing? Was I going to be kicked out of scouts in the next few minutes? Would my parents kick me out of the house? I just wanted to run, to get away from the entire situation.

 

The more I though the harder I cried even to the point that I couldn't even see to put my clothes on. The other boys must have thought I was a cry baby, but they weren't the ones that had to face an adult leader in a few seconds. "Boy are you coming", Mr. McKinzy asked. I was able to squeeze out a quiet, "Yes Sir", between my tears and the heaving of my lungs.

 

Finally, after what seemed forever I emerged crawling out of the tent and trying to stand up. My clothes were a mess, my shoes were untied, my tee shirt was on backwards, I looked like a mess and was even a worst mess inside. Mr. McKinzy reached down and took me by the arm helping me to stand up. I was expecting him to really squeeze my arm hard due to the anger he must have had, but it wasn't, it was more like a helping hand. He let my arm go and put his arm around my shoulder. "Let's go over here", he said as he guided me toward a picnic table on the far reaches of the campsite. "There's no need to cry like that", he told me, "just take a few breathes and calm down".

 

We reached the picnic table and he sat me down on one side while he took a position on the other side opposite of me. I couldn't even look at him, I couldn't even look up, my head was hanging as far down as possible out of embarrassment and shame. I was shaking in fear of what was to come. I wish I could have just evaporated right there. I wanted to die.

 

Mr. McKinzy reached across the table cupped my chin and lifted my head. "I want you to calm down and stop crying, we have some important things to talk about and I need for you to comprehend every word that I am saying". "Can you do that for me"? I tried to suck it up and hold the tears back, sniffed my running nose from all the crying. Somehow, I was able to gain a little control over myself and wipe the tears away with the back of my hand. "Okay, but I'm in trouble, I know what we were doing was wrong, I'm sorry", I was trying to lay my case out before I even knew what was coming.

 

"You're not in trouble", Mr. McKinzy started, "I just need to know somethings". "What's the first point of the Scout law", he asked.

 

"A Scout is trustworthy", I repeated from memory.

 

"And what is the meaning of that", he continued.

 

Our troop made us memorize the meaning to all the points of the Scout Law and we had to repeat them at when we were testing for a rank advancement. "A Scout's honor is to be trusted.  If he were to violate his honor by telling a lie or by cheating or by not doing exactly a given task, when trusted on his honor, he may be directed to hand over his Scout Badge" I responded though choking on the words.

 

At that point Mr. McKinzy put me on my Scout Honor. I had to tell the truth and all the truth, I knew it for certain. The seriousness of the situation sank in like a bomb exploding in my mind and my stomach. I was going to have to tell him anything he wanted to know, and it scared me and made me tremble.

 

Mr. McKinzy continued, "Boys are curious and looking at each other naked is just part of that curiosity". "Boys are wondering how their bodies compare with that of their friends, are their penises the same, are their testicles as big as their buddies, who has hair down there and who doesn't". "That's all pretty common with all boys".

 

I was starting to feel a little better, at least Mr. McKinzy knew about the strip poker games and mad about them. He was pretty cool when it came to them. So, I knew I wasn't in trouble for those, but what would he have to say about the dares and about me sucking Kim and having my balls smashed? There was still enough that I was in deep, deep trouble.

 

After what felt like a long time Mr. McKinzy continued, "You were preforming oral sex on Kim". I kind of gave him a confused look. "You were sucking Kim", he clarified. "Is Kim the only boy that you have sucked"? I hung my head and shook it no. I had to tell the truth, I was on my Scout's Honor. "I'm sorry I didn't hear you", Mr. McKinzy pressed. "No Sir", I said in a low shameful voice still with my head down. I couldn't bear looking at him, I was too ashamed of what I had done and the fact that he had seen me doing it.

 

"Did they make you suck Kim's dick", he asked. I really thought about lying to him right then, but then again, I was on my Scout's Honor, and if he asked the other boys they would tell him that I had done it quite willingly. "No Sir, they didn't force me to do it", I said even more embarrassed. "So Trevor was hitting you in the balls, how did that feel to you", he questioned. Oh god, how did I answer that question? "It hurt", was all I could think of and told him. "So was he doing it without your permission", he questioned. "No Sir I was letting him do it", I responded. "So if it hurt why were you letting him do it" Mr. McKinzy pushed on.

 

I was so confused by this time I didn't know what to tell him other than the truth. So I answered with the truth, "because it felt good". "It hurt you but it felt good all at the same time", he persistent. "Yes Sir" I uttered. "What about the way they were holding you down, sitting on your arms and legs so you couldn't move or stop them if you wanted, was that something that you wanted, remember you're on your Scout's Honor", he reminded me.

 

Well I didn't really have a say in it when they did it, but it sure gave me a feeling of helplessness, and a feeling that I really liked. It felt like they could do anything to me they wanted to and in my mind that's exactly what I wanted them to do. "Yes Sir that is what I wanted", I had to answer. Then Mr. McKinzy asked the hardest one-word question in the world, "Why"? It was really hard for me to put it into words, why, I wasn't sure I could explain it, I wasn't even sure I understood why I liked it. "Why", he interrupted my thoughts.

 

"I don't know, it makes me feel dirty, it makes me feel like I'm surrendering to them, like they could use me", I was trying to get my thoughts into words, but it just didn't feel like they were making any sense. "So you like to be used for their sexual pleasure, you like being a submissive", Mr. McKinzy stated. I'm not sure I understood the words he was using or what he really met by them. But in lack of knowing what else to do I just shook my hung head and said, "Yes".

 

Mr. McKinzy reached across the picnic table again and with him had lifted my chin forcing me to look right at him. "I believe you have told me the absolute truth, and I appreciate that", he said in a kind voice. "You're not in trouble, understand"? I was astonished when he said this. Just a few minutes earlier I know I was in the deepest trouble I had been in my 12 years of life. I know that I was going to be kicked out of scouts, that my parents were going to be told, that I would be the shame of the troop and of my family. Tears started flowing from my eyes, tears of relief.

 

"You're a very special boy", he told me as I sobbed away. "I want to have you transferred to Sammy's patrol and take over your mentorship, if you agree", he proposed on again in that kind voice. He continued before I could respond, "I'm pretty sure the other adult leaders wouldn't see what was going on in that tent the same way I do", he added. "So do you want to transfer to Sammy's patrol and me be your mentor", he repeated. "Yes please", I choked out through my relief. Each boy in our troop had an adult leader assigned to them as a mentor. He was the adult who helped you in your rank advancement and who was there to talk to if you had problems like home sickness.

 

"Good", he said as he wiped my tears with his hand. "The patrol meetings are on Tuesday evenings at 4:30 at my house". "You can ride the school bus with Sammy, do your homework until the patrol meeting starts, then stay for dinner with Sammy and I after the meeting, oh and make sure you bring your swimsuit, remember we have a pool". "I'll talk with your parents and work out the details, okay".

 

My emotions that night was truly a roller-coaster. I was horny, I was scared, I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, and now I was relieved at the biggest break in my 12 years. An adult that didn't condone me for what I did sexually.

 

Mr. McKinzy stood up. "Come here" he told me. I walked around the corner of the picnic table and into one of the warmest embraces I had ever felt. We just stood there with his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders pulling me close to him, and my arms wrapped around his waist. I was still crying but this time it was out of pure relief that nothing bad was going to happen to me and that I found an adult that accepted me the way I was.

 

Finally, after what felt like a long hug he said, "Okay now it's time for you to hit the bed." "If any of the boys asked you about tonight, just tell them that you and I had a long talk, don't tell the what we talked about". I shook my head in agreement and with a heavy weight off my heart I headed to the tent.

 

When I pulled back the tent flap and climbed in all the other boys were deep asleep. That I was happy about, I wouldn't be faced with questions. I kicked off my shoes, pants and shirt and climbed into my sleeping bag. I was exhausted.

 

To be continued