Master and the Mate

(© 2007 All rights reserved by Author)



Dave L., ed.

Chapter 54

Blind leading the Blind

Kyle found graduate school to be somewhat less difficult than regular college. As an undergraduate everything was new to him and learning how to find what he needed was half the battle. He did find that coping with the boys and running the house was not easily balanced with his studies, and he gave thanks to God every time one of the ladies from the Altar Society brought food over as it usually gave him more time to study. Of course he would be the first to admit that without Ryan's help, support and encouragement, he would still be swabbing down the deck on someone else's tub.

Now Kyle was preparing for his exam to be licensed as a practicing clinical psychologist. Already Ryan had changed his office to one on another floor so that they would both have their own consulting rooms. In fact, Ryan had passed several of his clients over to Kyle, but was carefully supervizing him – this entailed a daily meeting to plan therapy sessions as well as reviewing those given the prior day.

On this particular day, a doctor who had his office down the street made a walk-in appointment. Ryan was with a client so the secretary, Susan, directed him to Kyle, introducing him as Ryan's associate.

The man was in his forties; with some graying hairs that gave him a distinguished look. He was about 5' 10'', in good shape, and wore a suit that was no longer in vogue – he was clean-shaven and wore glasses. He was somewhat on edge at having to fill out so many forms, but then realized that he too required practically the same number of documents demanded by the state, the insurance companies and the lawyers.

Once finally in Kyle's office he was a little taken aback by both Kyle's youthfulness and good looks. 'Perhaps this is not going to be as bad as I thought.' He thought to himself.

"I'm Dr. Downing. I have my office just down the street." He explained to Dr. Darling that he was under a great deal of stress due to the fact that he was being sued for malpractice. "Dr. Darling, please understand that this is not the first malpractice case that I have had. This kind of thing is becoming normal in our practice these days and patients often express their frustrations against us. This case however is very different."

"Please call me Kyle, there's no need to be so formal." Kyle said, reading the name of his client in the file before him, he then asked "May I call you, Jim?"

"Fine." Jim said, beginning to relax. He always seemed to become tenser around psychiatrists and psychologists – somehow he felt that they were able to see inside him just like he could often diagnose a patient just by taking a good look at them.

"You see, in this case, I did misdiagnose the patient: I am guilty as charged. Of course, I am not allowed by the insurance company to admit that or they would automatically drop my insurance."

"So you're in a moral dilemma?" Kyle asked, "Damned if you do and damned if you don't?"

"Not exactly. The insurance company knows that I'm guilty and will settle out of court; they just need me to remain quiet as a tool for negotiating a settlement." Jim explained.

"So how can I help you." Kyle asked.

"I want to know how I misdiagnosed the boy; I try to be a good doctor. I don't see my patients as numbers and I've gone over his file and I can't believe that for years I was treating his symptoms and never saw the cause." Jim continued.

"Do you see the cause now?" Kyle asked, "I mean are the indications of his illness in his case history?"

"Yes, they are as plain as the nose on my face, but I never saw what his symptoms were indicating. I just treated each symptom as they appeared and now I'm worried that I may have done the same with other patients." Jim said as he hung his head and wiped his eyes.

"Was the boy being sexually abused?" Kyle questioned.

"How did you know that?" Jim asked somewhat surprised.

"I am afraid that this problem is all too common among doctors, social workers, psychologists and especially psychiatrists." Kyle stated.

"It is? How can that be?" Jim said, doubting Kyle.

"You have not been trained to recognize the sequelae and thanks to Freudian psychology, many victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse go undetected. Also, I am afraid that many victims of CSA go on to become psychologists, social workers and doctors without having dealt with their own sexual history and they have a very real blind spot." Kyle, who had specialized in this area, and had even done his thesis on the topic was fully prepared to explain the situation to the older and more experienced doctor.

"I don't understand how Freudian psychology wouldn't help me to see this. I studied Freud in college and in Medical School." Jim said.

"Before I answer that question, just how stressed out about this are you feeling?" Kyle inquired.

Dr. Jim, hadn't expected this line of questioning and felt his anxiety levels rising. "If you must know, I feel very uncomfortable about discussing it." He finally answered.

"Do you treat other patients for sexual dysfunctions?" Kyle pressed on.

"Where are you going with this?" Jim protested as he felt his whole body go clammy and his heart begin to race as well as his head begin to pound.

"Jim, try to breathe slower. You're hyperventilating. You are here in my office and you are safe. Just relax and I will explain how Freudian theory has blinded you."

Jim was hearing Kyle speak and what he was saying but he felt like he was far off, almost outside his body and now felt himself floating back down into himself.

"Freud was a man driven by his obsession to be famous. He encountered victims, but their victimization did not serve to advance his theory. So he came up with the idea that it was just an unconscious wish to have sex with their parents or significant others. Thus literally hundreds, if not thousands, of victims were left unaided sometimes in extremely violent circumstances and pedophiles went unchallenged for decades and many of them have abused as many as forty children before they were detected by the police. So, in a sense, Freudian theories which have dominated psychology until behaviorism and later cognitive theories began to replace it, is in part responsible for your blindness."

Dr. Jim began to relax more and more as Kyle helped him put his problem into a context that was much wider than just himself. He began to see how his own medical education had a serious deficiency and this helped to lessen his feelings of guilt.

"Feeling any better?" Kyle asked.

"Yes, of course, the thought that I was solely responsible was a very dark shadow over me."

"Yes, Jim, I can see how that would be, but you seemed to be having a panic attack before. What was that about?"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"You seem to be fine now, but when I asked you if you treated patients for sexual disorders, you began to hyperventilate. Can you tell me what you were thinking and feeling at that moment?"

Jim began to tense up again and Kyle saw the change coming over him.

"Jim, Just relax and breathe deeply. No one will hurt you here."

Jim took a deep breath again, but became more concerned about his reactions to Kyle's line of questioning.

"Why is this happening to me? What's going on here?" Jim challenged Kyle.

"Jim, do you suffer from panic attacks?" Kyle enquired.

"Yes, I have had a few in the past, but a colleague at the hospital where I have privileges – a psychiatrist – cured me after just two sessions, years ago." Jim explained.

"You mean he treated your symptoms without getting to the root of the problem?" Kyle said.

Jim began crying. Kyle gave him the time he needed to express his feelings by sobbing. The doctor, who now looked more like a scared child than an accomplished member of the medical profession, began to pull himself together. "You seem to think that I was abused as a child?" He said somewhat anxiously. "But I have no recollection. No memory of anything like that."

Kyle explained to the good doctor that this is a very common sequalae of CSA and that there was a possibility that his present problems were in fact symptoms of unresolved conflicts stemming from them, but without further exploration, he couldn't be certain. Once Kyle was sure that Jim was feeling hopeful about the possible outcome of continued therapy and had fully recovered from the strong feelings that had emerged during the session, he made an appointment to see him again two days later.

That night, Kyle did not feel much like sex with Ryan. He shrugged Ryan's caresses off with the excuse that he was feeling very tired. Ryan, who knew that the boys were taking a toll on Kyle's energies, did not question the rebuff and gladly accepted the opportunity to get to sleep sooner. He was surprised when Kyle put on the next DVD in the series, 'An Indian Summer.'

* * *

Their kiss continued longer than Swift Mountain Lion anticipated. He suddenly opened his eyes and saw the closed eyes of the very man he had been imagining. What powerful magic was present in the steam tent? He stopped kissing and broke the spell. Howling Wolf then opened his eyes and smiled.

It took Swift Mountain Lion a few moments to sort out that Howling Wolf was really there, sitting so close to him. Again tears began to flow from his eyes as he reached his hand out to the longed-for brave and pulled him into a bear hug. Both began to sob as their joy at being reunited bathed them. Then Swift Mountain Lion stood and offered his hand to help Howling Wolf to his feet. When they emerged from the tent, the entire clan was standing a short distance away staring at the two bucks and making a noise by flittering their tongues against the roof of their mouths. They both walked hand in hand through the midst of their people down to the stream and bathed in the cool water.

The two men played in the water like little children, delighting in each other's company, and merely using the river as an excuse to touch, caress and play physically. To say that they were both overjoyed would fall far short of describing the intense feelings they were sharing at that moment. Swift Mountain Lion then left the water and looking over his broad shoulder indicated with his look that Howling Wolf was to follow.

Once back in their own tipi, Swift Mountain Lion removed his loin covering and offered himself to Howling Wolf. Howling Wolf immediately understood that Swift Mountain Lion was offering him the lead, but instead of initiating foreplay, the young brave reached for some aloe balm which was still stashed in a leather pouch and prepared his hands to massage his master. Swift Mountain Lion stretched out, naked, on a buffalo skin and Howling Wolf knelt by his side and began massaging the small of his back. Forming large circles he went up his back about half way and on the lower arcs of the circle moved his large hands over the tops of Swift Mountain Lion's ass cheeks and down his outer thighs. As he continued the large circles, slowly increasing the pressure, Swift Mountain Lion released several masculine sounding moans. As he moaned, his pains, anxieties and tensions moved out of him, to be replaced by a sense of well-being and strength which Howling Wolf seemed to be transmitting to him through his powerful hands.

The movements continued until Swift Mountain Lion was practically lulled into a sleep state, but just before he dozed off, Howling Wolf moved him so that he was now lying face up and began the same style massage over his stomach. Again the circular motion went up to just below his nipples and down far enough to brush through his pubic hair. Gradually Howling Wolf increased the pressure until Swift Mountain Lion was just about to indicate that it was too hard. But before he could protest, Howling Wolf was decreasing both the pressure and the size of the circles. Slowly the circles were becoming smaller and smaller and less and less intense. Eventually Howling Wolf was making very small circles around Swift Mountain Lion's navel.

* * *

Ryan reached over and made the same kind of movements over Kyle's abs and Kyle too moaned. In the next bedroom, Mark and Manny in their new bunk beds and Alex in Mark's old bed began to snicker as they heard Kyle's moans.

Within a few minutes the whole family was in deep sleep until Kyle screamed. Ryan immediately sat up and tried to wake his trembling lover.

"Kyle, Kyle, wake up. You're just having a bad dream, Kyle!" Ryan said.

For what seemed like an eternity, Kyle remained asleep, until finally Ryan's movements succeeded in rousing him.

"Shit, where am I? Oh, Ry, thank God it was only a dream." Kyle said.

Ryan noticed that Kyle was completely drenched and that the room was semi-lit by the television which had remained turned on. Apparently they had both fallen asleep before the video ended.

"What were you dreaming, Kyle?" Ryan asked.

As Kyle fought off the drowsiness and his mind tried to recover the memory he suddenly shrieked.

"Oh, God, Ryan, I was raped by my own father and my mother helped him!" Kyle said and began crying. Ryan pulled Kyle into his arms and rocked him to comfort him.

"Its OK, you're safe now. I'm here. You're OK now." And Kyle fell back into deep sleep, while Ryan remained somewhat preoccupied about Kyle.

To be continued.
This story is posted earlier on where book II, Drs. Ryan and Kyle is also available.