(©2007, by author)
Dave L., ed.
Kyle yearned for Rich's cock to come into his inner body, hungry to satisfy his lust for the beautiful artistic lover that was about to vanquish his innocence. However, in a flash Kyle began to think of Ryan, Mark, Manny and Alex.
"Stop, wait! I'm not ready for this." Kyle cried as his thoughts for his family overcame him.
Rich immediately pulled away from Kyle's derriere, and began kissing down his spine.
"I'm sorry for going too fast, please forgive me." Rich whispered as he continued to try to please the Adonis that was lying face down on his bed, aglow with the reflection of the candlelight on his sweat-drenched body.
Kyle arose from the bed and went alone directly into the shower. When he returned Rich was dressed and disappointed and just watched in awe as Kyle dried himself and dressed.
"God you are so beautiful. Please forgive me for moving so quickly." Rich begged.
"There's nothing to forgive. You were perfect. The problem is mine. I'm not ready for this; I need more time." Kyle said as he tried to make sense of his own behavior and almost total betrayal of his life with Ryan and the family.
Once Kyle was dressed, they both left the apartment with the intention of going down the street together to the music store to buy Kyle a recorder and an instructional booklet. When they stepped out of Rich's building, Rich turned toward him and pulled him into his arms and thanked him for a wonderful afternoon and they both kissed again passionately.
Ryan had just parked his car about a block away from the music store and was walking toward the shop when he saw two men come out of a building and stop at the top of the small flight of stairs that led down to the street. He admired their public display of affection and kept looking at them as he approached. They finally broke apart and Ryan's heart stopped when he recognized Kyle as one of them.
* * *
That day at school, Mark finally invited his two best friends over to the house after classes.
"You mean we're finally going to meet this Alex creep?" Pete teased Mark.
"I'll bet he and Mark are lovers and he just wanted him all to himself!" Joe joined in.
"Hey, what is this? Hump Mark Benning Day?" Mark blurted out. "Look, I just misjudged him and now I see him in a better light and I would like you guys to be his friends too. But if you're not interested we can just hang here at school and shoot hoops."
That afternoon all three boys got off the school bus at Mark's stop and walked to the house. When they got there, Alex wasn't to be found. Mark checked the visitor's room and found that not only was it empty, but it was also cleaned. He ran over to his own room and found it as he had left it in the morning. He wondered where Alex could be.
"He must have gone out, he isn't upstairs." Mark said to his friends who showed their disappointment.
* * *
Kyle's jaw dropped when he saw Ryan standing there staring at him. Ryan just shook his head in disappointment and walked on to the music store. Both Kyle and Rich followed him in silence into the store. Neither spoke to the other.
Ryan presented the already paid invoice and was handed his package that had already been wrapped. Once he'd signed for it he headed for the door. He didn't notice Rich who had picked out an inexpensive recorder and a teaching manual and paid for them at a different counter; Rich handed his package to Kyle and they shook hands. Kyle followed Ryan back up the street to his parked car and they both got in without saying a word.
* * *
About 15 minutes into the trip, Kyle broke the oppressive silence between them.
"You didn't have to follow me!" He said, wondering what he had done that had led to Ryan's mistrust.
"You don't have to hide or feel ashamed of loving someone else." Ryan retaliated.
Ryan's words cut Kyle. He and Rich weren't lovers. Yet, hearing Ryan call him a lover made Kyle aware that he was feeling very deep feelings for Rich and it scared him. They rode home in silence for the rest of the trip. Each was hurting deeply inside trying to comprehend the meaning of the day's events.
About a mile away from home Ryan spoke again.
"Listen, Alex's birthday is in a few weeks. I would like to do something special. I even thought we might buy him a used car so that he can go to that special school for gay kids. Are you interested in helping organize it?"
Kyle didn't answer; his mind was racing in so many directions. How could Ryan, who had been spying on him and caught him in a very embarrassing moment, be talking about organizing a birthday party with him?
When they pulled up outside the house, Kyle got out of the car without saying one word and went directly into the kitchen to begin to prepare the dinner. Once in the kitchen it hit him that he might be forced to choose between Ryan and his family and Rich. How could he have fallen in love so quickly with a perfect stranger? Kyle loved Ryan, there was no doubt in his mind, but his attraction and feelings for Rich were no less real.
When Ryan came into the house he placed his package on the small table near the door where he always put his keys and began to go up to his room to change his clothes when he met Mark coming down the stairs followed by his two friends.
"Dad! Alex has gone!" Mark told him.
"What?" Ryan said, shocked by this latest revelation.
"All of his things are missing," Mark told him, "he must have left with Jonathan."
Ryan felt like someone had thrown a cold bucket of water over him. He couldn't believe what Mark was saying and went up to the boy's room to make sure for himself.
Mark watched Ryan carry on upstairs and then went into the kitchen and saw Kyle just standing, looking down into the sink, not doing anything but staring into the pot of potatoes soaking in water.
"Dad?" Mark said, but got no answer.
"Dad!" Mark repeated, still getting no response, then he finally reached out and touched Kyle's shoulder. Kyle was startled and jumped.
"Oh, I'm sorry Mark, I didn't hear you come in." Kyle said, somewhat confused.
"So you knew already?" Mark asked, wondering if Kyle had heard him telling Ryan that Alex was missing.
"Knew what?" Kyle asked, feeling very guilty and wondering how much Mark already knew about the incident with Rich.
"About Alex leaving with Jonathan." Mark said.
Kyle heard the words, but they didn't penetrate his consciousness. "Leaving with Jonathan, where did they go?" Kyle asked, unable to refocus his mind from being caught by Ryan kissing Rich.
"Kyle, Alex is gone! He's moved out!" Mark replied.
As Kyle became aware of what Mark was saying, he felt like his whole world was beginning to disintegrate. Everything was falling apart. All that he and Ryan had taken months to build seemed to be crumbling before him.
"Oh my God! … Where is Ryan?" Kyle asked as he dashed out of the kitchen.
Mark went back to his two friends and explained to them that perhaps they had better leave as this wasn't a good time. As Mark opened the door for his friends to leave, Manny came walking in, carrying his knapsack full of heavy books. He put them down on the same table where Ryan and Kyle kept their keys and noticed the nicely wrapped package.
"Whose is that?" Manny asked Mark.
"Manny, Alex left with Jonathan." Mark said as he tried to pull his younger brother into his arms.
"Its not true. Don't say that. Don't lie to me." Manny cried as he pulled away from Mark.
Upstairs, Kyle found Ryan staring into Alex's empty clothes' drawer. Kyle wanted to move into Ryan's arms and both comfort and be comforted by him. Ryan turned and looked into Kyle's eyes with the saddest look he had ever seen on him. Ryan shook his head and then walked past Kyle and went into his own room. Kyle stood there alone, feeling devastated. Ryan had always been there for Kyle and now that Ryan was hurting so deeply, Kyle felt totally impotent.
Within seconds, Manny came running into his room and seeing Kyle's sad face, flung himself into his arms. Kyle embraced Manny and through him embraced his family. He clung to Manny as if he were Ryan, Mark and Alex too.
Mark wasn't far behind Manny and just looked at the two embracing, but wondered why Ryan wasn't also with them.
"Should I call the police?" Mark asked.
"Not yet. He could still come back through the door at any moment." Kyle said, knowing that it was highly unlikely.
* * *
That night no one spoke at dinner. Ryan felt it was just as well, as he was afraid that he would break down and cry. Kyle was having such deep and ambiguous feelings: he felt that he was being drawn and quartered by a team of four horses. One leg being pulled by his feelings of guilt, the other by a desire to be with Rich and not lose him, one arm being tugged out of his torso with the idea that Alex might never return home and the other arm being wrenched out by seeing Ryan's sad face and fearing that he might be losing him as well. Then it hit him that this might be his last meal with Mark and Manny as well and tears began to flow down his cheeks.
"I've ruined everything. I'm so fucking sorry!" Kyle finally blurted out as he got up and went into the kitchen.
Ryan watched Kyle's back as he moved toward the kitchen door. It seemed that he was fading or disappearing into a mist and in spite of his wanting to grab him and comfort him he intuitively grasped that this was not the moment and perhaps there never would be a moment for them to hug again. Ryan too got up from the table, went out of the house and got into his car.
* * *
Later in the night, Kyle didn't know what to do or say. He was so uncomfortable he couldn't bring himself to get into his and Ryan's bed, so he just gathered a few of his things and moved into the visitor's room. When he got under the covers of the bed, he noticed that he could detect the scent of each of the boys and found some comfort from the sensation that they were still very near. He didn't realize that Ryan had not come home that night.
Mark began to feel that something was very wrong. Alex's disappearance would explain everyone feeling sad and anxious, but he would have expected that Kyle and Ryan would be more together and not totally ignoring one another. The next morning he prepared breakfast, but only he and Manny ate together. Disgusted by Kyle's behaviour, he went to Ryan and Kyle's room and was surprised not to find either of them there. He then checked on the guest room and heard Kyle say, "go away!"
Mark ignored Kyle and opened the door. The room was completely dark. Mark turned on a lamp near the bed and spoke to Kyle.
"What's going on? Where is Ryan and why did Alex leave?"
Kyle detected a tone of accusation in Mark's voice.
"You said last night that it was all your fault. What have you done?" Mark said, interrogating Kyle.
Kyle felt sheepishly like the naughty boy caught in his wrongdoing by his dad.
"Oh Mark, I'm sorry. I've hurt Ryan so badly yesterday and I don't think that he will ever forgive me." Kyle expressed his fears.
"Dad I thought that you loved Ryan. But now I can see that you don't even know him." Mark said.
"What? What do you mean?" Kyle asked, even more confused.
"You are talking about Ryan. Does the Ryan you know, act like that? The Ryan that I know is one of the most forgiving men around. Didn't he go to bat for those guys that attacked me? How much more would he be willing to forgive the man that he loves? Dad, I don't know what you did to hurt him, but I can't think of anything you could do that would make Ryan care less for you."
"I'm afraid that he might not even care for me at all anymore." Kyle said, scaring both Mark and himself.
"You mean you two are thinking of breaking up?" Mark asked, wondering what would happen to both himself and Manny if that were to occur. Now he too began to feel insecure. Alex who just a while back he had accepted as a brother had run off without even saying goodbye. He had no idea where Ryan was and now Kyle was regressing before his eyes. Mark began to feel like a small scared child again.
"Kyle you are scaring me. Have you thought about Manny and me?" Mark protested his feelings of anxiety.
"And I." Kyle corrected him automatically.
"Manny and me! Manny and me! It seems that even grammar is more important to you than he and I!" Mark shouted in frustration and dashed out of the room crying.
Shocked by Mark's emotional outburst, Kyle realized that Mark was right. He was putting his own feelings and worries above those of the boys. He got up, dressed and went over to his and Ryan's bedroom surprised to find that Ryan hadn't slept there. He found his cell phone and called Ryan on his.
It rang five times before Ryan answered: "Has Alex shown up?" Were the first words out of Ryan's mouth.
"No, but our other sons need us right now." Kyle said. "Ryan, I am sorry for yesterday, but I want you to know that I love you, and what you saw isn't all that it seemed to be. Please come home."
"I'm already on the way, I should be there in a few minutes. Kyle, I wasn't spying on you, I didn't expect to see you there yesterday and I was in a state of shock. I'm sure you have a good explanation." Ryan said.
Kyle noticed that Ryan closed the phone without saying that he loved him and felt somewhat hurt. But he closed his cell phone and went over to the boy's room. He walked in after knocking.
"Guys, Ry is on his way home. I am going to need to talk with him first and then we should all talk. Don't worry about the school bus, I'll drive you both later." Kyle said reassuringly.
Kyle heard the front door open and went to meet Ryan only to find Alex standing there.
"Alex, thank God you're all right and home!" Kyle said, calling for Mark and Manny both of whom came running out of the kitchen. They all joined in a huge family hug; celebrating and relieved that Alex was all right.
"I'm sorry guys, but my future isn't in Alaska. I hate the cold. My plans are to go to Hollywood and become a big movie star." Alex told them.
* * *
Since Ryan wasn't very far away it only took him a few minutes to get home. The news that Alex had not come home was unsettling. He had hoped he would have reconsidered and be back by now.
As Ryan walked up to the front door, the door opened and Kyle came toward him and they embraced. Kyle could tell by the strength in Ryan's grip, that all was going to be fine. Ryan only nodded to Mark and Manny as he and Kyle went up to their bedroom to talk. No one told him that Alex was up in his room.
"Ry, I love you. But just yesterday, while having lunch at the University cafeteria I met a guy. His name is Rich and I went back to his apartment to see his flute – I know how bad that must sound – and to think about buying one for myself. Well, that was the excuse we used anyway. The truth is, I felt attracted to him and enjoyed having a younger man try to seduce me. He was so very romantic and well, that was a new experience for me and I went along with his seduction. Yet, when I realized what I was putting into jeopardy, I asked him to stop what he was doing and he did. He respected the limit that I imposed. We were coming out of his apartment on our way to buy a flute when you saw us on the landing of the staircase. We kissed and I liked the kiss, but it was a kiss of gratitude for respecting my decision." Kyle said.
"Kyle, if I told you I was not shocked yesterday at seeing you kissing in the doorway, I would be lying to you. But what cut me was your accusation that I didn't trust you and that I was spying on you. I want you to know that I was there by pure coincidence. We have both had sex with other guys and if you want to experience something with this guy, that is fine with me. I don't demand exclusivity with you, just that you practice safe sex; if you want to invite him over to our house, that is fine too. If you want to do a three-way or not that too is OK." Ryan declared. "It is my personal belief that too many homosexual loves end because they think the heterosexual model is the only way to be in a loving relationship. For some reason we have not chosen to be exclusive and that has worked for us up til now." Ryan concluded.
"Ry, I'm sorry that I jumped to the conclusion that you were spying on me. I think it was my own guilt feelings that clouded my better judgement. Please forgive me." Kyle asked solicitously.
"I love you Kyle. Even when your judgement is clouded, I love you so much it hurts at times. Now can you tell me anything about Alex?" Ryan queried.
"Sorry, Ry, I was so glad to see you myself, I almost forgot. Alex is next door in his room. He's fine." Kyle revealed.
Ryan kissed Kyle's cheek with a quick peck and quickly headed next door. He opened the door as he knocked, finding Alex half undressed, but not minding just took the young man into his arms and said,
"Welcome home, Son!"
To be continued.
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