Date: Fri, 01 Jun 2001 09:15:52 +0200
From: "solark36@yahoo.co.uk" <solark36@yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: 15 Hartford -8

Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional and not intended for minors or
those judged unable by law to read this material.  Any resemblance to
actual people is purely coincidental and unintended.

The author reserves all rights to this work.

15 HARTFORD

The story so far: Martin and Michael have declared their love for each
other and have expressed that love in bed.  They were still unsure about
coming out to others especially Michael's family.  After about a month of
discovering each other's love, Michael's mother suffers a fainting spell.


Part 8 - Little Difficulties

Mrs. Watson recovered.  Her heart was still strong, but her blood pressure
was on the high side.  The doctor advised her to take it easy.  She was to
be on medication for her blood pressure and to watch her diet.  She stayed
for four days in the hospital.  The doctor told her to take a week's rest
before resuming work.

Her boss, Mrs. Chow, the owner of the restaurant she worked in, allowed
Michael to take her place at work so that his mother would not be deprived
of her salary.  This meant that Michael had to stay with his family.
Martin, on his part, would buy dinner for the family and pop down at lunch
to see how Mrs. Watson was.  He would drive Michael home at night from the
restaurant and drive up in the morning to take Michael and the twins to
school.

On the last day of her medical leave, Mrs. Watson thanked Martin.

"Thank you, Mr. McBain.  At first, it was Michael and now me and the twins.
You are really a kind man."

"I couldn't see you in trouble and not help."

"You must be really tired during the week.  I don't know how to thank you."

"No thanks is needed, Mrs. Watson.  Actually, I am worried about Michael.
He had to work and then get back to his studies.  I am sure he had very
little sleep.  I could see dark circles in his eyes this evening when I
drove him to the restaurant."

"Yes.  This week must have been hard for him.  Fortunately, it is only for
a week and he is a young man.  I just hope I have not caused damage to his
health.  He is a strong young man, though."

"I think you gave the twins quite a scare.  They have been dutifully doing
all the chores, especially Charlene.  She was not quite her usual chatty
self during this week.  I am sure she loves you a great deal."

Mrs. Watson kept silent for a few moments and then said, "Yes.  I know they
love me but they are at that difficult age.  Adam is helpful and in many
ways still very innocent.  It is the youngest, Charlene, that I really
worry.  She is maturing so fast and there is a streak of the rebel in her.
She gets her stubborness from me, I reckon."

Martin noticed a more intense look in Mrs. Watson's eyes when she mentioned
Charlene.  He knew he shouldn't interfere, but he would have to tell
Michael about it.

"Okay, Mrs. Watson.  Let's take lunch before our soup gets cold."

-----

Michael was very tired.  He was glad that it was the last day of his duty
at the restaurant.  His mother would have to get back to work.  He was glad
that the next night was usually a quiet night.  Mrs. Chow noticed how
hardworking Michael was and felt sorry for him.  She gave him two
containers before he left for the night.

"This container with the red cover is for your mother.  This container with
the blue cover is for you.  You must promise to drink it.  I have specially
double boiled these for your mother and you.  They are different.  One is
for your mother to build up her strength and the other is for your
fatigue."

Michael thanked Mrs. Chow and promised that he would carry out the
instructions.

When Martin came to pick Michael up, he asked about the containers.
Michael explained and Martin told him about the conversation he had earlier
with his mother and his observation when she mentioned Charlene.

"I may have to talk to Charlene then," Michael said with a sigh.

"What are you going to say to her?"

"I'll ask her what's going on between Mom and her."

Martin frowned.  "I think it is not wise to come out straight and ask her.
It is probably something that she has to settle with your mother.  If you
came in, she would probably feel cornered and then things might get worse.
She might think that your mother and you are ganging up on her."

"That's true.  I really am too tired to think.  What can I say to nudge her
to settle with Mom?"

"Maybe, just tell her that you noticed that she was looking guilty and that
maybe she should speak to your mother."

"Alright.  That would be a better way I suppose."

Martin noticed how tired Michael looked.  "You look like you could do with
a massage."

"I suppose you can give me a shoulder rub and a back rub?" Michael said
mischievously.  "I do know that I long to have a massage of another muscle
and I would give you one too."

Martin grinned.  "Though I have never given anybody a massage, I suppose I
could rub some muscles gently to get rid of stress.  Michael, is that all
you can think of now?  That muscle of yours must be really stressed."

"I usually get 'de-stressed' once a week, but it's been more than a week of
being near you and not getting 'de-stressed'.  I think there is more stress
there."

"Once things get to normal, we can 'de-stress' each other."

Michael suddenly became serious, "Martin, there is something we need to
talk about."

"Can it wait?  We are reaching your mother's now."

"It can, but I would like you to re-think our meeting arrangements.  If my
family tried to call me when I am over at your place, how can I explain my
absence for the night?"

"Yes.  That is a problem.  Okay, I'll think about it and maybe we can
discuss it next week."

-----

When Adam and Charlene came home that evening, Mrs. Watson was sitting in
the living room waiting for them.

"Good evening, Mom," both of them greeted their mother.

"Good evening, children.  Adam, could you set the table and clean up the
kitchen.  I would like Charlene to help me with something in the bedroom."

"Yes, Mom," said Adam.  He put his bag in his room and then went into the
kitchen.

Charlene followed her mother in silence into the bedroom.  Once in there,
she said in a soft voice, "Yes Mom, what can I do for you."

Her mother sat on the bed and patted the space beside her.  "Sit down,
Charlene, I think we need to talk."

Charlene sat down, her face looking down.

"Charlene, do you know how much I love you?"

Charlene nodded her head but did not look at her mother.

"Please do not feel guilty over what happened that night."

Charlene kept quiet.

"It was not your fault.  I probably had the high blood pressure for some
time now.  It wasn't caused by you."

Charlene spoke up for the first time, "But if I did not say those hurtful
things, you would probably not have had to go into the hospital."

"Then it would probably be at the restaurant, Charlene."

"But I was so nasty to you."

"Nasty, yes.  But you did not cause my illness."

"I'm so sorry, Mom.  I am so sorry ..." Charlene started to cry.

Mrs. Watson opened her arms and hugged her crying daughter.  Charlene
continued to cry as her mother comforted her.  After a while, Charlene
calmed down.

"Charlene, I know that this is a difficult time for you.  You are growing
into a woman and things are happening.  Your body is doing things to you
that you do not understand.  You sometimes get very short tempered and get
frustrated very fast.  I have been through all that.  You will learn to
adapt, I promise you.  However, you need to understand that it is very
difficult for me to be less protective of my only daughter."

"I'm sorry mom."

"How is that boy?"

Charlene looked at her mother, not certain that it was the right thing to
talk about at the moment, "He's okay I guess."

"You have not called him at all?"

"No.  I do not want to go through another night like the other night."

Mrs. Watson smiled.  "Charlene, I asked you to put down the telephone the
other night because you were talking too long.  I had noticed that you were
coming home every night that week and would be on the phone as soon as you
came in.  You only took a break to eat dinner and then resume the telephone
marathon.  Besides the cost of the phone bills, I was also thinking about
your studies.  I must have over-reacted when I found out it was a boy."

"No, Mom, you are right.  I am too young to have a serious relationship
with a boy ..."

"A serious relationship at your age is not right, I agree.  However, having
a friendship is okay.  This is the time to find out about what boys like
and dislike and how they think.  When it is time to get to a serious
relationship, then you can hook the boy you want."

Charlene blushed.

"Charlene, at the rate you were going with that boy, now what is his name?"

"Bobby."

"Thanks.  Charlene, I don't mind you befriending a boy.  In fact, I
encourage you to be friends with many boys, just don't get into an intense
relationship too fast.  At the rate you both were going, you'd hurt each
other when there is nothing else to say.  Love is something that grows.  It
does not just happen.  At the beginning it is very fragile and if you try
to rush it, it may seem real but it dies very quickly."

"Yes Mom."

"Know this, I am not trying to run your life.  I will not ask what you were
talking about, but as your mother, I do have a right to know where you are
going to and who you are with.  I love and trust you, but it is the other
party that I usually have doubts about.  Do you understand?"

"Yes Mom."

When Martin and Michael arrived, they found the both of them talking and
laughing in the living room.

Michael grinned, "I guess I don't have to have that talk with Charlene,
then."

"I think you are right," Martin replied.

-----

When Michael awoke the next morning, he noticed his brother standing next
to his bed.  His brother's attention was drawn away from his face and so
did not see him opening his eyes.  When Michael was fully awake, he said,
"What do you find so interesting about me, Adam?"

Adam jumped.  He had not noticed his brother stirring.  He turned red and
said, "Nothing."

"Come on little brother, I know what you were really looking at.  So don't
tell me 'nothing'.  The truth little brother, or else I will have to start
calling you Mickey again!"

Michael had stopped calling his brother and sister 'Mickey and Minnie'
since he started studying at the Academy.

"Nothing important, honest!"

"You were staring at my morning stiffy, won't you?"

"No!  no!"

"I saw.  Do you really want to see it?"

Adam's eyes widened.  Michael noticed that his brother was also hard.  "You
would show me?"

"No," Michael said matter-of-factly.  "Why would I want to let you see my
privates?  Why would you want to see my privates unless ..."

"No!  big brother, I am no faggot.  I was just curious!"

Michael cringed at that word.  He knew that his brother did not really
understand that word but he still did not like the sound of it.

"The word is 'gay', Adam.  You use 'faggot' when you are insulting someone.
Would you like your friends who are black, like that boy, Henry, to be
called a 'dirty nigger'?"

"No, of course not.  Henry is a good boy.  His skin colour is darker but he
is still a good boy.  He is definitely not dirty," Adam then giggled,
"though he does share with us some dirty jokes."

"So, don't call someone a 'faggot'.  The word is 'gay'.  Okay?"

"Okay."

"Adam, is it time for me to tell you about jacking off?"

"I already know what it is," said Adam proudly.  "I've even done it a few
times!"

Michael laughed.  "So what's this curiosity about me?"

Adam smiles nervously, "You seem a lot bigger, I was wondering if I would
ever get as big as you?"

"I don't know.  We are all different.  You are just growing.  Yours will
grow larger as your body grows, but I don't know how big it will grow to.
Anything else?"

"No," Adam said.

"Well, you can ask anything at anytime and I will try to answer but don't
ask me to show you my stiffy.  We might get to see each other's some day,
but I won't take my pants off just to show you, okay?"

"Yes big brother."

Michael got up of bed and laughing, he said, "Now wash up, I'm hungry.
Don't keep my breakfast waiting!"

-----

A relationship between a eighteen year old and a forty year old is not
easy.  The eighteen year old is full of life and the forty year old is
reaching or has reached middle age.  To the eighteen year old, life is full
of possibilities.  To a forty year old who was probably going through some
sort of mid-life crisis, life is full of missed opportunities.

To Martin, Michael was the youth he did not have.  He was constantly
encouraging the boy to be adventurous and trying out new fashions and
music.  Martin was trying to encourage the boy to live his life before life
caught up with him.  Martin wanted to try new experiences and was afraid to
try them alone.  He had hoped to try them with Michael.  Martin had always
wanted to travel to some exotic place.  He wanted to go to Sweden, Denmark,
the Amazon jungle, Japan, the far east, to everywhere that he thought was
exciting.

Michael, on the other hand, felt that Martin was being too adventurous.  He
wanted Martin to take his time and do things one step at a time.  He was
also conscious that they were not out of the closet yet and had to be
careful of what they wanted to do.

Martin wanted to spend at least three weeks with Michael in the summer away
from home.  He had calculated what it would cost him and he was sure it
would not eat too much into his savings.  Before Mrs. Watson had her
fainting spell, Martin often asked where Michael would like to spend his
summer.  He had given many suggestions but Michael had not answered with a
definite answer.  It was even harder to get anything from Michael since his
mother returned from the hospital.

"Look Martin, I do not know how my mother will react.  I want to be sure
that her blood pressure is stable before I tell her about us.  In fact I
think we should keep it a secret until I graduate."

Martin did not have any arguments against that.

Michael continued, "We also have to re-think our Thursday meetings.
Perhaps you need to come over to my place every Thursday."

"That wouldn't do.  I would have to drive to your place every Thursday and
then your neighbours would wonder why I was spending every Thursday night
at your place."

"Though it is none of their business, it might give us some complications,"
Michael agreed.  "The more I think about it, the less I like it.  Okay
Martin, the way things are going, let's just keep the meetings at my place
but not at yours.  I do not want to have to lie to my family where I was.
Keeping our relationship a secret is already bad enough, lying to them
would be worse!"

"You mean we would only see each other once a month?" Martin asked.

"Yes.  It's only until I graduate."

"That's almost seventeen months!"

"Come on, Martin.  Are you in love with me or are you with me just for the
sex?"

Martin looked at Michael in the eye and said, "I love you.  Yes, I am in
love with you.  I also like the sex.  This is the first time in my life
that things felt so right, so natural.  Thus, it is so difficult for me to
contain it.  Hiding things from the people around me is difficult; at
least, I have intimacy with you."

"I know that it would be difficult.  I can understand that.  Don't forget I
still have my raging hormones," Michael said with a smile.

"So does it mean we'll be alone for just once a month?" Martin asked.

"No, of course not.  We'll still have Fridays.  I don't really like
quickies but if there is a need, we can have one before you send me home.
I can cook dinner here, at your flat, and then have a quick one before
going home."

"I suppose I could.  Would you be able to go away somewhere for the
summer?"

"If that would not raise too many questions, I would go.  If so let's go
somewhere near and not too far; a week at the most, I should think."

Martin was a little disappointed, he had wanted more time with Michael.

"You look disappointed," Michael said, noticing the look on Martin's face.
"Please tell me you have not booked anything yet."

"No. I haven't.  I was just hoping to spend more time with you."

"Martin, during the summer, I could get away from the house and get a
summer job and help lighten my mother's load a little.  She would not have
to work extra hours just to make sure that my still growing brother and
sister would be provided for."

"I am sorry.  I guess I was being selfish.  I was just thinking about
myself.  What you said just now reminded me of one of the reasons I fell in
love with you: your maturity.  You have a big heart, able to think so much
about other people.  I am sorry I was just thinking about myself."

"Martin, when you think of others besides yourself, you become less focused
on what you lack and focus on what you have.  I think that when you stop
focusing on how flabby you are or how old you are and start to do something
for others, you will start to feel young again.  You have lost quite a bit
of weight running about helping us when Mom was out of action.  If you were
to perhaps swim or jog, or even walk a little bit more, you'd be trim.  Why
don't you join an exercise club and start working out a little.  You won't
become Mr. Olympia, but you will find that you would not be so flabby."

"So, you do find me flabby!" Martin exclaimed.

"Oh Martin," Michael said with a laugh, "I like you just as you are.  If
you want to be trimmer, I'd still love you.  I love Martin McBain, not just
his body."

Michael gave Martin a hug and a kiss followed.  They went to bed but
Michael did not spend the night.  Martin drove him home at eleven that
evening.

-----

As promised, Martin joined an exercise club.  He decided to go to one at
the suburbs.  He was sure that it would be less crowded there and he had
more time during the weekends.  He signed up for the membership and went in
the next week.

He went into the club dressed in a track suit.  A young man welcomed him.
He was one of the trainers.  He was probably in his mid-twenties and
because he was also in a track suit, Martin could not tell if he was
muscled or not.  The only thing he knew was that this guy had a flat tummy.
His name was Ronnie.  Martin asked if there was a specific exercise
programme that he could use seeing that he could only come to the gym only
once a week.  Ronnie said that there was no problem if he could do some
form of aerobic activity and some free weight exercise during the week.  He
sat down with Martin and began to work out a schedule.  As Ronnie was the
Saturday trainer, Martin would see him everytime he came in.  He would then
help Martin out with his programme.  It was thus that Martin started his
'workout life'.

The first few weeks were difficult.  Martin went back after his first
workout feeling fine but woke up to aches and pain the next morning.
Ronnie had told him to stop strenous activity on Sunday and totally relax.
He was glad.  He doubted that he could do anything that Sunday.

Nelly was amused at Martin's sudden interest in sport but said that it was
a good activity to have.  "Keeps the heart healthy and the body in tip-top
condition," she had said.

The next week was about the same and Martin thought about giving up.  He
was suffering and he wondered whether he was worth it.  He remembered that
Michael had said he loved him in any condition.  However, he also
remembered that Michael also wanted him to stop griping about being flabby
and old.  He weighed the options in his head and decided that he should
brave the aches and pain, and get into tip-top condition.  Then he would
not be complaining so much.  He would have to ask for extra advice from
Ronnie the next time he went.

Ronnie grinned when Martin told him about the aches and pain.  "I was
wondering when you were going to ask me about them.  You will realise that
the weekday exercises are less strenuous so that you can continue to
workout and yet not end up with the strains obtained when you are here on
Saturday."

"Yes," Martin said, "It was not easy to do those exercises on Monday and
Tuesday.  I really had to struggle.  I really felt good by Friday and then
Saturday starts again!"

Ronnie grinned, "Actually, you are quite fit for a man your age.  Pardon
me, that last statement was not meant to offend you."

"No offense taken.  I am past forty and I should acknowledge that."

"Precisely.  There are some men in their mid-thirties who are not as fit as
you.  So, don't be discouraged.  The exercises that have been formulated
work large muscle groups, some of which you have never used before.  So the
first few times that you work them, you are going to get the aches and
pains.  Since you are actually trying to tone and firm your body, not gain
mass, once you get used to the workouts, the aches and pain will greatly
reduce."

"Thanks, Ronnie."

Martin then got to work at the machines, just as Ronnie had prescribed.  He
was halfway through his workout when he noticed two familiar people coming
into the machine room.  They were Gabe and Ian.  He waved to them and they
waved back.  He did not want to interrupt his schedule and so he did not
stop to talk to them.  He noticed they got onto the treadmills and started
running.

Gabe and Ian, who had worked with him before the transfer, were surprised
to see the 'M&M monster' starting to work out.  In the past, they had made
fun of him but they knew that he was a changed man.  The people in the city
had told them about the changes Martin had gone through.

When Martin had finished his workout, he waited for them to finish theirs.
The two had been working out on their own.

"Hello lads!"  Martin greeted them.

"Well, well.  I didn't expect to see you here, Martin," Gabe said.

"I have some extra time on my hands now that there is a nurse for my
mother.  So I decided to tune up this old engine of a body."

"I notice that you got Ronnie there to plan a workout.  You must be really
serious about this workout thing," Ian chipped in.

"I am in my forties.  I wanted to get it right.  I am no expert in
exercise, so I thought I'd better get some expert advice."

"How much are you paying him?" Gabe asked.

"I don't know.  I just paid a lump sum for one year's subscription at the
exercise club and for the instructions," Martin replied.  "I did not see
you the last two weeks?"

"We usually come in later.  That was before Gabe here started getting
serious with his girlfriend," Ian said.  "He now wants to come in earlier
so that he can spend more time with her."

Martin noticed a glare from Gabe.  "Perhaps now we can workout together.
Then we can grab a drink in the cafeteria downstairs before going back.  I
only started three weeks ago and I have been hoping for some company when I
get my drink.  Now I think I have found what I wanted!"

Gabe and Ian looked at Martin in surprise.  They noticed a change in
Martin.  Martin was friendlier and was not as shy as before.  They all
agreed and became regulars at the club.

It was through Gabe and Ian that Martin found out that Sally had planned a
Spring Wedding.  She would be sending invitations out three weeks before
the event.

-----

A week later, the last Friday of February, Sally came in to Martin's
office.

"Mr. McBain, I am getting married on the 21st next month.  It is a Saturday
and I would like to invite you to the wedding."

"Congratulations, Sally!"  Martin stood up from his chair and walked to
Sally and shook her hands.

"I know that you already knew.  Gabe and Ian had told me that they told
you.  I have often wondered what caused the change in you.  I guess there
must be someone new in your life, eh?"

Martin was surprised.  Sally was so direct.  He knew he could not say who
it was and yet could he say no to the question.

"Sally, this is hardly the time to talk about my personal life," Martin
said, hoping that Sally would not press the question further.

"Of course not, Mr. McBain."

Martin calmed down a little.  She was not pursuing the matter.

"Is it okay if I find out what the address of Michael.  I promised to
invite him for the wedding."

Martin went pale.  Did she know?  He took a while to reply.  "Yes, I'll
write it down for you."  Martin thought that it would be best to give her
the Watsons' address.  Michael's rented flat might raise too much problems.
He walked back to his desk and took out a piece of memo paper and wrote the
address down and then gave it to Sally.

"He stays here with his family," Martin said as he handed Sally the paper.

"Thanks Mr. McBain," Sally replied as she took the paper.  "Looks like I
would have to invite the whole family.  You don't happen to know how many
there are in his family?"

"Four, including him," Martin answered without thinking.  Martin was not
sure, but he thought he saw a twinkle in Sally's eyes.

After she had left the office, he realised that he had just written the
address without referring to any address book.  Because he had been to the
Watsons' so often, he had memorised the address.  How stupid of him!  Sally
would have noticed that.  He also told her the number of people in his
family!  She would easily guess that Michael and he are together.  What
should he do now?  Just then, a call came for him.

"Yes McBain speaking."

"Hi there!  It's me!"

"Hi Michael.  Just finished classes?"

"Yes!  I'll see you at the flat tonight.  My hormones are at overdrive.  I
told my mother that I would be staying with you tonight.  So don't be
late."

"You told your mother and she was okay with it?"

"Of course."  Martin heard a chuckle at the other end.  "Don't tell me that
you've forgotten what today is?"

"But it is tomorrow isn't it?"

"Yes.  That is why my mother agreed.  She thought that it was nice of you
to invite me out for a night out and then we all would celebrate my
birthday together tomorrow."

"You told her what?"

"I knew you had forgotten and took the liberty of assuming that you would
like to take me out for something special.  Only I did not tell her that
I'd like a quiet evening with you."

"You think that you've caught me, didn't you?  But I am going to prove you
wrong.  I've got a very special present for you already."

"You have?  I can't wait to see it."

"Be patient.  Love you."

"Love you too.  See you tonight."

Martin made a call home and told Nelly that he would was going home on
Saturday instead.  After some thought, he also made a call to the suburb
workshop to inform Gabe that he would be late for their usual workouts
together and that they should carry on without him.

-----

When Martin got home that night, he found Michael in the kitchen.  He only
had a pair of shorts and an apron.  He looked hot enought to eat.

"You're home.  Why don't you make yourself comfortable and I'll serve
dinner in about ten minutes."

Martin took of his coat and his tie.  He unbuttoned the top two buttons of
his shirt and went into the kitchen.  He put his hands on Michael's naked
waist and kissed the back of his neck.

"That tickles!" Michael said.  He turned around with a grin and said, "Now
look what you've caused." He thrust his hips towards Martin to emphasize
the erection that he had.

"I wouldn't mind a serving of that for dinner," Martin teased.

"Look who's the naughty teenager now!" Michael laughed.  "Now go and
change.  We'll have dinner first and then we'll have a shower, okay?"

"Yes sir!"  Martin gave a salute which gave Michael another laugh.

Martin went into the bedroom and took off his shirt and trousers.  He
decided that he would be like Michael.  He went into the dining room with
just his boxer shorts and his undershirt on.

Michael had just set the table and nodded with approval.  "You got my
hint," he said mischievously.

Apetitisers were a pair of oysters each.  Martin smiled and said, "I
thought you didn't need any help."

"I thought you needed some help," Michael shot back.

"Actually I'm fine!"

The playful banter continued through the salad and the main course which
was a fillet of halibut.

"You are a very good cook.  Let's get married."  Martin said.

"Sorry guv," came the reply.  "I am not planning to be a slave of the
kitchen."

They laughed.  After the dessert of fresh strawberries, Martin went to his
room and brought out Michael's present.  It was a set of cuff-links and a
tie pin.  The special thing about the cuff-links were that there was a
secret compartment where there were two small pictures of Michael and
Martin.

"We never took that picture together."

"No we never, but the other pictures were not clear enough.  I used the art
of modern technology.  I was testing one of the custom computers with a
special printer.  It was just in for cleaning and maintenance.  So I
decided to scan in two pictures of us and combine it into one.  I reduced
it and the printer did a good job.  I stuck a piece of clear flim over to
protect it and cut the pictures to size so that they would fit that small
compartment."

The pictures were really too small to make out the fact that it was Martin
and Michael.  But Michael was really touched.  Martin had taken a lot of
trouble to do what he did.  He gave Martin a kiss on the lips.

"I have something special, too," said Michael.

Martin frowned, "I get something too on your birthday?"

"Yes," said Michael, "I am going to reward you.  I thought you had
forgotten a present and so I thought that I would like something from you
that you cannot buy from the shops."

"What's that?"

"Martin, last year, on my eighteenth birthday, Jimmy made love to me and
removed my virginity.  This year, my nineteenth birthday, I am with someone
I love again.  I would like you to make love to me the way Jimmy used to.
I know that we have not done this before.  I will help you through it.
Martin, by letting you fuck me, I am telling you that I am yours.  I am
making a committment to you.  By fucking me, your present to me is your
committment."

Martin had tears in his eyes.  "Michael, I love you.  You have given me a
greater gift.  I must confess that I thought we had never done this because
your love for Jimmy far surpasses your love for me and ..."

"Martin, I still love Jimmy.  But he is gone.  He is never coming back.  In
a strange way, he gave you to me.  I know that he would approve of what we
are doing.  I love you in the same intensity as I loved Jimmy.  Maybe in
time, that may even surpass the love I have for Jimmy.  But Jimmy and you
are two different people.  The love is different and yet the same.  How can
I explain it?  It is not subsititution.  I loved you from scratch, just
like Jimmy.  It's like two branches of the same tree.  Do you understand?"

"A little.  All I know is that you want to commit yourself to me and I will
be committing myself to you.  If that is not enough for me, then I am not
worthy of you."

They kissed again, both feeling so happy.

-----

to be continued.

Author's note:
My thanks to all who have written me, esp. John L.  All of you who have
written have given me much encouragement.  I get motivated when I get mail.
So keep those mail coming.  I welcome  both criticism and praise, though
praise is definitely nicer but criticism helps me to improve my writing.

Another thing: no one has given an answer to the question I posed at the
end of the last part yet!  Really!  Doesn't anyone know the answer?
Thanks for bearing with my ranting.
solark36@yahoo.co.uk