Date: Mon, 9 Oct 2000 12:18:20 -0700 (PDT)
From: Douglas E. <ded7@yahoo.com>
Subject: A Love Story

First for the usual warning: This story contains graphic gay sex.  If you
are offended by this type of material or just don't want to read it please
pass this one up.  This is a true story of how I found and met my true
love.

		       ****************************
			       A Love Story
			       By: Douglas E


     "Honey.  I am gay."
     Darla's eyes got wide and she looked at me without saying anything.
After almost eight years of marriage I finally found the courage to tell
her.  It seems strange to say, but I had never loved anyone as much as I
loved her.  Still, I knew in my heart that I could never truly make her
happy and that she could never make me happy.  I remember holding each
other and crying that night as we realized that we could never make it work
yet knowing in our hearts that we had experienced something really special.
Even to this day she has remained my dearest friend.
     Living in small town Montana makes it almost impossible to meet other
gay men.  I had never really even talked to another gay man and I was sure
I never would.  It was a really lonely feeling to have but I tried hard not
to let it drag me down.  I had resigned myself to living alone for the rest
of my life.  Darla gave me custody of our three children and we set out to
make life the best we could together.
     Like so many other young gay men I set out to find out what being with
a man was all about.  I met a few guys and even experimented some, but
nothing ever really felt right to me.  It seems that the world is full of
married men that are looking for a cheap fuck.  At one point I even began
to think I was straight and had made some terrible mistake leaving my wife.
I realized quickly that I was a one guy kind of guy and I decided that it
was much better to be alone then to spend the rest of my life jumping from
one icky guys bed to the next.  If all there was to life was a good orgasm
I am sure I would have been happy, but I needed so much to be held by
someone that truly loved me for who I was and not just because of what I
could give them.  Perhaps I sound bitter but that is not my intention at
all.  I have grown so much in the past year and learned so much about
myself.  I remember laying on my bedroom floor after by first real
experience with a guy and crying.  It was then that I realized that I could
not pretend anymore.  I like guys and there was no way I could deny it from
that point on.  I guess that leads us right back to the point where I told
my wife and got on with my life.
     I found that the computer was a great way to talk to other gay men.  I
made a lot of friends online and began to learn to accept the fact that I
was gay.  I realized that most guys had gone through the same things I had,
and may of them were going through it at the same time I was.  I started to
realize that I was not alone and there were many guys in the world that
were searching just like I was.
      I had a few friends that were in the middle of some serious online
romances and I always thought it was crazy.  What were the chances that
they would ever actually get to meet or touch the man that they were so in
love with.  I guess that is why I felt so strange when I first felt myself
falling for Kevin.  He was in Maine; three thousand miles away from me and
even though I was sure I could not live without him, I was also sure that I
would never have the privilege of actually laying in his arms.  I guess we
all have an image in our head of what the perfect guy would be like and he
fit every fantasy or desire I had ever had.  I questioned myself every day
when I first started falling in love with him but the more I tried to fight
it the more intense it became to me.
     The time I spent with Kevin became the most important times of my
life.  I was up early to talk to him and up late because I just could not
let him go.  I found myself thinking of him more and more and I could not
get his image out of my mind.  He used to call me from work just to see how
I was doing.  I remember the day that I wanted to tell him that I loved him
but it ended up in an awkward silence.  I found out later that Kevin knew
what I wanted to say and that he wanted to say it too.  At that point in my
life the words "I love you" were almost hard to say.  I had learned not to
trust and it was going to take one hell of a man to tear down the walls
that I had built up inside.
     "Doug, I cannot concentrate in school and my job performance is not so
good either.  All I think about is you all the time.  You consume me!"
     Kevin said those words to me one day on the phone.  I couldn't even
respond to him because I had waited so long to hear that kind of love in
someone's voice.  The same awkward silence returned that we had experienced
the day I wanted to tell him that I loved him.  I remember the day that I
finally was able to tell him and the tears I cried when he told me he felt
the same way.  I still had not lost the feeling that the whole affair was
foolish but I had passed the point of no return.  I was so in love with
Kevin, and yet never let go of the belief that he was someone that I would
love from a distance forever.
     "I cannot do this anymore Kevin.  You need to delete me from your
computer and forget about me."
     Even writing those words now they sound so silly.  Here I was three
thousand miles away from my dream man and totally in love with a man that
was basically a stranger to me.  We all say and do things on the computer
and at times I tried to convince myself that he was not the man I had made
him out to be.
     "Don't discount me because I'm in Maine Doug.  I am so in love with
you.  My heart dropped when you said that to me.  I will come to you if
that is what it takes.  I can't live without you."
     The next day I began a cross country trip on a bus to find the man
that I loved and could not seem to be happy without.  Honestly the whole
time I was thinking, "I should have flown."  A cross country trip can get a
little monotonous on a bus.  I can remember watching the landscape from the
window.  It seem that the world looks almost the same from coast to coast
once you cross the Rocky Mountains.  The plains rolled by hour after our
and my thought rolled on too.  I had way to much time to think about what I
was doing and I was gripped with a serious fear that after all this he
would end up not wanting me.  The more I let myself think the more afraid I
got and there were times I was tempted to turn around and go home.  It was
the fact that I loved him that spurred me on.
     For those of you that have ever had to sit next to a four hundred
pound man with a bad case of body odor you will be able to sympathize with
me.  Every time the bus stopped I would pray it was his turn to get off.
After 3 days on a bus everyone gets a bit unattractive but this guy was
almost more then I could handle.  I sat next to him for ten hours and I
even tried to make friendly conversation with him but he always answered
with the same "humph."  Of course by the time night came I had myself
convinced that he had me pegged as a queer and was just waiting for me to
go to sleep so he could slit my throat.  That fear left after he was sound
asleep and snoring louder then I thought any human could.  His head fell
onto my shoulder and I became his pillow for the rest of the night.  I
guess in ways it was almost peaceful except for maybe that drooling problem
of his.  Seriously, this huge wet spot on my shoulder.  I don't even want
to think about it.
     The next morning my drooling friend left me and was replaced by an
even more obnoxious man I will affectionately refer to as Frank Bank.
Frank did not have the body odor problem that the last guy did but the
smell of alcohol was almost more then I could take.  He was a happy drunk
and for that I am thankful but every time he spoke to me I would get a buzz
on.  He would put his arm around me and say, "You're alright dude."  I
would just smile and say, "humph" because it had worked so well for my
snoring friend.  Unfortunately Frank was a talker and went on for hours
about his scorned woman and his seventeen children he had never met.  I
just sat there wide eyed and shook my head now and then to make him think I
was still listening.
     Being someone's pillow was far from my greatest aspirations in life
but I would have gladly gone back if I had the chance.  That night I became
Frank's mattress as he passed out across my lap.  I tried to move him a few
times but he would roll like he was going to hit the floor.  I spent most
of that night just making sure he was still breathing.  Frank woke up with
one killer hang over and left me alone until he left the bus.
     I had never been East of Montana in my life.  I used to think about
what a big city like Chicago or Boston would be like.  Actually I thought
it would be so wonderful because I was sure there must be tons of other gay
men there.  I never felt so normal as I did when I was with other gay men.
Although I only saw the big cities from a bus station I will never forget
the excitement that I felt inside just being there.  I found that there was
a lot more diversity in people then I had realized.  I guess we all come
from the same mold in the great state of Montana.  Perhaps I just came from
a cracked one.  I saw a man in a cowboy hat when I was in Chicago and it
totally made me feel like I was home.  Of course that man had all his teeth
so I was sure he was not a "real" cowboy but just the fact that he was
there made me feel good.  I didn't talk to many people but trust me when I
say that I wanted to.
     You can learn so much about people just from watching them.  When you
see a frustrated mother dragging her child across a crowed room by her hair
you can be almost certain that she will not be up for any parenting awards
in the near future.  Or a young woman in a tight mini skirt putting on the
reddest lipstick I had ever seen was not just looking for a ride.
Actually, perhaps that is exactly what she was hoping to find.  One angry
woman slapped her husband right in the face and he quickly responded by
laying her flat out on the floor with his fist.  Although the woman had
really pushed the limits I was not sorry to see the police take him away in
cuffs.  In my mind I still had visions of her bailing him out of jail in
the morning and telling him that she was really sorry she had made him mad.
Isn't it funny how all the weird things you see stand out in your memory.
I know I don't remember meeting many "normal" people or at least they have
been lost from my memory forever.
     Back on the bus the hours turned into days and the days turned into
almost a week before I was on the last leg of my journey.  I know I make it
sound like I was the first man trying to reach some desolate place in the
arctic somewhere but for some reason I really felt that I was special.  The
people around me with their families or partners and me on my way to find
my true love.  Perhaps many of the people would have thought that I was by
far the strangest specimen that they had come across so I kept my dilemma
to myself for most of the trip.  I did finally break down and tell one
older woman who I will refer to as Grandma.  She just had a face on her
that gave me no choice but to trust her.  She never even blinked when I
told her.  Now that I think about it maybe she was just to shocked to
respond.  After the initial revelation sunk in she became very supportive
of me.  She wanted to know every detail about Kevin and what it was that
made me love him so much.  I am sure by the time she left me she was
convinced I was crazy but she would get a tear in her eye every time I said
I loved him.
     "I can remember being young and in love," she would say to me.  "Go
and make him yours and never let him go."
     For an old lady she really knew what life was all about.  Although she
never admitted it I cannot help but wonder if she herself had not once been
in love with someone of the same sex or perhaps had a gay son of her own.
If I could see her now I would thank her and tell her that she, more than
anything else, kept me sane on that trip.  If you read this Grandma, thank
you!
     The last hour of the trip was by far the longest part of all.  Every
fear or doubt that I had ever had about Kevin came back to me in floods.  I
would smile one minute and be close to tears the next.  All the fears I had
seem so silly to me now but I remember them very well.  "Am I too fat?
Should I have gotten that damn haircut before I left?  What if he hates me?
Will all that road food make my skin break out?"
     Even as a child I used to wonder what it would be like to live in
Maine.  When I finished undergraduate school I considered getting my
masters degree at the University of Southern Maine.  I think it was because
it was the farthest place I could think of from Montana.  As the bus drove
up interstate ninety-five through Portland I was surprised how small it
was.  In my mind I thought Portland was going to be some big city.  The
landscape of Maine reminded me a lot of Montana just without the big
mountains.  It almost felt like I was just a few miles from home instead of
clear across the United States.
     I had seen pictures of Kevin so I knew what to expect when I got to
Bangor and I knew what he drove so I was looking for him everywhere when I
finally reached my destination.  I had made arrangements for him to pick me
up at the Greyhound station in Bangor Maine.  I saw him sitting in his rust
colored tuck in the parking lot.  He got out when he saw the bus coming and
joined the crowd of people waiting to greet their friends and family.
Although the excitement that I felt leaves the whole scene a bit of a blur
in my mind I remember well getting off the bus and feeling his arms around
me for the first time.  Kevin says now that that was the point that he know
he could never live without me.  I just held him for a long time almost
afraid to let go as if it was all some wonderful dream that would end if I
did.  We both fought back tears as he leaned over and whispered in my ear,
"you're cute."  Even now as I write it I have to smile.  All the silly fears
I had left me at that moment because I was with Kevin and he was everything
and more then I had hoped he would be.
     Kevin's family was all very interested in meeting me so plans were
made for dinner at a nice seafood place.  Being from Montana this was a
really new experience for me. I truly enjoyed my first seafood experience
as Kevin practically sat in my lap the entire time.  He held my hand under
the table or kept his hand on my knee.  He sat close to me that I could
smell him and it was driving me really crazy inside.  I wanted to crawl
under the table and take him right there but it didn't seem like the thing
to do with his mom and sister sitting across from us.  We spent several
hours with Kevin's family just talking and getting to know each other.  I
am not afraid to admit now that I was nervous as hell but apparently I made
a good first impression, or so Kevin's mom told me later.  After dinner
pictures were taken of the two of us and we said our goodbyes to mom and
sister.
     We made plans to stay at a local Days Inn that night and start the
long drive back to Montana in the morning.  After almost a week on the bus
I was really dreading the thought of getting right back on the road.  My
stomach was all in knots inside as I began to prepare myself emotionally
for my first night with Kevin.  We laid on the bed together talking for a
long time before he finally found the nerve to kiss me.  That first kiss
was a very memorable experience. I am not afraid to say it now but Kevin's
was the first kiss I had ever had from a man.  I remember my mind swirling
with so many thoughts and ideas when his lips first met mine.  I still
could not believe I was laying next to my dream man.  I can remember
thinking to myself when I first started admitting I was gay that I could
never enjoy kissing another man.  That idea left me at that moment and has
never returned again.
     I had waited so long for that moment but inside I was still scared for
some reason.  I guess perhaps it is the whole performance issue.  Man, as I
think back I realize how totally foolish so many of my ideas and fears
were.
     I let my hands explore Kevin's body some as he lay there next to me.
He was solid and muscular.  Kevin is six inches taller than I am so I had
to look up to kiss him.  I buried my face in his chest hair and his scent
made me wild.  My mind was screaming "I want you so bad" but my dick was
not being very cooperative.  I had built the whole scene up in my mind so
much and was so paranoid about making it the best experience he had ever
had that I almost psyched myself out to the point that it was not going to
happen at all.
     "I am really nervous Kevin.  I don't know what's wrong," I said to
him.
     "I understand Doug.  I am really nervous too.  I love you so much.  I
still cannot believe you are here," Kevin said.
     Kevin and I had some in-depth conversations about sex and what we both
expected from it.  I knew before I even met him that Kevin was not very
versatile.  He was basically a total top and my personal preferences seemed
to match his really well.  It was a good thing that Kevin took control of
the sex that night because his own dick had no trouble rising to the
occasion.  He laid across me and I could feel his hard dick pressing
against my leg as he kissed me all over my face and chest.  I spread my
legs wide so that I could feel his weight against my crotch.  Kevin is the
master for sure when it comes to sex and making someone feel special.  The
words he whispered to me and the way he touched me helped me release my
fear and just totally get into the moment.  It didn't take long before I
was hard and ready for what ever happened next.
     Kevin stood up next to the bed and I could see what appeared to be the
biggest penis I had ever seen pressed against the zipper of his jeans.  I
could not take my eyes off it as he unbuttoned and unzipped his pants.
When his cock was finally free it sprung out from his body and I was
shocked.  I had never really been insecure about the size of my own dick
but I know he had be beat by probably 3 inches.  The first thought that
went through my mind was that I would never be able to take him inside me.
     We both removed our clothes and held each other in the nude touching
and exploring each others bodies.  Kevin moved his face down between my
legs and took my dick into his mouth.  No offense to anyone that had ever
tried to please me orally before but you were all forgotten at that very
moment.  Kevin has a remarkable skill to say the least.  I laid there and
moaned and ran my fingers through his hair as he moved his mouth up and
down on my shaft.  I watched my cock slide in and out of his mouth faster
and deeper with each stroke.
     Kevin moved both his hands to my ass and pulled me into his mouth as
far as I could go.  His tongue swirled the head of my penis and then he
would plunge back down on me again.  With one hand on the back of his head
and one at the base of my cock I started thrusting into his mouth as hard
as I could.  As I look back I don't think I ever even made him gag but god
I sure tried.
     Kevin finally released my dick and laid on his back.  I wasted no time
licking my way down his hairy chest toward his waiting cock.  My hands
massaged his balls as I savored every moment with him.  When I finally slid
his cock into my mouth the air rushed out of him in a moan that I will
never forget.  I have always had a lot of confidence in my own ability as a
cock sucker and I was prepared to give him a really memorable experience.
     My tongue swirled around the head of his cock as I slid him in and out
of my mouth.  I have always thought that key to a good blowjob was lots of
tongue action and I kept that in mind as I worked him over.  I already made
reference to Kevin's rather large penis but I have to say again that I
could only manage to take half of the shaft into my mouth at a time.
     I continued to work my mouth on him and use my tongue without ever
letting his cock leave my mouth.  I would slide my tongue down his shaft
and suck his balls into my mouth and then work my tongue on the sensitive
area just above his hole.  Each time I put his cock back in my mouth I was
rewarded with the same moan of ecstasy that he would make.  I never wanted
it to end.  I could have left this world at that moment and been happy.
     "I want to be inside you Doug," Kevin whispered to me.
     I guess I knew that that moment was going to come but a big part of me
was really dreading it.  I had only ever let one other guy take me that way
and I kept thinking about how bad he had hurt me and he was at best half
Kevin's size.  It takes a remarkable amount of trust to be staring that
dick in the face and realize it is about to be put in your ass.
     Kevin and I had decided that we were only going to practice safe sex
until we were both given a clean bill of health.  I watched him stretch a
large condom over his cock stretching it almost to the point of breaking
just to make it fit him.  At this point my dick was cooperating really well
but my mind kept telling me that I would never be able to do it.
     I laid on my back with my legs on his shoulders because I wanted to
look into his eyes when he took me for the first time.  I felt the head of
his massive cock press against me and I did my best to relax and let him
inside.  I can remember the pressure I felt when he first entered me but he
worked my ass with suck patience and expertise that I hardly felt pain at
all.  He pushed into me, eased out some and then pushed into me some more.
He was so passionate and patient with me and he asked me over and over if I
was okay.  When I finally felt his balls resting against my ass I could not
believe I had taken the entire thing.  Once I realized I could take it I
wanted it so bad.  I bucked under him and told him to give it to me harder.
     Kevin's lubed cock slid in and out of me slamming his balls against my
ass with each thrust.  I grabbed his ass with both hands and drove him into
me harder and faster with each stroke.  His cock hit my prostrate with each
thrust gliding past it and giving me more pleasure then I had ever had
before.
     I had not touched my own cock and already felt myself moving toward
orgasm.  I didn't want to come too soon before he did but the intense
pleasure was so much more then I could take.
     "Kevin, I am so close."
     "I want you to come for me Doug," he said to me.
     "Oh god, Fuck me harder,"
     Kevin slammed into me as hard as he could and I felt the cum shoot
onto my stomach.  Wave after wave of cum left my body as he continued to
fuck my ass.  He pounded into me in short thrust fucking the cum from my
body.
     He never missed a stroke.  His cock slid in and out of my ass even
faster still.  I grabbed my cock and stroked it and watched the pleasure on
his face as he took my ass.  I knew that Kevin had to be getting close to
shooting his own load and I was looking forward to hearing and seeing him
experience release.
     Kevin continued to fuck me hard, his own orgasm seeming to out of
reach.  I felt myself moving quickly to a second orgasm and I stroked my
cock faster as he pounded harder.
     "Your going to make me cum again," I moaned.
     "I am really close too Doug," he said.
     Kevin drove into me in long deliberate strokes.  Our moans drown out
the others as we moved closer to the goal.  I looked into his face and he
was consumed with ecstacy and I felt the most intense love of my life.
When our orgasms finally came they came together as he pushed into me one
last time.  His back arched and he let out an unbelievable moan as I felt
his cock pulse inside me to expel his cum.  Kevin collapsed across me and
our sweat mixed between us.  I could feel his hot breath against my neck
and I was filled with an unbelievably sense of release and peace.
     I fell asleep in Kevin's arms that night.  I won't claim to have slept
well but it was by far the greatest experience that I have ever had in my
life.  All the months that I dreamed about him and longed for him and yeah,
even jerked off thinking about him and at last I was in his arms.  I felt
his breath against the back of my head all night as he rested.  I knew that
morning would come all too soon and we would begin our journey back to
Montana together.
     We woke up early, packed up our things, and locked them into the back
of Kevin's truck.  Most of Kevin's worldly possessions were pack away and
ready for the trip.  I can remember still feeling numb and a little sore
for the night before but probably more excited then I have ever been.
     Kevin wanted to see his sister again before we left and buy a boom box
for the trip because the radio in his truck didn't work.  We spent about an
hour with his sister, who lived about one block from Stephen King's house,
then hit Walmart and then hit the road.  At that point I had no idea the
long journey that was ahead of us both.  We decided that we would just take
turns driving and sleeping and we would not stop if we didn't have to.  I
guess we all know how well laid plans are.  Talk is so very cheap.  I think
we drove a total of 6 hours on the first day and we were both so tired we
could not go on.  Now that I think about it we were both really horny too.
We spent the first night in the worst motel I have even seen in my life in
a small town just outside Albany, New York.
     My mom has always been very supportive of me and understanding of my
sexuality.  We would often joked about guys with big dicks saying that they
drove big trucks.  I called mom from the hotel room that night to let her
know that I was fine and the trip was going well.  She asked me what I
thought of Kevin and I told her that I thought he was the greatest man I
have ever known and that he drives an eighteen wheeler.  Mom laughed and
said, "bring that boy home son."
     I knew when I left Montana that I was in love with Kevin but it was
that first night on the road that I realized just how deep the feeling
really were.  When I looked into his eyes I was looking into his very soul
and I knew at that moment that I would love him forever.  I remember the
way he touched me and how it felt and the way he whispered in my ear and
told me how much he cared for me and loved me.  It was the most intense
feeling I had felt so far in life.
     "One day down Doug.  How many do you think we have left?"
     "I am sure there are more days left then we even care to count right
now Kevin but I am just glad to be with you.  I still can't believe we're
together."
     "I love you so much Doug.  I have waited for you for my entire life."
     We laid down on the bed together so that we could hold each other.  He
still gets to me the same way today when he touches me.  His lips met mine
and he kissed me so softly.  The shock of actually being next to him was
starting to wear off and I felt my body begin to relax in his arms.  I
rolled him onto his back and laid on top of him so I could kiss him.  I
held his arms above his head as I kissed his neck and chest.
     "I want you to fuck me tonight Doug," Kevin said to me.
     "Really?  You don't have to do this if you don't want to."
     "No, I really want you inside me Doug."
     I kissed my way down Kevin's chest until my face was just above his
cock.  I let his pubic hair brush against my chin and inhaled the musky man
smell of his crotch.  I moved down past his cock and pushed his legs back
to expose this hole.  My tongue flicked against it slowly as I licked up
and down the crack of his ass.  The soft moans that came from him made me
wild and I worked faster and harder on his ass.  His hands found their way
to the back of my head and he pushed my face into him as he ground his ass
against my face.
     "I want you inside me so bad Doug.  Will you please fuck me now!"
     I pushed Kevin's legs back and put them over my shoulders.  My cock
was poised at the opening and I pushed into him.  I could tell by the look
on his face that he was not used to being the bottom.  Perhaps I was to
aggressive but I knew that I was hurting him.
     "Take it out Doug you are really hurting me."
     "I'm sorry Kevin," I said as I pulled out of him.
     I was sure my chance was over but after he rested for a minute he was
ready to try again.  This time I moved into him much slower then I had
before and I could feel him relax to let me inside.  When I finally broke
through the tight outer ring I could not believe how tight he was.  His ass
squeezed so tight on me that it was almost to the verge of pain but it felt
so good at the same time.  I slowly moved in and out of him to give him a
chance to get used to my cock.
     "God that feels good!  Do it faster now."
     He did not have to ask me twice.  I worked his ass harder and faster
feeling my balls hit his ass with every stroke.  I pushed his legs back
farther so I could kiss him while I fucked his ass.  Now the moment came
when I looked into his soul.  I stared into his eyes as I fucked his ass
and the look of total pleasure and pain on his face drew me into him in a
way that I cannot explain.  It was at that moment that I realized that I
could never live without this man.  We continued to look into each others
eyes as I felt his cum hit my stomach and my own cum emptied inside him.  I
laid on him and tried to catch my breath.  His arms were around me and he
told me in my ear again how much he loved me.
     "I have spent my whole life looking for you Doug.  You still consume
me.  I am sure you always will."

		     *********************************

     We spent 4 long days on the road together.  I am sure that I will
always look back on that time as some of the greatest of my life.  We have
been together for a year and a half now and it has been great from the
start.  I thought that night in New York that sex could never be better,
but I was wrong.  I won't claim that it is fireworks every time we have
sex, but as we learn what each other likes, and learn each other's bodies
it only gets better.  I have learned that there is so much more to who we
are then just sex though.  Just being around him makes me happy.  I have
always been afraid to totally let go of myself but Kevin has captured my
soul in a way that no one has ever done before.  Sometimes I think that I
would be physically ill if I did not have him.  We have bought a beautiful
home here in Montana and we are both working great jobs.  Watching him
become part of my family, and how my kids have totally fallen in love with
him has meant more to me then I can even begin to describe.  He is truly
the greatest man I have ever known.
     Kevin, when you read this I want you to know that I love you more
today then I did then and it just keeps getting better.  You are so
wonderful with my children and I can tell that they love you so much.  I am
looking forward to a future with you and I am looking forward to it just
getting better.  I love you so much!!

Douglas E.
ded7@yahoo.com