Date: Wed, 08 Apr 1998 13:37:40 PDT
From: Lenny Leopold <leopoldl@hotmail.com>
Subject: Anthony -- Book III

Hello again...  Here is the next installment of the "Anthony" story.
As of this point, we have had an introduction of the two main
characters, Anthony and Lenny, and have read about Anthony's coming out
to himself.  The intro left open a question.  Why was Lenny so easy to
convince that he may be gay?  Well, this story should answer that
question.

You should all know, that this story is 100% Fantasy.  It is not a
Depiction of any actual event, and any resemblance to actual events or
people is a mere coincidence.

I wanted to thank all of you for your words of encouragement.  Letters
I've gotten from you have made me feel that I'm not all that bad at
writing, and makes me want to continue!  Please feel free to send me
email and please tell me what you like as well as what you don't like
in the stories...

I also want to add a word of thanks to one specific person who has helped
me in my efforts to be a more easily understood author.  This individual
has taken the time to review my work and make suggestions as to changes
I can make in my writing style.  I am certain that in the past couple of
chapters, my writing style has improved significantly, and hope you all
are enjoying it more.  Thanks D.Abby!

Thanks again!
Lenny           leopoldl@hotmail.com
ICQ:1801642

				  ANTHONY
				 Book Three
				Chapter One

I sat there listening to Anthony tell me his tale, and had a very
Nagging feeling come over me.  True, I was aroused at the detail at
which he talked about having sex.  But that wasn't it.  I was sure
there was something else.

I hugged Anthony and told him I really needed to think.  He gave me a
hug, and decided to take a shower.  While he was in the shower, I began
to think back on my childhood, and delve into some memories, that quite
honestly, I'd been hiding from for a very long time...

				   * * *

I was about 11 years old, and I'm spending the night at the home of my
very best friend in the entire world.  He was six months older than
I, blond haired, and he honestly was my idol.  We lived three houses away
from each other, and were basically inseparable from the time we were
six, when he moved in to the neighborhood.

We used to do EVERYTHING together.  We would play together, eat, go to
school, ride bikes, share secrets.  We liked the same kind of movies,
baseball teams, even the same toppings on our pizza.  Yes, since you
are thinking it, we bathed together regularly too.  It was during our
bathing this particular weekend, that our relationship changed.

We were in the tub, like usual, when Pete told me that since he was in
charge (he was older, so he was ALWAYS in charge) he was going to make
certain that I got clean for a change.  He grabbed the washcloth and
began to soap it up.  He instructed me to stand up, and walk over to
him.  Once there, he began to wash me, from head to toe with the soapy
washcloth.  He didn't linger on any specific part of my body, and it
actually felt good to have someone wash me.

When he finished with me, he told me to get into the water and rinse
off, which I did.  Then he told me it was my turn to wash him.  I
grabbed for the washcloth, but he kept it away from me, telling me to
do it with just my hands and the soap.  Well, he was in charge...

I grabbed the soap, and began to rub it all over his body.  Then I took
my hands and started rubbing the soap around on his skin.  When I got
down to his weenie, I just rubbed it a little and also his balls, and
then went to move on to his legs.  Pete looked at me and told me to rub
his weenie more, it felt good.  Like I said, I idolized him, so if he
wanted me to do something, I would do it, no questions asked.

Pete looked at me and said, "Rub my weenie more, it felt good."

Like I said, I idolized him, so if he wanted me to do something, I
would do it, no questions asked.  When I reached down for his weenie,
I noticed that it wasn't as small as it usually was, and it felt
harder.  I kept rubbing it and it got even bigger and harder, it must
have been a full 2" by then, and to me it appeared huge; after all we
were only 10 or 11.

As I rubbed him, his breathing became short, and he looked like he was
having trouble standing up.  I asked him if he was OK, and he just
said, don't stop!  After about 5 minutes of this, he moaned and I felt
his weenie get even harder, then it twitched in my hand.  After that it
started getting soft and tiny again, and Pete told me that I had done
enough, and he wanted to rinse off.  He rinsed off, and we got out of
the tub, but I was a little confused.

Later that night, we were in bed (same bed), and I asked Pete what
happened.  He told me that someone had told him about that and he
wanted to try it, it was called "jacking off".  I asked him what it
felt like, and he said, take off your underwear and I'll show you.

"Take off my underwear?  You must be joking!"

"Take it off, and I'll show you how it feels."

"But your Mom is in the next room!"

"Look, it's almost 11 o'clock, she is in bed by now, take off those
underwear!"

"OK."

I removed my underpants, and lay down on the bed in front of him stark
naked.  He snuggled up to me from behind, and I realized he was naked
too!  He reached around my waist and grabbed my little flaccid
weenie.  He began to rub it, and I was amazed that it started growing
and getting hard.  The more he rubbed it, the better it started to
feel!  I noticed that his weenie was getting hard too, and it was
touching the cheeks of my butt.  I was feeling so good by that point, I
really didn't care!  I just wanted these feelings to stay forever!

After a few minutes, I got a feeling like I had never had.  It felt
like I needed to pee, but I knew that I didn't.  It kept getting more
and more intense, and then finally, it was like the dam burst!  I got a
rush of feeling like my entire body was going to come out of my weenie!
Nothing did, of course. But that feeling is one I'll remember for the
rest of my life!

Pete and I jacked each other off for about six months, and then all of a
sudden, he stopped wanting to do it anymore.  He and I didn't discuss
it until almost two years later.

				   * * *

It was summer and we were at camp.  Pete was already 13, and I was
going to be 13 in about a week.  One of the counselors, Donny, and I
had become great friends.  He was about 17, and he was a mountain of a
man.  One night, Donny, woke me up, and told me that he needed me in
his room.  I told him that I needed to get some clothes on, because I
slept naked, I had ever since those days with Pete, in his bed, but
Donny said it was an emergency, and I should come to his room right
away, nobody would see me.

I went to Donny's room, and he closed and locked the door.  He told me
that he was in a real bind, and he knew I'd be able to help him out.
He picked me up and laid me down on the bed, and then tied my
hands and feet to the bed, spread out.  I was scared.  I asked him what
he was going to do.  He told me that he was going to do something that
he was sure I wanted.  I was scared and asked him to untie me but he
ignored me.  The next thing I knew was that Donny was pushing his dick
(which was huge) into my butt, and it hurt!

He was fucking me hard, and didn't use any lube, and I screamed!  A
minute later, I heard someone pounding on the door, and then the door
broke open.  Pete was standing there, and when he saw what Donny was
doing to me, he ran at Donny and planted his foot on the side of
Donny's head.  Donny toppled over, out cold.  I was crying because of
the pain, but mostly because I kind of liked what was being done to me!
Pete untied me, and helped me up.  He told me we had to get to the
infirmary, because I was bleeding back there pretty bad.  As he helped
me up, I was very embarrassed, because I looked down where
my dick was, and found that I had cum for the first time, while I was
being fucked.

Pete saw that, and started to cry.  We walked, both naked, to the
infirmary, and the Doctor took care of my butt.  Pete came back in with
some clothes for me, and told the Doctor that he didn't want to leave
me.  He told me then, that he figured out that I was probably gay way
back when we were 11, and he was scared that I would make him gay too.
That's why he stopped doing stuff with me.

He told me that he had learned since, that being gay is something that
happens at birth.  Nobody can change from gay to straight or straight
to gay just by being with someone who is the other way.  I hugged him,
and he stayed with me almost all the time for the next 3 days that I
was kept in the infirmary.

I was scared, because I had heard of all the things that happen to
Queers, and I didn't want to be one of them!  I started denying to
myself that I liked any of it.  Started thinking of ways to prove to
myself that I wasn't a stinking faggot.

My birthday came up, and everyone at the camp made a big deal about it.
Nobody was told why I was in the infirmary, and that suit me just fine!
I didn't want it getting out that I was a homo.  I started chasing
after all the girls at camp after getting out of the infirmary, and
this day, my birthday, I had gotten one of the girls behind one of the
bunk buildings, and we were making out.  She told me that since it was
my birthday, she would give me a present, and asked me if I wanted a
blowjob.  I said SURE!  She undid my belt, and lowered my zipper.

She pulled out my dick, which was hard, and all of about 4 inches long,
and started to suck on it.  I closed my eyes, and dreamed that it was
Pete.  In my mind, Pete was sucking on my dick, and I was loving it.  I
was just about to blow my wad, when we heard voices.  Pete and his
girlfriend were standing there, and smiling.  I came right then,
without any warning to the girl.  I came in her mouth, and she was
totally grossed out.  She stormed away, and I was left with my dick
sticking out of my pants.


				  ANTHONY
				 Book Three
				Chapter Two

For several years, I never even thought about being gay, and just went
from one bad relationship, to another with different girls.  Pete and I
spoke very infrequently, and I was feeling very down.  It seemed that
the only sex I was getting was by my own hand.  I guess I was about 17
or so at that point.

I got a call from Pete, and he asked me if I wanted to go on an
overnight fishing trip with him.  Of course, I said yes!  I was hoping
that Pete was trying to renew our friendship!  We packed up our stuff
and headed out for the mountains.

Pete and I talked about this and that on the way up there, nothing
being said about sex.  It seemed that every time the conversation 
started moving in that direction, Pete would shy away from it.  
We got to our destination, and Pete and I started to set up our
campsite.  We put up a large tent, that we would share, set up our
cooking fire, and basically gathered up what wood we would need.  We
ate our dinner, and Pete seemed to be unusually quiet.  After eating,
Pete said that we needed to get up early in the morning, to get on the
lake and fish, so he suggested we go to bed.

I couldn't think of any reason not to, so we went into the tent.  I
stripped, and started climbing into my sleeping bag, and noticed that
Pete was staring at me.  He stripped, and began to climb into his bag,
when he said something to me that shook my entire world.  Here is the
conversation, as I remember it...

"Lenny, we've been friends for more than 10 years, right?"

"Yea, sorta, why?"

"A few years ago, I told you that I knew you were gay, and I was scared
that you would make me gay."

"Yea, but you were wrong.  I'm not gay, as you found out later that
week, when I got that blowjob!  Then a few weeks later when we both
went under the bunks and fucked those twins!"

"Lenny, I was thinking about all that, and well, I was scared of you
because, I--I wanted YOU!"

"You WHAT?"

"I was scared because you and I were so close, and I loved you.  Every
time I've made love to a girl, I was thinking about it being me and you
making love.  Every time I got a blowjob, I dreamed it was you giving it 
to me.  Every time I fucked a girl, I dreamed it was your ass I was fucking.  
That's why Jennifer and I broke up, because I always liked fucking her ass, 
instead of her pussy!"

"You're telling me that it was YOU who were the fucking queer?  You
made me feel guilty all these years, and it wasn't me, but YOU!  Get
your fucking ass dressed, and take me home, RIGHT NOW!  And if you even
LOOK at me, I'll kill you!"

Well, Pete was in tears, and I was so pissed off!  We got dressed, and
packed the tent back up, and were on our way back home less than six
hours after we arrived.  I was thinking so much negative about Pete,
that I didn't even look inside myself at how I was truly feeling.  If I
had, my life would have been much different from then on.

				   * * *

We got home, and I stormed back to my own house, with a yell back to
Pete to NEVER talk to me again!  I was so upset at that point, that I
didn't even notice how much my best friend needed me at that point.  He
called me about an hour later, and I yelled at him that I didn't want
to talk to him.  He said that he needed to talk, to explain himself.  I
told him that there was nothing to explain.  I heard him sobbing on the 
phone, telling me that we could just forget it, and go on being friends.

I was appalled at the very notion.  He'd projected his condition onto me,
he had made me feel that I was somehow bad, wrong, a freak!  Now he wanted 
me to forget the whole thing?  That was something I couldn't do!  I told him
that I never wanted to speak to him again, and I wish I had never known him.

I heard him sobbing as I hung up the phone.  A few minutes later, I heard
his car start up and tear out of the driveway.  I remember thinking that if
he keeps driving like that, he was going to get into an accident, and I
actually felt sorry for him a little.  Wondering if I wasn't just a little
too hard on him.

An hour later, I heard some commotion outside and looked out the window.
There was a police car parked in Pete's driveway, and I began to get
nervous.  I walked over and saw Pete's mom crying on the cop's shoulder.  I
walked up and asked what had happened.  She grabbed me, and hugged me, and
wept into my ear that Pete was in an accident, and he died.  I was
devastated.  In my own mind, I had caused this, and I was to blame.  Had I
handled things differently, Pete would still be here.

The following Monday, I arrived at school, and opened my locker and found a
letter inside.  The letter was addressed to me, and had "Open only after
you forgive me" written on the outside.  It was from Pete.  I never opened
the letter.


                                                ANTHONY
                                              Book Three
                                            Chapter Three

I spent the next 2 years in therapy.  I accepted the fact that Pete had
acted foolishly and was driving much to fast.  It was taught to me that I
had nothing to do with his death.  It never came out about Pete supposedly
thinking that I was gay.  I spent the next 15 years denying to myself
that I was gay.  I couldn't be!  It was Pete's problem that he
projected onto me.

That still didn't change the fact that I couldn't relate to women.  I
never had a girlfriend for more than a month or so.  I had severe
trouble "Performing" in bed.  I had feelings at times, that I blocked,
and denied.  Feelings for men.

				   * * *

I was back in the present again, sitting in my bedroom, and Tony had
just turned off the water to the shower.  When he came into the bedroom, 
he looked at me, and obviously noticed the tears running down my cheeks.  
He ran over to me, and hugged me.  I cried.  I finally faced the fact 
that I knew all along that I was gay, and my own pride stopped me from 
acknowledging it.  Pride that ultimately cost my best friend in the entire 
world his life.

I told the entire story to Tony that afternoon, and when I was all
finished, he asked me if I still had the letter.  I did.  I don't know
what made me keep it, or why I could always put my hands on it.  Even
during the therapy sessions, I didn't ever open it, nor did the
Doctor's ask me to.  It was something I could never part with.

Anthony told me that I needed to know what it said, and offered to open
it and read it to me.  I didn't know what to say.  Here is a boy who I
was supposed to be mentoring, and he was offering to help me through a
crisis of my own making, even if I made it some 15 years prior.  I got
the letter, and gave it to Tony.

He opened the letter, unfolded the paper, and began to read...

Lenny:

I am writing this letter to you to let you know that I love you with
all my heart and soul.  I can understand you being upset with me, but
you need to hear my side of this.

At first, I was very angry at you.  You seemed to know that you liked boys
better than girls, and I was feeling then much as I think you are feeling
now.  When that bastard back when we were 13 did that to you, I didn't even
want to associate with anyone who did stuff with other guys.  I was so
happy to find you that night getting your first blowjob.  It meant that we
could still be friends.

Over the years since, we have both had our share of girls, and I could feel
that for me, something wasn't right.  Knowing you as well as I do, I could
tell that you weren't really happy either.

I've been reading a lot over the past couple months, and accepted the fact
that I am gay a couple weeks ago.  Everything that pointed at it to me, I
also saw in you, and was banking on the fact that our long standing
friendship would hold things together while we discussed it and maybe
figured it out once and for all.

I assume it's a couple weeks since I wrote this before you're reading it.
If so, call me and we'll talk.  We don't have to do anything, just talk.
I do love you, and there is nothing I can do to change that, I just hope
that there is a little of that love in you for me.  Afterall, we have been
best friends for a very long time.

Lenny, Please Call Me!!!

Pete

				   * * *

Tony finished reading, folded the letter neatly and placed it back into the
envelope.  He looked at the front of the envelope, and showed it to me.  I
looked at him, and with a tear in my eye, I said, "Pete, sorry it took me
so long, but, I forgive you".  Tony laid down on the bed, with his head in
my lap, and we both cried.  Me for the loss of my first true love.  Tony
because he understood why.

                                        End Book 3


Sorry that this story was so depressing, and not all that much action.
Unfortunately, I needed to get that part of the story told.  It will
open the way for much more in the future.  But now, we know about
Lenny.

Since I started writing this book, I've had a couple major events in my
life, between moving and changing jobs, I haven't had enough time to write
as much as I would have liked to.  Things are settling down now, and I hope
to get into a more normal schedule.

I'll have Book 4 out soon, and I promise it will be more upbeat!

Until then....Lenny
ICQ:1801642