Date: Fri, 7 Feb 2014 22:45:56 -0800 (PST)
From: bryan wilson <wilson81abc@yahoo.com>
Subject: betting-on-love-and-life-18

This story is a work of fiction involving sex between consenting adult
males. If this disturbs you than leave now. I have no knowledge of the
sexual identity of anyone mentioned in this story, including any
celebrities. This is my original story, please do not copy duplicate or
repost anywhere without my express written permission. This is my first
attempt at writing all comments are welcome and will be answered.
wilson81abc@yahoo.com

I want to thank Jeansguy and Mark for all their hard work proofreading and
editing for me.

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========================================

Part 17

 I was startled when I heard the front door open, I turned to see who was
coming out and Sean was standing there, his face fallen and white as could
be. I knew what happened and I jumped up out of my seat.


" I know Sean. " I wrapped my arms around him as he collapsed into
me. Sean's entire body shook as the tears cascaded down his face. I knew
that he now felt completely alone, but I hoped that he would realize that
he would always have me if he choose to. He had Jack to raise now on his
own, although I was sure that was the farthest from his mind.

Sean suddenly stood up, " No, NO, this can't be happening; I can't lose
someone else. "


==========================
Chapter 18


I put my hands on Sean's shoulder, " Strong and Calm Sean. "


Sean looked into my eyes and I could see the fears and pressures that were
building up inside of him. The fear of raising a child that had suddenly
been pushed upon him, realizing that Mary was gone and no longer there to
be his support. I was afraid I was going to lose him as he was sinking fast
into the darkness. I reached in my pocket and pushed my emergency button, I
knew Kyle would be there in less than a minute. I eased Sean from in front
of the door so Kyle would not knock him over as he rushed out. Just as I
moved Sean out of the way Kyle came running out of the door, talking into
his communicator and holding his gun. I nodded toward the gun and shook my
head letting him know he did not need it, " Kyle, please call Dr. Chase and
tell him we need him now. "


I pulled Sean over to the bench on the porch and forced him to sit down and
I sat down next to him. I put my arm around him and let his head rest on my
chest, he put his arms around my waist and held me tight. What do I say to
Sean? I have never lost a sibling, let alone be responsible for a nephew. I
knew Sean could handle this, but he was going to need lots of help. As I
sat there holding Sean and thinking about all that would need to be done, I
heard a car coming up the driveway and knew it had to be Dr. Chase. When he
pulled up in front of the house Sean jumped up from his seat and watched
Dr. Chase as he walked up on the porch.


" She is gone, Doc. " Sean whispered.


" I'm so sorry Sean, I wish that I could have done more to help her. Please
excuse me while I step inside and make some calls, I will be right back
out. "


Dr. Chase went in the house and Sean looked at me, " I don't know what to
do now Jerry. "


" Let Dr. Chase finish up inside and he'll come back out and tell us what
we need to do and then we can take it from there. This is going to be hard
on you Sean and if at anytime you do not understand something please
ask. You might not remember what you are told but it will make things
easier to understand later. "


" How in the hell am I going to tell Jack? "


" You will be strong for him and you'll tell him that you will be here for
him just like his mother wanted you to be. "


" You're right Jerry, I am all he has left now. I will be there for him. "


Sean took a deep breath and sat up right as if he found the strength and
courage to move forward in this difficult time. We waited a few minutes and
Dr. Chase came back out of the house.


" I have made all the calls I needed to make Sean, I need to know what
funeral home you will be using. "


Sean sat there for a moment and then gave Dr. Chase the name of the funeral
home he wanted to use and Dr Chase stepped back in the house.


I took Sean's hand, " Would you like something to drink? "


" No thanks Jerry. What time is it though? "


" It is 4 in the morning. " I did not realize how late or early it was
getting already. " I'm going to go in and make some fresh coffee and bring
us both a cup. I think we need something to keep us going. "


I walked in the house and Kyle came walking out of the living room, " Kyle,
can you please go out and sit with Sean while I make some coffee? "


" I sure can Jerry, I wanted to remind you that Miss Nance will be here
this afternoon. If you like, I can call her and reschedule the interview. "


I stopped in my tracks and sighed, forgetting I messed this all up
yesterday when I left the house. " Just call her and ask her if she can
start the job on Monday. Then get her in here tomorrow to complete her
paperwork and I will speak with her then. "


" I'll get that handled Jerry. Everything else I handle unless it needs
your direct attention till next week. "


" Thank you Kyle. "


I went into the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee and went to Dad's
door and knocked. I slowly opened the door as Dad sat up in bed, " What is
wrong son? " He asked in a groggy voice.


" I am sorry to wake you Dad, but Mary has passed and I was wondering if
you could help me. "


Dad jumped out of bed and grabbed his robe, " I am sorry son, I can help
with anything you need. "


" Thanks Dad, but I think Sean is the one that is going to need the
help. He has to tell Jack and I was wondering if you might think of a way
for him to break the news to him."


" I will give it some thought son, I'm sure that Sean will be able to do
well. He is a strong willed young man. "


" I'll let you get dressed Dad, I am going to take some coffee out to Sean
on the porch. "


" I will be out as soon as I am decent son. "


I poured two cups of coffee and headed towards the front door, Dr. Chase
was standing in the foyer. " I'm almost done here Jerry, the funeral home
should be here soon. "


" Thank you Dr. Chase, I will get Sean in the house before they get here. I
don't think he needs to see them take her out. "


" Most likely a good idea Jerry. You might want to ask him if he wants to
come in and see her before they get here. "


" I will ask him Dr. Chase, there is fresh coffee in the kitchen if you
would like any. "


I stepped out the door onto the porch and walked over and sat next to Sean
and handed him a cup of coffee, " I have a question for you Sean. "


" What is that Jerry? "


" Dr. Chase is done and the funeral home will be here soon to take Mary,
would you like to see her before they get here? "


" I think I would like to say goodbye to her Jerry. "


" That is not problem Sean. " I walked Sean back in the house and slowly
took him into the den. He tensed as I opened the door, I put my hand on his
shoulder and gave it a squeeze.


" Can you give Sean a moment with Mary? " I asked Charlotte and Dr. Chase.


They silently made their way out of the den and I turned to follow them
when Sean pulled my hand, " Please stay Jerry. "


I turned and walked over to the bed with Sean, holding his hand to give him
as much support as I could.


Sean let go of my hand as he knelt next to the bed, he gently took Mary's
hand into his. " Mary, I will miss you more than anyone could imagine. But
I think a guardian angel has been watching over us and brought Jerry into
our life for a reason. I want you to rest knowing that we will take care of
Jack and will always be there for him. Tell Mom and Dad I miss them and
will see them someday. "


Sean kissed Mary's hand and placed it back on his chest. He stood up and
kissed he forehead and turned to walk out of the room leaving me there. I
looked at Mary and she looked at ease for the first time since I met them
in Vegas. The worry that was always present in her eyes was gone, her
battles with this world over.


" Goodbye Mary, I wish I could have had more time with you but that was not
to be. I will always remember your sweet caring nature. " I bent down and
kissed her forehead.


I walked out of the den and closed the door and leaned against it and let
out a sigh. I pulled myself back from the dark as Dad came walking out of
the kitchen.


" Are you alright son? "


" Yes Dad, it's just that I wanted so much more time with her. "


" We all did son, she deserved that time with her son most of all. But you
know more than most that life is seldom ever fair. " Dad put his arm around
my shoulder and ushered me out on the porch.


Kyle was sitting next to Sean and they were talking, it made my mood
lighten a little to see that he had become friend with Sean. I knew that
what Sean needed more than anything were friends to help him deal with his
pain.


Dad took the last seat and I stood and listened as Sean talked about Mary
and the happy times that they once had but had been ripped from their
lives. I watched as Dad being his usual behind the scenes supporter, kept
Sean focused on those happy memories coming from Sean. As I stood there
listening to the stories I didn't even hear the car from the funeral home
pull up the driveway. I was startled actually when they stopped in front of
the house and I saw the fear in Sean's eyes.


" Come with me Sean. " I pulled him from his seat and led him around the
house to the backyard. We walked around the yard and I stopped under the
big oak tree, " We need to come up with a plan for telling Jack when he
wakes up this morning. "


Sean just stood there looking into the dark of the early morning, looking
for answers that would not appear to him or anyone looking for those
answers.


" I think after he has breakfast I will bring him out here to play, and try
to steer the talk to his Mom and break the news to him. I know it is going
to be hard for us both, but I just do not want to come right out and say it
to him. "


" I think that is a good idea Sean, if you need any help Dad, Kyle and I
are always here to help. "


Sean looked up at me with a sort of questioning look, " Your Dad would be
willing to help? "


" Of course he would Sean, he has always been there to help me and support
me when I had troubles in my life. Not to mention to help me celebrate when
I have good times in my life. "


" I'm sorry Jerry, I forget that Dad's are suppose to be that way. It has
been a long time for me since my Dad has been gone. "


Sean's head dropped in sorrow from bringing up his father. I often wonder
how differently he would have turned out if his father had not been killed
when he was a child.


" Don't worry about it Sean, I know some of this is new to you. Hell, it's
even new to me, I have not had a child in the house in years. My brothers
did not visit much so if I wanted to see them, I went to their house. "


Sean put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes, " For a man
who had so much to deal with in his life, you are a very kind and caring
man Jerry. " Sean leaned down and kissed me with a love I had never felt in
my life, even after all the years with Brad.


I gasped in a breath after the kiss, " Sean I may have a lot to deal with
in my life, but I'm never too busy for family. I care more for my family
than anything else I have in this world. "


I looked up and the sun was beginning to lighten the morning sky, the
terrible events of the night were being chased away by it's warm inviting
light. I took Sean's hand, " How about we take a walk out to the back line?
"


Sean looked at the house and I could see the nervousness in his eyes as he
debated on taking the walk. I was hoping to help him clear his mind before
Jack got up and he had to talk with him.


" I will let everyone know where we are and we won't be gone long, I just
wanted you to step away and catch your breath before the morning events
took over. "


" You're right Jerry, I think that would be a good idea. "


" Let me tell Dad and we will head out to the ridge. " I walked in the
house and told Dad and Kyle where we were headed and not to mention
anything to Jack if he woke before we returned.


" Okay Sean, lets head out. "


We walked along the path heading back towards the ridge, I held Sean's hand
as he walked silently his mind on details that would consume his thoughts
for the coming days. We walked for about 15 minutes when the path opened
into a field and we neared the ridge. The sun was just coming up over the
horizon and the colors in the sky were amazing this morning. Sean stared
out on the view and I notice a tear roll down his cheek. We stood and
watched as the sun started it's slow rise into the sky.


" I'm really beginning to think I need to build a house back here to enjoy
this view more often. " I broke the silence between us.


" I think that would be a spectacular sight every morning Jerry. "


" We had better head back to the house, I don't want Jack to wake up while
we are gone. "


Sean nodded and we turned and headed back towards the house, Sean took my
hand and for the first time in hours, smiled at me. My mind grasped onto
the belief that Sean was going to be fine.


Before I knew it we were back at the house and settled in at the kitchen
table with Dad and Kyle. Kyle handed me a piece of paper and I opened it
and read it, there was a message from the funeral home that they would call
at 10 this morning.


" Thank you Kyle. " I turned to Sean, " You have a call at 10 this morning
from the funeral home, so we need to get breakfast done so you are ready
when they call. "


" What does everyone want to eat this morning? " Sean asked.


" I was thinking something easy, how about pancakes and bacon? "


" Sounds good to me, I'll get the bacon started if you mix up the pancakes
Jerry. Yours taste better than mine. " Sean jumped up and headed to the
fridge and pulled out what he needed.


I gathered everything I needed and was standing next to Sean, " I have Miss
Nance coming in today to finish her paperwork and get her ready to start. "


" You don't have to hire a housekeeper because of Jack and I, I can take
care of us both, and we do have the house to go back to. "


" I'm not hiring her just because of you and Jack and if you want to go
back to your house that is up to you. But you are more than welcome to stay
here as long as you want. " I forced the last of that out of my mouth as
the guilt and fear of Sean saying that was taking control of my mind.


" I think we have invaded your home enough as it is Jerry, I don't want to
take any more advantage of you than we already have. "


I stood there as the muscles in my entire body tensed, anymore tense and I
think I would have snapped in half. Why the sudden change in Sean wanting
to go back to their house? I finished mixing up the pancakes in silence my
mind running through the change in Sean.


" I think you might want to go get Jack out of bed, everything is almost
ready. " I looked at Sean putting a smile in my face, and not having much
success.


" I will be right back. " Sean went to Jack's room as I started placing
things on the table.


Dad was watching me as I placed the food on the table when I finished I
took a seat across from Dad.


" Don't read too much into it son. "


" Into what Dad? " I asked but knowing what he meant.


" You know exactly what I'm talking about son, just give him some time. "


" I know Dad. " My head dropped as I studied the top of the table, looking
for answers and none to be found.


A few minutes later Sean and Jack came out of his room, Jack the ever
morning kid was bouncing across the floor as he crawled up into a chair.


" Good morning Jack. " I said as I smiled at him.


" Morning Jerry. " Jack got out before he started staring at the pancakes
on the table.


Sean sat down and started fixing a plate for Jack, I got up and poured
myself another cup of coffee and got a glass of juice for Jack. I handed
Jack his glass of orange juice and headed out the back door with my coffee.


Dad walked out the door and sat down next to me on the bench. " You are
over thinking this son. He just lost his sister and now has a small child
he is responsible for, give him some time to figure out how he is going to
handle his new life. "


" I know you're right Dad, but it just hurt when he said that out of the
blue. "


" I'm sure it did, but just give him some time to get his plans in order
and sort out his life. "


I sighed, I knew Dad was right. " I guess I can use this time to get mine
in order too, since it has fallen apart the last couple of weeks. "


" Well, if that is where we are going with this I think I should figure out
just where I stand with my life also. " Dad smiled and got up and went back
in the house.


I sat there thinking over Dad's words, and dealing with Mom. I guess I
would have to figure out where I stood with her. Maybe it would be a good
idea to get her and my brothers together and deal with them all at once. I
think in a couple weeks that would be a good plan, maybe a long weekend to
start the summer off with. As I sat there deep in thought I heard the
backdoor open, I didn't turn to see who came out but soon Jack ran by me on
his way to play with his trucks and Sean was behind him. I watched as Jack
an Sean played and I could see the worried look on Sean's face as he was
about to break the innocence of Jack's world with the news of his mother. I
saw Jack sit up straight and drop his truck and look at Sean, the tears
starting in his eyes. Sean grabbed him and wrapped his arms around him and
hugged him tight. I could hear the cries and screams as Jack learned about
his Mom. I could see the heartbreak in Sean's eyes as he held Jack, wanting
to
 take the news back, but knowing he couldn't take away the pain. I watched
them for a few minutes and as Jack's cries slowed and he pulled back from
Sean they began talking again. I walked over over towards them, " How are
you doing little man? " I asked Jack as I messed up the hair on top his
head.


Jack just sat there looking up at me with tears rolling down his face,
looking like he had more questions than answers but not knowing what to
ask. The confusion was wearing on him like a suit two sizes too small,
making him uncomfortable.


" Mommy's gone. " Jack said so quietly that I almost didn't hear him.


I bent down to look Jack in the eyes, " I know little man, but she loved
you so much. " A tear rolling down my face.


Jack hugged Sean a little tighter and Sean returned in kind, Sean looked up
at me and mouthed, ' Thank You. '


I nodded my head at Sean, " I need to go get freshened up, I'll be back in
a bit. "


I walked into the house and upstairs, the only thought crossing my mind was
Sean's new determination. What was the reason behind his sudden need to
move back to the house, it seemed there was something pushing him in that
direction but I could not see what it was. I stared at myself in the mirror
as I washed my face just wondering...



***Sean***



I watched Jerry head off for the house, there was something different about
him. He seemed colder and more withdrawn, his usual warm caring self
missing. I was sitting in the backyard talking to Jack about his Mom,
trying to answer all his questions about why she had to leave him and where
she went. Jerry's mood kept bouncing around in my mind, I knew he took
Mary's death hard but there was more to his mood than than. I kept running
the morning through my head in between answering Jack's questions, I froze
in the middle of one of Jack's questions.


" Ohh fuck! " I shouted out.


" That's a bad word uncle Sean. " Jack said looking at me with big eyes,
not believing what I said.


" I'm sorry Jack, I didn't mean that. I was thinking about something and I
just realized I may have said something to Jerry and it upset him. "


" What did you say Uncle Sean? " Jack asked with his child like
inquisition.


" I said something before I thought about what I was saying Jack, and I
think it came out wrong. I told Jerry that you and I would have to be going
home soon. "


" Why did you tell him that Uncle Sean, I like staying here. Jerry has a
lot of places to play outside. "


" Let's just say I was not thinking little man, I think I need to go talk
to him. Would you be okay if I found Mr. Martin and you sit with him for
awhile? "


" Sure, I like him. He talks to me like a grown up and plays like he is a
kid. " Jack smiled at me.


" Well, lets go see if we can find him and I can go talk to Jerry. "


I took Jack's hand and headed for the house to find Mr. Martin and Jerry. I
can't believe the one thing Jerry tried to press upon me in Vegas I forgot
and just shot off my mouth like a fool. Always think before you speak, it
wasn't a difficult concept but I guess my mind was busy and forgot. How
could I just tell him we were going to have to leave and not talk to him
first. We walked in the backdoor and he was not in the kitchen, I went in
the living room and he wasn't there either, I opened the front door and he
was sitting there talking on the phone. I stood there and smiled at him as
he told whoever he was talking to that he had to go.


" I'm sorry for bothering you Mr. Martin, but I was wondering if you could
keep an eye on Jack for a few minutes? I think I owe Jerry an apology and
an explanation. "


That's no problem Sean, I just love looking after Jack. You are right
though, Jerry did take it hard about what you said this morning. "


" He did? "


" Yes, I had a little talk with him earlier and you know him, he was over
thinking it as usual. "


" I knew it, I was just thinking about what happened this morning and I
knew something was wrong and trying to figure out what happened. Damn me
and my big mouth. "


" Sean, it has been a tough morning for you, I'm sure you were thinking
about yourself and Jack when you said that and I know Jerry will
understand. I have never stuck my nose into Jerry's personal life before
but I think you should know he really does care about you and Jack. "


" I know Mr. Martin. Jerry told me in Vegas to always think before I spoke
and the one time that it is the most important I don't.


" Go talk with him Sean, he will understand. "


" Thank you Mr. Martin I will. You be good for Mr. Martin now Jack, I will
be right back. "


" I will Uncle Sean. "


I went inside and headed upstairs, worried that I had ruined things with
Jerry. I still didn't believe I had said that to him, the man I owed so
much to for the help he has given us the last few weeks. I stood at the
door for a minute, took a deep breath and opened the door and walked
inside. Jerry was standing in front of the closet just staring inside, but
his eyes were not focused on the clothes as he seemed miles away.


" Jerry? Can I talk to you for a minute? " I reached out and touched his
shoulder.


Jerry jumped and turned around and finally saw me as I stood there.


" Shit Sean, I about jumped out of my skin. " Jerry smiled at me.


" I'm sorry Jerry, I thought you heard me come in since you were standing
here. Where were you and what were you thinking about? "


" What? Oh I was picking out a suit to wear and I just got lost in
thought. Hazard of the job sometimes. " Jerry tried to force a smile onto
his face but it didn't come.


I walked over to the closet and grabbed a suit, shirt and tie and laid them
on the bed.


" Can we talk while you get dressed? I screwed up and I need to explain to
you why I said that to you this morning. "


" Sure Sean, but I don't think you need to explain anything to me. I
understand you have Jack to consider now. "


" Please Jerry, let me say what I need to say. I messed up this morning and
I owe you more than an explanation and an apology. "


" I'm sorry Sean, go ahead. "


" You told me in Vegas to always think before I spoke, and this morning
that idea didn't even enter my mind. All I was thinking about was Mary and
Jack and I really messed things up with you. I never meant to hurt you
Jerry, that is the last thing I would ever want to do. "


Jerry took a deep breath and looked at me, " Sean, I need you to be sure
about what you want. I'm not going anywhere and if you need time to be at
home with Jack, I understand completely. "



" No Jerry, I want to be able to take back what I said this morning but I
know I can't. All I can ask is that you forget that I said it and let me
say what I meant. I was going on instinct and the plans that I had made
when Mary was first diagnosed. When I spoke this morning I fell back to my
plans. I was lost in myself and my pain and I gave no thought to you or
what pain you were going through, then I go and say what I said to you had
to rip your heart out. I want you to know that I am sorry for putting you
through that today. "


" I know you didn't say that to be mean Sean, but if you have plans that
you want follow through with than you need to do what is best in your
mind. "


" You have done so much for me Jerry and I am so grateful, I just don't
know if I can ask you to do any more. I can't be the person who just keeps
asking for help, and I know with the heart you have you couldn't say no. "


" You're right Sean, I do have a hard time saying no to someone I love, and
you telling me that you can't stay here because you're afraid you might
take advantage of that moves you deeper into my heart. "


I stepped over to Jerry, " I want to be there too Jerry, but I'm afraid of
hurting you. "


Jerry turned and looked at me and I could see the streaks of the tears that
had been falling down his face, " If it is time you need to work out your
life then I'm willing to wait Sean. If it is time to decide if you love me
or not then....." Jerry trailed off.


" How can I start a relationship with you and become the sole care taker of
Jack? It is not fair of me to ask you to put your life on hold while I put
mine in order. I can't do that to you Jerry. "


" If you need the time to be back home and settle into your new life with
Jack I want you to take the time Sean. I think after the funeral would be
better so you don't upset Jack with a move in the middle of this. Then in a
few months if you feel comfortable to see me again I will be a phone call
away. "


" God Jerry, I don't want to do that, but I think for Jack's sake it might
be better. I truly hope you won't hate me for this. "


" I could never hate you Sean, I wouldn't offer my help or friendship if I
hated you. "


" I'm really sorry to put you through all this today Jerry, I thought I
could handle Mary's death better than this and not hurt you at the same
time Jerry. "


" I think we better head downstairs, you have a call coming soon and I
don't want you a total wreck when it comes. "


I sighed and turned towards the door, " You're right Jerry, but damn, do
you have to always be so damn nice. "


I walked out the door and down the stairs and headed for the den, I needed
a moment to be alone and figure out why I hated myself for doing what I had
done.



***Jerry***


I stood there in the bedroom as Sean walked out the door, I could not
believe what he had said to me. I thought I was being a friend and helping
him during a terrible time, even though he has been there before. Was I
blind to his true feelings? Did I see more to him than was really there
because of all that was going on with Mary and my mother or my business?
How could I have been so wrong? Why was I questioning myself when I never
had before? I fell to the floor and did the one thing I hate to do the
most, even more then turning dark and hateful. I turned in on myself and
started examining all my choices as of late, not that I expected to find
any answers but maybe by questioning myself I could find my direction
again. I don't know how long I sat there as the torment I was putting
myself through made me lose track of time. The next thing I knew I heard my
name being called, as if from a great distance over and over again. Then I
I was being shaken as my
 name was repeated, " Jerry, Jerry are you alright? "


I finally gained enough of my senses as I was able to see Kyle looking at
me, from the concern in his eyes I knew I had been there too long.


" I'm fine Kyle, but I think I would be better If you could help me stand
up. "


Kyle stood and grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet. " I don't mean to
pry Jerry but I know you are not fine. "


" I just can't get anything past you can I Kyle? I may not be fine now but
I will be soon. I do have a few things I need to talk over with you though,
and I'm sure you are going to have to hold your tongue when I tell you what
they are. "


" When I first started working with you Jerry I may have questioned your
decisions to myself but I had never openly questioned you before and I
don't plan to start now. "


" We shall see Kyle, when I tell you what I need done you may do more than
question my motives, you may have me committed. I will start you off easy
Kyle, but please trust me when I tell you I have more than questioned
myself with what I am about to do and I don't think there is another way to
bring all the loose ends to a close that we have opened recently. "


" I will do anything you ask Jerry, you know that; but what the hell are
you planning? "


" I am only planning a defense for the plans that others have started. I
think they should become aware that I am not someone they ever want to
upset again. "


" I take it this has to do with the searches I am already conducting. "


" That and so much more Kyle, I think we are going to need a little more
help on this than we originally planned. When I get in the office I will
lay out what I have planned and who you need to contact, but before we ever
start down this road I have one thing I need handled and I need it done to
my exact orders and this will be done without question. "


" Anything Jerry, you know I don't question you especially when you are
being so direct. "


" I want a security team at the Austin home, I want it swept for bugs and I
want them ready to be on duty 24/7 and I don't want anyone to know they are
there. There can be no screw-ups about that. "


" Why do you need a team on their house 24/7 Jerry? "


" Sean and Jack will be going back their home after Mary's funeral and I
want to make sure that they are not in any danger until I can get the rest
of this plan implemented. "


" What happened Jerry? I thought they would be staying here. "


" I will fill you in later Kyle, I don't think I can go over it again right
now. " I turned and walked out the door and down the stairs, while trying
to hold the emotions in check and the tears starting.


I walked in the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee and headed back
to the office to get started on some of the plans I needed to finish and
get ready for Rachel to show up. Here I was hiring a housekeeper and now it
was just going to be me here at the house. I couldn't just tell her that
there wasn't a job anymore, I figured she would at least be some company in
the house I could talk to besides Kyle. I took my coffee and went to find
Sean, I knew he had to have talked to the funeral home by now. It must have
been when I was upstairs and lost in thought, but I had to see if he was
doing alright. Here he is wanting to leave and go back to his house and I'm
worried about him. I walked into the den and Sean was sitting next to the
bed where Mary once laid, his shoulders hanging low and his hand placed in
the middle of the bed. I wanted to walk up behind him and wrap my arms
around him bring him some comfort, but I just placed my hand on his
shoulder.
 " Are you alright Sean? "


Sean shot up out of the chair, " I'm fine Jerry. "


" Did you hear from the funeral home? "


" Yes, they called awhile ago and I have to be there at 2 this afternoon. "


" Would you like me to go with you? "


" Of course I want you to go with me. I'm really sorry Jerry, I pull away
from you one minute and the next I'm leaning on you. This is really not
fair to you. "


" Sean, you are going through so much now, don't worry about me, keep your
focus on yourself and Jack. "


Sean walked towards the door and turned, " I don't know how you can be so
kind to me Jerry, but I'm glad I met you. " Sean walked out of the den and
left me again feeling as if part of me walked out with him.


I walked out and back to my office, I needed to pull my mind away from
thinking about Sean, but how could I not think about him? I pulled out the
files that Mary had led me to and was looking over them again trying to
find a way to finish off my plans with the Senator. This was going to be a
major fight and one I could not lose, for the lives of Sean and Jack hung
in the balance. All that I have read and seen of the Senator, he would not
hesitate in getting rid of both of them to protect his political career. I
found what I was looking for and wrote out what and where I needed Kyle to
investigate, if he could find what I needed I could bring the Senator down
and keep Sean and Jack safe. I finished off what I had for Kyle and placed
them on his desk, I grabbed the file for Rachel and headed out to the
kitchen, I knew she would be here soon and I was going finish this up
today.


Kyle came walking into the kitchen, " Miss Nance is on her way up to the
house Jerry. "


" Great, I have everything ready for her and there is a file on your desk I
need you to get working on Kyle. "


" I'll get right on it Jerry, the team is all set at the Austin's house,
they are sweeping for bugs now and I should have a full report by this
evening. "


" I'll bet you they will find at least six of them Kyle, I want the team to
be very careful down there. Our dear friend the Senator isn't someone to
take lightly. "


" I have Mitchell and Josh on this one Jerry, they can handle anything the
Senator throws at them. "


" I hope you're right Kyle, the more I learn of this man the more I
worry. "


There was a knock on the front door and I headed to answer it, I knew it
was Rachel and I wanted to finish this up as quickly as I could.


" Hello Rachel, thanks for coming in this afternoon. "


" Hello Mr. Martin, I'm happy to be here and looking forward to working
here. "


" Come in please, I have everything ready for you. Let's go into the living
room and we can finish this off quickly. " I led her into the living room.


I handed her the file I had as I explained all the paperwork to her and had
her fill out all that needed done. She was reading everything carefully and
signed everything I had in the file. I excused myself and went and made her
copies of everything, " These are copies of everything Rachel, I ask that
you read over them again when you get home especially the confidentiality
agreement. I'm a very private person about my home life and I ask that it
remains that way. "


" I have no problem with that Mr. Martin, everyone deserves the privacy,
especially at home. "


" Thank you Rachel, I really appreciate that. Do you have any questions? "


" I don't think so Mr. Martin, I'm ready to start when you need me. "


" I think Monday will be best Rachel, Sean's sister passed away this
morning and we have a lot to do this weekend. "


" Please pass on my condolences to Sean and his family for me, I will be
ready Monday morning. "


" I will do that Rachel and I will see you Monday morning. " I walked her
to the door and watched as she got in her car and headed down the driveway.


I headed for the office to put her file away and tell Kyle that things were
done and to have her followed. I wanted to make sure that there were no
problems with her.


" We need the car ready soon Kyle, Sean has to be at the funeral home at
2pm. "


" Sean told me earlier and the car will be ready for you. "


I sat there looking at Kyle, " That seems a little strange Kyle, well maybe
not too strange. He has gotten more at ease with you the last week. "


" I'm sorry Jerry, I figured you knew and would want the car ready. If you
want me to check with you from now on I will. "


" That's no problem Kyle, I'm just over thinking things. " Damn there I go
again. " I will be back in a minute, I need to see if Dad will keep Jack
while we are gone. "


I headed out to the backyard and found Dad and Jack playing at Jack's usual
spot under the tree. The cars and trucks being pushed around the track that
was being worn into the yard. " What are you two playing today? " I asked
as I walked up to them.


" Jack has been beating me at truck races all morning, I think he has some
good engine builders in his garage. " Dad smiled at Jack.


" Can you keep an eye on Jack for awhile Dad, Sean has an appointment we
need to head out soon. "


Dad looked up at me and I could see the questioning look in his eyes. "
Sure I can son, but Sean already asked me. "


" Well I guess I'm just double checking then. " I gave a small laugh and
turned to walk back in the house.


" Son. " Dad grabbed my shoulder.


" Yes Dad? " I answered without turning around.


" What's going on between you and Sean? In the last week I have never seen
you two asking the same questions and being so distant to each other. "


My head dropped, " Sean and Jack will be moving back to their house after
the funeral. " I whispered. " We can talk about this later please Dad, I
don't want to get into this right now. "


" That is no problem son, I'm not going to be leaving anytime soon. " I
heard the sadness in Dad's voice.


Kyle opened the backdoor, " The car is here Jerry. "


" We'll be back as soon as we can Dad, and thank you. "


" Jack and I will be fine son, no need to rush back. "


I walked into the house, " Is Sean ready Kyle? "


" He was on the front porch when I came out to get you. "


We walked out the front door and Sean was sitting there waiting on us, "
Are you ready to go Sean? " I asked.


" If you can call it ready. " Sean answered walked to the car with me.


Kyle opened the door and Sean and I got in and Kyle closed the door and got
in the front seat and we headed off for this difficult job. I took Sean's
hand and held onto it as he looked out the window.


" Is there anything you would like special for the service? "


" I'm not sure Jerry. I have never had to plan one by myself before. "


" I will be there with you Sean, if you don't like something or don't
understand anything just ask. They will be very patient with you. "


Sean looked over at me, the tears starting in his eyes. " I don't want to
do this Jerry. "


I held his hand in mine tighter and looked deep into his eyes. " I really
wish you didn't have to do this Sean. If I could take it all away for you I
would in a heartbeat. "


" I know you would Jerry. "


We were riding in silence when Kyle put the window down between the driver
and us and handed me his cellphone. " I think you need to see this Jerry. "


I took his cellphone and read through the message, " I told you
Kyle. Dinner is on you tonight. Make sure they are sent to the IT guys
immediately. "


Sean looked at me, " What was that about? "


" Just an answer to something I asked Kyle earlier, and I was right. "


After another 10 minutes we were at the funeral home, " Remember Sean, if
you need any help or don't understand something just ask them to explain. "


We walked in the building and were immediately met, " Hello gentleman, my
name is Aaron Hart, how may I help you? "


" Good afternoon Aaron, I'm Jerry Martin and this is Sean Austin, he has an
appointment to make arrangements for Mary. "


Aaron walked up to Sean and extended his hand, " It's a pleasure to meet
you Sean and I extend my deepest condolences to you and your family. Please
come into the office with me and we'll get started. "


We walked into the office and sat down as Aaron started through all the
options that Sean had for the services, I could see that he was becoming
overwhelmed with all the decisions he had to make. After all the
arrangements had been made, Sean was wiped out emotionally and I began to
worry about how he was to handle the actual funeral.  We walked back out to
the car and just before we got in Sean grabbed me and started crying, I
wrapped my arms around him and let him release all the pain he was carrying
with him. I pulled back from Sean and ran my hand down the side of his
face, " It will be alright Sean, even if it doesn't seem that way right
now. "


We finally got in the car and started back to the house as Sean sat looking
out the window, the darkness in his eyes growing deeper and wider. " What's
wrong Sean? " I asked as I touched his hand.


" Just doing some of that deep thinking you seem to do Jerry, I don't know
how you do it all the time and still be able to smile. "


" It's not the thinking Sean, it's where you let that thinking lead
you. Take control of your thoughts and lead them where you want to go and
help you decide on what you want. "


" I've been trying to do that Jerry, but they don't want to go where I want
them to go. They seem to want to travel down the same dark path. "


" I told you once before, peoples thoughts seem to always head down a dark
path. It's easier to head down that path than keeping them on a path of
happiness. "


" I guess I just have too many things to think about and all of them want
center stage. "


" That my friend, is the second thing to learn about deep thinking, you
can't focus on everything at once. You need to focus on one thing and work
it down all the different paths you either want it to go or it could go. "


" Thank you Jerry, I don't know what I would have done if you had not
helped me. "


" I'm glad I could be there to help Sean. " I turned and looked out the
window so my facial expression would not betray me. I was fighting the urge
to run, run from everything and everyone.


" Jerry? " Sean laid his hand on mine, " Are you alright? "


I took a deep breath, " I'm fine Sean, let's just leave it at that. "


" I'm sorry Jerry, I never meant to bring this much pain into your life. I
can't say I'm sorry I met you, but I'm having a hard time forgiving myself
for everything else. "


I turned towards Sean, " It was my choice to let you in Sean, I knew what
was coming and I accepted that fact. Things have developed I didn't see
coming, but I will deal with those and I don't want you to worry yourself
about anything. "


" You may have been the one that made the choice to accept this in your
life Jerry, but I didn't have to make it worse. "


" Sean, you only expressed your thoughts and made a decision that you
believe is best for you and Jack. I admire the courage that took. You can't
second guess your choice because someone might not agree with them, you
must do what you think is will work for you. "


" That sure doesn't make me feel any better about my decisions Jerry, I'm
feeling like I just screwed everything up. "


" Give it some time Sean, if after you move back home and you don't think
it was the right choice there is always a way to change that. "


" What am I suppose to do then Jerry? Make a doormat out of you? I can't
see that happening. "


" I don't expect to be used as a doormat Sean and would never allow myself
to be treated that way, but I can accept someone changing their mind and
moving in a different direction. "


" I don't know about you Jerry, you surprise me everyday the way you see
things. Most people would be at the verge of violence after all of this. "


" Where would that get me Sean? I might feel better for all of 30 seconds,
then I would have to deal with the guilt and anger at myself and the
problem would still be there. "


" I guess you're right Jerry, but damn that's not easy to do. "


" Let's not worry about this now Sean, we need to concentrate on things we
need to handle now. All the other things will be waiting for us when we get
through this weekend. "


I turned back towards the window and my mind started before I could focus
my eyes on anything passing by. Was he having second thoughts about moving
back home already? I had to make sure I did not push him either way this
had to be his choice, even though I knew what I wanted his choice to be.


A few minutes later we were back at the house and we went inside, Sean went
in search of Jack and I headed for the kitchen to decide on something for
dinner. My choice was to say the hell with eating, but I knew the rest
would want to eat. I pulled out some chicken and decided on chicken
marsala, and a nice cherry cobbler for dessert. I know I just can't stop
making sure there is dessert for Sean. I got started on the dessert first
since it would take longer to bake and once it was done and in the oven I
started the chicken. I worked without paying any attention when I realized
someone was in the kitchen and looked up and Dad was standing there
watching me.


" Hi Dad, how was you afternoon with Jack? "


" It was fine son, how are you doing? "


I could see the concern in Dad's eyes but decided to avoid that for the
moment.


" I'm good Dad, just trying to get dinner finished so no one starves
tonight. "


" Would you like some help? "


" No thanks Dad, I'm doing OK with this, it's not that difficult. "


" It smells good, but if you would like to talk I'm here. "


" Maybe after dinner Dad, I'm about talked out right now. "


I continued getting everything finished and made a pot of coffee and got
the table ready, anything to keep my mind busy and off the elephant in the
room. I have never had anyone occupy my mind like Sean has in these few
short weeks. Shit, there my mind goes again, I had to stop myself. I had
gotten the table set and all the food placed on the table and the cobbler
sitting on the counter for after wards and went to call everyone in to
eat. Dad, Sean, Jack and Kyle were soon at the table and filling their
plates. I excused myself and grabbed a cup of coffee and headed to the
backyard, I wasn't ready to sit there with them. I still needed to corral
my thoughts and keep them from wandering. I started walking not really
paying attention to where but my legs moved as my battle continued. I
suddenly looked up and I was standing at the ridge I have come to really
enjoy the last week. I stood there and just soaked in the luxury that
mother nature had provided
 even if she could be a cruel mistress. The calm that surrounded me held me
like a baby in a blanket wrapped and held by a loving mother, holding the
world and pain at bay. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the
birds and the breeze blowing through the budding trees. I was finally at
ease and my mind was calm and quiet, I opened my eyes and standing next to
me was Sean.


I jumped and grabbed my chest, " Oh fuck Sean, you scared the hell out of
me. "


" Sorry Jerry I didn't mean to, I was just wondering where you had gone to
and this place was my most likely guess. "


" No problem Sean, I was just trying to .... well I was trying to ...oh
never mind. "


" Was trying to what Jerry? Quiet your mind? "


" Yes as a matter of fact, but I didn't want you to worry about that. You
have enough to worry about this weekend. "


" Jerry, it's not that I don't care about you and can just forget you like
that. I'm just not sure I can handle both of these situations in my life
right now. "


" I know Sean, and I respect your decision and trying to make it as easy on
you as I can. I know you are having a hard time with it, so please just
stop worrying about me and get yourself though this weekend. "


" You're just not going to hate me at all are you Jerry? "


" Is that what you are wanting Sean? Is that what you think will make this
easier? "


" I don't know Jerry, I sometimes wish you would just yell at me and get it
over with. I would feel better if you were mad over my choice. "


" I have told you Jerry, all that does is makes things harder and the
problem is still there. I'll not bring myself to that with you or anyone,
unless they are trying to hurt someone I love. Take a deep breath and
forget about that option. "


" OK Jerry, I will not mention it again. It's hard when someone is so
understanding, I'm just not used to that. "


" Let's head back to the house, I need some more coffee. Unless you brought
some with you. "


" Nope, I couldn't find a thermos. "


" Then let's go, I can tell you there is no Starbucks out here. " I laughed
and turned to head to the house.


" Did you like the dessert tonight? "


" I did, added some ice cream and I couldn't stop eating. "


" I have a question for you and I don't want to upset you when I ask. "


Sean stopped and looked at me, " Go ahead, you have proven to me you
wouldn't do something just to be spiteful. "


" Do you think there will be a lot of neighbors and friends of Mary's at
the service? "


" I imagine most of the people from the neighborhood will be there, I'm not
sure about her friends. "


" I think we should hire a caterer for after the service, most will
probably be stopping by your house after wards and I don't want you
unprepared. If you don't have any objections I will call tomorrow and
arrange for one."


" I never thought about that, I guess you better make that call. "


" That's not a problem and that way they can leave anything left with you
since I'm sure the fridge is empty at your house. "


" Does your mind ever quit Jerry? "


" Not usually, but I can quiet it down if I need to. Like I was doing back
there at the ridge. "


" I really didn't mean to interrupt your time up there Jerry, we were
worried where you took off to. "


" It's alright Sean, I had plenty of quiet time. "


We arrived back at the house and Dad and Jack were in their usual spot in
the backyard playing with the cars and trucks. I had to chuckle as we
walked up on them.


" Have you two not had enough of them trucks yet? "


" No Jerry, I love playing with my trucks. "


I bent down and ruffled the top of Jack's head, " I bet you do little
man. "


" I'm going in to clean up the kitchen, would anyone like something to
drink? "


" I'll take a coffee if you're making a fresh pot son. "


" No problem Dad, I will be back out with it. "


While I was cleaning up from dinner Kyle came in from the office, " How did
you know there were six bugs in the Austin's house? "


" Come now Kyle, I can't reveal my sources. " I laughed.


" I would have used four, so how did you know there were six? "


" I figured the senator would want extra coverage as to not miss a word so
I figured six. "


" Do you think it's possible to get rid of the senator? Without causing
more problems for Sean? "


" I'm counting on it Kyle, and if I can't I need a plan B in place and
ready. "


" Already in place Jerry, I wanted to be prepared for once. "


" Thanks Kyle, I only hope it is not necessary. If you have everything I
asked for ready tomorrow I should be able to put this to bed before the
weekend is over. "


I finished the kitchen and poured coffee for me and Dad and headed out
back. Dad was sitting on the bench, letting Sean takeover his place with
Jack.


" Here you go Dad. " I handed him his coffee.


" Thanks son, were you out thinking on your walk? "


" Actually no, I was looking for some quiet time. I had to..... well you
know. "


" Did it do any good? "


" A little Dad, just wasn't long enough. I could have used another hour. I
know I can never find that kind of time though. "


" What is up with Sean? "


" He is going back to his house Sunday after the services, he needs time
Dad. He needs to put Jack first and learn how to be the sole provider. "


" And how are you handling that son? "


I turned towards Dad, " How the hell do you think I'm handling that Dad?
Why do you think I had to find some quiet time? " I said quietly but with
anger in my voice.


" I'm sorry son, I just want to make sure you are staying grounded with
this. "


" Forgive me Dad, I didn't mean to talk to you that way. I'm just trying to
cope with all of this and I have a lot of other things to handle this
weekend. "


" Are you going to be able to hold yourself together, especially if you are
working on something else? "


" I hope so Dad, I should have this other project finished the first of
next week. Then I have a new employee to train in the Columbus office. When
I am finished in a couple weeks I think it's time to get away. "


" I think that would be a good idea son, I should be out of your hair by
then and you can get away and relax. "


" There's another problem I need to face also, but I'm not going to worry
about it right now. "


" Don't worry about that problem son, I will handle that one on my own. "


" I hope so Dad. I really don't want to get in a battle with Mom. On that
note I'm going in for a fresh coffee and heading to the living room and see
if I can find a little more quiet. "


" OK son, I'm going in soon and think it's an early night for me. "


" I will give you a goodnight then Dad, will see you in the morning. "


" Night son, try and get some rest tonight. "


I filled up my cup and headed to the living room and I stopped in the foyer
and turned and went into the den. There seemed to be a calm coming from the
den and I was drawn to seek it out. I walked in and shut the door, I pulled
out the chair to the desk and slowly sat down. The quietness to the room
tonight was like a lullaby to a child. I sat back in the chair and closed
my eyes, and focused on the one problem I needed to end and soon. Even if
it was not the problem I wanted to work on, I promised Mary and I was not
going to let her down. I had finally found the solution I was looking for,
as I thought through the details. I opened my eyes and looked around, it
was dark and I realized I had been sitting there for three hours. The house
was quiet, I made my way back into the kitchen. The coffee was cold so I
made a fresh pot and headed to the office, I needed to finalize these
details. After an hour I had everything completed and I went for a quick
cup
 of coffee before heading to bed for a couple hours. I stood watching out
the window as I finished the coffee and then headed upstairs. I was not
expecting Sean to be there, I figured the mood he was in he would stay in
Jack's room. I opened the door and there he laid, I had to stop and just
admire his muscular form laying there in a peaceful sleep. I quietly got
undressed and climbed in bed trying not to wake Sean, I didn't want to get
into why I was up so late. I pulled the pillow up and leaned most of my
upper body against the headboard, it gave me a better view to watch Sean as
he slept. I couldn't help but wonder as my mind started drifting away with
the thought I just started. I was startled and opened my eyes, Sean had
rolled towards me and placed his arm around my waist and had his head laid
on my stomach. Did he not know what he was doing to me? I knew he was in an
awakened state, I placed my hand on his arm and the other on the top of his
head.
 I lightly ran my hand up and down his arm and a few minutes later he was
sleeping soundly. I knew that I would never be able to sleep, so I just
help Sean and stroked his arm. I once again laid there holding Sean as the
sun started to lighten the room as the shadows began their morning
retreat. I couldn't take it any longer, I wiggled my way out from under
Sean's head and arm and went to the bathroom and washed up and dressed. I
sat on the settee for a moment and pulled out a note pad from the side
table.


As the sun awakens the room in which I hold my dearest treasures.  The rays
bright and warm, but cannot hold up against the love that pours from my
heart for you.  The colors change as the light dances with the shadows in
the corner.  For even as the sun has might, it can never be as strong as my
love for you.



The sun changes through the day as it travels on it's journey, but the love
I have found for you is never ending. That is what makes the bond stronger
than the suns great light that changes over the day. For my love carries on
through the night as the sun's light has been extinguished.



I left it on the bed and walked out of the bedroom and downstairs to start
the day, not that yesterday had truely ended. I was hoping for a quick bite
and then get started on the calls I needed to make and get everything
finished up before noon. I wanted a my schedule clear till Monday. I made a
couple pieces of toast and headed to the back of the house to the office. I
figured if I stayed in here this morning no one would bother me till I came
out, unless it was an emergency. I quickly reviewed all the offices and
account sheets, not that there was anything to see, they were all still
closed. I then pulled out all the files that I had on the senator and all
the paperwork that Mary had turned over to me, I arranged eveything as to
how I wanted it to play out. Once I had that done I figured I would update
the file to reopen the offices next week. I also had to call George in
Vegas and make sure he was all prepared to make it to Columbus. I knew I
had a
 couple hours wait on that call since he was in Veags. After everything was
settled and refiled I sat there thinking about Sean, my mind bring back the
images of him laying in the bed sleeping and curled up against me.


" Good Morning Jerry. " Kyle came in the office.


" Huh? Oh, Good morning Kyle, how are you today? "


" I'm good thanks, you didn't sleep last night did you? "


" Well. " I started to tell him I did, " Not really. "


" That's no way to start the day Jerry, you need to keep sharp this
weekend. " " I know Kyle, but "..... I trailed off.


" Never mind Jerry, I understand. But don't push yourself too hard
please. " Kyle smiled.  " I wouldn't dream of it Kyle. "


Kyle sat down at his desk and started his day, I excused myself and went
for more coffee. I stood there drinking and watching the sun scattering
through the trees, a picture of the ridge forming in his head. I suddenly
felt someone push up against my back, " What is this Jerry? " Sean asked as
he handed me the sheet of paper I left on the bed this morning.


" A little something I wrote this morning as I sat on the settee wathcing
you sleep. " I didn't even turn around to look at him, there was something
in his voice that kept me looking out the window.


" What do you want from me Jerry? After what I told you the other day you
leave something like that. "

============

I want to take a moment and let all my readers know that I may be
unavailable for a week or two.  Some important things have developed for me
and I need to attend to them quickly.  I hope to be able to write some
during these weeks, but I'm not sure if it will be possible to put the
attention into the story it deserves and I will not compromise the story to
rush a chapter.  I will keep everyone on my email list updated, if you
would like to be included please send me an email to wilson81abc@yahoo.com
and I will add you.  Thanks to all my readers.  Bryan