Warning! This is a tale about men loving men. If you find this disturbing - click off. If it's unlawful for you to read this - click off. If you under age - good luck if you can get away with it.
This is not a story for getting your rocks off. Just thought I'd let you know so you won't waste your time if that's what your looking for.
Otherwise, I hope you enjoy my writing.
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J S . Collection at Verizon . Net
Three weeks after the incident, I started back to school. It was my senior year. I did all the chores around the house. I did the grocery shopping, and cooking. And Tom continued in his morose downward spiral. I tried numerous times to talk to him, to tell him I was sorry for trying to get into his pants. But he would just turn and walk away from me.
Tom also had started ignoring the bills. The mail just piled up on the desk. I figured if the ranch was to continue running I'd better start taking care of that, too. So every Saturday after the chores were done and Tom had disappeared for the day I would go through the mail. I insisted that Tom sign a bunch of checks and I would fill in the names and amounts. I would drive into Silver City and hand Mr. Edwards, the bank manager, the envelopes that Tom had always taken to him. I was curious about what was in them but I'd never seen Tom open one so I didn't either. I would make excuses for Tom and he would tell me to wish him well and that he would take care of everything. I kind of got the feeling that he knew what was going on with Tom. Hell, a small town and ranching community always know whats going on with everybody.
By mid October I had run out of household money. There had always been a big wad of bills in a glass cookie jar on the kitchen counter. This was a new experience for me. There had always been a couple hundred dollars in the cookie jar, a tradition carried over from my grandmother. And until Tom got to where he didn't care anymore, the money had always been there. That cookie jar money to me had always been a lot. Tom had always told me to take what I needed and that's all I ever took. A dollar or so once in a while, until I had to start using that money to feed us.
It was now empty. What I hadn't spent on food, Tom had spent on whiskey. I took a day off from school and drove the pickup into Silver City. I went into the bank and talked to Mr. Edwards. I told him that Tom just wasn't up to coming into town and that I needed to get some money for groceries and other necessities. He immediately set up a bank account for me and told me to just write checks for whatever I needed, and that I didn't need to worry about overdrawing the account. When I saw the amount that had been deposited into this account I almost blew a gasket. Five thousand dollars.
I was now the one that was financially responsible. I had always been provided for before. I ask Mr. Edwards if it would be okay to buy myself some new clothes because I'd had another growth spurt. I had shot up to six foot three inches, just one inch shorter than Tom. I also was putting on lots of muscle, too, doing all of the work around the ranch. He told me again to just go ahead and buy what ever I thought I needed. Well, I thought groceries and clothes were all we needed for now. So I bought four pairs of Levi's, four new plaid cowboy shirts, underwear, socks, a pair of works shoes and a nice pair of boots to wear to school. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on every thing I could think of. I spent over five hundred dollars. Tom never even took notice of it.
Christmas came. School was out for two weeks. I bought Tom a new cowboy shirt like he always wears. When I gave it to him Christmas morning, he sat there and looked at the colorfully wrapped box in his hands. I finally got exasperated and grabbed the box, ripped the paper off of it, yanked the shirt out and threw it at him. He didn't flinch. He just looked at the floor. I left the house and went out and sat on the corral fence for a long time. I would have bought myself a present but I couldn't think of any thing I really wanted, except for Tom to get back to being his old self. That was really one fucked up Christmas.
When I went back in the house, the shirt and Tom were not there. Three days later, I was doing the wash. When I stripped his bed I found the shirt rolled up under his pillow. There was what appeared to be tear stains on it. I put it aside and when I made his bed I put the shirt back just as I had found it.
After the New Year I went back to school, which was way better than sitting around the house watching Tom be melancholy. I took to driving the pickup to school every day. In June I graduated. I wasn't the top student, but I was nowhere near the bottom. Of course Tom wasn't there for my graduation ceremony.
School was over and I was home all the time. Tom started not even getting out of bed in the mornings. I'd had enough. I was fed up with him. I wasn't a psychologist, but I could see that he really needed something to get him out of this melancholy state. He had lost a considerable amount of weight. His clothes just hung on him. He also had lost a lot of his incredible strength.
Way into the night I sat up thinking. I thought a lot about what I should do. I played many scenarios through my mind. Everything from sticking him in a nut house to just letting him be. But I couldn't just let him be. I decided it was time for me to take over Tom's life until he got to a point he could do it himself.
When I got the morning chores done. I walked into Tom's room. He was laying there with his eyes closed, but I don't think he was asleep. I called out his name. He didn't flinch, so I walked over and yanked the covers off of him. He was fully clothed, well, he had removed his boots. I took him by the arm, pulled him out of bed and propelled him into the bathroom. He didn't struggle until I started undressing him, then he resisted pushing my hands away.
"Tom, if you don't stand still and let me get these filthy clothes off of you I'm going to hog tie you and cut them off. And you'll still get bathed." I said through gritted teeth.
He still struggled. I stepped back and stared at him.
"It's your choice. I may be shorter that you and weigh less, but I'm much stronger than you. So what's it going to be?"
His shoulders sagged admitting defeat. He even helped by lifting each foot so I could remove his stinky socks and pants. He reeked. He stood there while I stripped and got into the shower with him. I washed his hair three times before the water ran clear. I soaped him thoroughly not missing a single spot. He was in such bad shape that he didn't even get a boner when I washed his genitals and rectum. I did, being that I was just a teenage pervert. But I ignored it and did the job.
After I had him dry, I shaved his face and trimmed his mustache and I dressed in clean clothes, I marched him into the kitchen and force-fed him a couple of soft-boiled eggs and toast. I made him drink a full glass of fresh whole milk. After that I took him outside, sat him down on a stool and trimmed his hair. It didn't look professional, but at least it wasn't hanging in his eyes any more.
Through all of this there was no life in his eyes. He never looked at me. He acted like he didn't care if he lived or died. What was I going to do to make him care about living again? I didn't know.
In the meantime, I forced him to resume his daily routine. Everyday I had to tell him to do each thing. We got up at 5:30. We each milked a cow. We fed the animals together. We hoed weeds. We saddled the horses and rode the ranch. I made him eat. I also had to tell him every night to take a bath, other wise he simply crawled into bed with his clothes on. I don't know which of us was more tired at the end of each day, but I could see his health starting to return. He might still be acting like an automaton, but at least he was a healthier, stronger one.
After about a month of getting through each day like this, I decided I had to do something to get him back to him old self again. When he went bed that night, I went into my room and stripped. I walked into his room and up to his bed. He looked at me sullenly.
"What?" His voice was emotionless.
"Move over. I'm sleeping with you."
"Get out of here." Still there was no emotion.
"I said to move over, Tom. Now do it."
"Go get in your own bed and leave me alone." That was the longest sentence he had spoken to me in months.
"Tom, you can either move over and share the bed or I'll sleep on top of you."
He ignored me, and turned away from me. I took hold of the sheet he'd pulled up over his shoulder and yanked it down. I climbed on top of him, and lay there with all my weight on him. He tried to elbow me. I pinned his arms with a bear hug. He started struggling and manage to turn to where we were chest to chest. This just might work, I thought to myself, if I can get him angry.
"I'm going to beat the shit out of you when I get loose." He said. There was a little anger in his voice. This is good, I thought.
"Yeah? You and who is helping you?" I asked, taunting him
"I don't need anyone's help."
"Haven't you noticed, Tom? Little Billy's grown up. I'm a big strong man now. I'm as strong as you, Tom. Probably stronger."
" So what are you going to do? Rape me?" He sneered.
I knew he couldn't help but feel my boner against his leg. The thing had a mind of its own. I ignored it and didn't answer. He glared at me. There was definitely anger in his eyes.
"You're a big strong man now, so you're going have your way with me? Is that it, Billy?"
"No, that's not it, Tom."
"Go ahead and do it, boy. I won't resist you this time. You can do what ever you want. Rape me if you wish. I wont' try to stop you." He muttered as the tautness fled his body. He wept. I cried with him as I held him. When we quieted down, I started talking to him in a soft voice.
"No, Tom. I'm not going to rape you. What I'm going to do and what I have been doing all my life is love you. I'm going to love you, Tom, and take care of you. That's all. I'm just going to love you. There is life after Joe. You just have to find it. And I'm going to help you."
He stopped sobbing after awhile. He was so still I started to wonder if he was even breathing. And then he sighed. He whispered.
"You're heavy, Billy. Let go of me and I'll move over."
I moved off of him. He scooted over, and turned facing away from me. I moved in behind him, spooning against his beautiful back. I slid an arm under his neck and my other arm over his chest. I hugged him to me as hard as I could. And then I caressed his chest; as though he were a cat I was petting.
"I love you, Tom. And when you get your head wrapped around that fact and accept it, we'll talk. Until then, it's all body language. My body telling yours that I love you. Everything is going to be okay. Life is worth living. Go to sleep."
It was a good while before he stopped having the heaving sighs and drifted into a deep sleep. I eventually relaxed my embrace and followed.
I awoke the next morning lying on my back. I felt his arm hugging my chest, his head on my shoulder and his ragged breath blowing across my chest. I could feel his tears running down my side. I listened to his nearly silent sobbing for a couple of minutes. I thought about the first time I'd awaken in Tom's at the age of four. Now here I was again only I was a big as he now.
"I love you, Tom." I said in a quiet voice. His hug tightened and his sobbing grew louder. I turned and embraced him, rubbing his back until he calmed down.
"I am so sorry, Billy. I am so ashamed of myself. How can you love me? I'm such a miserable son of a bitch. Feeling sorry for myself. For Christ sake! How can you love me?" He blubbered into my chest. I rolled over to face him.
" I know it's hard for you. I know you loved Joe. Why would you have gotten yourself into this condition it you didn't? But Joe's gone and you have to pull yourself together. I love you, Tom. I still need you. I know I'm big as you now but I still need you to guide me until I'm grown up. And who knows, just maybe there is someone out there waiting to fill your heart again with love." His body tensed when I said that so I quickly changed the subject.
"But right now the cows need milking and we've got some hungry animals waiting to eat. Let's get up and get it done."
All morning as we worked I watched Tom. I didn't have to tell him to do anything. I'd catch him every once in a while looking at me. There was a light in his big brown eyes again. There was also a new vigor to his walk and in the way he did things. It thrilled me to see it. When we sat down to breakfast he grinned at me.
"Damn, I'm starving this morning."
I smiled at him.
"Good, I fixed us a big breakfast this morning."
We ate silently for a few minutes, glancing at each other and grinning when we caught each other's eye. After he had cleaned his plate, wiping up the last of the egg yolk with a piece of toast, he propped his elbows on the table and studied me.
"We've got to go into town, Billy. There's lots of things that need taking care of that I've been neglecting. Damn, Boy, we've got to get some clothes for you. School starts again in a couple of months. I guess you'll be Senior this year, huh?"
"Tom," I said quietly, "I graduated in June."If I had slugged him in the face he wouldn't have looked
more shocked. He blanched, looking at his plate. Apparently he didn't realize that it had been nearly a year since he had gone into a funk
"It's okay, Tom. That's past. You are back. That's
all that matters."
"I've been out of it that long? I'm sorry Billy. I really would have liked to have been there. I'm so proud of you. You carried on and did what had to be done with me acting like a total shit, feeling sorry for my worthless ass. I don't know if I can make it up to you, but I want to try."
"It's okay, Tom. You're back. That's all that is important."
"So--- what do you plan on doing now?"
He still hadn't looked up from his plate.
"Anything it takes to keep you from going back into a funk."
He glanced up at me with a sad smile.
"I won't do that again, Billy."
I grinned at him. He finally grinned back.
"Answer my question. Now that you're through with high school what do you plan on doing?"
"I have applied for and have received a scholarship to the University in Silver City. I want to major in animal husbandry and land management. I want to make a life with you, here on the ranch."
I ducked my head when I said that. I suddenly felt very shy and vulnerable.
"What are you saying, Billy?" He asked softly.
I looked up at him. I saw what I had wanted to see in his face for so long. His eyes were misty with unshed tears as he smiled at me. The love that I longed for from him was there. My heart thrilled. I gave him a half smirk and ducked my head again.
"I love you, Tom."
"I love you, too, Billy." He whispered. " But ----
I picked at the crumbs on my plate. I didn't want to hear any buts.
"Billy, I'm twice your age. Why would you want to saddle yourself with an old man when you could have someone your own age?"
I looked into his face. The love and concern I saw made me feel so good. I smiled through my tears.
"You're not old."
"Billy, when you reach my age, I'll be in my sixties."
"So? We can deal with that when we get there. Even if you'll never be my lover, there will be no one in my heart but you, Tom. I want the physical expression of your love, but if I can't have it, I can live with the fact, just knowing that you love me."
"To me you're my son. I raised you. I can't be your lover. You're young. One of these days some other young fellow is going to come along and you'll fall head over heels in love with him."
"Well, I'm doubtful about that. I guess I'll just have to wait and see."
"You're too much, kid. You're all grown up. I missed that happening. I don't want to miss the rest of your life."
He stood and walked around the table. I stood and met his embrace. For several minutes we stood there holding each other. He eventually loosened his hug and kissed me on the cheek.
"I've missed that. You haven't kissed me on the cheek since I was six."
I grinned and he got embarrassed.
"Come on, let's go to town. There's much you need to learn."
That day was a day of discovery for me. I learned that the envelopes that Tom delivered to Mr. Edwards monthly contained checks from a trust fund that my parents had set up for me when I was born. Upon their death the fund started paying Tom a thousand dollars a month to take care of me until I turned eighteen, at which time I would receive the rest of the balance. Tom had been investing those checks since I came into his life at the age of four. He had turned $168,000 into well over a million dollars. The rest of the trust had grown to even a whole lot more. Needless to say I was speechless. With the checking account that Mr. Edwards had set up for me I could have written a check for a million bucks and it wouldn't have bounced. I'm sure glad he didn't tell me that in the beginning.
And then he laid another bomb on me. The life insurance policies my parents had, had paid double being their deaths were accidental. And the driver who had run the red light had been sued. His insurance paid up without a fight seeing that the man had been drinking. So the sum of all that had been several million, which Tom and Mr. Edwards had invested very wisely and had seen it more that quadruple in the fourteen years that they had been doing it.
As we left the bank he held onto my arm. I don't know whether he was holding me up or keeping me from floating off I was so high.
"Hey, Billy, I've got to get you a graduation gift. What would you like?"
"A bright red Ford Pickup. But damn, Tom, I can buy that for myself now that you've made me a rich man."
"Ah, let me buy it for you. I may not be as rich as you but I've got more money that I can spend in three lifetimes."
"Okay. It'll make it extra special coming from you, Tom."
So we stopped by the Ford Dealership to see what they had. Tom ended up ordering it special. It would be six weeks for delivery. That was great; just in time for the start of my freshman year in college.
On the way back to the ranch Tom was very quiet. Since breakfast that morning he hadn't stopped talking. I looked at him as he gazed out the window, deep in thought.
"I've got a penny." I said.
"What?" He asked and then realized what I meant. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm just being a little pensive."
"Want to talk about it."
He looked at me as I drove, not answering. I let it be, figuring when he wanted to talk, he would. Besides, I had lots to think about with all this newly acquired wealth. I couldn't see letting it change the course of my life, but it would obviously make it easier. I thought that the first thing I would do was return the scholarship and let the money from it go to someone that really needed it. Other than that, my mind didn't get very far as I guided the pickup down the road.
Tom shifted in his seat. I turned my attention back to him. He was watching me. There was a slight frown on his face. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow in query.
"I guess that now that you're going to be eighteen soon and have lots of money you're not going to be needing your ol' uncle any more, huh?"
I almost lost control of the pickup. I hit the brakes and swerved onto the shoulder, skidding to a stop. I turned off the engine and swivelled around in my seat.
I was pissed that he would feel that way. But it seemed to be part of his character to belittle himself. I suppose even more so after the last year. If I had my way it wasn't going to be that way for long.
We faced each other sitting on each end of the old pickup's bench seat for what seemed like minutes, staring into each other's eyes. His arm was resting on the back of the seat. I laid my arm on top of his gripping his bicep. He turned his hand over and gripped mine.
"What the fuck are you saying, Tom? You think I'm that shallow? That money may make things easier, but it's not going to change my life. I know what I want and that is not going to change. The only thing that can change what I want is you. If you don't want me in your life I'll leave. Not willingly. I will leave only because that is what you want. If you don't want me to leave, then I am right where I want to be. With you. Got it? I love you, Tom. Life would be nothing without you. All that money is worthless without you."
"It's not difficult to love you, Billy. You are the most generous, gentle and kindest man I have ever known. I've loved you all your life, first as my nephew, then as my own child, and now as one man loves another. I love you, Billy."
"You don't know how much that means to me, to hear you say that. For three years I've yearned for your love and attention. I'm starved. Would you make love to me when we get home, Tom."
I guess I'm rather perverse. One would think that I'd have learned months ago the first time he'd refused me. I suppose I was getting the different kinds of love jumbled in my head. I knew when I asked that he wouldn't give in to my lust. Yeah, that's what is was, I was mixing up lust with the love I felt for this wonderful man that had raised me.
"No, Billy." He said. "I love you as my son. As your father I cannot love you the way you want."
"You're not even related to me by blood."
"Even so, I am your father in every other way."
"So why didn't you adopt me?"
"I figured you would want your daddy's name when you grew up. You didn't need your mom's. It's yours anyway."
I started the pickup and made it back to the ranch. I was thinking so hard, fast and furiously that the driving was done on automatic. I was one twisted up cookie. I figured I was just going to have to get myself laid somewhere else.
We unloaded the stuff we had purchased in town and put it all away. As I pulled a couple of cans out of a bag of groceries to put into a cabinet, I paused and looked at Tom.
"What did you mean you love me as one man loves another? I don't quite get it."
Tom stopped with his hand in a bag and considered how to answer my question.
"Well, let's see if I can explain this. It's kind of like being really good friends. Camaraderie. You know intimate, loyal, comradeship. Buddies. Do you understand?"
"Hmm." I nodded, as I finished unloading the contents of the bag into the cabinet.
As Tom took the box of corn flakes out of the last bag to put into the cabinet, I wrapped my arms around his chest. He tensed up not knowing what I was going to do. As I held onto this big man that I had always love, I also still felt like his little boy.
"It would've been fun calling you Daddy all these years." I whispered in his ear.
I knew he could take that what ever way he wanted. I didn't mean it as a double entendre, I was glad he didn't take it as one.
"Yeah, it would have but I was already you uncle. That was enough, Son." He said.
"I love you, Tom. As my uncle and my father. I'll get over lustin' after you. I'm just a perverted teenager."
"I know you are. But I love you anyway, Bill."
Bill? Where did that come from. I've been Billy all my life. Tom read my silence right. He turned breaking the hug I had him in and rested his arms over my shoulders.
"You're maturing, Young Man. It's time to take a man's name."
He grinned at my startled look and kissed me on my nose. It would probably have been a forehead kiss but I was taller than him now. So I kissed him back on his forehead. I was enjoying this new intimacy even though it was as father and son, not lovers. That was for the best in the long run considering what happened a couple of years later.
End of Chapter 5. Look for Chapter 6 soon to follow. If
you enjoy my story, it'd be real nice of you to tell me. I can be
contacted at JS. Collection @ Verizon. Net. Of course you have
to drop the capitals and spaces for it to work.