Date: Mon, 28 Jun 1999 21:05:18 EDT From: Michael Baker Subject: Brian and Mike - part 3 Hey guys, thanks to everyone who has sent me an e-mail about the story so far. Most of the comments I have received told me you like the first installment better than my last one, but it had to be written so I could introduce the characters a bit more. This one returns to some of the feelings felt by Brian and I think you may find it interesting. Something a little different, this whole chapter is written through Brian's eyes. I was having a hard time writing from Mike's point of view in this one as I needed to explain some stuff going on in Brian's head. I hope you like the different angle for the story line. Please keep sending me mail on the story as the encouragement helps me to write the stuff faster. You know the rest of the stuff. If you're under the age of eighteen, you shouldn't be here. I know it sucks, but the law is the law, and I would feel kind of bad if the cops showed up at your house or something and arrested you. Well, on second thought, I guess it would be kind of funny, but you still shouldn't be here. This story is a complete work of fiction and is not intended to suggest certain people are gay or anything. If you find this kind of stuff offensive then you have two options. (1) You can click on the 'back' button and get out of here, or (2) read the story and get grossed out. Your choice. Anyway, with all that said here is the third chapter, I hope you enjoy it. Chapter 3 - Sorry I have no title for this.... Brian stared out the passenger window lost in his own world of thoughts. He found himself struggling with his self esteem, believing that no one could ever return his love. He had fallen in love with Chris in their short time together and what had happened? Chris had turned his back on him, running out of his life forever. Now he was paying the price for giving him his trust, and it was a large one at that. He now found himself not trusting anyone. 'How could I?' he wondered to himself. 'I'd only leave myself open for something like this to happen again. Besides, it doesn't matter anyway. No one could ever love me in return. I mean look at me. I have nothing to offer, my life's a big mess.' He was allowing himself to cross back into the threshold of depression, and he didn't care. He had resigned himself to the fact that he would be alone forever, without anyone to share himself with. A small part of him was trying to scream out that it wasn't true, but he just ignored it. He was too caught up in his own self-pity. He even began to tune out the world around him as he contemplated his biggest fear. That of being alone. Brian didn't notice at first that Mike was trying to get his attention. He was still lost in his own thoughts. Finally, he felt a pain in his arm and he was pulled back into reality. Mike was staring at him with a nervous look on his face. "Brian, are you okay? I mean you zoned a bit on me. I had to pinch you to even get your attention." Brian just sat there, not saying a word. He wasn't really listening. He didn't care. Mike was like the others, and eventually he would hurt him too. It was just a matter of time. "Brian? Come on say something. You're starting to scare me here." Again Brian said nothing. "Bri? Come on, what's the matter? Say something." "I'm fine," he whispered just enough so Mike would hear. He was hoping that would satisfy him enough to leave him alone. "Don't lie to me, you're not. Now what's going on?" Brian didn't say anything at first. It was obvious Mike wasn't going to just leave him to his own thoughts. But he had to be careful. He'd already opened up too much to Mike, leaving himself ripe for future pain. He had to avoid that at all costs. He couldn't deal with that again. "I'm just tired, that's all," he finally said. "Bull shit. What is up with you all of a sudden?" "Nothing, I'm just tired. I guess all the emotional stuff last night just left me drained. Sorry." Mike just sat there. Brian had a hard time reading his expression to see if his words had convinced him to let this drop. Unfortunately for Brian, they hadn't. "You're a lousy liar, Bri. I'm sorry you feel you have to do that with me. But..." he paused before continuing. "I guess I can understand why you'd be afraid to open up to me. I'd just hoped we'd reached a different level in our friendship. I guess I was wrong." The disappointment in his voice was obvious, and it made Brian feel guilty about his actions. He wondered if he was doing the right thing. His mind was certain he had, but his heart was telling him the contrary. In Brian's world, his heart always won out. "Do you remember me telling you last night that I was scared?" Brian asked, breaking the silence. Mike glanced over to him and responded, "Yes." "Well, that hasn't changed, Mike. I still am. I can't describe it, I just know that I am." "You're scared to trust people now aren't you?" Mike probed. "Yeah, I am," Brian admitted shyly. "What Chris did to you was awful, Bri. I honestly don't know how I would react if I was in your shoes. But, you have to realize that there are a lot of people out there who aren't like that. And I'm included. I told you last night that I wouldn't hurt you, and I meant it. I couldn't do that to someone," Mike said before adding quietly, "Especially you." Brian was surprised at that comment, and found the attraction he felt for Mike this morning returning. This thought triggered a new set of fears that he was not ready to handle, and suddenly he broke down in the car. He knew Mike could never return those feelings, who was he kidding? He was going to be alone forever, it was that simple. "Aww, Brian. I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I'm sorry." The two continued along the highway for a few more minutes with Brian sobbing in the passenger seat and Mike remaining silent. He felt the car pulling off the highway but he was too lost in his pain to care. When the car came to a stop he managed to look at their surroundings, and was surprised to see they had arrived at some sort of park. He looked over at Mike and saw him watching him. There was a look of sorrow in his eyes. "Come on, let's go for a walk, just you and me." Brian didn't want to leave the safety of the car. He couldn't deal with the rest of the world. He just shook his head. He heard Mike open his door and he couldn't help but think that maybe this was when Mike would turn his back on him. That sent a new wave of fear into his heart and his sobbing grew in intensity. A small part of him had hoped that maybe Mike was the one to take away the loneliness, but it was obvious now that he had only been fooling himself. The driver's door closed, and now Brian was alone with his fears in the small compartment. He couldn't stand it any more. He was alone. Like always. He was surprised when he heard his own door opening and then felt a hand roaming down towards his left side near his hip. He heard a 'click' and then felt relief from the tension of the seatbelt. Hands enveloped him and dragged him from the confines of the car. Before he knew it, he was standing in the parking lot, embraced in a comforting hug from Mike. Brian didn't want to let go. He wanted to be like this forever. Mike was roaming his hands over his back reassuringly, and kept repeating that everything was going to be alright. Slowly Brian began to calm down, and his sobbing was diminishing. Fear suddenly rocked through his body as he realized they may not be alone. He started darting his head around looking to see if anyone had noticed. "We're alone, don't worry," Mike was saying in that soft tone of his again. Brian relaxed a little and continued to clutch onto his friend. He didn't want to let go, but realized it was becoming a little awkward. He pulled away and looked Mike in the eyes. He thought he saw a look of disappointment for a second, but it was gone before he could be sure. "I'm sorry, Mike. I don't know what to say." Brian's embarrassment at the situation was obvious and his face became flushed. "Then don't. I understand," he replied. 'No you don't, Mike. I wish you did, but then you wouldn't be here now,' Brian thought to himself. "Thank you," was all he said aloud. "Let's go for a walk," he suggested pointing to the nearest path leading into a lush forest. Brian nodded his head and the two of them set down the path. As they entered the forest, Brian asked, "Where are we anyway?" "Near my parents house, actually. I used to come here all the time when I lived there. It's a great place to come when you want to be by yourself. No one's ever around." "That's cool. I have a place like this back home. Whenever I get back there, I make sure I leave myself enough time to go. It helps me work out stuff, you know." "Yeah, it's the same for me with this place." The two continued along the path for a while until the came up to a river. Mike walked over to a log and sat down, motioning for Brian to come over and join him. He did, and the two of them sat and watched the water flowing over the rocks. The silence was broken by Mike stating, "There's nothing more peaceful than the sound of water." "No there's not," Brian agreed. "Thank you for sharing this with me, this whole place is beautiful." "You're welcome. I thought you might like it." The silence returned and the two continued to stare at the flowing water. Brian found himself thinking about his feelings about Mike and realized there was a definite attraction there. It was the first time since his relationship with Chris that he had been attracted in that way to someone else and he was having a difficult time coping with it. He had made a promise to himself that he would never feel that way about someone again after Chris had hurt him the way he did. But, now he wanted nothing more than to break that promise he had made. He wanted to be with Mike. He was different than anyone he had ever met before, he was special. He was patient and he genuinely cared. Unique qualities to find in a person when you're a celebrity. When he had witnessed Mike's reaction that morning about him being in the Backstreet Boys he was sure the friendship they had developed would change. But it didn't. If anything it seemed stronger now. Mike was right, they did have a different relationship with each other than they had with other people. They had brutal honesty, proven by the secrets both had revealed to each other last night. What worried Brian was that he almost ruined that when he lied to Mike in the car. He had to be honest with Mike, or he would risk losing him, a thought which he now found terrifying. Brian looked over at Mike and could tell that he was lost in his own thoughts as well. His eyes looked glossy as he stared at the river in front of him. Brian couldn't help but think how beautiful he looked sitting there. He found himself unsure of how he would proceed, thinking that words would never to be enough to express what he felt inside. "Mike," he began. Mike instantly tore his eyes from the water and turned to face him. Brian found a lump forming in his throat and he was suddenly unable to speak when he looked into his eyes. He saw himself swimming in those chocolate eyes and could not force himself to look away. He had never wanted anything more in his life, and he found himself leaning in closer to Mike. Mike was doing the same and before he knew it both of their faces were inches apart. He could feel Mike's breath on his face and he could resist no longer. He closed the gap and planted a sensuous kiss on his friend's lips. He gently moved his lips around to increase the pleasure associated with the close contact and even felt Mike nibbling a little on his bottom lip. Brian wrapped his arms around Mike and soon found a pair of arms embracing him. They sat like that for a long time, neither of them making any further advances. Both were content to enjoy the experience of tasting each other's lips. Finally they parted, but neither made any motions to move too away from one another. They resumed looking into each other's eyes. An unspoken thought passed between them, both had wanted it. Brian found himself reeling inside. All his fears about being alone were washed away, replaced with hope for the future. For the last year he had convinced himself that no one could return his feelings, and after one kiss, he knew he had been wrong. There was someone in front of him that could. Someone special enough to shed light into his darkened heart. Someone he wouldn't be afraid to share himself with. "That was nice," Brian said gently. "Yeah, it was," Mike agreed. "Really nice," he added before looking away. Brian could sense something was troubling his friend, and he quickly found his insecurities returning again. The last thing he wanted to do was lose Mike, and right now that seemed like a definite possibility. He couldn't let that happen. "But...?" Brian asked afraid of what his answer might be. He heard Mike sigh and then he responded, "I shouldn't have let that happen. I'm sorry, Bri, I mean, I know your all confused right now and here I go messing with your head even more. I just had no control, I wanted that so much and I couldn't stop myself. I should have stopped myself, I'm sorry." "You wanted that too?" Brian asked nervously. "Yeah, I mean, yeah. But I shouldn't have. Now I've confused you and messed things up between us," There was a pause before Mike asked in a confused tone, "What do you mean 'too'?" Brian couldn't help but smile. Mike felt the same attraction he did. "I meant that I wanted that kiss just as badly as you." "You did?" Mike asked shocked. "Yeah, I did. So don't beat yourself up over it, okay?" "But you're all confused. You've been through a lot lately and I should have respected that." "I'm not confused about my feelings for you," Brian said placing his hand on Mike's shoulder. "That's the one thing I am sure of right now." Brian could sense what the next question was going to be so he decided to answer it before Mike had a chance to. "I'm not just saying that because you're the person I've been using as my shoulder to cry on and I'm all vulnerable and stuff. I'm saying it because of the person you are, and I can't help but want to get to know you better on a different level." Brian realized there was a struggle going on inside of Mike, and he wanted nothing more than to take him in his arms and try to strip away his fears. Mike finally spoke up, "I guess I'm just afraid. I've never done anything like this before, you know. Yesterday started off like any other, and then I met you. I always knew I was bisexual, but I never even considered starting a relationship with another guy. I'd always fantasized, but never thought I'd meet anyone like you, I guess. It sounds stupid, but your that person I dreamed about and now I don't know what to do about it." Brian felt touched by his words and couldn't resist the urge to hold Mike in his arms any longer. "We do what comes naturally, Mike. We do what's right for us." "I know it's that simple. But, I need to take things slow, okay? I mean, I want nothing more than to be with you, it's just all so new to me." "It is for me too. I don't want to rush things either. We can just enjoy each other's company and take things from there." "I'd like that." "So would I." The two remained in their position for a long time. Brian holding Mike in a tight embrace, both lost in their own thoughts. Neither had felt more comfortable in their lives. For them it was just like that morning when they were cuddled to gether, it felt natural, and neither were in a hurry to change that. The turmoil in Brian's mind he had been feeling for the last year was gone, he finally felt happy, almost complete. He wouldn't be alone forever. Even if this didn't last, at least he had found somebody else to share himself with. Something he thought would never happen. "Brian?" Mike asked, breaking the silence. "Do you want to meet my parents?" "What?" he asked surprised. "I thought you wanted to take things slow." "I do, but, I want you to meet them. They're really great, and I want to share that with you." "I don't know what to say." "Say yes. I want them to meet you." "But, they don't even know about you. Aren't you afraid they may suspect something?" "Even if they do, they won't say anything. They'll wait for me to come to them about it." "I don't know if I can handle it, Mike. This is a little too much pressure, I mean meeting parents is kind of a big step, and the fact they don't know about your, uhh, preferences makes it all the harder." Mike remained silent for a moment, and Brian was afraid he had hurt his feelings. He wanted to meet them, but this seemed a little too premature. Finally Mike spoke up, "When I was a kid, like thirteen, I was having a hard time dealing with some of the feelings I was having. I was already having some urges towards men and it scared the Hell out of me. I had convinced myself that I was gay and I didn't know what to do. I had bought into the stereotypical image of a gay male and figured my life was over. I remember one night it was affecting me pretty bad, and I couldn't take it any more. I needed to talk to someone. I got out of bed and went into my parents room. I woke them up and told them everything I was feeling. They just sat there and listened to everything pouring out of my mouth. When I was finished, my mom came over to me and gave me a big hug. She told me everything was going to be alright and that her and my dad would be there for me, no matter what." Mike turned his head up and looked into Brian's eyes. "You don't know how good that made me feel. We talked about it for a while and my parents were very understanding, saying that it wasn't a bad thing, and that many people had the same urges I did. After that night, I had a close bond with my parents. Just knowing that nothing was going to change between us no matter what I was feeling inside felt really amazing. I knew that they cared." Brian was a little taken aback by the words coming from Mike. 'To have the courage to come out like that to your parents is really something especially at thirteen,' he thought. "As I matured, I realized that it wasn't as bad a thing as I had originally thought, and that the world was still open to me even if I was gay. But, as I went through high school, I realized I had feelings towards women as well, and I just started focusing more of my attention on them. When I went to college, I met Kelly and I was really happy with her for a long time. I think my parents think being attracted to guys was just a phase I went through during puberty, but the feelings I had towards men are still in me. I know that they would understand if I came out and told them what I was feeling now about you. They're pretty fair people in that respect, they don't judge people based on stereotypes, only on what the person is really like. I want you to meet them because they're special to me, and I want you to learn everything you can about me before you have to leave." Brian found himself not believing what his ears were hearing. Mike wanted nothing more than to open up a part of his life to Brian so that he could understand more about the person he was. It was an incredible feeling, Brian admitted to himself. "Mike, I don't know what to say now. Except maybe, that I'd love to meet them." Mike smiled and wrapped his arms around Brian. He was still smiling when he pulled away and Brian couldn't help but think how much his face shined when he was smiling. "Then let's get a move on, man, we have places to go and people to see." "What about the gliding thing?" Brian asked a little disappointed at the prospect of missing out on the new experience. "Well, if you'd been listening in the car, you would have heard me when I told you I couldn't book a plane to take us up until tomorrow. I didn't know what we were doing so I figured we could call back later if you had time to come then." "Oh," he replied blushing. "Sorry." "Brian, don't apologize, I understand. Now you ready, or do I have to carry you?" "No, No, I'm up, I'm up," he said jumping from his seat on the log. "Good the last thing I wanted to do was carry a pile of dead weight." "Is that all I am to you?" He asked jokingly. "Yeah, basically," Mike smiled back. Brian hit him in the arm for that one. They walked back to the car pretty much in silence again and were soon on the road to Mike's parents place. "So, what should I call them? Mr. and Mrs. Baker? Mom and dad? What?" "Uh, no, Jim and Carol will do fine I think." Brian was nervous now at the prospect of meeting Mike's family. He had never done this before with someone more than a friend and he was worried that he might leave a bad impression. He'd heard some horror stories from some of the other guys in the band and he wasn't sure if he was ready for this yet. But it was important to Mike, so he would go, without any hesitation. He just hoped he didn't stick his foot in his mouth too much. A few minutes later, Mike swung the car onto a street in a fantastic neighborhood. All the homes were large with spacious yards and large trees lining the streets. Brian was so busy admiring the homes that he almost didn't notice Mike pulling into a driveway. When he turned to see where they were, he was awed at what a lovely home Mike grew up in. It wasn't a mansion by any means, but it definitely looked like he came from a comfortable family. The only thing missing he noted was a white picket fence and a mailbox by the curb. "Well, this is it. Don't be nervous or anything, you'll love them. They'll make you feel right at home." Both Mike and Brian exited the car, and a nervous feeling in the pit of Brian's stomach began churning away. He was feeling more nervous now then when he went on stage to perform. At least then he had control, right now, he felt like he didn't. As they walked up to the door, Mike gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he smiled over at him. "Bri, you look like your on a death march or something. Relax, my parents are really cool." "I'm sorry, Mike, I can't help it. I've never done anything like this before, you know?" Mike leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Brian's cheek. "I'll be right there. Everything will be fine, I promise." "Okay," he said trying to relax. The two headed up the staircase leading to the main entrance. Mike opened the door, and Brian reluctantly released his grasp from Mike's extended hand. They both entered into the house. "Hello?" Mike bellowed from the foyer. "Anyone home?" "Mike?" Brian heard from a room in front of them. "Is that you?" "Yeah, mom, I'm home," he called back. Brian heard footsteps in another room and suddenly there was a middle-aged woman walking out to greet them. "Well, this is a nice surprise. I missed you," she said going in for a hug. As they broke away she turned to Brian expectantly. "Mom, this is my friend Brian, Brian, my mom Carol." Brian stuck out his hand to greet his mother, but she had other ideas. "Don't be so formal around here, mister. Give me a hug," she chastised moving over to embrace him. "It's nice to meet you," she said into his ear. "Thanks, it's nice to meet you too," Brian replied smiling. "Jim, get your butt down here, your son and his friend are here," she called up to the second floor. "I swear that man is hard of hearing sometimes." "Mike?" Brian heard from the top of the staircase. "What are you doing home?" he asked. "What can't I come home for a visit?" he yelled back up. "Well, yeah, it's just a surprise. A nice one," he said walking down the stairs. He came over and gave his son a hug. "It's been a while." "Yeah, I know I'm sorry, you know how work is," Mike replied blushing. Brian couldn't help but notice how cute and uncomfortable Mike looked under the scrutiny of his father. He could tell he was feeling a little guilty about not visiting as often as he should. His thoughts were interrupted when Carol introduced him to her husband. "And this is Brian, Mike's friend," she said wrapping her arms around his shoulder and pushing him towards Jim. "Hi Brian, I'm Jim, nice to meet you," he said extending his hand. "Same to you, sir," Brian said returning the shake. "Sir?" Jim asked smiling. He turned to his son, "What have you been telling him about us?" Mike just shrugged. He turned back to Brian who was now a bit flushed at the obvious blunder on his part. "Despite what my son may have told you about us, we're not all that bad. You can just call me Jim, and drop all the formal stuff." "Thanks, Jim," Brian managed to say. He was relieved that he was no longer going to be the center of attention. "So," Carol spoke up, "Are you guys going to be able to stay for dinner?" she asked in a hopeful tone. "Yeah, if you don't mind, I thought we could," Mike replied. "Of course not. Your father can throw a couple more steaks on the barbeque for you to eat." She hesitated and then looked over to Brian. "That is, if you're not a vegetarian." "No, no, that sounds perfect," Brian answered. "I love meat." "Good, then that's settled." "Well, why don't we go and sit in the backyard until it's time to start dinner," Jim said pointing towards a doorway. "Alright," Mike agreed. "Anyone want a drink?" "Yeah, why don't you open a bottle of wine and bring out some glasses," his mother suggested. "Sounds good to me," Mike admitted. "Brian, do you like red wine?" "That sounds great," Brian heard himself say enthusiastically. He mentally chided himself and then followed the others into the backyard. As he passed Mike, he received a large smile, and then Mike mouthed 'They like you.' Brian returned the smile and then went outside. As he walked through the door, he froze in his place as he realized that a large German Shepherd was barrelling towards him. He was about to turn and run back into the house when he heard Carol call, "Don't worry Brian, Molson's friendly. She just wants to check out the new person." Sure enough, the pooch came up and began to excitedly sniff at Brian. When she was finished, she licked Brian's hand and then trotted off to where she had come. "Nice dog," Brian commented walking over to the table. As he neared he looked over and saw the dog returning with a frisbee in her mouth. "She must like you," Jim stated after noticing what the dog was doing. "She normally doesn't play frisbee right away with strangers." The dog continued over until she was a few feet away from the table. She dropped the plastic disk and looked expectantly at Brian. He smiled and walked over to the toy. He picked it up and tossed it across the yard. The dog eagerly took off after it, picked it up and then ran back to the deck. Once she was a few feet away, she dropped it back on the ground and stared at Brian again. He repeated this process a few times until he heard Mike from behind him. "Wow, that's incredible. She never does this with people she doesn't know." Brian blushed and then turned to look at the newcomer. He took the offered glass of wine and managed a sip. The flavouring in his mouth was electric and he knew this wasn't going to be his only glass as he had originally planned. As the dog returned, Brian noted that she must have realized that Mike had suddenly appeared on the deck as she was now running over without the frisbee in her mouth. As she approached, Brian heard Mike say happily, "Molson, babe, come here." He knelt down and the dog instantly began licking his face. Mike was laughing and petting the dog. She rolled down on the ground and was permitting him to rub her belly. Brian tried to push away the sudden thought that he would love Mike to do the same thing to him. He knew it sounded kind of strange, but he wanted nothing more than to feel Mike's hands on his body. He wanted to be intimate with him. Maybe not now, it was too early, but soon. Without a doubt, he wanted Mike to be 'the one' when they were both ready. Brian allowed these thoughts to roam through his mind for a while enjoying the euphoric feelings associated with them. He had banished these kind of thoughts for far too long. When Brian finally pried his eyes away from the dog and Mike a few moments later, he noticed Carol looking at him with a confused look on her face. She had somehow picked up that there was something going on inside his mind. "Oh my God,' he thought. 'She knows.' He managed to stagger over to a chair by the table and sit down. Carol was still looking at him, except the look of confusion was now replaced by one of knowing. His actions had tipped her off. Brian felt all the blood rush from his face and he felt fear building in his heart. He had blown it. He was bracing himself for what was going to be said next... To be continued. I hope you guys liked this installment of Brian and Mike. Please send me your comments, concerns, suggestions, etc. to baker021@hotmail.com. I want to know what you guys thought of this part. So, with that, I'm outta here. Later. PS. I'm hoping to write part four soon, but I need some feedback. I have an idea as to the direction of the storyline, but your input helps in determining if I'm on the right track or not.