Challenges

Part XVII

*** Modern Day***

Justin and Jason pulled up outside Matt and Lori’s house. They had gone back to the hotel to shower and get dressed after their day at the rink. Justin turned and let the car idle and looked straight ahead.

“What's wrong?” Jason grabed Justin’s hand and held it.

“Oh nothing.” Justin kept his head on the back of the seat but turned to look at Jason. “I was just thinking about the past. It has been creeping up on me since I returned to New Mexico.”

“Being in familiar territory can bring up those emotions.” Jason rubbed the back of Justin’s hand. “I know when I returned to LA for a visit with family I had some… memories.” He stopped short from going further.

“Why is it that I feel like I have known you forever?” Justin asked without looking away. “We just met, but you are familiar. Like we have been sitting here, at this moment?”

“I have felt the same way.” Jason looked out the front window at Matt’s house. “Maybe it's the dreams? I have been dreaming about you for a long time.”

“True.” Justin grinned. “Of course, some of them were quite… exotic.”

Jason blushed. “Yea.”

“But I loved it.” Justin reached over and kissed Jason on the cheek. “I…” He stopped. It had only been two days. Could you fall so quickly for someone? This was not some high school crush that you just had high school feelings for. They were adults, and this was the real world.

“I have wondered if it is possible too.” Jason responded seeing the look on Justin’s face. “Is it possible to know so quickly?” Jason kissed Justin on the lips. “But in some way, we have known each other for a long time now.”

“I do love you.” Justin spit out. After all he did love Jason. He put that in a letter prior to even knowing who he was. “Is it love, love?”

“Time will tell.” Jason smiled. “And I love you too.”

***

Inside Matt and Lori were busy getting the dinner table ready, and Chris was sitting at the living room coffee table working on his homework.

“What are you working on kid?” Justin asked, sitting down next to Chris.

“Uncle Justin!” Chris jumped up and gave Justin a hug. “Math.”

“I was horrible at that in high school.” Justin chuckled. “I didn’t think it was important, but now, I have to use it all the time.”

“I won’t.” Chris sat back down and got back to work. He paused looking at Jason but didn’t say anything.

Justin got back up and walked to the kitchen holding Jason’s hand.

“Knock, knock.” Justin said walking in.

“Hey sweetie!” Lori smiled as she was pulling a pan out of the oven. Matt was getting something out of the fridge.

“Hey!” Grayson said from the bar. Justin didn’t notice he was there.

“Grayson!” Justin walked over and gave him a hug. “I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Matt said you would be by for dinner tonight and asked if I wanted to join.” He looked at Jason. “Hi, I’m Grayson.”

“Oh I am sorry.” Justin fumbled. “This is Jason. We are on a date.” He blushed.

“Didn’t know you had been seeing someone.” Grayson got up and walked over to shake Jason’s hand.

“We met on the plane from Seattle.” Justin blushed. It sounded odd that he was already bringing a guy he just met to his brothers for dinner.

“Well…” Grayson said not sure how to respond. “That's good.”

Matt walked by holding a pitcher of tea to the dining room table. “I actually met Jason when I was on my mission in LA. Justin figured it out last night and brought him by to say hi. So he is pretty much in the family already.” He came back from the dining table and slugged Justin in the arm. “Maybe it will be official one day.”

Justin blushed, and felt his face turn red.

“Matt!” Lori said putting rolls in a basket. “Leave the poor child alone.”

“Yes mom.” Matt gave Lori a kiss on the cheek.

***

They all gathered around the large dining room table. Justin and Jason on one side, Chris and Grayson on the other, and Lori and Matt at the ends of the table.

“So what did you do today?” Lori asked Justin and Jason. There was a glint in her eye like she was up to no good.

“We went ice skating.” Justin put a pile of mashed potatoes in his mouth. He knew Lori was wanting more details. Lucky for him, Chris was sitting at the table.

“What do you do for a living Jason?” Grayson asked with a smile.

“I am a flight attendant.” He took a sip of tea. “We were on an almost empty flight and Justin took up a conversation with me.”

“That’s cool.” Grayson chuckled. “I work for Matt. Work on cancer research.”

“That is awesome!” Jason looked excited. “That is such great work. So many people are impacted by it.”

“Yes.” Grayson just nodded.

“Are you staying the night again?” Matt asked absently.

“No.” Justin said blushing. “I think I am good tonight.”

“But you are staying in Albuquerque, correct?” Lori asked, again with the look in her eyes.

“I think so?” Justin looked at Jason. He had not asked if he could stay another night.

“Yes you are.” Jason reached over under the table and squeezed Justin’s leg. “I only have one more day here.”

Matt laughed. “How was school today Chris?”

“Good.” Chris was moving his food around the plate by now. The adults were talking about things that did not interest him. “I still have some reading to do, but I will get that done before bed.”

“How is Steven?” Lori asked. Justin noticed that he turned a little red at the question.

“He is good.”

“So do you go to church anymore Jason?” Matt decided to get the topic to something else.

“I… um…” Jason looked down, embarrassed. “I stopped going. I decided I could not attend and be gay at the same time.”

“I see.” Matt responded softly, but not trying to sound judgemental. “It is a difficult decision to make, and one that I am sure agonized you. I am glad you are safe and happy.”

“I stopped going too.” Justin decided to jump it attempting to make Jason feel better.

Matt nodded.

***13 years ago***

School was about to start in a week, and Justin would be a junior. The years had flown by, just like everyone had told him they would. He had been happy, as he was able to have some time to spend with Nate as his dad hired him again. The only difference this time was they were not allowed to have their sleep overs, and they were rarely assigned to the same areas to work.

But on days off they would spend as much time as they could together, along with their friends. Cody was doing better, and was able to get around but still needed the aid of a cane. He had lost so much of his body mass, but was still as great looking as ever. Even when he was not attempting to keep up his workouts he still managed to look better than everyone else.

Matt was still doing all the things that the Bishop had asked him and was actively participating and filling out leadership roles. Things had been going good, and so far he had been able to reconcile his sexuality with the church's teachings.

Once a year the Stake (basically the district region of the Church) would come to each of the local Churches and hold a special service. These were usually done to affirm Stake leaders, and to make other important information known to the area members and to have a chance to get to know those area leaders.

The first Sunday in August happened to be that Sunday. Typically Justin would have to go early to have his leadership meeting, but today that was not needed. He still showed up early to help get things ready for the daily worship and meetings.

As he was finishing up his duties the Bishop made his way over to him.

“Good morning Justin.” The Bishop greeted him with the usual cheerful smile and warm handshake. “How are you?”

“Good, Bishop. And yourself?”

“Well. Well.” The Bishop paused for a moment and looked around. The Stake President had arrived and was chatting with some of the members. “Can you come to my office real quick? Before the meetings start?”

“Sure.” Justin looked around. “I am done so we can go now.”

Justin followed the BIshop to his office which was just down the hall from the chapel area. Standing waiting at the door was Nate and Cody.

“Thanks for coming.” The Bishop said as he unlocked the door and he held it open for them to enter. “Please have a seat.”

The Bishop closed the door and went to his normal chair. His smile that was normally present had faded to more of a frown. There was sadness in his eyes.

“Boys,” the Bishop started with a deep sigh. “There is usually a protocol to everything, and I am breaking that protocol right now. I hope that what I am about to tell you stays here for the time being. It will be made public in a bit, but for now it is not known.”

Justin could feel his stomach flipped. Usually the Bishop was very cheerful and attempted to make everyone at ease.

“As you know,” he continued, “I have been the Bishop for 6 years now. Typically they change Bishops from time to time. And I am sad to say that my time is up. They will be calling a new Bishop to serve today, and I will be released.”

All three of the boys took a deep breath. This was not unusual, or a criticism laid on a person that was performing ‘badly.’ It was just the way things were. The goal was to give others the opportunity to lead.Being Bishop was a stressful job after all. Not only were they the spiritual leader of the church, but they were also human and had a full time job outside of the Church.

Justin now knew why he wanted to talk to the three of them. The three of them were unique in the church and had to deal with things the other members did not have too.

“I only tell you this because I know the situation you three are in.” The Bishop leaned back in his chair. “I have dealt with the situation the best way I knew how. I did not see any reason that you should not keep serving in the Church as you havent done anything wrong, or at least have not told me. You are all up front and honest so I don’t doubt you.”

“I will not lie to you. Some of the members think I have been too lax on you. I should have been more aggressive in attempting to make you see the ‘error’ of your ways.” He started to drum on the desk a bit. He was getting nervous, and Justin could see the worry in his eyes. “I am not sure who they are going to call to be the next Bishop. I do not know how they feel about any of this, and I am sure that he will have questions, sooner than later.” He clasped his hands together, apparently not knowing what else to do with them. “I wanted to let you know things may change. I pray that the next Bishop has the same insight I do, and that he is willing to see past the idea and not treat you any different than I have.”

Cody and Nate sat in silence. Justin could feel his heart start to slow down. He felt the world coming to a slow crawl. He wanted to not be here at this moment. It had been a good few years, and the Bishop had been great. Maybe the next person would be okay.

He ran all the people that could possibly be the next Bishop through his head. He could feel his heart start to speed up, and he was sure it was going to jump out of his chest.

“I did talk to the Stake President about my concerns, and he seemed sympathetic, but he said that was an internal Ward [local Church] issue.” The Bishop leaned back. “The Bishop has to follow the spirit and that is where he left it.” He did look apologetic. “Stay strong, and know that I love you.”

The Bishop stood up and with no ceremony walked out the door leaving the three to sit and contemplate.

They sat in silence, until they heard the organ start to play, signifying that services were about to start. They looked at each other, and nodded. An unspoken statement of friendship and love for one another. This would be another challenge that they would have to face, but it would be together.

The only thing that Justin wished at that moment was Matt.

***

After the sacrament had been passed out, Nate and Justin joined Cody sitting along the back wall where he had been sitting handing out programs. Of course he had to field 100 questions, all the same. “How are you doing?” But he enjoyed being back with his friends and getting back to life as usual.

The Stake President stood up and took the podium. He was a chubby man, but tall.

“Brother’s and sister’s.” He started looking at his notes. “Today we are thankful for all that you do for our Heavenly Father, and we thank all of you for the service that you dedicate to that service. As you know Bishop McGowan has been in service for 6 years now, and as a Stake Presidency we feel that he has served his time, and at this time we would like to relieve him of that position.” The Bishop stood up from his seat and walked to the podium. “To show a sign of thanks and appreciation for his service, will those in attendance please affirm with the raising of your right hand.”

Everyone in the congregation raised their right hand to signal that they were appreciative. There was no clapping, or hooting, just a simple gesture to show that you were grateful for the sacrifice of both time and family to do this job. Another reason that Bishiops only served for a short time was that it did take them away from their families and they were not paid for the time they gave up.

“Thank you Bishop McGowan.” McGowan went back and took his seat. “Now I would like call Brother Portland as the next bishop.”

Justin was sitting between Cody and Nate. He was holding both their hands and he could feel them both squeeze them. This was not good. Richard Portland was a farmer that lived just south of where his dad lived. His mother and Portland’s mother were close friends, and they tended to share the same view points on many things. To add to this, Portland was one of the outspoken that thought that anyone who had same-sex attraction should not be allowed to serve in Chruch positions.

“Those who support this decision and find Brother Portland in good standing to serve in this position please show by raising of the right hand.” He waited as the congregation raised their hands to show they knew nothing that would keep him from serving in this position. “Those who know of a reason that Brother Portland is not in good standing, please show with the same signal.” This was just a formality. No one ever raised their hand, even if they knew of a reason. It was too embarrassing, and to be the one to call someone out? No one would raise their hand.

Justin turned the rest of the meeting out. He could feel anxiety welling up, as he knew things were going to take a turn.

***

As expected the new Bishop asked for the three boys to stay after Church for individual meetings. Not the group meeting like Bishop McGown gave, but individual, we need to talk about personal issues, meeting.

Nate was first, and he was in the office for roughly 12 minutes. He came out and immediately walked out the front door, without saying a thing to the other two. Justin wanted to jump up and follow.

“Justin.” The new Bishop called stepping out his door. “Can you please come in here?”

Justin swallowed hard and got up. He walked past Cody, who squeezed his hand.

The room, of course, was still the same.

“Please have a seat.” The Bishop motioned to a chair as he sat down. Justin stared at the chair for a moment before deciding to take a seat. “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know.” Justin decided to just be honest. He wasn’t sure how he was feeling, and Bishop Portland did not have the same warm feelings that Bishop McGraw had.

“I see. Why do you not know how you feel?”

“After I saw Nate run out I figured this was not going to go well. How should I feel about that?” He didn’t intend for it to sound so aqusational, but there it was: sharp and bitter.

“I just wanted to have a visit with you, and see how you are.” Bishop Portland leaned back in his chair. “I know you have been struggling with some things, and I wanted you to know that I am here to help you get over those things.”

“Get over them?” Justin leaned forward in his chair. Anxiety was giving way to anger.

“Well yes.” He smiled for the first time, but it was more sly; slippry. “I know that Bishop McGraw allowed for you to indulge in these feelings, but it is time you have moved on. You are about to be a junior and should be thinking about a mission and getting married.”

Justin didn’t say anything. He could feel his back tense up and a headache was coming on.

“Do you follow the law of chastity?” The Bishop simply asked.

“Yes.” Nate had always said this. He had done nothing wrong, and nothing more than a straight person who was keeping the law of chastity.

“Do you have same-sex attraction?”

“You know I do.” Justin responded. The Bishop was toying with him.

“Are you in a relationship with another male?”

“You know I am.” Anger melted to rage.

“Then how can you be living the law of chastity?” The Bishop leaned forward, either oblivious to the anger in Justin’s eyes, or enjoying it too much.

“I have done nothing else that a straight person would do.”

“But you are doing it with another man.” The Bishop smiled again. “That in itself is against the law of chastity. You cannot be in the right if you are engaging with another man. Even if it is not sexual in nature, simply having these thoughts is impure. You must turn away. You must turn from this. We can work on it.”

A strange feeling came over Nate. In his mind he thought back to that day on the river where Matt comforted him then. One day he would have to make a choice, and it would be his choice. His range boiled off and he could feel a cold calm come over him, as if a switch were turned off. This interview meant nothing to him. This was all just a farce, a pretend showing. This whole thing was a shame, and he was not going to endure it.

“Bishop,” Justin said standing up from his chair. “Have a great day.” And walked out the door, leaving the Bishop with an open mouth.

He stopped in the lobby and grabbed Cody’s hand.

“Come on Cody.” He smiled. “Let’s get out of here.”

Cody stood up in his clunky way, and started to make his way to the door with Justin.

“Cody...” the Bishop came out but stopped as he saw Justin leading Cody by the hand.

“No Bishop.” Justin said, opening the door and letting Cody exit first. “You may not.”

***