Challenges

Part XVIII

***

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Matt

***Modern Day***

The sun filtered in through the curtains of the hotel room. Justin lay awake looking at Jason sleep. The feeling was familiar, as if he had done this 100 times before. He reached over and traced the lines of a scare on his forearm.

“Mornin.” Jason mumbled with his eyes closed.

“Mornin.” Justin leaned over and kissed his neck. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” Jason started to laugh. “Which is odd because they cry every 2 hours.”

“Well…” Justin started to roll over onto Jason. “I think I could handle that if it should ever happen.”

***13 years ago***

Justin rolled over in his bed as the alarm clock went off.

6:30 AM.

He turned it off and rolled back over.

It was the first Sunday after his interview with the new bishop, and he had no intention of going back to Church. He was done.

He drifted back to sleep.

***

A knock at the door woke him up again.

“Justin.” It was his mom. “It’s 7:00. You need to get up and get ready.”

Justin didn’t respond. He wasn’t going to get into it, and figured if he just ignored her she would go away.

“Justin.” another knock.

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

“I am not going.” Justin retorted. He knew it was going to be a bit harder but he would not subject himself to that type of ridicule.

The door opened and his mother walked in. “You have duties that you cannot back out of now.” She walked over and sat down on the bed.

“Not anymore I don’t.” Justin moved himself closer to the opposite edge. “I am not needed, nor am I wanted.”

“This is what you needed to begin with.” His mother said with spite. “Bishop McGraw is a good man, but he should have put an end to this all. Your brother…”

“Leave Matt out of this!” Justin turned around and screamed at his mother. He knew this would draw the attention of his dad to his room but he didn’t care. “Matt knows more about anything. I am who I am, and I will not change it.”

“Get ready.” His mother stood up and started to walk away. “You are going.”

Justin rolled back over and ignored her demand.

She walked out the door with a huff. He knew that his father would be in at any time.

He waited and nothing. No footsteps, no calling from downstairs. It was silent.

He drifted back to sleep.

***

Justin awoke to the sound of the front door closing. He looked at his clock.

8:00 AM.

He looked out the window and saw that his parents were leaving for church. He sighed as he thought about the implications of not going. Would he ever return to Church? Bishop McGraw was open and loving, and understood his situation. He had not done anything anyone else had done. Why was he getting punished for this?

He rolled over on his back and looked at the ceiling. He was rubbing his stomach as he thought. He wondered if Nate would be at Church today. Maybe he should have gone. At least he could have some time with him. Of course now that the Bishop was against their relationship, it might have made things worse.

There were so many things to consider, and he could feel his anxiety started to grow. He was running various scenarios through his head. Was Nate at Church wondering if he was sick? Was he at Church thinking that he was mad? Was Nate at home? Should he try to call to see if he was home?

He wanted to do something, and suddenly felt bad that he decided to stay home. But he did not want to deal with the ridicule that the new Bishop had placed on him. He was not going to give himself to being called out on something he did not do, nor did he do wrong. The Church was wrong. He loved Nate, and his love was just as valid as anyone else's.

He rolled out of bed and trodded downstairs. He was going to see if Nate was home. He picked up the phone and hesitated before he started to dial the number. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, or what would happen if he didn’t answer.

He took a deep breath, and dialed the number.

The ringing seemed to go on forever, but eventually the line picked up.

“Hello?” the voice on the other end sounded like it had just woken up.

“Nate!” Justin said with excitement. He hadn’t gone to Church after all.

“Hey love.” Nate responded with a bit more energy in his voice. “Didn’t go to Church either huh?”

“No.” Justin played with the fringe on the edge of the table. “I didn’t feel like going after last week. I think the Bishop made it clear to us that we were not really welcome anymore.”

“Same.” there was a pause. “I am sorry I didn’t call you this week. And that I just ran out of the building like that.”

“It’s okay.” Justin smiled. “I could have tried to call as well, but I had to think it through. I didn’t even let Cody go in to talk to the Bishop. I just dragged him out of the building.”

“Good!” Nate chuckled. “He didn’t deserve that on top of all the other stuff he is going through.”

“Hey,” Justin had a thought. “Want to come over? We can go for a walk on the river?”

“Sure!” Nate said, sounding more alive. “I will be over in about an hour?”

“Sounds good.” He paused, and looked around. He wasn’t sure why as he was alone and no one would be around to answer him. “I love you.”

“Love you too!” and he hung up.

***

They both stopped at a side bench along the path they had been wandering. It was a familiar path, but it was nice that they were alone and could spend quality time together. It felt odd and chaotic that they were doing this on a Sunday, when normally they would be at Church learning the important stuff.

“Do you feel bad not being at Church?” Nate asked, sitting down on the bench and pulling a bottle of water out of his bag.

“No.” Justin sat down next to him and put an arm around Nate’s shoulder. “I miss seeing everyone. But I enjoy this better.” They were about 10 feet from the river which had a small stream running down the middle.

During the summer months the river ran almost dry as the majority was diverted off to farmers. When it rained up north the river would still run full, but there had not been any rain for almost a month.

“I wonder if Cody went?” Nate mused as he ran his hand along Justin’s leg. “I mean, you took him out before the Bishop could talk to him.”

“I gave him the rundown.” Justin had a slight bite to his voice as he thought about that meeting. “I don’t see why he would, but then again, he may not have had a choice in the matter. His parents are more extreme.” They sat in silence for a bit, listening to the wind blow the cottonwoods and the birds chirping.

“So where do we go from here?” Nate asked.

“We can keep walking this, and it loops back to the car.” Justin looked down the path.

“No.” Nate chuckled. “I mean, about our relationship. Where do we go from here? We only held back because we were trying to stay in good standing so that we could keep our Church duties. That is no longer the case. Is it?”

Justin sat and thought for a bit. He had thought the same thing earlier in the week. If they were no longer able to serve, and just being together was a problem, then why should they wait? Why should they keep avoiding going to the next step? He sucked on the inner side of his cheek.

“I…” Justin started but stopped. “I thought about it, but I don’t know. I am happy with you as it is.” He looked at Nate who was staring at the small stream of water flowing. He didn’t look upset or happy, just in his own thoughts. “Are you wanting to go further?”

“To be honest,” Nate said with a nervous laugh, “I am not sure myself.” He rubbed his hands, but still didn’t look at Justin. “I am happy where we are as well.” He finally turned his head to look into Justin’s eyes. “I think we should let it happen when it happens.” He put his hand up to Justin’s face. “I don’t think it is off the table anymore. But I think we should let it happen when we are both in a good position to let it happen.”

He leaned over and gave him a deep kiss. This time there was more passion behind it, more energy, as if there was a dam that had been removed, that no longer inhibited their true feelings.

***

After they got back to the house, Justin called to see if Cody was at home. The phone rang continuously until the answering machine picked up.

“I guess he went to church.’ Justin shrugged and hung up.

Nate was sitting at the dining room table, absently playing with a napkin. Justin looked at the clock.

“Hate to be the one,” Justin said with a sigh, “But parents should be home in about 30 minuets. I am not sure my mom would be too happy with you sitting in the house.”

“I know.” Nate stood up and walked over to Justin and pulled him in for a hug. “I wish your mom was like your dad. He is calm, cool, and carefree.”

“Me too.” Justin reached in for a kiss.

***