*** Modern Day***

Justin rummaged through his closet looking for something to wear to meet Nate. He knew it was just a meeting to say goodbye, but he still wanted to go dressed decent. He found a purple shirt that he could live with, and decided on jean shorts and his sandals. He set them on the bed, and went to go and get a shower.

His phone went off as he was leaving the room. He walked over to see who it was.

"Hey sweetness." He said into the phone as he picked up. It was Kimberly.

"Hey man stud." Kimberly said back. "How you doing?"

"Doing good." He sat down on the bed with a smile on his face. He loved talking to Kimberly. He was also happy that his job allowed him to travel and get to see her on a frequent basis. "About to jump in the shower, but I will talk with you instead!"

"Sweet." She giggled on the other side of the phone. "How is home?"

"Good. Mom is still insisting I find a woman, but that's nothing new." Justin paused for a moment then jumped in with the big news he learned last night. "Matt and Lori are going to have a baby!"

"Awesome." She said excited. "I know they have been trying very hard. Tell them we said congratulations."

"Speaking of we," Justin grinned, "How is the Senator?" He liked to call Kimberly's husband the Senator, since that was his position. Even to his face it was always `the Senator'.

"The Senator is doing good." Kimberly laughed on the other end. "When you coming for another visit?"

"I think I am coming out next month to work on an update for the DOD." Justin said. "Should take a couple of weeks. So plenty of time to visit."

"Great. The Senator and I will be happy to see you. You are staying with us right?"

"Wouldn't miss it!"

"So have you seen him yet?" Kimberly said with a bit of hesitation. She knew this was a sore subject as she had been there to help pick up the pieces.

"I am this afternoon." Justin said with a frown. He knew Kimberly cared and was not asking to be nosey like others might. "I was going to stop the moment I got into town, but he was in the midst of a wedding party thing."

"Wedding?" Kimberly said the word with more of a half snort, half chuckle.  "Who's the broad he is marrying?"

"Sarah." He waited for Kimberly's reaction, but he didn't hear anything. "Kim?"

"Oh. That's interesting." She said after a bit longer pause. "That's real interesting."

"Why is that?" Justin asked feeling a knot grow in his stomach. "Why interesting?"

"Well, I don't know if I should say." Kimberly said with a bit of hesitation. "I never knew if it was true or not."

"What?" Justin said with more of a demanding and screaming voice than he felt.

"I don't know how true it is Justin." Kimberly hesitated again.

"Tell me."

"Well there were rumors prior to him leaving you that he and Sarah were…" she hesitated again not sure if she should continue, but decided to do so. "Romantically involved."

Justin sat for a moment thinking about what was said. He felt he should be shocked, but somehow he knew this might have been the case.

"Sweetie?" Kimberly asked not sure if the phone had been dropped. "Are you okay?"

"Yea." Justin said thinking absently. His mind was trying to decide if the rumor was just that, or if there were signs it would be true.

"After he left college, he moved to California, where everyone lost contact." Kimberly continued to try to fill in any blanks that Justin had not known about. "No one knew what happened to him. Even his parents rarely heard from him. He returned home about a year ago, but still most of his life was a mystery to his old friends."

"A year ago?" Justin was trying to connect dots but none were forming. "That's when he contacted Matt."

"He did me too." Kimberly said with a bit of anger in her voice. "Wanted to try and patch up our friendship. I told him that I was loyal to you, since we were friends prior to his arrival. Told him if he wanted to patch things up with us, he would have to patch it up with him."

"Interesting." Justin said thinking about it. "That fills in some pieces as to why he would contact Matt."

"Sorry love." Kimberly said quietly. "I know this is hurting more, and I hope you can work things out."

"I am sure we will." Justin was formulating in his mind how he would handle this new information. "Why didn't you tell me about this rumor prior to now?"

"Rumors are not something I like to spread." Kimberly said. "I am not sure the information is reliable. It was from one of Sarah's sorority sisters, and I figured it was rivalry in the sorority. Maybe trying to get me to turn against Sarah or something. I never heard anyone else talk about it."

"I understand." Justin said playing with the hem of his shirt laying on the bd. "I think I better jump in the shower and get ready. I will call you later and let you know what happens."

"Love you." Kimberly said.

"Love you too sweetie." Justin replied and put the phone down. He got up and went to take a shower.

***

Justin walked into his room after taking a shower and looked at the clothes on his bed. He looked at the clothes for a moment and went back to his closet to look for some new clothes. He was able to find a dark blue button up shirt, and his pair of khaki pants. He looked at them both for a moment before convincing himself that he needed to wear them.

After he finished getting dressed he pulled out his pair of dress shoes and put them next to the bed to put on later. He sat on the edge of the bed looking around his room. There was something he was missing, but he knew it was somewhere in his room.

A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts.

"Come in." He said at the door, and remembered where he had kept the old bottle.

"Hey champ." Matt came in. "Nate said you contacted him and are…" Matt stopped short and looked at Justin looking in the nightstand drawer. "What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed." Justin said finding a bottle of cologne in the back of the drawer. He put it up to his nose and sniffed. He grinned and sprayed it on his clothes. "Long time since I wore this."

"Justin." Matt said with a frown on his face, and look of disgust. "You don't know what you doing."

"Of course I do." Justin sat down on the bed. He was calm and collected. "I am going to see Nate, and allow him to have `closure'. If by chance sights, smells, or other things help to widen that pain, then it just happens to do that." He pulled on the dress shoes. "I should have shined these."

"If you do this," Matt sat down next to him, "you will not be able to look yourself in the mirror again. You will feel regret that will never disappear."

Justin stood up and walked to the mirror to make sure he looked appropriate. After he was satisfied he turned to Matt.

"I have a hard time looking at myself now." Justin grabbed his phone and keys to the car and headed to the door. "He did this. He now can deal with it."

Matt watched as Justin left the room, shaking his head.

***

Justin sat in his car outside of Nate's house. He was getting a pit in his stomach at the encounter he was about to have. He looked in the review mirror and was not happy with who he saw. Maybe Matt was correct. Maybe what he was about to do was the wrong thing. He sighed and climbed out of the car.

"Lets get this over with." Justin said to himself. "Make a fool of myself and get out of there."

He approached the door and knocked on the door. He felt a moment of déją vu, as he recalled the night Matt and he had arrived to make his first official date. He looked down at his clothes and realized how much of an ass he was. He wished he could run home and change, but it was too late.

The door opened and he saw Nate's mom standing in the door. She saw who it was and a big smile came across her face.

"Justin!" She said reaching out and giving him a big hug "I have not seen you..." She trailed off.  "Sorry." She frowned. "I am sorry."

"It is okay." Justin smiled. "I am a sure things happen for the best. Is Nate home yet?"

"Yes." She opened the door wide and stepped aside to allow Justin to walk through. "He is in the living room."

Justin walked into the hallway, and felt a wave of emotions wash over him. He felt he was prepared for this, but as it turned out his emotions were not strong enough. He stopped just inside the door and stopped. He closed his eyes, and took several deep breaths. He felt a hand on his back.

"Are you okay?" Nate's mom asked.

"Yes." Justin opened his eyes and smiled. "Just felt dizzy."

He made his way to the living room, again feeling the emotions from that night. This was far more difficult then he had imagined. He almost turned and ran out the door, but willed himself to continue.

He reached the opening to the living room and looked in. The room was different as there was new furniture and arrangement. Nate was sitting on the far side of the room on a couch looking at a book with a woman sitting next to him. He remembered Sarah, and immediately the feeling of de ja vu left him and the anger returned.

Nate heard Justin walking down the steps into the living room and looked up. His face turned into a bright smile. He put the book aside and got up to give Justin a hug.

"Hey!" He said as he put his arms out to provide the hug. Justin put up his hand and stepped back. "I don't blame you." He turned to Sarah. "You remember Justin?"

"Hey Justin." Sarah smiled at Justin. "Good to see you."

Justin's face gave no emotion, and ignored Sarah's statement. Nate frowned, pain formed on his face. He walked over to Sarah and leaned over to whisper something in her ear. She smiled and stood up and patted his face and walked out of the room.

Nate turned his attention back to Justin. Justin saw all the features he had enjoyed before. The blond hair, the bright blue eyes that he could get lost in. Justin shook his head as he resisted the urge to grab Nate and kiss him.

"I am here." Justin said with a bit of spite in his voice. "What did you want?"

"I can't blame you for being angry." Nate said as he sat back down on the couch. He put his hands between his knees and looked at the floor. "I should not have left you like that. I was afraid and figured that it was the best thing to do."

Justin crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "And what made you want to leave? I thought you were happy?"

"I was." Nate said looking at Justin, tears formed in his eyes, and Justin felt his heart start to soften. Nate looked pitiful, and weak. "I know there is no excuses for my behavior. After we made love that one night, I felt like I had made a mistake my whole life. I felt that I was not being fulfilled like I should have been. I wanted to go and find myself. Find what it is that I was." He looked down at the floor again as tears rolled down his face. "I left to figure it out. I should have told you."

Justin walked over and sat down next to Nate. Nate inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked Justin with tears falling down his face.

"You must really hate me." Nate said moving further away from Justin. Further away from the smell that he loved so much about Justin.

"And what did you find out?" Justin asking, ignoring the apparent pain now registered on his face. He had a hard time resisting the urge to smile, knowing he had nailed the emotional wound with a giant hammer.

"I still don't know." Nate shrugged wiping the tears from his face. "I still have feelings for you. I still love you. Never stopped. But I also discovered that a woman made me feel more fulfilled. That is what I needed in my life."

"7 years with me, and that is your conclusion?" Justin said through his teeth as now his urge to kiss Nate turned into an urge to deck him. "7 years of unhappiness?"

"They were great years." Nate said looking at Justin. "I will cherish them, but now I must move on. Sarah has been very understanding, and I would like to become friends again with you." Nate smiled in an attempt to easy Justin's anger that was boiling up. Justin had to close his eyes and take several breaths. "I want you to come to the wedding. I want you to be part of my life again."

Justin's mind snapped as he heard the request.

"Come to the wedding?!" He screeched the wedding part, and flew up off the couch. "You leave me hanging after 7 years, and now you ask me to come to your wedding and to be part of your life?!" His voice got louder as he was speaking.

"I want use to be friends." Nate said his eyes showed deep pain, and again tears started to fall down his face. "You were an important part of my life. You are still. I tried to get ahold of you, but no one was willing to help until recently."

"Matt." Justin said. "You knew he could not turn you down, because he is that type of person."

"I need to be forgiven Justin." Nate said standing up. "I need to know that you have moved on and have had a good life. That I did not mess it up to badly."

"Before I forgive you on any level, I need to know something." Justin said willing himself to not give in to a man he still had feelings for. He looked Justin square in the face, and clasped his hand behind his back. "I want you to be honest with me. Don't lie."

"Okay." Nate said. Hope was in his voice. Hope that Justin new was about to die as quick as it was born.

"Did you mess around with Sarah while we were still together?" Justin felt his heart turn colder then ever before, which scared him a little. How could he have such animosity? The anger and hate that he had held back for years boiled to the top. It was a feeling he was terrified and exited at the same time.

Nate looked at the ground without responding. Justin's emotions became more embedded in his heart, as his mind turned evermore to anger, and revenge.

"Well?" Justin dropped his hands from behind his back, and demanded an answer. "Answer me!"

Nate looked up, his face looked tired, and he was pale. Justin new the answer before Nate whispered it softly, attempting to mask the reality.

"Yes."

"Was this before or after we had sex?"

Nate had tears in his eyes again, and he started to shake his head. "I had to know. I had to know what I was, and what I wanted. Like Matt…"

"DON'T use Matt as an excuse for any of your divulgences!" Justin screamed at Nate. "You wanted me to come here and forgive you for leaving me without so much as a goodbye or a note!" Justin took several steps towards Nate, clasping his hands into fists. The anger flowed through him. "I am not going to forgive you. I am not going to give you the closure you need. I hope the emotional scare you gave yourself never heals, and you have a hellish life!" He was yelling at the top of his lungs. He knew Nate's mom and Sarah would have heard him by now. "Don't EVER contact me or my brother again!" He spun around on his heals and walked briskly towards the door, almost running over Sarah as she came into the room upon hearing the argument.

"Justin…" she said but stopped as she could see the fire in his eyes.

"I hope you two are happy." Justin gave a smirk as he passed Sarah. He climbed the steps that lead to the hallway that would lead to the door. He started to walk out, but turned around with a large smile on his face and he had pulled his full height to show dominance. His demoner changed from anger to calmness. He no longer felt the urge to shout again.

"Something you may want to know Sarah. Nate wanted to find out what he was, so he had the opportunity. When we fucked he wanted to be the bottom. He squealed like a little pig as I pounded his ass with my cock. He squealed that he wanted it harder and faster. He couldn't get enough of it. He even came without me touching him. He may not have felt fulfilled by the act, but I filled his ass. Maybe when he decides you aren't enough to fulfill him, you can try that maneuver." He looked at Nate whose face had become a mix of horror and shock as he described the event. "Who knows? Maybe he is getting it from someone else, just because he feels the need to get fucked. Better get that strap-on ready for more action." He spun around as he could tell he had torn Nate apart on the inside, and that he had done damage to both Sarah and Nate. He smiled as he walked out of the house.

***

Justin made it to his car shaking. He had never done anything so vicious in his life. The outburst made him sick to his stomach, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He grabbed the wheel and placed his head on it. Matt was right. He would regret his actions.

He started the car and headed towards the one place he felt he could find some comfort in his darkest hour.  

***

Justin stood on the edge of the cliff looking down into the canyon. He had discovered this spot once when he was hiking with Matt in Box Canyon. He found it was nice as it was high up, and he could look out and see some distance. The wind blew softly through the pine trees and the air was fresh. Birds chirped in the distance and he felt his anger slowly melt.

He still played back the scene in his head. The anger he felt, the pure animalistic anger he felt towards Nate; The need to shame him, and the need to seek vengeance. Was it that important? He wanted to call Kimberly and let her knew what he did. Get her perspective of the situation, but he wanted peace for a while.

The sound of rocks behind him made him smile for a moment, but that disappeared almost as quick as it came.

"I wish to be alone." Justin said without turning around. He knew who it was.

"I figured you would be up here." Matt spoke back to him and he came up beside him with his hands behind his back. "Once you found this place, you always ran to escape. Be away from everyone. I figured you would come here to escape your own personal demons."

"What demons would that be?" Justin turned to look at Matt. His anger was boiling again.

"The demon you created inside you when you decided that shaming Nate was better than forgiving him." Matt just looked out over the canyon. "I can see why you like it here."

Justin snorted at Matt and turned his attention back to his view. "I should have known the bastard would call you. When in trouble, who better to call but my good old brother Matt. He will save the day."

"Don't take it out on me." Matt turned to face him fully. "You are the one that did this. I told you not to do it. That you would have a hard time facing yourself in the mirror."

Justin turned to face Matt. "I actually feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I wish I had done this the moment I came back into town. In front of all his family and friends. How delightful that would be." Justin turned on his heals and started to walk back towards his car.

Matt followed Justin back down the small winding path towards the bottom of the canyon. He had hoped to stay here alone for at least another hour. Now that was ruined.

"You don't mean that." Matt feels into step behind him. "You are hurting. Why else would you have come up here? You only come here when you are hurting."

"My big brother." Justin started to walk faster. "The all knowing one. Always trying to help when his help is not asked for. You stick your nose into other people's business way to often. In fact if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't be in this mess. You should have just let me and Nate go our separate ways in high school."

"Now hold on just a moment!" Matt grabbed Justin's arm to stop him. Justin whirled around and slugged Matt square in the jaw, catching him off balance and by surprise. Matt fell to the ground and Justin continued to walk away.

Before Justin could turn around, he heard a rush behind him and the weight of a body colliding into him. Both bodies rolled down the slope a bit and they came to a tussle, each attempting to get dominance over the other. Once upon a time Justin was no match for Matt, but not they were equal. Matt had slouched in taking care of his physical prowess, and Justin had taken advantage of a gym plan at work.

Every now and then one would get in a good punch, causing the other to grunt in pain. But for the majority they just rolled around on the ground, occasionally rolling into a tree, or rolling further down the path.

After 10 minuets of fighting they slowly started to ease up. Justin and Matt were both panting hard as they came to a stop under a tree. Justin was crying. Matt grabbed him and held him tight.

"I put everything into that relationship." Justin said between sobs. "I loved him like no other. I wanted to make him happy and I thought I had made him happy." Matt just patted Justin's hair, that was now full of pine needles, dirt, and who knew what other organic matter. "Why couldn't he tell me he was having thoughts about women? Or wanted to find out these things? Why did he just have to leave and not say anything."

Matt knew he didn't have to say anything, and that Justin needed to just vent.

"He told me the day he left that he loved me and that I was the best thing that happened to him. Who the hell does that shit?" Justin sobbed harder. "And then he comes back and he has the gal to ask me for forgiveness AND to come to his wedding. He can rot in hell."

Justin continued to cry for a bit longer, and Matt just held him. He needed the fight. He needed the tears. He needed to forgive himself.

"You are going to be okay Justin." Matt finally said, as it was apparent the sobbing was coming to an end. "You have made it this far, and have turned into a wonderful person. You may even have another relationship that might just turn into something more wonderful. You are going to have to forgive Nate. But most of all, you are going to have to forgive yourself. We all have those dark challenges. How we respond to those challenges is how we prove who we are."

"Do I have to forgive him?" Justin said looking at Matt.

"If you don't you will never truly move on." Matt grinned. "Now lets go and get home to shower. Lori and I have to get on the road tonight so Chris can go to school and I can get to work tomorrow."

"Oh that's right." Justin and Matt both stood up, trying to dust as much of nature off of them that they could. "I am sorry I sucker punched you."

"It's okay. You can't hit to save your life." Matt laughed as he rubbed his jaw. "But it does smart."

"I will stop by your work before my date with Jason. I think I will take a look at your system. I have some upgrades to run that will take a couple of hours as well." Justin walked down the path with Matt by his side. "It will take me some time before I forgive Nate."

***

I hope this chapter provided you with a couple of surprises. I know this only answers some of the questions as to what happened between Justin and Nate. But stay tuned. More is on the way.  If you have any comments, questions, or just general things you would like to say, I would love to hear them! Email me at sockingsaw@hotmail.com. I would really like to hear from you again if you have emailed me already once before. I am curious to know how you took the events of this chapter.

Also, please consider donating to nifty.org for having a place host these stories. You can donate at donate.nifty.org. Good reading to you all.