Warning! This is a tale about men loving men. If you find this disturbing - click off. If it's unlawful for you to read this - click off. If you under age - good luck if you can get away with it.
This is not a story for getting your rocks off. Just thought I'd let you know, so you won't waste your time if that's what your looking for. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy my writing.
I appreciate feedback and do my best to respond to it all. I may be
contacted at: J S.Collection@Verizon.Net
A big thanks to TLC for her editing.
Also, I would like to extend a grateful hand to Greg Bowden for his help and input. Without it this story would be really lacking. If you are not familiar with his writing by all means look it up under his name in the list of Authors. "Dusty and Me" and "Chip" are my favorites and I highly recommend them. Greg, Thanks.
Chapter 13 Leaving
It was too late in the growing season for cool weather vegetables, but carrots, corn, tomatoes, and herbs found their way into the garden plot over the following weeks. I bought an automatic timer that hooked right on to the faucet and laid soaker hoses down the rows. All I had to do after that was weed and aerate the ground once in a while, and wait for the vegetables to grow.
The corn had matured and we got to enjoyed three ears each. Charley was impressed with how much better they were than even corn bought at roadside markets. The tomatoes had been big and juicy and more flavorful than any he'd ever eaten. The vines were looking tired and worn out by the time my novel was published and ready to hit the bookstores. If it hit the charts I would have to be traveling the country on a book signing publicity tour. It hit number nine the second week after its release. Charley was ecstatic. I was well pleased, but I didn't want to be away from Charley for two months.
The occurrence on my bike still haunted me. I thought I'd gotten past all that crap. I really thought that loving Charley and being loved by him would have negated that hollow aching need that I'd hidden even from myself, but I seemed to dwell on it more and more, Having to leave on that damned tour made me hesitate even more in not saying anything to Charley about it.
During the months before I had to leave we'd settled into a livable agreement about him being a policeman, he would continue being a Cycle Cop and I'd live with the anxiety. I wasn't about to ask him to quit, and he wouldn't quit unless I asked him. It wasn't a verbal agreement. It just seemed to work out that way. As my mother would have commented as she shook her head, "It was a guy thing."
My agent sent me the agenda for the book signing tour. There would be thirty cities in forty-five days. It was going to be grueling, but it would immensely raise the sales of my book. Being I was from University City, the first signing would be at the Gates Way Bookstore where I used to spend a couple of hours every day eating my lunch and reading.
Charley had to be on duty at seven the morning I had to return to University City, so I planned on leaving at the same time he left the house. The book signing was to start at one that afternoon. I figured I could arrive with time to spare. I didn't have much to pack, my PC, and a couple of books went into the saddle bags. My clothes went into the small duffle and was tied onto the back.
When I left Unicity I had done nothing about my apartment other the lock the door as I was leaving and later drop a note to the landlord telling him I'd eventually be back, and asking him to please empty the fridge of any perishables. My bank automatically paid the rent, utilities and phone bills each month. All I had to do was unlock the door and I was back.
We'd made our last evening together special with an intimate meal at an expensive steak house. Later we slowly undressed each other teasing as we stripped. By the time we were naked we were so hot we were gushing. Charley pushed me onto my back and crawled on top of me. Within moments our bellies were slick. We were enjoying the feel of our cocks rubbing against each other when I moaned out, "Charley, you've got to fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me."
He froze, holding his breath. It was several second before I felt his body slowly relax and his breath again on my neck.
"Jake, let's save it for when you get back. Make it something special to celebrate your return."
He growled it. I guess he was trying to sound seductive, but something didn't ring true in his voice. There was an indistinct quaver, an unsure quality to it. It wasn't the voice of the man in charge just a minute ago. I wondered again why he didn't want to fuck me. I needed to feel his cock in my ass, the reassurance of his love for me and he wouldn't give it to me. I withered inside. Capitulated.
"Sure, Charley," I replied, "that sounds like a good idea. Waiting will make it really special." I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
He started rubbing against me again. It wasn't the same; the spark had died. Finally, Charley climaxed and rolled off of me. He lay on his back staring at the ceiling. I felt lower than a dog turd. My cock shriveled even though I hadn't come. Sighing, I rolled off the bed and went into the bathroom to clean his cum off my belly. I wet a hand towel and went back to the bedroom. I knelt beside his beautiful body and cleaned up the mess on him from his climax. Even if he wasn't interested in fucking me, I told myself, he, at least, loved me.
He lay watching me. When I finished I balled up the towel and tossed it toward the bathroom door. Charley ran his hand down my thigh. "You didn't get off."
"That's okay. I don't need to."
"Bullshit." He raise up and pushed me down on my back and forced my legs apart as he knelt between them. For a moment I thought he was going to relent, give me what I wanted, needed, but he put his hands on my thighs and bent forward to take my cock in his mouth. It felt good. It always felt good, his tongue rolling around my cock head, but I wasn't getting hard. He fingered my hole and started pushing it in. It was dry and it hurt. "Use spit on it." I said, pulling air through me teeth. This was the first time he'd even touched my anus. It was obvious that he didn't know what he was doing.
"Sorry." He pulled his finger out and stuck it in his mouth, wetting it. He tried again and succeeded in going right to my prostate. I moaned and he rubbed it again. I wanted to beg him to fuck me, but I bit my tongue. Between the prostate massage and his intent sucking I soon released my load. I still hadn't completely hardened.
Charley sat back on his heels caressing my shins. I lay with my eyes closed wishing I'd kept my mouth shut. Tonight was supposed to be a wonderful experience for us to remember while we were apart. My neediness had fucked it up. I was sure we'd both remember it and regret it ever happened.
When he moved to lay down beside me I rolled off the bed a went into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I stared at my image in the full length mirror on the back of the door. What was it about me that he didn't want. I'd read enough to know that most men didn't give a damn about who had previously had their cock in the hole they were fucking. So was it Charley or me that was the problem? It had to be something about me. My rectum ached with unfulfilled desire.
Disgusted, I wiped his come off my chest and belly, opened the door and looked at him. He'd turned off the lamp and the light from the bathroom fell in a hash glare across the bed illuminating the lower half of his face. He had the sheet pulled up under his arms. His hand lay side by side on his chest. I could see tears glisten in his eyes as he stared at the ceiling.
I flipped off the light and crawled into bed beside him. He didn't move. I lay on my back next to him, not touching, listening to his jagged breathing. He let out a big gusty sigh. "I'm sorry, Jake," he whispered
"Charley, you didn't do anything to be sorry for. It's me."
He turned on his bedside lamp and rolled on to his side and looked at me. He had tears running down his face.
"Jake, is it really over?" He whispered.
My heart jumped. I swear it stopped beating for a moment. Did he mean that we were over? Not really daring to find out, I had to asked, "Is what really over?"
"You know... the sex..... with Jim." Charley studied the bed sheet. "Are you going to see him again when you go back?"
I tried to get my heart to stop racing. "I don't want to ever see him again, Charley. There's only one man in my life and that is you. I won't touch another man and I damned sure won't let anyone but you touch me."
He nodded, crawled off the bed and headed into the bathroom. I listened to him relieve his bladder. I was going to miss that sound while I was gone.
When he came back into the bedroom, he slipped into bed and turned off his bedside lamp. He turned to hug me and I gathered him into my arms."I'm a one man man, Charley. And you are the one." I murmured in his ear. We clung to each other until I felt him relax and his breathing evened out in sleep. I wondered how much he trusted me. And then I wondered if I trusted myself. I lay awake, holding this precious man as he slept, and I thought about the coming weeks and dreaded them. I didn't want to be away from him at this point in our still developing relationship.
The LED numbers on the clock read 3:30. I had learned it was near impossible to awaken Charley at that hour. I slid out of his warm comforting arms and quietly dressed. I tiptoed out to the kitchen. I wrote a note:
Charley, my love,
I hate good-byes.
My leaving like this will be easier on both of us.
I love you,
I slunk back into the bedroom and placed it on my pillow. Charley lay on his side facing me. He was my image of what an angel really looks like, strong, virile, beautiful, and filled with the inner strength and conviction to stand up for his beliefs. But in his sleep he was so very innocent. I closed my eyes and envisioned him in his uniform; the fitted gray pants with the high calf-covering black boots, his black leather jacket and helmet, the Ray-ban sun glasses hiding his beautiful eyes. There was nothing innocent about that image.
I could have sworn that in the dim light I saw a tear on the side of his nose, but convinced myself I was imagining it. I also convinced myself that I had imagined that he whispered. "I love you, forever, Jake." as I slipped back out the door. I was a coward in the way I left, but I hate goodbyes.
I gathered the last few little items and stuffed them into my jacket pockets. For nearly four months I had lived in this house and there was nothing to show for it. I imagined Charley waking tomorrow and wondering if I had just been a dream. It left me feeling hollow. Maybe I was just a dream, but who's? His or mine?
I pushed my Indian two blocks down the street before I started it. I rode to the outskirts of the city and pulled off to the side of the road to clear my eyes. The wind had made them tear so much that I couldn't see where I was going. Hell, who was I fooling; it wasn't the wind in my eyes. I broke down and bawled and yelled at the heavens, condemning my past, praying there still might be a real future with Charley, a fulfilling future, but my heart was full of dread, doom.
Chapter 14 The Tour
The ride and the wind didn't do their usual thing of emptying my head. Gloria's last words to me echoed through every thought. I knew that Charley would be hurt by me just disappearing while he slept. But like I told him in the note, I hate goodbyes.
When I arrived at my apartment I was exhausted. I collapsed on the bed and slept for three hours, fitful sleep. I awoke with a headache and an insipid tune bouncing around in my head. I realized it was my cell phone. I'd turned it on knowing my publicist, Carl Wooden, would be contacting me on it. My brain was so befuddled I hadn't thought to check missed calls.
I looked to see who was calling. It was Carl. I answered and told him I would be at the bookstore by twelve-thirty. He told me the bookstore had called him about receiving numerous calls for me from a Charles Hill. I mentally kicked myself in the head and called Charley immediately.
"It's about time you turned on that damned phone. Are you okay?"
" I'm okay. I'm sorry about the phone. Didn't even think about it until I got here."
"Why'd you leave like that, Jake?"
"I have a hard time with good-byes. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry about last night. I should have done what you wanted."
"Charley, it's too late for recriminations. Forget about it for now. I'll be back in eight weeks. Whatever it is, we'll work it out."
"I miss you already."
"I'm ready to cancel this whole thing and head back to Kirksville." I told him.
"You can't do that. You have obligations. We'll be okay."
"I love you, Charley."
"I know you do. And you know I love you, Jake. But I'm still teed off that you didn't wait to let me say farewell."
"I like farewell."
A silence fell between us for what seemed an eternity.
"What time do you have to be at the bookstore?" he finally asked.
I glanced at the clock. "Oh, damn. In twenty minutes, and I still have to shower."
"Better get going then, Jake. Farewell, Love."
As I showered I wondered again why Charley wouldn't fuck me. Myriad reasons swept through my mind, but the only one that stuck was that he was repulsed by Jim having had my ass before him.
The signings went well. Between one and three thirty I must have signed close to two hundred books. I never imagined that a Gay themed novel would be so popular.
Jason had been first in line and I wrote a personal note in his book and signed it with my full name. All the rest were signed "Enjoy, Jake." Pete was still working in the bookstore and brought me fresh coffee every so often. I made a date with them for a late afternoon lunch, but Pete had to be in class at that time, so it was just Jason and me.
That kid is so cute. I had become rather fond of him the times I had gone to his and Pete's place with Jim. He is so full of spunk. He seems to be fascinated by my size, but then, he is just a little overgrown pixie.
"So you and Pete are okay?" I asked.
He blushed. "Yeah, and what's crazy Arlen, that's the big lug that I caught kissing Pete, is now our best friend."
"Our best friend?"
"Yeah, if he's not hanging with Pete he's with me, or us."
I raised an eyebrow.
"As far as we know Arlen is straight. At least he's dating girls." He changed the subject by commenting on not seeing me for quite a while and enquired about how things were going with Jim. When I dissembled, he wanted to know what had happened. I found myself telling him the whole story about splitting with Jim and meeting Charley. I couldn't tell him about how I felt about Charley, but Jason saw right through me.
"You fell in love with him, didn't you?" he asked.
"Am I that transparent?"
He giggled. "Yeah, to me you are. So have you seen Jim?"
"No, and I don't really want to."
"So you just left him wondering if you were coming back?"
"Yeah." I sighed and wondered why.
"The first time I ever saw the two of you together I felt like there wasn't any real love between you."
"Was it that obvious?"
"I did try"
"Jim's a nice guy, Jake, but..."
"He can only be caring to those he is unattached to."I said, finishing his sentence.
I had a second session of book signing from six to nine, and signed even more than the first session. The tour was off to a grand start.
In New York I was on the Today Show. That damned ball-busting Katie Curic kept trying to get me to divulge my private life, but I refused to say more than that I hade an apartment near the university and that was where I did my writing.
After the third city, New Haven, Connecticut I think it was, the excitement wore off and the rest of the tour was pure drudgery. Even if they were my fans and had paid money for my book, it was an effort to smile and be friendly to all those strangers as I signed their books. If it hadn't been for talking to Charley every evening, I think I might have faked an illness and cancelled the rest of it. He held me together and gave me the courage to go on.
The night I spent in Eugene, Oregon, Charley informed me he'd purchased a computer and had done a lot of research on line.
"Did you know, Jake, that a lot of gay couples never get into anal sex?" he asked me.
It took me several seconds to process what he had said and the implications of the question left me feeling ill. The thought of never having the fulfilling feeling of Charley's cock massaging my prostate left a hollowness in center of my being.
"I didn't now that." I finally replied.
"Damn, Jake, I wasn't implying that we wouldn't."
"We need to talk when you get back."
Our conversation was interrupted by Charley's mother showing up unannounced to check on her son's well-being. The subject wasn't discussed again.
Sacramento, San Francisco, L.A., San Diego, Tucson, Phoenix, Albuquerque, El Paso, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, Tampa, Miami and finally Atlanta, the last city before heading back to Unicity. I'd circled the country and now I was going back to Charley's arms. I was eager to be there. The plan was for him to ride his Harley over and spend a few days with me at my apartment and we'd make plans from there. He had a job he liked and I could work anywhere, so it looked like I would be going back to Kirksville with him.