Date: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 22:39:04 -0800 (PST) From: mason0201 (at) yahoo (dot) com Subject: Finally Home/Growing Up/Chapter 1 If you are not of age of consent in your area (18 or 21), please do not read on. I never got that rule, I mean who needs access to erotica more then lonely gay teenagers? Anyway, it's not my rule. If you're offended by gay men having sex, or being in love, then what the heck are you doing here? Go away. This is my story, I wrote it from my own mind. Any relations to events in real life is purely coincidental. Do not reprint this story without permission. *****This is a sequel to Finally Home, I wrote it with the intention of posting it seperately from Finally Home, but I wasn't sure if I got all of the details correct, so then I decided to just add it on to Finally Home, for my sanity and the convenience of my fans. So, sorry for the repitition. ***** Please be nice. If you don't like it I don't care, unless you can tell me why you don't like it. Then I am very interested. Thank you. Mason Three things: 1. I know nothing about gangs, I grew up in the whitest, most middle class, least gang activity area in the nation, central Indiana, so I made the gang stuff up. 2. This is written from Brian's mind, and he's a little more 'stream of conciousness' then Toby, so ... don't hate me or anything. 3. Also .... sorry about the tenses and the grammer and any spelling errors, I think I switched tenses back and forth, but it's 1am and my friend Sara needs her 'mason fix' so if my editing sucks it's her fault..... That's my story and I'm sticking to it :) Chapter 1 I am not a child molester. The idea of having sex with a child makes me want to puke. I slept with this guy once who was real small, and he shaved his bush, he looked like a child when he was naked, I felt so dirty. I have always been secure in my sexuality and my knowledge that I do not like having sex with children. But then came the problem. HIM. He is gorgeous. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen. His voice is deep and hypnotic. He's an inch or so taller then me, and just as built as I am. Did I mention that he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? So now the audience wants to know, what's the problem then? How could someone taller then you, with a deep voice, be a child? Because he's 17, seven-fucking-teen, just my luck. I've never been serious about guys, I've tricked quite a bit, picking up hot guys just to score. I'd never really thought about getting serious until I started talking to HIM. Now I'm totally head over heels in love with a kid. A kid. Not that he looks like a kid, or acts like a kid any more then I do. But he's still 17, thus my tormented state of mind. It all started 8 months ago. That's when my brother and I met Toby. Toby's great, he moved into our spare room. Michael and I have never had much luck with roommates, usually because I can't control my hormones, because I'm such a flirt I usually end up fucking it all up, breaking the poor guy's heart and causing him to move out. Toby was different though. He wasn't interested in me at all. He was interested in Michael, my serious, deep, intense, identical twin brother. And Michael was just as interested in him. It was actually a lot of fun watching them fall in love. It was like some filmmaker had covered our apartment with one of those soft fuzzy lenses they use for love scenes in old movies. Everything was better after Toby moved in. He and I became good friends, with no sexual tension at all, which was quite refreshing. And watching Michael finally find someone who completed him so perfectly was truly a beautiful thing. It's been six months since they first got together and I must say they are still going hot and heavy. I got curious the other day, having never been in a committed relationship that long, and Toby told me that if it's the right person it only gets better the longer you're together, he also told me that their sex life is out of this world. Not that I was entirely interested in my brother's sex life, but it is still good to know that things are going as good as they seem to be. So I love Toby. I can't fault him for my situation, even though if it wasn't for him I never would have met James. James. I rotate back and forth between wishing I had never met James and realizing how scary that thought is. Never meeting James, never looking at him, never feeling the excitement that I fell in my chest when he approaches me, never seeing his smile, never hearing his deep voice or his low laugh. When I think about never meeting James I can't seem to catch my breath, it's like I'm suffocating. Like he's my air. God, I've got it so fucking bad. To him I'm just an old guy who volunteers at the teen center where he lives. I guess should explain, for those of you just joining us. I met James through Toby. Toby is a writer, he writes books about teenage boys, coming of age novels is what he calls them. He volunteers at the center to keep in touch with his subject matter, and because he loves the kids. James is in a support group that Toby runs, it's for gay kids. James also lives at the center. I didn't start thinking like this until after Michael and Toby got together. Before that James and I were just friends, or at least I had managed to convince myself that was all I was feeling. Then I started to notice things going on between Toby and Michael and I started to compare their looks and the feelings they had for each other to my feelings for James. Just saying his name makes me tingly inside. I used to be disgusted by people as sappy as me. God, what's wrong with me? Anyway, so Toby and Michael got together. That's when things started to change for me. Toby said once that the first thing he thinks about in the morning and the last thing he thinks of at night is Michael, even before they were sleeping in the same bed. When he said that I started to think about what I think of first thing in the morning and last thing at night. James. Shit. I dream about him too. Then Michael said that when he's at work or away from Toby just thinking about him makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside. So I sat and thought of James. A grin spread across my face, that warm and fuzzy lens was back. God damn it. The more I watched my love bird roommates the more I realized that I was in love with James. I began to change too. I stopped being interested in casual sex. I stopped tricking altogether. Every time I went out I realized that I was looking for guys who looked like James. If I saw one who reminded me of him I would immediately feel lonely because I would rather be at the Teen Center hanging out with him then anywhere else. I know that James doesn't feel the same way. I first met James the day that Toby moved in. I was hung-over when Toby showed up with all the kids from his support group. Having been concentrating on finding some Tylenol and not on the fact that Toby was about to arrive I found myself in the kitchen in my boxers when they all came trooping in. Everyone was a little surprised to see me standing there half naked, but I didn't notice the stares the other guys gave me. I focused in on James right away. I'd never really been into black men. But James took my breath away. His eyes met mine and I watched him look me up and down before meeting my eyes again with an appreciative look in his eyes. I felt myself start to harden at his look. But my head hurt like hell and Toby was using me as a public service announcement as to why the guys shouldn't drink, so I really didn't have time to think about James's look. That was the only time James ever looked at me in any way that was remotely sexual. After that we were friends. I asked Toby about volunteering at the center and he started to take me along. He taught a creative writing class, and helped with a Karate class, and led his support group, but there were lots of other things to do. He left me in the activity hall, which is like an indoor gym, while he did his group things. So I hung out with the kids, played around, basically made sure there was no trouble. It seemed James would find me every time I was there. We quickly became friends. I started spending all my time at the center hanging out with James while I did my duties. It just became natural, he would be there waiting for me as we entered the gates. If he wasn't there then I would find myself wandering until I found him. And once I did it was like we were joined at the hip. We would talk about everything. He told me all about the shitty life he'd had, and I felt honored that he trusted me. This James and I thing has been full of Drama, dramatic moments and slamming doors and all that crap. It was four months after I started going to the center that we had our first drama. It was winter by then and a chill had fallen over the city, so the courtyard in front of the center only had one group of kids brave enough to attempt a basketball game when Toby, Michael and I entered. James was leaning against one of the gothic posts that hold up the entryway to the church building that we call the teen center. He pushed forward and approached us as we crossed the yard. I stopped in the middle of the yard to admire how he walked. He seemed to have a coiled strength that you could see in his confident step. "I think I'll keep an eye out here guys." I volunteered. "Suit yourself." Toby said with a shiver, he hates the cold, and the two hurried on. James passed them and greeted them briefly before he continued on to me. "'Sup Bri?" James said softly in his deep voice as he stopped in front of me, holding up his fist. I bumped his fist with mine and gave him my best grin, "Not much J, How you been?" "Not bad, gettin' cold though. Martin hates the cold. So he's been bitchin'." Martin is James' younger brother. Their stepfather kicked them both out after discovering that they were gay. They have been living at the center for two years. "Yeah, I bet it gets chilly in that old building." I commented nodding toward the center. "Nah, it's not bad in the basement where we live, Father P keeps the bedrooms warm." "That's good." "I envy Tony and Paddy though." James commented, referring to the one couple in Toby's support group, they share a bed. "Why?" "Well they have each other to keep them warm at night." He looked at me evenly and I found myself blushing at the though of holding him at night. As if hearing my thoughts he continued. "It'd be nice to have someone to keep ya' warm at night, don't ya' think?" I had to look away then for fear that my desire to grab his face and kiss his luscious lips would overwhelm me. "Yeah it would be nice." I managed to say as I scanned the courtyard. As I looked around I noticed a figure entering the yard. It was a small kid, but clearly a gang member, his shirt was red and his hat was cocked to the left. James had been educating me on spotting gang members who tried to come in and make trouble, mostly pushing drugs. We made a game of it to try to see if I could tell what gang they were from and what they were doing there. James followed my gaze as I watched the kid crossing the yard toward the small group of basketball players. "That's a Lord right?" I turned to James, "Is he dealing?" "Yeah he's a Satan's Lord, doesn't look like he's here to push though, look, he's going to talk to that new kid, Marc." I watched carefully as the discussion between Marc, one of the basketball players, and the gang banger got more heated, I hardly noticed that Willie, the youngest live-in at the center joined us. "Hey guys." "Hey." James answered sounding just as distracted as I felt. I watched the gang kid reach in his pocket and grab something. Suddenly I knew that the situation was about to get dangerous. Without turning I asked, "Willie, will you do me a favor?" "Yeah. What?" Willie asked, sounding confused. "Go inside and tell Michael and Toby we need them, right now." As I said that I saw the gang member's hand come out of his pocket, he was holding a switchblade. I could see the blade glistening in the street lights of the early dark. I started running toward the fight with James right behind me. The other basketball players abandoned the game and ran for it after seeing the knife, leaving the gang kid and Marc alone. Marc had turned pale as he saw the knife and as we got closer I heard him begging "RJ, I don't got the money, man, come on, put it away." "I know you got it man, stop fuckin' with me." The gang kid was bigger then he looked from far away, I slowed as I approached him, thinking I could sneak up on him and overpower him. Unfortunately he heard me and just as I was about to grab him he whirled around and grabbed my arm, twisting it behind me, he moved his knife to my neck before I could even react. My back was against his chest with my arm painfully twisted in between us. He was strong too, those baggy clothes hid his wiry strength quite well. "What you think you're doin' fucker?" He sneered in my ear. He looked at James who was standing next to Marc both had there hands up, like you see people do in the movies whenever someone is being held and gunpoint, and recognized him. "Hey fag, this your boyfriend?" He spoke to James with a sneer. "What you want RJ?" James asked cooly, I could see fear in his eyes. "I just want the money Marc here owes me, man, and then you can have your fag boyfriend here back." Marc was in tears now, "I don't have it RJ, I swear, if I did I would give it to you, please don't hurt him." Just then I heard the sound of running behind us and RJ whirled us around to see Michael, Toby, and Willie running toward us. Seeing the knife at my throat they all stopped. RJ increased the pressure on my arm and backed us away from both groups so he didn't have anyone at his back. He spoke to Michael, my identical twin, "Well, well, well, it's another one. You a fag too?" "What the hell is going on here?" Michael asked evenly, in his teachers voice, but I recognized the fear in his eyes. "I just want what Marc here owes me fag." RJ twisted my arm and I grunted at the increased pain. "You got $200? Somebody give me $200 and I won't cut his throat. All I want is what's mine man." I knew Michael didn't have that kind of cash on him, our eyes connected and I knew, and he knew. "I don't have that kind of money." He said calmly. "I do." Toby said evenly, his voice calm and reassuring. "I've got it in my wallet." Thank god for Toby, he always seemed to have cash on him. Toby slowly reached behind him and retrieved his wallet. Holding it out toward us. "Here, take the whole thing, I've got over $300 in there, you can have it all." RJ yanked harder on my arm, my forehead was beginning to sweat from the pain, and I grunted again, biting down on my lip hard to keep from crying out. "Reach out and take his wallet fag." RJ ordered me. I reached out and took Toby's wallet. "Now put it in my pocket fucker." He ordered, I slipped it behind me and found his baggy pocket and dropped it in. He started backing away from the group again, my eyes connected with James and I saw the fear there, and the anger. RJ whispered in my ear "Ready to die faggot?" And in a moment of clarity I knew he was going to kill me. The pressure of the knife increased and I felt myself start to bleed. I never took my eyes off James and I knew without speaking that he was about to pounce. With my free hand I grabbed RJ's wrist and at the same time I lifted my foot and stomped down hard on his toes. "FUCK!" He swore at the pain in his toes and I felt his arm muscles loosen just a bit at the shock. And then James was there; grabbing the arm that held the knife with both of his big hands he pulled it away, never taking his eyes off mine as we struggled for my life silently. THe cold night air held only the sounds of scuffling feet. And then suddenly Michael was there and I saw his arm moving, felt the jar of his fist connect with the side of RJ's head. RJ went weak, dropping the knife altogether. James and Michael pushed him back and restrained him as Toby grabbed me and pulled me away from the struggle. I didn't even hear the siren but suddenly a police cruiser was entering the courtyard and heading toward us. Father Patrick was running toward us then too. Things happened quickly after that, Father Patrick gave me a napkin for the cut on my neck, which wasn't bad, my wrist hurt worse. The cops took RJ into custody and took my statement, asking for all the gory details. Making me tell the entire story. After getting `witness statements' from everyone else they left. Father Patrick decided that we had all had enough excitement for one night and he sent the three of us home early. Before we headed out I went to find James, who had gone inside as soon as the police were done talking to him. I found him in his room. He was sitting on his bunk. "James?" He looked up at me and there were tears running down his face. His dark eyes were red from crying. "Are you okay?" I asked as I entered the room and closed the door behind me. He stood and pulled me into a tight hug. I felt him shaking as he cried on my shoulder and clung to me. I held onto him tight. "I thought he was going to kill you." James whispered raggedly into my neck. "He didn't J. I'm ok." He shuddered. I held him for a long time before I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I'm okay James, you saved me." "I don't think I've ever been that scared in my entire life." "You were very brave, and you saved my life. I need to thank you for that." He nodded, still a bit teary. "I've gotta go, I need some rest after this drama." "Me too." James agreed with a small smile. "Will you be here Monday?" He asked with fear in his eyes. "Wild horses couldn't keep me away." He smiled then. And before I turned away I pulled him close and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and I whispered, "Thank You." That night, laying in bed, thinking about how good it felt to hold James in my arms was the first time that I admitted to myself that I was truly falling in love.