Kazunari's mother arrived at 11:30 PM and a few minutes earlier Jun resigned himself to leaving the bed where Kazunari was lying without having yet gained consciousness, to go into the small front room. He heard the woman's footsteps, and her low and resolute voice. He couldn't single out her words, but the tone was sharp. He heard the noise of the door of Kazunari's room, then nothing more.
He was sitting, waiting anxiously for Soda to come to tell him something. He continuously looked at his watch. He wanted to go out of that room to ask, to know, but Soda had suggested that he stay there. He asked himself if Tomoya had arrived with his mother. He didn't hear the boy's voice. Tomoya was friendly toward him: Soda and Tomoya were the only two friends he had. All the others, including his two bodyguards now seated in the hospital hall, were strangers, to him. And without Kazunari, he felt lost and terribly lonely.
It was about half past midnight when the door to his room opened. Jun thought it was Soda and stood up, ready to receive any news. He found himself in front of a tall lean middle age woman who very beautiful in her kimono, and he recognized Kazunari's mother. Instinctively he tensely bowed in a formal greeting. The woman very seriously studied him.
"I am Yamaguchi Michiko, Kazunari's mother."
"Glad to met you, madam. My name is Takeda Jun."
"You are Kazunari's boyfriend." the woman said, more an assertion than as a question.
"Yes, madam."
"Sit down. Do you love him?" the woman asked, looking into his eyes.
Jun didn't lower his eyes and very seriously answered, "More than myself, madam."
The woman had a ghost of a smile. She was sitting on the edge of the chair, erect and regal in her precious silk kimono. Jun held her gaze, without impudence, but also without shame. The woman showed a second hint of a smile, then slowly said, "Tomoya told me more about you during our trip here than Kazunari has in two years. Tomoya esteems you. Kazunari loves you. I would like to know you, at last."
"Who is with Kazunari?"
"Tomoya. I asked him to be near his brother, while I came to talk with you. I guess that you would like to be near my son, now, right?"
"Certainly I would, madam. But how is he?"
"As you left him about an hour ago. He is still unconscious. But his face is serene. The doctors say that they will soon determine his prognosis. We will pay the best doctors, and you will see that we will put him on his feet again."
"Madam... I am scared to death. I..." Jun said hesitantly. But then, like a river breaking the embankments, he resumed talking: "Please, forgive me, madam, if I dare, but you are his mother, you can understand my terror at losing him! You too, I am sure are trembling and praying for his health. And how many times has all this to happen again? He, Kazunari... he is a good, sweet man, but he has to live in this ruthless way. Why don't you persuade him to stop, to change his life? Why does he have to continually risk being so barbarically, so mercilessly killed? And for what? He is not a violent man, he is not... No, this is not his life. This is not the life that you, madam, dream for him. Not for Kazunari. Forgive me, madam, if I dare... I am nothing, for you, I know that, I understand that. But I love him, madam. And you love him too. Oh, I would love Kazunari being the son of a common worker, to be able to love him, to be loved by him in peace. Not always having body guards around, a thousand precautions, and then to tremble all the same near a hospital bed, or to cry on a grave!" Jun said, his eyes filled with tears.
Michiko listened at him without interrupting. Then handed him a tissue.
"Jun, my boy, do you think I cannot understand you? Do you think I didn't have those same thoughts myself, thousands of times? Do you believe I was happy crying on my husband grave, and before that, to wait for him, day after day, with my heart in my mouth, asking myself if he would come home alive? This is our life, the life I accepted when I accepted marriage with Kazunari's father."
"I too, I've accepted it, madam, just to be near him. And I accept it, if it is the only way to remain near him. I wouldn't be afraid to risk, to give my life for him, believe me. But it is his life that I have at heart, for which I tremble. Kazunari is honest, good hearted, even if he appears to be hard, even if he has to appear so. But he is not a violent man. I... I cannot take the liberty of judging anything and anybody, but... But Kazunari, deep inside his heart, is not really a yakuza, believe me. I know him well. He just wants to be faithful to his father's memory. But he is not a yakuza, in the depths of his heart. He is a gentle, passionate man, loving life and the beautiful things."
"Yes, I know. I always knew. Listen, Jun, afterwards I will leave you to watch Kazunari as I know you desire. But now, while Tomoya is near him, come with me."
"Where, madam?"
"Come with me. I want to show you something so that you can understand better than words can say."
They went out of the room. Soda was waiting in the corridor with other men. Michiko gave a few sharp orders and, in procession they left the hospital. Some men got into the first car, Michiko with Jun, with the driver and a body guard, into the second darkened glass car, then the others into the third car and the three vehicles started off, together. The y entered the expressway. Michiko was sitting erect, immersed in who knows what thoughts while looking out of the window and smoking a long narrow coloured cigarette. Jun would have liked to ask her a thousand questions, but he was afraid to bother her. He thought that she was really a regal woman even in her sorrow. They left the city expressway and went onto another expressway. After a while, Michiko took the intercom and told the driver, "Next tollhouse. Then the first right. To the third crossing and then you can see the signposts."
The cars slowed down, left the expressway and followed the new way. And finally, after passing a thick forest of red cypress and bamboo, they stopped in front of a group of traditional buildings, with thatch roofs. As the cars stopped and the passengers were getting out, came a family in kimonos from the central building that had lights on, they at once lined up to pay their respects to the lady. Jun read the carved signboard and understood it was a spa.
"Come, Mister Haruta, the manager, will show us this place." Michiko said to the boy with a gentle tone.
They made a tour. Jun didn't understand: they were thermal baths, beautiful, ancient, but he couldn't see in them anything special and couldn't understand why the lady had brought him on this strange nocturnal visit. At the end of the tour, Haruta opened a room looking out over a ravine and from whose windows could be seen the splendid, Mount Fuji which was lighted by the moon. Michiko waved Jun to sit down and sat near him, than said to Haruta to bring the kaiseki.
"See? From the open air bath, and from the windows of the covered bath, as well as from the best rooms, it is possible to enjoy this same sight. I bought this spa ten years ago more or less. My intention was to have it fully and carefully restored, maintaining the original ancient structure and materials, but to equip it with all the more modern comforts and equipment, making it a luxury spa for the most influential and richest people in our country. The place is really splendid It just needs the road to be rebuilt, to care for and enclose the forest, to modernize the services, and this can become the most beautiful thermal baths in all Japan. Believe me, I intended to do all that and to give this to Kazunari, so that he could come and live here. Because I too, in the depth of my heart, was and am convinced that Kazunari, among all my sons, is the one that least has a yakuza soul. Because I, too, fear for his life. But when I told him, his only answer, was to have his entire body covered with tattoos, just so as to confirm in an irrevocable way that he belonged to the yakuza world, to this pitiless world. My husband, myself, Hiroshi, and even Tomoya... are yakuza. We have been able to silence our hearts reasoning. Not Kazunari. But... you couldn't succeed in making him change his mind, just as I couldn't. Tomoya, a few hours ago, told me of your initial hesitation to tie yourself to Kazunari, and how you implored him to change his life, and how at last you had to surrender. And yet Kazunari loves you. Do you see? This is my answer to what you asked me to do. This spa that waits to be restored, that could give Kazunari an honest, rich, elegant life... and a safe one. And that is still here waiting, in its sad, a little decadence and neglected beauty. Do you think I wouldn't be happy to have him here, instead of in a hospital room struggling for his life? Having him here with you, happy, far away from tiffs, plots, ambushes, assassination? Tell me, Jun?"
"Forgive me, please, madam, I spoke recklessly." the boy answered bowing, moved at these grieving words.
"No, you spoke with love, and for that I thank you. I like you, boy, and I am glad that Kazunari is in love with you. Now, it is my turn to ask you something."
"Tell me, madam. All I can..."
"Always remain near my Kazunari. Try to make him happy, as I feel you are able to do. Don't leave him, whatever may happen. This is the only thing I ask you."
"Madam! As long as one of us two is alive, as long as he wants me, I will never leave him! I swear!"
"Thank you, Jun. And now let's eat something, then we will go back to Tokyo. I need to settle the situation with the police and then take my son's place in the business he was handling, but I feel comfortable now because you will be near him. You, with your love. I thank you, Takeda Jun."
"Thanks to you, madam." the boy answered, moved.
They ate and then went back to Tokyo.
Kazunari recovered consciousness around five AM and his first sight was of Jun's face. He opened into a wide smile:
"I'm still alive." he murmured, quite astounded.
"Yes, happily." Jun said with emotion as he lightly and gently caressed Kazunari's face.
"I thought they had succeeded... I would have been very sad to leave you so soon."
"Don't say that not even as a joke! What will I become, without you?"
"Right, I have to care of your future. I don't want to leave you to be put out on the street."
"Don't talk nonsense! Without you, all the rest has no value, don't you understand? My future, if you want to care about it, is you, your life! I would rather be a ragamuffin with you than the richest man in Japan without you! Can't you understand that?"
"Hey, hey, hey! Keep cool. Sure I understand that." the young man murmured with a weak but gentle smile.
Jun thought that Kazunari had better not talk too much and that he had to inform the nurses that he had recovered consciousness. So he rung the bell. Soon a nurse, followed by Tomoya and Soda, entered. The nurse, upon noting that Kazunari had recovered his senses, went immediately to call a doctor. Soda, with emotion, asked Kazunari's forgiveness for not having been able to protect him. Kazunari made a sign with his hand to shut up, smiled at him and said, "Soda, if you couldn't succeed, nobody could have succeeded, don't fret about it. It had to happen. And after all, it has gone well. Who could expect such a thing right here in Tokyo, right in full daylight and traffic? Who knows who did it!"
"They are making inquiries. The families. Whoever it was, they will not get off scot-free."
"If they find them."
The doctor entered and did a quick examination of Kazunari.
"All seems all right for the moment. Later we will do more accurate tests. But now it's better that you don't get too tired. Only one of you can remain here, but don't make him speak."
Everybody withdrew but Jun, who sat near Kazunari's bed and took his hand between his hands.
"I love you Jun."
"I too. But now shut up, the doctor said that..."
"At least that I love you, I'll say when and how much I want. Yes, OK, I'll shut up, but I love you so much!" the young man said with a smile, squeezing Jun's hands with his own hand.
Kazunari was asleep when Tomoya arrived around nine 'o clock.
"Jun, go lie a little on the bed, I'll watch him, now. You need a rest, you can't go on this way."
"But if he wakes up, you'll call me?"
"If he asks me, yes." Tomoya answered with a smile.
Jun lay down and at once collapsed into sleep. He woke up at mid afternoon. Kazunari was again sleeping.
"How is he?"
"Rather good. The doctors said that he is reacting well, but he will need some months to recover. My mother decided he will convalesce at the spa down there where you went last night, near Mount Fuji. You, him and a few men. You will have the spa all to yourselves. There will be no other customers, so you can have peace and quiet. It seems that you made a very good impression on my mother. She is a woman of few words, but she said that Kazunari is lucky having you. And that, said by her, is the highest compliment she could give."
"Yes. But have the doctors determined his prognosis?"
"No, not yet. But they seem to be confident."
"Would you like to lie down for a while, now?"
"Later. You must be hungry, I'll ask them to bring you something."
"Thank you. Didn't he wake up?"
"Yes, but he wanted you to continue to sleep. Sorry..."
"He asked about me?"
"The first words. I hope to fall in love, one day, in that way."
"Your model?"
"It's all over. She was just interested in my money, the bitch. All the same, females!"
"That's why I always preferred males." Kazunari said from his bed with a cunning smile directed toward his brother and to Jun, who turned toward him.
"Oh, he did wake up, at last, the slug-a-bed!" Tomoya jested.
"Can you leave us alone for a while?" the young man asked his brother.
"Sure, lovers, but don't over exert, eh?" Tomoya said winking his eye at his brother while going out.
"Jun?"
"Tell me, Kazu-chan."
"I need to make love with you."
"I too, but we still cannot. You have to recover, first."
"But I really need it. Feel down here!" he said driving his hand to his own turgidity.
Jun lightly caressed it and Kazunari quivered closing his eyes in a blissful expression. Jun withdrew his hand.
"Why?" Kazunari disappointed asked.
"Because if we don't stop now, we will stop no more. I too desire you terribly. But first, you have to heal, I told you."
"Then, let me touch you. Come on, let me pull it out..."
"No, it would be the same. Is it possible that you are not able to think to of other matters, you? Be quiet, now."
"It is impossible to think of other things, with you near me."
"Then, I'll go away."
"Don't speak through your hat! Do you believe I'll let you go?"
"Do you believe I'd be able to go?"
"Kiss me at least." Kazunari asked, lightly pulling Jun to him.
The kissed on the mouth with sweet passion. Then Jun parted.
"Kazunari, enough... I desire you too much!"
"How long do we have to wait?"
"Too long, but we will wait." Jun said decidedly as he sat down again.
"Caress me like before, please..."
"Not now, we are both too excited. Later."
"Is that a promise?"
"It is."
Later, when the doctors were examining him, Kazunari suddenly asked, with a loud and clear voice, between the embarrassed giggles of the nurses which made Jun blush, "How many days until I will be able to make love again with him?"
"Eh, young man, not less than ten days, possibly more. Let's say two weeks to be sure?"
"So long?"
"You see, Mister Yamaguchi, when one makes love, the blood vessels are subject to a remarkable effort. And, you did undergo an operation on your aorta. Do you want it to burst open?"
"It would be a really nice way to pass away..." Kazunari said with a wide grin.
"Is it not better to wait two weeks, maximum three, and to have a really nice way to live on?" the doctor asked with amusement.
"Hey, hey, hey, it now became three weeks! That's not fair!" Kazunari frowning protested, making them laugh again.
"Then try to take care of yourself, now, so it will not become four!" the doctor answered with a decisive air, then added: "The day we discharge you, you can do all you want and how you want, I can tell you that. We will fix you up good as new!"
Really he needed four weeks. The scar on his chest, even though the surgeons had done a wonderful job, lightly defaced Kazunari's tattoo. But the young man was really recovering. Jun had difficulties in persuading him not to make love before time, but was adamant. At the most he permitted his lover a kiss or caressed him or let Kazunari caress him intimately, but only for a few moments. Meanwhile Kazunari's mother concluded the talks in her son's place and had got benefits for the family. The families found the material executors of the ambush, but not the principals. The police found them drowned in one of the Tatsumi channels, with a stone tied around their necks.
When Kazunari was at last discharged from the hospital, Michiko accompanied them to the spa, where she left them and went back home with Tomoya. Just Kazunari and Jun, Soda and nine body guards, stayed at the thermal resort with three cars including Michiko's armoured car.
"Soda, Jun and I are now going to bathe in the open air bath. We don't want to be disturbed, understand?" Kazunari said as soon as his mother left.
"Sure, boss, understood." the man answered.
Kazunari led Jun. The wide pool sat between rocks and trees and with a fall of warm thermal water, opened towards Mount Fuji, lighted by the sun that started to set. The view was breathtaking. They undressed each other and then they washed each other. They rinsed and, holding their hands, went down into the wide pool. They embraced tightly and kissed.
"Finally!" Kazunari whispered and, making Jun's body float on the surface of the water, bent to gently suck, first his small dark nipples, then his tense belly, and at last Jun's swollen member. "Oh, Jun-chan, I couldn't resist any more. I felt like I was going crazy all those days, having you so near and not being allowed to make love to you. You are so beautiful, so charming, so desirable! I want you inside me, Jun-chan, I dreamed just of this moment."
"I too I want you inside me, Love. These weeks have been difficult for me too, you know. Now we will make up for it. Right?
"You can bet!"
They made love until the sunset, giving themselves to each other passionately. They used their bodies each to give to the other the maximum pleasure without tiring of giving and receiving, in the water, on the grass, against a tree, standing, knelling, lying down, sitting on each other's lap, until in a silent scream they both come, shuddering with the intensity of their joy. They relaxed, kissed and caressed each other. Then, finally, they washed again, wore fresh and comfortable yukata and went to their room. Soon their meal was brought and they ate with good appetites. Then they lay on the futon and started again making love in front of the wide balcony door, open to the view of Mount Fuji.
In the following days, at times, they also ate with their men, but they allowed themselves to have many pleasurable hours alone, to appease the long thirst accumulated by the long stay in the hospital.
"Are you happy, Jun?"
"Very! And you?"
"Me, too. This is almost like a honeymoon."
"If only you had agreed to manage this spa..." Jun said and become silent - Kazunari had stiffened and was now looking at him with surly eyes.
"That's why my mother decided I should do my convalescence here, eh? You reached an agreement to make me change my mind, right? You and she, on my back, eh?" the young man angry shouted.
"No, no, wait! There is no agreement at all!"
"How can you know about my mother's old idea, then? Don't lie to me! Or do I have to stop believing that you are the most sincere and honest person I never met?"
"Don't shout. Don't raise your voice. I don't deserve it. I never lied to you, and I would surely not start now. Yes, your mother brought me here and told me about her old project, but there is nothing more, no agreement, no plot behind your back, believe me!"
"And how can I believe you? You never have given up the idea of my leaving the family, have you? You were just waiting for the right moment. Right?" Kazunari said his face full of anger and very red.
"You are unfair! Unfair and wicked. I accepted you as you are, including the terror of losing you. And you? Now you are accusing me of plotting behind your back? Sure, sure in the deepest part of my heart I don't want you to face other risks; does that seems so strange to you? But I accept what you do, what you decide. Did I ever ask you for anything? Tell me, did I ever demand of you one thing? Answer me!" Jun said in a low, but vehement voice.
"No, that's right, but..." the young man admitted, still tense.
"But? But what? Since in a serene moment I dared tell you that I would like this serenity to continue forever? Is that so horrible? It seems to you more horrible than to tremble for your life day after day, for two years, and then at your bedside, to tremble for something concrete for days, until the doctors were ready to declare you out of danger? This is your love for me? How can you not accept that I, even if only for an instant, reveal to you a small bit of my dream, knowing perfectly that it is just a dream? What do you want from me? What, eh? It is not enough what I'm giving to you? I have nothing more to give you, I'm sorry. I'm bothering you? Do you want me to get out of your way? You just have to tell me."
"No, sorry." Kazunari said, almost overwhelm by the boy's vehemence and regretting what he said to him.
He tried to pull the boy to him, to embrace him, but Jun roughly wriggled away.
"No, Kazunari. No. We can't resolve everything with a kiss as if nothing happened. You have not to wound me so. I don't deserve it."
"I know, you are right. I ask you to forgive me. Come here, come on!"
"No, don't touch me. Leave me in peace, now."
"Don't you love me any more?" Kazunari asked with a voice full of sorrow.
"How could I not to be in love with you any more?" Jun answered in distress
"Then?"
"Allow me time to calm down, to heal the wound."
"I wounded you, I want to be the one to heal you, now... Don't send me away, please. I know I don't deserve it, but... forgive me."
"Kazunari, I accept your continuing with your life, you have to know that very well, at this point. So, you have to accept that hidden inside me there is still a faint hope that one day we could have a normal life, together. If you are not able to do for me just that, I'm afraid it will be anything but easy, living together. I don't want to quarrel one day like before... It hurts me too much."
"Jun-chan?"
"What?"
"Don't you forgive me?"
"I love you, Don't wound me."
"I swear. I too love you. For real. Forgive me, please..."
"Yes... sure I forgive you."
"Can I embrace you, then?"
They make peace. Kazunari become even more careful and gentle than before with Jun. The boy, for his part, swore to himself he would never again show the faintest hint of his deep desire to be able to have a normal life with his man.
When the convalescence period ended, they, once again united like, and more than before, went back home. In the small apartment Jun found hundreds of white roses, with just one splendid red rose in the centre of the room and a note written in Kazunari's hand, with those few words: "Welcome home, my love. I love you with all my heart. Yours, Kazu-chan"
"How did you... arrange all that? We always were together!" the amazed and happy boy asked.
The young man smiled, "I gave orders to Soda with my cellular while I was on the toilet. And, I also wrote the note in the toilet and passed it to Soda..."
"I believe I can't leave you alone in the toilet either!" Jun said laughing and embracing him tightly.
"Did you really forgive me for our... quarrel?" Kazunari asked him in a whisper.
"As long as you love me, I'll forgive you everything. You know that."
"I know it, and I'll try not to take advantage. But why do you love me so much? Do you know that I'm always astounded by that?"
"Because... because you entered into my life like an earthquake and because nowadays, without you, I'll feel dead. Because you are the most splendid man I ever met."
"Then, if one day you meet a man more splendid than me, you will leave me to follow him?"
"No, no more, now. If there even really exists a man better than you, there is no more space for him in my heart, because it is filled with you. I love you, there is really no possibility I can fall in love with this hypothetical him."
" I could never love somebody like I love you. I will never forget the emotion that I felt that day, when I saw you emerge from the waves with your red fundoshi. It is the same emotion I feel each time I untie it from your waist."
They resumed their usual life. Jun gradually made up the time he had lost at the University. Now Michiko invited Jun to their home quite often. Jun also met Hiroshi and his wife Keiko, Naoko and her husband, Ryuta. Jun was respected by all the family, but the only one that was, and that he felt was, a real friend, was Tomoya. Officially, when he was invited to Yamaguchi house for a party, he was introduced to the other guests as "Kazunari's best friend". Anyway Michiko, when they sat at the table, always had Jun sitting between Kazunari and Tomoya like a family member, and Jun really appreciated this delicate attention.
Kazunari had decided to buy a more beautiful and wider apartment for Jun and himself, but the boy told him that he preferred to remain in that small flat that had been the place of their first love meeting.
Jun was in his last year at the university and was preparing his graduation essay. He spent many hours in the University Library doing his research. His body guards always stayed in the car in front of the only gate of that part of the University, waiting for him to be done, to take him back home.
That morning he arrived at nine and went directly at the Library. He was consulting some volumes, when a Library employee approached him.
"Mister Takeda Jun, right?"
"Yes..."
"You borrowed this text and have had it two months, right?" the man said showing him a file card.
"No, there must be a mistake. I gave it back more than one month ago, I'm sure." Jun said, surprised.
"And yet it is listed as still in your hands. Can you follow me to the office, please? So we can solve this problem. You know, a volume cannot be held for more than one month..."
"Yes, sure. But really I don't have it any more. Let's go, anyway." Jun said leaving all his belongings at his place and following the man. Then he asked: "But, excuse me, the office is not down there?"
"No, that is the loans office. Now we are going to the control office, up there..."