"What the fuck you doing here?"
I had arrived at the hospital. I wished I could say that I came to calmness but instead I came to an angry Donovan. My family crowded in the room that Donovan was in. From the look of it Kenyon seemed well. His arm was wrapped up. I assumed he must not have been injured really seriously by the look of it.
"He's my brother too."
"Its you faggots who did this to him!" Donovan shouted.
The way he said it he might as well have spit the words to me instead.
"Donovan enough," my dad replied, "C`mon everyone. Let's give Shay some space."
My mom, my dad and a reluctant Donovan walked out of the room. Donovan was pretty much mean mugging me as he walked out of the room. I could tell how pissed he was.
One thing was for sure. This gang war was definitely getting out of hand.
"You pissed at me too?" I asked Kenyon.
Kenyon held up the remove adjusting it, "You know who shot up the party?"
"I feel you. You ain't snitching. It's cool. Don't. That's not the cold of the streets. But I'd expect you to have my back, especially if you my brother or whatever. You got my back Shay?"
"Kenyon. I got your back but I don't think whoever shot you was aiming at you. Donovan been hanging with the wrong people."
"Regardless if they aiming at me...they shot me. Was that dude next door involved?"
"Can't tell you that," I replied.
Kenyon shook his head, "You like homie?"
"Fidel?" I asked, "Yeah I like him."
" You involved in some shit. You always over there. You always under that dude Fidel. He runs up in the party and grabs you out of there right before a shooting occurs. I'm not dumb lil' bro...FUCK!"
He squirmed in pain. He was putting strain on his gunshot wound. The wound was on his arm and wrapped up. I walked over there. It did suck to see Kenyon looking like this.
"Chill out. You are going to hurt yourself."
Kenyon rolled his eyes, "This ain't nothing. Don't take my me off the subject."
"Fine. What you got to say."
"You in a gang bro. Be honest."
"You need ask Donovan what the fuck he's doing..."
"I'm asking you!"
It wasn't fair. Donovan was clearly in the gang that started all this shit. WAF was hunting gay dudes all around the city. Whatever GGG was now didn't start as that. It was a gang that was started to protect the innocent. Kenyon didn't seem to understand that. He wasn't getting it.
I had to admit it.
Kenyon shook his head, "Man. You need to figure out something little bro---"
"Figure out what?"
"Where your loyalties lie? That gang shit is dangerous. Your hear me? Rumor had is that they are hiding Tony Monteo in that gang."
"There is no one in the gang by that name?"
I thought about it that minute. There was a Tony. Still. I didn't see Tony doing something like that. That wasn't in his character. The others would have known too...
"There is no Tony Monteo in our gang," I repeated harder this time, "That Ass Assassin shit is bullshit and we aren't harboring some criminal. Honestly you don't run me either. I do what I want."
"You're right. I don't run you," Kenyon replied bluntly but then switched it up almost immediately, "That's why I'm telling mom and dad."
"You just said you snitching ain't right."
"Snitching? This ain't the streets motherfucker. You are my brothers. We are Watts. I'm telling Mom and Dad about you and Donovan. Fuck that. Ya'll out here in Miami going crazy..."
Kenyon was ridiculous. I could only imagine how Mom and Dad would respond. They would want to move again. I couldn't move. I had just finally found a good spot with Fidel. Kenyon was about to ruin everything! Kenyon was about to take everything away from me.
"Donovan and his people are the aggressors. My gang is just defending itself."
"Gay, straight...whatever. You with these dudes banging trying to do what? Why you running with these dudes?"
"You won't get it."
"I prefer not to," I replied to Kenyon, "You sitting here acting like you care all of a sudden. Where were you at when them straight dudes tortured me and made the video viral? You was laughing. You thought it was a joke Kenyon."
"They didn't hurt you..."
"They humiliated me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "That shit is worse. They tried to strip my fucking manhood."
"So that's what this comes down to. You with these dudes for what reason? You with this gay gang trying to prove that being gay don't make you weak? You trying to measure your dick against these straight boys. Is that what this is about? Yo---look at me when I'm talking to you."
"Why? You never cared Kenyon."
"That's not true."
"It is true. You never cared," I replied shaking my head, "Trying to get me with girls. That's caring?"
"I was trying to show you that you can hide who you are...it's safer. This gay shit...is going to get you hurt. And this gang shit---is going to get you killed. All you had to do is pretend. That's it. All you got to do is pretend to be straight and all that extra drama will go away..."
Kenyon was looking over at me. I felt like he really meant what he was saying. He thought it was so easy.
"It's not that easy. I can't hide who I am."
I paused at that moment. Kenyon sat up on the bed at that moment.
My mouth dropped open at that moment.
Kenyon just looked at me for a minute then he looked down. I was shocked. I never experienced someone saying something like to me. I never experienced someone coming out to me. I was the one who came out of the closet. Right now I wondered what the feeling would be like.
As I looked at Kenyon's expression the only thing that came to mind was Rage.
Kenyon nodded, "Why you think I was trying to bring the girls around? You know why? One reason. Cause it works. That gay shit...it can be controlled. You can fake it. Look at you. You fly. You got it going on. Girls want to be with you regardless. All you got to do is give it a shot. Why don't you?"
"You've got to be kidding me."
He wasn't getting it. I was so mad I was shaking.
"This entire time...you've been gay," I replied, "With all the shit that I go through. With all the shit that Donovan gives me for my sexuality. Running from neighborhood to neighborhood because I'm scared to be gay bashed. You was my big brother. You was gay this entire time and you just sat back and watched me go through it."
"MAN FUCK YOU!"
Kenyon was trying to get up. I couldn't take being in the room with him anymore. I couldn't stand being around him anymore. Kenyon was shady as fuck and I was finally seeing him for who he really was. He was worse than Donovan to me.
At least Donovan was real. At least Donovan never fronted on who the fuck he was. Even if Donovan was the worst person in the world he never faked that shit. Kenyon was worse. He had watched me go through this. He watched me go through it alone.
And his advice was that I should act straight?
I didn't respond. I was done with him.
I walked out of the hotel at that moment. I was headed out. I didn't care about Kenyon or anyone else at that moment to be honest. I was over my family. I felt betrayed by him and the last thing I wanted to do was stay in that hospital even if it was my brother and even if he was in recovery.
I was walking so much that I hadn't even noticed where I was going.
I was blindly just walking.
I had gotten all the way outside when I felt something hit me hard on my head. I was shocked.
I tumbled to the floor.
"What the fuck?" I asked.
I looked back. It was Rashad who hit me! Rashad! Of all people. I was fucking beyond shocked when his fist connected to the back of my head. I tried to stumble up at that moment but felt someone else push me back down to the ground. I was right outside the hospital.
"We been looking for you---motherfucker!" the voice said.
I recognized it even though my head was face down on the concrete. It was Felix. These were motherfuckers from GGG and they were jumping me.
I turned fast enough to notice who else was with them. Tony was with them. There were two of the new members from GGG with them as well.
"Did you guys fucking lose your minds?" I said.
"Fake ass bitch!"
At that moment I realized Rashad putting a whole boot to me. He kicked me hard in my abdomen and in my chest. I could feel myself cough at that moment. The pain shot through me.
I grabbed Rashad attempting to pull him down with me. I had almost got him down. I was scrapping as hard as I could wailing my hands at him. I was really actually getting the better of him in that moment but that was when I realized that other members of GGG started to jump in.
I was really getting jumped at that moment. They started to deliver kicks and thrusts. I could feel them stomping me out in the middle of the sidewalk. It was at that moment that I heard my fucking phone crack. It was at that moment that I knew shit was fucking crazy. I had no idea what the fuck was going on! I was getting fucking JUMPED by my own gang!
"Oh shit, POLICE!" I heard Felix say.
"Let's get out of here. We'll get this motherfucker later."
I was face down on the curb. I hugged my body. I felt pain all over it. Why the fuck had my own gang just jumped me? I didn't get it. It didn't make sense.
The police had gotten there just in time before I got too hurt though. They ran the GGG members off at that moment and they all scattered away.
I didn't get it. I was beyond confused. I had just been jumped. The cops asked me if I knew who beat my ass and I told them no. I told them I just wanted to go home.
Truth was I just felt like I was getting betrayed from all sides today. What the fuck was going on today? First Kenyon tells me that he had been gay and allowed me to believe I was in this lifestyle all alone. Then I was jumped by members of GGG outside of the hospital. I mean I wasn't friends with those motherfuckers by any means but I figured a gang meant something. What the fuck was this? Was this Rashad's idea of some sick stupid joke or something like that? Was he really trying to get at me maybe for taking Fidel's side in the little beef they had going on?
I had no idea.
I only knew one place to go to.
I was knocking on Fidel's door as hard as I could. By the time back to my part of town and licked my wounds it was basically night time. My face was all black and blue. My sides hurt. Those motherfuckers really beat my ass. I was pissed. I wanted an explanation and I was going to get it.
I knocked harder on the door, "Fidel. You home!"
Just at that moment someone came to the door. It wasn't Fidel. It was Miguel.
"What the fuck happened to you?" Miguel asked.
I didn't feel like responding to him. Maybe it was the fact that I just wanted to be around Fidel right now. Maybe I wanted Fidel's craziness at this moment. Miguel was way too calm for me. I was pissed off and I wanted that Fidel energy right about now.
"You didn't hear?"
"Hear what? Man. I'm having the worst day Miguel. Spit it out. What are you talking about?"
"Fidel is locked up."
"You fucking kidding me."
Miguel shook his head, "Didn't you get my texts?"
"No. My phone---it broke," I explained shaking my head, "But what happened?"
"He got arrested. The cops are looking for Felix and Rashad too. It's about that drive-by they did. You remember the drive by don't you?"
"Fidel wasn't involved in that shit."
"Well he was in the car and he's in jail because of it. Don't worry though. Not for long. Felix and the others are on their way to bail him out. They put together some money and they are on their way to bail him out."
"Man fuck Felix. Fuck Rashad. Who do you think did this to me?"
Miguel looked at my face.
I watched as he walked closer examining my face. He pulled me in the house at that moment. He tried to rub my face gently but I backed up a little bit. The way that Miguel touched me sometimes even now seemed a little bit unwanted. To be honest I just wanted Fidel. That's who I came here for. I didn't come here for Miguel. I didn't want to be around him right now. He couldn't make this better. Only Fidel could.
"I'm just trying to help," Miguel stated.
He attempted to touch my face again but this time I just completely turned around.
"Look man. You can help by telling me why the fuck they did this to me?" I explained.
"They think you snitched. They think you are the informer."
I laughed. I mean I laughed so hard at that moment that I had to take a seat on the couch next to him. What kind of silly bullshit was Miguel even talking about. An informer? He was dead serious. Miguel wasn't even laughing when he told me that. I literally went out of my way to keep GGG's business away from people.
"That's silly as fuck," I explained.
"I tried to explain it to them," Miguel explained, "I told them. I told them you would never snitch. I had your back on this one. They just assumed you know...because your brother is WAF and also the fact that you wanted to leave the gang before that. Well. You know. They assumed you became..."
He nodded, "Exactly."
"I would never do no stupid shit like that."
"Miguel. I would never DO ANYTHING like that."
"I know. But they don't know and they are getting Fidel out of jail right now," Miguel explained, "If you think those guys are mad imagine how Fidel is going to be when he gets out."
"Fidel wouldn't hurt me?"
"Man you sure about that? What do you see in him? You don't even know him. Fidel's not even his real name. It's his nickname. You know that don't you? He's not that into you like I am. Did you know that?"
I looked over at Miguel. I had to admit sometimes he was handsome as fuck. Right now he did seem like he honestly had my back. The things he were telling me seemed out of the blue but at the same time it felt like maybe his heart could be in the right place. Miguel walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He was gentle.
"All I'm saying is I'm down for you..."
"No I'm tired of telling you about how I feel. It's time to show you..."
At that moment Miguel started to kiss me. He kissed me hard. His tongue entered the back of my throat. I was overwhelmed by it. He pushed me up against the wall. His body pressed up against me. I felt the strong grasp of his hands on me as he leaned me up against the living room wallpaper. His tongue continued to enter me. At first I struggled against it but I had to admit. Miguel felt so good on top of me like that. There was a wanting that he had and I was giving into it for a minute.
I managed to pull back.
"I can't do this. Fidel wouldn't hurt me," I explained, "I just have to talk to him and explain to him."
"You willing to risk your life for that?"
Miguel shook his head, "Yo. They are talking about killing rats earlier. It scared the fuck out of me. Yo. I think you are in real trouble out in these streets."
They took it from 0-100 really quick.
My heart got stuck in my throat.
Miguel shook his head, "Don't worry. I told you I am tired of talking. I'll show you. I know you didn't get my texts I was sending but I went out. I got two tickets. I got two tickets far away from here. And I think we need to leave town...."
I was hesitating. My heart started to skip a beat. Seriously. Leave town. It can't be that serious. Or was it. The look in Miguel's eyes said it all. The look in Miguel's eyes said that maybe I did have something to be scared of.
Were they going to come and try to hurt me?
Were they going to try to kill me.
"Why are you helping me?"
Miguel paused. He had this look in his eyes. I knew the answer to why he was helping me even before he said it. There was this beautiful glare he had when he looked me.
Miguel was willing to risk it all to help me. He was willing to leave his home to help me.
"Where would we go?"
"I have friends in Fort Lauderdale. We can go from there. Honestly anywhere would be better than here. You do realize what's going to happen right? You realize what's going to happen if Fidel and the others get out and find you still in Miami?"
"There is no maybe. If you want to live you'll come with me. If you want to die. You can stay here... It's as simple as that."
I looked at him at that moment. It was clear that things were getting out of hand but for some reason I believed there was real danger here. The look in Miguel's face said that he was afraid.
GGG had proved it. They were out to get me. I had nothing to really stay here for. My family was probably going to leave soon anyway. My brothers both hated me.
I had nothing.
I had to get away.
I had to make that choice now. I wasn't going to die here. I wasn't going to die because these people believed that I was some sort of informant.
I had no choice, "I'll go get some clothes."
to read the next chapter go to www.crushedcrown.com