“Oh my god,” a voice said from behind me.
I turned to see my brother. I had no idea that Kenyon had come up to the beach house. Not only that but he had heard what was just discussed behind our back. I was confused as fuck. The whole time we were here Miguel kept telling me that Fidel wasn't who I thought he was. He kept telling me that I should stay as far away from his as possible
“Let me explain,” Fidel stated.
I turned back to him. His face looked the same. Explain. I didn't need an explanation. I needed a denial.
“He's lying isn't he?” I asked at that moment, “Your name definitely can't be Tony Mateo. I know Miguel got to be on something else to say something like that. Right? Right? Fidel---I'm talking to you.”
We all stared at Fidel and he just stared at me quietly.
He wasn't denying it. He was just staring as though trying to find his words.
“Your boyfriend is the Ass Assassin?” Kenyon asked, “Great way to pick them little brother.”
My face flushed with embarrassment. I wanted to curse Kenyon out. I wanted to defend Fidel but nothing came out of my mouth. How the fuck was I supposed to talk if Fidel wasn't explaining himself. Fidel was just standing there. He was tripping over his words.
“Is it true?” I asked again this time with more anger, “Fidel...”
“Give me a second.”
“A second! You want a fucking second?” I asked at that moment, “This whole time the local cops been saying that we been hiding Tony Mateo. And this entire time you knew that you was that dude.”
“Man this some faggot shit. We outta here...”
Kenyon grabbed me by my arm at that moment. He used to do it often when we were younger. It was actually kind of annoying when I was trying to get a point across but Fidel wasn't making any sense. One minute he wanted to explain the next minute he was telling me that he couldn't. I didn't get it. Whatever Fidel was holding seemed like it was weighing him down.
This motherfucker was the goddam Ass Assassin? Raping little boys? Seriously? He was the reason that gay people across the country were hated now. And instead of him actually defending this he was just looking like a deer cut in the headlights.
“Fidel...this is your last opportunity to deny this,” I explained, “Tell me what you are going to say. Tell me what the fuck is going on here.”
I didn't get it. I didn't fucking get it.
It was pissing me off.
Fidel shook his head after a few minutes, “I just can't.”
Kenyon shot him a look, “Yo this some sick, twisted faggot shit...”
“You keep using that word...but we both know you're gay,” Fidel replied with a sharp tone, “You was just trying to get with me in the fucking car on the way up here … knowing that your brother was interested in me.”
Kenyon's eyes got wide. I knew he was gay but now I knew he was messy as well.
“Man. I'm done with both of you,” I replied before looking over at Miguel, “Can you please take me home...this is way too much for me.”
Miguel got up at that moment, “Of course.”
“So you just going to leave like that?” Fidel asked, “You just going to leave?”
“Why do you care? I'm not a little boy. Kenyon was at least right about that Fidel. He was right. This is some sick twist faggot shit. I was really feeling you too...”
I felt mad.
I felt betrayed.
And then this motherfucker had the nerve to try to grab me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do except go off on him. I started to hit him, punching him in his chest.
I punched him as hard as I could a few times. He ate the first punch but the second punch caused him to stumble back a little bit and almost lose his balance.
“Don't even think about hitting him back,” Kenyon stated.
Kenyon had got up in Fidel's face. It was annoying more than anything. Clearly I could handle myself. Fidel hadn't hit me back but he made sure to give Kenyon a shove with one arm. His stiff arm kept Kenyon away. I could feel the tension in the room.
It was enough to cut through.
“Yo mind your fuckin' business papi,” Fidel stated.
He said something in Spanish then. I could tell he was getting more and more mad as the moments passed on. I knew he had a temper. I wished that he could just take it out on me instead. I wanted to get him back for making me look stupid out here. How the fuck couldn't he tell me about his past this entire time? How the fuck do you keep that from someone.
And he was still keeping it from me...even now.
“I don't need your help,” I snapped at Kenyon.
He was a fucking clown too. I don't know what he was doing in this house at this moment.
“I'm your brother. I got your back,” Kenyon replied.
“Since when have you ever had my fucking back Kenyon?” I replied, “Was it when you laughed about me getting gay bashed? Or was it the time you hid in the closet hitting on Fidel behind my fucking back? You a fucking clown. You are not a brother of mine. You never will be.”
I meant it. I fucking meant it.
I was over him. I was over both of them. I was tired of being betrayed. These people talked about loyalty and keeping it real but they did everything but that.
“Man fuck you. I don't got to deal with faggot shit. Go home with your Ass Assassin if you want.”
Kenyon walked out of the room, pushing into me.
I hated him. I hated him more than I ever did in my whole life. He was nothing but a fucking slimeball and now he was up here trying to do what? Trying to make it better? It was a little too late for that. I didn't want anything to do with Kenyon.
I looked over at Miguel, “Can you please take me home?”
Fidel said something to Miguel in Spanish. I wasn't sure what it was. It was long and he just kept flowing off at the mouth with the language. Miguel said something back to him in Spanish relatively quickly. I wasn't sure what this exchange was. I didn't understand a bit of Spanish honestly but it was clear that this wasn't a friendly exchange.
Miguel looked over at me and grabbed my hand, “Fidel's going to go...isn't that right Fidel...”
Fidel looked over at me.
He walked past me at that moment and said the oddest thing, “It's raining outside. I don't want you to get wet.”
It was the strangest fucking thing. What was that supposed to mean?
Was he trying to show that he gave a fuck about me or something? I didn't get it. I didn't care either. I was just happy when Fidel walked out of the house. Miguel went up behind him and slammed the door shut.
Miguel and I stayed in the beach house. I spent the next two hours in the bath attempting to calm down. The storm was raging outside and it felt exactly how I felt inside. I felt like shit. I felt like everyone was stabbing me in the back. Even Miguel. He just happened to be upstaged by my lying older brother Kenyon and Fidel, a.k.a, Tony Mateo.
There was a knock on the bathroom door. I had been drifting asleep.
The door opened up a little bit. I didn't see Miguel in it.
“Are you ok? You've been in here for a while...”
“I asked you didn't I?”
Miguel walked in. He was acting all shy all of a sudden like some sort of school boy. I didn't know what it was. I had to admit that Miguel was attractive. I always found him attractive but it was always my emotions for Fidel that got in the way of me realizing just how attractive he was. He was a pretty boy and he knew it.
He favored Miguel the singer. He had slick hair, defined facial jaws like the singer. He also had the slanted eyes and dark skin as well. The only difference was in his lips. Miguel's lips were pinker...softer and rounder than the singer Miguel.
“I'll try not to look,” he stated.
“You can't see past the bubbles anyway,” I replied.
“You better put some more in there then. They are fading quick...” he replied.
“I'll be fine,” I stated, “I just called you in here for a question. I wanted to know what Fidel said to you in Spanish before he left.”
“Of course. You brought me in here...just to ask about Fidel...”
Miguel seemed annoyed at that moment.
“That's not true. I was just...curious.”
“Fidel said that if I ever cared about him that I shouldn't tell you anything else,” Miguel replied swiftly and honestly, “About his situation that is.”
I rolled my eyes.
“That's fuck up man.”
Miguel looked over at me, “I never said I agreed to it.”
“Wait. So you'll tell me more?”
Miguel shrugged his shoulders at that moment, “I'll tell you things if I can come in...”
“Hey. I think better naked,” Miguel laughed.
I was half annoyed and half amused for some reason. He was taking my mind off of how pissed I was to be honest.
“I don't think that's a good idea,” I replied.
“Why? Because of Fidel huh?”
“Then why not. Why won't you still let me in? If not for him---you have no other reason. You know you're attracted to me.”
“You are SO cocky.”
“You'll get used to it after we're married. So can I come in or not. I mean do you want to understand the kind of person that Fidel is or nawl---”
I hesitated. Cocky or not---Miguel was right. The only reason that I was hesitating on inviting him in the bath is because of Fidel. I had this loyalty to him that I didn't understand. He wasn't my boyfriend. He never was. He had been lying to me this entire time about who he was. He was a criminal. He was someone who I couldn't trust.
Why should I continue to ride for someone like that?”
“Man...whatever...you can come in. If you behave,” I stated, “Tubs big enough.”
“I'll try,” he stated.
I tried not to watch as Miguel undressed. It was hard not to though. The way he was doing it facing me was almost like he wanted to watch. I could see his figure from the corner of his eye. He had a sexy body...slim and tight. His lean frame exposed a top row of distinct abs. His eyes connected with mine almost like he was trying to invite me to look at his body from head to toe.
I had to turn. I had to stare.
Fuck this boy had it going on.
His skintone was perfectly bronze. His waist was sucked in and as he dropped his underwear I could see a small patch of silky pubic hair. Right underneath was his dick, dangling between his legs and slapping loosely from thigh to thigh as he worked his underwear down.
“Can I get my dick back?” he asked.
“You're staring at it like it's yours...so; can I get my dick back?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes, “I wasn't staring. I mean your waving it around in front of my face. You could have gotten undressed on the other side of the room. You know?”
Miguel shook his head, “What fun is that?”
He took a few steps into the water. The water was still hot surprisingly even though I've been in it for a while. As he got in he ran it even longer. I don't think he was doing it for the heat though. I think he was doing it for the bubbles.
The bubbles in the tub started to surround our bodies...enveloping us in sheets of white. His body glistened when it was wet. He was only inches away from me.
Our legs locked on one another.
“So you going to tell me now?” I asked.
Miguel shrugged, “Ok first off the Ass Assassin isn't what you think. People did take that and run with it. It wasn't some guy going state to state. Those are all rumors. It was actually one incident.”
“My little brothers,” Miguel replied, “See my dad is a cop.”
“No. Seriously. And he's a real religious nut too. Back then he didn't know me and Fidel were gay. I guess back then I had a problem with boys so our excuse to come to hang out in Fort Lauderdale was me bringing my little brothers with us. My dad thought we were just having bonding experiences but really I was just picking up guys. Fidel was no better back then. Back then Fidel had a...drinking problem. You probably notice that he stays away from alcohol now.”
“Yeah he does. So we used to bring my brothers to hang out at this very beach house. So one day I have a date---like I do and when I come back there are cops everywhere. My brothers called the cops. Said Fidel tried to rape them.”
“Oh my God.”
“Right. Fidel denied it. My younger brothers insisted. I----took Fidel's side in court and he was cleared of all charges.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?”
“I just told the truth. It wasn't in Fidel's character to do that. I don't know what happened that night. Fidel never talked about it. My family disowned me after that. Everyone hated me. My family lives in Miami and they don't even talk to me. Fidel went into some protective custody and changed his name because the cops were trying to find him and bring him to justice in their own way.”
“So there is a possibility that Fidel didn't rape those boys?” I asked.
“That's the thing. As years passed. I regretted it. Seeing how they looked back then. They were scared of something. I didn't know what it was...but something happened back in that house. And Fidel never talked about it. The same way that he's acting with you is the same way that he acted with me. And the guilt...it's all over his face. It...it's...clear...”
Miguel was crying.
I was shocked. I mean Miguel wasn't too tough too cry. I just always thought he was too cool to cry at least around someone that he was interested in. When the tears started rolling down his cheeks I was taken aback a little bit.
I found myself rubbing his cheek helping him to dry his tears and get past this as best as I could.
Miguel honestly believed Fidel did it.
“I'm sorry. I know it's hard.”
“I lost everything defending him. I lost everything being loyal to him. I thought it was some sort of joke when he changed his name to Fidel. I felt like maybe he was trying to take a stab at me. I don't know. I was his loyal dog just looking up to him...choosing him over my own little brothers.”
I shook my head, “Damn...”
I never had a good relationship with my brothers. I knew how horrible that made your life. I kept thinking about Kenyon and Donovan at that moment. I kept wondering if things would have been different if we were closer. Maybe Miguel was wondering the same thing.
“That's why I resent him,” Miguel stated shaking his head, “Now you get it? Now you get why I saw you come into the picture and you still show that loyalty to him that I used to have. That shit ain't cool. You can't be loyal to someone like Fidel.”
Loyalty. That's what this was about.
Miguel was right. The very first day I met Miguel I was nothing but loyal to him.
“I just---care...you know?”
I left it open. I said it general.
Miguel leaned closer to me in the water, “I cared too. That's what we have in common. That's why I'm so passionate about you though. All that energy you using to be loyal to someone who doesn't deserve it could be used to be loyal to someone who does.”
At that moment Miguel kissed me.
The kiss was warm...dripping with desire. I didn't expect it as Miguel slowly parted my legs and waded between them.
He sent ripples of soft currents into my stomach as his body leaned over me.
“Damn----” was my response as his tongue rolled to the back of my mouth.
I was shocked that I enjoyed it as much. The feeling of loyalty kept entering my head though. I wanted to be loyal. I wanted to be loyal to Fidel but why? Miguel was right. He didn't deserve it. Fidel didn't deserve it.
“I want to show you what a real down ass boy can do,��� he stated.
He was quick to start kissing on my neck. He tongued my neck slowly making soft circles. The water was warm underneath us as our bodies clashed. His kisses were wet, wild and hungry. I didn't block them or try to avoid them.
He kissed me up the side of my neck and made his way to my ears. He nibbled on them.
I hadn't noticed how hard I was until he grabbed my dick. His hand was making soft circles around my dick. The feeling was so good. It felt so right.
“I want to make you loyal to me,” he whispered in his ear.
He didn't wait for me to respond before he ducked down at that moment. Miguel bobbed underneath the water at that moment. I leaned back immediately realizing what he was doing. Miguel was holding his breath and sucking my dick...underwater!
I could feel mouth furiously sucking at the skin of my dick pulling it and making hard circles around my head.
I felt his finger enter my asshole. Maybe it was the water or maybe he had put some suds on his finger but either way it went right into my ass.
He pulled his head out of the water as though I was calling his name or something.
At that moment he started to put his finger deeper...deeper and deeper.
My head jerked back and I started to moan.
“Damn you look sexy as fuck right now.”
He was just watching me. His face was leaning on the basin of the tub. He was fingering me now harder in and out. Harder and harder! I could feel the finger curl up inside me. Pointing upward as though trying to tickle me and then downwards. His finger made circles in my ass really touching parts of me that I didn't know existed. He massaged my insides so much that I could feel precum forming on my dick and slowly floating to the top of water.
The water was splashing as his finger went in and out of my butthole. I noticed Miguel leaning out of the tub jut enough to start working his own dick. He was playing with it. He was using the remainder of the bubbles to get it nice and silky.
He played with his red head and worked it in soft circles all the while fingering me...splashing water all over me as he did.
“God, what...are you...doing...too me...”
It felt so good. I had to admit. One finger became two and two became three.
That was when he leaned over me. He put my feet up on the separate basins of the tub. My legs were spread wide open. Miguel pressed his hand on my chest pushed me down until my dreds were hittng the water. He grabbed the sides of my ass as though he was really obsessed with how round and tight my ass was.
I heard him moan just from grabbing the flesh around my asshole.
Miguel lowered his dick towards me.
He started to thrust in me at that moment, putting his dick so far in me that I started to spas out a little bit. Miguel started to fuck me. He started to stroke me in the tub.
By this time my ass was primed and ready for it. His dick entered me.
“Damn you tight. How's that feel? You like it...”
“Is it the best you've ever had?”
I paused. Shit. He was doing this on purpose. It was almost like he knew that I'd already fucked Fidel. Fidel's dick was about the same size as Miguel. Fidel's stroke was harder but then again Miguel was fucking me in a tight tub halfway submerged by water. I didn't know. I didn't know what to say.
His dick was thrusting in me and Miguel leaned forward and kissed me on the mouth.
He picked up my right leg aggresively from the basin and tossed it over my shoudler. He turned my body slightly so that now my ass was out of the water enough for him to get a better thrust. Now he was going deeper. Now he was being just as aggressive as Fidel.
It was almost like he was in competition.
“I asked you a question,” Miguel stated at that moment, “Tell me baby. Is it the best you ever had? Is it? Am I hitting that spot?”
“You hitting it! You hitting it papi.”
“I love it when you call me papi. Say that shit again.”
His dick was going deeper and deeper.
My heart was racing. I could feel Miguel pull me in and start kissing me. His body was shaking as his strokes started getting faster and I knew he was close to climax.
“Damn...that ass so good baby. Best ass I ever had. Best ass I ever fucking had...”
He said it a few more times before he finally pulled out and started to orgasm. I wasn't expecting it. I was shocked and turned on at how much it was.
He pulled out and stood up so that his balls were right over my chin. Then Miguel continued to jerk his dick sending splashes of his warm, thick nut all over my face.
“Dam that was hot...”
Miguel seemed ready to top any sex that I'd ever had in my life. I knew he had a goal here. At that moment Miguel leaned over and started to lick the nut off of my face! He licked his own nut off of my face. It literally sent me over the edge.
“Now...now is it the best you ever had?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
I laid back as Miguel went back to giving me head. In the next few minutes I would be nutting in his mouth and he would swallow it.
I had lied though. Even with all his tricks.
He still wasn't the best I ever had...
Miguel took me back home the next day. The storm had finally passed and when we finally got to Miami he parked outside of my house and leaned over.
“You good?” Miguel stated when we pulled up in the house.
“I mean...after all that's happen. I'll probably lay low for a while. You know?”
Miguel nodded, “The same. You got to deal with Kenyon. I just hope you'll be good. You guys didn't seem like you were on really good terms yesterday.”
“We aren't really,” I admitted, “But you got to deal with Fidel.”
Miguel shook his head, “I'll probably be leaving soon. There's no way we can stay together after that.”
“You're family though. I mean I can never talk to Fidel again if I didn't want to,” I stated, “But you and Fidel are family. Maybe you can move past it.”
“Same thing with you and Kenyon, huh?” Miguel stated.
“You got a point. I dunno. Maybe family don't mean what it used to.”
“I'll be your family shorty,” Miguel stated at that moment, “You know I meant it...what I said in that tub. You are the best I ever had. I always told Fidel that there's something about you man. Something about you that makes me want to fall in love.”
“You really like me that much?”
“That much plus more,” Miguel replied bluntly.
I wasn't used to it. I wasn't used to someone being so blunt and open with me. Fidel had tried to play hard to get for so long. Miguel was clearly not playing hard to get. Hell it was the opposite. Miguel was very very easy to get.
I thought about it. I needed time. I needed time to clear my head and stop thinking about Fidel all together.
“I should go...”
He stared at me for a minute as though trying to figure me out. I was wondering if I had made a mistake sleeping with him so soon. I was wondering if I had made mistake doing something like that. I mean Fidel was a liar, Fidel was sneaky. Fidel wasn't loyal but at the same time I felt like maybe I should have given it more time.
I felt guilty.
“I'll be fine,” I replied.
“Can I get a kiss goodbye?”
I leaned in...and kissed Miguel on the forehead.
I knew he was surprised by it. He had expected me to kiss him on the lips. I just couldn't. I just needed to reset all of a sudden. I had fallen the passion last night in the tub but I needed time to work on me and figure out what I wanted.
Two days had passed before my family meal. I was dreading it. It was going to be the first time that my family was all together in a long time. I would be seeing Kenyon. For the first time probably in my whole life I was ok with seeing Donovan more than I wanted to see Kenyon. I sat down actually next to Donovan as opposed to Kenyon.
“You're late,” my father said.
“I was taking a nap,” I replied.
I was lying. I wasn't taking a nap. I was hoping that they would be done eating by the time I came downstairs. Unfortunately for me everyone was just on desert when I came downstairs. Kenyon looked over at me. Our eyes connected for a second and then we looked away.
“How did you sleep?” my mother asked me.
Silence. I didn't know why it was so awkward with everyon.
“Faggots always sleep well,” Donovan stated, “Deal with the devil.”
“I honestly think you've just surpassed my expectations for your stupidity,” I told Donovan rolling my eyes, “Thank you for excelling.”
“Boys---be nice,” my dad stated, “I actually think this is a really important time for everyone. Especially with what happened with Kenyon.”
“Kenyon's fine. He's a soldier. Can't no faggot bring him down.” Donovan stated.
I hated the idea that my family was getting used to people just dropping the F bomb like it was ordinary. My mother had even stopped correcting them or telling them not to use it. They used it so much in such a disrespectful way that it was everyday nature to expect Donovan to say something ignorant about gay people.
It was literally like common past time. Bash gay dudes. That was his life.
“Not unless he wanted them to,” I added.
Kenyon shot me a glare. He knew just what I was talking about. He was in the closet. He was sitting here letting Donovan say all this stuff about being gay meanwhile he was the main one that was wanting to have sex with guys. Fidel was attractive, whatever his past. I knew that the one time Fidel told me couldn't have been the only time Kenyon tried to get with him.
Still. I couldn't be a hypocrite. I had fucked Miguel after all.
“You boys be nice. Your father and I have something important to tell you guys?” my mother stated.
Donovan's smart ass had to say something, “You are going to save Shay's soul?”
“What?” I asked.
At that moment I realized me and Donovan finally had something in common. Donovan seemed just as shocked and confused. We literally just got to Miami not too long ago and now they were saying that we were leaving.
I didn't fucking get it. My heart was racing.
“We can't move. I just got settled down here,” Donovan explained shaking his head, “What the fuck do you mean we're moving.”
“Watch your mouth young man,” my mother replied.
She didn't hear all those times he said faggot but she did here the one time he said fuck? I rolled my eyes. I was sick of this.
“I'm not going anywhere,” I stated, “I'm grown. You guys can go if you want.”
“Actually we don't really have much of a choice...” Kenyon stated.
“Why is that?” I asked.
Kenyon shook his head, “I told them...”
No. No he wouldn't...
I was breathing so heavy. Why the fuck would he burden them with something like this? Why the fuck would he get my parents involved in something like this! I wanted to jump across the table and fuck up Kenyon's other arm. We were staring at each other.
You could cut the tension with a knife and it just so happened to be the knife I was holding in my hand at this moment.
They already didn't trust gay people. He was setting us up for failure.
My dad raised his head, “That boy next door Fidel is actually Tony Mateo. Did you think your brother wouldn't tell us?”
“He's who---” my brother said, “You've got to be kidding me...man, I'm going to deal with this.”
“Your gang isn't dealing with anything,” I said standing up at that moment.
“You want to fucking bet faggot?” Donovan asked.
“Russian Roulette---you aren't doing anything to him,” I stated.
I don't think Donovan knew this side of me. I didn't think he expected me to be as aggressive as I was being at that table.
I didn't know why I was defending Fidel. He didn't deserve me defending him but I had to. I had to defend more than just him. I had to defend the idea that maybe there was possibly more to the story. Maybe there was a chance he didn't really rape those boys even though he was being secretive and he had lied.
It was a small chance...but it was still a chance.
“See this is exactly why we need to leave,” my dad replied, “Kenyon told us all about this gang activity. He's the only one who has some sense. And we need to get out of here.”
“Like I said---I'm not going,” I replied.
“You don't have a choice. We are entering the witness protection program.”
“The what now?” I asked, “Why the fuck would we be in the witness protection program.
My parents looked over at Kenyon. What the fuck was Kenyon doing? Why did Kenyon have the look on his face.
“Fidel's trial is coming up and I'm testifying,” Kenyon stated at that moment.
My mouth dropped open.
Kenyon was going to lie.
He not only put Fidel's life in danger by letting people know that Fidel was really Tony Mateo but now he was trying to get Fidel locked up?
No. This would ruin Fidel. I had to warn him. I had to warn him.
“Kenyon. Please don't do this. Fidel doesn't deserve that and you know it.”
“He's not a good guy. He needs to be locked up son,” my Dad stated.
“He's not a good guy because he's gay? That's enough reason huh?” I asked, “Kenyon...you know this is wrong. Please Kenyon.”
Kenyon looked at me shaking his head. He had shut down. He wasn't even trying to make a connection to me like he did back at the inn. Now he was just acting like the dickhead that I knew he was completely. A sellout. A fucking SELLOUT!
Fidel didn't shoot that gun. Why the fuck was he trying to put it on Fidel?
It was at that moment that I realized that maybe Fidel didn't rape those boys. Could it be possible that people would really pin some shit on him just because he was gay?
“I'm going to testify that I saw him pull that trigger and shoot me in the drive by,” Kenyon replied, “And I just don't give a fuck if it's true or not.”
I hated him. I got up off the table.
I had to warn Fidel. Even with all that had went on. Even with the secrets he was keeping from me there was still this sense of loyalty to him that I couldn't understand.
The shit was about to hit the fan.
I had to warn him of Kenyon snitching. I had to warn him of Donovan's threat.
Fidel was in danger.
I got to the door before I turned around.
“You know what's crazy...if you would have confided in me earlier I would have helped you. I would have let you know that just because you're gay...doesn't mean you have to be a faggot,” I told Kenyon, dragging him out of the closet before I slammed the door shut.