I was looking at some old photos of Lamont. It had been a week now since he died. Things didn't get any better though. Everyday I was still crying. Everyday it felt like my heart broke. I had met a loyal dude and that was hard to find these days. I had lost him.
I was going to get revenge. I was going to use this Gay Guerrilla Gang to completely dismantle WAF, the police force and any other homophobic organization out there. I was going to do it by force.
A knock came on the door.
I quickly dried my eyes and put Lamont's photos away. When I turned I saw Miguel. I had expected him to be at work at his hardware store. He was a handyman. I used to work with Miguel until my boss found out that I had gotten married to another man. He fired me. I expected Miguel to ride out for me and quit but he didn't. He stayed in his little closet at work just for money. I guess I didn't blame him but I did have a little resentment that he wasn't more loyal. He was family after all.
He must have noticed my eyes being red or something. I didn't want pity though. I had gotten enough of that. What I wanted now was revenge.
"Cool, cous. Well Shay is downstairs again. He wanted to talk to you about something."
I had been avoiding Shay like the plague. He had been trying to talk to me for a while now. Truth was I could tell Miguel was kind of jealous by it. He didn't have anything to be jealous of. I was done with Shay. If I wasn't so worried about Shay at the protest I probably would have been able to save Lamont. Lamont would still be alive.
"Cous...you ain't busy. Why you playing him like this?" Miguel asked shaking his head, "He's a good dude."
"He's not one of us. He ain't hard. He shouldn't be in GGG. He shouldn't be around this."
"He gay ain't he?"
"Yeah so what?"
"I think any gay person should be able to join GGG," Miguel replied,"Especially with the shit he has been through. Look. I don't know what your beef is with Shay but just hear him out. For me."
Miguel was playing the family card. It made me sick a little bit.
I shrugged at that moment and got up off the bed.
We walked downstairs and I saw Shay sitting in the living room. Rashad was also there. Rashad had been hanging around the house even with Lamont gone. I didn't mind. Rashad and I were honestly getting closer. He seemed like a cool guy and he wanted the same thing that I wanted. He wanted to get revenge for Lamont. Lamont was my husband and Lamont was his best friend. Now that Lamont was gone, I still wanted to carry out a friendship with Rashad. Even though we didn't get along with Lamont here, now we had something in common. We had hatred in common. Hatred for straight people.
"He won't take no for an answer," Rashad stated, talking about Shay.
"Yo cool out," Miguel replied, "Let him talk."
I looked over at Shay. It was hard to look at him. I felt so guilty. I felt guilty because when I looked at him I still saw that sexy dude that had completely made me want to step out on my relationship. I felt like shit. I hadn't stepped out on my relationship with him but I wanted to. I wanted to get to know Shay and I had emotionally cheated on Lamont because I liked Shay more than a friend. Looking at Shay now all those harsh feelings came back.
Why did he look at me like that? Why did it seem like he looked into my soul every time he stared at me. Dude was a man-eater. I couldn't take it.
"I wanted to share something with you guys," Shay stated, "I found out that my brother Donovan is a member of WAF."
"Holy shit," Rashad stated.
Miguel seemed to be bragging, "See told you that Shay was down for us."
He was giving away his brother...to us. We didn't know the identity of anyone in WAF. They always wore scarfs or ski masks when they did the fucked up things they did. The fact that we could identify one was big. This could turn everything. I couldn't believe Shay was coming to us with this.
"Not only that. I know the name of the dude who did the shooting. His name is Pablo. He was over my house about a week ago."
"You just now telling us this info!" I asked.
I didn't know why I was screaming at him like that. I couldn't help myself. I felt bad for doing it almost immediately. I should have apologized but I didn't. I didn't want to take down that wall between us. I had taken down that wall before and it resulted in Lamont being killed.
"Fidel calm down, he's trying," Miguel stated.
Rashad even stuck up for Shay at that point, "Hell yeah I mean he has been trying to talk to you for a minute. I had no idea this what it was about though."
Shay looked over to me, "Yeah. You've been ignoring me."
"I'm in mourning."
Shay nodded, "I get that but...you know what. Nevermind. It doesn't matter. I have a plan."
We all looked at Shay. Rashad and I had been making all the plans when it came to GGG. We had been splitting the power. Everyone said they were down with it but no one was really doing anything. People were just kind of going with whatever Rashad and I said. It was almost like there hearts weren't in it. The fact that Shay was coming up with a plan blew my mind.
I had to loosen up a little bit, "Ok. Ok. What's your plan?"
"My brother wants to spy on me and find out my next target. I say we give him a target..."
"Pass the potatoes please."
Two days had passed and I was in the Watts household. This was part of Shay's plan. He invited me to dinner. The dinner was a family style dinner. Shay's mother had made some chicken, mashed potatoes and corn. Shay's entire family was there. I guess they had big meals like this as a family once a week and this was our opportunity to feed Donovan some false information.
"So Fidel, is it?" Shay's father asked, "Shay tells us that you lost someone very close to you recently."
The entire family's eyes looked at me. The ones that seemed the most shocked were Shay's older brothers. The one brother that I knew to be named Donovan was a fat ass hog. His eyes twisted rudely at me and he sighed deep. The other one looked just as surprised though. Shay said that his name was Kenyon. Kenyon was handsome like Shay. He seemed to have that thug side to him. He had locks like Shay as well but they were short compared to Shay's whose locks fell to his shoulders.
Kenyon shook his head, "Damn yo...I had no idea you was a fag."
"KENYON!" Shay's mother stated.
Kenyon shook his head, "It's a compliment. These gay dudes are getting more and more masculine nowadays. It's crazy. Wow...you act just like a man."
"I am a man," I corrected him.
Kenyon shook his head, "True. You know what I mean. You all like masculine and shit. That's surprising. I mean I thought my little brother was the only one who was a little masculine and it's cause I made him like that. I told him if he was going to be a fag, he was going to be a manly one."
"What's so masculine about getting fucked in the ass?" Donovan asked.
Shit. They spoke foul around their parents.
I watched as Shay rolled his eyes and paid attention to his food. He must have dealt with this all the time. Kenyon I didn't think came from a foul place. I think he was just ignorant. Donovan however seemed to have this deep rooted hatred for gays. I wonder if it was because Shay was just so much more attractive than he was. I couldn't believe they were actually even related. If you get past the acne, fucked up facial features and the weight he still seemed like a very ugly person.
"Sorry about my sons,' Shay's mother stated, "The funeral was very beautiful."
"You have our condolences..."
"I appreciate it," I replied, "The gay community has no choice but to move forward with life though. We have an event coming up."
"An event?" Shay asked.
I looked across the table. In the corner of my eye I could see Donovan had picked up his head. He was paying close attention to what I was trying to say.
"Yeah. At the eastside Pavillion Harbor. At 8 tonight. You should come Shay..."
Donovan was glancing at me. I saw him pull out his phone. Was he taking notes in it? Interesting. Shay's plan was actually working.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Shay's father replied, "We kind of want Shay to stay away from social events for awhile."
Social events...or gay events?
I nodded, "Understandable."
"So are you and my brother fucking?" Kenyon asked.
"Oh my god!" Shay said looking up from the table, "Why do you care?"
"I"m just saying. You invited him to dinner and shit. You be watching him from your bedroom window do lawn work all the time with his shirt off. I figured some shit was going on. You fuckin' my lil' brother or naw."
"Yo this nasty," Donovan stated, "I lost my fucking appetite. "
Donovan got up off the table at that moment and rudely took his plate with him. I looked at Shay's face. He was clearly embarrassed. I couldn't help but to choke a little on my potatoes. Shay watched me do lawn work everyday? I should have found it weird. But truth was it was turning me on. I didn't want it to but it did.
I cleared my throat and pushed my own thoughts aside, "I'm married."
Kenyon shook his head, "Not anymore you're not."
He was right. Still. I felt married even though Lamont was dead. I looked over at Shay from the other side of the table. I couldn't help but to pay attention to him.
He looked over at me too. Our eyes connected. They connected one moment too long. I had to stop thinking about him. I had to stay away from him...
It was 8:15. We were standing in the shadows at the pier.
"They aren't going to show up," Rashad stated.
"Yes they will. Trust me. I saw the look on Donovan's face," I stated, "They are going to show up."
We stood there in the darkness. Shay was the only one who couldn't make it. We all knew that if Shay came his brother would be able to tell who he was immediately regardless of what kind of disguise we put him in. This was part of Shay's plan though. Even though I wasn't getting along with him I had to admit this whole plan was BOMB.
Suddenly from the distance I saw someone running.
It was Miguel.
"They're coming! They're coming!"
Miguel ran to the shadows beside us. All of a sudden on the pier a truck pulled up. It was the WAF truck. It was the same truck that was used that day of the shooting. It was definitely them. The truck pulled into the pier and came to a stop. I looked at the people who were in the truck. It was four of them. They all had scarfs around their faces. They even had sunglasses. I couldn't tell who they were. They looked like a gang of hooligans. Three of them had bats and one of them had a gun.
I watched as Venus rolled out to the pier. He said he didn't want anything to do with us but he came back around of course. Venus's wheelchair rolled over the pier into the streetlight and immediately the WAF guys had gotten out of the car.
There was laughter.
"What we got here?" one of them said, "A crippled faggot."
Venus was acting like he was scared. Hell maybe he was scared.
"What do you---what do you want?"
"Where's the rest of your faggot friends?"
"I don't know---I don't---"
Suddenly one of them smacked Venus across the face. I saw a stream of blood come out of Venus's mouth when he did it. I gave Rashad, Felix, Miguel and Tony the signal. It was time to move.
"Where are they you fucking child rapist," one of the WAF guys said to Venus, "You got one last time to answer. You hear me?"
That's what they thought of all of us gays. They thought we raped kids. It was how they excused their hate for us.
I had a gun to the dome of the guy with the gun before I knew it. Miguel had the other gun. All the others had baseball bats in their hands.
"Yo what the fuck?"
They looked at us. Venus had rolled away into the darkness but we had taken his place. Tony and Felix were Rashad's homeboys from way back. Rashad had met them when he was locked up. They watched each other's backs. Miguel was a pretty boy but growing up in Miami I knew he was tough. I was far from a punk. We were dressed in all black. We had rainbow scarfs tied right underneath our noses to conceal our identities. I could see the shock in their eyes. I noticed the one with the gun was Donovan.
"ALL OF YOU, drop your fucking weapons now!" Rashad barked.
Rashad had this violent tone in his voice. I watched as he swung the baseball bat over his head. He had swung it an inch away from Donovan's head. Donovan quickly dropped his gun and I picked it up off the floor. The rest of them dropped their weapons too. We formed a quick circle around the four WAF guys. It was clear they weren't expecting this.
"What the fuck is going on?" Donovan asked again.
"You fucked with the wrong gays today," Rashad stated, "You fucking with GGG now, motherfuckas. Gay Guerilla Gang..."
"Ya'll some faggots?" another WAF member asked.
They started laughing. They thought it was a joke. They were laughing at us. I wasn't shocked when Rashad went off at that moment. He swung his bat. This time it landed right on the guy who called us faggots. It hit him on his back and he dropped to his knees at that moment.
All of a sudden the laughter stopped. They didn't find shit funny anymore.
It was Donovan who spoke, "Ya'll serious? Yo. You fuckin' with the wrong people. There are a lot more of us."
"Oh yeah. Which one of you is Pablo?" I asked.
Pablo was the one who shot Lamont. I didn't know what I was going to do to him when I found him. I hadn't thought that far. It kind of scared me thinking about it though. I had to know though. I had to know who Pablo was.
"Pablo is the leader of WAF," Donovan stated, "He wouldn't come here at night to fuck with you sissies. He would have done it in the day time. Like he shot up that faggot ass rally last time..."
"He's lying!" Rashad screamed.
Rashad dashed forward. He was going after Donovan. I literally had to hold him back at that point. Rashad was going nuts. I was upset too but I had to reel him in a little bit.
"Stick to the plan," I told Rashad.
"We should just kill them," Rashad stated, "Scum like this don't deserve to die."
"We don't kill," I told Rashad.
I could see the look in his eyes. He didn't agree with me. Rashad was pissed and I understood that but right now he wasn't thinking clearly. He was overcome with emotion.
"Cause ya'll are sissies," one of the WAF members said, "Fuckin madicone..."
I looked over at them, "Yo get undressed..."
The WAF members looked over at me. They looked shocked when I said what I was saying. They weren't afraid yet. They weren't afraid.
"You want me to let this motherfucker go?" I stated signaling to Rashad.
Rashad had his bat in his hand. If I let him go there would be no stopping him. He was swing away. He used to play baseball too. They didn't want any parts of that. By the look in their eyes I could see they knew we meant business.
"DO WHAT THE FUCK HE SAYS!" Rashad screamed out.
He jerked forward.
Immediately they started to get undressed. They got all the way undressed. Sick. They were all out of shape losers. Two black guys and two spanish guys. Miguel and Felix ripped off their scarfs so we could see their faces. Donovan actually looked pissed. He was grimacing something crazy at that moment. He was watching us with the meanest look on his face that I had ever seen.
Donovan was looking at me...specifically. Did he recognize me even with my scarf on my face? Was he suspicious of my identity. I had tried to disguise my voice but I wondered if he still thought it was me behind the scarf.
It didn't matter. I had to stay strong.
"Put these on..." I stated.
Miguel handed me a bag. Shay had gone shopping for us. He got us some props. We handed it to them. We had brought extra but we pulled out four pairs.
"Bikini thongs motherfuckers. Matching tops!" Miguel laughed.
They grumbled a little bit but I could tell they were scared now. They had guns and baseball bats pointed at them. They weren't going to act no way. It was Tony who took his phone out.
The flash on his phone flooded the dark pier.
"World star!" he screamed.
We watched they put on the thongs. I could see how upset they looked. This was their worst fear. These manly men were actually wearing female underwear. The camera captured as they helped each other attach on the matching bra tops as well. Miguel, Tony and Felix were laughing so hard at this. Me and Rashad weren't though. This was payback for us. This meant more than just something funny. I could see Rashad wanted to do more to them though. He wanted to hurt them. Having a video with them in underwear wasn't enough.
Rashad wanted to kill them.
I had to go a step further.
"Now kiss each other," I stated, "There is an even amount. Kiss each other."
"I'll die first," Donovan stated.
Out of all of them he was being the most difficult. I could see the resistance in his eyes. He was challenging me at that moment. He was challenging me to do something.
I hadn't paid attention to Rashad though until he screamed out, "Suits me!"
Rashad hit Donovan across the face with the bat. I watched in almost horror as the bat hit Donovan across the face. Blood streamed out of Donovan. Miguel and Felix held him back as Tony picked Donovan back up. Donovan's eye was red and busted up at that moment. He looked crazy.
Rashad was going too far. He was going too far but I couldn't act soft in front of the WAF guys.
"Now kiss!" I told them.
All of a sudden they started to kiss it. It was pecks at first. Donovan was kissing one member of WAF and the other two were kissing each other. They looked disgusted. It was their worst fear come to reality.
"Yo did you see his face when Rashad hit him with the bat?" Tony asked.
The others were in my house. It was later that night. They were laughing about what happened. Rashad wasn't laughing though. He was sitting in the corner of the room. I guess he still hadn't calmed down. He was still angry.
I walked over to him at that moment.
"You did good..."
"You know it's war now," Rashad stated, "You going to hold me back next time?"
He was being resistant. The others looked over at us. It was clear Rashad wanted to be in charge. I would have been cool with that but Rashad was a firecracker. I wasn't sure how far he would go. He was right about one thing though. A war had started.
"You guys should leave. It's getting late. We'll talk about everything in the morning," I said.
Rashad shot me a stare but didn't say anything.
I walked upstairs to find Miguel after everyone left. I wanted to talk to him about Rashad. I didn't knock on Miguel's door. I never knocked on Miguel's door.
I just walked in like usual.
Miguel wasn't alone though.
Miguel was sitting with Shay in his room. They were just talking but there was a closeness to them. I had to admit seeing them like this made me jealous at that moment. Shay had been smiling at Miguel. Miguel had smiled back.
"Can I talk to you Miguel? In the hallway?" I asked.
I walked into the hallway.
A few minutes later Miguel walked out into the hallway with me.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Nothing. Shay was just showing me how to upload videos on youtube. We were about to upload the video we took tonight," Miguel stated.
I nodded, "Um...so you two..."
"He seems to be opening up to me doesn't he?" Miguel stated, "I think I'm going to ask him out."
"What do you mean ask him out."
"Like on a date."
Why was my heart beating to fast. I shouldn't have cared. Caring was the reason that Lamont died. Still. I did care. It was like this feeling of jealousy that I never felt. What if I let them get too close?
I shook my head, "Look Miguel. I don't think you and Shay are good together?"
Because I still had a crush on Shay. That's what I would have said. It's probably what I should have said. Instead Lamont just came to my head. Lamont had just died not too long ago. What kind of dude would I be to step on my cousin's toes because of a simple crush.
"You know what. I just didn't think you would want to settle down. He seems a little sensitive no? Maybe you should just be friends with him for a while. I don't know."
"I'm not going to hurt him."
"Miguel you a player."
"I told you already though cous, I'll hang that shit up for the right dude. What if Shay is the right dude?"
"Yo why you hating on Shay? What's the real beef here?"
I was hating on Shay. I liked Shay. I felt so confused. I knew Miguel was looking at me suspiciously.
I couldn't do this emotional shit.
I walked away.
I couldn't get Shay out of my head. I could still hear them laughing and joking around upstairs. I stayed downstairs though in the backyard and went to smoke some weed. The kush hit my lungs. It filled my mouth up so much that I coughed.
There was more laughter from Miguel's room. His bedroom window was right above the backyard. I could hear they were having a good time. They were getting closer. I wondered if Miguel made his move yet. I wondered if he asked Shay out on a date. If they actually started dating it would be too late.
Did I want it to be late though?
I jumped up. I wasn't expecting anyone. I had sent everyone home. I looked over however to see Kenyon. He had jumped over the fence and made his way into my backyard.
"Yo..." I replied.
What the fuck did he want? Had he come to get revenge for what I did to Donovan. Did they know it was me? Did they have any idea that it was me?
"You seen my little brother?" Kenyon asked, "Something happened to my brother Donovan. My mom wants all of us back at the house."
"He's upstairs...I'll go call him."
"Hey...wait a second."
My heart was beating. Did he know? This Kenyon dude was acting funny. He was acting out of character. I watched him walk right up to the house uninvited.
"Something happening between you and my brother? Honestly?"
"Naw. I told you already..."
"I feel you. I feel you," He stated.
I turned around, "I'll go tell Shay to come downstairs."
What the fuck was going on? He stopped me again.
"Can you keep a secret?" he asked me.
"What kind of secret?"
"This kind of secret," Kenyon stated.
At that moment I was BEYOND shocked when Kenyon walked up to me and kissed me on the lips...
To read the next chapter please go to www.crushedcrown.com