Gangsta Lovin

I was startled to see Dante sleeping on the couch, this could complicate things. Hopefully, he wont get up. I slid to the large survalience system and found a careless box of tools next to it. Within five minute I had the whole survelience system on the fritz. No more peep shows for the boys I thought as I smiled triumphantly. I couldn't do a full on victory dance because I still had a few more pressing matters to attend to.

I slid into Damion's room to find all his men in bunks in the main room. A small door in the back of the room, pass all the men led a door into Damion's bedroom. I walked through the main room, with no ease. Not a sound was made as I passed thru, I looked at the men and shook my head. What if we were being attacked? I could have cut almost every ones neck before anyone would notice. I went into Damion's room to find him laying on the bed in his birthday suit. I did take a second to admire the view. I slid my hand under his head and pillow and pulled out his gun. I let the cold metal touch his forehead and his eyes popped open.

"Was wondering how I was going to get your attention. I've been playing around in this room for so long and no one even noticed." I said to him as I straddled his waist.

"Hey Rafael, come here for a social visit." He whispered huskily, as he thrusted a bit into my boxer-brief covered ass. I always had the ability to look at Damion and see everything. I saw him trying to look cool and not worried.

"I would worry if I were you. If I recall you turned against me. That, unbelievable as it is, I can deal with but you blabbing my little secrets I can not." I said slowly.

"Raf...what was I suppose to do. They wouldn't have trusted me if they thought I was keeping shit from them again."

"Interesting, last time I checked YOU WERE keeping shit from him. You told Dante about all those fucking weapons you stole for me when I didn't even ask you to? You tell Wolf yet that you're the black sheep that's been selling weed to every one, specifically after he gave that touching speech about how we need to be sharp and by taking drugs we weren't doing so? There is a few shit you haven't told them, you only felt in necessary to tell them MY shit." I sneered at him.

"I haven't told about the other men who have pledge allegiance to you." He said, looking for a little redemption. I had to laugh at him in his face.

"Your not dropping those names because they all know where you family is and wouldn't think twice about putting a bullet thru that precious little girl you have." I said calmly, rubbing the gun against his lips.

"Fuck you" he gritted thru his teeth.

"Been there, done that, wasn't very good. From both ends your lacking. One area your too loose, next area your too small." I smiled at him as the anger flashed in his eyes.

"Wanna fight me Damion, want to hurt me? I thought you just loooooooooooooved me. Come on, answer me you fucking punk." I taunted.

"Yes"

"Good now the feelings are mutual. You, sweet thang, make sure to keep that trap of yours shut. I've got ways that not even death can prevent me from getting at you. The only thing your mouth should be open for is to suck my dick, because that's the only thing you were good at." I said as I rose off of him and gave him a wink. He laid on the bed fuming.

"Well, Damion its always nice to talk to you. Some ones in my bed and we wouldn't want him to wake up with me gone he can be quite jealous and somewhat of a bitch at times. I don't think he'll appreciate you trying to fuck me. You know this being a `social' visit and everything." I said as I headed just as quietly and swiftly out of his and the main room. Sliding into the hallway I checked the gun to see if the clip was empty or full, it was full. Okay one more thing to take care of.

I slid into my room and locked the door, pulling the dresser in front of it . Time to have a talk with my boy toy. I rested my back against the head of the bed and rested my hand on top of my leg, the cold metal of the gun against my skin sent goose bumps through out me.

"Lovin" I said firmly. He mumbled something along the lines of what and come here. His hand pulled at my legs to pull me in closer to him. His palm felt the cold metal and his eyes opened immediately. I brushed his hand off the gun and he didn't put up a fight thinking it was my gun.

"What do you need your gun for?" He asked softly as he situated himself so that he was facing opposite of me. His eyes intent on mine.

"You didn't think it strange that I just opened my arms to you after all of this. Just like that, thought it would be so easy." I asked, my face losing the oneness that I had put there for the last past day and went back to the hardness that I had for months.

"Why couldn't it be that easy? Why are you playing games? What was tonight all about then?" He said I could see his temper rising, he went to reach out for me but I put the gun up to him. He pushed the gun away as if it was a toy of some sort.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Lovin. This isn't my gun, you know the one full of fucking blanks. No the bullets in this gun are very real." I said as I tilted my head to the side as I watched his eyes finally take a good look at the gun and the fear and anger start to build.

"You plan on using that?" He gritted. I just smiled sweetly at him.

"You should have just let me walked away back at the cabin. Should have just let me gone. What are you trying to hold onto Lovin?" I asked seriously.

"Real love" he replied and I couldn't help but to chuckle.

"Real love? Heh, we fight more then we fuck. Which is an incredible feat seeing just how much we fuck. We've beaten each other bloody. We've held a gun to one another more times then I could count. You think this is love, real love?" I asked with one eyebrow perched higher then another. A smirk playing on my lips.

"Yes, you can say what ever you want but you cant deny that. I wont let you deny that feeling. You love me and you don't have to fucking say it because I've seen it and heard it in you." He said with so much conviction.

"I cant deny it? That's the thing Lovin, I can deny it. You've only seen what I wanted you to see, only heard what I wanted you to hear" I smirked.

"What about when your thinking hard and you mumble to yourself." He said triumphantly.

"Like this" I said as I got a pensive look and started mumbling to myself for a second. When I looked back at him I saw his resolve chipping away. His eyes starting to get moist.

"Don't do this Rafael" he whispered to me. His knees pulled up to his chest as he stared into my eyes looking for something to tell him different then what I was saying.

"Don't do what? Tell you I don't love you. Tell you I was using you all along." I said, the smirk on my face never leaving. I watched as his arms wrapped around his knee and his head crashed into them. He wasn't sobbing, just tears running down his face as he pulled him in as much as he could.

"How pitiful to see such a big and strong man like you crying like a baby." I said as I stretched out and watched his leaking eyes. You could see him trying to control himself but he wasn't winning that fight. I reached out and grabbed one of his long strands of hair and started twirling it in my fingers.

"You hurt baby? You need to take out some of that aggression? I got an itch you can scratch." I laughed as his head popped up from in his arms and he scurried away from my grasp. He went to get out of the bed but I held up the loaded gun and nodded it toward the bed, he sat back down but now with his back facing me. His knees back to his chest. Though he wouldn't let a sound come from him he was sobbing so hard that his whole body was shaking, his sobbing was so hard that it was a wonder he was even breathing. He let out a small muffled cry and the sound coming from him could only be considered as great agony.

"Want me to tell you about my little lovin with Damion, boo boo?"

"Fuck you"

"Don't you want to hug and kiss me, wanna screw. I give you my body so willingly King Mandigo. Think about it baby you can have part of me or none of me at all." I said as I took another strand of his hair to twirl.

"Leave me the fuck alone" He whispered in his coarse voice.

"Hurts like hell doesn't it? Tell me how it feels, humor me?"

"Fuck you" he said thru sobs.

"Does it feel like a knife sliding slowly in your heart or more like your heart being pulled out?"

"Does it feel like `just walked in on your boyfriend and best friend boinking' or more like I was his little slut bitch realization?" I spit at him.

"Does it feel like a blow to the balls or a too tight grip on your meat?" I continued.

"IT FEELS LIKE I'M FUCKING DYING! LIKE ALL OF THE ABOVE AND MORE. YOU FUCKING HAPPY?" He screamed at me, I couldn't decide which was more present in his eyes, sadness or hate.

"Yeah I am happy." I said simply as I took the clip out and threw it softly at him. His body twisted so that he was looking at me, his red eyes trained on mine. "Now you know how it feels." I said as the nonchalant facade dropped, a lone tear falling.

I watched him struggle with what he wanted to do. A part of him wanted to beat me to a bloody pulp for fucking with him like that and another part just wanted to rush over to me and hug me tightly, happy that it wasn't true. He ultimately decided on both as he wrapped me up in his arms so tight I was having trouble breathing. It was a way to have me close and hurt me a little bit at the same time. All the while he whispered words of love and hate at the same time. Though I felt like one of my ribs would soon shatter I just hugged him firmly and rested my head on his shoulder and listened as the obscenities and poetry flowed from his mouth.

When the super grip he had on me let up a little I looked up at him. His face was wet, his eyes were red and swollen but he still looked perfect to me. "You do that to me again and I'll kill you?" He said as he wiped away the few tears I shed. I followed his lead and started wiping at his face

"Same goes for you." I said as I kissed him gently. That night or morning whichever way you want to see it. I felt so much more better, relieved that we were resolved. When I came back in the room to `teach him a lesson' I wasn't sure how it would play out. Wasn't sure if he'd take me back afterwards. Wasn't even sure if I wanted him back. One thing for sure was he was right. I couldn't deny we were in love, real love. Because I too have heard it in his voice and seen it.

"You mumbling for your benefit or mine" He whispered in my ear and I jumped a little bit startled. I thought he was sleeping.

"Swore I heard you snoring." I said to him as I turned in his arms so I was facing him.

"Your not the only great actor. I knew you were in one of those thinking type moods. I wanted to know if the whole mumbling thing was really one of your bad habits, or just your way of putting shit out there." He said as he pushed a lock of hair out my face.

"Unfortunately it is a bad habit." I answered as I put my hand over his and kept it pressed to my face.

"What's bothering you?" He asked as he brought our foreheads together.

"Nothing, I'm happier then I've been in months."

"Yeah I can somehow...like feel that, but some things still wrong with you, tell me " he whispered.

"I feel good that things are rectifying themselves but I still have a few problems that aren't going to be so easy." I told him.

"Heh, so that was an easy situation to rectify." He said, trying to hide some of his irritation. I changed positions so that I was on my back, looking up at the ceiling. My signature move that said I don't want to talk.

"That's not going to work, spill it." Lovin said as he pulled me closer to him, his head resting on my chest.

"Kevin"

"Huh? Whose Kevin?" Lovin asked.

"Wolf"

"What about him?"

"I cant t forgive him. I can forgive you...because well, I don't know. Its like I always thought he'd be there. I wasn't always sure you'd be there. Don't get me wrong I hoped you would, but Wolf. He's been my friends, my dad, my life line. And when I turned around and saw that he wasn't there it was like I lost my life, I wasn't living. Not really living, just going thru the motions. I want so bad to be able to lean on him again, to trust he'd always be there for me, but I cant. Its like if I lost him and...and...I don't want to find him." I said trying to put my feelings into words.

"Why is it bothering you so much now. What's the difference between yesterday and today. You slept fine yesterday and it cant be us together because we were together yesterday" Lovin said.

"That's where your wrong. Yesterday we were in the same bed but we weren't together. Too many unresolved issues and I was more or less playing with you. I was seriously thinking if I wanted to stay or go, and go as in disappear in a whole different part of the country kind of go. Now that I know I'm staying and I've already dealt with two issues, it brings the other issue to the forefront." I said as I started stroking Lovin's hair.

"The first issue being Damion." Lovin stated more then asked.

"Recognized the gun?" I asked curiously.

"I'm a light sleeper, no matter how tired I am. I'm not dumb, you know. I knew you were up to something. I followed you out and watched you fuck up the survelience. Well its time for me to drop some knowledge on you teacher. Their happens to be two survelience cameras. One goes into the living room and the other goes into Wolf's room. So I woke him up and we sat down and watched your antics. You are right I can be bitch when I'm jealous." Lovin said simply into my chest. It seemed the tables had been turned on me. I should of known better.

"Oh" was my smart reply. He looked up at me and smiled. "We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?" I just shook my head yes. Lovin shifted himself and me so that I was laying back into a spoon.

His soft voice made its debut. Singing one of the most prettiest songs I've ever heard, I never heard it before but it was divine. His voice carrying, dimming out the brightness in my mind. Softly lulling me to sleep. I tried to stay up, tried to listen to the beautiful lyrics but his voice was too soothing and I fell asleep before the end:

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over, and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over, and over, and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing, and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope

I give you my destiny
I'm givin' you all of me
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs, I'm givin' it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hand and pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours I pray
To be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope

When I awoke, I awoke to soft whispering in my ear. Speaking such beautiful words that I knew even if I tried I would never be able to come up with something half as good. A soft symphony of lyrics being whispered into me, breathing life back into the heart I tried so hard to shield from him, from every one.

"You up?" Lovin asked after a few minutes of silence, I nodded and snuggled back in deeper into him. I didn't want to head out of the room because I know what I will be expecting. I'm pretty sure as soon as Lovin left Wolf's room last night that Wolf went and got Dante and watched the whole `lesson', and if I know Dante, it was just another strike on my very long list of strikes against me in his book.

Wolf of course would have heard my comments about him and would be hurt. Plus I knew they probably had every one outside in the living room while they pressed Damion for my other connections. This would be the last straw for Damion. They gave me so many chances because I was thought part of the family, but what you do for family you don't do for friends. And now that they knew Damion withdrew information they either would send him back to Predators to be the captain of some loser set or throw him off the Canarsie Pier, most likely the former.

Outside of this room, outside of Lovin's arms held no comfort, solitude or solace for me. As soon as I headed out there I would be getting the `treatment' from all Damion's men and the other men who joked around with Damion, and that was every one. Dante would be down my throat ripping another hole in my ass and asking Lovin why he didn't give up on me right in front of ME, but the worse would be Wolf sitting silently and just giving me a grave look because he too knew I lost him and now he knows that I really didn't want to find him, find the love I had covered under hours and days of hate.

"They're not splitting us, pushing you around, making you feel little or trying to knock you down. I'll be by you, stand by you, hold you and lift you up. " He said as he twisted me around to face him, his hands sliding under and over my face.

"I don't understand your methods, the way you go about things. But I do understand your goal at the end. You fuck with me to teach me, so you can trust me again. You rile Damion up, not because your especially pissed off at him, more so for a little revenge. You speak mean things about Wolf, because you know he's listening and you want to hurt him as much as he hurts you. Everything is a tit for a tat for you. If this person made you feel some sort of way, then you got to make them feel the same sort of way to even things out. That's good for your enemies Rafael, but its not good for your friends." He said as he stared hard into my eyes, watching my reaction for every sentence.

"An eye for an eye. Why should I feel like shit because of you, when you feel all happy?"

"Turn the other cheek. Family is too precious, you should know that by having lost one." He said and I had to pull out of his grasp and shoot him a death stare that faltered into a more hurt look. I turned and laid on my back. My real family I didn't think of at all. It was a subject that I kept in the deepest, darkest, farthest closet I could find in my brain.

"Now would it accomplish anything for lashing back out at me for that?" Lovin said as he too turned and laid on his back.

"Yeah, it would make me feel a hell a lot better."

"Well, then you don't love me." He said evenly.

"What! I love you" I said as I jumped to an upright position and looked at him. What the hell did loving him have anything to do with it.

"Last night I could have pushed you away. I cussed at you, but that wasn't really anything at all. I could have flipped the switch and turned shit right around and made you feel like shit and fill you up with pain. I could have. I know you better then I think you even know yourself. I know your sensitive topics. I can be just as manipulating and calculating as you. I just choose not to do those things to you because even though I was in pain caused by you. I still didn't want you to be in pain, especially caused by me." He said as he refused to look at me. I didn't know what to say to that. I laid back down on my back and held Lovin's hand. He didn't shake my hand away but then again he didn't hold on to my hand either, but I really didn't care once I could be close.

"I do love you, I just don't know no other way." I said as I turned my head to look at him. He was flipping the switch right now. Lying on his back, staring up giving me MY signature move that said I wanted to be left alone.

"You gonna have to learn another way. How much more shit like this you think I can take? How much more drama can this real love hold up? You were right about a few things last night. We DO fight more then we love. We HAVE beaten each other bloody, and held guns up to each other more times then I care to recall. How much more?" Lovin said somberly, still staring at the ceiling. His eyes getting a little moist.

"I don't want there to be anymore stuff. I don't want there to be anymore. I cant come out and say that I wont do anything destructive to us or someone else in the family, because I'm sure I'll mess up a few times, but I can promise to try. And I mean really try, but you gotta help me." I said firmly, with conviction. Lovin turned to look at me and stared for a bit.

"Help I can definitely do." He said as he pulled me into his arms.

"Lets get this over with" I said thinking about every one.

"Yeah we need to stop doing this too. You getting interrogated and stuff" Lovin sighed.

"This time could you not look at me like your going to jump my bones any second, it makes it HARD to concentrate." I said as I pinched his nipple.

"Ouch!" He said as he rubbed his nipple and I passed him a shirt, trying to cover up as much eye candy as possible.

"Charge onward" I said as I saluted Lovin and headed out the door. Sure enough the room was full of sour faces, all looking like they'd love to do me some justice. I couldn't help but smile and shrug at the scrutiny. I headed towards the kitchen, figuring that if I was going to have to endure the mother hen and the burnt sheep that I might as well do it on a full stomach.

"We need to talk to you Rafael." Wolf said soft but firm.

"I know, you mind if I get something to eat first." I asked, already going on the defense.

"You can eat afterwards, the day will go better if we just get this out of the way." Wolf said nodding his head at Lovin, who appeared beside me in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.

"My day will go just fine if I eat first." I said as I ignored him and headed for the kitchen. Before I walked a mere three steps Wolf was in front of me, his hand bitch slapping me with so much force I almost lost my balance. My head popped back up and stared at him and my body was just waiting for the signal to attack. My body braced and ready to throw and block a punch. I stared hard at him weighing the odds of returning that smack and a couple more, but no matter how much I hated him at the moment I couldn't bring myself to hit him.

I turned and continued my course to the kitchen and three more steps I found him back in front of me, his hand connecting with my face again. I'd love to say these were soft smacks that didn't really hurt, but that would be a lie. He was putting all his energy into them and I was finding difficulty staying on my feet during impact. The room was silent but I could hear a bit of scuffling, from my peripheral I saw Dante and a few men holding back a struggling Lovin.

I continued my walk to the kitchen, and every third step Wolf was in front of me again with his hand connecting with my face. By the time I was at the kitchen's island my resolve was fading quick and the blind fury I was so use to was fighting hard to take over. Again Wolf smacked me and I stared at him.

"That's the last one Wolf." I said simply and casually like if I was asking him to pass the milk for my cereal. Sure enough I walked another three steps and he was in front of me, his hand aiming for my face. I blocked the blow and returned and a brutal smack back at him with all my strength. He literally flew back a foot and landed on the not so soft tile. I stood there and I got so enraged with anger, but not because of him but because of me. The thought of laying a hand on Wolf never even crossed my mind and the fact that I had just done so, no matter how much he persuaded me to, I still shouldn't have.

I just looked at him and headed off to my room to regroup. Dante went to grab me and before I could think I flipped him, this set off the thirty men who were looking for the littlest reason to pounce on me. They all came to Dante's defense and though I loved to say I made light work of them I didn't. I did fuck them up, but not without getting a busted lip and a few bruises here and there. I went to go roundhouse kick one of the boys when I heard the distinct sound of someone taking off the safety on a gun. I looked at the direction and found a livid Dante with his gun aimed at me. Lovin, who I had no clue what he was doing while I was fighting jumped in front of me.

"Were leaving, we'll meet you all at the mansion tomorrow. Give every one some cool off time." Lovin more stated then asked.

"You must be smoking pot, we're going to set him out with only you to keep an eye on him." Dante said, his gun still cocked.

"You don't need to keep an eye on him, he's a boss. You know the equivalent to you, if you all stopped treating him like a convict then maybe he'd give you more of a reason to trust him. All you do is feed him shit and try to get a rise out of him and when you do you all want to launch into his ass." Lovin spat out at Dante.

"We leave the launching into his ass to you..." Dante said, being interrupted. "Hey! He might not be proud of it or even want it. He's still my son, so you show some fucking respect."

"Alright all of you shut the fuck up. Dante you better change the direction of that gun, get it off my brother. You thirty men go out to the track and run ten miles, the next time you all decide to jump in on BOSS business you wont fucking like it. I leave you guys for a few months and you all go crazy." Aaron said as he stepped inside the apartment, a small duffle bag over his shoulder. He dropped his bag by the door and came over to us and gave Dante a tight hug, pulling Lovin in and not letting go until all three embraced each other. He patted Wolf's back as he passed and gave him a smile. He walked up to me and unexpectedly pulled me into a warm embrace

"So how's my best friend holding up? I heard not too well. No need to worry though, I'm back and in effect and we'll sort through all this dumb shit." He spoke, making sure to put a lot of emphasis on dumb shit. He let me go and turned to the thirty men who were just standing there still.

"Make that 20 miles now." Aaron said, putting them into gear. Aaron threw Lovin a set of keys. Without a word Lovin threw me a pair of pants, shirt and sneakers. Seeing that I was still in my boxers. He picked up a large duffel bag from the hallway and threw it over his shoulder and with his other hand reached out for me and pulled me to the door.

It wasn't hard finding Aaron's jeep. We jumped in it and without looking back peeled off. We drove for a long time, I didn't mind. I just reclined the chair and opened all the windows and sun roof and let all the morning air lift my spirits up. Though we only had a day to ourselves, I felt a new sense of relief. I had a break for a day, Aaron was back and I knew if anyone could change this shitty situation it would be him and from Wolf's little show back there then maybe it wouldn't be too bad to find him again.

To Be Continued...
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